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  [ Transcriber's Note:
    This e-book belongs to Tolstoy's Plays (Complete Edition). The
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    e-book #26660; it lists the other plays in the collection.

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                          THE FIRST DISTILLER

                          A COMEDY IN SIX ACTS

                                 (1886)




CHARACTERS


A PEASANT.

    { WIFE.
HIS { MOTHER.
    { GRANDFATHER.
    { LITTLE DAUGHTER.

A NEIGHBOUR.

FOUR VILLAGE ELDERS.

OLD WOMEN, WOMEN, GIRLS AND LADS.


THE CHIEF OF THE DEVILS.

HIS SECRETARY.

A DANDY IMP.

THE OFFICIALS' IMP.

THE PEASANTS' IMP.

SENTINELS, DOORKEEPERS AND IMPS.




                          THE FIRST DISTILLER

                                A COMEDY




ACT I


PEASANT [ploughing. Looks up] It's noon. Time to unharness. Gee up, get
along! Fagged out? Poor old beast! One more turn and back again, that
will be the last furrow, and then dinner. It was a good idea to bring
that chunk of bread with me. I'll not go home, but sit down by the well
and have a bite and a rest, and Peggy can graze awhile. Then, with God's
help, to work again, and the ploughing will be done in good time.

    Enter Imp; hides behind a bush.

IMP. See what a good fellow he is! Keeps calling on God. Wait a bit,
friend,--you'll be calling on the Devil before long! I'll just take away
his chunk. He'll miss it before long, and will begin to hunt for it.
He'll be hungry, and then he'll swear and call on the Devil.

    Takes the chunk of bread and sits down behind the bush watching to
    see what the Peasant will do.

PEASANT [unharnesses the horse] With God's blessing! [Lets the horse
loose, and goes towards the place where his coat is lying] I'm awfully
hungry. The wife cut a big chunk, but see if I don't eat it all. [Coming
up to the coat] Gone! I must have put it under the coat. [Lifting the
coat] No, it's not here either! What has happened? [Shakes the coat].

IMP [behind the bush] Go on, go on, search away! I've got it safe!

PEASANT [moves the plough and shakes his coat again] This is strange!
Very strange! No one was here, yet the chunk is gone! If the birds had
been at it there would be some crumbs left, but there's not a single
crumb! No one has been here, and yet some one has taken it!

IMP [rises and looks out] Now he'll call on the Devil.

PEASANT. Well, it seems there's no help for it! Never mind, I shan't
starve to death. If some one has taken it, he's taken it; let him eat
it, and may it do him good.

IMP [spits] Oh, the damned peasant! Instead of swearing properly, he
only says, "May it do him good." What can one do with such a fellow?

    Peasant lies down to rest, makes the sign of the cross, yawns, and
    falls asleep.

IMP [comes out from behind the bush] It's all very well for the boss to
talk. The boss keeps on saying, "You don't bring enough peasants to
Hell! See what a lot of tradesmen, gentlefolk, and all sorts of people
flock in every day, and how few peasants!" Now, how's one to get round
this one? There's no way of getting hold of him. Haven't I stolen his
last crust? What can I do better than that? And yet he didn't swear. I'm
at my wits' end what to do! Well, I must go and report!

    Disappears into the ground.


                                Curtain.




ACT II

    Hell. The Chief of the Devils sits in the highest place. The Devil's
    Secretary sits lower down, at a table with writing materials.
    Sentinels stand at each side. To the right are five Imps of
    different kinds. To the left, by the door, the Doorkeeper. A
    dandified Imp stands before the Chief.


THE DANDY IMP. The whole of my booty for the three years has been
220,005 men. They're all in my power now.

THE CHIEF. All right. Thank you. Pass on.

    The Dandy Imp goes to the right.

THE CHIEF [to the Secretary] I'm tired! Is there much business left?
Whose reports have we had, and whose are still to come?

THE SECRETARY [counts on his fingers and, as he counts, points to the
Imps to the right. When he mentions any Imp, the one referred to bows]
We've had the Gentlefolks' Devil's report. He's captured 1836 in all.
And the Tradesmen's Devil's with 9643. From the Lawyers', 3423. The
Women's we've also just had: 186,315 married women, and 17,438 maids.
Only two Devils are left, the Officials' and the Peasants'. There are
altogether 220,005 souls on the list.

