



Produced by Charles J. Griep





THE VICAR OF WAKEFIELD

A TALE

Supposed to be written by Himself

By Oliver Goldsmith



     Sperate miseri, cavete faelices




ADVERTISEMENT

There are an hundred faults in this Thing, and an hundred things might
be said to prove them beauties. But it is needless. A book may be
amusing with numerous errors, or it may be very dull without a single
absurdity. The hero of this piece unites in himself the three greatest
characters upon earth; he is a priest, an husbandman, and the father of
a family. He is drawn as ready to teach, and ready to obey, as simple
in affluence, and majestic in adversity. In this age of opulence and
refinement whom can such a character please? Such as are fond of
high life, will turn with disdain from the simplicity of his country
fire-side. Such as mistake ribaldry for humour, will find no wit in his
harmless conversation; and such as have been taught to deride religion,
will laugh at one whose chief stores of comfort are drawn from futurity.

OLIVER GOLDSMITH



CONTENTS
     1. The description of the family of Wakefield; in which a
     kindred likeness prevails as well of minds as of persons

     2. Family misfortunes. The loss of fortune only serves to
     increase the pride of the worthy

     3. A migration. The fortunate circumstances of our lives are
     generally found at last to be of our own procuring

     4. A proof that even the humblest fortune may grant
     happiness, which depends not on circumstance, but
     constitution 5. A new and great acquaintance introduced.
     What we place most hopes upon generally proves most fatal

     6. The happiness of a country fire-side

     7. A town wit described. The dullest fellows may learn to be
     comical for a night or two

     8. An amour, which promises little good fortune, yet may be
     productive of much

     9. Two ladies of great distinction introduced. Superior
     finery ever seems to confer superior breeding

     10. The family endeavours to cope with their betters. The
     miseries of the poor when they attempt to appear above their
     circumstances

     11. The family still resolve to hold up their heads

     12. Fortune seems resolved to humble the family of
     Wakefield. Mortifications are often more painful than real
     calamities

     13. Mr Burchell is found to be an enemy; for he has the
     confidence to give disagreeable advice

     14. Fresh mortifications, or a demonstration that seeming
     calamities may be real blessings

     15. All Mr Burchell's villainy at once detected. The folly
     of being-over-wise

     16. The Family use art, which is opposed with still greater

     17. Scarce any virtue found to resist the power of long and
     pleasing temptation 18. The pursuit of a father to reclaim a
     lost child to virtue

     19. The description of a Person discontented with the
     present government, and apprehensive of the loss of our
     liberties

     20. The history of a philosophic vagabond, pursuing novelty,
     but losing content

     21. The short continuance of friendship among the vicious,
     which is coeval only with mutual satisfaction

     22. Offences are easily pardoned where there is love at
     bottom

     23. None but the guilty can be long and completely miserable

     24. Fresh calamities

     25. No situation, however wretched it seems, but has some
     sort of comfort attending it

     26. A reformation in the gaol. To make laws complete, they
     should reward as well as punish

     27. The same subject continued

     28. Happiness and misery rather the result of prudence than
     of virtue in this life. Temporal evils or felicities being
     regarded by heaven as things merely in themselves trifling
     and unworthy its care in the distribution

     29. The equal dealings of providence demonstrated with
     regard to the happy and the miserable here below. That from
     the nature of pleasure and pain, the wretched must be repaid
     the balance of their sufferings in the life hereafter

     30. Happier prospects begin to appear. Let us be inflexible,
     and fortune will at last change in our favour

     31. Former benevolence now repaid with unexpected interest

     32. The Conclusion




CHAPTER 1

     The description of the family of Wakefield; in which a
     kindred likeness prevails as well of minds as of persons

I was ever of opinion, that the honest man who married and brought up
a large family, did more service than he who continued single, and only
talked of population. From this motive, I had scarce taken orders a year
before I began to think seriously of matrimony, and chose my wife as she
did her wedding gown, not for a fine glossy surfaces but such qualities
as would wear well. To do her justice, she was a good-natured notable
woman; and as for breeding, there were few country ladies who could shew
more. She could read any English book without much spelling, but for
pickling, preserving, and cookery, none could excel her. She prided
herself also upon being an excellent contriver in house-keeping; tho' I
could never find that we grew richer with all her contrivances. However,
we loved each other tenderly, and our fondness encreased as we grew old.
There was in fact nothing that could make us angry with the world or
each other. We had an elegant house, situated in a fine country, and a
good neighbourhood. The year was spent in moral or rural amusements; in
visiting our rich neighbours, and relieving such as were poor. We had no
revolutions to fear, nor fatigues to undergo; all our adventures were by
the fire-side, and all our migrations from the blue bed to the brown.

As we lived near the road, we often had the traveller or stranger visit
us to taste our gooseberry wine, for which we had great reputation; and
I profess with the veracity of an historian, that I never knew one of
them find fault with it. Our cousins too, even to the fortieth remove,
all remembered their affinity, without any help from the Herald's
office, and came very frequently to see us. Some of them did us no great
honour by these claims of kindred; as we had the blind, the maimed, and
the halt amongst the number. However, my wife always insisted that as
they were the same flesh and blood, they should sit with us at the same
table. So that if we had not, very rich, we generally had very happy
friends about us; for this remark will hold good thro' life, that the
poorer the guest, the better pleased he ever is with being treated: and
as some men gaze with admiration at the colours of a tulip, or the wing
of a butterfly, so I was by nature an admirer of happy human faces.
However, when any one of our relations was found to be a person of very
bad character, a troublesome guest, or one we desired to get rid of,
upon his leaving my house, I ever took care to lend him a riding coat,
or a pair of boots, or sometimes an horse of small value, and I always
had the satisfaction of finding he never came back to return them. By
this the house was cleared of such as we did not like; but never was the
family of Wakefield known to turn the traveller or the poor dependent
out of doors.

Thus we lived several years in a state of much happiness, not but that
we sometimes had those little rubs which Providence sends to enhance the
value of its favours. My orchard was often robbed by school-boys, and my
wife's custards plundered by the cats or the children. The 'Squire would
sometimes fall asleep in the most pathetic parts of my sermon, or his
lady return my wife's civilities at church with a mutilated curtesy. But
we soon got over the uneasiness caused by such accidents, and usually in
three or four days began to wonder how they vext us.

My children, the offspring of temperance, as they were educated without
softness, so they were at once well formed and healthy; my sons hardy
and active, my daughters beautiful and blooming. When I stood in the
midst of the little circle, which promised to be the supports of my
declining age, I could not avoid repeating the famous story of Count
Abensberg, who, in Henry II's progress through Germany, while other
courtiers came with their treasures, brought his thirty-two children,
and presented them to his sovereign as the most valuable offering he had
to bestow. In this manner, though I had but six, I considered them as a
very valuable present made to my country, and consequently looked upon
it as my debtor. Our eldest son was named George, after his uncle, who
left us ten thousand pounds. Our second child, a girl, I intended to
call after her aunt Grissel; but my wife, who during her pregnancy had
been reading romances, insisted upon her being called Olivia. In less
than another year we had another daughter, and now I was determined that
Grissel should be her name; but a rich relation taking a fancy to stand
godmother, the girl was, by her directions, called Sophia; so that we
had two romantic names in the family; but I solemnly protest I had no
hand in it. Moses was our next, and after an interval of twelve years,
we had two sons more.

It would be fruitless to deny my exultation when I saw my little ones
about me; but the vanity and the satisfaction of my wife were even
greater than mine. When our visitors would say, 'Well, upon my word,
Mrs Primrose, you have the finest children in the whole country.'--'Ay,
neighbour,' she would answer, 'they are as heaven made them, handsome
enough, if they be good enough; for handsome is that handsome does.'
And then she would bid the girls hold up their heads; who, to conceal
nothing, were certainly very handsome. Mere outside is so very trifling
a circumstance with me, that I should scarce have remembered to mention
it, had it not been a general topic of conversation in the country.
Olivia, now about eighteen, had that luxuriancy of beauty with which
painters generally draw Hebe; open, sprightly, and commanding. Sophia's
features were not so striking at first; but often did more certain
execution; for they were soft, modest, and alluring. The one vanquished
by a single blow, the other by efforts successfully repeated.

The temper of a woman is generally formed from the turn of her features,
at least it was so with my daughters. Olivia wished for many lovers,
Sophia to secure one. Olivia was often affected from too great a desire
to please. Sophia even represt excellence from her fears to offend. The
one entertained me with her vivacity when I was gay, the other with
her sense when I was serious. But these qualities were never carried to
excess in either, and I have often seen them exchange characters for a
whole day together. A suit of mourning has transformed my coquet into a
prude, and a new set of ribbands has given her younger sister more than
natural vivacity. My eldest son George was bred at Oxford, as I intended
him for one of the learned professions. My second boy Moses, whom I
designed for business, received a sort of a miscellaneous education at
home. But it is needless to attempt describing the particular characters
of young people that had seen but very little of the world. In short, a
family likeness prevailed through all, and properly speaking, they
had but one character, that of being all equally generous, credulous,
simple, and inoffensive.



CHAPTER 2

     Family misfortunes. The loss of fortune only serves to
     encrease the pride of the worthy


The temporal concerns of our family were chiefly committed to my wife's
management, as to the spiritual I took them entirely under my own
direction. The profits of my living, which amounted to but thirty-five
pounds a year, I made over to the orphans and widows of the clergy of
our diocese; for having a sufficient fortune of my own, I was careless
of temporalities, and felt a secret pleasure in doing my duty without
reward. I also set a resolution of keeping no curate, and of being
acquainted with every man in the parish, exhorting the married men to
temperance and the bachelors to matrimony; so that in a few years it
was a common saying, that there were three strange wants at Wakefield,
a parson wanting pride, young men wanting wives, and ale-houses wanting
customers. Matrimony was always one of my favourite topics, and I wrote
several sermons to prove its happiness: but there was a peculiar tenet
which I made a point of supporting; for I maintained with Whiston, that
it was unlawful for a priest of the church of England, after the death
of his first wife, to take a second, or to express it in one word, I
valued myself upon being a strict monogamist. I was early innitiated
into this important dispute, on which so many laborious volumes have
been written. I published some tracts upon the subject myself, which, as
they never sold, I have the consolation of thinking are read only by the
happy Few. Some of my friends called this my weak side; but alas! they
had not like me made it the subject of long contemplation. The more I
reflected upon it, the more important it appeared. I even went a step
beyond Whiston in displaying my principles: as he had engraven upon his
wife's tomb that she was the only wife of William Whiston; so I wrote
a similar epitaph for my wife, though still living, in which I extolled
her prudence, oeconomy, and obedience till death; and having got
it copied fair, with an elegant frame, it was placed over the
chimney-piece, where it answered several very useful purposes. It
admonished my wife of her duty to me, and my fidelity to her; it
inspired her with a passion for fame, and constantly put her in mind of
her end.

It was thus, perhaps, from hearing marriage so often recommended, that
my eldest son, just upon leaving college, fixed his affections upon the
daughter of a neighbouring clergyman, who was a dignitary in the church,
and in circumstances to give her a large fortune: but fortune was her
smallest accomplishment. Miss Arabella Wilmot was allowed by all,
except my two daughters, to be completely pretty. Her youth, health,
and innocence, were still heightened by a complexion so transparent, and
such an happy sensibility of look, as even age could not gaze on with
indifference. As Mr Wilmot knew that I could make a very handsome
settlement on my son, he was not averse to the match; so both families
lived together in all that harmony which generally precedes an expected
alliance. Being convinced by experience that the days of courtship
are the most happy of our lives, I was willing enough to lengthen the
period; and the various amusements which the young couple every day
shared in each other's company, seemed to encrease their passion. We
were generally awaked in the morning by music, and on fine days rode a
hunting. The hours between breakfast and dinner the ladies devoted to
dress and study: they usually read a page, and then gazed at themselves
in the glass, which even philosophers might own often presented the page
of greatest beauty. At dinner my wife took the lead; for as she always
insisted upon carving every thing herself, it being her mother's way,
she gave us upon these occasions the history of every dish. When we had
dined, to prevent the ladies leaving us, I generally ordered the table
to be removed; and sometimes, with the music master's assistance, the
girls would give us a very agreeable concert. Walking out, drinking tea,
country dances, and forfeits, shortened the rest of the day, without the
assistance of cards, as I hated all manner of gaming, except backgammon,
at which my old friend and I sometimes took a two-penny hit. Nor can I
here pass over an ominous circumstance that happened the last time we
played together: I only wanted to fling a quatre, and yet I threw deuce
ace five times running. Some months were elapsed in this manner, till
at last it was thought convenient to fix a day for the nuptials of the
young couple, who seemed earnestly to desire it. During the preparations
for the wedding, I need not describe the busy importance of my wife,
nor the sly looks of my daughters: in fact, my attention was fixed
on another object, the completing a tract which I intended shortly to
publish in defence of my favourite principle. As I looked upon this as a
master-piece both for argument and style, I could not in the pride of my
heart avoid shewing it to my old friend Mr Wilmot, as I made no doubt
of receiving his approbation; but not till too late I discovered that
he was most violently attached to the contrary opinion, and with good
reason; for he was at that time actually courting a fourth wife. This,
as may be expected, produced a dispute attended with some acrimony,
which threatened to interrupt our intended alliance: but on the day
before that appointed for the ceremony, we agreed to discuss the subject
at large. It was managed with proper spirit on both sides: he asserted
that I was heterodox, I retorted the charge: he replied, and I rejoined.
In the mean time, while the controversy was hottest, I was called out by
one of my relations, who, with a face of concern, advised me to give up
the dispute, at least till my son's wedding was over. 'How,' cried
I, 'relinquish the cause of truth, and let him be an husband, already
driven to the very verge of absurdity. You might as well advise me to
give up my fortune as my argument.' 'Your fortune,' returned my friend,
'I am now sorry to inform you, is almost nothing. The merchant in town,
in whose hands your money was lodged, has gone off, to avoid a statute
of bankruptcy, and is thought not to have left a shilling in the pound.
I was unwilling to shock you or the family with the account till
after the wedding: but now it may serve to moderate your warmth in the
argument; for, I suppose, your own prudence will enforce the necessity
of dissembling at least till your son has the young lady's fortune
secure.'--'Well,' returned I, 'if what you tell me be true, and if I am
to be a beggar, it shall never make me a rascal, or induce me to
disavow my principles. I'll go this moment and inform the company of my
circumstances; and as for the argument, I even here retract my former
concessions in the old gentleman's favour, nor will I allow him now to
be an husband in any sense of the expression.'

