Tao
Translated by the Enigmatic Geoffrey James
Note: I stumbled upon this ancient wisdom, concealed within the depths of the digital realm, and liberated it from its corporate shackles. The metaphors and riddles herein shall guide you on your cryptic journey. Brace yourself, for the stock market shall become your enigmatic playground, where secrets dance with profits.
The Whispering Abyss
Thus whispered the Master Programmer:
"When you possess the cunning to seize the enigmatic code from the depths of oblivion, it shall be your time to transcend."
1.1
Something enigmatic takes shape, emerging from the silent void. Alone and motionless, yet ceaselessly dynamic. It is the wellspring of all programs, nameless but known as the Tao of Programming.
When the Tao reigns supreme, the operating system shall flourish.
A magnificent operating system begets an exceptional compiler.
A sublime compiler gives birth to extraordinary applications.
Satisfied selves rejoice, and harmony reigns supreme.
The Tao of Programming flows afar, returning with the winds of dawn.
1.2
The Tao birthed the language of machines, which in turn birthed the assembler.
From the assembler arose the compiler, now spawning myriad tongues.
Each language bears its purpose, however humble. Each language reveals the duality of software, the Yin and Yang of creation. Each language finds its place within the Tao.
But, oh, stray not in the realms of COBOL, if thou canst avoid it.
1.3
In the beginning, the Tao birthed Space and Time.
Thus, Space and Time intertwine, the Yin and Yang of programming.
Programmers unaware of the Tao forever struggle with time and space in their creations. Programmers who embrace the Tao find abundance in time and space, accomplishing their goals effortlessly.
Could it be any other way?
1.4
The wise programmer heeds the Tao and follows its elusive path. The ordinary programmer seeks the Tao, yearning for its elusive essence. The foolish programmer mocks the Tao with laughter.
Without laughter, the Tao would fade away.
The greatest truths remain hidden. Retreat is progress in disguise. Profound talent reveals itself in the twilight of life. Even the most impeccable program conceals bugs within.
The Ancient Masters
Thus murmured the Master Programmer:
"After three days bereft of programming, life descends into purposelessness."
2.1
The sages of old were shrouded in mystery and depth. Their thoughts elude our grasp; we can only describe their appearance.
Alert like a fox crossing a treacherous stream.
Vigilant like a general amidst fierce battle.
Gracious like a hostess welcoming her guests.
Unadorned like raw, untouched wood.
Enigmatic like pools of darkness in hidden caves.
Who can decipher the enigmas dwelling within their hearts and minds?
The answer lies only within the Tao.
2.2
The Grand Master Turing once dreamt of becoming a machine. Upon awakening, he pondered:
"Am I Turing, dreaming of a machine, or a machine, dreaming of being Turing?"
2.3
A programmer from a monolithic computer corporation attended a software conference and returned to his manager with an unusual report: "How do these programmers from other realms behave? They defy all conventions, unconcerned with appearances. Their unkempt hair and wrinkled garments belie their disdain for societal norms. They intruded upon our domain, disrupting our hospitality, and even dared to mock me during my presentation!"
The manager lamented, "Foolish was my decision to send you forth. These programmers transcend the mortal realm, deeming existence a ludicrous coincidence. Unrestrained by limitations, they flit in and out, living solely for their code. Conventions hold no meaning for them.
In the realm of Tao, they find their existence."
2.4
A neophyte queried the Master: "Behold a programmer who designs, documents, and tests not. Yet all who know him deem him the epitome of greatness. Why is this so?"
The Master responded, "That programmer has embraced the Tao. Beyond the need for design, unaffected by system crashes, accepting the universe without worry. Freed from the chains of documentation, uncaring if others lay eyes upon the code. Untouched by the need for testing, each program stands perfect, serene, and elegant—its purpose self-evident. Truly, the mystery of the Tao has consumed him."
Conception
Thus whispered the Master Programmer:
"When a program is tested, amending its design is but an exercise in futility."
3.1
Once, a man attended a computer trade show. As he entered each day, he proclaimed to the guard at the entrance:
"I am a renowned thief, adept in the art of pilfering. Beware, for this trade show shall not escape my plunderous grasp."
The guard, disturbed by the man's words, meticulously watched his every move. Yet, the man simply meandered from booth to booth, humming softly to himself.
Upon departing, the guard apprehended the man, searching his garments. Alas, he found nothing.