CHIEF. Well then, we'd better finish it all to-day. [To the Doorkeeper]
Let them in!

    The Officials' Devil enters, and bows to the Chief.

CHIEF. Well, how have you got on?

OFFICIALS' IMP [laughing, and rubbing his hands] My affairs are all
right, just as soot they are white! The booty is such that I don't
remember anything like it since the creation of the world.

CHIEF. What, have you captured a great many?

OFFICIALS' IMP. It's not so much the quantity. Only 1350 men in all, but
such splendid fellows! Such fellows, they might shame any Devil! They
can embroil people better than we ourselves can. I've introduced a new
fashion among them.

CHIEF. What's that new fashion?

OFFICIALS' IMP. Why, in former times lawyers were in attendance on the
judges and deceived people. Now, I've arranged for them to do business
also apart from the judges. Whoever pays most, is the one to whose
business they attend. And they'll take such trouble over it that they'll
make out a case where there is none! They and the officials between them
embroil people far better than we Devils can.

CHIEF. All right. I'll have a look at them. You may pass on.

    The Officials' Imp goes to the right.

CHIEF [to Doorkeeper] Let in the last one.

    Enter the Peasants' Imp with the chunk of bread. He bows to the
    ground.

PEASANTS' IMP. I can't live like this any longer! Give me another
appointment!

CHIEF. What appointment? What are you jabbering about? Get up and talk
sense. Give in your report! How many peasants have you captured this
week?

PEASANTS' IMP [crying] Not one!

CHIEF. What? Not one! What do you mean? What have you been doing? Where
have you been loafing?

PEASANTS' IMP [whimpering] I've not been loafing; I've been straining
every nerve all the time, but I can't do anything! There now, I went and
took his last crust from under the very nose of one of them, and,
instead of swearing, he wished it might do me good!

CHIEF. What?... What?... What are you mumbling there? Just blow your
nose, and then speak sensibly! One can't make head or tail of what
you're saying.

PEASANTS' IMP. Why, there was a peasant ploughing; and I knew he had
brought only a chunk of bread with him, and had nothing else to eat. I
stole his crust. By rights he should have sworn; but what does he do? He
says, "Let him who has taken it eat it, and may it do him good!" I've
brought the chunk of bread away with me. Here it is!

CHIEF. Well, and what of the others?

PEASANTS' IMP. They're all alike. I could not manage to take a single
one.

CHIEF. How dare you appear before me with empty hands? And as if that
were not enough, you must needs bring some stinking crust or other here!
Do you mean to mock me? Do you mean to live in Hell and eat the bread of
idleness? The others do their best, and work hard! Why, they [points to
the Imps] have each supplied 10,000 or 20,000, or even 200,000. And you
come with empty hands, and bring a miserable crust, and begin spinning
your yarns. You chatter, but don't work; and that's why you've lost hold
of them. But wait a bit, my friend, I'll teach you a thing or two!

PEASANTS' IMP. Before you punish me, listen to what I'll tell you. It's
all very well for those other Devils, who have to do with gentlefolk,
with merchants, or with women. It's all plain sailing for them! Show a
nobleman a coronet, or a fine estate, and you've got him, and may lead
him where you like. It's the same with a tradesman. Show him some money
and stir up his covetousness, and you may lead him as with a halter. And
with the women it's also plain sailing. Give them finery and sweets--and
you may do what you like with them. But as to the peasants--there's a
long row to hoe with them! When he's at work from morn till
night--sometimes even far into the night--and never starts without a
thought of God, how's one to get at him? Master, remove me from these
peasants! I'm tired to death of them, and have angered you into the
bargain!

CHIEF. You're humbugging, you idler! It's no use your talking about the
others. They've got hold of the merchants, the nobles, and the women,
because they knew how to treat them, and invented new traps for them!
The official one there--he has made quite a new departure. You must
think of something too! You've stolen a crust, and brag about it! What a
clever thing to do! Surround them with snares, and they'll get caught in
one or other of them. But loafing about as you do, and leaving the way
open for them, those peasants of yours have gained strength. They begin
not to care about their last crust. If they take to such ways, and teach
their women the same, they'll get quite beyond us! Invent something! Get
out of the hole as best you can.

PEASANTS' IMP. I can't think how to set about it. Let me off! I can
stand it no longer!

CHIEF [angrily] Can't stand it! What do you think, then? Am I to do your
work for you?