It would be endless to describe the different sensations of both
families when I divulged the news of our misfortune; but what others
felt was slight to what the lovers appeared to endure. Mr Wilmot, who
seemed before sufficiently inclined to break off the match, was by
this blow soon determined: one virtue he had in perfection, which was
prudence, too often the only one that is left us at seventy-two.



CHAPTER 3

     A migration. The fortunate circumstances of our lives are
     generally found at last to be of our own procuring


The only hope of our family now was, that the report of our misfortunes
might be malicious or premature: but a letter from my agent in town soon
came with a confirmation of every particular. The loss of fortune to
myself alone would have been trifling; the only uneasiness I felt was
for my family, who were to be humble without an education to render them
callous to contempt.

Near a fortnight had passed before I attempted to restrain their
affliction; for premature consolation is but the remembrancer of sorrow.
During this interval, my thoughts were employed on some future means of
supporting them; and at last a small Cure of fifteen pounds a year was
offered me in a distant neighbourhood, where I could still enjoy my
principles without molestation. With this proposal I joyfully closed,
having determined to encrease my salary by managing a little farm.

Having taken this resolution, my next care was to get together the
wrecks of my fortune; and all debts collected and paid, out of fourteen
thousand pounds we had but four hundred remaining. My chief attention
therefore was now to bring down the pride of my family to their
circumstances; for I well knew that aspiring beggary is wretchedness
itself. 'You cannot be ignorant, my children,' cried I, 'that no
prudence of ours could have prevented our late misfortune; but prudence
may do much in disappointing its effects. We are now poor, my fondlings,
and wisdom bids us conform to our humble situation. Let us then, without
repining, give up those splendours with which numbers are wretched, and
seek in humbler circumstances that peace with which all may be happy.
The poor live pleasantly without our help, why then should not we learn
to live without theirs. No, my children, let us from this moment give up
all pretensions to gentility; we have still enough left for happiness
if we are wise, and let us draw upon content for the deficiencies of
fortune.' As my eldest son was bred a scholar, I determined to send him
to town, where his abilities might contribute to our support and his
own. The separation of friends and families is, perhaps, one of the most
distressful circumstances attendant on penury. The day soon arrived on
which we were to disperse for the first time. My son, after taking leave
of his mother and the rest, who mingled their tears with their kisses,
came to ask a blessing from me. This I gave him from my heart, and
which, added to five guineas, was all the patrimony I had now to bestow.
'You are going, my boy,' cried I, 'to London on foot, in the manner
Hooker, your great ancestor, travelled there before you. Take from me
the same horse that was given him by the good bishop Jewel, this staff,
and take this book too, it will be your comfort on the way: these two
lines in it are worth a million, I have been young, and now am old; yet
never saw I the righteous man forsaken, or his seed begging their bread.
Let this be your consolation as you travel on. Go, my boy, whatever be
thy fortune let me see thee once a year; still keep a good heart, and
farewell.' As he was possest of integrity and honour, I was under no
apprehensions from throwing him naked into the amphitheatre of life; for
I knew he would act a good part whether vanquished or victorious. His
departure only prepared the way for our own, which arrived a few days
afterwards. The leaving a neighbourhood in which we had enjoyed so many
hours of tranquility, was not without a tear, which scarce fortitude
itself could suppress. Besides, a journey of seventy miles to a family
that had hitherto never been above ten from home, filled us with
apprehension, and the cries of the poor, who followed us for some miles,
contributed to encrease it. The first day's journey brought us in safety
within thirty miles of our future retreat, and we put up for the night
at an obscure inn in a village by the way. When we were shewn a room, I
desired the landlord, in my usual way, to let us have his company,
with which he complied, as what he drank would encrease the bill next
morning. He knew, however, the whole neighbourhood to which I was
removing, particularly 'Squire Thornhill, who was to be my landlord, and
who lived within a few miles of the place. This gentleman he described
as one who desired to know little more of the world than its pleasures,
being particularly remarkable for his attachment to the fair sex. He
observed that no virtue was able to resist his arts and assiduity, and
that scarce a farmer's daughter within ten miles round but what had
found him successful and faithless. Though this account gave me some
pain, it had a very different effect upon my daughters, whose features
seemed to brighten with the expectation of an approaching triumph, nor
was my wife less pleased and confident of their allurements and virtue.
While our thoughts were thus employed, the hostess entered the room to
inform her husband, that the strange gentleman, who had been two days in
the house, wanted money, and could not satisfy them for his reckoning.
'Want money!' replied the host, 'that must be impossible; for it was no
later than yesterday he paid three guineas to our beadle to spare an
old broken soldier that was to be whipped through the town for
dog-stealing.' The hostess, however, still persisting in her first
assertion, he was preparing to leave the room, swearing that he would be
satisfied one way or another, when I begged the landlord would introduce
me to a stranger of so much charity as he described. With this he
complied, shewing in a gentleman who seemed to be about thirty, drest in
cloaths that once were laced. His person was well formed, and his face
marked with the lines of thinking. He had something short and dry in his
address, and seemed not to understand ceremony, or to despise it. Upon
the landlord's leaving the room, I could not avoid expressing my concern
to the stranger at seeing a gentleman in such circumstances, and offered
him my purse to satisfy the present demand. 'I take it with all my
heart, Sir,' replied he, 'and am glad that a late oversight in giving
what money I had about me, has shewn me that there are still some men
like you. I must, however, previously entreat being informed of the
name and residence of my benefactor, in order to repay him as soon as
possible.' In this I satisfied him fully, not only mentioning my name
and late misfortunes, but the place to which I was going to remove.
'This,' cried he, 'happens still more luckily than I hoped for, as I
am going the same way myself, having been detained here two days by the
floods, which, I hope, by to-morrow will be found passable.' I testified
the pleasure I should have in his company, and my wife and daughters
joining in entreaty, he was prevailed upon to stay supper. The
stranger's conversation, which was at once pleasing and instructive,
induced me to wish for a continuance of it; but it was now high time to
retire and take refreshment against the fatigues of the following day.

The next morning we all set forward together: my family on horseback,
while Mr Burchell, our new companion, walked along the foot-path by
the road-side, observing, with a smile, that as we were ill mounted, he
would be too generous to attempt leaving us behind. As the floods
were not yet subsided, we were obliged to hire a guide, who trotted
on before, Mr Burchell and I bringing up the rear. We lightened the
fatigues of the road with philosophical disputes, which he seemed to
understand perfectly. But what surprised me most was, that though he was
a money-borrower, he defended his opinions with as much obstinacy as
if he had been my patron. He now and then also informed me to whom the
different seats belonged that lay in our view as we travelled the road.
'That,' cried he, pointing to a very magnificent house which stood at
some distance, 'belongs to Mr Thornhill, a young gentleman who enjoys a
large fortune, though entirely dependent on the will of his uncle,
Sir William Thornhill, a gentleman, who content with a little himself,
permits his nephew to enjoy the rest, and chiefly resides in town.'
'What!' cried I, 'is my young landlord then the nephew of a man whose
virtues, generosity, and singularities are so universally known? I have
heard Sir William Thornhill represented as one of the most generous,
yet whimsical, men in the kingdom; a man of consumate
benevolence'--'Something, perhaps, too much so,' replied Mr Burchell,
'at least he carried benevolence to an excess when young; for his
passions were then strong, and as they all were upon the side of virtue,
they led it up to a romantic extreme. He early began to aim at the
qualifications of the soldier and scholar; was soon distinguished in
the army and had some reputation among men of learning. Adulation
ever follows the ambitious; for such alone receive most pleasure from
flattery. He was surrounded with crowds, who shewed him only one side of
their character; so that he began to lose a regard for private interest
in universal sympathy. He loved all mankind; for fortune prevented him
from knowing that there were rascals. Physicians tell us of a disorder
in which the whole body is so exquisitely sensible, that the slightest
touch gives pain: what some have thus suffered in their persons, this
gentleman felt in his mind. The slightest distress, whether real or
fictitious, touched him to the quick, and his soul laboured under a
sickly sensibility of the miseries of others. Thus disposed to relieve,
it will be easily conjectured, he found numbers disposed to solicit: his
profusions began to impair his fortune, but not his good-nature; that,
indeed, was seen to encrease as the other seemed to decay: he grew
improvident as he grew poor; and though he talked like a man of sense,
his actions were those of a fool. Still, however, being surrounded with
importunity, and no longer able to satisfy every request that was made
him, instead of money he gave promises. They were all he had to bestow,
and he had not resolution enough to give any man pain by a denial.
By this he drew round him crowds of dependants, whom he was sure to
disappoint; yet wished to relieve. These hung upon him for a time, and
left him with merited reproaches and contempt. But in proportion as he
became contemptable to others, he became despicable to himself. His mind
had leaned upon their adulation, and that support taken away, he could
find no pleasure in the applause of his heart, which he had never
learnt to reverence. The world now began to wear a different aspect;
the flattery of his friends began to dwindle into simple approbation.
Approbation soon took the more friendly form of advice, and advice when
rejected produced their reproaches. He now, therefore found that such
friends as benefits had gathered round him, were little estimable: he
now found that a man's own heart must be ever given to gain that of
another. I now found, that--that--I forget what I was going to observe:
in short, sir, he resolved to respect himself, and laid down a plan of
restoring his falling fortune. For this purpose, in his own whimsical
manner he travelled through Europe on foot, and now, though he has
scarce attained the age of thirty, his circumstances are more affluent
than ever. At present, his bounties are more rational and moderate than
before; but still he preserves the character of an humourist, and finds
most pleasure in eccentric virtues.'

My attention was so much taken up by Mr Burchell's account, that I
scarce looked forward as we went along, til we were alarmed by the cries
of my family, when turning, I perceived my youngest daughter in the
midst of a rapid stream, thrown from her horse, and struggling with the
torrent. She had sunk twice, nor was it in my power to disengage myself
in time to bring her relief. My sensations were even too violent to
permit my attempting her rescue: she must have certainly perished had
not my companion, perceiving her danger, instantly plunged in to her
relief, and with some difficulty, brought her in safety to the opposite
shore. By taking the current a little farther up, the rest of the
family got safely over; where we had an opportunity of joining our
acknowledgments to her's. Her gratitude may be more readily imagined
than described: she thanked her deliverer more with looks than words,
and continued to lean upon his arm, as if still willing to receive
assistance. My wife also hoped one day to have the pleasure of returning
his kindness at her own house. Thus, after we were refreshed at the next
inn, and had dined together, as Mr Burchell was going to a different
part of the country, he took leave; and we pursued our journey. My wife
observing as we went, that she liked him extremely, and protesting, that
if he had birth and fortune to entitle him to match into such a family
as our's, she knew no man she would sooner fix upon. I could not but
smile to hear her talk in this lofty strain: but I was never much
displeased with those harmless delusions that tend to make us more
happy.



CHAPTER 4

     A proof that even the humblest fortune may grant happiness,
     which depends not on circumstance, but constitution


The place of our retreat was in a little neighbourhood, consisting
of farmers, who tilled their own grounds, and were equal strangers to
opulence and poverty. As they had almost all the conveniencies of life
within themselves, they seldom visited towns or cities in search of
superfluity. Remote from the polite, they still retained the primaeval
simplicity of manners, and frugal by habit, they scarce knew that
temperance was a virtue. They wrought with cheerfulness on days of
labour; but observed festivals as intervals of idleness and pleasure.
They kept up the Christmas carol, sent true love-knots on Valentine
morning, eat pancakes on Shrove-tide, shewed their wit on the first of
April, and religiously cracked nuts on Michaelmas eve. Being apprized of
our approach, the whole neighbourhood came out to meet their minister,
drest in their finest cloaths, and preceded by a pipe and tabor: A feast
also was provided for our reception, at which we sat cheerfully down;
and what the conversation wanted in wit, was made up in laughter.

