Toilet Independence

[nelsonic]

Todo

• Re-watch the AMI Toileting video and make notes:

https://montessori-ami.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=10bdc243-d568-4fb9-9525-af1c0080b5c6

• Update our practices with A* to ensure a smooth transition from diapers to consistent toilet use.
• Publish content on this for other parents to benefit from.

[iteles]

I am keen to watch this but do not have the 1.5 hours to do this right now so keen to see any notes that anyone else has already started making - please publish as you go rather than waiting for all the notes to be written!

[nelsonic]

@iteles totally agree that we should have a better way of capturing notes collaboratively. 💭
For now the best we have is Google Docs and then Publishing on the Website
... because GitHub (still!) doesn't have realtime colab. 🤦‍♂️

@Stephanymtr know you are super busy with the final days/deadlines of your ÁMI course. ⏳
But if you have time to watch the Toileting video as part of your course and make notes, please share. 🙏

[Stephanymtr]

Toilet Independence

Toilet training is a modern society phenomenon which is being reinforced and supported by the commercial companies and makers of disposable nappies.
Children get the right information about their body from wearing cloth diapers. They feel something, they get changed and learned the preferred condition is to be dry.

Montessori approach to the potty independence is about understanding of the bodily functions and recognition of the sensations and the signals the body gives when to use the toilet. Understanding of all these aspects is key to the success of developing independence of toilet use.

Myelinisation: process that starts from head to toe that allows children to control their movement. It takes about a year. By the time the child is 6 months old, sitting up, the process of Myelinisation has reached this phantom and the child has the ability to exercise control in this area. It’s conceivable to believe the child has the ability to take full control by the time he is walking.

Child needs voluntary movement control in order to really be fully independent

Historically, most children were toilet trained around the age of walking because they have the ability to control the bladder and also control their bowel movements.

Road to Success: Child needs to feel wet in order to understand the processes of his body. He needs to develop understanding of the signals the body gives before he urinates or has a bowel movement. He needs to be able to feel that fullness/signal to let go of the bladder/bowel movement.

Disposable nappies never allow a child this feeling of wetness. It gives misleading info to the child about these voluntary functions. The problem is that disposable nappies absorb all the moisture so quickly that the child doesn't feel wet. Therefore, they are not aware of what happens when they release the urine into the nappy.

In order to avoid misleading children, the use of cotton nappies/cotton pants is suggested. It allows the child to receive the correct information about his bodily functions. The child who feels wet and dry, learns through experience that the preferred condition is to be dry. Additionally, the child starts to instinctively react to that feeling of wetness exercising this fathom by holding on his urine. Ultimately, the child starts to exercise his ability to hold for longer periods.

Prepare Environment for Toilet Independence

Preparation of the environment differs for a child under one who is unable to walk to a child over one that’s able to walk.

Under one:
Indirect preparation for toilet independence:

• cotton nappies or training pants with a thick padded panel:
  These cotton pants/nappies allow the child to experience the sensation of urinating and bowel movement. It helps parents know that their child is wet/ know about their condition. Child learns that the prefered condition of dryingness and cleanliness is more comfortable.
• Change them ASAP:
  As soon as the child is wet, we are going to change them immediately. Don’t leave them lying in their feces/wetness.
• Diaper size:
  We don't want nappies to be too bulky between a child's legs bc we don’t want to restrict their movement.
• Involve child in all the routines around toilet use.
  Adult is going to talk to child about all the aspects they need to understand. The change in routine is going to evolve with child’s development by allowing child to participate more and more. Fore ex: give child a dry nappy to hold, so they feel the dryness and also participate/ also show child what they have done in the nappy :”you are wet” “you had a bowel movement” This will help child understand, get the correct language and also know what’s happening in the changing process.
  -Offer to sit on the potty during every diaper change
  Once child is sitting up, parent can offer child opportunity to sit on a small potty during the toilet routine. Everytime we change child, we will offer him a chance to sit on the potty. Most of the times, when child has already urinated they don’t empty their bladder completely. This helps with association.