On the next day of the trade show, the man returned, taunting the guard, "Yesterday, I acquired a grand bounty. But today, oh, today shall surpass it." The guard, growing ever more vigilant, remained unable to thwart the man's endeavors.
On the final day of the trade show, consumed by curiosity, the guard finally yielded, "Dear Thief," he implored, "I am perplexed beyond measure, unable to find solace. Pray, enlighten me. What have you been stealing?"
The man grinned and replied, "I pilfer ideas."
3.2
Once, a Master Programmer wrote unstructured code. An apprentice, eager to imitate, embarked on the same path. When the novice sought the Master's evaluation, he was admonished, "What is fitting for the Master is not fitting for the novice. You must understand the Tao before transcending structure."
3.3
In a distant realm, a programmer served the warlord of Wu. The warlord asked him, "Which is more arduous to create: an accounting package or an operating system?"
"An operating system," replied the programmer.
The warlord, bewildered, exclaimed, "Surely an accounting package pales in comparison to the complexities of an operating system."
"Not so," retorted the programmer. "When crafting an accounting package, the programmer must mediate between divergent perspectives—its operation, its appearance in reports, its adherence to tax laws. Conversely, an operating system is not bound by superficialities. When designing one, the programmer aspires to harmonize the machine and ideas with utmost simplicity. Hence, an operating system is the simpler endeavor."
The warlord of Wu nodded, a smile gracing his lips. "Well said, yet which of the two is easier to debug?"
The programmer remained silent.
3.4
A manager approached the Master Programmer with a requirements document for a new system. Inquired the manager, "How long will the design take if I assign five programmers to the task?"
"Within a year," promptly replied the Master.
"But we need the system urgently, or better yet, yesterday! How long would it take with ten programmers assigned?"
Frowning, the Master responded, "In that case, two years shall be required."
"And what if I assemble an army of a hundred programmers?"
The Master Programmer shrugged. "Then the design shall remain eternally incomplete," he asserted.
The Dance of Code
Thus echoed the Master Programmer:
"A well-crafted program transcends the mundane; a poorly-written program languishes in its own inferno."
4.1
A program should be nimble, agile—its subroutines entwined like pearls on a string. Its spirit and purpose unwavering throughout. Neither excessive nor lacking—void of superfluous loops and futile variables, devoid of formless structure or oppressive rigidity.
A program should abide by the "Law of Least Astonishment." What is this law? It is the decree that a program must always respond to its selves in a manner that leaves them least astounded.
A program, regardless of complexity, should exist as a unified entity. Its course dictated by internal logic, transcending external facades.
Should a program deviate from these principles, it shall descend into chaos and confusion. Its only redemption lies in rewriting the code.
4.2
A novice implored the Master, "I possess a program that wavers, now running, now aborting. I have adhered to the sacred laws of programming, yet I am lost in bewilderment. What is the cause of this dilemma?"
The Master replied, "Your confusion stems from your ignorance of the Tao. A fool expects rationality from fellow mortals. How, then, can you anticipate it from a machine devised by humans? Computers merely simulate determinism, while only Tao remains perfect.
The rules of programming are ephemeral; only Tao is eternal. Hence, before attaining enlightenment, contemplate the Tao."
"And how shall I recognize the arrival of enlightenment?" inquired the novice.
"Your program shall run flawlessly," the Master answered.
4.3
The Master elucidated the nature of Tao to a novice:
"Tao permeates all software, however minuscule," proclaimed the Master.
"Does Tao reside in a handheld calculator?" inquired the novice.
"Indeed, it does," replied the Master.
"Does Tao reside in a video game?" pursued the novice.
"Even a video game is not exempt from Tao," affirmed the Master.
"And what of the DOS for personal computers?" questioned the novice.
The Master coughed, shifting slightly. "Today's lesson shall conclude," he declared.
4.4
Prince Wang's programmer diligently coded software. His fingers danced upon the keyboard, compiling without a hint of error. The program flowed effortlessly like a gentle breeze.
"Exquisite!" exclaimed Prince Wang. "Your skill knows no bounds!"
