[v23.2.x] c/controller_backend: try to force-abort reconfiguration only on leaders

[vbotbuildovich]

Backport #18021 to branch v23.2.x. Note that this issue was created as a placeholder, since the original PR's commit(s) could not be automatically cherry-picked.
Here are the commands to execute:

git checkout v23.2.x
git checkout -b vbotbuildovich/backport-18021-v23.2.x-317
git cherry-pick -x 8e221d36888652b0d79b81925473e4bb80da2351

git push origin vbotbuildovich/backport-18021-v23.2.x-317
gh pr create \
  --title "[v23.2.x] c/controller_backend: try to force-abort reconfiguration only on leaders" \
  --base "v23.2.x" \
  --label "kind/backport" \
  --head "vbotbuildovich/backport-18021-v23.2.x-317" \
  --draft \
  --repo "redpanda-data/redpanda" \
  --milestone "v23.2.x-next" \
  --body "Backport of PR https://github.com/redpanda-data/redpanda/pull/18021 "

JIRA Link: [CORE-2637](https://redpandadata.atlassian.net/browse/CORE-2637)

[CORE-2637]: https://redpandadata.atlassian.net/browse/CORE-2637?atlOrigin=eyJpIjoiNWRkNTljNzYxNjVmNDY3MDlhMDU5Y2ZhYzA5YTRkZjUiLCJwIjoiZ2l0aHViLWNvbS1KU1cifQ