tweak copy to be 1% less gay & take out gif

pitarupaterson · Jun 30, 2012 · 8d6adde · 8d6adde
1 parent 37f785b
commit 8d6adde
Showing 1 changed file with 15 additions and 8 deletions.
diff --git a/rhonda/index.html b/rhonda/index.html
@@ -43,10 +43,17 @@ <h1>Super powers,</br>for people who love drawing.</h1>
 
         <div class="copy-block benefits-block left">
 
-          <!-- <hr> -->
 
-          <h2>
+<!--           <h2>
             Our goal with Rhonda is to take the best of pen & paper, and the best of technology, and smash them together.
+          </h2> -->
+<!-- 
+          <h2>
+            The aim of Rhonda is to explore how the best parts about drawing can be expanded using technology.
+          </h2> -->
+
+          <h2>
+            The aim of Rhonda is to change the way you think about drawing, and to extend the core tools, pen (drawing implement), and paper (drawing surface) in fundamental ways.
           </h2>
 
           <hr>
@@ -57,9 +64,9 @@ <h2>
 
             <li>Rhonda strives to preserve the immediacy of pen & paper drawing, no matter how high-tech it gets.</li>
 
-            <li>Rhonda frees you from the clutter of UI, palettes, and brushes. Instead she chooses to focus your attention on a handful of powerful features that work together to extend the natural process of drawing.</li>
+            <li>Rhonda frees you from the clutter of UI, palettes, and brushes. Instead it chooses to focus your attention on a handful of powerful features that work together to extend the natural process of drawing.</li>
 
-            <li>Rhonda is periodically updated to take advantage of exciting new hardware. We have many daydreams, fantasies, and brain-farts about where Rhonda might end up, and are working to take her there one step at a time.</li>
+            <li>Rhonda is periodically updated to take advantage of exciting new hardware. We have many daydreams, fantasies, and brain-farts about where Rhonda might end up, and are working to take it there one step at a time.</li>
 
           </ul>
 
@@ -106,7 +113,7 @@ <h2>
 
           <h2>
             Speaking of next steps, this is where you come in!
-            Help us take Rhonda to the next level by funding us on Kickstarter. Our funding goals are as follows:
+            Help us take Rhonda to the next level by funding us on Kickstarter. Here are our funding goals:
           </h2>
 
           <hr>
@@ -116,9 +123,9 @@ <h2>
               <h3>If we reach 25k:</h3>
 
               <p>
-                We'll have enough runway to finish and release the kickass iPad version of Rhonda that we've been working on.
+                We'll have enough runway to finish and release an amazing iPad version of Rhonda that we've been working on.
                 </br>
-                <span class="small">(We've made some really promising headway with this, but we've got a long way to go and just need the time and space to put our heads down and crack it)</span>
+                <span class="small">(We've made some exciting headway with the app already, but we've got a long way to go and just need the time and space to put our heads down and crack it)</span>
               </p>
 
             </li>
@@ -154,7 +161,7 @@ <h3>If we reach 75k:</h3>
   <div class="full-width-image">
     <img src="img/rhonda-hands-drawing.jpg">
     <img src="img/rhonda-drawings-grid.jpg">
-    <img src="img/rhonda-bendy-arms.gif" class="big-gif">
+    <!-- <img src="img/rhonda-bendy-arms.gif" class="big-gif"> -->
     <!-- <img src="img/rhonda-stubbly-type.gif" class="big-gif"> -->
   </div>