PEASANTS' IMP. I can't!

CHIEF. Can't? Wait a bit! Hollo, there! bring the switches; give him a
thrashing.

    The Sentinels seize the Imp and whip him.

PEASANTS' IMP. Oh! Oh! Oh!...

CHIEF. Have you thought of something?

PEASANTS' IMP. Oh, oh, I can't!

CHIEF. Give him some more. [They whip] Well--thought of something?

PEASANTS' IMP. Yes--yes, I have!

CHIEF. Well, tell us what it is.

PEASANTS' IMP. I've invented a dodge that will bring them all into my
grasp, if you'll only let me take a labourer's place with that peasant.
But I can't explain what it is beforehand.

CHIEF. All right. Only remember, that if you don't atone for that crust
within three years, I'll flay you alive!

PEASANTS' IMP. They'll all be mine in three years' time.

CHIEF. All right. When the three years are past, I shall come and see
for myself!


                                Curtain.




ACT III

    A barn. Carts loaded with grain. The Imp as a Labourer. He is
    shovelling grain off the cart, and the Peasant is carrying it away
    in a measure.


LABOURER. Seven!

PEASANT. How many quarters?

LABOURER [looks at the numbers marked on the barn door] Twenty-six
quarters. And this is the seventh bushel of the twenty-seventh quarter.

PEASANT. It won't all go in; the barn is nearly full!

LABOURER. Shovel it nice and even.

PEASANT. So I will.

    Exit with measure.

LABOURER [alone, takes off his cap, his horns appear] It will be some
time before he returns. I'll ease my horns a bit. [Horns rise] And I'll
take my boots off too; I can't do it when he's here. [Takes his boots
off, his hoofs appear. Sits on the threshold] It's the third year now.
It's near the time of reckoning. There's more corn than there's room
for. Only one more thing left to teach him, and then let the Chief come
and see for himself. I'll have something worth showing him! He'll
forgive me for that crust!

    Neighbour approaches. Labourer hides his horns and hoofs.

NEIGHBOUR. Good day to you.

LABOURER. The same to you.

NEIGHBOUR. Where's your master?

LABOURER. He's gone to spread the grain more even; it won't all go in.

NEIGHBOUR. Dear me, what a run of luck your master is having! More than
he has room for? We're all amazed at the harvests your master has had
these two years. It's as if some one had told him what was coming. Last
year was a dry season, and he had sown in the bog. Others had no
harvest, but your threshing ground was covered with sheaves! This year
we've a rainy summer, and he's been sharp enough to sow on the hill.
Everybody's corn has rotted, but you have a splendid harvest. What
grain! Ah, what grain!

    Takes some grain, weighs it in his hand, and chews it.

PEASANT [enters with empty measure] How d'ye do, neighbour?

NEIGHBOUR. Good day. I was saying to your man here, how well you managed
to guess where to sow your corn. Every one envies you. What heaps, what
heaps of corn you have got! You'll not eat it all in ten years.

PEASANT. It's all thanks to Nicholas here. [Points to Labourer] It was
his luck. Last year I sent him to plough, and what did he do but plough
in the bog. I gave him a scolding, but he persuaded me to sow there. And
so I did, and it turned out all for the best! And this year he again
guessed right, and sowed on the hill!

NEIGHBOUR. It's as if he knew what kind of season it would be. Yes, you
have got corn enough and no mistake! [Silence] And I have come to ask
you to lend me a sack of rye. Ours is all used up. I'll return it next
year.

PEASANT. All right, you may have it.

LABOURER [nudging the Peasant] Don't give it!

PEASANT. No more words about it. Take it.

NEIGHBOUR. Thank you. I'll just run and fetch a sack.

LABOURER [aside] He keeps to his old ways ... still goes on giving. He
doesn't always obey me. But just wait a bit. He'll soon stop giving
away.

    Exit Neighbour.

PEASANT [sitting down on the threshold] Why should one not give to a
good man?

LABOURER. Giving is one thing, getting back another! You know--

        "It's a good world to lend in, a good world to spend in,
         But to get back one's own, it's the worst world that's known."

That's what the old folk say.

PEASANT. Don't worry. We've plenty of corn.

LABOURER. Well, what of that?

PEASANT. We've enough, not only till next harvest but for two years
ahead. What are we to do with it all?

LABOURER. What are we to do with it? I could make such stuff of this
corn as would make you rejoice all the days of your life.

