



Produced by Louise Hope




[Transcriber's Note:

This text is intended for users whose text readers cannot use the "real"
(Unicode/UTF-8) version. In the Latin text, the "oe" diphthong is shown
as [oe] to distinguish it from the two-vowel sequence "oe" ("coeuntia").
The asterism used in the advertising section is shown as ***.

The Prosody section uses letters with macrons and breves ("long" and
"short" marks). In _this section only_, vowels with macron are shown
as CAPITALS, while vowels with breve are shown in {braces}. Long vowels
that are already capitalized (very rare) are shown in [brackets].

This book was written in 1840. It includes material that may be
offensive to some readers. Students should be cautioned that the book
predates "New Style" (classical) pronunciation. Note in particular
the pronunciation of "j" ("Never jam today") and of all vowels ("Yes,
you Can-u-leia").

In the main text, boldface type is shown in +marks+. In the advertising
section at the end, the same +marks+ represent sans-serif type.

Typographical errors are listed at the end of the text, along with some
general notes.]




    [Frontispiece:
    "Painted and Engraved by John Leech, R.C.A."]




                   THE COMIC

                 LATIN GRAMMAR;

        A new and facetious Introduction

                     to the

                  LATIN TONGUE.

          With Numerous Illustrations.


              The Second Edition.


                    London:
          CHARLES TILT, FLEET STREET.
                    MDCCCXL.




  Coe, Printer, 27, Old Change, St. Paul's.




  ADVERTISEMENT

  TO THE SECOND EDITION.


The Author of this little work cannot allow a second edition of it to go
forth to the world, unaccompanied by a few words of apology, he being
desirous of imitating, in every respect, the example of distinguished
writers.

He begs that so much as the consciousness of being answerable for a
great deal of nonsense, usually prompts a man to say, in the hope of
disarming criticism, may be considered to have been said already. But he
particularly requests that the want of additions to his book may be
excused; and pleads, in arrest of judgment, his numerous and absorbing
avocations.

Wishing to atone as much as possible for this deficiency, and prevailed
upon by the importunity of his friends, he has allowed a portrait of
himself, by that eminent artist, Mr. John Leech, to whom he is indebted
for the embellishments, and very probably for the sale of the book, to
be presented, facing the title-page, to the public.

Here again he has been influenced by the wish to comply with the
requisitions of custom, and the disinclination to appear odd, whimsical,
or peculiar.

On the admirable sketch itself, bare justice requires that he should
speak somewhat in detail. The likeness he is told, he fears by too
partial admirers, is excellent. The principle on which it has been
executed, that of investing with an ideal magnitude, the proportions of
nature, is plainly, from what we observe in heroic poetry, painting, and
sculpture, the soul itself of the superhuman and sublime. Of the
justness of the metaphorical compliment implied in the delineation of
the head, it is not for the author to speak; of its exquisiteness and
delicacy, his sense is too strong for expression. The habitual
pensiveness of the elevated eyebrows, mingled with the momentary gaiety
of the rest of the countenance, is one of the most successful points in
the picture, and is as true to nature as it is indicative of art.

The Author's tailor, though there are certain reasons why his name
should not appear in print, desires to express his obligation to the
talented artist for the very favourable impression which, without
prejudice to truth, has been given to the public of his skill. The ease
so conspicuous in the management of the surtout, and the thought so
remarkable in the treatment of the trousers, fully warrant his
admiration and gratitude.

Too great praise cannot be bestowed on the boots, considered with
reference to art, though in this respect the Author is quite sensible
that both himself and the maker of their originals have been greatly
flattered. He is also perfectly aware that there is a degree of
neatness, elegance, and spirit in the tie of the cravat, to which he has
in reality never yet been able to attain.

In conclusion, he is much gratified by the taste displayed in furnishing
him with so handsome a walking stick; and he assures all whom it may
concern, that the hint thus bestowed will not be lost upon him; for he
intends immediately to relinquish the large oaken cudgel which he has
hitherto been accustomed to carry, and to appear, in every respect, to
the present generation, such as he will descend to posterity.




  PREFACE.


A great book, says an old proverb, is a great evil; and a great preface,
says a new one, is a great bore. It is not, therefore, our intention to
expatiate largely on the present occasion; especially since a long
discourse prefixed to a small volume, is like a forty-eight pounder at
the door of a pig-stye. We should as soon think of erecting the Nelson
Memorial in front of Buckingham Palace. Indeed, were it not necessary to
show some kind of respect to fashion, we should hasten at once into the
midst of things, instead of trespassing on the patience of our readers,
and possibly, trifling with their time. We should not like to be kept
waiting at a Lord Mayor's feast by a long description of the bill of
fare. Our preface, however, shall at least have the merit of novelty;
it shall be candid.

This book, like the razors in Dr. Wolcot's story, is made to _sell_.
This last word has a rather equivocal meaning-- but we scorn to blot,
otherwise we should say to be sold. An article offered for sale may,
nevertheless, be worth buying; and it is hoped that the resemblance
between the aforesaid razors, and this our production, does not extend
to the respective _sharpness_ of the commodities. The razors proved
scarcely worth a farthing to the clown who bought them for
eighteen-pence, and were fit to shave nothing but the beard of an
oyster. We trust that the "Comic Latin Grammar" will be found to _cut_,
now and then, rather better, at least, than that comes to; and that it
will reward the purchaser, at any rate, with his pennyworth for his
penny, by its genuine bona fide contents. There are many works, the
pages of which contain a good deal of useful matter-- sometimes in the
shape of an ounce of tea or a pound of butter: we venture to indulge the
expectation, that these latter additions to the value of our own, will
be considered unnecessary.

Perhaps we should have adopted the title of "Latin in sport made
learning in earnest"-- which would give a tolerable idea of the nature
of our undertaking. The doctrine, it is true, may bear the same relation
to the lighter matter, that the bread in Falstaff's private account did
to the liquor; though if we have given our reader "a deal of sack," we
wish it may not be altogether "intolerable." Latin, however, is a great
deal less like bread, to most boys, than it is like physic; especially
_antimony_, _ipecacuanha_, and similar medicines. It ought, therefore,
to be given in something palatable, and capable of causing it to be
retained by the-- mind-- in what physicians call a pleasant vehicle.
This we have endeavoured to invent-- and if we have disguised the
flavour of the drugs without destroying their virtues, we shall have
entirely accomplished our design. There are a few particularly nasty
pills, draughts, and boluses, which we could find no means of
sweetening; and with which, on that account, we have not attempted to
meddle. For these omissions we must request some little indulgence. Our
performance is confessedly imperfect, but be it remembered, that

  "Men rather do their broken weapons use,
  Than their bare hands."

The "Comic Latin Grammar" can, certainly, never be called an
_imposition_, as another Latin Grammar frequently is. We remember having
had the whole of it to learn at school, besides being-- no matter what--
for pinning a cracker to the master's coat-tail. The above hint is
worthy the attention of boys; nor will the following, probably, be
thrown away upon school-masters, particularly such as reside in the
north of England. "Laugh and grow fat," is an ancient and a true maxim.
Now, will not the "Comic Latin Grammar," (like Scotch marmalade and
Yarmouth bloaters) form a "desirable addition" to the breakfast of the
young gentlemen entrusted to their care? We dare not say much of its
superseding the use of the cane, as we hold all old established customs
in the utmost reverence and respect; and, besides, have no wish to
deprive any one of innocent amusement. We would only suggest, that
flagellation is now _sometimes_ necessary, and that whatever tends to
render it _optional_ may, now and then, save trouble.

One word in conclusion. The march of intellect is not confined to the
male sex; the fairer part of the creation are now augmenting by their
numbers, and adorning by their countenance, the scientific and literary
train. But the path of learning is sometimes too rugged for their tender
feet. We pretend not to strew it for them with roses; we are not
poetically given-- nay, we cannot even promise them a Brussels carpet;--
but if a plain Kidderminster will serve their turn, we here display one
for their accommodation, that thus smoothly and pleasantly they may make
their safe ascent to the temple of Minerva and the Muses.




  INTRODUCTION.


Very little introductory matter would probably be sufficient to place
the rising generation on terms of the most perfect familiarity with a
"Comic Latin Grammar." To the elder and middle-aged portion of the
community, however, the very notion of such a work may seem in the
highest degree preposterous; if not indicative of a degree of
presumptuous irreverence on the part of the author little short of
literary high treason, if not commensurate, in point of moral
delinquency, with the same crime as defined by the common law of
England. It is out of consideration for the praiseworthy, though perhaps
erroneous, feelings of such respectable personages, that we proceed to
make the following preliminary remarks; wherein it will be our object,
by demonstrating the necessity which exists for such a publication as
the present, to exonerate ourselves from all blame on the score of its
production.

When we consider the progress of civilization and refinement, we find
that all ages have in turn been characterized by some one distinctive
peculiarity or other. To say nothing of the Golden Age, the Silver Age,
the Iron Age, and so forth, which, with all possible respect for the
poets, can scarcely be said to be worth much in a grave argument; it is
quite clear that the Augustan Age, the Middle Ages, the Elizabethan Age,
and the Age of Queen Anne, were all of them very different, one from the
other, in regard to the peculiar tone of feeling which distinguished the
public mind in each of them. In like manner, the present (which will
hereafter probably be called the Victorian Age) is very unlike all that
have preceded it. It may be termed the Age of Comicality. Not but that
some traces of comic feeling, inherent as it is in the very nature of
man, have not at all times been more or less observable; but it is only
of late years that the ludicrous capabilities of the human mind have
expanded in their fullest vigour. Comicality has heretofore been evinced
only, as it were, in isolated sparks and flashes, instead of that full
blaze of meridian splendour which now pervades the entire mechanism of
society, and illuminates all the transactions of life. Thus in the
Golden Age, there was something very comical in human creatures eating
acorns, like pigs. The Augustan Age was comical enough, if we may trust
some of Horace's satires. Much comicality was displayed in the Middle
Ages, in the proceedings of the knights errant, the doings in Palestine,
and the mode adopted by the priests of inculcating religion on the minds
of the people. In the Elizabethan Age several comic incidents occurred
at court; particularly when any of the courtiers were guilty of personal
impertinence to their virgin queen. It must have been very comical to
see Shakspere holding stirrups like an ostler, or performing the part of
the Ghost, in his own play of Hamlet. The dress worn in Queen Anne's
time, and that of the first Georges, was very comical indeed-- but
enough of this. Our concern is with the present time-- the funniest
epoch, beyond all comparison, in the history of the world. Some few
years back, the minds of nations, convulsed with the great political
revolutions then taking place, were in a mood by no means apt to be
gratified by whimsicality and merriment. Furthermore, certain poets of
the lack-a-daisical school, such as Byron, Shelley, Goethe, and others,
writing in conformity with the prevailing taste of the day, threw a wet
blanket on the spirits of men, which all but extinguished the feeble
embers of mirth, upon which 'shocking events' had exercised so
pernicious an influence already: or, to change a vulgar for a scientific
metaphor, they placed such a pressure of sentimental atmosphere on the
common stock of laughing gas, as to convert it into a mere fluid, and
almost to solidify it altogether. It is now exhibiting the amazing
amount of expansive force, which under favourable circumstances it is
capable of exerting. Many causes have combined to bring about the happy
state of things under which we now live. Amongst these, the exertions of
individuals hold the first rank; of whom the veteran Liston, the late
lamented Mr. John Reeve, the facetious Keeley, and the inimitable
Buckstone, are deserving of our highest commendation. And more
especially is praise due to the talented author of the Pickwick Papers,
whose genius has convulsed the sides of thousands, has revolutionized
the republic of letters (making, no doubt, a great many _sovereigns_)
and has become, as it were, a mirror, which will reflect to all
posterity the laughter-loving spirit of his age.

But it is not (as we have before remarked) in literature alone, that the
tendency to the ludicrous is shewn. In many recent scientific
speculations it is strikingly and abundantly obvious-- some of those on
geology may be quoted as examples. The offspring of the sciences-- those
pledges of affection which they present to art, almost all of them, come
into the world with a caricature-like smirk upon their faces.
Air-balloons and rail-roads have something funny about them; and
photogenic drawings are, to say the least, very curious. The learned
professions are all tinged with drollery. The law is confessedly
ridiculous from beginning to end, and what is very strange, is that no
one should attempt to make it otherwise. Medicine is comical-- or rather
tragi-comical-- the disparity of opinion among its professors, the
chaotic state of its principles, and the conduct of its students being
considered. No one can deny that the distribution of church property is
somewhat _odd_, or can assert that the doings-- at least of those who
are destined for the clerical office, are now and then of rather a
strange character. Political meetings are very laughable things, when we
reflect upon the strong asseverations of patriotism there made and
believed. The wisdom of the legislature is by no means of the gravest
class, particularly when it offers municipal reforms as a substitute for
bread. The debates in a certain House must be of a very humourous
character, if we may judge from the frequent "hear hear, and a laugh,"
by which the proceedings there are interrupted. Our risible faculties
are continually called into action at public lectures of all kinds; and
indeed, no lecturer, however learned he may be, has much chance
now-a-days of instructing, unless he can also amuse his audience. Nor
can the various public and even private buildings, which are daily
springing up around us, like so many mushrooms, be contemplated without
considerable emotions of mirthfulness. The new style of ecclesiastical
architecture, entitled the Cockney-Gothic, affords a good illustration
of this remark; but the comic Temple of the Fine Arts, in Trafalgar
Square, is what Lord Bacon would have called a "glaring instance" of its
correctness. The occurrences of the day bear all of them the stamp of
facetiousness. The vote of approbation, lately passed on a certain
course of policy, is a capital joke; the tricks that are constantly
played off upon John Bull by the Russians, French, Yankees, and others,
though somewhat impertinent to the aforesaid John, must seem very
diverting to lookers on. The state of the Drama may also be brought
forward in proof of our position. Tragedies are at a discount; farces
are at a premium; lions, nay goats and monkeys, are pressed into the
service of Momus. Even the various institutions for the advancement of
morals have not escaped the influence of the prevailing taste. To
mention that respectable body of men, the Teetotallers, is sufficient of
itself to excite a smile. In short, look wherever you will, you will
find it a matter of the greatest difficulty to keep your countenance.

The truth is, that people are tired of crying, and find it much more
agreeable to laugh. The sublime is out of fashion; the ridiculous is in
vogue. A turn-up nose is now a more interesting object than a turn-down
collar; and if it should be urged that the flowing locks of our young
men are indicative of sentimentality by their _length_, let it be
remembered that they are in general quite unaccompanied by a
corresponding quality of face. It has been said that the schoolmaster is
abroad:-- true; but he is walking arm and arm with the Merry-Andrew; and
the members, presidents, and secretaries of mechanics' institutions, and
associations for the advancement of everything, follow in his train.
Nothing can be taught that is not palatable, and nothing is now
palatable but what is funny. That boys should be instructed in the Latin
language will be denied by few (although by some eccentric persons this
has been done); that they can be expected to learn what they cannot
laugh at will, to all reflecting minds, especially on perusing the
foregoing considerations, appear in the highest degree unreasonable. To
conclude:-- let all such as are disposed to stare at the title of our
work, ponder attentively on what we have said above; let them, in the
language of the farce, "put this and that together," and they will at
once perceive the beneficial effect, which holding up the Latin Grammar
to ridicule is likely to produce in the minds of youth. So much for the
satisfaction of our senior readers. And now, no longer to detain our
juvenile friends, let us proceed to business, or pleasure, or both:-- we
will not stand upon ceremony with respect to terms.

    [Illustration: THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD.]




  THE

  COMIC LATIN GRAMMAR.


Of Latin there are three kinds: Latin Proper, or good Latin; Dog Latin;
and Thieves' Latin, Latin Proper, or good Latin, is the language which
was spoken by the ancient Romans. Dog Latin is the Latin in which boys
compose their first verses and themes, and which is occasionally
employed at the Universities of Oxford and Cambridge, but much more
frequently at Edinburgh, Aberdeen, and Glasgow. It includes Medical
Latin, and Law Latin; though these, to the unlearned, generally appear
Greek. Mens tuus ego-- mind your eye; Illic vadis cum oculo tuo ex--
there you go with your eye out; Quomodo est mater tua?-- how's your
mother? Fiat haustus ter die capiendus-- let a draught be made, to be
taken three times a day; Bona et catalla-- goods and chattels-- are
examples.

Thieves' Latin, more commonly known by the name of slang, is much in use
among a certain class of _conveyancers_, who disregard the distinctions
of meum and tuum. Furthermore, it constitutes a great part of the
familiar discourse of most young men in modern times, particularly
lawyers' clerks and medical students. It bears a very close affinity to
Law Latin, with which, indeed, it is sometimes confounded. Examples:--
to prig a wipe-- to steal a handkerchief. A rum start-- a curious
occurrence. A plant-- an imposition. Flummoxed-- undone. Sold--
deceived. A heavy swell-- a great dandy. Quibus, tin, dibs, mopuses,
stumpy-- money. Grub, prog, tuck-- victuals. A stiff-'un-- a dead body--
properly, a subject. To be scragged-- to suffer the last penalty of the
law, &c.

    [Illustration: A HEAVY SWELL.]

All these kinds of Latin are to be taught in the Comic Latin Grammar.


    [Illustration: TOBY, THE LEARNED PIG.]

If Toby, the learned pig, had been desired to say his alphabet in Latin,
he would have done it by taking away the W from the English alphabet.
Indeed, this is what he is said to have actually done. The Latin
letters, therefore, remind us of the greatest age that a fashionable
lady ever confesses she has attained to,-- being between twenty and
thirty.

Six of these letters are called what Dutchmen, speaking English, call
fowls-- vowels; namely, a, e, i, o, u, y.

A vowel is like an AEolian harp; it makes a full and perfect sound of
itself. A consonant cannot sound without a vowel, any more than a horn
(except such an one as Baron Munchausen's) can play a tune without a
performer.

Consonants are divided into mutes, liquids and double letters; although
they have nothing in particular to do with funerals, hydrostatics, or
the General post office. The liquids are, l, m, n, r; the double
letters, j, x, z; the other letters are mutes.

  "Hye dum, dye dum, fiddle _dumb_--c." --STERNE.

A syllable is a distinct sound of one or more letters pronounced in a
breath, or, as we say in the classics, in a jiffey.

A diphthong is the sound of two vowels in one syllable. Taken
collectively they resemble a closed fist-- i.e. a bunch of _fives_. The
diphthongs are au, eu, ei, ae, and [oe]. Of the two first of these, au and
eu, the sound is _intermediate_ between that of the two vowels of which
each is formed. This fact may perhaps be impressed upon the mind, on the
principles of artificial memory, by a reference to a familiar beverage,
known by the name of half-and-half. In like manner, ei, which is
generally pronounced i, and ae and [oe], sounded like e, may be said to
exhibit something like an analogy to a married couple. The human
diphthong, Smith female + Brown male, is called Brown only.

    [Illustration: A HUMAN DIPHTHONG.]

The reason, says the fool in King Lear, why the seven stars are no more
than seven-- is a pretty reason-- because they are not eight. This is a
fool's reason; but we (like many other commentators) cannot give a
better one, why the Parts of Speech are no more than eight-- because
they are not nine. They are as follow:

1. Noun, Pronoun, Verb, Participle-- declined.

2. Adverb, Preposition, Conjunction, Interjection-- undeclined. Most
schoolboys would like to decline them altogether.


+OF A NOUN.+

A noun is a name,-- whether it be a Christian name, or a sur-name-- the
name of a prince, a pig, a pancake, or a post. Whatever is-- is a noun.

Nouns are divided into substantives and adjectives.

A noun substantive is its own trumpeter, and speaks for itself without
assistance from any other word-- brassica, a cabbage; sartor, a tailor;
medicus, a physician; vetula, an old woman; venenum, poison; are
examples of substantives.

An adjective is like an infant in leading strings-- it cannot go alone.
It always requires to be joined to a substantive, of which it shows the
nature or quality-- as lectio longa, a long lesson; magnus aper, a great
_boar_; pinguis puer, a fat boy; macer puer, a lean boy. In making love
(as you will find one of these days) or in abusing a cab-man, your
success will depend in no small degree in your choice of adjectives.

    [Illustration: MACER PUER.]

    [Illustration: PINGUIS PUER.]