Above one

• Change him standing up
  By the time child is walking, we will change him standing up. The infancy position of laying child down doesn't allow them to see what we do and consequently, they are not as involved as they should be. Standing up allow for a face to face contact, let child see what he has done in his nappy.
• Involve child in all the routines around toilet use.
  Child can be included by taking wet pants to hamper provided; choosing a pair of dry underwear; helping with empty the potty; washing his hands.
• Allow independency
  In the beginning, he will need a lot of help from the adult. However, very soon, this collaboration will change because child will become more independent and adult will be doing less and less. We will try to let them do all the little part of the routine that they can do for. ex: they can't wipe themselves, but can flush. Addiotionally, have some floor cloth/ a little mop available, so that if child pees and there is a pee puddle on the floor, child will be able to assist in the cleaning up of this puddle. This will empower them by making them feel like they can take care of themselves.

Generally, in the first year, children pee little and often. Those training pants with padded middle will often hold one full bladder. However, at this age, as parents go to check them, they see that child is dry because they start holding their urine for longer period. They start to develop this ability to really exercise this phantom and really hold the bladder for longer period of time. Additionally, when the child wets themselves, you might notice the puddle start to get bigger. DON'T PANIC! This shows you the child is demonstrating some development: child is holding for a longer period of time. If you are consistent with the area of where the potty is located, you will notice that the big puddles are getting closer and closer to the potty. This happens because the child doesn't allow a long enough ETA to the potty. They don't allow themselves enough time to get to the toilet. It takes them some time to realize they need to go straight away when they get that sensation. In addition, sometimes the child is busy with an activity, so they hold it, and we adults can even see that when child is doing the “need-to-pee” dance.

BE COOL ABOUT IT 😎

It’s generally a good practice to offer the child use of the toilet in practical moments so that you can start to establish predictable routines. We can offer child a chance to use toilet before sitting down to eat, before leaving the house, before going to bed, before having a bath, after waking up in the am...
Children at the age of 2 can be quite resistant when being asked too many questions, so attaching this practice to a routine and avoiding the “do you want to go to the toilet now?” questions throughout the day can allow for a more smooth transition;
for ex: it’s time to eat dinner, let’s go for a pee pee and wash our hands. This gives the child a moment to check in on themselves and decide if they need to go or not to the toilet. Asking child if he needs to go to the toilet too often can lead to this negative response (no no no no no ...) which can place too much pressure on the child to be successful and that can be overwhelming.

[nelsonic]

@Stephanymtr thanks very much for sharing your notes on the video. 👌
What would you say are our next actions for this with A* @home? 💭

[iteles]

I would caution that this is not a 'single source of truth' issue and we should research further Montessori sources rather than publishing a blog post based on this one source because there are many adverse effects to toilet training being rushed, forced or generally pushed on a child by eager parents. It is a polarizing topic.

SUPER happy that we have these notes though, thank you @Stephanymtr, really helpful!

A word on diapers: a LOT of modern day cloth diapers have a stay dry layer already incorporated into them, especially pocket diapers which are one of the most popular types of diaper.

When I was buying diapers for A originally, I was cautious to buy a number of them with natural material lining (cotton or bamboo) specifically for potty training purposes, to allow him to feel the wetness.
However, we don't have many of them because:
A) They are hard to find
B) They are a pain to dry because they take a lot longer than the stay-dry ones

This means we don't have enough diapers to allow A to feel wetness all day every day, even if we stop using the liners.
I can pull together the ones we have and we can assess.
Off the top of my head, a few of the ones we have are: Ecotiny pocket diaper, Bamboolik pocket diaper, Olivia AIOs, some of the Motherease AIOs, Bambino Mio AIOs, Totsbots AIOs and obviously night/fitted diapers.

@Stephanymtr Over to you for proposed next steps 😊

[Stephanymtr]

Appropriate location

The area of toilet independence should be prepared long before your child is particularly aware of the potty. At first, the potty is in the changing area to make it easy to offer the child to sit in the potty before changing them into a new nappy. Potty can be something simple but it’s not a toy, it’s not meant to be played with. At some point, you might want to remove the potty from the changing area to a more appropriate location like the toilet and more importantly, where the child can use it independently. We want the place to be very clear for the child. Don't move potty often to multiple places because the child has a strong sense of order; they are trying to understand their routine and order of their environment.

The preparation of the environment is really important.