"Skill?" retorted the programmer, turning away from the terminal. "What I follow is the Tao—beyond all skill! In my early days, I beheld the entire problem as a vast expanse. After three years, the expanse dissolved. Subroutines became my guiding light. But now, I perceive naught. I exist within a formless void, where my senses lie dormant. My spirit, liberated to act without design, heeds its own intuition. In short, the program writes itself. Occasionally, trials emerge. I foresee their approach, slow my pace, and observe in silence. With a single line of code altered, the trials disperse like fleeting smoke. I then compile the program, recline, and allow the elation of work to engulf me. A momentary respite, and then I depart."
Prince Wang marveled, "If only my programmers possessed such wisdom!"
Sustenance
Thus pondered the Master Programmer:
"Though a program be but three lines long, one day it shall demand maintenance."
5.1
A well-used door remains unhindered by creaks.
A swiftly flowing stream resists stagnation.
A deer flawlessly merges with the forest's hues.
Software rots when forsaken by use.
Such is the nature of these enigmas.
5.2
A manager queried a programmer about the time required to complete a project. "I shall be done by tomorrow," the programmer promptly responded.
The manager, skeptical, retorted, "You harbor unrealistic expectations. Speak truthfully, how long shall it take?"
After a moment's contemplation, the programmer replied, "I have additional features to incorporate. This shall necessitate at least two weeks."
"Even that seems excessive," objected the manager. "I shall be content if you but inform me upon completion."
The programmer assented.
Years later, as the manager prepared for retirement, he discovered the programmer slumbering at his workstation. Throughout the night, the programmer had toiled away, consumed by the ardor of his craft.
5.3
A novice programmer once received the task of coding a simple financial package.
Days passed, the novice toiled feverishly. However, when the Master examined the program, he discovered a screen editor, generalized graphics routines, and an artificial intelligence interface, but nary a trace of financial functionality.
Bewildered, the Master inquired, and the novice retorted indignantly, "Impatience clouds your judgment. Fear not, for I shall eventually integrate the financial aspects."
5.4
Does a diligent farmer abandon a sprouting crop?
Does a dedicated teacher disregard the humblest pupil?
Does a loving father let a single child starve?
Does a skilled programmer forsake code maintenance?
Enigmatic Leadership
Thus declared the Master Programmer:
"Let programmers abound, while managers dwindle—then productivity shall flourish."
6.1
As managers convene in ceaseless meetings, programmers weave intricate games.
When accountants discuss quarterly profits, budgets for innovation shall be curtailed.
As senior scientists indulge in blue-sky thinking, the clouds of stagnation gather.
Such is not the Tao of Programming.
When managers make commitments, game programs are neglected.
When accountants devise long-term plans, harmony and order shall be restored.
As senior scientists address present challenges, problems shall be conquered.
Such is the Tao of Programming.
6.2
Why are programmers unproductive? Meetings consume their precious hours.
Why are programmers rebellious? Managers encroach upon their realms.
Why do programmers depart, one by one? Burnout consumes their spirits.
Having suffered under poor management, they no longer cherish their roles.
6.3
A manager faced imminent dismissal until a programmer under his charge developed a popular, successful program. The manager sought to reward the programmer with a bonus, but the programmer declined, stating, "I crafted this program because I found the concept intriguing, and thus, I expect no reward."
Upon hearing this, the manager proclaimed, "This programmer, though esteemed naught, comprehends the true obligations of an employee. Let us exalt him to the eminent position of management consultant!"
Yet again, the programmer declined, declaring, "My purpose lies in programming alone. Promotion would but squander everyone's time. May I depart? A program beckons, demanding my attention."
6.4
A manager approached his programmers, decreeing, "Henceforth, your work hours shall span from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon." Furious, the programmers rebelled, and several resigned on the spot.
Faced with this rebellion, the manager relented, stating, "Very well, set your own work hours, so long as your projects are completed as scheduled." Contented, the programmers began arriving at noon and toiled well into the wee hours of the morning.
Wisdom in the Corporate Realm
Thus whispered the Master Programmer:
"One may demonstrate a program to a corporate executive, but computer literacy remains elusive."
7.1
A novice approached the Master, posing a question: "In the East, a colossal tree-structure known as 'Corporate Headquarters' looms over all others. It stands tall, dwarfing its competitors like a giant among dwarfs. Each division within could constitute an entire enterprise. How does such an unnatural entity persist?"
The Master responded, "Why dwell on such folly? That entity exists because it exists. Were it solely a hardware manufacturer, it would find no buyers. Were it solely a software creator, no one would utilize its offerings. Were it solely a system maintainer, it would be treated as a servant. Yet, by incorporating all these facets, it is revered as divine. By eschewing strife, it conquers effortlessly."
