This file is a collection of Jokes about Software Development
what are the two biggest why questions in a developer's life?
- why does it not work? 😩
- why does it work!!! 🤯
- If you think your job can be replaced by AI you are right!
- If you think your job cannot be replaced by AI you are also very right! 😸
In order to understand recursion, one must understand recursion
Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”
Knock Knock. Who's there?
(long pause)
Java.
I went to a street where the houses were numbered 8k, 16k, 32k, 64k, 128k, 256k and 512k. It was a trip down Memory Lane.
The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
What did 0 say to 1? You are just a bit off.
How do you explain the movie Inception to a programmer? When you run a VM inside another VM, inside another VM, inside another VM…, everything runs really slow.
Unix is user-friendly, it is just very picky about its friends.
There is nothing more permanent than the temporary workaround in code.
Why do businesses allow Software Developers to do home office? Because Devs are
- not the best people when it comes to personal hygiene
- not the nicest people to talk to either so yeah, you better have them away from the office.
5 Errors walk into a bar. The barman says, “Normally I’d throw you all out, but tonight I’ll make an Exception.”
Which animal is the absolute expert in navigating the internet? Spiders. They know all about the web
the fact that JIRA is so popular proves most software development theories wrong
- user experience is terrible and most users hate it
- it encourages adapting worst practices and vice versa
- it is costly
- performance is terrible
yet it has most of the market share in a market of highly opinionated software developers
- why do SQL developers look at the sky at night? They like to count (*)
- Why do girls like Python more than Java? because Python does not treat them as objects
- What is an object-oriented way of becoming rich? // Inheritance
Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
- What is the difference between C and C++? // 1
- It's online, it's offline. What is it? // service worker
- typeof NaN; // “number”
- NaN == “number”; // false
- NaN == number; // false
NaN === NaN; // false
“This looks like a string”
- Number(); // returns 0
- Number(undefined); // returns NaN
- null < 0 // false
- null == 0 // false
- null <= 0 // true
- 1>2>3 --> true
- 3>2>1 --> false
Perfect tech stack like a perfect partner. It just does not exist, so let's get to work
Technical confidence comes from one of two things: ignorance or experience
When does Software/Your code base start to get complicated/Messy?
- Immediately after someone says this feature can be implemented in one hour
Copypaste is the fastest way to create bugs.
what does STD mean in Software Development? Scrum Transmitted (mental health) Diseases
what are clouds made of? Linux servers mostly!
Any feature that does not get traction from the user is a technical debt and should be removed.
Why good software jokes are so rare?
Because first, good software needs to exist before we can joke about it.
My wife complained that I care more about coding than her. I told her that in my array of interests, she is at [1](position 1). She was satisfied.
Rich people like Bill Gates say money does not matter Beautiful people would say that looks don't matter Programmers say warnings don't matter
- Why would Spring Boot provide a hide spring boot banner switch when they themselves provide the banner
Which months in the year have 28 days?
all of them. Most of them have more than 28. That's how bugs in production happen.
:smile
Rookie engineers worry about runtime speed too much.
Seasoned engineers worry about development speed.
Code is more often read than it is written
quote from an anonymous git user: "Whenever I see a door with a push sign, I pull first to avoid conflicts or push rejection"
Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#!
Why did the Java developer go to the beach?
To catch some exceptions!
with the amount of merchandise big tech gives like cups, caps, hoodies, t-shirts, etc
Laid-off employees would have a harder time forgetting about the company than their Ex.
half of the struggle in SW dev is believing you can solve the problem at hand
why TD or BDD is better? Programming without BDD is trying to learn piano when sound comes a day later after you have pressed the key.
– We don't write tests. – Why? – Because we don’t have time for it. – Why? – Because there is too much work and pressure. – Why? – Because we don’t move fast enough. – Why? – Because changing software has become difficult and risky. – Why? – Because we don’t write tests.
The amount of logging in production code is inversely proportional to the number of tests written
Keep these 2 laws in mind: • It's simple to make things complicated. • It's complicated to make things simple.
People discussing if there should be a hold between staging and production auto-deployment TODO MEME here
Array: You're a classic, no-BS kind of person who values simplicity and speed.
Linked list: You're a risk taker who likes to live on the edge and push the boundaries.
Hash map: You're a performance-oriented individual who doesn't settle for anything less than optimal.
Binary tree: You're a perfectionist who seeks balance and order in everything you do.
Stack: You're organized, methodical, and enjoy IHOP
Heap: You're ambitious and always aiming for the top, even if it means getting a little messy along the way.
Graph: You're a creative problem solver who thinks outside the box and loves exploring new possibilities.
Trie: You're a wordsmith who knows how to handle complexity and make sense of even the most convoluted data.
In Software Development, there is a massively huge difference between done and almost done
In programming the special cases are not special enough to break the rules
Simple is better than complex, complex is better than complicated
You can either code fast or produce faster code
Now is better than never Although never is often better than now.
its a modal mystery when you are the detective and the person who committed the crime.