Physical environment :

Potty chairs characteristics:

->It should fit child’s body
-> have some support for the back
-> be stable
-> easy to clean
-> light enough that child can help carry the inner part of the potty to the toilet to empty it out.

A low bench/chair

-> it is optional but very useful if space allows.
-> This is a place where children can sit on and change out of their dirty underwear.

Hamper

-> a location for child to place his dirty underwear in
-> there should also be a second storage area for clean underwear that the child can also access independently .

Floor covering

-> Something like a shower mat is also optional but useful as this will make it easy for child to clean his urine/poop

Mop and Cleaning supplies

->Heidi talked about this multiple times. It’s very important to allow the child to clean up after himself.
-> have a mop available for urine paddle clean up.

Extra Info

->it should not be confused as a play area so do NOT have any sort of toys nearby.
-> Adapters to use on adult toilets.
Some children are very eager to use the toilet in the same way as us adults. So this is a good solution. The example below has handles, a little ladder, so a child can climb up and turn around to use handles to sit down and feel safe.
-> Feet on the floor
Child really needs to have their feet on the floor while they are sitting because it helps with balance but also helps the child use pelvic floor muscles to push out bowel movement. Therefore the little step on the ladder can be helpful for that.
FYI: some children are not scared of the big hole and falling inside it, which means some kids don’t even need special potty/adapters

Photos for reference:

Flyer my professor made on this topic to give to parents
https://casaschool.nl/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Toileting.pdf

---

I'm going to finish posting all my notes and then get to your question @nelsonic

[Stephanymtr]

Clothing is very important aspect of toilet independence

->it has to be practical,
->allow freedom of movement,
->it has to be manageable by child
->washable materials
->cotton training pants
->make sure they are not too tight/too loose
-> no liner/material that wicks away the wetness - we want the child to feel wet so that they understand the process
->avoid using one piece bodys/vests that are fastened underneath because they are not conducive to independent use
->avoid vests/shirts that are too long or t-shirts with buttons - it should be easy for a child to take off and put on over their head.
-> avoid long pants, use elasticated pants instead of buttons and zippers, shorts are perfect - side note from me: there are a couple of Montessori Schools that encourage children to not wear pants/shorts, just cloth underwear at school. Super cool because then clothing will never get in the way for those who are going through this toilet independent training but struggle with buttons, zipper, pulling pants down and up etc.
-> for girls, don't want skirt/dress to be too long or too full;

Human/psychological environment

• We have to educate ourselves properly about toilet independence because the attitude of the adult is really important.
• Parents have been misinformed to believe that if you toilet train your child too soon, it can result in lifelong personality issues, psychological problems, overall adjustments, sexuality and behavioral problems. There have been many studies showing that there is nothing psychologically stressful about moving from a nappy to independent toilet use. If handled properly, it won't be stressful.
• We adults need to learn in collaboration with the child’s natural development. It’s not gonna be psychologically harmful for them to move from a nappy to pads.

Certain things can have an effect on child’s psychological use:

• illness
• fatigue
• excitement

Any sort of stressful situation such as positive or negative situation can affect this area

• We need good parenting, predictable routine, secure and loving relationships, and understanding of the process.
• Avoiding toilet independence because children are not always successful, or because they are tired, or because they are stressed, makes no sense 🙄
• Child needs to be aware of the functions of their body and it’s through practice/repetition/consistent/routine along with a prepared environment and adult is what is going to make this process successful.

Avoid:

-> Inappropriate language: “stinky” “ you don’t smell nice”
-> wrong/baby language like “tinkle” “see man about a horse” INSTEAD use”i want to use the toilet”,”i need to pee”,” i need to have a bowel movement”, “ i need to urinate" / name part of the body appropriately too: penis, anus, etc
-> celebrating: clapping and making the situation bigger than it is “well done” “good job”

Adult has to instill this feeling of trust and respect in the child
“Oh you are wet, let’s put on some dry pants”
“I see you soiled yourself, let’s go get clean nappy.

Let child:
Pull down his own pants
Clean up his own urine
Decide when to use the potty - we never force them to sit down on the potty
Learn from experience - so they learn from their bodily functions

Adults must aid independence by finding ways to make the child feel confident and safe

[Stephanymtr]

@nelsonic @iteles Considering all the information my professor shared, there are MANY things we could start doing.