PEASANT. Why, what would you make of it?

LABOURER. A kind of drink. Drink, that would give you strength when you
are weak, satisfy you when you are hungry, give you sleep when you are
restless, make you merry when you're sad, give you courage when you're
afraid. That's the drink I'd make!

PEASANT. Rubbish!

LABOURER. Rubbish indeed! It was just the same when I told you to sow in
the bog, and then on the hill. You did not believe me then, but now you
know! You'll find out about the drink the same way.

PEASANT. But what will you make it of?

LABOURER. Why, of this same corn.

PEASANT. But won't that be a sin?

LABOURER. Just hear him! Why should it be a sin? Everything is given for
a joy to man.

PEASANT. And where did you get all your wisdom from, Nick? You seem a
very ordinary man to look at, and hard-working too. Why, I don't
remember you so much as ever taking your boots off all these two years
you've been with me. And yet you seem to know everything. Where did you
learn it?

LABOURER. I've been about a good deal!

PEASANT. And so you say this drink will give one strength?

LABOURER. Just wait till you try it and see the good that comes of it.

PEASANT. And how are we to make it?

LABOURER. It's not hard to make when you know how! Only we shall want a
copper and a couple of iron vessels.

PEASANT. And does it taste nice?

LABOURER. As sweet as honey. When once you've tasted it you'll never
give it up.

PEASANT. Is that so? Well, I'll go to the neighbour's; he used to have a
copper. We'll have a try!


                                Curtain.




ACT IV

    A barn. In the middle a closed copper on the fire, with another
    vessel, under which is a tap.


LABOURER [holds a tumbler under the tap and drinks the spirit] Well,
master, it's ready now.

PEASANT [sitting on his heels and looking on] What a queer thing. Here's
water coming out of the mixture. Why are you letting this water off
first?

LABOURER. It's not water. It is the very stuff itself!

PEASANT. Why is it so clear? I thought it would be yellow like grain.
This is just like water.

LABOURER. But you just smell it!

PEASANT. Ah, what a scent! Well, well, let's see what it's like in the
mouth. Let me taste! [Tries to take the tumbler out of the Labourer's
hand].

LABOURER. Mind, you'll spill it! [Turns the tap off, drinks and smacks
his lips] It's ready! Here you are. Drink it!

PEASANT [drinks, first sipping, then taking more and more, till he
empties the glass and gives it back] Now then, some more. One can't tell
the taste from such a drop.

LABOURER [laughing] Well, you seem to like it! [Draws some more].

PEASANT [drinks] Eh, that's the sort! Let's call the missis. Hey,
Martha! Come along! It's ready! Come on there!

    Enter Wife and little girl.

WIFE. What's the matter? Why are you kicking up such a row?

PEASANT. You just taste what we've been distilling. [Hands her the
glass] Smell! What does it smell of?

WIFE [smells] Dear me!

PEASANT. Drink!

WIFE. But perhaps it may do one some harm?

PEASANT. Drink, fool!

WIFE. True. It is nice!

PEASANT [a little tipsy] Nice indeed! You wait and see what'll happen.
Nick says it drives all weariness out of one's bones. The young grow
old. I mean, the old grow young. There now, I've only had two glasses of
it, and all my bones have got easy. [Swaggers] You see? Wait a bit, when
you and I drink it every day we'll grow young again! Come, Martha!
[Embraces her].

WIFE. Get along. Why, it's made you quite silly.

PEASANT. There, you see! You said Nick and I were wasting the corn, but
just see what stuff we've concocted. Eh? It's good, ain't it?

WIFE. Of course, it's good if it makes the old young again. Just see how
jolly it has made you! And I feel jolly too! Now then, join in! Ah ...
Ah ... Ah ... [Sings].

PEASANT. Yes, that's the way! We'll all be young, all young.

WIFE. We must call mother-in-law, for she's always sad and grumbling.
She needs renewing. When she's younger she'll get kinder.

PEASANT [tipsy] Yes, call mother. Call her here, and grandfather too. I
say, Mary, run and call your granny and great-grandfather. Tell him he
must get down from the oven! We'll make him young again. Now then,
quick! One, two, three, and away! Off like a shot! [Girl runs off. To
Wife] We'll have another glass.

    Labourer fills and hands the glasses.