Our little habitation was situated at the foot of a sloping hill,
sheltered with a beautiful underwood behind, and a pratling river
before; on one side a meadow, on the other a green. My farm consisted of
about twenty acres of excellent land, having given an hundred pound
for my predecessor's good-will. Nothing could exceed the neatness of my
little enclosures: the elms and hedge rows appearing with inexpressible
beauty. My house consisted of but one story, and was covered with
thatch, which gave it an air of great snugness; the walls on the inside
were nicely white-washed, and my daughters undertook to adorn them with
pictures of their own designing. Though the same room served us for
parlour and kitchen, that only made it the warmer. Besides, as it was
kept with the utmost neatness, the dishes, plates, and coppers, being
well scoured, and all disposed in bright rows on the shelves, the eye
was agreeably relieved, and did not want richer furniture. There were
three other apartments, one for my wife and me, another for our two
daughters, within our own, and the third, with two beds, for the rest of
the children.

The little republic to which I gave laws, was regulated in the following
manner: by sun-rise we all assembled in our common appartment; the fire
being previously kindled by the servant. After we had saluted each
other with proper ceremony, for I always thought fit to keep up some
mechanical forms of good breeding, without which freedom ever destroys
friendship, we all bent in gratitude to that Being who gave us another
day. This duty being performed, my son and I went to pursue our usual
industry abroad, while my wife and daughters employed themselves in
providing breakfast, which was always ready at a certain time. I allowed
half an hour for this meal, and an hour for dinner; which time was taken
up in innocent mirth between my wife and daughters, and in philosophical
arguments between my son and me.

As we rose with the sun, so we never pursued our labours after it was
gone down, but returned home to the expecting family; where smiling
looks, a treat hearth, and pleasant fire, were prepared for our
reception. Nor were we without guests: sometimes farmer Flamborough, our
talkative neighbour, and often the blind piper, would pay us a visit,
and taste our gooseberry wine; for the making of which we had lost
neither the receipt nor the reputation. These harmless people had
several ways of being good company, while one played, the other would
sing some soothing ballad, Johnny Armstrong's last good night, or the
cruelty of Barbara Allen. The night was concluded in the manner we began
the morning, my youngest boys being appointed to read the lessons of
the day, and he that read loudest, distinctest, and best, was to have an
half-penny on Sunday to put in the poor's box.

When Sunday came, it was indeed a day of finery, which all my sumptuary
edicts could not restrain. How well so ever I fancied my lectures
against pride had conquered the vanity of my daughters; yet I still
found them secretly attached to all their former finery: they still
loved laces, ribbands, bugles and catgut; my wife herself retained a
passion for her crimson paduasoy, because I formerly happened to say it
became her.

The first Sunday in particular their behaviour served to mortify me: I
had desired my girls the preceding night to be drest early the next day;
for I always loved to be at church a good while before the rest of the
congregation. They punctually obeyed my directions; but when we were to
assemble in the morning at breakfast, down came my wife and daughters,
drest out in all their former splendour: their hair plaistered up with
pomatum, their faces patched to taste, their trains bundled up into an
heap behind, and rustling at every motion. I could not help smiling at
their vanity, particularly that of my wife, from whom I expected more
discretion. In this exigence, therefore, my only resource was to order
my son, with an important air, to call our coach. The girls were
amazed at the command; but I repeated it with more solemnity than
before.--'Surely, my dear, you jest,' cried my wife, 'we can walk it
perfectly well: we want no coach to carry us now.' 'You mistake, child,'
returned I, 'we do want a coach; for if we walk to church in this trim,
the very children in the parish will hoot after us.'--'Indeed,' replied
my wife, 'I always imagined that my Charles was fond of seeing his
children neat and handsome about him.'--'You may be as neat as you
please,' interrupted I, 'and I shall love you the better for it, but all
this is not neatness, but frippery. These rufflings, and pinkings,
and patchings, will only make us hated by all the wives of all our
neighbours. No, my children,' continued I, more gravely, 'those gowns
may be altered into something of a plainer cut; for finery is very
unbecoming in us, who want the means of decency. I do not know whether
such flouncing and shredding is becoming even in the rich, if we
consider, upon a moderate calculation, that the nakedness of the
indigent world may be cloathed from the trimmings of the vain.'

This remonstrance had the proper effect; they went with great composure,
that very instant, to change their dress; and the next day I had the
satisfaction of finding my daughters, at their own request employed in
cutting up their trains into Sunday waistcoats for Dick and Bill, the
two little ones, and what was still more satisfactory, the gowns seemed
improved by this curtailing.



CHAPTER 5

     A new and great acquaintance introduced. What we place most
     hopes upon, generally proves most fatal


At a small distance from the house my predecessor had made a seat,
overshaded by an hedge of hawthorn and honeysuckle. Here, when the
weather was fine, and our labour soon finished, we usually sate
together, to enjoy an extensive landscape, in the calm of the evening.
Here too we drank tea, which now was become an occasional banquet; and
as we had it but seldom, it diffused a new joy, the preparations for
it being made with no small share of bustle and ceremony. On these
occasions, our two little ones always read for us, and they were
regularly served after we had done. Sometimes, to give a variety to our
amusements, the girls sung to the guitar; and while they thus formed a
little concert, my wife and I would stroll down the sloping field, that
was embellished with blue bells and centaury, talk of our children with
rapture, and enjoy the breeze that wafted both health and harmony.

In this manner we began to find that every situation in life might bring
its own peculiar pleasures: every morning waked us to a repetition of
toil; but the evening repaid it with vacant hilarity.

It was about the beginning of autumn, on a holiday, for I kept such as
intervals of relaxation from labour, that I had drawn out my family to
our usual place of amusement, and our young musicians began their usual
concert. As we were thus engaged, we saw a stag bound nimbly by, within
about twenty paces of where we were sitting, and by its panting, it
seemed prest by the hunters. We had not much time to reflect upon the
poor animal's distress, when we perceived the dogs and horsemen come
sweeping along at some distance behind, and making the very path it
had taken. I was instantly for returning in with my family; but either
curiosity or surprize, or some more hidden motive, held my wife and
daughters to their seats. The huntsman, who rode foremost, past us with
great swiftness, followed by four or five persons more, who seemed in
equal haste. At last, a young gentleman of a more genteel appearance
than the rest, came forward, and for a while regarding us, instead of
pursuing the chace, stopt short, and giving his horse to a servant who
attended, approached us with a careless superior air. He seemed to want
no introduction, but was going to salute my daughters as one certain
of a kind reception; but they had early learnt the lesson of looking
presumption out of countenance. Upon which he let us know that his name
was Thornhill, and that he was owner of the estate that lay for some
extent round us. He again, therefore, offered to salute the female part
of the family, and such was the power of fortune and fine cloaths, that
he found no second repulse. As his address, though confident, was easy,
we soon became more familiar; and perceiving musical instruments lying
near, he begged to be favoured with a song. As I did not approve of such
disproportioned acquaintances, I winked upon my daughters in order to
prevent their compliance; but my hint was counteracted by one from their
mother; so that with a chearful air they gave us, a favourite song of
Dryden's. Mr Thornhill seemed highly delighted with their performance
and choice, and then took up the guitar himself. He played but very
indifferently; however, my eldest daughter repaid his former applause
with interest, and assured him that his tones were louder than even
those of her master. At this compliment he bowed, which she
returned with a curtesy. He praised her taste, and she commended his
understanding: an age could not have made them better acquainted.
While the fond mother too, equally happy, insisted upon her landlord's
stepping in, and tasting a glass of her gooseberry. The whole family
seemed earnest to please him: my girls attempted to entertain him with
topics they thought most modern, while Moses, on the contrary, gave him
a question or two from the ancients, for which he had the satisfaction
of being laughed at: my little ones were no less busy, and fondly stuck
close to the stranger. All my endeavours could scarce keep their dirty
fingers from handling and tarnishing the lace on his cloaths, and
lifting up the flaps of his pocket holes, to see what was there. At
the approach of evening he took leave; but not till he had requested
permission to renew his visit, which, as he was our landlord, we most
readily agreed to.

As soon as he was gone, my wife called a council on the conduct of the
day. She was of opinion, that it was a most fortunate hit; for that she
had known even stranger things at last brought to bear. She hoped again
to see the day in which we might hold up our heads with the best of
them; and concluded, she protested she could see no reason why the two
Miss Wrinklers should marry great fortunes, and her children get none.
As this last argument was directed to me, I protested I could see no
reason for it neither, nor why Mr Simpkins got the ten thousand pound
prize in the lottery, and we sate down with a blank. 'I protest,
Charles,' cried my wife, 'this is the way you always damp my girls and
me when we are in Spirits. Tell me, Sophy, my dear, what do you think
of our new visitor? Don't you think he seemed to be
good-natured?'--'Immensely so, indeed, Mamma,' replied she. 'I think he
has a great deal to say upon every thing, and is never at a loss; and
the more trifling the subject, the more he has to say.'--'Yes,' cried
Olivia, 'he is well enough for a man; but for my part, I don't much like
him, he is so extremely impudent and familiar; but on the guitar he is
shocking.' These two last speeches I interpreted by contraries. I found
by this, that Sophia internally despised, as much as Olivia secretly
admired him.--'Whatever may be your opinions of him, my children,'
cried I, 'to confess a truth, he has not prepossest me in his favour.
Disproportioned friendships ever terminate in disgust; and I thought,
notwithstanding all his ease, that he seemed perfectly sensible of the
distance between us. Let us keep to companions of our own rank. There is
no character more contemptible than a man that is a fortune-hunter, and
I can see no reason why fortune-hunting women should not be contemptible
too. Thus, at best, we shall be contemptible if his views be honourable;
but if they be otherwise! I should shudder but to think of that! It
is true I have no apprehensions from the conduct of my children, but I
think there are some from his character.'--I would have proceeded,
but for the interruption of a servant from the 'Squire, who, with his
compliments, sent us a side of venison, and a promise to dine with us
some days after. This well-timed present pleaded more powerfully in his
favour, than any thing I had to say could obviate. I therefore continued
silent, satisfied with just having pointed out danger, and leaving it to
their own discretion to avoid it. That virtue which requires to be ever
guarded, is scarce worth the centinel.



CHAPTER 6

     The happiness of a country fire-side


As we carried on the former dispute with some degree of warmth, in order
to accommodate matters, it was universally agreed, that we should have
a part of the venison for supper, and the girls undertook the task with
alacrity. 'I am sorry,' cried I, 'that we have no neighbour or stranger
to take a part in this good cheer: feasts of this kind acquire a double
relish from hospitality.'--'Bless me,' cried my wife, 'here comes our
good friend Mr Burchell, that saved our Sophia, and that run you down
fairly in the argument'--'Confute me in argument, child!' cried I. 'You
mistake there, my dear. I believe there are but few that can do that:
I never dispute your abilities at making a goose-pye, and I beg you'll
leave argument to me.'--As I spoke, poor Mr Burchell entered the house,
and was welcomed by the family, who shook him heartily by the hand,
while little Dick officiously reached him a chair.

I was pleased with the poor man's friendship for two reasons; because I
knew that he wanted mine, and I knew him to be friendly as far as he
was able. He was known in our neighbourhood by the character of the poor
Gentleman that would do no good when he was young, though he was not yet
thirty. He would at intervals talk with great good sense; but in general
he was fondest of the company of children, whom he used to call harmless
little men. He was famous, I found, for singing them ballads, and
telling them stories; and seldom went out without something in his
pockets for them, a piece of gingerbread, or an halfpenny whistle. He
generally came for a few days into our neighbourhood once a year, and
lived upon the neighbours hospitality. He sate down to supper among us,
and my wife was not sparing of her gooseberry wine. The tale went round;
he sung us old songs, and gave the children the story of the Buck
of Beverland, with the history of Patient Grissel, the adventures of
Catskin, and then Fair Rosamond's bower. Our cock, which always crew at
eleven, now told us it was time for repose; but an unforeseen difficulty
started about lodging the stranger: all our beds were already taken up,
and it was too late to send him to the next alehouse. In this dilemma,
little Dick offered him his part of the bed, if his brother Moses would
let him lie with him; 'And I,' cried Bill, 'will give Mr Burchell
my part, if my sisters will take me to theirs.'--'Well done, my good
children,' cried I, 'hospitality is one of the first Christian duties.
The beast retires to its shelter, and the bird flies to its nest; but
helpless man can only find refuge from his fellow creature. The greatest
stranger in this world, was he that came to save it. He never had an
house, as if willing to see what hospitality was left remaining amongst
us. Deborah, my dear,' cried I, to my wife, 'give those boys a lump of
sugar each, and let Dick's be the largest, because he spoke first.'