+NUMBERS OF NOUNS.+

Be not alarmed, boys, at the above heading. There are numbers of nouns,
it is true, that is to say, lots; or, as we say in the schools,
"a precious sight" of nouns in the dictionary; but we are not now going
to enumerate, and make you learn them. The numbers of nouns here spoken
of are two only; the singular and the plural.

The singular speaks but of one-- as later, a brick; faba, a bean; tuba,
a trump (or trumpet); flamma, a blaze; aethiops, a <DW65> (or <DW64>);
cornix, a crow.

The plural speaks of more than one-- as lateres, bricks; fabae, beans;
tubae, trumps; flammae, blazes; aethiopes, <DW65>s; cornices, crows.

Here it may be remarked that the cynic philosophers were very _singular_
fellows.

Also that prize-poems are sometimes composed in very _singular numbers_.


+CASES OF NOUNS.+

Nouns have six cases in each number, (that is, six of one and half a
dozen of the other) but can only be put in one of them at a time. They
are thus ticketed-- nominative, genitive, dative, accusative, vocative,
and ablative.

The nominative case comes before the verb, as the horse does before the
cart, the "lieutenant before the ancient," and the superintendant of
police before the inspector. It answers to the question, who or what;
as, Who jaws? magister jurgatur, the master jaws.

The genitive case is known by the sign of, and answers to the question,
whose, or whereof; as, Whose breeches? Femoralia magistri-- the breeches
of the master, or the master's breeches.

The dative case is known by the signs to or for, and answers to the
question, to whom, or to or for what; as, To whom do I hold out my
hands? Protendo manus magistro-- I hold out my hands to the master.

In this place we are called upon to consider, whether it be more
agreeable to have Latin or the ferula at our _fingers' ends_.

Observe that _dative_ means _giving_. Schoolmasters are very often in
the dative case-- but their generosity is chiefly exercised in bestowing
what is termed monkey's allowance; that is, if not more kicks, more
boxes on the ear, more spats, more canings, birchings, and impositions,
than halfpence.

    [Plate:
    A DATIVE AND A VOCATIVE CASE.]

The accusative case follows the verb, as a bailiff follows a debtor,
a bull-dog a butcher, or a round of applause a supernatural squall at
the Italian Opera. It answers to the question Whom? or What? as, Whom do
you laugh at? (behind his back) Derideo magistrum-- I laugh at the
master.

The vocative case is known by calling, or speaking to; as, O magister--
O master; an exclamation which is frequently the consequence of shirking
out, making false concords or quantities, obstreperous conduct in
school, &c.

The ablative case is known by certain prepositions, expressed or
understood; as Deprensus magistro-- caught out by the master. Coram
_rostro_-- before the _beak_. The prepositions, in, with, from, by, and
the word, than, after the comparative degree, are signs of the ablative
case. In angustia-- in a fix. Cum indigena-- with a native. Ab arbore--
from a tree. A rictu-- by a grin. Adipe lubricior-- slicker than grease.


+GENDERS AND ARTICLES.+

The genders of nouns, which are three, the masculine, the feminine, and
the neuter, are denoted in Latin by articles. We have articles, also, in
English, which distinguish the masculine from the feminine, but they are
articles of dress; such as petticoats and breeches, mantillas and
mackintoshes. But as there are many things in Latin, called masculine
and feminine, which are nevertheless not male and female, the articles
attached to them are not parts of dress, but parts of speech.

    [Illustration: MASC. FEM.]

We will now, with our readers' permission, initiate them into a new mode
of declining the article hic, haec, hoc. And we take this opportunity of
protesting against the old and short-sighted system of teaching a boy
only one thing at a time, which originated, no doubt, from the general
ignorance of everything but the dead languages which prevailed in the
monkish ages. We propose to make declensions, conjugations, &c.,
a vehicle for imparting something more than the mere dry facts of the
immediate subject. And if we can occasionally inculcate an original
remark, a scientific principle, or a moral aphorism, we shall, of
course, think ourselves sufficiently rewarded by the consciousness-- et
caetera, et caetera, et caetera.

  Masc. hic.  Fem. haec.  Neut. hoc, &c.

  The nominative singular's hic, haec, and hoc,--
  Which to learn, has cost school boys full many a knock;
  The genitive 's hujus, the dative makes huic,
  (A fact Mr. Squeers never mentioned to Smike);
  Then hunc, hanc, and hoc, the accusative makes,
  The vocative-- caret-- no very great shakes;
  The ablative case maketh hoc, hac, and hoc,
  A cock is a fowl-- but a fowl 's not a cock.
  The nominative plural is hi, hae, and haec,
  The Roman young ladies were dressed a la Grecque;
  The genitive case horum, harum, and horum,
  Silenus and Bacchus were fond of a jorum;
  The dative in all the three genders is his,
  At Actium his tip did Mark Antony miss:
  The accusative 's hos, has, and haec in all grammars,
  Herodotus told some American crammers;
  The vocative here also-- caret-- 's no go,
  As Milo found rending an oak-tree, you know;
  And his, like the dative the ablative case is,
  The Furies had most disagreeable faces.

Nouns declined with two articles, are called common. This word common
requires explanation-- it is not used in the same sense as that in which
we say, that quackery is common in medicine, knavery in the law, and
humbug everywhere-- pigeons at Crockford's, lame ducks at the Stock
Exchange, Jews at the ditto, and Royal ditto, and foreigners in
Leicester Square-- No; a common noun is one that is both masculine and
feminine; in one sense of the word therefore it is _uncommon_. Parens,
a parent, which may be declined both with hic, and haec, is, for obvious
reasons, a noun of this class; and so is fur, a thief; likewise miles,
a soldier, which will appear strange to those of our readers, who do not
call to mind the existence of the ancient amazons; the dashing white
sergeant being the only female soldier known in modern times. Nor have
we more than one authenticated instance of a female sailor, if we except
the heroine commemorated in the somewhat apocryphal narrative-- Billy
Taylor.

Nouns are called doubtful when declined with the article hic or haec--
whichever you please, as the showman said of the Duke of Wellington and
Napoleon Bonaparte. Anguis, a snake, is a doubtful noun. At all events
he is a doubtful customer.

    [Illustration]

Epicene nouns are those which, though declined with one article only,
represent both sexes, as hic passer, a sparrow, haec aquila, an eagle,--
cock and hen. A sparrow, however, to say nothing of an eagle, must
appear a doubtful noun with regard to gender, to a cockney sportsman.

After all, there is no rule in the Latin language about gender so
comprehensive as that observed in Hampshire, where they call every thing
_he_ but a tom-cat, and that _she_.


+DECLENSION OF NOUNS SUBSTANTIVE.+

There are five declensions of substantives. As a pig is known by his
tail, so are declensions of substantives distinguished by the ending of
the genitive case. Our fear of outraging the comic feelings of humanity,
prevents us from saying quite so much about them as our love of learning
would otherwise induce us to do. We therefore refer the student to that
clever little book, the Eton Latin Grammar, strongly recommending him to
decline the following substantives, by way of an exercise, after the
manner of the examples there set down. First declension, Genitivo ae.
Virga, a rod. --Second, i. Puer, a boy. Stultus, a fool. Tergum, a back.
--Third, is. Vulpes, a fox. Procurator, an attorney. Cliens, a client.
--Fourth, us-- here you may have, Risus, a laugh at. --Fifth, ei.
Effigies, an effigy, image, or Guy.

The substantive face, facies, _makes faces_, facies, in the plural.

Although we are precluded from going through the whole of the
declensions, we cannot refrain from proposing "for the use of schools,"
a model upon which all substantives may be declined in a mode somewhat
more agreeable, if not more instructive, than that heretofore adopted.

  _Exempli Gratia._

    Musa mus_ae_,
  The Gods were at tea,
    Musae mus_am_.
  Eating raspberry jam,
    Musa mus_a_,
  Made by Cupid's mamma,
    Musae mus_arum_,
  Thou "Diva Dearum."
    Musis mus_as_,
  Said Jove to his lass,
    Musae mus_is_.
  Can ambrosia beat this?


+DECLENSIONS OF NOUNS ADJECTIVE.+

Some nouns adjective are declined with three terminations-- as a pacha
of three tails would be, if he were to make a proposal to an English
heiress-- as bonus, _good_-- tener, _tender_. Sweet epithets! how
forcibly they remind us of young Love and a leg of mutton.

  Bonus, bona, bonum,
  Thou little lambkin dumb,
  Boni, bonae, boni,
  For those sweet chops I sigh,
  Bono, bonae, bono,
  Have pity on my woe,
  Bonum, bonam, bonum,
  Thou speak'st though thou art mum,
  Bone, bona, bonum,
  "O come and eat me, come,"
  Bono, bonae, bono,
  The butcher lays thee low,
  Boni, bonae, bona,
  Those chops are a picture,-- ah!
  Bonorum, bonarum, bonorum,
  To put lots of Tomata sauce o'er 'em
  Bonis-- Don't, miss,
  Bonos, bonas, bona,
  Thou art sweeter than thy mamma,
  Boni, bonae, bona,
  And fatter than thy papa.
  Bonis,-- What bliss!

In like manner decline tener, tenera, tenerum.

Unus, one; solus, alone; totus, the whole; nullus, none; alter, the
other; uter, whether of the two-- make the genitive case singular in
_ius_ and the dative in i.

RIDDLES.

_Q._ In what case will a grain of barley joined to an adjective stand
for the name of an animal?

_A._ In the dative case of unus-- uni-corn.

  _Uni_ nimirum tibi recte semper erunt res.

    _Hor. Sat. lib. ii._ 2. 106.

_Q._ Why is the above verse like all nature?

_A._ Because it is an _uni_-verse.

The word alius, another, is declined like the above-named adjectives,
except that it makes ali_ud_, not ali_um_, in the neuter singular.

The difference of unus from alius, say the London commentators, like
that of a humming-top from a peg-top, consists of the _'um_.

N.B. Tu es unus alius, is not good Latin for "You're another," a phrase
more elegantly expressed by "Tu quoque."

    [Illustration: TU QUOQUE.]

There are some adjectives that remind us of lawyer's clerks, and, by
courtesy, of linen-drapers' apprentices. These may be termed _articled_
adjectives; being declined with the articles hic, haec, hoc, after the
third declension of substantives-- as tristis, sad, melior, better,
felix, happy.

It is not very easy to conceive any thing in which sadness and
comicality are united, except Tristis Amator, a sad lover.

    [Illustration: TRISTIS AMATOR.]

Melior is not _better_ for comic purposes. Felix affords no room for a
_happy_ joke.

Decline these three adjectives, and others of the same class, according
to the following rules:

  If the nominative endeth in _is_ or _er_, why, sir,
  The ablative singular endeth in _i_, sir;
  The first, fourth, and fifth case, their neuter make _e_,
  But the same in the plural in _ia_ must be.
  _E_, or _i_, are the ablative's ends,-- mark my song,
  While _or_ to the nominative case doth belong;
  For the neuter aforesaid we settle it thus:
  The plural is _ora_; the singular _us_.
  If than _is_, _er_, and _or_, it hath many more enders,
  The nominative serves to express the three genders;
  But the plural for _ia_ hath _icia_ and _itia_,
  As Felix, felicia-- Dives, divitia.


+COMPARISONS OF ADJECTIVES.+

Comparisons are odious--

Adjectives have three degrees of comparison. This is perhaps the reason
why they are so disagreeable to learn.

The first degree of comparison is the positive, which denotes the
quality of a thing absolutely. Thus, the Eton Latin Grammar is lepidus,
funny.

The second is the comparative, which increases or lessens the quality,
formed by adding _or_ to the first case of the positive ending in _i_.
Thus the Charter House Grammar, is lepidor-- funnier, or more funny.
--The third is the superlative, which increases or diminishes the
signification to the greatest degree, formed from the same case by
adding thereto, _ssimus_. Thus the Comic Latin Grammar is lepidissimus,
funniest, or most funny. A Londoner is acutus, sharp, or 'cute,--
a Yorkshireman acutior, sharper, or more sharp, 'cuter or more 'cute--
but a Yankee is acutissimus-- sharpest, or most sharp, 'cutest or most
'cute, or tarnation 'cute.

Enumerate, in the manner following, with substantives, the exceptions to
this rule, mentioned in the Eton Grammar.

  Bonus, good.
  A plain pudding.

    Melior, better.
    A suet pudding.

      Optimus, best.
      A plum pudding.

  Malus, bad.
  A caning.

    Pejor, worse.
    A spatting.

      Pessimus, worst.
      A flogging.
                    &c. &c.

Adjectives ending in _er_, form the superlative in _errimus_. The taste
of vinegar is acer, sour; that of verjuice acrior, more sour; the visage
of a tee-totaller, acerrimus, sourest, or most sour.

Agilis, docilis, gracilis, facilis, humilis, similis, change _is_ into
_llimus_, in the superlative degree.

  Agilis, nimble.-- Madlle. Taglioni.
  Agilior, more nimble.-- Jim Crow.
  Agillimus, most nimble.-- Mr. Wieland.

  Docilis, docile.-- Learned Pig.
  Docilior, more docile.-- Ourang-outang.
  Docillimus, most docile.-- Man Friday.

  Gracilis, slender.-- A whipping post.
  Gracilior, more slender.-- A fashionable waist.
  Gracillimus, most slender.-- A dustman's leg.
      &c. &c.

If a vowel comes before _us_ in the nominative case of an adjective, the
comparison is made by magis, _more_, and maxime, _most_.

  Pius, pious.-- Dr. Cantwell.
  Magis pius, more pious.-- Mr. Maw-worm.
  Maxime pius, most pious.-- Mr. Stiggins.

Sancho Panza called Don Quixote, Quixottissimus. This was not good
Latin, but it evinced a knowledge on Sancho's part, of the nature of the
superlative degree.


+OF A PRONOUN.+

A pronoun is a substitute, or (as we once heard a lady of the Malaprop
family say), a _subterfuge_ for a noun.

There are fifteen Pronouns.

  Ego, tu, ille,
  I, thou, and Billy,
  Is, sui, ipse,
  Got very tipsy.
  Iste, hic, meus,
  The governor did not see us.
  Tuus, suus, noster,
  We knock'd down a coster-
  Vester, noster, vestras.
  monger for daring to pester us.

To these may be added, egomet, I myself; tute, thou thyself, idem the
same, qui, who or what, and cujas, of what country.


+DECLENSION OF PRONOUNS.+

Pronouns concern _ourselves_ so much, that we cannot altogether pass
over them; though a hint or two with regard to the mode of learning
their declension is all that we can here afford to give. We are
constrained now and then to leave out a good deal of valuable matter,
for the reason that induced the Dublin manager to omit the part of
Hamlet in the play of that name-- the length of the performance.

Pronouns may be thus agreeably declined:

  Ego, mei, mihi,
  Hoist the frog up sky-high.
  Tu, tui, tibi,
  In Chancery they fib ye.
  Ille, illa, illud,
  Cows chew the cud.
  Is, ea, id,
  Always do as you're bid.
  Qui, quae, quod,
  Or else you'll taste the rod.

Every donkey can decline is, ea, id. We heard one the other day on
Hampstead Heath, repeat distinctly

  E--o! e--a! e--o!

    [Illustration: THE FIRST LESSON IN LATIN.]

When you decline quis quae _quid_, beware of any temptation to indulge in
dirty habits. _Es_chew pig-tail instead of chewing it. Never have any
_quid_ in your mouth, but a quid pro quo.


+OF A VERB.+

A verb is the chief word in every _sentence_, as _Suspendatur_ per
collum, let him be hanged by the neck.

It expresses the action or being of a thing. Ego _sum_ sapiens, I am a
wise man. Tu _es_ stultus, thou art a fool. Non hic amice, _pernoctas_,
you don't lodge here, Mr. Ferguson.

Verbs have two voices, like the gentleman who was singing, a short time
since, at the St. James's Theatre.

The active ending in _o_-- as amo, I love.

The passive ending in _or_-- as amor, I am loved.

In these two words is contained the terrestrial summum bonum-- In short,
love beats everything-- cock-fighting not excepted. Amo! amor! How happy
every human being, from the peer to the pot-boy, from the duchess to the
dairy-maid, would be to be able to say so.

They would _conjugate_ immediately. Except, however, certain modern
political economists of the Malthusian school, who, albeit they are
great advocates for the diffusion of learning, are violently opposed to
unlimited conjugations.

Of verbs ending in _o_ some are actives transitive. A verb is called
transitive when the action passes on to the following noun, as Seco
baculum meum, I cut my stick.

Numerous examples of this kind of cutting, which may be called a _comic
section_, are recorded in history, both ancient and modern. Even Hector
cut his stick (with Achilles after him) at the siege of Troy. The
Persians cut their stick at Marathon. Pompey cut his stick at Pharsalia,
and so did Antony at Actium. Napoleon Bonaparte cut his stick at
Waterloo.

Other verbs ending in _o_ are named neuters and intransitives. A verb is
called intransitive, or neuter, when the action does not pass on, or
require a following noun, as curro, I run. Pistol cucurrit, Pistol ran.
But to say, "Falstaff voluit _currere eum per_," "Falstaff wished _to
run him through_," would be making a neuter verb, a verb active, and
would therefore be Latin of the canine species, or Dog-Latin; so would
Meus <DW25> Gulielmus _cucurrit caput suum_ plenum sed contra te <DW25> dic
pax, My man William _ran his head_ full but against the mantel-piece.
This, it is obvious, will not do after Cicero.

Verbs transitive ending in _o_ become passive by changing _o_ into _or_,
as Secor, I am cut. Caesar was cut by his friend Brutus in the capitol.
"This," as Antony very judiciously observed on the hustings, "was the
most unkindest _cut_ of all,"-- much worse, indeed, than any of the
similar operations which are daily performed in Regent Street.

    [Illustration: BRUTUS AND CAESAR.]

Verbs neuter and intransitive are never made passive. We may say, Crepo,
I crack, but we cannot say, Crepor, I am cracked.

The ancient heroes appear, from what Homer says, to have got into a way
of _cracking_ away most tremendously when they were going to engage in
single combat.

Orestes was certainly _cracked_.

Some verbs ending in _or_ have an active signification-- as Loquor,
I speak.

_Q._ Why are such verbs like witnesses on oath?

_A._ Because they are called "Deponents."

Of these some few are neuters, as Glorior, I boast.

Caesar boasted that he came, saw, and overcame. Bald-headed people (like
Caesar) do not, in general, make _conquests_ so easily.

Neuter Verbs ending in _or_, and verbs deponent, are declined like verbs
passive; but with gerunds and supines like verbs active; thus presenting
a curious combination of _activity_ and _supineness_.

There are some verbs which are called verbs personal. A verb personal
resembles a mixed group of old maids and young maids, because it has
_different persons_, as Ego irrideo, I quiz. Tu irrides, thou quizzest.

A verb impersonal is like a collection of tombstone angels, or small
children; it has not _different persons_, as taedet, it irketh, oportet,
it behoveth.

It irketh to learn Greek and Latin, nevertheless it behoveth to do so.


+OF MOODS.+

Moods in verbs are like moods in man, they have each of them a peculiar
_expression_. Here, however, the resemblance stops. Man has many moods,
verbs have but five. For instance, we observe in men the merry mood, the
doleful mood, (or dumps), the shy, timid, or sheepish mood, the bold, or
_bumptious_ mood, the placid mood, the angry mood, whereto may be added
the vindictive mood, and the sulky mood; the sober mood, as
contradistinguished from both the serious and the drunken mood; or as
blended with the latter, in which case it may be called the sober-drunk
mood-- the contented mood, the grumbling mood; the sympathetic mood, the
sarcastic mood, the idle mood, the working mood, the communicative mood,
the secretive mood, and the moods of all the phrenological organs;
besides the monitory or mentorial mood, and the mendacious, or lying
mood, with the imaginative, poetical, or romantic mood, the
compassionate, or melting mood, and many other moods too tedious to
mention.

We must not however omit the flirting mood, the teazing or tantalizing
mood, the giggling mood, the magging or talkative mood, and the
scandalizing mood, which are peculiarly observable in the fair sex.

The moods of verbs are the following:

1. The indicative mood, which either affirms a fact or asks a question,
as Ego amo, I _do_ love. Amas tu? _Dost_ thou love?