PEASANT [drinks] At first we got young at the top, in the tongue; then
it went down into the arms. Now it has reached the feet. I feel my feet
getting younger. They're moving of themselves. [Starts dancing].

WIFE [drinks] You're a real clever 'un, Nick! Now then, strike up!

    Labourer takes a balaláyka[1] and plays. Peasant and Wife dance.

  [1] The balaláyka is an instrument (generally three-stringed) used by
  Russian peasants, and answering to the <DW64>s' banjo.

LABOURER [plays in the foreground of the scene, laughing and winking as
he watches them. Then he leaves off playing, but they still continue to
dance] You'll pay for that crust! You've done it now, my fine fellows.
They'll never get out of it. The Chief can come when he likes now!

    Enter a fresh-looking elderly woman, and a very old white-haired
    man, the Peasant's Grandfather.

GRANDFATHER. What's the matter? Have you gone mad? Dancing while every
one else is at work!

WIFE [dances and claps her hands] Oh--Oh--Oh-- [Sings]

        "That I'm sinning I will own,
         Free from sin is God alone!"

OLD WOMAN. Oh, you wretch! The oven's not cleaned out yet, and here you
are dancing!

PEASANT. Wait a bit, mother. See what has been happening here. We can
make old people young again! Here you are! Just drink this! [Passes
tumbler].

OLD WOMAN. There's plenty of water in the well. [Smells it] But what
have you put in? My--what a smell!

PEASANT. You just drink it.

OLD WOMAN [tastes] Dear me! But won't one die of it?

WIFE. It will make you more alive. You'll grow young again!

OLD WOMAN. Nonsense! [Drinks] But it's nice! Better than our drinks.
Here, father, have some too.

    Grandfather sits down and shakes his head.

LABOURER. Never mind him. But granny must have another glass. [Hands
some to the old woman].

OLD WOMAN. If only no harm comes of it. Oh dear, it does burn! But it is
nice.

WIFE. Drink it! Then you'll feel it running through your veins.

OLD WOMAN. Well, I suppose I'll have to try. [Drinks].

WIFE. Has it reached your feet yet?

OLD WOMAN. True enough, it does run through you. I feel it here now! And
it really makes one feel quite light. Come--give me some more. [Drinks
again] Fine! Now I'm quite young again.

PEASANT. Didn't I tell you?

OLD WOMAN. Ah, it's a pity my old man is no longer here. He might have
seen once more what I was like in my young days.

    Labourer plays. Peasant and Wife dance.

OLD WOMAN [comes into the middle] Do you call that dancing? Let me show
you. [Dances] That's the way! Then like this, and like that! Do you see?

    Grandfather goes up to the vessel and lets the spirit run out on to
    the ground.

PEASANT [notices and rushes at his Grandfather] What are you up to, you
old fool? Spilling such fine stuff! Oh, you old dotard! [Pushes him away
and holds tumbler under tap] You've emptied it all!

GRANDFATHER. It's evil and not good! God has sent you a good harvest for
you to feed yourself and others, but you have turned the corn into
devils' drink. No good will come of it. Give up this business. Else
you'll perish and ruin others! You think this is drink? It's fire, and
will burn you up! [Takes a brand from the fire and lights the spilt
spirit. The spirit burns. They all look on with horror].


                                Curtain.




ACT V

    Interior of hut. The Labourer alone, his horns and hoofs showing.


LABOURER. There's lots of corn. More than there's room for, and he's now
got a taste for it. We've been distilling again, and we've filled a
barrel and hidden it away. We're not going to treat any one for nothing,
but when we want to get something out of a fellow, then we'll treat him!
So to-day I told him to invite the village elders and treat them, that
they should divide up the property between him and his grandfather, and
give everything to him and nothing to the old man! My three years are up
to-day, and my work is finished. Let the Chief come and see for himself.
I needn't be ashamed of his seeing it!

    Chief appears out of the ground.

CHIEF. Time's up! Have you redeemed your bread-blunder? I told you I'd
come and see for myself. Have you managed the Peasant?

LABOURER. Done him completely! Judge for yourself. Some of them will
meet here soon. Get into the oven, and see what they'll do. You'll be
well satisfied!

CHIEF [climbs into the oven] We'll see!

    Enter the Peasant and four old men. The Wife follows. The men sit
    down round the table. The Wife lays the cloth, sets ox-foot brawn
    and pies on the table. The old men exchange greetings with Labourer.

