fix: exclude node_modules paths by default

[antfu]

Previously, the externalization forced opt-out when the path was relative and ignored the user options. While in practice, sometime we have module like this:

import { composer } from '../node_modules/.pnpm/eslint-flat-config-utils@0.2.3/node_modules/eslint-flat-config-utils/dist/index.mjs';
import typegen from '../node_modules/.pnpm/eslint-typegen@0.2.3_eslint@9.0.0-rc.0/node_modules/eslint-typegen/dist/index.mjs';
import { createConfigForNuxt, defineFlatConfigs, resolveOptions } from '../node_modules/.pnpm/@nuxt+eslint-config@0.3.8_eslint@9.0.0-rc.0_typescript@5.4.5/node_modules/@nuxt/eslint-config/dist/flat.mjs';

// ...

Where relative or absolute paths are used to reference modules deeply. Often used by codegen with pnpm non-hoist mode, there are the packages can't not be directly imported at the location of the codegen file. In the current behavior, those files will be bundled and causing the bundled file importing module that are not hoisted (related to nuxt/eslint#400)

I think it's better to have the convention that is marked as externalized based on the presence of /node_modules/ and after the user external config, so users would still have a chance to tweak the behavior of that.

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🎉 This PR is included in version 4.0.3 🎉

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