The long and short of all courtships are contained in these two
examples.

    [Illustration: A LONG COURTSHIP.]

2. The imperative mood, which commandeth, or entreateth. This two-fold
character of the imperative mood is often exemplified in schools, the
command being on the part of the master, and the entreaty on that of the
boy-- as thus, Veni huc! Come hither! Parce mihi! Spare me! The
imperative mood is also known by the sign _let_-- as in the well-known
verse in the song Dulce Domum--

  "Eja! nunc eamus."

"Hurrah! now let us be off"-- meaning for the vacation. N.B. This mood
is one much in the mouth of beadles, boatswains, bashaws, majors,
magistrates, slave drivers, superintendents, serjeants, and
jacks-in-office of all descriptions-- monitors, especially, and praefects
of public schools, are very fond of using it on all occasions.

    [Illustration: THE IMPERATIVE MOOD.]

3. The potential mood signifies power or duty. The signs by which it is
known are, may, can, might, would, could, should, or ought-- as, Amem,
I may love (when I leave school). Amavissem, I should have loved (if I
had not known better,) and the like.

4. The subjunctive differs from the potential only in being always
governed by some conjunction or indefinite word, and in being subjoined
to some other verb going before it in the same sentence-- as Cochleare
eram cum amarem, I was a _spoon_ when I loved-- Nescio qualis sim hoc
ipso tempore, I don't know what sort of a person I am at this very time.

The propriety of the above expression "cochleare," will be explained in
a Comic System of Rhetoric, which perhaps may appear hereafter.

5. The infinitive mood is like a gentleman's cab, because it has no
number.

We have not made up our minds exactly, whether to compare it to the
"picture of nobody" mentioned in the Tempest, or to the "picture of
ugliness," which young ladies generally call their successful rivals. It
may be like one, or the other, or both, because it has no _person_.

Neither has it a nominative case before it; nor, indeed, has it any more
business with one than a toad has with a side pocket.

It is commonly known by the sign _to_. As, for example-- Amare, to love;
Desipere, to be a fool; Nubere, to marry; P[oe]nitere, to repent.


+OF GERUNDS AND SUPINES.+

Ever anxious to encourage the expansion of youthful minds, by as general
a cultivation as possible of the various faculties, we beg to invite
attention to the following combination of Grammar, Poetry, and Music.

  _Air._-- Believe me if all those endearing young charms. --_Moore._

  The gerunds of verbs end in di, do, and dum,
    But the supines of verbs are but two;
  For instance, the active, which endeth in _um_,
    And the passive which endeth in _u_.

  Amandi, of loving, kind reader, beware;
    Amando, in loving, be brief;
  Amandum, to love, if you 're doom'd, have a care,
    In the goblet to drown all your grief.

  Amatum, Amatu, to love and be loved,
    Should it be your felicitous (?) lot,
  May the fuel so needful be never removed
    Which serves to keep boiling the pot.


+OF TENSES.+

In verbs there are five tenses, or times, expressing an action, or
affirmation.

1. The present tense, or time. There is no time (or tense) like the
present. It expresses an action now taking place. Examples-- _Act._ I
love, or am loving. Amo, I am loving. --_Pass._ I am made drunk, or am
drunk. Inebrior, I am drunk.

2. The preterimperfect tense denotes something, or a state of things,
partly, but not entirely past. --Examp. I did love or was loving.
Amabam, I was loving. I was made drunk an hour ago. Inebriabar, I was
made drunk.

3. The preterperfect tense expresses a thing lately done, but now ended.
--Examp. I have loved, or I loved. Amavi, I loved. I have been made
drunk, or have been drunk. Inebriatus sum, I have been drunk.

4. The preterpluperfect tense refers to a thing done at some time past,
but now ended. --Examp. Amaveram, I had loved. Inebriatus eram, I had
been drunk.

5. The future tense relates to a thing to be done hereafter, as, Amabo,
I shall or will love. Inebriabor, I shall get drunk-- say to-morrow.


+OF NUMBERS AND PERSONS.+

Verbs have two numbers. No. 1, Singular, No. 2, Plural.

In most matters it is usual to pay exclusive attention to number one. In
learning the verbs, however, it is necessary to regard equally number
two.-- The _persons_ of verbs are generally considered very
disagreeable. Verbs have three persons in each number. Thus, for
instance, at a dancing academy--

  Sing.
  Ego salto,     I dance,
  Tu saltas,     Thou dancest,
  Ille saltat,   He danceth.

  Plur.
  Nos saltamus,  We dance,
  Vos saltatis,  Ye dance,
  Illi saltant,  They dance.

At an academy on _Free-knowledge-ical_ principles-- or a Comic Academy.

  Ego rideo,    I laugh,
  Tu rides,     Thou laughest,
  Ille ridet,   He laugheth.

  Nos ridemus,  We laugh,
  Vos ridetis.  Ye laugh,
  Illi rident,  They laugh.

Laughter, too, is very common at other academies, but generally occurs
on the wrong side of the mouth. The right sort of laughter (which may be
presumed to be on the _right_ side of the mouth), is most frequent about
the time of the holidays. What does the song say?

  "Ridet annus, prata rident
    Nosque rideamus."

  "The year laughs, the meadows laugh,--
  suppose we have a laugh as well."

_Note_-- That all nouns are of the third person except Ego, Nos, Tu, and
Vos. Hence we see how absurdly the man who drew a couple of donkeys
acted in endeavouring to prevail upon _us_ to call the picture "_We_
Three"-- _Ille_, _he_,-- may, perhaps, have been qualified to make a
_third person_ in the group, and have "written himself down an ass" with
some correctness. _Ego_, _I_, and _Nos_, _we_, have certainly nothing in
common with that animal, and it is to be hoped that neither Tu, thou,
nor Vos, ye, can be said to partake of his nature.

_Note_ also. That all nouns of the vocative case are of the second
person. So that if we should say, O asine, O thou donkey; or O asini,
O ye donkeys, we should have grammar at least on our side.

Be it your care to prevent us from having justice also.


  OF THE VERB ESSE, TO BE.

Before other verbs are declined, it is necessary to learn the verb Esse,
to be. And before we teach the verb Esse, to be, it is necessary to make
a few remarks on verbs in general.

In the first place we have to observe, that they are rather difficult;
and in the next, that if any one expects that we are going to consider
them in detail, he is very much mistaken.

But our skipping a very considerable portion of the verbs, is no reason
why boys should do the same. Were we all to follow the examples of our
teachers, instead of attending to their precepts, where would be the
world by this time?

Whirling away, no doubt, far from the respectable society of the
neighbouring planets, and blundering about right and left, pell-mell,
helter-skelter among the fixed stars-- itself, "and all which it
inherit" in that glorious state of confusion so admirably described by
the poet Ovid--

  "Quem dixere Chaos,"

which men have called Shaos. It would indeed be little better than a
broken down _Shay_-horse.

But "revenons a nos moutons," that is, let us get back to our verbs. We
recommend the most attentive and diligent study of all of them as set
forth in the Eton Grammar, assisted by that kind of association of
ideas, of which we shall now proceed to give a few specimens.


Sum, es, fui, esse, futurus, to be,-- or not to be-- that is the
question.

_Rule_ 1. To each person of a verb, singular and plural, join a noun,
according to your taste or comic talent. Should you be deficient in the
inventive faculty, apply for assistance to one of the senior boys,
which, in consideration of your fagging for him, he will readily give
you. If yourself a senior boy, apply to the master.

  _Examples._

  INDICATIVE MOOD.

  Present Tense.  Am.

  _Sing._
  Sum,  I am,      Vir,      a man,
  Es,   Thou art,  Stultus,  a fool,
  Est,  He is,     Latro,    a thief.

  _Plu._
  Sumus,  We are,    Patricii,  gentlemen,
  Estis,  Ye are,    Plebeii,   snobs,
  Sunt,   They are,  Errones,   vagabonds.

We would proceed in this way with Sum, but that we are afraid of being
tire-_sum_.

  VERBS REGULAR.

  First Conjugation.  Amo.

  _Sing._
  Amo,   I love,       Puellam,          a lass,
  Amas,  Thou lovest,  Fartum,           a pudding,
  Amat,  He loveth,    Carnem porcinam,  pork.

  _Plu._
  Amamus,  We love,    Doctrinam,  learning,
  Amatis,  Ye love,    Leporem,    comicality,
  Amant,   They love,  Poesin,     poetry.

The consideration of which three things leads us to

_Rule_ 2. In repeating the different tenses of verbs, be careful to be
provided with a short English verse, contrived so as to rhyme with the
third person singular, and another to rhyme with the third person
plural. In this way your powers of composition as well as of memory will
be profitably exercised.

  _Example._

  Second Conjugation.  Moneo.

  _Sing._  Moneo, mones, monet,
    Reid & Co.'s _heavy wet_.

  _Plu._ Monemus, monetis, monent,
    Beats that from the firmament.

  Third Conjugation.  Rego.

  _Sing._ Rego, regis, regit,
    A statesman for office unfit.

  _Plu._ Regimus, regitis, re_gunt_,
    Is much like a bear in a punt.

_Rule_ 3. Should you be desired to give the English of each person in
the tense which you are repeating, you may (we mean a class of you),
follow a plan adopted with great success and striking effect in that
kind of dramatic representation entitled "A Grand Opera," that of
_singing_ what you have to _say_. Hold up your head, turn out your toes,
clear your voices, and begin. A-hem!

    [Plate:
    GOING THROUGH THE VERBS.
    AUDIO--I HEAR.]

  Fourth Conjugation.  Audio.

  _Trio._

  _Sing._ Audio, I hear the Tartar drum!
    Audis, Thou hearest the Tartar drum!
    Audit, He hears the Tartar drum!--
      the Tartar drum! the Tartar drum!

  _Chorus._ He hears!
    He hears!

  He h - - e - - - a - - rs the Tar - tar drum!
  _Plu._ Audimus, We hear the Tartar drum, &c.


  VERBS IRREGULAR--

Are _regular_ bores. The above Rules are equally applicable to them, and
also to the


  DEFECTIVE VERBS;

Concerning which it may be asserted, that though almost all of them have
tenses more or less imperfect, there are some which have not a single
_Imperfect Tense_.


  IMPERSONAL VERBS.

Such as delectat, it delighteth; decet, it becometh, &c., answer to such
English verbs as take the word _it_ before them. When we consider that
_it_ is a term of endearment used in speaking to babies, as "it's a
pretty dear," we cannot help thinking that Verbs Impersonal ought to be
_pet_ verbs. Such however, is not, as far as we know, the fact.

    [Illustration: PRETTY DEAR.]


+OF A PARTICIPLE.+

A participle is a hybrid part of speech; a kind of mongrel-cross,
between a noun and a verb. It is two parts verbs, and four parts noun;
wherefore its composition may be likened unto the milk sold in and about
London, which is usually watered in the proportion of four to two. The
properties of the noun belonging to it, are, number, gender, case, and
declension; those of the verb, tense, and signification.

As a horse hath four legs, so hath a verb four participles.

  _Air._-- Bonnets of Blue.

  There 's one of the present,-- and then,
    There 's one of the future in _rus_;
  Of the tense preterperfect a third,-- and again,
    A fourth of the future in _dus_.

Participles are declined like nouns adjective, as-- but no! how can we
ask our fair (blue) readers to decline _a-man's_ (amans) loving.

Now here we feel called upon to say a few words on the difference
between a man's loving and a woman's loving. It has often been a
question, whether do men or women love most _dearly_? To us the matter
does not appear to admit of a doubt. We defy any of our male readers to
be in love (when they are old and silly enough) for six months without
finding themselves most grievously out of pocket. We have a friend who
was in that unfortunate condition for about a month, and it cost him at
least seven and sixpence a week in fees to the maid servant, and that
without once being enabled to exchange a word with the object of his
affections. At last he began to think that he was paying rather too dear
for his whistle; so he gave it up. What girl would have held on so long,
and laid out so much money without a return-- not of soft affection, but
of hard cash? Women, indeed, instead of loving dearly, love, according
to our own experience, particularly cheaply. Think of what they save, by
taking their admirers "shopping" with them, in ribands, bracelets, and
the like, to say nothing of coach-hire, pastry-cooks, and the price of
admission, when they go with them to the play. And we should like to
hear of the young lady who in these days would dispose of her hand at
any thing less than a good round sum if she could help it-- no, no. To
love _dearly_ is the precious prerogative of the lords of the creation
alone.

But we are forgetting our participles.

The participle of the present tense ends in _ans_, or _ens_; as
Flagellans, whipping; Laedens, hurting.

That of the future in _rus_, signifies a likelihood, or design of doing
something, as Flagellaturus, about to whip; Laesurus, about to hurt.

That of the preterperfect tense has generally a passive signification,
and ends in _us_, as Flagellatus, whipped; Laesus, hurt.

That of the future in _dus_ has also a passive signification, as
Flagellandus, to be whipped; Laedendus, to be hurt.

_Note_ 1. All participles are declined like nouns adjective. We
recommend the above participles to be declined like _winking_.

2. There are three things that are not hurt by whipping-- a top,
a syllabub, and a cream.


+OF AN ADVERB.+

Convex and concave spectacles are contrivances used to increase or
diminish the magnitude of objects.

Adverbs are parts of speech used to increase or diminish the
signification of words.

Spectacles are joined to the bridge of the nose.

Adverbs are joined to nouns adjective, and verbs. Bene, well; multum,
much; male, ill, &c. are adverbs.

  Caesar _multum_ conturbavit indigenas:

  Caesar much astonished the natives.

    [Illustration: CAESAR ASTONISHING THE NATIVES.]


+OF A CONJUNCTION.+

A conjunction is a part of speech that joineth together; wherefore it
may be likened unto many things; for instance--

To glue, to paste, to gum arabic, to mortar, (for it joins words and
sentences together _like bricks_), to Roman cement, (_Latin_
conjunctions more especially), to white of egg, to isinglass, to putty,
to adhesive plaster, to matrimony.

Conjunctions are thus used.

Ova _et_ lardum, eggs and bacon. Dimidium dimidium_que_, half-and-half.
Amor _et_ dementia, love and madness.

    [Illustration: HALF-AND-HALF.]


+OF A PREPOSITION.+

A Preposition is a part of speech commonly _set before_ another word.
Words, however, do not eat each other, though men have been known to eat
words. Ab, ad, ante, &c. prepositions.

Sometimes a preposition is joined in composition with another word, as
_pro_stratus, knocked down-- floored.

  Tullius ab aquario _pro_stratus est:

  Tully was knocked down by a waterman.


+OF AN INTERJECTION.+

An interjection is a word expressing a sudden emotion or feeling, as
Hei! Oh dear!-- Heu! Lack-a-day!-- Hem! Brute, Hollo! Brutus.-- Euge!
Tite, Bravo! Titus.

We here find ourselves approaching the delightful subject of the three
Concords, with which we shall make short work, first, for fear of
further _Accidence_, and, secondly, because we are no fonder than boys
are of _repetitions_, which, were we to follow the Eton Grammar in the
Concords, we should be obliged to make in the Syntax.

However, there are just one or two points to be mentioned.

_Rule._ (Text-hand copy-books.) "Ask no questions."

_Exception._ When you want to find where the concord should be, ask the
following--

Who? or what?-- to find the nominative case to the verb.

Whom? or what? with the verb, for the accusative after it.

Who? or what? with the adjective, for the substantive to the adjective.

Who? or what? with the verb, for the antecedent to the relative.

But remember, that the use of the interrogatives who? and what? however
justifiable in grammar, is very impertinent in conversation. What, for
example, can be more ill-bred than to say, Who are you? Indeed, most
questions are ill mannered. We do not speak of such expressions as, Has
your mother sold her mangle? and the like, used only by persons who have
never asked themselves where they expect to go to? but of all
unnecessary demands whatever. "Sir," said the great Dr. Johnson, "it is
uncivil to be continually asking, Why is a dog's tail short, or why is a
cow's tail long."


+OF THE GENDERS OF NOUNS,+

  Commonly known by the name of

  _"Propria Quae Maribus."_

As the "Propria Quae Maribus" is no joke, and the "As in Praesenti" is too
much of a joke, we must do with them as we did with the verbs. Singing a
song is always esteemed a valid substitute for telling a story; and the
indulgence which we would have extended to us in this respect, is that
universally granted to civilized society.

Let the "Propria Quae Maribus" be turned into a series of exercises,
thus, or in like manner--

  _Air._-- "Here 's to the maiden of bashful fifteen."

  All names of the male kind you masculine call,
    Ut sunt (for example), Divorum,
  Mars, Bacchus, Apollo, the deities all,
    And Cato, Virgilius, virorum.
      Latin 's a bore, and bothers me sore,
      Oh how I wish that my lesson was o'er.

  Fluviorum, ut Tibris, Orontes likewise,
    Fine rivers in ocean that lost are,
  And Mensium-- October an instance supplies;
    Ventorum, ut Libs, Notus, Auster.
      Latin 's a bore, &c.

We do not pretend that the mode of study here recommended, is perfectly
original. The genuine Propria Quae Maribus, and As in Praesenti, like the
writings of the most remote antiquity, consist of certain useful truths
recorded in harmonious numbers. It has been a question among
commentators, whether these interesting compositions were originally
intended to be said or sung. Analogy (we mean that derived from the
works of Homer and Virgil) would incline us to the latter opinion, which
however does not appear to have been generally entertained in the
schools. We shall give one more specimen in the above style; and we beg
it may be remembered, that in so doing, we have no wish to detract in
any way from the merit of the illustrious poet in the Eton Grammar; all
we think is, that he might have introduced a little more _comicality_
into his work, while he was about it.


+OF THE PRETERPERFECT TENSE, &c. OF VERBS.+

  _Otherwise the "As in Praesenti."_

  As in Praesenti-- Preterperfect-- avi,
  Oh! send me well done, lean, and lots of gravy,
  Save lavo, lavi, nexo, nexui.
  Ah! me-- how sweet is cream with apple-pie,
  Juvi from juvo, secui from seco,
  Could n't I lie and tipple, more Graeco!
  From neco, necui, and mico, word
  Which micui makes, Oh! roast goose, lovely bird!
  Plico which plicui gives. Delightful grub!
  And frico, fricas, fricui, to rub--
  So domo, tono, domui, tonui make.
  And sono, sonui.-- Lead me to the stake,
  I mean the beef-_stake_-- crepo, crepui too,
  Which means to _crack_ (as roasted chestnuts do,)
  Then veto, vetui makes-- _forbidding_ sound,
  Cubo, to lie along (these verbs confound
  Ye gods) makes cubui, do gives rightly dedi;
  What viler object than a coat that 's seedy?--
  Sto to form steti has a predilection;
  Well-- let it if it likes, I've no objection.
    &c. &c. &c.


+SYNTAXIS,+

  _or the Construction of Grammar._

_Q._ What part of the grammar resembles the indulgences sold in the
middle ages?

_A._ _Sin_-tax.


  THE FIRST CONCORD;
  THE NOMINATIVE CASE AND THE VERB.

Where there is much _personality_, there is generally little concord.

However, a verb personal agrees with its nominative case in number and
person, as Sera nunquam est ad bonos mores via, The way to good manners
is never too late. Mind that, brother Jonathan.

    [Illustration: AMERICAN GENTLEMEN.]

_Note_-- The above maxim is especially worthy of the attention of
neophytes in law and medicine; of the gods in the gallery, and of
Members of the _House_.

The nominative case of pronouns is rarely expressed, except for the sake
of distinction or emphasis, as--

  _Tu_ es exquisitus, _tu_ es,

  _You_ 're a nice man, _you_ are.

    [Illustration]

Sometimes a sentence is the nominative case to the verb, as

  Ingenuas pugni didicisse fideliter artes,
    Mollitos mores non sinit esse viri.

  The faithful study of the fistic art
  From mawkish softness guards a Briton's heart.

    [Plate:
    INGENUAS PUGNI DIDICISSE FIDELITER ARTES
    MOLLITOS MORES NON SINIT ESSE VIRI.]