I believe changing A on the floor next to his potty would be a good idea. Place a chair there, so that he can sit down and start practicing taking his clothes off independently as well. He’d be able to go on the potty on his own (if he wants to) and get dressed afterwards. This will also allow A to be more involved in all the routines around toilet use - Ask A to place his dirty clothes in a hamper, choose between a pair of dry underwear/diapers (any clothing item), help empty out the potty, wash hands and so on.

I'd encourage finish setting up his toilet area. He currently has a potty and some books in the nursery. You should decide if the nursery is where you want to keep it officially. Once that's decided, we should add: mat for unearth the area, chair, establish the area he will place dirty diapers/underwear and the area he will get clean diapers/underwear, area for toilet paper/wet wipes, mop and cloth for cleaning up urine/poop, etc.... everything at his level.

Some easy to implement day-to-day practices that I talked about in my notes above:
-> Invite A to use toilet during every diaper change (an extra step would be to invite A to use toilet during practical moments, so that we can start to establish predictable routines)
-> Always change A ASAP + change him standing up + show him the dirty pair of pants/nappy
-> Avoid wearing clothing that isn't practical: onesies, dress shirts etc
-> Show him where everything goes: dirty clothes, dirty diapers, used wet wipes etc - he's a pro at this already, but doesn't gets to actually do it soooooo involve A in all the routines around toilet use - Ask A to place his dirty clothes in hamper, choose between pair of dry underwear (any clothing item), help empty out potty, wash hands and so on.
-> I also would not have any toys near that area, so that he is not distracted.

[nelsonic]

@Stephanymtr thanks again for writing up your notes on this topic.
Especially keen to phase out any clothing that is unfriendly to toilet independence like (sadly) super-cute dungarees ...

Really don't like the plastic potty or inserts, but they have been working "OK-ish" these last few months ...
But for #2's it's a bit more of a (cleaning) pain ... we've only had a couple of them so far ...
I would much prefer to:

a. establish a routine that he can use anywhere he goes e.g. grandparents and other relatives houses
b. build any support structures/systems needed from first principals in the workshop
c. make our system public online as content that any parent/caregiver can use to help their child.

With these things in mind, I think we should open a sub-task (new issue) to measure our toilets here @home and determine what the best way to help A* achieve his independence i.e. build a custom stool with handle
that we can laser-cut, assemble and varnish (so it's easy to keep clean) then iterate from there.

[Stephanymtr]

Alright, let me try to break those tasks downs into questions:

what do you mean exactly by establishing a routine ? I understand you are talking about having a new sequence of actions that we ALL need to follow regularly for this toilet independence phase to go well:
1- Do you mean me writing down some sort of a guide on everything*** we need to start/stop doing with Alex? Ex: Invite Alex to go potty every time before leaving the house. Would this guide be something simple for us to start with as we go or do you want me to write everything down before starting toilet independence stage?
2- I also want to understand how you feel about the suggestions (based on the video) I made above. Because the suggestions I made are technically a new routine - if all combined & put in place. I'd need to know if you @nelsonic and @iteles are on board with all of them before I re write them in a logical/clear order. Are there any suggestions above you might not** want to include?
3- Considering one of Ines' comments above, I also need to know if there needs to be more research done outside of this video. This would mean I'd need to look up more information on this topic from different sources, share them all here, wait for your feedback, gather all the info and so on.
4- Nelson, you gave me one feedback above regarding Alex's clothes...how soon do you want to start making changes like not having him wear things like bodysuits or dungarees. Additionally, Alex has been slowly enjoying more and more picking his own outfits. I'd suggest removing all clothing we don't want him to wear from his dresser. What do you think ?

[nelsonic]

@Stephanymtr body suits and dungarees are out. They are not compatible with toilet independence at this stage.
They might be workable later once he has mastered his toilet skills but for now. No bueno. 🙅

This is what I had in mind:

Routine 🕖

This is my suggestion for a Toilet Training/Independence Routine. 💭
Please share your thoughts on what else is needed 💬
or if you have any ideas/suggestions for how to enhance/improve it. 🙏

Wake Up 🙌

In the morning when A* wakes up, we

1. Help him remove his PJs and Night Diaper then
2. Guide him to the bathroom for him to do a "first pee".
3. Show him the Toddler Toilet Training Tower™ Toddler Toilet Training Throne™ dwyl/workshop#81 for him to step on and hold.