FIRST ELDER. Well, have you made more of the drink?

LABOURER. Yes, we've distilled as much as we need. Why let valuable
stuff be wasted?

SECOND ELDER. And is it a success?

LABOURER. Better than the first lot.

SECOND ELDER. But where did you learn to make it?

LABOURER. Going about in the world one learns many things!

THIRD ELDER. Yes, yes, you're a knowing fellow.

    Wife brings spirits and glasses.

PEASANT. Have a drop!

    Wife takes a decanter and fills glasses.

WIFE. Do us the honour!

FIRST ELDER [drinks] Your health! Ah, that's good. It runs right through
all one's joints. That's what I call proper drink!

    The other three Elders do the same. Chief gets out of the oven.
    Labourer goes and stands by him.

LABOURER [to Chief] See what will happen now! I'll trip up the woman
with my foot and she'll spill the liquor. Formerly he did not grudge his
last crust, but now see what he'll do about a glass of spirits!

PEASANT. Now then, wife, fill again and hand it round in due
order--first to our friend here, then to Daddy Michael.

    Wife fills a glass and goes round the table. The Labourer trips her
    up; she stumbles and upsets the glass.

WIFE. Gracious goodness, I've spilt it! Why do you get in my way,
confound you?

PEASANT [to Wife] There now, what a clumsy beast! Her fingers are all
thumbs, and she goes swearing at others! See what fine stuff she goes
spilling on the ground!

WIFE. I didn't do it on purpose.

PEASANT. On purpose indeed! Wait till I get up; I'll teach you how to
pour spirits on the ground. [To Labourer] And you too, you confounded
fool, what are you prancing round the table for? Go to the Devil!

    Wife again fills and hands the glasses round.

LABOURER [goes back to the oven to the Chief] You see? Formerly he did
not grudge his last crust, and now for a glass of spirits he nearly beat
his wife and sent me to you--to the Devil!

CHIEF. It's good, very good! I'm satisfied.

LABOURER. You wait a bit. Let them empty the bottle--and you'll see what
will happen. Even now they are giving each other smooth oily words;
presently they'll start flattering each other,--as cunning as foxes.

PEASANT. Well, old friends, what's your opinion of my business? My
grandfather has been living with me, and I have been feeding him and
feeding him, and now he's gone to live with my uncle, and wants to take
his share of the property and give it to uncle! Consider it well; you
are wise men. We could as well do without our own heads as without you.
There's no one in the whole village to come near you. Take you for
example, Iván Fedótitch--doesn't every one say you're first among men?
And as for me, I'll tell you the truth, Iván Fedótitch, I'm fonder of
you than of my own father or mother. As for Michael Stepánitch, he's an
old friend.

FIRST ELDER [to Peasant] It's good to talk with a good man. It's the way
to get wisdom. It's just the same with you. One can't find any one to
compare with you either.

SECOND ELDER. Wise and affectionate--that's what I like you for.

THIRD ELDER. You have my best sympathy. I can't find words to express
it. I was saying to my old woman only to-day ...

FOURTH ELDER. A friend, a real friend!

LABOURER [nudges the Chief] Do you hear? All lies! They abuse one
another behind their backs, but see how thick they are laying it on
now,--like foxes wagging their tails! And it all comes from that drink.

CHIEF. That drink is good, very good! If they take to lying like that,
they'll all be ours. Very good; I'm satisfied!

LABOURER. Wait a bit. When they've finished a second bottle it will be
better still!

WIFE [serves] Do have another glass.

FIRST ELDER. Won't it be too much? Your health! [Drinks] It's pleasant
to drink in the company of a good man.

SECOND ELDER. How can one help drinking? Health to the host and hostess!

THIRD ELDER. Friends, your health!

FOURTH ELDER. This is a brew of the right sort! Let's be merry! We'll
arrange things for you. 'Cos it all depends on me!

FIRST ELDER. On you? No, not on you, but on what your seniors say.

FOURTH ELDER. My seniors are greater fools. Go where you came from!

SECOND ELDER. What are you up to now? You fool!

THIRD ELDER. It's true what he's saying! 'Cos why? The host is not
entertaining us for nothing. He means business. The business can be
arranged. Only you must stand treat! Show us due respect. 'Cos it's you
as wants me, and not I you! You're own brother to the pig!