Who can doubt it? But, besides, we have much to say in praise of boxing.
In the first place, it is a _classical_ accomplishment. To say nothing
of the Olympic and Isthmian Games, which are of themselves sufficient
proof of the elegant and _fanciful_ tastes of the ancients; we need only
allude to the fact, that the _Corinthians_ are universally celebrated
for their proficiency in this science. Then, of its eminently _social_
tendency, there can be no doubt. What can be more conducive to good
fellowship, and conviviality than the frequent _tapping of claret_,
attendant both on its study and practice? Nor can its beneficial
influence on the fine arts be called in question, seeing that its
immediate object is to teach us the _use of our hands_. And (which
perhaps is the most pursuasive argument of all), it is particularly
pleasing to the fair sex, who besides their well known admiration of
_bravery_, are, to a woman, devotedly attached to the _ring_.

Sometimes an adverb with a genitive case stands in the place of the
nominative, as--

  Partim astutorum mordebantur,

  Part of the knowing ones were bit.

We must contend that the above is a _racy_ observation.


  EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE.

Verbs of the infinitive mood-- but hold. Remember that there is scarcely
any rule without an exception; and this axiom particularly applies to
the Syntax. We used to wish it did not; because then we should not have
had so much to learn-- to resume however--

Verbs of the infinitive mood often have set before them an accusative
case instead of a nominative; the conjunction quod, or ut, being left
out, as

  Annam reginam aiunt occubuisse:

  They say that Queen Anne's dead.

A verb placed between two nominative cases of different numbers, is not
like a donkey between two stacks of hay, it makes choice of one or the
other, and agrees with it, as

  Amygdalae amarae venenum _est_,

  Bitter almonds _is_ poison.

We have written the English beneath the Latin. Perhaps it may be
imagined that we think good English _beneath_ us.

A singular noun of multitude is sometimes joined to a plural verb; as

  Pars puerorum philosophum secuti sunt,

  Part of the boys followed the philosopher.

    [Illustration]

And so they would now, particularly if they saw one in costume.

Verbs impersonal have no nominative case before them, as

  Taedet me Grammatices, I am weary of Grammar.

  Pertaesum est Syntaxeos, I am quite sick of Syntax.

  Mirificum visum est Socratem in gyrum saltantem videre,

  It seemed wonderful to behold Socrates jumping Jim Crow.

    [Illustration]


  SECOND CONCORD.
  THE SUBSTANTIVE AND THE ADJECTIVE.

Adjectives, participles, and pronouns agree with the substantive in
gender, number, and case, as

  Vir exiguo conventui, sobrioque idoneus:

  A nice man for a small tea-party.

    [Illustration: A TEA SPOON.]

The Spartans, probably, were men of this kind; their aversion to
drunkenness being well known.

Observe how close the concord is between substantive and adjective. The
ties of wedlock are nothing to it; for, besides that in that happy state
there is very often not a little discord, it is quite impossible that
man and wife should ever agree in _gender_.

Sometimes a sentence supplies the place of a substantive; the adjective
being placed in the neuter gender, as

  Audito reginam leones c[oe]nantes visisse:

  It being heard that Her Majesty had gone to see the lions at supper.


  THIRD CONCORD.
  THE RELATIVE AND THE ANTECEDENT.

The relative and antecedent hit it off very well together; they agree
one with the other in gender, number, and person, as

  Qui plenos haurit cyathos, madidusque quiescit,
  Ille bonam degit vitam, moriturque facetus.

  "He who drinks plenty, and goes to bed mellow,
  Lives as he ought to do, and dies a jolly fellow."

    [Illustration]

Horace was the fellow for this kind of thing. Cato must have been a
regular wet blanket.

Sometimes a sentence is placed for an antecedent, as

  Heliogabalus, spiritu contento, viginti quatuor ostrearum
  demersit in alvum, quod Dandoni etiam longe antecellit.

  Heliogabalus, at one breath, swallowed two dozen of oysters,
  which beats even Dando out and out.

    [Illustration: HELIOGABALUS.]

Many of the ancients could swallow a good deal.

A relative placed between two substantives of different genders and
numbers, sometimes agrees with the latter, as

  Pueri tuentur illum librum quae Latina Grammatices et Comica dicitur.

  Boys regard that book which is called the Comic Latin Grammar.

Sometimes a relative agrees with the primitive, which is understood in
the possessive, as

  Mirabantur impudentiam suam qui ad reginam literas misit.

  They wondered at his impudence, who wrote a letter to the queen.

If a nominative case be interposed between the relative and the verb,
the relative is governed by the verb, or by some other word which is
placed in the sentence with the verb, as

  Luciferi quos Prometheus surripuit, ad Jovem cujus numen contempsit,
  pertinebant.

  The Lucifers which Prometheus shirked, belonged to Jupiter,
  whose authority he despised.

In fact, Prometheus _made light_ of Jupiter's _lightning_.

We now take leave of the Concords, observing only how pleasant it is to
see _relatives agree_.

    [Illustration: IT 'S PLEASANT TO SEE RELATIVES AGREE.]

    [Plate:
    PROMETHEUS VINCTUS.]

Our next subject is the


  CONSTRUCTION OF NOUNS SUBSTANTIVE.

Which is not quite so amusing as the construction of small boats, paper
kites, pinwheels, crackers, or any other mode of displaying the faculty
of "constructiveness"-- though in one sense the construction of nouns
substantive, is not unlike the construction of _puzzles_.

When two substantives of a different signification meet together, the
latter is put in the genitive case, as

  Ulysses lumen Cyclopis extinxit:

  Ulysses doused the glim of the Cyclops.

This genitive case is sometimes changed into a dative, as

  Urbi pater est, urbique maritus. --Gram. Eton.

  He is the father of the city, and the husband of the city.

He must have been a pretty fellow, whoever he was.

An adjective of the neuter gender, put without a substantive, sometimes
requires a genitive case, as

  Paululum honestatis sartori sufficit:

  A very little honesty is enough for a tailor.

A genitive case is sometimes placed alone; the preceding substantive
being understood by the figure ellipsis, as

  Ubi ad magistri veneris, cave verbum de porco:

  When you are come to the master's (house), not a word about the pig.

The word pig is a very general term, and is used to signify not only the
animal so called, and such of the human race as resemble him in habits,
appearance, or feelings; but also to denote a variety of little things,
which it is sometimes necessary to keep secret. A pedagogue now and then
discovers a _pig-tail_ appended to his coat collar-- this, or rather the
way in which it got there, is one of the little _pigs_ in question.
Robbing the larder or the garden is another; so is insinuating
horse-hairs into the cane, or putting cobbler's wax on the seat of
learning -- we mean the master's stool. A sort of _pig_ (or rather a
_rat_) is sometimes _smelt_ by the master on taking his nightly walk
though the dormitories, when roast fowl, mince pies, bread and cheese,
shrub, punch, &c. have been slyly smuggled into those places of repose.
Shirking down town is always a _pig_, and the consequences thereof, in
case of discovery, a great _bore_.

Considering that a secret is a _pig_, it is singular that betraying one
should be called letting the _cat_ out of the bag.

    [Plate:
    SMELLING A PIG.]

Two substantives respecting the same thing are put in the same case, as

  Telemachum, juvenem bonae indolis, Calypso existimavit.

  Calypso thought Telemachus a nice young man.

By the way, what a nice young man Virgil makes out Marcellus to have
been!

Praise, dispraise, or the quality of a thing is placed in the ablative,
and also in the genitive case-- as

  Vir paucorum verborum et magni appetitus:

  A man of few words and large appetite.

  Paterfamilias. Vir multis miseriis:

  A father of a family. A man of many woes.

    [Illustration]

The man of most _woes_, however, is a hackney-coachman.

Opus, need, and usus, need, require an ablative case, as

  Didoni marito opus erat;

  Dido had need of a husband.

  AEneae c[oe]na usus erat;

  AEneas had need of a dinner.

But opus appears to be sometimes placed like an adjective for
necessarius, necessary, as

  Regi Anthropophagorum coquus opus est:

  The King of the Cannibal Islands wants a cook.

Which would serve his purpose best-- a valet-de-chambre who _dresses_
men, or a wit, who _roasts_ them?


  THE CONSTRUCTION OF NOUNS ADJECTIVE.

  THE GENITIVE CASE AFTER THE ADJECTIVE.

Adjectives which signify desire, knowledge, memory, fear, and the
contrary to these, require a genitive case, as

  Est natura vetularum obtrectationis avida:

  The nature of old women is fond of scandal.

This particularly applies to old maids. As those delightful creatures
now-a-days, not content with being _grey_ aspire to be actually _blue_;
we cannot help recommending to them a kind of study, for which their
propensity to _cutting up_ renders them peculiarly adapted; we mean
_Anatomy_. And since it is on the foulest and most odious points of
character that they chiefly delight to dwell, we more especially suggest
to them the pursuit of _Morbid Anatomy_, as one which is likely to be
attended both with gratification and success.

  Mens tempestatum praescia:

  A mind foreknowing the weather.

A piece of _sea-weed_ has often, heretofore, been used as a barometer;
but it is only of late that this purpose has been answered by a
_murphy_.

  Immemor beneficii:

  Unmindful of a kindness.

The sort of kindness one is least likely to forget is that which our
master used to say he conferred upon us, when he was inculcating
learning by means of the rod. We cannot help thinking, however, that he
began _at the wrong end_.

  Imperitus rerum:

  Unacquainted with the world, i.e. Not 'up to snuff'.

Much controversy has been wasted in attempts to determine the origin of
the phrase "up to snuff". Some have contended that it was suggested by
the well-known quality possessed by snuff, of _clearing the head_; but
this idea is far fetched, not to say absurd. Others will have that the
expression was derived from Snofe, or Snoffe, the name of a cunning
rogue who flourished about the time of the first crusade; so that "up to
Snoffe" signified as clever, or knowing, as Snoffe; and was in process
of time converted into "up to snuff." This opinion is deserving of
notice; though the only argument in its favour is, that the phrase in
question was in vogue long before the discovery of tobacco. Probably the
soundest view is that which connects it with the proper name Znoufe,
which in ancient High-Dutch is equivalent to Mercury, whose reputation
for astuteness among the ancients was exceedingly great. Conf.
Hookey-Walk, ii. 13. Hok. Pok. Wonk-Fum. viii. 24. Cheek. Marin. passim,
with a host of commentators, ancient and modern.

  Roscius timidus Deorum fuit:

  _Roscius_ was afraid of the _Gods_.

Adjectives ending in _ax_, derived from verbs, also require a genitive
case, as

  Tempus edax rerum:

  Time is the consumer of all things.

Hence Time is sometimes figured as an alderman.

Nouns partitive, nouns of number, nouns comparative and superlative, and
certain adjectives put partitively, require a genitive case, from which
also they take their gender; as

  Utrum horum mavis accipe:

  Take which of those two things you had rather.

So Queen Eleanor gave Fair Rosamond her choice between the dagger and
the bowl of poison. This, to our mind, would have been like choosing a
tree to be hanged on.

  Primus fidicinum fuit Orpheus:

  Orpheus was the first of fiddlers.

He is said to have charmed the hearts of broomsticks.

  Momus lepidissimus erat Deorum:

  Momus was the funniest of the Gods.

Other deities may have made Jupiter shake his head. Momus used to make
him shake his sides.

  Sequimur te, sancte deorum:

  We follow thee, O sacred deity.

Namely, the aforesaid Momus. He is the only heathen god that we should
have had much reverence for, and certainly the only one that we should
ever have sacrificed to at all. The offering most commonly made to the
god of laughter was, probably, _a sacrifice of propriety_.

But the above nouns are also used with these prepositions, a, ab, de, e,
ex, inter, ante; as,

  Primus inter philosophos Democritus est:

  Democritus is the first amongst philosophers.

And why? Because he alone was wise enough to find out that laughing is
better than crying. He it was who first proved to the world that
philosophy and comicality are, in fact, one science; and that the more
we learn the more we laugh. We forget whether it was he or Aristotle who
made the remark, that man is the only laughing animal except the hyaena.

_Secundus_ sometimes requires a dative case, as

  Haud ulli veterum virtute secundus:

  Inferior to none of the ancients in valour.

    [Illustration]

Surely Virgil in saying this, had an eye to a hero, whose fame has been
perpetuated in the verses of a later poet.

  "Some talk of Alexander, and some of Pericles,
    Of Conon and Lysander, and Alcibiades;
  But of all the gallant heroes, there 's none for to compare,
    With my ri-fol-de-riddle-iddle-lol to the British grenadier!"

An interrogative, and the word which answers to it, shall be of the same
case and tense, except words of a different construction be made use of;
as

  Quarum rerum nulla est satietas? Pomorum.

  Of what things is there no fulness? Of fruit.

Dr. Johnson used to say that he never got as much wall fruit as he could
eat.

    [Illustration]


  THE DATIVE CASE AFTER THE ADJECTIVE.

Adjectives by which advantage, disadvantage, likeness, unlikeness,
pleasure, submission, or relation to any thing is signified, require a
dative case; as

  Astaci incocti patriae idonei sunt in pace; cocti autem in bello.

  Raw lobsters are serviceable to their country in peace; but boiled
  ones in war.

Lobster's _claws_ are nasty things to get into.

The Corporation of London seemed very much afraid of the _Police
clause_.

One of the reasons why a soldier is sometimes called a lobster, probably
is, that the latter is a _marine_ animal.

  Balaenae persimile:

  Very like a whale.

  Qui color albus erat nunc est contrarius albo:

  The colour which was white is now contrary to white.

Some people will swear white is black to gain their ends; and a man who
will do this, though he may not always be--

  Jucundus amicis:

  Pleasant to his friends;

is nevertheless frequently so to his _constituents_.

Hither are referred nouns compounded of the preposition _con_, as
contubernalis, a comrade; commilito, a fellow soldier, &c. You must
_con_ all such words attentively before you can _con_strue well, or the
_con_sequence will be, that you will be _con_siderably blown up, if not
_con_foundedly flogged.

Some of these which signify similitude, are also joined to a genitive
case, as

  Par uncti fulminis:

  Like greased lightning.

The familiarity of our transatlantic friends with the nature of the
electric fluid, is no doubt owing to the discoveries of their countryman
Franklin. _Q._ Was the lightning which that philosopher drew down from
the clouds, of the kind mentioned in the example?

Communis, common; alienus, strange; immunis, free, are joined to a
genitive, dative, and also to an ablative case, with a preposition, as

  Aures longae communes asinorum sunt:

  Long ears are common to asses.

Though _musical_ ears are not. We even doubt whether they would have the
slightest admiration for _Bray_-ham.

  Non sunt communes caudae hominibus:

  Tails are not common to men.

Except coat-tails, shirt-tails, pig-tails, and rats'-tails-- to which
en-_tails_ may perhaps also be added, though these last are often cut
off.

  Non alienus a poculo cerevisiae:

  Not averse to a pot of beer.

We should think we were not; and should as soon think of engaging in an
unnatural quarrel with our bread and butter.

Natus, born; commodus, convenient; incommodus, inconvenient; utilis,
useful; inutilis, useless; vehemens, earnest; aptus, fit, are sometimes
also joined to an accusative case with a preposition, as

  Natus ad laqueum:

  Born to a halter.

    [Illustration]

Those who are reserved for this exalted destiny, are said to enjoy a
peculiar immunity from drowning. Is this the reason why _watermen_ are
such a set of rogues?

To prevent mistakes, it should be mentioned, that the _watermen_ here
meant are those who, by their own account, are so called from their
office being _to shut the doors of hackney coaches_.

Verbal adjectives ending in _bilis_, taken passively, and participles
made adjectives ending in _dus_, require a dative case; as

  Nulli penetrabilis astro;

  Penetrable by no _star_--

not fond of _acting_?

  O venerande mihi Liston! te luget Olympus:

  O Liston, to be venerated by me the _Olympic_ bewails thee.


  THE ACCUSATIVE CASE AFTER THE ADJECTIVE.

The measure of quantity is put after adjectives, in the accusative, the
ablative, and the genitive case, as

  Anguis centum pedes longus:

  A snake a hundred feet long.

  Arbor gummifera, alta mille et quingentis passibus.

  A gum-tree a mile and a half high.

  Aranea, lata pedum denum:

  A spider ten feet broad.

An accusative case is sometimes put after adjectives and participles,
where the preposition secundum, appears to be understood, as

  Os humerosque asello similis:

  Like to a cod-fish as to his head and shoulders.

Some men _are_ exceedingly like a cod-fish, as to their head and
shoulders, and they often endeavour to increase this natural resemblance
as much as possible, by wearing _gills_.


  THE ABLATIVE CASE AFTER THE ADJECTIVE.

Adjectives which relate to plenty or want, sometimes require an
ablative, sometimes a genitive case, as

  Amor et melle et felle est f[oe]cundissimus:

  Love is very full both of honey and gall.

The _honey_ of love is-- we do not know exactly what. Honey, however, is
Latin for love, as the Irishman said.

The gall of love consists in

First. Tight boots, in which it is often necessary to do penance before
_our Lady's_ window. This is at all events very _galling_.

    [Illustration: A TIGHT BOOT.]

Secondly. In lover's sighs, to which it communicates their peculiar
_bitterness_.

Thirdly. Another very _galling_ thing in love is being cut out.

Fourthly. Love is one of the passions treated of by _Gall_ and
Spurzheim.

Adjectives and substantives govern an ablative case, signifying the
cause and the form, or the manner of a thing, as

  Demosthenes vociferatione raucus erat:

  Demosthenes was hoarse with bawling.

  Nomine grammaticus, re barbarus:

  A grammarian in name; in reality a barbarian.

Like many of the old masters-- we do not mean painters-- though we
certainly allude to _brothers of the brush_-- perhaps it would be better
to call them _brothers of the angle_, on account of their partiality to
the _rod_. Does the reader _twig_? If so, it is unnecessary to _branch_
out into a discussion with regard to the nature of the barbarity hinted
at-- a kind of barbarity which, though it may proclaim its perpetrators
to be by no means allied to the _feline_ race, connects them most
decidedly with the _canine_ species.

Dignus, worthy; indignus, unworthy; praeditus, endued; captus, disabled;
contentus, content; extorris, banished; fretus, relying upon; liber,
free; with adjectives signifying price, require an ablative case, as

  Leander dignus erat meliore fato:

  Leander was worthy of a better fate.

Poor fellow! first to be head over ears in love, and then over head and
ears in the sea! Shocking! What an _hero_ic young man he must have
been.-- What _a duck_, too, the fair Hero must have thought him as she
watched him from her lonely tower, nearing her every moment, as he cleft
with lusty arm the foaming herring-pond. We mean the Hellespont-- but no
matter. What a _goose_ he must have been considered by any one else who
happened to know of his nightly exploits! How miserably he was _gulled_
at last! Never mind. If Leander went to the _fishes_ for love, many a
better man than he, has, before and since, gone, from the same cause, to
the _dogs_.

  Conscientia procuratoris solidis sex, denariis octo, venale est;

  A lawyer's conscience is to be sold for six and eightpence.

Some of these, sometimes admit a genitive case, as

  Carmina digna deae:

  Verses worthy of a goddess.

Whether the following verses are worthy of a goddess or not, we shall
not attempt to decide; they were addressed to one at all events-- at
least to a being who, if _idolizing_ constitutes a goddess, may,
perhaps, be termed one. We met with them in turning over the pages of an
album.

  LINES BY A FOND LOVER.

  Lovely maid, with rapture swelling,
    Should these pages meet thine eye,
  Clouds of absence soft dispelling;
    Vacant memory heaves a sigh.

  As the rose, with fragrance weeping,
    Trembles to the tuneful wave,
  So my heart shall twine unsleeping,
    Till it canopies the grave!

  Though another's smiles requited,
    Envious fate my doom should be:
  Joy for ever disunited,
    Think, ah! think, at times on me!

  Oft amid the spicy gloaming,
    Where the brakes their songs instil,
  Fond affection silent roaming,
    Loves to linger by the rill--

  There when echo's voice consoling,
    Hears the nightingale complain,
  Gentle sighs my lips controlling,
    Bind my soul in beauty's chain.

  Oft in slumber's deep recesses,
    I thy mirror'd image see;
  Fancy mocks the vain caresses
    I would lavish like a bee!

  But how vain is glittering sadness!
    Hark, I hear distraction's knell!
  Torture gilds my heart with madness!
    Now for ever fare thee well!

    [Illustration: AN ALBUM AUTHOR.]

