HAML string interpolation

views/index_10.haml

@@ -6,4 +6,4 @@
 %p Any second now. Your house is probably going to be liquified. Though given today's housing market, that's probably a blessing to be liquid.
 %p I'm just kidding, of course. There's no background music. I'm not that terrible of a person. I just want you to be nervous about clicking on links of questionable origin in the future. Because the next time Mildred, your pet hamster, might get blown through your own kneecap by the shockwave of annoying background music. Luckily, I was just kidding.
 %p Wasn't kidding about your house, though. You're probably screwed.
-%p At a bare minimum, <b>#{@total} others</b> have frantically turned down their speakers in preparation for a whopper of a lie. My bad.
+%p== At a bare minimum, <b>#{@total} others</b> have frantically turned down their speakers in preparation for a whopper of a lie. My bad.

views/index_11.haml

@@ -5,4 +5,4 @@
 %p Secondly, the fans of your favorite sporting team — INCLUDING YOURSELF — are clearly inbred maniacs who wouldn't know the broad side of my foot when I kicked them with my foot. Something something, foot metaphor allusion, something something your team sucks. Really, I just wanted to reiterate that I could easily give your fellow fans a boot to the rear.
 %p Finally, the entire team plays ball like a girl. Despicable. In the event that your favorite sporting team is a women's team, then I hereby claim that they all play ball like a man. Despicable.
 %p Okay, I lie. I only loathe your team a little bit. Really, this is just a sly reenactment of what could happen when you randomly click on links like that. What are you thinking? If you keep clicking whatever tickles your fancy without understanding the consequences, pretty soon you're going to be flipping through the internet drunk on your iPhone at a bar, run across a random link that insults your favorite sporting team, and before you know it you're getting the broad side of your foot in your rear by the guy at the end of the bar that only goes by the name "Big Gus".
-%p Don't worry. <b>#{@total}</b> others fervently love crappy teams, too.
+%p== Don't worry. <b>#{@total}</b> others fervently love crappy teams, too.

views/index_3.haml

@@ -8,5 +8,5 @@
 %p The main reason behind this is a subtle reminder not to blindly click a link without knowing where it's going, my friend. Because the next time you do might be your last.
 %p 
   %b YOUR LAST.
-%p Anyway, <b>#{@total}</b> people have been blindly clicking too, so don't feel that bad.
-%p Boy, <b>#{@total}</b> is getting to be a lot of people, isn't it? We should invite all of them over, get a high-end video camera, place a solitary cup in the middle of the- no? Okay, suit yourself then.
+%p== Anyway, <b>#{@total}</b> people have been blindly clicking too, so don't feel that bad.
+%p== Boy, <b>#{@total}</b> is getting to be a lot of people, isn't it? We should invite all of them over, get a high-end video camera, place a solitary cup in the middle of the- no? Okay, suit yourself then.

views/index_4.haml

@@ -5,4 +5,4 @@
 %p Luckily, the space laser platform has already been built. The high quality shark tank, however, has been funded in part due to people like you. Thanks!
 %p jk. lol lol, rofl rofl, et cetera. But it <b>COULD</b> have happened, somehow. Hey, don't look at me; you were the one blindly clicking the crap out of a random link on the internet. You should be more cautious. Professor Karnage could have stolen all your hard-earned milk money.
 %p Well, that's a little far-fetched. "Professor Karnage" is a little clich&eacute; as far as Evildoer Enemy Names go. Besides, if he's secured a professorship (say nothing about possible tenure), you'd think he'd opt to avoid the incorrect &mdash; albeit edgy &mdash; spelling of "Carnage".
-%p But hey, it's not all bad. <b>#{@total}</b> others have theoretically blown their eBay stash on shark tanks, too, so you're not alone. Just think, if everyone had $13.57 in their PayPal accounts, that would be worth a grand total of $#{number_with_delimiter(@total.gsub(',','').to_i * 13.57)}, which could probably secure you at least one shark.
+%p== But hey, it's not all bad. <b>#{@total}</b> others have theoretically blown their eBay stash on shark tanks, too, so you're not alone. Just think, if everyone had $13.57 in their PayPal accounts, that would be worth a grand total of $#{number_with_delimiter(@total.gsub(',','').to_i * 13.57)}, which could probably secure you at least one shark.

