A short guide to successful interactions with Luke F. Lawson (aka mu). Note, this is relating to professional environments and not all points in this document will necessarily apply to social interactions outside of business (but most probably still do).
- Compassion
- Honesty
- Transparency
- Open-mindedness
- Freedom (all kinds)
- Long-term thinking (beyond one's individual lifetime)
- I'm a people pleaser and the respect of my colleagues is one of my highest motivators. If you set clear expectations for me, that should be enough to elicit change. If the change isn't what you wanted (or it isn't quite right), please rinse and repeat. For me communication is an endless feedback loop with continuous micro adjustments to meet changing conditions and requirements.
- I like feedback loops in communication where listeners attempt to summarize what they were just listening to by paraphrasing important points back to the speaker. This can seem redundant or even condescending, but I am simply trying to confirm that what I heard is actually what the speaker is trying to communicate to me. I not trying to tell you what you know, I am trying to make sure I have the same understanding as you do.
- I talk too much and too long, which is partially related to the point above. It is okay to tell me to shut up. (Nicely or not: depending on how often you have had to remind me to stop chatting so much. But please do ask me to stop talking/typing if I am prattling away.)
- I also reserve the right to ramble. If it isn't clear to you already, dear reader, I tend to use many words to express myself and succinctness is both a skill I lack and consider a low priority for developing. Prepare for much ado about nothing some days. ;)
- I believe the word 'maybe' is far more powerful than 'yes' or 'no'. To clarify, uncertainty is important and a door opener. For example: "maybe we could do X" is a phrase which allows people to openly discuss possibilities around X without committing to X. Or "maybe X is happening". Again, we can now discuss X safely as a hypothetical instead of as a fact. With hard facts there is a tendency for ego to become involved concerning being right or wrong. "Maybe" often reduces the potential for ego to be connected to perceptions and makes the discussion less emotional and more scientific (or, at least in my experience, it tends to be this way). I believe this type of communication often results in less stressful debate about highly emotional or otherwise important topics.
- It seems to me that being honest about uncertainty is very important but that it can be perceived as manipulative or weak. It also seems to me that many people express certainty as an attempt to appear strong at the cost of being dishonest about any uncertainties which they do have. So, if I tell you 'it seems like X' that isn't an attempt to absolve myself of responsibility for my perception - instead it is me doing my due diligence to express that I have both supporting evidence of 'X' but that this is a best guess and I lack definitive proof. On the other hand, if I know a thing to be a certain as I humanly can know it - I will tell you 'I am sure it is X'. This communication style isn't a 'sneaky lawyer trick' and, instead, is my attempt to be clear and scientific about my perceptions and their relative uncertainty. As a wise person once said: "There is no absolute reality; there are only reinforcing and interfering lattices of causation."
- Please feel free to interrupt me.
- You telling me I am doing something wrong is actually a kind and compassionate action and I hope you respect me enough to share with me when I need to improve. Please say things you want me to know. I dislike secret criticism. If you have a negative judgement about me, I hope you feel safe telling me. I can't fix it if I don't know it is a problem which needs fixing.
- Tell me what to do if you want me to do something. (Also, maybe ask me politely instead of "telling".) I take direction well and am not offended by "bossiness". Examples: "Hey, mu, maybe you should be doing X now." OR "Mu, would you please get X done by Y?" If I know you expect it of me (and I agree with the motivations), I am likely to do it. (And if I disagree or won't/can't do it for some reason, I'll say 'no' right away so there won't be any mystery.)
- Self doubt.
- Focusing on minutia.
- Getting hung up on the past or thinking of the future instead of making the most of the present.
- Anger. I understand people get upset but fixing what made someone upset is the important thing - not the anger itself.
- Dismissiveness. People matter. All of us. Everyone. Full stop.
- Poison. When I can safely swim in lakes and rivers everywhere in the world again and it is safe to breathe the air everywhere too - I'll be a much happier person. Right now the world is full of poison and I am not amused.
- Strong artificial odors. Examples are: cleaning products, nail polish or polish remover, paint, varnish, perfume, and cologne. Strong natural odors, like essential oils, I find quite pleasant (vanilla/patchouli) but perfumes and colognes which are synthetic make me feel physically ill (and many people wear synthetics in professional environments). If I sniffle or scrunch up my nose around you, it could be the Chanel No 5.