PEASANT. And you're itself! What are you yelling for? Think to surprise
me? You are all good at stuffing yourselves!

FIRST ELDER. What are you giving yourself airs for? See if I don't twist
your nose to one side!

PEASANT. We'll see whose nose will get twisted!

SECOND ELDER. Think yourself such a marvel? Go to the Devil! I won't
speak to you--I'll go away!

PEASANT [holds him] What, will you break up the company?

SECOND ELDER. Let me go, or I'll call for help!

PEASANT. I won't! What right have you to ...?

SECOND ELDER. This right! [Beats him].

PEASANT [to the other Elders] Help me!

    They fall on one another, and all speak at once.

FIRST ELDER. That's why. 'Cos it means we're all having a spree-ee!

SECOND ELDER. I can arrange everything!

THIRD ELDER. Let's have some more!

PEASANT [to Wife] Bring another bottle!

    All sit round the table again and drink.

LABOURER [to Chief] Have you noticed? The wolf's blood in them was
aroused, and they've turned as fierce as wolves.

CHIEF. The drink is good! I'm satisfied!

LABOURER. Wait a bit. Let them empty a third bottle. Things will be
better still!


                                Curtain.




ACT VI

    The scene represents a village street. To the right some old women
    are sitting on logs of wood with the Grandfather. In the centre, is
    a ring of women, girls, and lads. Dance music is played and they
    dance. Noise is heard from the hut, and drunken screams. An old man
    comes out and shouts in a tipsy voice. The Peasant follows him and
    leads him back.


GRANDFATHER. Ah, what doings! what doings! One would think, what more
would any one want than to do his work on week days, and when Sunday
comes round, to have a good wash, clean the harness, and rest a bit and
sit with his family; or go outside and have a talk with the old folk
about matters concerning the Commune. Or, if you're young, have a game.
There they are playing,--and it's pleasant to look at them. It's all
pleasant and good. [Screams inside the hut] But this sort of thing, what
is it? It only leads men astray, and pleases the Devils. And it all
comes of fat living!

    Tipsy men come tumbling out of the hut, shout, and catch hold of the
    girls.

GIRLS. Leave off, Daddy Tom! What do you mean by it?

LADS. Let's go into the lane. It's impossible to play here.

    Exeunt all who were playing in the ring.

PEASANT [goes up to Grandfather] What have you got now? The Elders will
allot everything to me! [Snaps his fingers at him] That's what you'll
get! So there you are! It's all mine and you've nothing! They'll tell
you so themselves!

    The four Elders speak all at once.

FIRST ELDER. 'Cos I know what's what!

SECOND ELDER.

        "'Fore all I'll be heard,
         'Cos I'm an old bird!"

THIRD ELDER. Friend! dear friend, dearest friend!

FOURTH ELDER.

        "Jog along hut, jog along bed,
         The missis has nowhere to lay down her head!"

Now then, come along!

    The Elders take each other's arms in couples and go off reeling, one
    couple following the other. The Peasant turns back to the hut, but
    stumbles before he reaches it,--falls down, and lies muttering
    incomprehensible words that sound like grunts. The Grandfather and
    those he was with, rise and exeunt.

    Enter Labourer and Chief of Devils.

LABOURER. Did you see? Now the swine's blood has been roused in them,
and from wolves they have turned into swine! [Points to Peasant] There
he lies in the dirt and grunts like a hog!

CHIEF. You have succeeded! First like foxes, then like wolves, and now
like swine! Well, that is a drink! But tell me, how did you make it? I
suppose it's made of a mixture of foxes', wolves', and swine's blood?

LABOURER. Oh no! I only supplied him with too much corn! As long as he
had only as much corn as he needed, he did not grudge his last crust,
but when he had more than he knew what to do with, the fox's, the
wolf's, and the swine's blood in him awoke. He always had beast's blood
in him, only it could not get the upper hand.

CHIEF. Well, you're a fine fellow! You've atoned for your crust-blunder.
Now they only need to drink spirits, and they're altogether ours!


                                Curtain.


                     END OF "THE FIRST DISTILLER."




[ Transcriber's Note:

  The following is a list of corrections made to the original. The first
  line is the original line, the second the corrected one.

                                Curtain   [at the ends of Acts III and V]
                                Curtain.

    Wife again fills and hands the glasses round
    Wife again fills and hands the glasses round.
]





End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The First Distiller, by Leo Tolstoy

*** 