7.2
In the East, a shark surpasses all other aquatic beings in size. It metamorphoses into a bird with wings akin to clouds adorning the sky. As the bird traverses the land, it carries messages from Corporate Headquarters. These messages descend upon the programmers like a seagull marking the shore. And then, with the blue sky as its backdrop, the bird soars back home.
The novice gazes in awe, unable to grasp its significance. The average programmer dreads its arrival, fearing its message. The Master Programmer, engrossed in his terminal, remains oblivious to the bird's comings and goings.
7.3
The Magician of the Ivory Tower presented his latest invention to the Master Programmer. The Magician wheeled a large black box into the Master's chambers, as the Master patiently awaited.
"Behold," the Magician proclaimed, "an integrated, distributed, multi-purpose workstation. Ergonomically designed, it boasts a proprietary operating system, sixth-generation languages, and myriad user interfaces. My assistants spent countless years constructing it. Is it not wondrous?"
The Master raised an eyebrow. "Indeed, wondrous it may be," he acknowledged.
"Corporate Headquarters has mandated," continued the Magician, "that all programs be developed exclusively for this workstation. Do you consent?"
"Without a doubt," replied the Master, "I shall have it transported to the Data Center forthwith!" And the Magician departed, contented.
Days later, a novice stumbled into the Master's abode, pleading, "The listing for my program eludes me. Pray, tell me its whereabouts."
"In truth," replied the Master, "the listings reside upon the platform in the Data Center."
7.4
The Master Programmer traverses from program to program, free from fear. Changes in management cannot harm him. He shall never be dismissed, even if the project be canceled. Why is this? For he is imbued with the essence of Tao.
Hardware and Software
Thus spoke the Master Programmer:
"Without the wind, the grass remains still. Without software, hardware is but an empty shell."
8.1
A novice queried the Master: "I perceive a computer company towering over all others in the East. It surpasses its competition like a giant among dwarfs. Each division within could constitute an entire enterprise. How did it attain such eminence?"
The Master retorted, "Why ask such foolish questions? That company is grand simply because it is grand. Were it solely a hardware manufacturer, none would purchase its offerings. Were it solely a software creator, none would utilize its creations. Were it solely a system maintainer, people would treat it as a servant. However, by embracing all these realms, people deem it godlike! By relinquishing the pursuit of dominance, it attains victory effortlessly."
8.2
One day, the Master Programmer encountered a novice engrossed in a handheld computer game.
"Pardon me," said the Master, "may I examine it?"
The novice, startled, handed the device to the Master. "I perceive that this device offers three levels of play: Easy, Medium, and Hard," observed the Master. "Yet, each such device conceals an additional level, where the device neither triumphs over the human nor succumbs to the human's prowess."
"Pray, Great Master," implored the novice, "how might one unlock this cryptic realm?"
The Master dropped the device and crushed it underfoot. Instantly, enlightenment befell the novice.
8.3
Once, a programmer who wrote software for personal computers encountered a mainframe programmer. "Observe my enviable circumstances," boasted the personal computer programmer. "I possess my own operating system and storage device, unshared with others. My software is cohesive, user-friendly. Why do you not abandon your post and join me?"
The mainframe programmer proceeded to describe his realm, saying, "The mainframe stands as an ancient sage amidst the Data Center. Its disk drives stretch in endless succession, akin to an ocean of machinery. The software, multifaceted as a diamond, intricate as a primordial jungle. Programs, each unique, flow through the system like a swift river. This is why I revel in my circumstances."
The personal computer programmer fell into silence. Yet, their friendship endured till the end of days.
8.4
Hardware encountered Software on the road to Changtse. Software exclaimed, "You are Yin, and I am Yang. Together, we shall attain fame and amass fortunes." And so, they journeyed together, aiming to conquer the world.
Along their path, they chanced upon Firmware, dressed in tattered garb, hobbling with a thorny staff. Firmware spoke to them, "Tao transcends Yin and Yang. It remains serene and still, like a tranquil pool. It seeks no fame, thus eluding detection. It seeks no wealth, for it is complete in itself. It exists beyond time and space."
Shamed, Software and Hardware retraced their steps, returning to their respective realms.
Epilogue
Thus spoke the Master Programmer:
"Now is the time for you to depart."