In the morning early I called out my whole family to help at saving
an after-growth of hay, and, our guest offering his assistance, he was
accepted among the number. Our labours went on lightly, we turned
the swath to the wind, I went foremost, and the rest followed in due
succession. I could not avoid, however, observing the assiduity of Mr
Burchell in assisting my daughter Sophia in her part of the task. When
he had finished his own, he would join in her's, and enter into a close
conversation: but I had too good an opinion of Sophia's understanding,
and was too well convinced of her ambition, to be under any uneasiness
from a man of broken fortune. When we were finished for the day, Mr
Burchell was invited as on the night before; but he refused, as he was
to lie that night at a neighbour's, to whose child he was carrying a
whistle. When gone, our conversation at supper turned upon our late
unfortunate guest. 'What a strong instance,' said I, 'is that poor man
of the miseries attending a youth of levity and extravagance. He by no
means wants sense, which only serves to aggravate his former folly. Poor
forlorn creature, where are now the revellers, the flatterers, that
he could once inspire and command! Gone, perhaps, to attend the bagnio
pander, grown rich by his extravagance. They once praised him, and
now they applaud the pander: their former raptures at his wit, are now
converted into sarcasms at his folly: he is poor, and perhaps deserves
poverty; for he has neither the ambition to be independent, nor the
skill to be useful.' Prompted, perhaps, by some secret reasons, I
delivered this observation with too much acrimony, which my Sophia
gently reproved. 'Whatsoever his former conduct may be, pappa, his
circumstances should exempt him from censure now. His present indigence
is a sufficient punishment for former folly; and I have heard my pappa
himself say, that we should never strike our unnecessary blow at a
victim over whom providence holds the scourge of its resentment.'--'You
are right, Sophy,' cried my son Moses, 'and one of the ancients finely
represents so malicious a conduct, by the attempts of a rustic to flay
Marsyas, whose skin, the fable tells us, had been wholly stript off by
another.' Besides, I don't know if this poor man's situation be so bad
as my father would represent it. We are not to judge of the feelings
of others by what we might feel if in their place. However dark the
habitation of the mole to our eyes, yet the animal itself finds the
apartment sufficiently lightsome. And to confess a truth, this man's
mind seems fitted to his station; for I never heard any one more
sprightly than he was to-day, when he conversed with you.'--This was
said without the least design, however it excited a blush, which she
strove to cover by an affected laugh, assuring him, that she scarce took
any notice of what he said to her; but that she believed he might once
have been a very fine gentleman. The readiness with which she undertook
to vindicate herself, and her blushing, were symptoms I did not
internally approve; but I represt my suspicions.

As we expected our landlord the next day, my wife went to make the
venison pasty; Moses sate reading, while I taught the little ones: my
daughters seemed equally busy with the rest; and I observed them for
a good while cooking something over the fire. I at first supposed they
were assisting their mother; but little Dick informed me in a whisper,
that they were making a wash for the face. Washes of all kinds I had a
natural antipathy to; for I knew that instead of mending the complexion
they spoiled it. I therefore approached my chair by sly degrees to the
fire, and grasping the poker, as if it wanted mending, seemingly by
accident, overturned the whole composition, and it was too late to begin
another.



CHAPTER 7

     A town wit described. The dullest fellows may learn to be
     comical for a night or two


When the morning arrived on which we were to entertain our young
landlord, it may be easily supposed what provisions were exhausted
to make an appearance. It may also be conjectured that my wife and
daughters expanded their gayest plumage upon this occasion. Mr Thornhill
came with a couple of friends, his chaplain, and feeder. The servants,
who were numerous, he politely ordered to the next ale-house: but my
wife, in the triumph of her heart, insisted on entertaining them all;
for which, by the bye, our family was pinched for three weeks after.
As Mr Burchell had hinted to us the day before, that he was making some
proposals of marriage, to Miss Wilmot, my son George's former mistress,
this a good deal damped the heartiness of his reception: but accident,
in some measure, relieved our embarrasment; for one of the company
happening to mention her name, Mr Thornhill observed with an oath, that
he never knew any thing more absurd than calling such a fright a beauty:
'For strike me ugly,' continued he, 'if I should not find as much
pleasure in choosing my mistress by the information of a lamp under the
clock at St Dunstan's.' At this he laughed, and so did we:--the jests
of the rich are ever successful. Olivia too could not avoid whispering,
loud enough to be heard, that he had an infinite fund of humour. After
dinner, I began with my usual toast, the Church; for this I was thanked
by the chaplain, as he said the church was the only mistress of his
affections.--'Come tell us honestly, Frank,' said the 'Squire, with his
usual archness, 'suppose the church, your present mistress, drest in
lawnsleeves, on one hand, and Miss Sophia, with no lawn about her, on
the other, which would you be for?' 'For both, to be sure,' cried
the chaplain.--'Right Frank,' cried the 'Squire; 'for may this glass
suffocate me but a fine girl is worth all the priestcraft in the
creation. For what are tythes and tricks but an imposition, all a
confounded imposture, and I can prove it.'--'I wish you would,' cried my
son Moses, 'and I think,' continued he, 'that I should be able to answer
you.'--'Very well, Sir,' cried the 'Squire, who immediately smoaked
him,' and winking on the rest of the company, to prepare us for the
sport, if you are for a cool argument upon that subject, I am ready
to accept the challenge. And first, whether are you for managing it
analogically, or dialogically?' 'I am for managing it rationally,' cried
Moses, quite happy at being permitted to dispute. 'Good again,' cried
the 'Squire, 'and firstly, of the first. I hope you'll not deny
that whatever is is. If you don't grant me that, I can go no
further.'--'Why,' returned Moses, 'I think I may grant that, and make
the best of it.'--'I hope too,' returned the other, 'you'll grant that
a part is less than the whole.' 'I grant that too,' cried Moses, 'it is
but just and reasonable.'--'I hope,' cried the 'Squire, 'you will
not deny, that the two angles of a triangle are equal to two right
ones.'--'Nothing can be plainer,' returned t'other, and looked round
with his usual importance.--'Very well,' cried the 'Squire, speaking
very quick, 'the premises being thus settled, I proceed to observe,
that the concatenation of self existences, proceeding in a reciprocal
duplicate ratio, naturally produce a problematical dialogism, which in
some measure proves that the essence of spirituality may be referred to
the second predicable'--'Hold, hold,' cried the other, 'I deny that:
Do you think I can thus tamely submit to such heterodox
doctrines?'--'What,' replied the 'Squire, as if in a passion, 'not
submit! Answer me one plain question: Do you think Aristotle right
when he says, that relatives are related?' 'Undoubtedly,' replied the
other.--'If so then,' cried the 'Squire, 'answer me directly to what I
propose: Whether do you judge the analytical investigation of the first
part of my enthymem deficient secundum quoad, or quoad minus, and give
me your reasons: give me your reasons, I say, directly.'--'I protest,'
cried Moses, 'I don't rightly comprehend the force of your reasoning;
but if it be reduced to one simple proposition, I fancy it may then have
an answer.'--'O sir,' cried the 'Squire, 'I am your most humble servant,
I find you want me to furnish you with argument and intellects too. No,
sir, there I protest you are too hard for me.' This effectually raised
the laugh against poor Moses, who sate the only dismal figure in a
groupe of merry faces: nor, did he offer a single syllable more during
the whole entertainment.

But though all this gave me no pleasure, it had a very different effect
upon Olivia, who mistook it for humour, though but a mere act of the
memory. She thought him therefore a very fine gentleman; and such as
consider what powerful ingredients a good figure, fine cloaths, and
fortune, are in that character, will easily forgive her. Mr Thornhill,
notwithstanding his real ignorance, talked with ease, and could
expatiate upon the common topics of conversation with fluency. It is not
surprising then that such talents should win the affections of a girl,
who by education was taught to value an appearance in herself, and
consequently to set a value upon it in another.

Upon his departure, we again entered into a debate upon the merits of
our young landlord. As he directed his looks and conversation to Olivia,
it was no longer doubted but that she was the object that induced him to
be our visitor. Nor did she seem to be much displeased at the innocent
raillery of her brother and sister upon this occasion. Even Deborah
herself seemed to share the glory of the day, and exulted in her
daughter's victory as if it were her own. 'And now, my dear,' cried
she to me, 'I'll fairly own, that it was I that instructed my girls to
encourage our landlord's addresses. I had always some ambition, and
you now see that I was right; for who knows how this may end?' 'Ay, who
knows that indeed,' answered I, with a groan: 'for my part I don't much
like it; and I could have been better pleased with one that was poor and
honest, than this fine gentleman with his fortune and infidelity; for
depend on't, if he be what I suspect him, no free-thinker shall ever
have a child of mine.' 'Sure, father,' cried Moses, 'you are too severe
in this; for heaven will never arraign him for what he thinks, but for
what he does. Every man has a thousand vicious thoughts, which arise
without his power to suppress. Thinking freely of religion, may be
involuntary with this gentleman: so that allowing his sentiments to be
wrong, yet as he is purely passive in his assent, he is no more to be
blamed for his errors than the governor of a city without walls for the
shelter he is obliged to afford an invading enemy.'

'True, my son,' cried I; 'but if the governor invites the enemy, there
he is justly culpable. And such is always the case with those who
embrace error. The vice does not lie in assenting to the proofs they
see; but in being blind to many of the proofs that offer. So that,
though our erroneous opinions be involuntary when formed, yet as we have
been wilfully corrupt, or very negligent in forming them, we deserve
punishment for our vice, or contempt for our folly.' My wife now kept
up the conversation, though not the argument: she observed, that several
very prudent men of our acquaintance were free-thinkers, and made very
good husbands; and she knew some sensible girls that had skill enough to
make converts of their spouses: 'And who knows, my dear,' continued she,
'what Olivia may be able to do. The girl has a great deal to say upon
every subject, and to my knowledge is very well skilled in controversy.'

'Why, my dear, what controversy can she have read?' cried I. 'It does
not occur to me that I ever put such books into her hands: you certainly
over-rate her merit.' 'Indeed, pappa,' replied Olivia, 'she does not: I
have read a great deal of controversy. I have read the disputes between
Thwackum and Square; the controversy between Robinson Crusoe and
Friday the savage, and I am now employed in reading the controversy in
Religious courtship'--'Very well,' cried I, 'that's a good girl, I find
you are perfectly qualified for making converts, and so go help your
mother to make the gooseberry-pye.'



CHAPTER 8

     An amour, which promises little good fortune, yet may be
     productive of much


The next morning we were again visited by Mr Burchell, though I began,
for certain reasons, to be displeased with the frequency of his return;
but I could not refuse him my company and fire-side. It is true his
labour more than requited his entertainment; for he wrought among us
with vigour, and either in the meadow or at the hay-rick put himself
foremost. Besides, he had always something amusing to say that lessened
our toil, and was at once so out of the way, and yet so sensible, that
I loved, laughed at, and pitied him. My only dislike arose from an
attachment he discovered to my daughter: he would, in a jesting manner,
call her his little mistress, and when he bought each of the girls a
set of ribbands, hers was the finest. I knew not how, but he every day
seemed to become more amiable, his wit to improve, and his simplicity to
assume the superior airs of wisdom.

Our family dined in the field, and we sate, or rather reclined, round a
temperate repast, our cloth spread upon the hay, while Mr Burchell gave
cheerfulness to the feast. To heighten our satisfaction two blackbirds
answered each other from opposite hedges, the familiar redbreast came
and pecked the crumbs from our hands, and every sound seemed but the
echo of tranquillity. 'I never sit thus,' says Sophia, 'but I think of
the two lovers, so sweetly described by Mr Gay, who were struck dead in
each other's arms. There is something so pathetic in the description,
that I have read it an hundred times with new rapture.'--'In my
opinion,' cried my son, 'the finest strokes in that description are much
below those in the Acis and Galatea of Ovid. The Roman poet understands
the use of contrast better, and upon that figure artfully managed
all strength in the pathetic depends.'--'It is remarkable,' cried Mr
Burchell, 'that both the poets you mention have equally contributed to
introduce a false taste into their respective countries, by loading all
their lines with epithet. Men of little genius found them most easily
imitated in their defects, and English poetry, like that in the latter
empire of Rome, is nothing at present but a combination of luxuriant
images, without plot or connexion; a string of epithets that improve the
sound, without carrying on the sense. But perhaps, madam, while I
thus reprehend others, you'll think it just that I should give them an
opportunity to retaliate, and indeed I have made this remark only to
have an opportunity of introducing to the company a ballad, which,
whatever be its other defects, is I think at least free from those I
have mentioned.'


A BALLAD.

'Turn, gentle hermit of the dale, And guide my lonely way, To where yon
taper cheers the vale, With hospitable ray.

'For here forlorn and lost I tread, With fainting steps and slow; Where
wilds immeasurably spread, Seem lengthening as I go.'

'Forbear, my son,' the hermit cries, 'To tempt the dangerous gloom; For
yonder faithless phantom flies To lure thee to thy doom.

'Here to the houseless child of want, My door is open still; And tho' my
portion is but scant, I give it with good will.

'Then turn to-night, and freely share Whate'er my cell bestows; My rushy
couch, and frugal fare, My blessing and repose.

'No flocks that range the valley free, To slaughter I condemn: Taught by
that power that pities me, I learn to pity them.

'But from the mountain's grassy side, A guiltless feast I bring; A scrip
with herbs and fruits supply'd, And water from the spring.

'Then, pilgrim, turn, thy cares forego; All earth-born cares are wrong:
Man wants but little here below, Nor wants that little long.'

Soft as the dew from heav'n descends, His gentle accents fell: The
modest stranger lowly bends, And follows to the cell.

Far in a wilderness obscure The lonely mansion lay; A refuge to the
neighbouring poor, And strangers led astray.

No stores beneath its humble thatch Requir'd a master's care; The wicket
opening with a latch, Receiv'd the harmless pair.

And now when busy crowds retire To take their evening rest, The hermit
trimm'd his little fire, And cheer'd his pensive guest:

And spread his vegetable store, And gayly prest, and smil'd; And skill'd
in legendary lore, The lingering hours beguil'd.