It would be interesting as well as instructive to settle the difference
between love verses and nonsense verses, if this were the proper place
for doing so. But we are not yet come to the Prosody; nor shall we
arrive there very soon unless we get on with the Syntax.

Comparatives, when they may be explained by the word quam, than, require
an ablative case, as

  Achilles Agamemnone velocior erat:

  Achilles was a faster man than Agamemnon.

_Fast men_ in modern times are very apt to _outrun the constable_.

Tanto, by so much, quanto, by how much, hoc, by this, eo, by this, and
quo, by which; with some other words which signify the measure of
exceeding; likewise aetate, by age, and natu, by birth, are often joined
to comparatives and superlatives, as

  Tanto deformissimus, quanto sapientissimus philosophorum.

  By so much the ugliest, by how much the wisest of philosophers.

Such an one was Socrates. It is all very well to have a contemplative
disposition; but it need not be accompanied by a _contemplative nose_.

  Quo plus habent, eo plus cupiunt:

  The more they have the more they want.

This is a curious fact in the natural history of school-boys, considered
in relation to roast beef and plum pudding.

  Maximum aetate virum in tota Kentuckia contudi:

  I whopped the oldest man in all Kentucky.


  THE CONSTRUCTION OF PRONOUNS.

All those who would understand the construction of pronouns, should take
care to be well versed in the distinction between _meum_ and _tuum_,
ignorance of which often gives rise to the disagreeable necessity of
becoming too intimately acquainted with _quod_.

Mei, of me, tui, of thee, sui, of himself, nostri, of us, vestri, of
you, (the genitive cases of their primitives ego, tu, &c.) are used when
a person is signified, as

  Languet desiderio tui:

  He languishes for want of you.

You cannot give a more acceptable piece of information than the above,
to any young lady. The fairer and more amiable sex always like to have
something-- if not to love, at least to pity.

  Parsque tui lateat corpore clausa meo. --_Eton Gram._

  And a part of you may lie shut up in my body.

Or rather _may_ it so lie! How forcibly a sucking pig hanging up outside
a pork-butcher's shop always recals this beautiful line of Ovid's to the
mind!

Meus, mine, tuus, thine, suus, his own (Cocknice his'n), noster, ours,
vester, yours, are used when action, or the possession of a thing is
signified; as

  Qui bona quae non sunt sua furtim subripit, ille
    Tempore quo capitur, carcere clausus erit:

  Him as prigs wot isn 't his'n,
  Ven he's cotch'd 'll go to pris'n.

    [Illustration]

These possessive pronouns, meus, tuus, suus, noster, and vester, take
after them these genitive cases,-- ipsius, of himself, solius, of him
alone, unius, of one, duorum, of two, trium, of three, &c., omnium, of
all, plurium, of more, paucorum, of few, cujusque, of every one, and
also the genitive cases of participles, which are referred to the
primitive word understood; as

  Meis unius impensis pocula sex exhausi:

  I drank six pots to my own cheek.

We wonder that any one should have the _face_ to say so.

Sui and suus are reciprocal pronouns, that is, they have always relation
to that which went before, and was most to be noted in the sentence,
as--

  Jonathanus nimium admiratur se:

  Jonathan admires himself too much.

  Parcit erroribus suis, He spares his own errors.

  Magnopere Jonathanus rogat ne se derideas, Jonathan earnestly begs
  that you would not laugh at him.

If you _do_, take care that he does not _blow you up_ one of these fine
days.

These demonstrative pronouns, hic, iste, and ille are thus
distinguished: hic points out the nearest to me; iste him who is by you;
ille him who is at a distance from both of us.

In making _game_ of the Syntax, we regard them as _pointers_.

When hic and ille are referred to two things or persons going before,
hic generally relates to the latter, ille to the former, as

  Richardus Thomasque suum de more bibebant,
    Ebrius hic vappis, ebrius ille mero:

  Both Dick and Tom caroused away like swine,
  Tom drunk with swipes, and Dicky drunk with wine.


  THE CONSTRUCTION OF VERBS.

  THE NOMINATIVE CASE AFTER THE VERB.

Verbs substantive, as sum, I am, forem, I might be, fio, I am made,
existo, I am; verbs passive of calling, as nominor, I am named,
appellor, I am called, dicor, I am said, vocor, I am called, nuncupor, I
am named, and the like to them, as videor, I am seen, habeor, I am
accounted, existimor, I am thought, have the same cases before and after
them, as

  Adeps viridis est summum bonum:

  Green fat is the chief good.

Even among the ancients, _turtles_ were the emblems of love; which, next
to eating and drinking, has always been the first object of human
pursuit. This fact proves, very satisfactorily, two things, first, their
proficiency in the science of gastronomy; and, secondly, their extreme
susceptibility of the tender passion.

  Pileus vocatur tegula:

  A hat is called a tile.

    [Illustration: TILED IN.]

Likewise all verbs in a manner admit after them an adjective, which
agrees with the nominative case of the verb, in case, gender, and
number, as

  Pii orant taciti. --_Eton Gram._

  The pious pray silently.

Is this a sly rap at the Quakers?


  THE GENITIVE CASE AFTER THE VERB.

Sum requires a genitive case as often as it signifies possession, duty,
sign, or that which relates to any thing; as

  Quod rapidam trahit AEtatem pecus est Melib[oe]i,

  The cattle _wot_ drags the _Age_, fast coach, is Melib[oe]us's.

Alas! that such an Age should be banished by the Age of rail-roads!--
let us hear the

  COACHMAN'S LAMENT.

  _Air._-- "Oh give me but my Arab steed."

  Farewell my ribbons, and, alack!
      Farewell my tidy drag;
  Mail-coach-men now have got the _sack_,
      And engineers the _bag_.

  My heart and whip alike are broke--
      I've lost my varmint team
  That used to cut away like _smoke_,
      But could n't go like _steam_.

  It is, indeed, a bitter _cup_,
      Thus to be sent to _pot_;
  My bosom boils at boiling up
      A gallop or a trot.

  My very brain with _fury_ 's rack'd,
      That railways are the _rage_;
  I'm sure you'll never find them _act_,
      Like our old English _stage_.

  A man whose _passion_ 's crost, is sore,
      Then pray excuse my _pet_;
  I ne'er was _overturn'd_ before,
      But now am quite _upset_.

    [Illustration]

These nominative cases are excepted from the above rule, meum, mine,
tuum, thine, suum, his, noster, our, vester, your, humanum, human,
belluinum brutal, and the like, as

  Non est tuum aviam instruere:

  Don't teach your grandmother-- to suck eggs.

  Humanum est inebriari.

  It is a human frailty-- or an amiable weakness-- to get drunk.

Lord Byron proves it to be a _human_ frailty.

  "_Man_ being _reasonable_, _must_ get drunk."

    [Illustration: A REASONABLE CREATURE.]

Another poet (anon.) proves it to be an _amiable_ one, by establishing
the analogy which exists between it and an intoxication of another
kind--

  "Love is like a dizziness,
  Never lets a poor man go about his business."

Verbs of accusing, condemning, advising, acquitting, and the like,
require a genitive case which signifies the charge; as

  Qui alterum accusat probri, eum ipsum se intueri oportet.

  It is fit that he who accuses another of dishonesty
  should look into himself.

If this maxim were acted up to, what attorney could we ever get to frame
an indictment?

  Furti damnatus, "tres menses" adeptus est:

  Being condemned of theft, he had "three months."

We do not see much _fun_ in that. We cannot help thinking, however,
that "Three Months at Brixton," would form a taking (at least a
_thief_-taking) title for a novel.

  Admoneto magistrum squalidarum vestium:

  Put the master in mind of his seedy clothes.

That is if you want a _good dressing_.

This genitive case is sometimes changed into an ablative, either with or
without a preposition, as

  Putavi de calendis Aprilibus te esse admonendum:

  I thought that you ought to be reminded of the first of April.

Young reader! were you ever, on the above anniversary, sent to the
cobbler's for pigeons' milk, and dismissed with _strap-oil_ for your
_pains_? Were your domestic and alimentive affections ever sported with
by the false intelligence that a letter from home and a large cake were
waiting for you below! Or worse, did some waggish, but inconsiderate
friend ever send you a fool's-cap and a hamper of stones?

Reader, of a more advanced age, were you ever?-- but we cannot go on--
Oh! Matilda-- we might have been your _slave_-- but it was cruel of you
to _sell_ us in such a manner.

Uterque, both, nullus, none, alter, the other, neuter, neither of the
two, alius, another, ambo, both, and the superlative degree, are joined
to verbs of that kind only in the ablative case, as

  Fratris, an asini, trucidationis accusas me? Utroque,
  sed sceleris unius:

  Do you accuse me of killing my brother or my donkey?
  Of both; but of one crime.

Satago, to be busy about a thing, misereor and miseresco, to pity,
require a genitive case, as

  Qui ducit uxorem rerum satagit:

  He who marries a wife has his hands full of business.

We hear frequently of lovers being _distracted_. Husbands are much more
so.

  O! tergi miserere mei non digna ferentis:

  Oh! have pity on my back, suffering things undeserved.

Reminiscor, to remember, obliviscor, to forget, memini, to remember,
recorder, to call to mind, admit a genitive or accusative case, as

  Reminiscere nonarum Novembrium:

  Remember the fifth of November.

No wonder that so many _squibs_ are let off on that day; considering the
political feeling connected with it.

  Hoc te spectantem me meminisse precor:

  When this you see remember me.

How particularly anxious all young men and women who are lovers, and all
waiters and chambermaids, whether they are lovers or no, besides
coachmen and porters of all kinds, seem to be _remembered_. A coachman
in one respect especially resembles a lover; he always wishes to be
remembered by his _fare_.

Potior, to gain, is joined either to a genitive or to an ablative case,
as

  Xantippe, marito subacto, femoralium potita fuit.

  Xantippe, her husband being overcome, gained the breeches.

  Terentius Thrace potitus est:

  Terence got a Tartar.

At least he said he did, when he took the prisoner who would n't let him
come.


  THE DATIVE CASE AFTER THE VERB.

All verbs govern a dative case of that thing to or for which any thing
is gotten or taken away, as

  Diminuam tibi caput:

  I will break your head.

  Eheu! mihi circulum ademit!

  Oh dear, he has taken away my hoop!

What a thing it is to be a junior boy!

Verbs of various kinds belong to the above rule. In the first place
verbs signifying advantage or disadvantage govern a dative case, as

  Judaei ad commodandum nobis vivunt:

  The Jews live to accommodate us.

Or accommodate us to live-- which?

Of these juvo, laedo, delecto, and some others, require an accusative
case, as

  Maritum quies plurimum juvat:

  Rest very much delighteth a married man-- when he can get it.

    [Illustration]

Verbs of comparing govern a dative case, as

  Ajacem "Surdo" componere saepe solebam:

  I was often accustomed to compare Ajax to the "Deaf un,"--
  not because he was hard of hearing, but hard in hitting.

Sometimes, however, they require an ablative case with the preposition
cum; sometimes an accusative case with the prepositions ad and inter, as

  Comparo _Pompeium_ cum _globo nivali_:

  I compare _Pompey_ with a _snow-ball_.

Pompey is called in the schools a proper name. Whether it is a _proper
name_ for a <DW65> or not, may be questioned. It may also be doubted
whether a <DW64> can ever rightly be called "snow-ball," except he be _an
ice_ man; in which case even though he should be the knave of _clubs_,
it is obvious that he ought never to be _black balled_.

  Si ad pensum verberatio comparetur nihil est:

  If a flogging be compared to an imposition, it is nothing.

A flogging is a fly-blow, or at least a _flea_-blow to the boy, and a
task only to the master; whereas an imposition is a task to the boy, and
very often a _verse_ task.

Verbs of giving and of restoring govern a dative case, as

  Learius unicuique filiarum dimidium coronae dedit:

  Lear gave his daughters half-a-crown a-piece.

Hence we are enabled to gain some notion of the great value of money in
the time of the Ancient Britons.

Verbs of promising and of paying govern a dative case; as

  Menelaus Paridi fustuarium promisit:

  Menelaus promised Paris a drubbing.

    [Illustration]

  "Gubernatoris" est pendere sartoribus pecuniam:

  It is the place of "the governor" to pay tailors.

Hence young men may learn how desirable it is to be "in statu
pupillari." True, in that state of felicity, they are somewhat under
control, but the above example, and many others of a like nature,
sufficiently prove, that such restriction, compared to the
responsibilities of manhood, is but a _minor_ inconvenience.

Verbs of commanding and telling govern a dative case, as

  Alexander, vinosus, animis imperare non potuit:

  Alexander, when drunk, could not command his temper.

Thus, in a state of beer, he committed manslaughter at least, by killing
and slaying his friend Clitus. We could not resist the temptation to
mention this fact, since, as we have so often laughed at its narration
in those interesting compositions called themes, we thought there must
needs be something very funny about it. Alexander the Great, be it
remarked, for the special behoof of schoolboys, furnishes an example of
any virtue or vice descanted on in any prose task or poem under the sun.

  Antonio dixit Augustus Lepidum veteratorem fuisse.

  Augustus told Antony that Lepidus was a humbug.

We don't know exactly where this historical fact is mentioned. _Lepidus_
is a _funny_ name.

Except, from the foregoing rule, rego, to rule, guberno, to govern,
which have an accusative case; tempero and moderor, to rule, which have
sometimes a dative, sometimes an accusative case; as

  Luna regit ministros:

  The moon rules the ministers.

That is to say, when it is at the full, and resembles a great O.

  Praeco pauperes gubernat:

  The beadle governs the paupers.

  Non semper temperat ipse sibi:

  He does not always govern himself.

  Non animos mollit proprios, nec temperat iras:

  He neither softens his own mind, nor tempers his anger.

  Ecce, Ducrow moderatur equos:

  Lo, Ducrow manages the horses.

_Q._ Why is a general officer like a writing-master?

_A._ Because he is a _ruler of lines_.

Verbs of trusting govern a dative case, as

  Credite, f[oe]mineae, juvenes, committere menti,
  Nil nisi lene decet.

  Believe me, young men, it is fit to entrust nothing to a female mind
  but what is _soft_.

In fact, _soft nothings_ are fittest for the ear of a lady.

  Pomarius poetae non credit:

  The costermonger trusts not the poet.

How wrong, therefore, it is to call him a _green_ grocer.

Verbs of complying with and of opposing govern a dative case, as

  Nunquam obtemperat tiro hodiernus magistro:

  A modern apprentice never obeys his master.

Verbs of threatening and of being angry govern a dative case, as

  Utrique latronum mortem est minitatus:

  He threatened death to both of the robbers,--

By presenting a pistol right and left at each of them. This when done by
some well-disposed sailor in a melodrame, constitutes a situation of
thrilling interest.

    [Illustration]

Sum with its compounds, except possum, governs a dative case, as

  Oculi nigri non semper sunt faciei ornamentum:

  Black eyes are not always an ornament to the face.

    [Illustration]

Verbs compounded with these adverbs, bene, well, satis, enough, male,
ill, and with these prepositions, prae, ad, con, sub, ante, post, ob, in,
inter, for the most part govern a dative case, as

  Saginatio multis hominibus benefacit:

  Cramming does good to many men.

For instance, it does good to aldermen, especially in these days of
reform, _by enlarging the Corporation_. Cramming, or rather the effect
of it, benefits medical men, who again do good to their patients by
_cramming_ them in another way. There is also a species of cramming
which is found very serviceable at the Universities, by enabling certain
students to _pass in a crowd._

    [Illustration: OH! HERE 'S A COMPLIMENT.]

In this respect however it differs essentially from aldermanic cramming,
which enhances the difficulty of such a feat in a very remarkable
manner.

  Puellae, aliae aliis praelucere student:

  Girls endeavour to outshine one another.

And yet they _make light_, as much as they can, of each other's charms
and accomplishments.

  Intempestive parum longe prospicienti Doctori adlusit.

  He joked unseasonably on the short-sighted Doctor.

Johnson was not so short-sighted as to be blind to a joke.

Not a few of the verbs mentioned in the last rule, sometimes change the
dative into another case; as

  Praestat ingenio alius alium:

  One exceeds another in ability.

    [Illustration]

Thus one boy learns Latin and Greek better than the rest; another learns
slang. One is a good hand at construing, another at climbing. Some boys
are peculiarly skilled at casting accounts, others in casting stones.
Here we have a boy of a small appetite and many words, there one of a
large appetite and few words. Sometimes precocious talent is evinced for
playing the fiddle, sometimes for playing a _stick_; sometimes, again,
a strong propensity is discovered for playing the fool. This boy makes
verses, as it were, by inspiration; that boy shows an equal capacity in
making mouths. The most peculiar talent, however, and the one most
exclusive of all others, is that of riding. Those who are destined to
attain great proficiency in this science, can seldom do any thing else;
and usually begin their career by being _horsed_ at school.

Est, for habeo to have, governs a dative case, as

  Est mihi qui vestes custodit avunculus omnes:

  I have an uncle who takes care of all my clothes.

Suppetit, it sufficeth, is like to this, as

  Pauper enim non est cui rerum suppetit usus:

  For he is not poor, to whom the use of things suffices.

The two last examples must suggest a rather alarming idea to those who
are accustomed to propitiate the relation to whom we have just alluded,
by relinquishing _their habits_. Is it possible that he can ever _use_
one's _things_? We recommend this query to the serious consideration of
theatrical persons, and all others who are addicted to _spouting_.

_Sum_ with many _others_ admits a double dative case, as

  Exitio est avidis alvus pueris:

  The belly is the destruction of greedy boys.

Particularly those of _Eton_ College.

Sometimes this dative case tibi, or sibi, or also mihi, is added for the
sake of elegance in expression, as

  Cato suam sibi uxorem Hortensio vendidit:

  Cato sold his own wife to Hortensius.

    [Illustration]

Some say he only lent her. The fact most probably is, that the lady,
being tired of her husband, wished to be a-_loan_.


  THE ACCUSATIVE CASE AFTER THE VERB.

Verbs transitive, of what kind soever, whether active, deponent, or
common, require an accusative case, as

  Procuratorem fugito, nam subdolus idem est:

  Avoid an attorney, for the same is a cunning rogue.

Yet the legal profession are always boasting of their _deeds_.

Verbs neuter have an accusative case of a like signification to
themselves, as

  Pomarii asinus duram servit servitutem:

  A coster-monger's donkey serves a hard servitude.

Poor animal! A _Sterne_ heart was once melted by thy sufferings-- how
then must they affect that of the _gentle_ reader?

There are some verbs which have an accusative case by a figure, as

  Nec vox hominem sonat;

  Nor does your voice sound like a human creature's.

This may be said of boys of various kinds-- as pot-boys, butcher's boys,
baker's boys, and other boys who are in the habit of bawling down areas;
also of several descriptions of men, as cab-men, coach-men, watch-men,
and dust-men. The same may likewise be asserted of some women, such as
apple-women, oyster-women, fish-women, and match-women. Here also the
singing of charity children of both sexes, and the voices of
parish-clerks, may be specified, and, lastly, of many foreigners whose
names terminate in ini.

    [Illustration]

Verbs of asking, of teaching, of clothing, and of concealing, commonly
govern two accusative cases, as

  Ego docebo te, adolescentule, lectiones tuas:

  _I'll_ teach you your lessons, young man.

This speech is usually the prelude to something which elicits that
exemplification of the vocative case which has been given in the first
part of the Grammar.

Some verbs of this kind have an accusative case even in the passive
voice, as

  Bis denos posceris versus de scoparum manubrio:

  You are required to make twenty verses on a broomstick.

Why should not a broomstick form the subject of a poetical effusion,
when the material of the broom itself is so often used in schools to
stimulate inventive genius?

Nouns appellative are commonly added with a preposition to verbs which
denote motion, as

  Interea ad templum non aequae Palladis ibant
  Crinibus Iliades passis.  _Virgil._

  In the mean time the Trojan woman went to the temple of
  unfriendly Pallas with their hair about their ears.