If he doesn't [want to] do a pee and instead just wants to get dressed straight away, that is fine. 👍
Never force him to sit on the toilet as it will create a negative association which will lead to toilet hangups. 🚫
Move to the next stage. ⏭️

Morning in the house 🏡

4. Put on "morning clothes" including briefs 🩲 [underwear] and a T-Shirt; nothing fancy or restricting.

Note: Remember he's not going outside dressed like this so doesn't need pants/trousers, yet!
If the house feels cold to you, then turn on a heater [ask Inês/Nelson if you're stuck] the objective is not for A* to be "wrapped up in warm clothes" while indoors. Rather, it's to be as free to move and easy for him to remove his own briefs 🩲 as possible.

5. Go Downstairs and read, play and have breakfast while paying close attention to visual cues; Observe!

Try and get him to drink water/oat milk and eat something ASAP
so that it triggers the Gastrocolic reflex
and he can use the toilet early and move onto the next phase of his day.

6. When he shows signs (or words) that he needs the toilet, go with him to the toilet and
7. Offer to help him with removing any clothes and anything he needs in order to achieve his goal.

⚠️ Do not remove his clothes for him or pick him up and put him on the adult toilet, he is more than capable enough of getting up onto the Learning Tower in the kitchen by himself, so the Toddler Toilet Training Tower™ is the same.
Let him gain his independence. This is important.

"Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed."
~ Maria Montessori 💭

8. Once he has finished doing his pee/poop on the toilet offer to help him with cleaning. 🧻
   in this case you can give him a choice of "Wet Wipe" or "Toilet Paper" and then help him.
   He may feel more comfortable standing on the step.
9. Assist him to re-dress himself as required 👕
10. Flush the toilet ceremoniously 🚽
11. Wash hands. 🤝

Morning outside the house 🏞️

In order to head outside (far from our house), where there may not be an available W/C 🚽 🚫
And until A* is capable of clearly communicating his needs, he may need to wear a cloth diaper .
12. Help him to put on a diaper but DON'T use a moisture-wicking microfibre liner; repeat DON'T! 🙅
The liner removes the moisture from his skin and thus he doesn't feel wet ... at this stage we want him to feel the moisture to be aware of it and begin to avoid it, i.e. hold his bladder till he reaches the toilet. ⏳
13. Explain to him that you're going outside and that there is no potty/toilet. 💬
14. Go outside and have a great time while paying attention to his cues. Periodically ask him if he wants to use the Toilet but don't make a big deal of it and don't over-do it. If he says yes, then say "Let's go home, it will take us X minutes to get there...". or if you are somewhere that has an available clean W/C, then try that option, but no "Truck Stops". 🚚 🙃

15. When you return home, first thing you do after taking off shoes and washing hands is remove the diaper check and confirm if they have done any pee/poop. If there is pee/poop explain that it goes in the toilet. Then offer to help them sit on the toilet to do any more pee/poop. This is reinforcing that the pee/poop belongs in the toilet not in the diaper .
16. If they don't want to use the toilet, that's fine. Explain to them that they can ask you to use the toilet at any time. Then put on briefs 🩲 and let him run around in just the briefs 🩲 and a T-shirt 👕 so he can use the toilet if he needs before Nap time.

Nap Time 🛌

At nap time we will need to transition him away from wearing a diaper ASAP.
We can start by NOT using a moisture-wicking liner so that he feels the wet when he wakes up.
17. Discuss that he is going to have a nap (not optional) and tell him that you will be putting on a diaper in case he needs to pee while he is napping.