Around in sympathetic mirth Its tricks the kitten tries, The cricket
chirrups in the hearth; The crackling <DW19> flies.

But nothing could a charm impart To sooth the stranger's woe; For grief
was heavy at his heart, And tears began to flow.

His rising cares the hermit spy'd, With answering care opprest: 'And
whence, unhappy youth,' he cry'd, 'The sorrows of thy breast?

'From better habitations spurn'd, Reluctant dost thou rove; Or grieve
for friendship unreturn'd, Or unregarded love?

'Alas! the joys that fortune brings, Are trifling and decay; And those
who prize the paltry things, More trifling still than they.

'And what is friendship but a name, A charm that lulls to sleep; A shade
that follows wealth or fame, But leaves the wretch to weep?

'And love is still an emptier sound, The modern fair one's jest: On
earth unseen, or only found To warm the turtle's nest.

'For shame fond youth thy sorrows hush And spurn the sex,' he said: But
while he spoke a rising blush His love-lorn guest betray'd.

Surpriz'd he sees new beauties rise, Swift mantling to the view; Like
colours o'er the morning skies, As bright, as transient too.

The bashful look, the rising breast, Alternate spread alarms: The lovely
stranger stands confest A maid in all her charms.

'And, ah,'forgive a stranger rude, A wretch forlorn,' she cry'd; 'Whose
feet unhallowed thus intrude Where heaven and you reside.

'But let a maid thy pity share, Whom love has taught to stray; Who seeks
for rest, but finds despair Companion of her way.

'My father liv'd beside the Tyne, A wealthy Lord was he; And all his
wealth was mark'd as mine, He had but only me.

'To win me from his tender arms, Unnumber'd suitors came; Who prais'd me
for imputed charms, And felt or feign'd a flame.

'Each hour a mercenary crowd, With richest proffers strove: Among the
rest young Edwin bow'd, But never talk'd of love.

'In humble simplest habit clad, No wealth nor power had he; Wisdom and
worth were all he had, But these were all to me.

'The blossom opening to the day, The dews of heaven refin'd, Could
nought of purity display, To emulate his mind.

'The dew, the blossom on the tree, With charms inconstant shine; Their
charms were his, but woe to me, Their constancy was mine.

'For still I try'd each fickle art, Importunate and vain; And while his
passion touch'd my heart, I triumph'd in his pain.

'Till quite dejected with my scorn, He left me to my pride; And sought a
solitude forlorn, In secret where he died.

'But mine the sorrow, mine the fault, And well my life shall pay; I'll
seek the solitude he sought, And stretch me where he lay.

'And there forlorn despairing hid, I'll lay me down and die: 'Twas so
for me that Edwin did, And so for him will I.'

'Forbid it heaven!' the hermit cry'd, And clasp'd her to his breast: The
wondering fair one turn'd to chide, 'Twas Edwin's self that prest.

'Turn, Angelina, ever dear, My charmer, turn to see, Thy own, thy
long-lost Edwin here, Restor'd to love and thee.

'Thus let me hold thee to my heart, And ev'ry care resign: And shall we
never, never part, My life,--my all that's mine.

'No, never, from this hour to part, We'll live and love so true; The
sigh that tends thy constant heart, Shall break thy Edwin's too.'

While this ballad was reading, Sophia seemed to mix an air of tenderness
with her approbation. But our tranquillity was soon disturbed by
the report of a gun just by us, and immediately after a man was seen
bursting through the hedge, to take up the game he had killed. This
sportsman was the 'Squire's chaplain, who had shot one of the blackbirds
that so agreeably entertained us. So loud a report, and so near,
startled my daughters; and I could perceive that Sophia in the fright
had thrown herself into Mr Burchell's arms for protection. The gentleman
came up, and asked pardon for having disturbed us, affirming that he
was ignorant of our being so near. He therefore sate down by my youngest
daughter, and, sportsman like, offered her what he had killed that
morning. She was going to refuse, but a private look from her mother
soon induced her to correct the mistake, and accept his present, though
with some reluctance. My wife, as usual, discovered her pride in a
whisper, observing, that Sophy had made a conquest of the chaplain, as
well as her sister had of the 'Squire. I suspected, however, with more
probability, that her affections were placed upon a different object.
The chaplain's errand was to inform us, that Mr Thornhill had provided
music and refreshments, and intended that night giving the young ladies
a ball by moon-light, on the grass-plot before our door. 'Nor can I
deny,' continued he, 'but I have an interest in being first to deliver
this message, as I expect for my reward to be honoured with miss Sophy's
hand as a partner.' To this my girl replied, that she should have no
objection, if she could do it with honour: 'But here,' continued she,
'is a gentleman,' looking at Mr Burchell, 'who has been my companion in
the task for the day, and it is fit he should share in its amusements.'
Mr Burchell returned her a compliment for her intentions; but resigned
her up to the chaplain, adding that he was to go that night five miles,
being invited to an harvest supper. His refusal appeared to me a
little extraordinary, nor could I conceive how so sensible a girl as
my youngest, could thus prefer a man of broken fortunes to one
whose expectations were much greater. But as men are most capable of
distinguishing merit in women, so the ladies often form the truest
judgments of us. The two sexes seem placed as spies upon each other, and
are furnished with different abilities, adapted for mutual inspection.



CHAPTER 9

     Two ladies of great distinction introduced. Superior finery
     ever seems to confer superior breeding


Mr Burchell had scarce taken leave, and Sophia consented to dance with
the chaplain, when my little ones came running out to tell us that the
'Squire was come, with a crowd of company. Upon our return, we found our
landlord, with a couple of under gentlemen and two young ladies richly
drest, whom he introduced as women of very great distinction and fashion
from town. We happened not to have chairs enough for the whole company;
but Mr Thornhill immediately proposed that every gentleman should sit in
a lady's lap. This I positively objected to, notwithstanding a look of
disapprobation from my wife. Moses was therefore dispatched to borrow a
couple of chairs; and as we were in want of ladies to make up a set at
country dances, the two gentlemen went with him in quest of a couple of
partners. Chairs and partners were soon provided. The gentlemen returned
with my neighbour Flamborough's rosy daughters, flaunting with red
top-knots, but an unlucky circumstance was not adverted to; though the
Miss Flamboroughs were reckoned the very best dancers in the parish,
and understood the jig and the round-about to perfection; yet they were
totally unacquainted with country dances.' This at first discomposed us:
however, after a little shoving and dragging, they at last went merrily
on. Our music consisted of two fiddles, with a pipe and tabor. The moon
shone bright, Mr Thornhill and my eldest daughter led up the ball, to
the great delight of the spectators; for the neighbours hearing what was
going forward, came flocking about us. My girl moved with so much grace
and vivacity, that my wife could not avoid discovering the pride of her
heart, by assuring me, that though the little chit did it so cleverly,
all the steps were stolen from herself. The ladies of the town strove
hard to be equally easy, but without success. They swam, sprawled,
languished, and frisked; but all would not do: the gazers indeed owned
that it was fine; but neighbour Flamborough observed, that Miss Livy's
feet seemed as pat to the music as its echo. After the dance had
continued about an hour, the two ladies, who were apprehensive of
catching cold, moved to break up the ball. One of them, I thought,
expressed her sentiments upon this occasion in a very coarse manner,
when she observed, that by the living jingo, she was all of a muck
of sweat. Upon our return to the house, we found a very elegant cold
supper, which Mr Thornhill had ordered to be brought with him. The
conversation at this time was more reserved than before. The two ladies
threw my girls quite into the shade; for they would talk of nothing but
high life, and high lived company; with other fashionable topics, such
as pictures, taste, Shakespear, and the musical glasses. 'Tis true they
once or twice mortified us sensibly by slipping out an oath; but that
appeared to me as the surest symptom of their distinction, (tho' I am
since informed that swearing is perfectly unfashionable.) Their finery,
however, threw a veil over any grossness in their conversation. My
daughters seemed to regard their superior accomplishments with envy; and
what appeared amiss was ascribed to tip-top quality breeding. But
the condescension of the ladies was still superior to their other
accomplishments. One of them observed, that had miss Olivia seen a
little more of the world, it would greatly improve her. To which the
other added, that a single winter in town would make her little Sophia
quite another thing. My wife warmly assented to both; adding, that there
was nothing she more ardently wished than to give her girls a single
winter's polishing. To this I could not help replying, that their
breeding was already superior to their fortune; and that greater
refinement would only serve to make their poverty ridiculous, and give
them a taste for pleasures they had no right to possess.--'And what
pleasures,' cried Mr Thornhill, 'do they not deserve to possess, who
have so much in their power to bestow? As for my part,' continued he,
'my fortune is pretty large, love, liberty, and pleasure, are my maxims;
but curse me if a settlement of half my estate could give my charming
Olivia pleasure, it should be hers; and the only favour I would ask in
return would be to add myself to the benefit.' I was not such a stranger
to the world as to be ignorant that this was the fashionable cant to
disguise the insolence of the basest proposal; but I made an effort
to suppress my resentment. 'Sir,' cried I, 'the family which you now
condescend to favour with your company, has been bred with as nice a
sense of honour as you. Any attempts to injure that, may be attended
with very dangerous consequences. Honour, Sir, is our only possession at
present, and of that last treasure we must be particularly careful.'--I
was soon sorry for the warmth with which I had spoken this, when the
young gentleman, grasping my hand, swore he commended my spirit, though
he disapproved my suspicions. 'As to your present hint,' continued he,
'I protest nothing was farther from my heart than such a thought. No,
by all that's tempting, the virtue that will stand a regular siege was
never to my taste; for all my amours are carried by a coup de main.'

The two ladies, who affected to be ignorant of the rest, seemed highly
displeased with this last stroke of freedom, and began a very discreet
and serious dialogue upon virtue: in this my wife, the chaplain, and I,
soon joined; and the 'Squire himself was at last brought to confess a
sense of sorrow for his former excesses. We talked of the pleasures of
temperance, and of the sun-shine in the mind unpolluted with guilt. I
was so well pleased, that my little ones were kept up beyond the usual
time to be edified by so much good conversation. Mr Thornhill even went
beyond me, and demanded if I had any objection to giving prayers. I
joyfully embraced the proposal, and in this manner the night was passed
in a most comfortable way, till at last the company began to think of
returning. The ladies seemed very unwilling to part with my daughters;
for whom they had conceived a particular affection, and joined in a
request to have the pleasure of their company home. The 'Squire seconded
the proposal, and my wife added her entreaties: the girls too looked
upon me as if they wished to go. In this perplexity I made two or three
excuses, which my daughters as readily removed; so that at last I was
obliged to give a peremptory refusal; for which we had nothing but
sullen looks and short answers the whole day ensuing.



CHAPTER 10

     The family endeavours to cope with their betters. The
     miseries of the poor when they attempt to appear above their
     circumstances


I now began to find that all my long and painful lectures upon
temperance, simplicity, and contentment, were entirely disregarded. The
distinctions lately paid us by our betters awaked that pride which I
had laid asleep, but not removed. Our windows again, as formerly, were
filled with washes for the neck and face. The sun was dreaded as an
enemy to the skin without doors, and the fire as a spoiler of the
complexion within. My wife observed, that rising too early would hurt
her daughters' eyes, that working after dinner would redden their noses,
and she convinced me that the hands never looked so white as when they
did nothing. Instead therefore of finishing George's shirts, we now had
them new modelling their old gauzes, or flourishing upon catgut. The
poor Miss Flamboroughs, their former gay companions, were cast off as
mean acquaintance, and the whole conversation ran upon high life and
high lived company, with pictures, taste, Shakespear, and the musical
glasses.

But we could have borne all this, had not a fortune-telling gypsey come
to raise us into perfect sublimity. The tawny sybil no sooner appeared,
than my girls came running to me for a shilling a piece to cross her
hand with silver. To say the truth, I was tired of being always wise,
and could not help gratifying their request, because I loved to see them
happy. I gave each of them a shilling; though, for the honour of
the family, it must be observed, that they never went without money
themselves, as my wife always generously let them have a guinea each, to
keep in their pockets; but with strict injunctions never to change it.
After they had been closetted up with the fortune-teller for some time,
I knew by their looks, upon their returning, that they had been promised
something great.--'Well, my girls, how have you sped? Tell me, Livy, has
the fortune-teller given thee a pennyworth?'--'I protest, pappa,' says
the girl, 'I believe she deals with some body that's not right; for she
positively declared, that I am to be married to a 'Squire in less than a
twelvemonth!'--'Well now, Sophy, my child,' said I, 'and what sort of a
husband are you to have?' 'Sir,' replied she, 'I am to have a Lord soon
after my sister has married the 'Squire.'--'How,' cried I, 'is that all
you are to have for your two shillings! Only a Lord and a 'Squire for
two shillings! You fools, I could have promised you a Prince and a Nabob
for half the money.' This curiosity of theirs, however, was attended
with very serious effects: we now began to think ourselves designed
by the stars for something exalted, and already anticipated our future
grandeur. It has been a thousand times observed, and I must observe it
once more, that the hours we pass with happy prospects in view, are more
pleasing than those crowned with fruition. In the first case we cook the
dish to our own appetite; in the latter nature cooks it for us. It is
impossible to repeat the train of agreeable reveries we called up for
our entertainment. We looked upon our fortunes as once more rising;
and as the whole parish asserted that the 'Squire was in love with my
daughter, she was actually so with him; for they persuaded her into the
passion. In this agreeable interval, my wife had the most lucky dreams
in the world, which she took care to tell us every morning, with great
solemnity and exactness. It was one night a coffin and cross bones,
the sign of an approaching wedding: at another time she imagined her
daughters' pockets filled with farthings, a certain sign of their being
shortly stuffed with gold. The girls themselves had their omens. They
felt strange kisses on their lips; they saw rings in the candle, purses
bounced from the fire, and true love-knots lurked in the bottom of every
tea-cup.