How odd they must have looked. Here we take occasion to remind
schoolboys never to lose an opportunity of giving a comic rendering to
any word or phrase susceptible thereof, which they may meet with in the
course of their reading. To say "crinibus passis",-- "with dishevelled
hair" would be to give a very feeble and spiritless translation. Vir is
literally construed _man_; some school-masters will have it called
_hero_,-- we propose to translate it _cove_. So dapes may be rendered
_grub_, or perhaps _prog_; aspera Juno, _crusty Juno_; animam efflare,
to _kick the bucket_; capere fugam, to _cut one's stick_, or _lucky_;
confectus, _knocked up_; fraudatus, _choused_; contundere, _to whop_,
&c. &c.


  THE ABLATIVE CASE AFTER THE VERB.

Every verb admits an ablative case, signifying the instrument, or the
cause, or the manner of an action, as

  Pulvere nitrato Catilina senatum subruere voluit:

  Catiline wished to blow up the Parliament. Catiline was a regular Guy.

A noun of price is put after some words in the ablative case, as

  Ovidius solidis duobus fibulas siphonem ascendere fecit:

  Ovid pawned his buckles for two shillings.

The _sipho_ was a tube, pipe, or spout, projecting from the shops of
pawnbrokers, of whom there is every reason to believe that there were a
great many in ancient Rome. Into this _sipho_ the pledges were placed in
order to be conveyed to the _adytum_ or secret recess of the dwelling.
_Vide_ Casaubon de Avunc: Roman.

Vili, at a low rate, paulo, for little, minimo, for very little, magno,
for much, nimio, for too much, plurimo, for very much, dimidio, for
half, duplo, for twice as much, are often put by themselves, the word,
pretio, price, being understood, as

  Vili venit cibus caninus:

  Dog's meat is sold at a low rate.

These genitive cases put without substantives are excepted, tanti, for
so much, quanti, for how much, pluris, for more, minoris, for less,
quantivis, for as much as you please, tantidem, for just so much,
quantilibet, for what you will, quanticunque for how much soever, as

  Non es tanti: You're no great shakes.

Flocci, of a lock of wool, nauci, of a nut-shell, nihili, of nothing,
assis, of a penny, pili, of a hair, hujus, of this, teruncii, of a
farthing, are added very properly to verbs of esteeming, as

  Nec verberationem flocci pendo, nec ferula percussionem pili aestimo:

  I don't value a flogging a straw, nor do I regard a spatting a hair.

A boy who can say this, must have a brazen front, and an iron back, and
be altogether a lad of _mettle_.

Verbs of abounding, of filling, of loading, and their contraries, are
joined to an ablative case, as

  Tauris abundat Hibernia:

  Ireland aboundeth in bulls.

This circumstance it most probably was which gave rise to the _Tales_ of
the O'Hara family.

We once heard a son of Erin, while undergoing the operation of bleeding
from the arm, remark that that would be an easy way of _cutting one's
throat_.

Some of these sometimes govern a genitive case, as

  Optime ostrearum implebantur:

  They had a capital blow out of oysters.

We are sorry to remark that these are the only _native_ productions
patronized by great people.

Fungor, to discharge, fruor, to enjoy, utor, to use, vescor, to live
upon, dignor, to think one's self worthy, muto, to change, communico, to
communicate, supersedeo, to pass by, are joined to an ablative case, as

  Qui adipisci c[oe]nas optimas volet, leonis fungatur officiis.

  He who shall desire to obtain excellent dinners, should discharge
  the office of a lion.

    [Illustration]

In which case he will come in for the "lion's share."

_Q._ Why is the lion of a party like one of the grand sources of
prejudice mentioned by Lord Bacon?

_A._ Because he is the _Idol_ of the _den_.

Mereor, to deserve, with these adverbs, bene, well, satis, enough, male,
ill, melius, better, pejus, worse, optime, very well, pessime, very ill,
is joined to an ablative case with the preposition de, as

  De libitinario medicus bene meretur:

  The doctor deserves well of the undertaker.

Notwithstanding it might at first sight appear, that the doctor, in
_furnishing funerals_, invades the undertaker's province.

Some verbs of receiving, of being distant, and of taking away, are
sometimes joined to a dative case, as

  Augustus eripuit mihi nitorem:

  Augustus has taken the shine out of me.

    _Last Dying Speech of M. Antony._

An ablative case, taken absolutely, is added to some verbs, as

  Porcis volentibus laetissime epulabimur:

  Please the pigs we'll have a jolly good dinner.

The pig had divine honours paid to it by the ancient Greeks. --Jos.
Scalig. de Myst. Eleusin.

An ablative case of the part affected, and by the poets an accusative
case, is added to some verbs, as

  Qui animo aegrotat, eum aera risum moventem ducere oportet.

  He who is sick in mind should breathe the laughing gas.

Much learned controversy has been expended in endeavouring to determine
whether this gas was the exhalation by which it is supposed that the
ancient Pythonesses were affected.

  Rubet nasum:

  His nose is red.

  Candet genas:

  His cheeks are pale.

Some of these words are used also with the genitive case, as

  Angitur animi juvenis iste, et mundum indignatur.

  That young man is grieved in mind and disgusted with the world.

Such a man is called by the ladies an interesting young man.


  VERBS PASSIVE.

An ablative case of the doer (but with the preposition a or ab going
before), and sometimes also a dative case, is added to verbs passive, as

  Darius eleganter ab Alexandro victus est:

  Darius was elegantly licked by Alexander.

The other cases continue to belong to verbs passive which belonged to
them as verbs active, as

  Titanes laesae majestatis accusati sunt:

  The Titans were indicted for high treason.

And being found guilty were _quartered_ in a very uncomfortable manner,
as well as _drawn_ by various artists, whose skill in _execution_ has
been much commended.

Vapulo, to be beaten, veneo, to be sold, liceo, to be prized, exulo, to
be banished, fio, to be made, neuter passives, have a passive
construction, as

  A praeceptore vapulabis. _Eton Gram._

  You will be beaten by the master.

It appears to us that vapulo, to be beaten, is here at all events more
susceptible of a passive construction than a funny one.

  Malo a cive spoliari quam ab hoste venire. _Eton Gram._

  I had rather be stripped by a citizen than sold by an enemy.

The Romans were regularly _sold_ by the enemy for once, when they had to
go under the yoke.


  VERBS OF THE INFINITIVE MOOD.

Verbs of the infinitive mood are put after some verbs, participles, and
adjectives, and substantives also by the poets, as

  Timotheus ursos saltare fecit:

  Timotheus made the bears dance.

This was done in ancient as it is in modern times, by playing the
Pandean pipes.

  Inconcinnus erat cerni Telamonius Ajax;
  Ajax (ut referunt) vir bonus ire minor:

  The Telamonian Ajax was a rum un to look at;
  The lesser Ajax (as they say) a good un to go.

The Grecians used to call Ajax senior, the _fighting cock_, and Ajax
junior, the _running cock_.

Verbs of the infinitive mood are sometimes placed alone by the figure
ellipsis, as

  Siphonum de more oculis demittere fluctus Dardanidae:

  The Trojans (began understood) to pipe their eyes.

As for AEneas he might have been a town _crier_.


  GERUNDS AND SUPINES

govern the cases of their own verbs, as

  Efferor studio pulices industrios videndi:

  I am transported with the desire of seeing the industrious fleas.

    [Illustration]


  GERUNDS.

  "When Dido found AEneas would not come,
  She mourned in silence, and was Di-do-dum."

Gerunds in di have the same construction as genitive cases, and depend
both on certain substantives and adjectives, as

  Londinensem innatus amor civem urget edendi:

  An innate love of eating excites the London citizen.

People are accustomed to utter a great deal of cant about the
intellectual poverty of civic magistrates, and common councilmen in
general; but it must be allowed that those respectable individuals have
often _a great deal in them_.

    [Illustration: TURTUR ALDERMANICUS.]

Gerunds in do have the same construction with ablative, and gerunds in
dum with accusative cases, as

  Scribendi ratio conjuncta cum loquendo est:

  The means of writing are joined with speaking.

Some things are written precisely after the writer's way of speaking. We
once, for example, saw the following notice posted in a gentleman's
preserve.

  Whear 'as Gins and Engens are Set on
    Thes Grouns for the Destruction Of
    Varmint, Any trespussing Will be prossy-
    Cuted a-cordin Too Law.

  Locus ad agendum amplissimus:

  A place very honourable to plead in.

It may be questioned whether Cicero would have said this of the Old
Bailey.

When necessity is signified, the gerund in dum is used without a
preposition, the verb est being added.

  Cavendum est ne deprensus sis:

  You must take care you 're not caught out.

    [Illustration]

A piece of advice of special importance to schoolboys on many occasions,
such as the following: shirking down town; making devils, or letting off
gunpowder behind the school, or in the yard; conducting a foray or
predatory excursion in gardens and orchards; emulating Jupiter, a la
Salmoneus,-- in his attribute of Cloud-Compelling-- by blowing a cloud,
or to speak in the vernacular, indulging in a cigar; hoisting a frog;
tailing a dog or cat, or in any other way acting contrary to the
precepts of the Animals' Friend Society; learning to construe on the
Hamiltonian system; furtively denuding the birch-rods of their "budding
honours." Cum multis aliis quae nunc perscribere longum est.

Gerunds are also changed into nouns adjective, as

  Ad faciendos versus molestum est:

  It is a bore to make verses.

This being a self-evident proposition, we shall not enlarge upon it.

The supine in um signifies actively, and follows a verb expressing
motion to a place, as

  Spectatum veniunt, veniunt spectentur ut ipsae:

  They come to see, they come that they themselves may be seen.

So said, or sung the poet Ovid. Was there an opera at Rome in his time?

The supine in u signifies passively, and follows nouns adjective, as

  Quod olfactu f[oe]dum est, idem est et esu turpe:

  That which is foul to be smelled, is also nasty to be eaten.

Except venison, onions, and cheese.


  NOUNS OF TIME AND PLACE.

  TIME.

Tempus-- time. There is a story, mentioned (we quote from memory) by the
learned Joe Miller; of a fellow who seeing "Tempus Fugit" inscribed upon
a clock, took it for the name of the artificer.

Persons who have lived a long _time_ in the world, are generally
accounted _sage_; and are sometimes considered to have had a good
_seasoning_.

Nouns which signify a part of time are put more commonly in the ablative
case, as

  Nemo mortalium omnibus horis sapit:

  No mortal man is wise at all hours.

The excuse of a philosopher for getting married.

But nouns which signify the duration of time are commonly put in the
accusative case, as

  Pugna inter juvenem Curtium et Titum Sabinum tres horas perduravit.

  The fight between young Curtius and Sabine Titus lasted three hours.

It is an error to suppose that Roman mills were only water-mills and
wind-mills. The above mill must have been rather a "winder" though, and
must have cost the combatants much _pains_.

We say also: in paucis diebus, in a few days: de die, by day, de nocte,
by night, &c.

A jest upon the nouns of _Time_ would, perhaps, be somewhat ill timed:
we hope, however, to have _Space_ for one presently.


  THE SPACE OF A PLACE.

The space of a place is put in the accusative, and sometimes also in the
ablative, as

  Caesar jam mille passus processerat, summa diligentia.

  Caesar had now advanced a mile with the greatest diligence--

not on the top of the vehicle so named, as a young gentleman was
once flogged for saying.

  Qui non abest a schola centenis millibus passuum, balatronem novi.

  I know a blackguard who is not absent a hundred miles from the school.

"Cantare et apponere" to sing and apply, is the maxim we would here
inculcate on our youthful readers.

Every verb admits a genitive case of the name of a city or town in which
any thing takes place, so that it be of the first or second declension,
and of the singular number, as

  Quid Romae faciam? mentiri nescio:

  What shall I do at Rome? I know not how to lie.

What a bare-faced perversion of the truth that cock and bull story is of
Curtius jumping into the hole in the forum. How the Romans managed to
get _credit_ from any body but the tailors is to us a mystery.

These genitive cases, humi, on the ground, domi, at home, militiae, in
war, belli, in war, follow the construction of proper names, as

  Parvi sunt foris arma nisi est consilium domi:

  Arms are of little worth abroad unless there be wisdom at home.

Cicero must have said this with a prospective eye to Canada.

But if the name of a city or town shall be of the plural number only, or
of the third declension, it is put in the ablative case, as

  Aiunt centum portas Thebis fuisse:

  They say there were an hundred gates at Thebes.

You needn't believe it unless you like.

  Egregia Tibure facta videnda sunt:

  Fine doings are to be seen at Tivoli.

The name of a place is often put after verbs signifying motion to a
place in the accusative case without a preposition, as

  Concessi Cantabrigiam ad capiendum ingenii cultum:

  I went to Cambridge to become a fast man.

After this manner we use domus, a house, and rus, the country, as Rus
ire jussus sum, I was rusticated. Domum missus eram, I was sent home.

Going _too fast_ at Cambridge sometimes necessitates, in two senses,
a dose of country air.

The name of a place is sometimes added to verbs signifying motion from a
place, in the ablative case without a proposition, as

  Arbitror te Virginia veteri venisse:

  I reckon you've come from old Virginny.


  VERBS IMPERSONAL.

Verbs impersonal have no nominative case, as

  Scenas post tragicas multum juvat ire sub umbras:

  After a tragedy it is very pleasant to go under the _Shades_.

The worst of these "Shades" is, that people are now and then apt to get
rather "too much in the sun" there.

These impersonals, interest, it concerns, and refert, it concerns, are
joined to any genitive cases, except these ablative cases feminine, mea,
tua, sua, nostra, vestra, and cuja, as

  Interest magistratus tueri insulsos, animadvertere in acres.

  It concerns the magistrate to defend the flats; to punish the sharps.

These genitive cases also, are added, tanti, of so much, quanti, of how
much, magni, of much, parvi, of little, quanticunque, of how much
soever, tantidem, of just so much; as

  Tanti refert honesta agere;

  Of such consequence is it to do honest things.

By this course of conduct, you certainly render yourself worthy of the
protection of the magistrate; although whether you thereby constitute
yourself a flat or not, is perhaps a doubtful question. Much may be said
on both sides. Dishonesty, it is true, may lead to being taken up; but
then honesty often leads to being taken _in_. Yet honesty is said to be
the best policy. Policy is a branch of wisdom, and "wisdom" they say "is
in the _wig_." Certain _wigs_ are retained at the _head_-- of affairs,
by a good deal of _policy_; perhaps the _best_ they could adopt-- a fact
that throws considerable doubt on the truth of the old maxim.

    [Illustration]

Impersonal verbs which are put acquisitively, require a dative case; but
those which are put transitively an accusative, as--

  A ministris nobis benefit:

  We enjoy blessings from Ministers.

For instance-- No-- We cannot think of any just at present.

  Me juvat per lunam errare, et "Isabellam" cantare:

  I like to wander by moonlight, and sing "Isabelle."

The connexion between love and moonlight is as interesting as it is
certain. We shrewdly suspect that the said planet has more to do with
the tender passion than lovers are aware of.

But the preposition _ad_ is peculiarly _ad_ded to these verbs-- attinet,
it belongs, pertinet, it pertains, spectat, it concerns, as

  Spectat ad omnes bene vivere:

  It concerns all to live well--

When they can afford it.

An accusative case with a genitive is put after these verbs impersonal--
p[oe]nitet, it repents, taedet, it wearies, miseret, miserescit, it
pities, pudet, it shames, piget, it grieves, as--

  "Nihil me p[oe]nitet hujus nasi"-- Trist: Shand:

  "My nose has been the making of me."

A verb impersonal of the passive voice may be elegantly taken for each
person of both numbers; that is to say, by virtue of a case added to it.

Thus statur is used for sto, stas, stat, stamus, statis, stant. Statur a
me; it is stood by me, that is, I stand; statur ab illis: it is stood by
them, or they stand.

King George the Fourth's statue at King's Cross is a _standing joke_.

    [Illustration
      {King's Cross / WINKLES's /
      _Steel and Copper Plate Manufactory_}]


  THE CONSTRUCTION OF PARTICIPLES.

Participles govern the cases of the verbs from which they are derived,
as--

        Duplices tendens ad sidera palmas,
  Talia voce refert:

  Stretching forth his hands to heaven, he utters _such_ things.

    [Illustration]

This reminds us of the Italian opera.

A dative case is sometimes added to participles of the passive voice,
especially when they end in dus, as--

  Sollicito nasus rutilans metuendus amanti est:

  A fiery nose is to be feared by an anxious lover.

Participles, when they become nouns, require a genitive case, as--

  Vectigalis appetens, linguae profusus:

  Greedy of _rint_, lavish of blarney.

Exosus, hating, perosus, utterly hating, pertaesus, weary of, signifying
actively, require an accusative case, as--

  Philosophus exosus ad unam mulieres:

  A philosopher hating women in general,

_i.e._ a Malthusian.

Exosus, hated, and perosus, hated to death, signifying passively, are
read with a dative case, as

  Com[oe]di sanctis exosi sunt:

  The comedians are hated by the saints.

We mean the spiritual Quixotes, or Knights of the Rueful Countenance. We
"calculate" that they will be the greatest patrons of rail roads,
considering their dislike to the _stage_.

Natus, born, prognatus, born, satus, sprung, cretus, descended, creatus,
produced, ortus, risen, editus, brought forth, require an ablative case,
and often with a preposition, as--

  Taffius, bonis prognatus parentibus, cerevisiam haud tenuem
  de sese existimat:

  Taffy, sprung of good parents, thinks no small beer of himself.

  De Britannis Antiquis se jactat editum:

  He boasts of being descended from the Ancient Britons.

_Q._ Why is the eldest son of a King of England like a Leviathan?

_A._ Because he is the Prince of _Wales_.


  THE CONSTRUCTION OF ADVERBS.

En and ecce, adverbs of showing, are joined most commonly to a
nominative case, to an accusative case but seldom, as

  En Romanus: See the Roman (q. rum-un.)

  Ecce Corinthium: Behold the Corinthian.

Modern Corinthians, we fear, know but little Greek, except that of the
AEgidiac, or St. Giles's dialect.

En and ecce, adverbs of upbraiding, are joined most commonly to an
accusative case only, as--

  En togam squamosam!

  Look at his scaly toga!

  Ecce caudam! Twig his tail!

    [Illustration]

    [Plate:
    DOMESTIC ELOCUTION
    "MY NAME IS NORVAL ON THE GRAMPIAN HILLS"]

Certain adverbs of time, place, and quantity, admit a genitive case, as

  Ubi gentium est Quadra Russelliana?

  Where in the world is Russell Square?

We must confess that this question is _exquisitely_ absurd.

  Nihil tunc temporis amplius quam flere poteram:

  I could do nothing more at that time than weep.

Talking of weeping-- how odd it is that an affectionate wife should cry
when her husband is _transported_ for life.

  Satis eloquentiae, sapientiae parum:

  Eloquence enough, wisdom little enough.

This quotation applies very forcibly to domestic oratory as practised by
small boys at the instigation of their mamma, for the _amusement_ of
visitors. Those on whom "little bird with boothom wed," "deep _in_ the
windingths _of_ a whale," or "my name is Nawval," and the like
recitations are inflicted, have "satis eloquentiae"-- enough of
eloquence, in all conscience; and we cannot but think that "sapientiae
parum," "wisdom little enough" is displayed by all the other parties
concerned.

Some adverbs admit the cases of the nouns from which they are derived,
as

  Juvenis benevolus sibi inutiliter vivit:

  The good-natured young man lives unprofitably to himself--

Especially if he have a large circle of female acquaintance.

These adverbs of diversity, aliter, otherwise, and secus, otherwise; and
these two, ante, before, and post, after, are often joined to an
ablative case, as--

  Plure aliter.  More t'other.

  Multo ante.    Much before.

  Paulo post.    Little behind.

    [Illustration]

Those who are much _before_, are guilty of a great _waste_-- of time;
and those who are little behind should make it up by a _bustle_.

Instar, like or equal to, and ergo, for the sake of, being taken as
adverbs, have a genitive case after them, as--

  Instar montis equum divina Palladis arte
  AEdificant:

  By the divine assistance of Pallas they build a horse
  as big as a mountain.

This may appear incredible; yet the learned Munchausenius relates
prodigies much more astonishing.

  Mentitur Virgilius leporis ergo:

  Virgil tells lies for fun.

As may be sufficiently seen in the example before the last, and also in
the sixth book of the AEneid, passim.


  THE CONSTRUCTION OF CONJUNCTIONS.