views/index_5.haml

@@ -7,4 +7,4 @@
 %p So far I've popped up <span id="counter"><script>document.write(ROFLCOUNTER)</script></span> windows already. You're totally going to be stuck clicking on all of those "X"s. Boy, am I glad I'm not you. After all, it's way easier to make windows than it is to close them.
 %p I bet you're kicking yourself now. "Why oh why did I blindly click this indiscriminate link I found on the interweb?" I'll tell you why: you have an insatiable appetite. I hope your appetite includes closing <b><em>MAD POP UP WINDOWS!!!</em></b>
 %p Ah, forget it. You seem like a nice guy. Actually, you're also a nice lady. It really depends on what you are. I'm just kidding about those popup windows, of course; I sent them to an email marketer instead. I like you. But let this be a lesson. The next random link you click might have <b><em>MAD POP UP WINDOWS!!!</em></b> all up in its figurative grill.
-%p And yeah, there's been #{@total} suckas out there, furiously clicking away, just like you. How charming.
+%p== And yeah, there's been #{@total} suckas out there, furiously clicking away, just like you. How charming.

views/index_6.haml

@@ -2,4 +2,4 @@
 %h2 Little do you know, THERE'S CRAZY NAKED ALL OVER THIS PAGE!
 %p Since you just clicked a <b>RANDOM-ASS LINK</b> somewhere on the internet, this is your payback. TONS and TONS of porn! Just look at it, right below! It's got naked ladies! It's got naked gentlemen! They're doing lots of naked activities together! Oh, it's so dirty! And scandalous!
 %p I'm actually going to end this gig right here, since I'm sure most of you tend to find the naked human body alluring. I'll never understand it, myself, but hey, I'm not going to judge.
-%p <b>#{@total}</b> of you have enjoyed yourself, blindly clicking away on random links. You dirty scumbag.
+%p== <b>#{@total}</b> of you have enjoyed yourself, blindly clicking away on random links. You dirty scumbag.

views/index_7.haml

@@ -10,4 +10,4 @@
 %h1 BOOM!
 %p Now you have this random page open in your fifty-ninth tab, it's screaming at you in the first H1, you have no idea what link you clicked here, who sent you, and which trendy social network to go back to so you can furiously downvote it with a pithy remark about its lackluster substantiation.
 %p Hey, I'm just trying to help you out. Slow down, take a breath, and practice safe surfing. You'll thank me later.
-%p <b>#{@total}</b> others have also wondered how the hell they got here.
+%p== <b>#{@total}</b> others have also wondered how the hell they got here.

views/index_8.haml

@@ -6,5 +6,5 @@
 %p See? That lends credence to my argument since it's about big sweeping gestures that can't be easily disproven. Clearly I'm correct. Like, for reals.
 %p Anyway, you've been warned: if you keep clicking on every damn random link you stumble on, before you know it you're going to end up on some lameass Angry Man Conspiracy Blog Post for real, and then you'll be screwed. Trust me, I know. You know how I know?
 %p <em>Nietzsche</em>.
-%p Luckily, #{@total} others have stumbled into this zany blog post, and look, there's not even any comments to rebut. How convenient.
+%p== Luckily, #{@total} others have stumbled into this zany blog post, and look, there's not even any comments to rebut. How convenient.
 %p 9/11 was a smokescreen.

views/index_9.haml

@@ -4,4 +4,4 @@
 %p I mean, it's legible and all, but crikey it hurts your eyes.
 %p You know why this is happening? Because you didn't have the fortitude to ignore that random retweet or link or however it was you got here. You knew it had no explanation when you clicked it, but you clicked the damn thing anyway.
 %p So you get <b>RED</b> on <b>BLACK</b>. Ewww. That's just disgusting, really. Kinda makes me want to be violent.
-%p <b>#{@total}</b> other people have gouged their eyes out after visiting this joint.
+%p== <b>#{@total}</b> other people have gouged their eyes out after visiting this joint.