Note: the nap time diaper will be the first sleep diaper to be phased out before the night diaper.
So as soon as he is using the toilet consistently please communicate it by Signal and commenting on this issue.
ASAP this diaper will be phased out, but we need to apply the plastic protector to his bed before we phase it out. 👍

18. Help him to dress in his PJs and get ready for nap time. Avoid giving extra water before sleep.
19. Do his standard sleep time routine. [ask if you need a refresher on this - no books, just verbal stories]

Wake from Nap 🆙

20. When they wake from Nap Time greet them warmly and then remove them from the bed ASAP.
    We don't want them to associate the bed with wakefulness because it leads to insomnia.
21. Guide them to the changing/dressing table and help them to remove PJs and diaper .
22. Replace the briefs 🩲 and a T-shirt 👕 for lunch time.
23. If their diaper has any pee in it, explain to them that the pee belongs in the toilet and take them to the toilet after they are dressed. [repeat steps 7-11]

Lunch Time 🍴

24. After lunch, we always wash hands in the basin.
    While still in the W/C, calmly ask him if he needs to use the toilet and guide him to it while offering to help if he needs. 💬
25. If he uses the toilet, repeat steps 7-11. ♻️

Indoor Afternoon Work

If you are staying indoors e.g. because it's raining or he really wants to do a home-based activity like painting, cooking, music etc. then simply observe the protocol described above; observe him closely and if he shows any signs/cues of needing the toilet offer to help. [repeat steps 7-11]

Out Door Afternoon Play

If going out to the park, repeat steps 12-14. followed by steps 15-16 when you return home.

Evening [16:45]

When you return home from the park please repeat steps 15-16 so he has briefs 🩲 and a T-shirt 👕 for the evening - unless specifically requested otherwise e.g. if we are planning to go out after 17:00. 👌

For the evening we [Inês and Nelson] will be with them and monitor their toilet needs following the [steps 7-11] protocol.

Night time

26. After dinner and bath time, show him the toilet one final time and then put on night diaper and PJs.

---

As always, Feedback/improvements very wanted. 🙏

[iteles]

I have so many thoughts and questions on this 😅
Only 1 or two of those are amendments/questions on your routine above - thank you for writing this out, it's an amazing starting point @nelsonic!

Mostly my thoughts are on building up to this and timings rather than the process itself.

We cannot start this (i.e. particularly the wearing of briefs instead of diapers) 'just out of the blue' (which I understand is not what you're suggesting, but I just want to make it clear for anyone reading this issue). I firmly think we need to build him up to briefs otherwise the whole experience will just be traumatic.
We have time. We have time to help him understand the difference between 💦 and 💩, to understand when he has done one vs the other, to understand the feeling of each thing, to be able to communicate one or the other and the use for the toilet. I am a big believer in talking through everything and adding step by step.

I'm super for putting A on the toilet rather than a plastic potty (his room is not a bathroom) but we definitely need to have the dwyl/workshop#81 so that he feels completely stable and safe on it. If he has to hold himself up, it totally defeats the purpose and distracts from what we're trying to teach him.
I could not agree more with not forcing him. This is the most important thing.

As I say, I have lots of other thoughts. Need to block out a period of an hour to write this up and will do this asap ❤️

[iteles]

I haven't had a chance to think clearly about this yet in such a way that I can commit my thoughts to github in a sensical fashion.

Here is my biggest thought:
I have only once heard A express of his only volition that he has peed 💦 and the first sign of readiness is to recognise that they have both 💦 and 💩 .

One week of wetness before briefs

This is just a suggestion but really is what feels right to me. I'll try to explain.

I would ideally like to see a "pre-step" of sorts to the routine above where we have a week where we move exclusively to diapers that allow A to feel he is wet.
We can start this immediately. Tomorrow when he wakes up!

We closely observe, learn his cues, equip him with the vocabulary to express he is wet and where possible we can begin to pre-empt at least 💩 and take him to the toilet.

I feel we are setting him up to fail if we just 'go for it' without any effort on our part (consistently, across all of us that is, I know you do all of this already @nelsonic because this has been a focus for you) to equip him with the foundation level tools (vocabulary, understanding the feeling and that we want him to pay attention to it rather than just keep playing) to not have to go through wetting himself multiple times a day in order to learn.
Let's give the kid a chance to have a bit of an understanding of what's going on before we put him in briefs only: he already goes into a corner when he needs to 💩 (doesn't like to be out in the open in front of everyone), I don't think he will create a positive association with the process if he spends the first 2 days saying 'uh-oh xixi' the whole day and feeling liquid down his legs.

After a week we assess to make sure we feel he's cottoned on (which I'm 90% sure he will).

Practicalities

The practicalities of the diaper situation (allowing A to feel wetness) are not as straightforward as you would imagine, as stated in my comment above.