Conjunctions copulative and disjunctive, couple like cases, moods, and
tenses, as

  Socrates docuit Xenophontem et Platonem geographiam, astronomiam,
  et rationem globorum:

  Socrates taught Xenophon and Plato geography, astronomy,
  and the use of the globes.

_Q._ How may a waterman answer the polite interrogation "Who are you?"
correctly, and designate at the same time, an educational institution.

_A._ By saying A-cad-am-I.

The foregoing rule (not riddle) holds good, unless the reason of a
different construction requires it should be otherwise, as

  Emi librum centussi et pluris:

  I bought a book for a hundred pence, and more,
    "100d. are 8s. 4d." --Walkinghame.

The conjunction, quam, than, is often understood after amplius, more,
plus, more, and minus, less, as

  Amplius sunt sex menses:

  There are more than six months.

For this interesting piece of information we are indebted to Cicero. The
author to whom reference has just been made, has somewhere, if we
mistake not, a similar observation. In thus _ushering_ the _Tutor's_
Assistant into notice, we feel that we are citing a work of which it is
impossible to make too comical mention.

Thank goodness there are not more than six months in a half year!


  TO WHAT MOODS OF VERBS CERTAIN ADVERBS
  AND CONJUNCTIONS DO AGREE.

Ne, an, num, whether put doubtfully or indefinitely, are joined to a
subjunctive mood, as--

  Nihil refert fecerisne an persuaseris:

  It matters nothing whether you have done it or persuaded to it--

as the school-master said when he got hold of the wrong end of the cane.

Here it may be remarked-- First, that the young gentlemen who play
tricks with _tallow_ are likely to get more _whacks_ than they like on
their fingers. Secondly-- That a master whose hand is in _Grease_ cannot
be expected to be at the same time in _A-merry-key_.

Dum, for dummodo, so that, and quousque, until, requires a subjunctive
mood, as--

  Dum felix sis, quid refert?

  What's the odds, so long as you're happy.

Qui, signifying the cause, requires a subjunctive mood, as

  Stultus es qui Ovidio credas:

  You are a fool for believing Ovid.

Ut, for, postquam, after that, sicut, as, and quomodo, how, is joined to
an indicative mood; but when it signifies quanquam, although, utpote,
forasmuch as, or the final cause, to a subjunctive mood, as

  Ut sumus in Ponto ter frigore constitit Ister:

  Since that we are in Pontus the Danube has stood frozen three times.

Were skating and sliding classical accomplishments? Ambition, we know,
led many of the Romans to tread on _slippery_ ground: many of them
struck out new paths, but none (that we have heard of) ever struck out a
slide. Imagine Cato or Seneca "coming the cobbler's knock."

  Te oro, domine, ut exeam:

  Please, sir, let me go out.

Lastly, all words put indefinitely, such as are these, quis, who,
quantus, how great, quotus, how many, require a subjunctive mood, as

  Cave cui incurras, inepte:

  Mind who you run against, stupid.

    [Illustration]

Such may have been the speech of a Roman cabman. A very curious specimen
of the _tessera_, or badge, worn on the breast by this description of
persons, has lately been discovered at Herculaneum.

    [Illustration]


  THE CONSTRUCTION OF PREPOSITIONS.

A preposition being understood, sometimes causes an ablative case to be
added, as

  Habeo pigneratorem loco avunculi; _i.e._ in loco:

  I esteem a pawnbroker in the place of an uncle: that is, _in loco_.

A preposition in composition sometimes governs the same case which it
also governed out of composition, as

  Jupiter Olympo Vulcanum calce exegit:

  Jupiter kicked Vulcan out of Olympus.

This was not only an ungentlemanly, but also an _ungodly_ act on
Jupiter's part. Reasoning a posteriori, one would think it must have
been very unpleasant to Vulcan.

  Praeteriit me in Quadrante insalutatum:

  He cut me in the Quadrant.

Verbs compounded with a, ab, de, e, ex, in, sometimes repeat the same
prepositions with their case out of composition, and that elegantly, as

  Abstinuerunt a vino:

  They abstained from wine.

This properly is an allusion to the Tiber-totallers. It should be
remembered that tea was unknown in Rome, except as the accusative case
of a pronoun.

In, for, erga, towards, contra, against, ad, to, and supra, above,
requires an accusative case, as

                Quietum
  Accipit in pueros animum mentemque benignam:

  He admits kind thoughts and inclinations towards the boys.

The master does-- when he gives them a half holiday or a blow out. Mr.
Squeers (vide Nicholas Nick: illustriss. Boz.) was in the habit of
_making much_ of the young gentlemen intrusted to his care.

Sub, when it relates to time, is commonly joined to an accusative case,
as

  Sub idem tempus-- Isaaculus trans maria deportatus est:

  About the same time-- Ikey was transported beyond the seas.

We say _beyond the seas_, lest it should be questioned whether Mr. I.
was _transported_ as a necessary or contingent consequence of cheating.

Super, for, ultra, beyond, is put with an accusative case, for de,
concerning, with an ablative case, as

      Super et Garamantas et Indos
  Proferet imperium:

  He will extend the empire both beyond the Africans and the Indians.

A wide _rule_ expressed in poetical _measure_.

  Quid de domesticis Peruviorum rebus censeas?

  What may be your opinion concerning the domestic economy
  of the Peruvians?

Tenus, as far as, is joined to an ablative case, both in the singular
and plural number, as

  Cervice, auribusque tenus Marius in luto inveniebatur:

  Marius was found up to his neck and ears in mud.

What a lark! or rather a mud lark. But tenus is joined to a genitive
only in the plural, and it always follows its case, as

  Crurum tenus:  up to the _legs_.

Which it is very necessary to be at Epsom and Ascot.


  THE CONSTRUCTION OF INTERJECTIONS.

Interjections are often put without a case, as

  Spem gregis, ah! silice in nuda connixa reliquit:

  Having yearned, she left the hope of the flock, alas!
  upon the bare flint stones.

And exposed to the _steely_-hearted world, which, as an Irishman
remarked, was a dangerous situation for _tinder_ infancy. It must have
been, to say the least, a most uncomfortable _berth_.

O! of one exclaiming, is joined to a nominative, accusative, and
vocative case, as

  O lex! Oh law! O alaudas! Oh larks! Oh meum! Oh my!
  O care! Oh dear!

We cannot find out what is Latin for oh Crikey!

Heu! and proh! alas! are joined, sometimes to a nominative, sometimes to
an accusative, and occasionally to a vocative case, as-- Heu bellis!
Lack-a-_daisy_. Heu diem! Lack-a-_day_. Proh Clamor! Oh _cry_! Proh deos
pisciculosque! Oh, ye gods and little fishes!

  Heu miserande puer!

  Oh, boy, to be pitied!

What boy is more to be pitied than a junior boy? The _Fagin_ system
described in Oliver Twist is nothing compared to that adopted in public
schools. People may say what they will of the beneficial effect which it
produces on the minds of those who are subjected to it-- we contend that
to breed a gentleman's son up like a _tiger_ is the readiest way to make
a _beast_ of him.

Hei! and vae! alas, are joined to a dative case, as

  Hei mihi quod nullis amor est medicabilis herbis:

  Woe is me that love is curable by no herbs.

    [Plate:
    HEU! MISERANDE PUER!]

Ovid never would have said that, if he had smoked a cigar or chewed
tobacco. The ancients believed that love might be excited by certain
articles taken from the vegetable kingdom. Why then should it be
considered impossible to allay the same feeling in a similar manner?
Every bane has its corresponding antidote; if so, there may be physic
even for a philter. And for the pangs which a _virgin_ has inflicted,
what remedy could be prescribed more reasonable than the _Virginian_
weed;-- besides, love generally ends in smoke.

    [Illustration: A CURE FOR THE HEARTACHE.]

  Vae misero capiti, madefacto, saepe fenestrae
  Imbribus immundis, Lydia cara, tuae:

  Woe to my wretched head, often wetted, dear
  Lydia, by the unclean showers of your window.

This would be a proper place for introducing a few remarks on the
ancient mode of serenading; which we are prevented from doing by the
very imperfect state of our present information on this interesting
point. It is, however, pretty generally admitted that the Romans always
took care to provide themselves with an umbrella on these occasions,
and this for a reason which the above distich will have rendered
sufficiently obvious. It appears to us that so salutary a precaution is
well worthy of being sometimes adopted in these modern days-- and with
this hint we conclude the Syntax.


+PROSODY.+

[Transcriber's Note:

As explained at the beginning of the e-text, vowels with macron ("long"
mark) are shown as CAPITALS, while vowels with breve ("short" mark) are
shown in {braces}. Long vowels that are already capitalized (very rare)
are shown in [brackets].]

  All you that bards of note would be,
  Must study well your Prosody.

As Comparative Anatomy teaches what the sound of a cod-fish is; so
Prosody teaches what is the sound of syllables.

Sound and quantity mean the same thing; though how that fact is to be
reconciled with the proverb, "great _cry_ and little _wool_," we do not
know.

Prosody is divided into three parts. Tone, Breathing, and Time. As to
tone-- boys are usually required to repeat it in a loud one, without
stammering or drawling; and with as little breathing and time, or
breathing-time, as possible.

We shall leave tone to the consideration of pianoforte and
fiddle-makers; and breathing to doctors and chemists, who can _analyze_
it a great deal better than we can. In this place we think proper to
treat only of Time.

Now of Time a very great deal may be said, taking the word in all the
senses in which it is capable of being used.

In the first place, Time flies-- but this we have had occasion to
observe before; as also that Time is a very great eater.

In the second, Time is a very ill-used personage; he is spent, wasted,
lost, kicked down, and killed-- the last as often as an Irishman is--
but for all that he never complains.

It is a question whether keeping Time, or losing Time, is the essential
characteristic of dancing.

Then we might expatiate largely about the value of Time, and of the
propriety of taking him by the forelock-- but for two reasons.

One of them is, that all this has been said long ago; the other, that it
is nothing at all to the purpose.

We might also quote extensively from Dr. Culpeper's Herbal, and from
Linnaeus and Jussieu; but the _time_ we speak of, (although we hope it
will be _twigged_ by the reader,) is no _plant_; nevertheless it is a
necessary ingredient in grammatical _stuffing_.

Time in prosody is the measure of the pronouncing of a syllable.

Like whist, it is divided into Long and Short. A long time is marked
thus, as sUmEns, taking: a short time thus; as p{i}l{u}l{a}, a pill.

A foot is the placing together of two or more syllables, according to
the certain observation of their _time_, the organ of which should be
well developed for that purpose.

Ordinary feet are long feet, short feet, broad feet, splay feet, club
feet, and bumble feet, to which may be added cloven feet in the case of
certain animals, and an "old gentleman."

There are several kinds of Latin feet; here, however, we shall only
notice spondees and dactyls.

A spondee is a foot of two syllables, as InfAns, an infant.

A dactyl is a foot of three syllables, as Ang{e}l{u}s, an angel,
pOrc{u}l{u}s, a little pig.

Scanning is measuring a verse as you are measured by your tailor-- by
the _foot_, according to _rule_. To scanning there belong the figures
called Synal[oe]pha, Ecthlipsis, Synaeresis, Diaeresis, and Caesura.

Synal[oe]pha is the cutting off a vowel at the end of a word, before
another at the beginning of the next; as

  [O]cclUsIs EvAsi {o}c{u}lIs nAsOqu{e} cruEntO:

  I came off with my eyes bunged up and a bloody nose.

We have here _knocked out an i_ in evasi, on the strength of a
synal[oe]pha.

But heu and o are never cut off-- at least there are no cases on record
in which this operation has been performed.

Ecthlipsis is as often as the letter m is cut off with its vowel; the
next word beginning with a vowel, as

  MOnstrum hOrrEndum InfOrme IngEns-- spectAv{i}m{u}s hOrtIs:

  We saw a horrible, ugly, great monster in the gardens.

If every _bear_ and _boar_ were kept in a den-- what a fine world this
would be.

Synaeresis is the contraction of two syllables into one, as in alvearia,
pronounced alvaria.

  StrAv{i}t h{u}mI dEmEns cOnfErta AlveAr{i}{a} JUnO:

  Mad Juno threw the crowded beehives on the ground.

Hydrophobia occurring in a queen bee from the bite of a dog would be an
interesting case to the faculty.

Diaeresis is the separation of one syllable into two, as evoluisse for
evolvisse. Thus Ovid says, alluding probably to the _padding_ system
adopted by dandies and theatrical artists,

  DEb{u}{e}rant fUsOs Ev{o}l{u}Iss{e} s{u}Os:

  They ought to have unwound their _spindles_.

Caesura is when after a perfect foot (though not one like Taglioni's),
a short syllable is made long at the end of a word, as

  PEct{o}r{i}bUs {i}nh{i}Ans-- mOllEs, En, dEs{e}r{i}t AlAs:

  Intent upon the breasts (of the fowls) lo! he deserts
  the tender wings.


  OF THE KINDS OF VERSES.

Should any one seek here for an account of every kind of verse used by
the Latin poets, all we can say is-- we wish he may get it. As it
behoveth no one to be wiser than the law, so it behoveth not us to be
wiser than the Eton Grammar.

The verses which boys are commonly taught to make are hexameters and
pentameters.

An hexameter verse consists of six feet. As the ancient heroes were at
least six feet high, this is probably the reason why it is also called
an _heroic_ verse.

The fifth foot in this kind of verse should be a dactyl, the sixth a
spondee; the other feet may be either dactyls or spondees; as

  [O]bstAntI pl{u}v{i}Is vEnIt cUm tEgm{i}n{e} <DW71>:

  <DW71> came with his Macintosh.

The fifth foot also is sometimes a spondee, as

  ClAv{i}g{e}r [A]lcIdEs, mAgnUm J{o}v{i}s IncrEmEntUm.

  Hercules, king of clubs, great offspring of Jupiter.

The last syllable of every verse is a _common_ affair.

An elegiac, lack-a-daisical, or pentameter verse, consists of four feet
and two long syllables, one of which is placed between the second and
third foot, and the other at the end of the verse. The two first feet
may be dactyls, spondees, or both; the two last are always dactyls, as

  REs Est InfElIx, plEn{a}qu{e} frAud{i}s {a}mOr:

  Love is an unlucky affair, and full of humbug.

We feel compelled, notwithstanding what has been before said, to make a
few additions to what is contained in the Eton Grammar with respect to
verses.

The rhythm of Latin verses may be easily learned by practising (out of
school), exercises on the principle of the examples following--

  DUm d{i}dl{e}, dI dUm, dUm dUm, dEedl{e}dy, dEEdl{e} d{e}, dUm dum;
    DUm d{i}dl{e}, dUm dum, dE, dEedl{e}d{y}, dEedl{e}d{y}, dUm.

N.B. The following familiar piece of poetry would not have been admitted
into the Comic Latin Grammar, but that there being many various readings
of it, we wished to transmit the right one to posterity.

  Patres conscripti-- took a boat and went to Philippi.
  Trumpeter unus erat qui coatum scarlet habebat,
  Stormum surgebat, et boatum overset-ebat,
  Omnes drownerunt, quia swimaway non potuerunt,
  Excipe John Periwig tied up to the tail of a dead pig.

Here, also, this poetical curiosity may perhaps be properly introduced.

  Conturbabantur Constantinopolitani,
    Innumerabilibus sollicitudinibus.


  OF THE QUANTITY OF THE FIRST SYLLABLE.

There is a river in Macedon and a river in Monmouth: in like manner
there are positions in dancing and positions in Prosody.

The following vowels are long by position.

1. A vowel before two consonants, or before a double consonant in the
same word-- as pInguis, fat, Ingens, great, [A]jax, the name of a hero.

2. A vowel coming before one consonant at the end of a word, and another
at the beginning of the next, as

  MajOr sUm quAm cui possIt tua virga nocere:

  I'm a bigger boy than your rod is able to hurt.

The syllables _jor_, _sum_, _quam_, and _sit_, are long by position.

    [Plate:
    PATRES CONSCRIPTI TOOK A BOAT AND WENT TO PHILIPPI
    TRUMPETER UNUS ERAT QUI COATUM SCARLET HABEBAT.]

3. Sometimes, but seldom, a short vowel at the end of a word placed
before two consonants at the beginning of the next; as

  OccultA spolia hi Croceo de Colle ferebant:

  These persons brought the secret spoils from Saffron Hill.

A _short_ vowel before a mute, a liquid following, is rendered common,
as in the word _patris_.

  Sunt quibus ornatur Jenkins femoralia pAtris:

  The breeches that Jenkins is rigged out in are his father's.

A vowel before another is always short, as t{u}a, thy, memor{i}a, memory.

Except the genitive cases of pronouns in ius, where the i is a common i,
although alter{i}us has always a short _i_ and alIus a long _i_.

Except, likewise, those genitive and dative cases of the fifth
declension where the vowel _e_, like Punch's nose, is made long between
two _i_'s, as faciEi, of a face.

    [Illustration]

The syllable _fi_ also in fIo is long, except e and r follow together,
as f{i}erem, f{i}eri.

  FIent quae "F{i}eri Facias" mandata vocantur:

  The writ which is called "Fieri Facias" will be made.

Fi. fa. is a legal instrument that deprives a poor man of his mattress
that a rich one may lounge on his ottoman. Ca. Sa. is a similar
benevolent contrivance for punishing misfortune as felony.

DIus, heavenly, has the first syllable long;-- Diana, common: and so has
the interjection Ohe!

  Thus there's a common medium of connexion,
  Between a goddess and an interjection.

A vowel before another in Greek words is sometimes long, as

  Caerula, PIerides, sunt vobis tegmina crurum:

  Oh, Muses, your stockings are blue.

Also in Greek possessives, as

  Somniculosa fuit, pinguisque AEnEia nutrix:

  AEneas's nurse was sleepy and fat.

AEneas has often enough been represented in _arms_.

  In Latin mark, that every dipthong
  'S as long as any stage-coach whip-thong;
  Except before a vowel it goes,
  When 'tis as short as Elsler's clothes.

Words derived from others are tarred with the same stick, that is, are
assigned the same quantity as those which they are derived from, with
some few exceptions, which we must trouble the student to fish for.

Compounds follow the quantity of their simple words, as from l{e}go
l{e}gis, to read, comes perl{e}go, to read through.

By the way, _reading_ does not always induce _reading through_; though
we hope it may in the case of the C. L. G.

  If to a preterperfect tense belong
  Two only syllables, the first is long;
  As vEni, vIdi, vIci, speech so cool.
  Which Caesar made to illustrate our rule;
  To which we need not cite exceptions small.
  Look in your Gradus and you'll find them all.

Consult also the Eton Grammar, and works of the poets, passim, as well
for exceptions to the above as to the two following rules:

1. Words that double the first syllable of the preterperfect tense have
the first syllable short-- as c{e}c{i}dI from c{a}d{o}, &c.

  Fortis Higinbottom c{e}cidit terramque m{o}mordit:

  Brave Higinbottom fell and bit the ground.

2. A supine of two syllables has the first syllable long--

  As vIsum lAtum lOtum mOtum:

  And many more if we could quote 'em.


  OF THE QUANTITY OF THE LAST SYLLABLE.