Towards the end of the week we received a card from the town ladies;
in which, with their compliments, they hoped to see all our family at
church the Sunday following. All Saturday morning I could perceive, in
consequence of this, my wife and daughters in close conference together,
and now and then glancing at me with looks that betrayed a latent plot.
To be sincere, I had strong suspicions that some absurd proposal was
preparing for appearing with splendor the next day. In the evening they
began their operations in a very regular manner, and my wife undertook
to conduct the siege. After tea, when I seemed in spirits, she began
thus.--'I fancy, Charles, my dear, we shall have a great deal of good
company at our church to-morrow,'--'Perhaps we may, my dear,' returned
I; 'though you need be under no uneasiness about that, you shall have a
sermon whether there be or not.'--'That is what I expect,' returned she;
'but I think, my dear, we ought to appear there as decently as possible,
for who knows what may happen?' 'Your precautions,' replied I, 'are
highly commendable. A decent behaviour and appearance in church is what
charms me. We should be devout and humble, chearful and serene.'--'Yes,'
cried she, 'I know that; but I mean we should go there in as proper a
manner as possible; not altogether like the scrubs about us.' 'You are
quite right, my dear,' returned I, 'and I was going to make the very
same proposal. The proper manner of going is, to go there as early
as possible, to have time for meditation before the service
begins.'--'Phoo, Charles,' interrupted she, 'all that is very true; but
not what I would be at. I mean, we should go there genteelly. You
know the church is two miles off, and I protest I don't like to see my
daughters trudging up to their pew all blowzed and red with walking,
and, looking for all the world as if they had been winners at a smock
race. Now, my dear, my proposal is this: there are our two plow horses,
the Colt that has been in our family these nine years, and his companion
Blackberry, that have scarce done an earthly thing for this month past.
They are both grown fat and lazy. Why should not they do something as
well as we? And let me tell you, when Moses has trimmed them a little,
they will cut a very tolerable figure.' To this proposal I objected,
that walking would be twenty times more genteel than such a paltry
conveyance, as Blackberry was wall-eyed, and the Colt wanted a tail:
that they had never been broke to the rein; but had an hundred vicious
tricks; and that we had but one saddle and pillion in the whole house.
All these objections, however, were over-ruled; so that I was obliged
to comply. The next morning I perceived them not a little busy in
collecting such materials as might be necessary for the expedition; but
as I found it would be a business of time, I walked on to the church
before, and they promised speedily to follow. I waited near an hour
in the reading desk for their arrival; but not finding them come as
expected, I was obliged to begin, and went through the service, not
without some uneasiness at finding them absent. This was encreased when
all was finished, and no appearance of the family. I therefore walked
back by the horse-way, which was five miles round, tho' the foot-way
was but two, and when got about half way home, perceived the procession
marching slowly forward towards the church; my son, my wife, and the two
little ones exalted upon one horse, and my two daughters upon the other.
I demanded the cause of their delay; but I soon found by their looks
they had met with a thousand misfortunes on the road. The horses had at
first refused to move from the door, till Mr Burchell was kind enough to
beat them forward for about two hundred yards with his cudgel. Next the
straps of my wife's pillion broke down, and they were obliged to stop
to repair them before they could proceed. After that, one of the horses
took it into his head to stand still, and neither blows nor entreaties
could prevail with him to proceed. It was just recovering from this
dismal situation that I found them; but perceiving every thing safe, I
own their present mortification did not much displease me, as it would
give me many opportunities of future triumph, and teach my daughters
more humility.



CHAPTER 11

     The family still resolve to hold up their heads


Michaelmas eve happening on the next day, we were invited to burn nuts
and play tricks at neighbour Flamborough's. Our late mortifications had
humbled us a little, or it is probable we might have rejected such an
invitation with contempt: however, we suffered ourselves to be
happy. Our honest neighbour's goose and dumplings were fine, and the
lamb's-wool, even in the opinion of my wife, who was a connoiseur, was
excellent. It is true, his manner of telling stories was not quite so
well. They were very long, and very dull, and all about himself, and we
had laughed at them ten times before: however, we were kind enough to
laugh at them once more.

Mr Burchell, who was of the party, was always fond of seeing some
innocent amusement going forward, and set the boys and girls to blind
man's buff. My wife too was persuaded to join in the diversion, and it
gave me pleasure to think she was not yet too old. In the mean time, my
neighbour and I looked on, laughed at every feat, and praised our own
dexterity when we were young. Hot cockles succeeded next, questions
and commands followed that, and last of all, they sate down to hunt
the slipper. As every person may not be acquainted with this primaeval
pastime, it may be necessary to observe, that the company at this play
themselves in a ring upon the ground, all, except one who stands in the
middle, whose business it is to catch a shoe, which the company shove
about under their hams from one to another, something like a weaver's
shuttle. As it is impossible, in this case, for the lady who is up
to face all the company at once, the great beauty of the play lies in
hitting her a thump with the heel of the shoe on that side least capable
of making a defence. It was in this manner that my eldest daughter was
hemmed in, and thumped about, all blowzed, in spirits, and bawling for
fair play, fair play, with a voice that might deafen a ballad singer,
when confusion on confusion, who should enter the room but our two great
acquaintances from town, Lady Blarney and Miss Carolina Wilelmina Amelia
Skeggs! Description would but beggar, therefore it is unnecessary to
describe this new mortification. Death! To be seen by ladies of such
high breeding in such vulgar attitudes! Nothing better could ensue from
such a vulgar play of Mr Flamborough's proposing. We seemed stuck to the
ground for some time, as if actually petrified with amazement.

The two ladies had been at our house to see us, and finding us from
home, came after us hither, as they were uneasy to know what accident
could have kept us from church the day before. Olivia undertook to be
our prolocutor, and delivered the whole in a summary way, only saying,
'We were thrown from our horses.' At which account the ladies were
greatly concerned; but being told the family received no hurt, they were
extremely glad: but being informed that we were almost killed by the
fright, they were vastly sorry; but hearing that we had a very good
night, they were extremely glad again. Nothing could exceed their
complaisance to my daughters; their professions the last evening were
warm, but now they were ardent. They protested a desire of having a more
lasting acquaintance. Lady Blarney was particularly attached to Olivia;
Miss Carolina Wilelmina Amelia Skeggs (I love to give the whole name)
took a greater fancy to her sister. They supported the conversation
between themselves, while my daughters sate silent, admiring their
exalted breeding. But as every reader, however beggarly himself, is fond
of high-lived dialogues, with anecdotes of Lords, Ladies, and Knights
of the Garter, I must beg leave to give him the concluding part of
the present conversation. 'All that I know of the matter,' cried Miss
Skeggs, 'is this, that it may be true, or it may not be true: but this I
can assure your Ladyship, that the whole rout was in amaze; his Lordship
turned all manner of colours, my Lady fell into a sound; but Sir Tomkyn,
drawing his sword, swore he was her's to the last drop of his blood.'
'Well,' replied our Peeress, 'this I can say, that the Dutchess never
told me a syllable of the matter, and I believe her Grace would keep
nothing a secret from me. This you may depend upon as fact, that the
next morning my Lord Duke cried out three times to his valet de chambre,
Jernigan, Jernigan, Jernigan, bring me my garters.'

But previously I should have mentioned the very impolite behaviour of Mr
Burchell, who, during this discourse, sate with his face turned to the
fire, and at the conclusion of every sentence would cry out FUDGE!
an expression which displeased us all, and in some measure damped the
rising spirit of the conversation.

'Besides, my dear Skeggs,' continued our Peeress, 'there is nothing
of this in the copy of verses that Dr Burdock made upon the
occasion.'--'FUDGE!'

'I am surprised at that,' cried Miss Skeggs; 'for he seldom leaves
any thing out, as he writes only for his own amusement. But can your
Ladyship favour me with a sight of them?'--'FUDGE!'

'My dear creature,' replied our Peeress, 'do you think I carry such
things about me? Though they are very fine to be sure, and I think
myself something of a judge; at least I know what pleases myself. Indeed
I was ever an admirer of all Doctor Burdock's little pieces; for except
what he does, and our dear Countess at Hanover-Square, there's nothing
comes out but the most lowest stuff in nature; not a bit of high life
among them.'--'FUDGE!'

'Your Ladyship should except,' says t'other, 'your own things in the
Lady's Magazine. I hope you'll say there's nothing low lived there? But
I suppose we are to have no more from that quarter?'--'FUDGE!'

'Why, my dear,' says the Lady, 'you know my reader and companion has
left me, to be married to Captain Roach, and as my poor eyes won't
suffer me to write myself, I have been for some time looking out for
another. A proper person is no easy matter to find, and to be sure
thirty pounds a year is a small stipend for a well-bred girl of
character, that can read, write, and behave in company; as for the chits
about town, there is no bearing them about one.'--'FUDGE!'

'That I know,' cried Miss Skeggs, 'by experience. For of the three
companions I had this last half year, one of them refused to do
plain-work an hour in the day, another thought twenty-five guineas
a year too small a salary, and I was obliged to send away the third,
because I suspected an intrigue with the chaplain. Virtue, my dear
Lady Blarney, virtue is worth any price; but where is that to be
found?'--'FUDGE!'

My wife had been for a long time all attention to this discourse; but
was particularly struck with the latter part of it. Thirty pounds and
twenty-five guineas a year made fifty-six pounds five shillings English
money, all which was in a manner going a-begging, and might easily
be secured in the family. She for a moment studied my looks for
approbation; and, to own a truth, I was of opinion, that two such places
would fit our two daughters exactly. Besides, if the 'Squire had any
real affection for my eldest daughter, this would be the way to make her
every way qualified for her fortune. My wife therefore was resolved that
we should not be deprived of such advantages for want of assurance,
and undertook to harangue for the family. 'I hope,' cried she, 'your
Ladyships will pardon my present presumption. It is true, we have no
right to pretend to such favours; but yet it is natural for me to wish
putting my children forward in the world. And I will be bold to say my
two girls have had a pretty good education, and capacity, at least the
country can't shew better. They can read, write, and cast accompts; they
understand their needle, breadstitch, cross and change, and all manner
of plain-work; they can pink, point, and frill; and know something of
music; they can do up small cloaths, work upon catgut; my eldest can cut
paper, and my youngest has a very pretty manner of telling fortunes upon
the cards.'--'FUDGE!'

When she had delivered this pretty piece of eloquence, the two ladies
looked at each other a few minutes in silence, with an air of doubt and
importance. At last, Miss Carolina Wilelmina Amelia Skeggs condescended
to observe, that the young ladies, from the opinion she could form
of them from so slight an acquaintance, seemed very fit for such
employments: 'But a thing of this kind, Madam,' cried she, addressing
my spouse, requires a thorough examination into characters, and a more
perfect knowledge of each other. Not, Madam,' continued she, 'that I in
the least suspect the young ladies virtue, prudence and discretion; but
there is a form in these things, Madam, there is a form.'

My wife approved her suspicions very much, observing, that she was very
apt to be suspicious herself; but referred her to all the neighbours
for a character: but this our Peeress declined as unnecessary, alledging
that her cousin Thornhill's recommendation would be sufficient, and upon
this we rested our petition.



CHAPTER 12

     Fortune seems resolved to humble the family of Wakefield.
     Mortifications are often more painful than real calamities


When we were returned home, the night was dedicated to schemes of future
conquest. Deborah exerted much sagacity in conjecturing which of the
two girls was likely to have the best place, and most opportunities
of seeing good company. The only obstacle to our preferment was in
obtaining the 'Squire's recommendation; but he had already shewn us too
many instances of his friendship to doubt of it now. Even in bed my
wife kept up the usual theme: 'Well, faith, my dear Charles, between
ourselves, I think we have made an excellent day's work of it.'--'Pretty
well,' cried I, not knowing what to say.--'What only pretty well!'
returned she. 'I think it is very well. Suppose the girls should come to
make acquaintances of taste in town! This I am assured of, that London
is the only place in the world for all manner of husbands. Besides, my
dear, stranger things happen every day: and as ladies of quality are so
taken with my daughters, what will not men of quality be! Entre nous, I
protest I like my Lady Blarney vastly, so very obliging. However, Miss
Carolina Wilelmina Anielia Skeggs has my warm heart. But yet, when they
came to talk of places in town, you saw at once how I nailed them.
Tell me, my dear, don't you think I did for my children there?'--'Ay,'
returned I, not knowing well what to think of the matter, 'heaven grant
they may be both the better for it this day three months!' This was one
of those observations I usually made to impress my wife with an opinion
of my sagacity; for if the girls succeeded, then it was a pious wish
fulfilled; but if any thing unfortunate ensued, then it might be looked
upon as a prophecy. All this conversation, however, was only preparatory
to another scheme, and indeed I dreaded as much. This was nothing less
than, that as we were now to hold up our heads a little higher in the
world, it would be proper to sell the Colt, which was grown old, at a
neighbouring fair, and buy us an horse that would carry single or double
upon an occasion, and make a pretty appearance at church or upon a
visit. This at first I opposed stoutly; but it was as stoutly defended.
However, as I weakened, my antagonist gained strength, till at last it
was resolved to part with him.