But there is a simple solution: I have gathered a number of bamboo inserts which we can use to lay ontop of the fleece protective layer in the majority of the pocket diapers which will allow A to feel wetness.

If they start to chafe, I'll have to use the tumble dryer to soften them up, no worries.

Use of language

I would also like to investigate our use of language a bit more.
For example: I don't want to have to ask him every half hour when he is in briefs 'do you need to pee?' - I think this will be a huge pain for him and mar his interactions with people.

Setting up the toilet area

I think it will be critical to his success if we have a toilet area set up and ready to go for him when we move him to briefs both upstairs and downstairs, with the reducer and the Toddler Training Throne so he has the exact same facilities/routine from day one.
This goes back to creating security (which is more important now than ever with baby#2 on the arriving soon).

It think it would also be super beneficial if we could move his current morning routine (which already includes doing his morning 💦 in the potty) onto the new toilet environment for a few days before going full days on the new toilet environment so he gets used to it.

[iteles]

I will speak to Margarida about this tomorrow and we'll get it sorted in terms of diapers.

[Stephanymtr]

Hi @iteles Regarding the ""pre-step" of sorts to A's routine" you suggested above, do you think we have made enough progress to move on to the next phase? N and I talked this morning and here a few of the things we would need/could do next:

-> We would need around 7-10 cuecas
-> Around 7-10 vests to keep him warm
-> Remove bodies from his wardrobe
-> Only offer comfortable trousers like tracksuits
-> Focus on phasing out morning diapers first

We discussed a complete plan above, so these are just a few suggestions to get started.

---

Preparing the Environment (bathroom)

-> Toilet: decide what kind of toilet setup you want to use and place it in all the bathrooms .
-> Have clean cuecas and one or two outfits he could change into available - in case of any "accidents"
-> Wipes, toilet paper and water bottle spray for him to clean himself
-> Separe cloths for cleaning up any "accidents" such as pee puddles/splash-backs.
-> Hamper or a designated area for dirty diapers

[nelsonic]

@Stephanymtr thanks for capturing what we discussed in our morning catch-up. 👌
Immediately actionable NextAction items:

• locate the blue underpants we bought a few weeks ago. (I think there are 8 pairs, do we need more?)
• locate (or buy) more warm tracksuit bottoms in his current size (e.g. visit Kid to Kid this afternoon)
• locate (or buy) vests to keep him warm in leu of using bodies.

[iteles]

I am MUCH more comfortable with A moving into full potty training mode now.

Thanks to Nelson tirelessly taking him to the potty every single morning, he now fully understands the difference between a 💩 and a 💦 (he still often said 'cócó' for a diaper that only had xixi back in October), is much more aware of his bodily functions as he's started to pick up on when he needs to pee as well as 💩, is no longer hesitant about being on the potty and shows a lot of interest in both going to the toilet and when others do.

He's officially very ready for us to help him along.

Next week looks like it's going to rain so it's the PERFECT time for us to start this as he'll be near a toilet at home and will spend less time outside or at least shorter bursts of time outside.

On the specific things you have mentioned above @nelsonic and @Stephanymtr:

• He has enough underwear I think! He has:
  • Easily about 14 pairs that should fit him (we had 6 before @nelsonic bought another 8)
  • 3 sets of training underwear (i.e. slightly thicker with minimal absorbency to help in situations where he's not near a toilet and can't hold it
  • 3 sets of side snap diapers which are designed to be used as pull-ups with little or no absorption
• On vests, he has 3 wool long sleeve vests which we can use under his PJs at night instead of bodies. He also has 3 sleeveless cotton vests for when it gets warmer. During the day he'll just leave whatever top he has on, so I don't think we need more than this for now
• On trousers, the Frugi jeans are just as maleable or elastic as tracksuit bottoms so I suggest these can remain in rotation, but we'll need considerably more changes than we currently have available in the first weeks

Questions to come.

[Stephanymtr]

I turned my (super long) toilet independence notes into a blog post. It's a lot more clear this way, so I thought I'd share it here. https://bragamontessori.com/2023/10/31/montessori-toilet-training-practical-guide-fostering-independence-through-understanding/

[nelsonic]

Awesome work! 🎉 Thanks @Stephanymtr ❤️