We have had a poetical fit gradually growing upon us for some time--
'tis of no use to resist-- so here goes--

  Oh! Muse, thine aid afford to me,
  Inspire my Ideality;
  Thou who, benign, in days of yore,
  Didst heavenly inspiration pour
  On him, who luckily for us
  Sang Propria Quae Maribus;
  Teach me to sound on quiv'ring lyre,
  Prosodial strains in notes of fire;
  Words' ends shall be my theme sublime,
  Now first descanted on in rhyme.
    Come, little boys, attention lend,
  All words are long in a that end:
  (In proof of which I'll bet a quart,)
  Excepting those which must be short--
  As put{a}, it{a}, poste{a}, qui{a},
  Ej{a}, and every case in i{a};
  Or _a_, save such as we must class
  With Grecian vocatives in as,
  And ablatives of first declension--
  Besides the aforesaid, we may mention
  Nouns numeral that end in ginta,
  Which common, as a bit of flint are.
    Some terminate in _b_, _d_, _t_;
  All these are short; but those in _c_
  Form toes-- I mean, form ends of feet
  As long-- as long as Oxford Street.
  Though n{e}c and don{e}c every bard
  Hath written short as Hanway yard,
  Fac, hic, and hoc are common, though
  Th' ablative hOc is long you know.
    Now "_e_ finita" short are reckon'd,
  Like to a jiffey or a second,
  Though we must call the _Gradus_ wrong,
  Or these, of fifth declension, long.
  As also particles that come
  In mode derivative therefrom.
  Long second persons singular
  Of second conjugation are,
  And monosyllables in _e_.
  Take, for example, mE, tE, sE,
  Then, too, adverbial adjectives
  Are long as rich old women's lives--
  If from the second declination
  Of adjectives they've derivation:
  PulchrE and doctE, are the kind
  Of adverbs that I have in mind.
  FermE is long, and ferE also--
  Ben{e}, and mal{e}, not at all so.
  Lastly, each final _eta_ Greek,
  Is long on all days of the week--
  To wit-- (for thus we render nempe)
  LethE, AnchisE, cetE, TempE.
    Those words as long we classify
  Which end, like _egotists_, in _i_,
  Rememb'ring mihi, tibi, sibi
  Are common, so are ubi, ibi;
  Nis{i} is always short, and quas{i}'s
  Short also, so are certain cases
  In i-- Greek vocatives and datives
  (At least if we may trust the natives;)
  Making their genitives in os,
  For instance-- Phyllis, Phyllidos.
  (A name oft utter'd with a sigh,)
  Whereof the dative ends in {i}.
    Words in _l_ ending short are all,
  Save nIl for nihil, sAl, and sOl,
  And some few Hebrew words t'were well
  To cite; as MichaEl, RaphaEl.
    Your n's are long, save forsit{a}n
  {I}n, tam{e}n, attam{e}n, and {a}n
  Veruntam{e}n and fors{a}n, which
  Are short as any tailor's stitch;
  These, therefore, we except, and then
  Contractions "per apocopen"--
  As vid{e}n'? m{e}n'? and aud{i}n?-- so in
  Ex{i}n' and sub{i}n', de{i}n', pro{i}n'.
  _An_, from a nominative in _a_
  Ending a word is short, they say,
  But every _an_ for long must pass
  Derived from nominative in as.
  Nouns, too, in en are short whose finis
  Doth in the genitive make _inis_.
  And so are n's that do delight {i}n
  An _i_ and _y_-- Alex{i}n, It{y}n.
    Greek words are short I'd have you know,
  That end in _on_ with little _o_,
  Common are terminating o's,
  Cases oblique except from those,
  Adverbial adjectives as falsO
  Are long,-- take tantO,-- quantO also;
  Save mutuo, sedulo, and crebro.
  Common as vestment vending Hebrew.
  Mod{o} and quomod{o} among
  Short o's we rank-- nor to be long.
  Nor cit{o}, eg{o}, du{o}; no nor
  Amb{o} and Hom{o} ever prone are;
  But monosyllables in _o_,
  Are counted long. Example-- stO.
  And omega, the whole world over,
  'S as long as 'tis from here to Dover.
    If _r_ should chance a word to wind up,
  'Tis short in general, make your mind up;
  But fAr, lAr, nAr, and vIr, and fUr
  PAr, compAr, impAr, dispAr, cUr,
  As long must needs be cited here,
  With words from Greek that end in er;
  Though '<DW41> the Latins from this fate are
  These two exempted-- pat{e}r, mat{e}r;
  Short in the final _er_ we state 'em,
  Namely, "auctoritate vatum."
    Now, s, the Eton Grammar says,
  Ends words in just as many ways
  As there are vowels-- five-- as thus
  In order, _as_, _es_, _is_, _os_, _us_.
    As, in a general way appears
  Long unto all but asses' ears,
  But some Greek words take care to mark as
  Short,-- for example-- Pall{a}s, Arc{a}s--
  And nouns increasing plural sport
  An _as_ accusative that's short.
    Es in the main's a long affair,
  AnchisEs, such, and patrEs are,
  Though of the third declension you
  As short such substantives must view,
  The genitives of which increase,
  Derived from nominatives in es,
  And have an accent short upon
  The syllable that's last but one.
  As mil{e}s, seg{e}s, <DW37>{e}s, (which
  Means what a Poet is n't,)-- rich:
  But pEs is long, with bipEs, tripEs,
  Like to a hermit munching dry pease.
  To these add CerEs, Saturn's cub,
  (Name of a goddess, and for grub
  The figure Metonymy through,)
  And ariEs, abiEs, pariEs, too.
  Sum with its compounds forming {e}s,    }
  Are short, join pen{e}s, if you please, }
  Item Cyclop{e}s Naiad{e}s.                }
  Greek nominatives and plural neuters,
  For lists of which consult your tutors.
    Is, we call short, as Par{i}s, trist{i}s,
  Save all such words as mensIs, istIs.
  Plurals oblique that end in _is_,
  Adding thereto for quibus quIs.
  The _is_ in SamnIs long by right is
  Because its genitive's SamnItis,
  Where you observe a lengthened state
  Of syllable penultimate.
  The same to all such words applies,
  And Is contracted, meaning _eis_,
  Long too,-- and pray remember this
  Are monosyllables in _is_.
  Save {i}s the nominative pronoun,
  And qu{i}s, and b{i}s, which last is no noun.
    When verbs by _is_ concluded are,
  In second person singular;
  But in the plural _itis_ make,
  The _is_ is long, and no mistake--
  Provided always that the pe-
  Nultimate plural long shall be.
    Os, saving comp{o}s, imp{o}s, {o}s
  Is long-- as honOs dominOs.
  The Greek omicron 's short, and that in
  All conscience must be so in Latin.
    Words should be short in _us_, unless
  Authority has laid a stress
  On the penultimate of any
  Word that increases in the geni-
  Tive case when us is long, the same
  Pronunciation nouns may claim--
  Declined like gradUs or like manUs
  Though here exceptions still detain us.
  The first case and the fifth are those
  Singular; short as monkey's nose.
  Long are mUs, crUs, and thUs and sUs
  All monosyllables in Us,
  And Grecian nouns by diphthong _ous_,
  Translated _us_ by men of _nous_.
    Lastly, all words in _u_ are long,
  And so we end our classic song.

And not our song only, but our work-- the companion of our solitude--
the object of our cares-- for which alone we live, for which we consumed
our midnight oil; and not only that, but also burnt a great deal of
daylight.-- Our work, we say, is ended-- and such as it is we commit it
to the world. Horace says Carm. Lib. iii, Ode XXX. (an ode which by some
strange association of ideas, is always connected in our mind with the
visionary image of a jug of ale,) "Exegi monumentum aere perennius,"
I have perfected a work more durable than brass. Whether our production
is characterized by the _durability_ of that metal or not, is a question
which we leave to the decision of posterity; we cannot, however, help
thinking that, considering the boldness of our attempt, it possesses
figuratively at least, something in common with the substance in
question-- and we would fain hope that that something does not consist
in _hardness_.

And now farewell to the reader-- farewell, "a word that must be and hath
been"-- said a great many times when once would have been quite
sufficient. We need not, therefore, repeat it; nor need we say how much
we hope that we have amused, instructed him, and so forth; that being as
much an understood thing to put at the end of a book, as "Love to papa,
mamma, brothers and sisters," in a holiday letter.

Nothing, then, remains for us now to do, but to kick up our hat and cry

"ALL OVER."


  FINIS




LIST OF ETCHINGS.


1. Vocative case (schoolmaster spatting a boy) _to face page_ 2.

2. Schoolmaster beating a drum, and boys singing in chorus, text
damaged, 22

3. Ingenuas pugni didicisse fideliter artes (fight)   52

4. Prometheus Vinctus (vagabond in the stocks)   72

5. Smelling a Pig (boys at supper in the bed room)   74

6. Domestic Oratory (small boy spouting in a chair)  135

7. Heu miserande Puer (boy tossed in a blanket)   144

8. Patres conscripti   152


Coe, Printer, 27, Old Change, St. Paul's.


       *       *       *       *       *
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  +MARMION;
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  Engravings.

  +LAY
  OF THE LAST MINSTREL.+
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  +ILLUSTRATIONS OF THE BIBLE.+

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  +THE AUTHORS OF ENGLAND,+
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       *       *       *       *       *

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  3. +HERVEY'S MEDITATIONS.+
  4. +GOLDSMITH'S MISCELLANEOUS WORKS.+

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  +THE COMIC LATIN GRAMMAR;+
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       *       *       *       *       *

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       *       *       *       *       *

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  * GEMS OF AMERICAN WIT AND ANECDOTE.
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  * ---------------------- Falconer to Campbell.
  * ---------------------- Living Authors.
  * ---------------------- Sacred.
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  * SHAKSPEARE'S WORKS. 8 vols., 53 Plates.
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  +SCOTT'S POETICAL WORKS,+
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       *       *       *       *       *

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  +THE COMIC ALMANACK+

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  +THE LOVING BALLAD OF LORD BATEMAN,+
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  +MY SKETCH BOOK;+
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  +THE COMIC ALPHABET:+
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  +SCRAPS AND SKETCHES:+
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  +ILLUSTRATIONS OF PHRENOLOGY.+
  +ILLUSTRATIONS OF TIME.+
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  +DEMONOLOGY AND WITCHCRAFT;+
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  +ILLUSTRATIONS OF THE ENGLISH NOVELISTS;+
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  +THE BEE AND THE WASP;+
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  +HOOD'S EPPING HUNT.+
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  +COWPER'S JOHN GILPIN;+
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       *       *       *       *       *

USEFUL WORKS.


  In a handsome volume, foolscap 8vo, price 5s.,
  +THE YEAR-BOOK OF FACTS, 1840.+

Exhibiting the most important Discoveries and Improvements in Science
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  Mechanics.
  Natural Philosophy.
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  Chemistry.
  Zoology.
  Botany.
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  By the Editor of "The Arcana of Science."

"To bring _Facts_ together, so as to enable us to grasp with new and
greater generalisations." --_Professor Sedgwick_.

  (_Will appear early in January._)


  +GLOSSARY OF ARCHITECTURE;+

Containing Explanations of the Terms used in Grecian, Roman, Italian,
and Gothic Architecture. Exemplified by many hundred Woodcuts. Third
edition, greatly enlarged.


  Stuart's Athens.
  +THE ANTIQUITIES OF ATHENS,+
  and Other Monuments of Greece;

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  +ETIQUETTE FOR THE LADIES;+

Eighty Maxims on Dress, Manners, and Accomplishments. Seventeenth
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  +ETIQUETTE FOR GENTLEMEN;+

With Hints on the Art of Conversation. Tenth Edition. Price 1s. cloth,
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  +THE HAND-BOOK OF PHRENOLOGY;+

Familiarly explaining its Principles, with a Map of the Organs, and
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  +700 DOMESTIC HINTS+
  in Every Branch of Family Management.

By A LADY. Foolscap 8vo, 2s. 6d. cloth.


  +A TREATISE ON DIET AND REGIMEN;+

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       *       *       *       *       *

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  +WINKLES'S BRITISH CATHEDRALS.+
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  Originally published at 2l. 2s.; reduced to 24s.
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  +WINKLES'S FRENCH CATHEDRALS.+
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From Drawings by R. GARLAND, with Historical and Descriptive accounts,
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  +THE ENGLISH SCHOOL;+

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  Originally published at 3l. 3s.; reduced to 21s.


  +ILLUSTRATIONS OF SCOTT'S WORKS.+

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Eighty fine Views of real Scenes described in these popular Tales,
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  +LIBRARY OF ANECDOTE;+

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  +MARTIN'S ILLUSTRATIONS OF THE BIBLE.+

Consisting of Twenty large and magnificent Plates, designed and engraved
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volume, cloth.

  Originally published at 10l. 10s.; reduced to 3l. 3s.
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  +MILTON'S PARADISE LOST;+
  Illustrated by John Martin.

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  +SINGER'S EDITION OF SHAKSPEARE,+

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  Originally published at 4l. 4s.; reduced to 2l.


  +WILD'S ENGLISH CATHEDRALS;+

Twelve select Examples of the Ecclesiastical Architecture of the Middle
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  Originally published at 12l. 12s.; reduced to 5l. 5s.


  +LEKEUX'S
  ILLUSTRATIONS OF NATURAL HISTORY;+

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cloth.

  Originally published at 1l. 1s.; reduced to 9s. 6d.


  +PUCKLE'S CLUB;
  OR, A GREY CAP FOR A GREEN HEAD.+

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*** This very curious book is illustrated with numerous and
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  +ADDISON'S ESSAYS;+
  from The Spectator.

  Two neat volumes, cloth. Published at 8s.; reduced to 4s. 6d.


  +CARICATURE SCRAP-BOOK,+
  by H. Heath.

Containing many Hundred laughable and amusing Groups, illustrative of
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  Published at 28s.; reduced to 18s.


  CHARLES TILT, 86, FLEET STREET.

  Bradbury & Evans,]  [Printers, Whitefriars


       *       *       *       *       *
           *       *       *       *
       *       *       *       *       *


Errors and Inconsistencies (noted by transcriber):

_General Notes and Non-Errors:_

The _Eton Grammar_ began in the first half of the 16th century as the
_Brevissima Institutio_, later _Rudimenta Grammatices_, by William Lily,
Lilly or Lilye (d. 1522). A 1758 revision acquired the name _Eton Latin
Grammar_. The headers _Propria quae maribus_ and _As in Praesenti_ are
from this book, as is the line "Cum multis aliis quae nunc perscribere
longum est".

  If than _is_, _er_, and _or_, it hath many more enders
    [_i.e. "many more than..."_]
  qui, who or what, and cujas, of what country.
    [_uncommon word: not a misprint for "cujus"_]
  always recals this beautiful line of Ovid's  [_archaic spelling_]
  some well-disposed sailor in a melodrame  [_archaic spelling_]
  Malo a cive spoliari quam ab hoste venire.
    [_that is, "vEnire" with long "e"_]
  Having yeaned, she left the hope of the flock  [_archaic word_]
  OF THE QUANTITY OF THE FIRST SYLLABLE.  [_"first" = non-final_]

  Ingens, great, [A]jax, the name of a hero
    [_Both syllables in "Ajax" are long. Here, the "j" is to be
    pronounced as a "double letter" (technically an affricate) as in
    English._]
  alter{i}us has always a short _i_ and alIus a long _i_
    [_The "i" in "alterius" is conventionally shortened in poetry to
    accommodate the metre._]


_Introduction_

  it shall be candid.  [is shall]
  writing in conformity with  [comformity]
  And more especially is praise due  [epecially]

_Grammar_

  ... venenum, poison; are examples of substantives  [posion]
  The butcher lays thee low,  [the]
  Thus the Comic Latin Grammar is lepidissimus, funniest  [lipidissimus]
  it has not _different persons_, as taedet, it irketh  [taedat]
  the magging or talkative mood
    [_probably error for "nagging"_]
  Amavissem, I should have loved  [Amivissem]
  Amandum, to love, if you 're doom'd, have a care.  [you 'r]
  Ab, ad, ante, &c. prepositions.
    [_printed as shown: missing "are"?_]
  From neco, necui, and mico, word
    [_printed as shown: missing "a" ("a word")?_]
  And (which perhaps is the most pursuasive argument of all)
    [_spelling unchanged_]
  illum librum quae Latina Grammatices et Comica dicitur
    [_printed as shown: superfluous "et"?_]
  THE CONSTRUCTION OF NOUNS ADJECTIVE.  [ADJECTVE]
  it was suggested by the well-known quality  [well-know]
  the discoveries of their countryman Franklin  [countrymen]
  Arbor gummifera, alta mille et quingentis passibus  [gumnifera]
  Adjectives and substantives govern an ablative case  [subsantives]
  Oft in slumber's deep recesses,  [slumbers]
  By so much the ugliest, by how much the wisest  [must]
  whereas an imposition is a task  [as imposition]
  each other's charms and accomplishments  [others]
  the pledges were placed  [where]
  Instar montis equum divina Palladis arte  [Paladis]
  they build a horse as big as a mountain.  [house]

  nAsOqu{e} cruEntO  [_breve printed over "u" in "nasoque"_]
  ClAv{i}g{e}r [A]lcIdEs, mAgnUm J{o}v{i}s IncrEmEntUm.
    [_missing breve on "i" in "claviger"]
  REs Est InfElIx, plEn{a}qu{e} frAud{i}s {a}mOr
    [_missing macron on "e" in "infelix"]
  In Latin mark, that every dipthong
    [_normally spelled "diphthong", but may be intentional
    for rhyme with "whip-thong"_]
  And so are n's that do delight {i}n
    [_breve printed over "e" in "delight" instead of "i" in "in"_]
  Short in the final _er_ we state 'em,  [state em,]
  Long unto all but asses' ears,  [asses ears,]
  And qu{i}s, and b{i}s, which last is no noun
    [_breve printed over "u" in "quis"_]

_List of Etchings_

Here and in the Advertising section, a facing pair of pages was damaged.
Missing text was supplied from elsewhere in the book. The missing parts
are shown in {braces}.

  2. Schoolmaster beating a drum, and boys singing in ch{orus  22}
  3. Ingenuas pugni didicisse fideliter artes (fight)  {52}

  Coe, Printer, 27, Old Change, St. {Paul's.}

_Advertising_

  {MAR}MION;
  {A TALE OF FL}ODDEN FIELD.
  {En}gravings.

  ... FUGITIVE POETRY OF THE NINETEENTH CENTURY.
    [NINETEETH]
  By Sir E. LYTTON BULWER [_text unchanged_]
  to grasp with new and gr{eater} generalisations
    [_damaged text reconstructed_]

_Minor Errors: Punctuation, Mechanics_

  the laughter-loving spirit of his age.  [age,]
  the question, whose, or whereof; as, Whose breeches?  [as Whose]
  --Third, is. Vulpes, a fox.  [is, Vulpes]
  or tarnation 'cute  [tarnation' cute]
  Docillimus, most docile.-- Man Friday.  [docile. Man]
  magis, _more_, and maxime, _most_.  [_most_,]
  Amabo, I shall or will love. Inebriabor  [will love Inebriabor]
  ... Thou dancest,  [Thou dancest.]
  ... Patricii, gentlemen,  [gentlemen.]
  ... Doctrinam, learning,  [learning.]
  Moneo, mones, monet,  [monet.]
  _Plu._ Regimus, regitis, re_gunt_
    [_italicized as shown: error for reg_unt_?_]
  Heu! Lack-a-day!-- Hem! Brute, Hollo! Brutus.
    [Lack-a-day! Hem!]
  "Sir," said the great Dr. Johnson  [_invisible . after "Dr"_]
  October an instance supplies  [_e in "supplies" invisible_]
  +SYNTAXIS,+ _or the Construction of Grammar._  [+SYNTAXIS.+]
  quod, or ut, being left out, as  [out as,]
  the natural history of school-boys  [_anomalous hyphen unchanged_]
  suus, his own (Cocknice his'n),  [_close parenthesis missing_]
  trium, of three, &c.,  [&c.]
  Of these juvo, laedo, delecto, and some others  [laedo delecto]
  Puellae, aliae aliis praelucere student  [_comma in original_]
  the verb est being added.  [added,]
  "wisdom" they say "is in the _wig_."  [_final " missing_]
  "deep _in_ the windingths _of_ a whale,"  [_open quote missing_]
  guilty of a great _waste_-- of time;  [of time;"]
  Ut, for, postquam, after that    [postquam after that]
  quanquam, although, utpote, forasmuch as  [although utpote]
  Isaaculus trans maria deportatus est:  [_final : missing_]
  O alaudas! Oh larks!  [O alaudas, Oh larks!]
  in a similar manner?  [manner.]
  Synal[oe]pha, Ecthlipsis, Synaeresis, Diaeresis  [Ecthlipsis Synaeresis]
  dandies and theatrical artists,  [artists.]
  Ingens, great, [A]jax, the name of a hero  [great [A]jax]
  {I}n, tam{e}n, attam{e}n, and {a}n  [_breve printed over "n" in "In"_]
  Ex{i}n' and sub{i}n', de{i}n', pro{i}n'  [pro{i}'n]
  Because its genitive's SamnItis,  [SamnItis.]





End of Project Gutenberg's The Comic Latin Grammar, by Percival Leigh

*** 