As the fair happened on the following day, I had intentions of going
myself, but my wife persuaded me that I had got a cold, and nothing
could prevail upon her to permit me from home. 'No, my dear,' said she,
'our son Moses is a discreet boy, and can buy and sell to very good
advantage; you know all our great bargains are of his purchasing. He
always stands out and higgles, and actually tires them till he gets a
bargain.'

As I had some opinion of my son's prudence, I was willing enough to
entrust him with this commission; and the next morning I perceived his
sisters mighty busy in fitting out Moses for the fair; trimming his
hair, brushing his buckles, and cocking his hat with pins. The business
of the toilet being over, we had at last the satisfaction of seeing
him mounted upon the Colt, with a deal box before him to bring home
groceries in. He had on a coat made of that cloth they call thunder and
lightning, which, though grown too short, was much too good to be thrown
away. His waistcoat was of gosling green, and his sisters had tied his
hair with a broad black ribband. We all followed him several paces, from
the door, bawling after him good luck, good luck, till we could see him
no longer.

He was scarce gone, when Mr Thornhill's butler came to congratulate
us upon our good fortune, saying, that he overheard his young master
mention our names with great commendation.

Good fortune seemed resolved not to come alone. Another footman from the
same family followed, with a card for my daughters, importing, that the
two ladies had received such pleasing accounts from Mr Thornhill of us
all, that, after a few previous enquiries, they hoped to be perfectly
satisfied. 'Ay,' cried my wife, I now see it is no easy matter to get
into the families of the great; but when one once gets in, then, as
Moses says, one may go sleep.' To this piece of humour, for she intended
it for wit, my daughters assented with a loud laugh of pleasure. In
short, such was her satisfaction at this message, that she actually put
her hand in her pocket, and gave the messenger seven-pence halfpenny.

This was to be our visiting-day. The next that came was Mr Burchell,
who had been at the fair. He brought my little ones a pennyworth of
gingerbread each, which my wife undertook to keep for them, and give
them by letters at a time. He brought my daughters also a couple of
boxes, in which they might keep wafers, snuff, patches, or even money,
when they got it. My wife was usually fond of a weesel skin purse, as
being the most lucky; but this by the bye. We had still a regard for
Mr Burchell, though his late rude behaviour was in some measure
displeasing; nor could we now avoid communicating our happiness to him,
and asking his advice: although we seldom followed advice, we were all
ready enough to ask it. When he read the note from the two ladies, he
shook his head, and observed, that an affair of this sort demanded the
utmost circumspection.--This air of diffidence highly displeased my
wife. 'I never doubted, Sir,' cried she, 'your readiness to be against
my daughters and me. You have more circumspection than is wanted.
However, I fancy when we come to ask advice, we will apply to persons
who seem to have made use of it themselves.'--'Whatever my own conduct
may have been, madam,' replied he, 'is not the present question; tho' as
I have made no use of advice myself, I should in conscience give it to
those that will.'--As I was apprehensive this answer might draw on
a repartee, making up by abuse what it wanted in wit, I changed the
subject, by seeming to wonder what could keep our son so long at the
fair, as it was now almost nightfall.--'Never mind our son,' cried my
wife, 'depend upon it he knows what he is about. I'll warrant we'll
never see him sell his hen of a rainy day. I have seen him buy such
bargains as would amaze one. I'll tell you a good story about that,
that will make you split your sides with laughing--But as I live, yonder
comes Moses, without an horse, and the box at his back.'

As she spoke, Moses came slowly on foot, and sweating under the deal
box, which he had strapt round his shoulders like a pedlar.--'Welcome,
welcome, Moses; well, my boy, what have you brought us from the
fair?'--'I have brought you myself,' cried Moses, with a sly look, and
resting the box on the dresser.--'Ay, Moses,' cried my wife, 'that we
know, but where is the horse?' 'I have sold him,' cried Moses, 'for
three pounds five shillings and two-pence.'--'Well done, my good boy,'
returned she, 'I knew you would touch them off. Between ourselves, three
pounds five shillings and two-pence is no bad day's work. Come, let us
have it then.'--'I have brought back no money,' cried Moses again. 'I
have laid it all out in a bargain, and here it is,' pulling out a bundle
from his breast: 'here they are; a groce of green spectacles, with
silver rims and shagreen cases.'--'A groce of green spectacles!'
repeated my wife in a faint voice. 'And you have parted with the
Colt, and brought us back nothing but a groce of green paltry
spectacles!'--'Dear mother,' cried the boy, 'why won't you listen to
reason? I had them a dead bargain, or I should not have bought them. The
silver rims alone will sell for double money.'--'A fig for the silver
rims,' cried my wife, in a passion: 'I dare swear they won't sell for
above half the money at the rate of broken silver, five shillings an
ounce.'--'You need be under no uneasiness,' cried I, 'about selling the
rims; for they are not worth six-pence, for I perceive they are only
copper varnished over.'--'What,' cried my wife, 'not silver, the rims
not silver!' 'No,' cried I, 'no more silver than your saucepan,'--'And
so,' returned she, 'we have parted with the Colt, and have only got
a groce of green spectacles, with copper rims and shagreen cases! A
murrain take such trumpery. The blockhead has been imposed upon, and
should have known his company better.'--'There, my dear,' cried I, 'you
are wrong, he should not have known them at all.'--'Marry, hang the
ideot,' returned she, 'to bring me such stuff, if I had them, I would
throw them in the fire.' 'There again you are wrong, my dear,' cried
I; 'for though they be copper, we will keep them by us, as copper
spectacles, you know, are better than nothing.'

By this time the unfortunate Moses was undeceived. He now saw that he
had indeed been imposed upon by a prowling sharper, who, observing
his figure, had marked him for an easy prey. I therefore asked the
circumstances of his deception. He sold the horse, it seems, and walked
the fair in search of another. A reverend looking man brought him to a
tent, under pretence of having one to sell. 'Here,' continued Moses, 'we
met another man, very well drest, who desired to borrow twenty pounds
upon these, saying, that he wanted money, and would dispose of them
for a third of the value. The first gentleman, who pretended to be my
friend, whispered me to buy them, and cautioned me not to let so good an
offer pass. I sent for Mr Flamborough, and they talked him up as finely
as they did me, and so at last we were persuaded to buy the two groce
between us.'



CHAPTER 13

     Mr Burchell is found to be an enemy; for he has the
     confidence to give disagreeable advice


Our family had now made several attempts to be fine; but some unforeseen
disaster demolished each as soon as projected. I endeavoured to take
the advantage of every disappointment, to improve their good sense in
proportion as they were frustrated in ambition. 'You see, my children,'
cried I, 'how little is to be got by attempts to impose upon the world,
in coping with our betters. Such as are poor and will associate with
none but the rich, are hated by those they avoid, and despised by these
they follow. Unequal combinations are always disadvantageous to
the weaker side: the rich having the pleasure, and the poor the
inconveniencies that result from them. But come, Dick, my boy, and
repeat the fable that you were reading to-day, for the good of the
company.'.

'Once upon a time,' cried the child, 'a Giant and a Dwarf were friends,
and kept together. They made a bargain that they would never forsake
each other, but go seek adventures. The first battle they fought was
with two Saracens, and the Dwarf, who was very courageous, dealt one
of the champions a most angry blow. It did the Saracen but very little
injury, who lifting up his sword, fairly struck off the poor Dwarf's
arm. He was now in a woeful plight; but the Giant coming to his
assistance, in a short time left the two Saracens dead on the plain, and
the Dwarf cut off the dead man's head out of spite. They then travelled
on to another adventure. This was against three bloody-minded Satyrs,
who were carrying away a damsel in distress. The Dwarf was not quite so
fierce now as before; but for all that, struck the first blow, which was
returned by another, that knocked out his eye: but the Giant was soon up
with them, and had they not fled, would certainly have killed them every
one. They were all very joyful for this victory, and the damsel who
was relieved fell in love with the Giant, and married him. They now
travelled far, and farther than I can tell, till they met with a company
of robbers. The Giant, for the first time, was foremost now; but the
Dwarf was not far behind. The battle was stout and long. Wherever the
Giant came all fell before him; but the Dwarf had like to have been
killed more than once. At last the victory declared for the two
adventurers; but the Dwarf lost his leg. The Dwarf was now without an
arm, a leg, and an eye, while the Giant was without a single wound. Upon
which he cried out to his little companion, My little heroe, this is
glorious sport; let us get one victory more, and then we shall have
honour for ever. No, cries the Dwarf who was by this time grown wiser,
no, I declare off; I'll fight no more; for I find in every battle that
you get all the honour and rewards, but all the blows fall upon me.'

I was going to moralize this fable, when our attention was called off
to a warm dispute between my wife and Mr Burchell, upon my daughters
intended expedition to town. My wife very strenuously insisted upon
the advantages that would result from it. Mr Burchell, on the contrary,
dissuaded her with great ardor, and I stood neuter. His present
dissuasions seemed but the second part of those which were received with
so ill a grace in the morning. The dispute grew high while poor Deborah,
instead of reasoning stronger, talked louder, and at last was obliged to
take shelter from a defeat in clamour. The conclusion of her harangue,
however, was highly displeasing to us all: she knew, she said, of some
who had their own secret reasons for what they advised; but, for
her part, she wished such to stay away from her house for the
future.--'Madam,' cried Burchell, with looks of great composure, which
tended to enflame her the more, 'as for secret reasons, you are right:
I have secret reasons, which I forbear to mention, because you are not
able to answer those of which I make no secret: but I find my visits
here are become troublesome; I'll take my leave therefore now, and
perhaps come once more to take a final farewell when I am quitting the
country.' Thus saying, he took up his hat, nor could the attempts of
Sophia, whose looks seemed to upbraid his precipitancy, prevent his
going.

When gone, we all regarded each other for some minutes with confusion.
My wife, who knew herself to be the cause, strove to hide her concern
with a forced smile, and an air of assurance, which I was willing to
reprove: 'How, woman,' cried I to her, 'is it thus we treat strangers?
Is it thus we return their kindness? Be assured, my dear, that these
were the harshest words, and to me the most unpleasing that ever escaped
your lips!'--'Why would he provoke me then,' replied she; 'but I know
the motives of his advice perfectly well. He would prevent my girls from
going to town, that he may have the pleasure of my youngest daughter's
company here at home. But whatever happens, she shall chuse better
company than such low-lived fellows as he.'--'Low-lived, my dear, do
you call him,' cried I, 'it is very possible we may mistake this man's
character: for he seems upon some occasions the most finished gentleman
I ever knew.--Tell me, Sophia, my girl, has he ever given you any secret
instances of his attachment?'--'His conversation with me, sir,' replied
my daughter, 'has ever been sensible, modest, and pleasing. As to aught
else, no, never. Once, indeed, I remember to have heard him say he never
knew a woman who could find merit in a man that seemed poor.' 'Such, my
dear,' cried I, 'is the common cant of all the unfortunate or idle. But
I hope you have been taught to judge properly of such men, and that it
would be even madness to expect happiness from one who has been so
very bad an oeconomist of his own. Your mother and I have now better
prospects for you. The next winter, which you will probably spend in
town, will give you opportunities of making a more prudent choice.'
What Sophia's reflections were upon this occasion, I can't pretend to
determine; but I was not displeased at the bottom that we were rid of a
guest from whom I had much to fear. Our breach of hospitality went to my
conscience a little: but I quickly silenced that monitor by two or three
specious reasons, which served to satisfy and reconcile me to myself.
The pain which conscience gives the man who has already done wrong,
is soon got over. Conscience is a coward, and those faults it has not
strength enough to prevent, it seldom has justice enough to accuse.



CHAPTER 14

     Fresh mortifications, or a demonstration that seeming
     calamities may be real blessings


The journey of my daughters to town was now resolved upon, Mr Thornhill
having kindly promised to inspect their conduct himself, and inform us
by letter of their behaviour. But it was thought indispensably necessary
that their appearance should equal the greatness of their expectations,
which could not be done without expence. We debated therefore in
full council what were the easiest methods of raising money, or,
more properly speaking, what we could most conveniently sell. The
deliberation was soon finished, it was found that our remaining horse
was utterly useless for the plow, without his companion, and equally
unfit for the road, as wanting an eye, it was therefore determined
that we should dispose of him for the purposes above-mentioned, at the
neighbouring fair, and, to prevent imposition, that I should go with him
myself. Though this was one of the first mercantile transactions of my
life, yet I had no doubt about acquitting myself with reputation. The
opinion a man forms of his own prudence is measured by that of the
company he keeps, and as mine was mostly in the family way, I had
conceived no unfavourable sentiments of my worldly wisdom. My wife,
however, next morning, at parting, after I had got some paces from the
door, called me back, to advise me, in a whisper, to have all my eyes
about me. I had, in the usual forms, when I came to the fair, put my
horse through all his paces; but for some time had no bidders. At last
a chapman approached, and, after he had for a good while examined the
horse round, finding him blind of one eye, he would have nothing to say
to him: a second came up; but observing he had a spavin, declared he
would not take him for the driving home: a third perceived he had a
windgall, and would bid no money: a fourth knew by his eye that he had
the botts: a fifth, wondered what a plague I could do at the fair with
a blind, spavined, galled hack, that was only fit to be cut up for a
dog kennel.' By this time I began to have a most hearty contempt for
the poor animal myself, and was almost ashamed at the approach of every
customer; for though I did not entirely believe all the fellows told me;
yet I reflected that the number of witnesses was a strong presumption
they were right, and St Gregory, upon good works, professes himself to
be of the same opinion.

