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Some important rules.

If the restaurant doesn’t serve pie, it’s probably not a very good restaurant.
Whenever available, always order the Reuben.
Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.
Knowing how to apply regression models will improve your fantasy baseball team.
You aren’t bad at $thing. You currently struggle with $thing.
There’s really no good reason to own a television. It’s a disease.
It’s OK to change your mind.
Nobody says the best part of their day is their commute to work. Except cyclists.
Roaches can’t walk backwards, so keep them out of your ears.
Only angry people care about politics. It’s a disease.

Some links.