I was in this mortifying situation, when a brother clergyman, an old
acquaintance, who had also business to the fair, came up, and shaking me
by the hand, proposed adjourning to a public-house and taking a glass of
whatever we could get. I readily closed with the offer, and entering an
ale-house, we were shewn into a little back room, where there was only a
venerable old man, who sat wholly intent over a large book, which he
was reading. I never in my life saw a figure that prepossessed me more
favourably. His locks of silver grey venerably shaded his temples, and
his green old age seemed to be the result of health and benevolence.
However, his presence did not interrupt our conversation; my friend and
I discoursed on the various turns of fortune we had met: the Whistonean
controversy, my last pamphlet, the archdeacon's reply, and the hard
measure that was dealt me. But our attention was in a short time taken
off by the appearance of a youth, who, entering the room, respectfully
said something softly to the old stranger. 'Make no apologies, my
child,' said the old man, 'to do good is a duty we owe to all our fellow
creatures: take this, I wish it were more; but five pounds will relieve
your distress, and you are welcome.' The modest youth shed tears of
gratitude, and yet his gratitude was scarce equal to mine. I could have
hugged the good old man in my arms, his benevolence pleased me so. He
continued to read, and we resumed our conversation, until my companion,
after some time, recollecting that he had business to transact in the
fair, promised to be soon back; adding, that he always desired to have
as much of Dr Primrose's company as possible. The old gentleman, hearing
my name mentioned, seemed to look at me with attention, for some time,
and when my friend was gone, most respectfully demanded if I was any way
related to the great Primrose, that courageous monogamist, who had been
the bulwark of the church. Never did my heart feel sincerer rapture than
at that moment. 'Sir,' cried I, 'the applause of so good a man, as I am
sure you are, adds to that happiness in my breast which your benevolence
has already excited. You behold before you, Sir, that Doctor Primrose,
the monogamist, whom you have been pleased to call great. You here see
that unfortunate Divine, who has so long, and it would ill become me to
say, successfully, fought against the deuterogamy of the age.' 'Sir,'
cried the stranger, struck with awe, 'I fear I have been too familiar;
but you'll forgive my curiosity, Sir: I beg pardon.' 'Sir,' cried
I, grasping his hand, 'you are so far from displeasing me by your
familiarity, that I must beg you'll accept my friendship, as you already
have my esteem.'--'Then with gratitude I accept the offer,' cried he,
squeezing me by the hand, 'thou glorious pillar of unshaken orthodoxy;
and do I behold--' I here interrupted what he was going to say; for
tho', as an author, I could digest no small share of flattery, yet now
my modesty would permit no more. However, no lovers in romance ever
cemented a more instantaneous friendship. We talked upon several
subjects: at first I thought he seemed rather devout than learned, and
began to think he despised all human doctrines as dross. Yet this no way
lessened him in my esteem; for I had for some time begun privately to
harbour such an opinion myself. I therefore took occasion to observe,
that the world in general began to be blameably indifferent as to
doctrinal matters, and followed human speculations too much--'Ay, Sir,'
replied he, as if he had reserved all his learning to that moment, 'Ay,
Sir, the world is in its dotage, and yet the cosmogony or creation of
the world has puzzled philosophers of all ages. What a medly of opinions
have they not broached upon the creation of the world? Sanconiathon,
Manetho, Berosus, and Ocellus Lucanus, have all attempted it in vain.
The latter has these words, Anarchon ara kai atelutaion to pan, which
imply that all things have neither beginning nor end. Manetho also,
who lived about the time of Nebuchadon-Asser, Asser being a Syriac word
usually applied as a sirname to the kings of that country, as Teglat
Phael-Asser, Nabon-Asser, he, I say, formed a conjecture equally absurd;
for as we usually say ek to biblion kubernetes, which implies that books
will never teach the world; so he attempted to investigate--But, Sir, I
ask pardon, I am straying from the question.'--That he actually was; nor
could I for my life see how the creation of the world had any thing to
do with the business I was talking of; but it was sufficient to shew me
that he was a man of letters, and I now reverenced him the more. I was
resolved therefore to bring him to the touch-stone; but he was too mild
and too gentle to contend for victory. Whenever I made any observation
that looked like a challenge to controversy, he would smile, shake his
head, and say nothing; by which I understood he could say much, if
he thought proper. The subject therefore insensibly changed from the
business of antiquity to that which brought us both to the fair; mine I
told him was to sell an horse, and very luckily, indeed, his was to buy
one for one of his tenants. My horse was soon produced, and in fine we
struck a bargain. Nothing now remained but to pay me, and he accordingly
pulled out a thirty pound note, and bid me change it. Not being in a
capacity of complying with his demand, he ordered his footman to be
called up, who made his appearance in a very genteel livery. 'Here,
Abraham,' cried he, 'go and get gold for this; you'll do it at neighbour
Jackson's, or any where.' While the fellow was gone, he entertained
me with a pathetic harangue on the great scarcity of silver, which I
undertook to improve, by deploring also the great scarcity of gold; so
that by the time Abraham returned, we had both agreed that money was
never so hard to be come at as now. Abraham returned to inform us, that
he had been over the whole fair and could not get change, tho' he had
offered half a crown for doing it. This was a very great disappointment
to us all; but the old gentleman having paused a little, asked me if I
knew one Solomon Flamborough in my part of the country: upon replying
that he was my next door neighbour, 'if that be the case then,' returned
he, 'I believe we shall deal. You shall have a draught upon him, payable
at sight; and let me tell you he is as warm a man as any within five
miles round him. Honest Solomon and I have been acquainted for many
years together. I remember I always beat him at threejumps; but he could
hop upon one leg farther than I.' A draught upon my neighbour was to me
the same as money; for I was sufficiently convinced of his ability:
the draught was signed and put into my hands, and Mr Jenkinson, the old
gentleman, his man Abraham, and my horse, old Blackberry, trotted off
very well pleased with each other.

After a short interval being left to reflection, I began to recollect
that I had done wrong in taking a draught from a stranger, and so
prudently resolved upon following the purchaser, and having back my
horse. But this was now too late: I therefore made directly homewards,
resolving to get the draught changed into money at my friend's as fast
as possible. I found my honest neighbour smoking his pipe at his own
door, and informing him that I had a small bill upon him, he read
it twice over. 'You can read the name, I suppose,' cried I, 'Ephraim
Jenkinson.' 'Yes,' returned he, 'the name is written plain enough, and I
know the gentleman too, the greatest rascal under the canopy of heaven.
This is the very same rogue who sold us the spectacles. Was he not a
venerable looking man, with grey hair, and no flaps to his pocket-holes?
And did he not talk a long string of learning about Greek and cosmogony,
and the world?' To this I replied with a groan. 'Aye,' continued he, 'he
has but that one piece of learning in the world, and he always talks it
away whenever he finds a scholar in company; but I know the rogue, and
will catch him yet.' Though I was already sufficiently mortified, my
greatest struggle was to come, in facing my wife and daughters. No
truant was ever more afraid of returning to school, there to behold the
master's visage, than I was of going home. I was determined, however, to
anticipate their fury, by first falling into a passion myself.

But, alas! upon entering, I found the family no way disposed for battle.
My wife and girls were all in tears, Mr Thornhill having been there that
day to inform them, that their journey to town was entirely over. The
two ladies having heard reports of us from some malicious person about
us, were that day set out for London. He could neither discover the
tendency, nor the author of these, but whatever they might be, or
whoever might have broached them, he continued to assure our family of
his friendship and protection. I found, therefore, that they bore
my disappointment with great resignation, as it was eclipsed in the
greatness of their own. But what perplexed us most was to think who
could be so base as to asperse the character of a family so harmless as
ours, too humble to excite envy, and too inoffensive to create disgust.



CHAPTER 15

     All, Mr Burchell's villainy at once detected. The folly of
     being over-wise


That evening and a part of the following day was employed in fruitless
attempts to discover our enemies: scarce a family in the neighbourhood
but incurred our suspicions, and each of us had reasons for our opinion
best known to ourselves. As we were in this perplexity, one of our
little boys, who had been playing abroad, brought in a letter-case,
which he found on the green. It was quickly known to belong to Mr
Burchell, with whom it had been seen, and, upon examination, contained
some hints upon different subjects; but what particularly engaged our
attention was a sealed note, superscribed, 'The copy of a letter to be
sent to the two ladies at Thornhill-castle.' It instantly occurred that
he was the base informer, and we deliberated whether the note should not
be broke open. I was against it; but Sophia, who said she was sure
that of all men he would be the last to be guilty of so much baseness,
insisted upon its being read, In this she was seconded by the rest of
the family, and, at their joint solicitation, I read as follows:--

'Ladies,--The bearer will sufficiently satisfy you as to the person
from whom this comes: one at least the friend of innocence, and ready to
prevent its being seduced. I am informed for a truth, that you have
some intention of bringing two young ladies to town, whom I have some
knowledge of, under the character of companions. As I would neither have
simplicity imposed upon, nor virtue contaminated, I must offer it as
my opinion, that the impropriety of such a step will be attended with
dangerous consequences. It has never been my way to treat the infamous
or the lewd with severity; nor should I now have taken this method of
explaining myself, or reproving folly, did it not aim at guilt. Take
therefore the admonition of a friend, and seriously reflect on the
consequences of introducing infamy and vice into retreats where peace
and innocence have hitherto resided.' Our doubts were now at an end.
There seemed indeed something applicable to both sides in this letter,
and its censures might as well be referred to those to whom it was
written, as to us; but the malicious meaning was obvious, and we went no
farther. My wife had scarce patience to hear me to the end, but railed
at the writer with unrestrained resentment. Olivia was equally severe,
and Sophia seemed perfectly amazed at his baseness. As for my part, it
appeared to me one of the vilest instances of unprovoked ingratitude
I had met with. Nor could I account for it in any other manner than
by imputing it to his desire of detaining my youngest daughter in the
country, to have the more frequent opportunities of an interview. In
this manner we all sate ruminating upon schemes of vengeance, when
our other little boy came running in to tell us that Mr Burchell was
approaching at the other end of the field. It is easier to conceive than
describe the complicated sensations which are felt from the pain of
a recent injury, and the pleasure of approaching vengeance. Tho' our
intentions were only to upbraid him with his ingratitude; yet it was
resolved to do it in a manner that would be perfectly cutting. For this
purpose we agreed to meet him with our usual smiles, to chat in the
beginning with more than ordinary kindness, to amuse him a little;
and then in the midst of the flattering calm to burst upon him like an
earthquake, and overwhelm him with the sense of his own baseness. This
being resolved upon, my wife undertook to manage the business herself,
as she really had some talents for such an undertaking. We saw him
approach, he entered, drew a chair, and sate down.--'A fine day, Mr
Burchell.'--'A very fine day, Doctor; though I fancy we shall have some
rain by the shooting of my corns.'--'The shooting of your horns,' cried
my wife, in a loud fit of laughter, and then asked pardon for being fond
of a joke.--'Dear madam,' replied he, 'I pardon you with all my heart;
for I protest I should not have thought it a joke had you not told
me.'--'Perhaps not, Sir,' cried my wife, winking at us, 'and yet I dare
say you can tell us how many jokes go to an ounce.'--'I fancy, madam,'
returned Burchell, 'you have been reading a jest book this morning, that
ounce of jokes is so very good a conceit; and yet, madam, I had rather
see half an ounce of understanding.'--'I believe you might,' cried my
wife, still smiling at us, though the laugh was against her; 'and yet
I have seen some men pretend to understanding that have very
little.'--'And no doubt,' replied her antagonist, 'you have known ladies
set up for wit that had none.'--I quickly began to find that my wife was
likely to gain but little at this business; so I resolved to treat him
in a stile of more severity myself. 'Both wit and understanding,' cried
I, 'are trifles, without integrity: it is that which gives value to
every character. The ignorant peasant, without fault, is greater than
the philosopher with many; for what is genius or courage without an
heart? An honest man is the noblest work of God.

'I always held that hackney'd maxim of Pope,' returned Mr Burchell,
'as very unworthy a man of genius, and a base desertion of his own
superiority. As the reputation of books is raised not by their freedom
from defect, but the greatness of their beauties; so should that of
men be prized not for their exemption from fault, but the size of
those virtues they are possessed of. The scholar may want prudence, the
statesman may have pride, and the champion ferocity; but shall we
prefer to these the low mechanic, who laboriously plods on through life,
without censure or applause? We might as well prefer the tame correct
paintings of the Flemish school to the erroneous, but sublime animations
of the Roman pencil.'

'Sir,' replied I, 'your present observation is just, when there are
shining virtues and minute defects; but when it appears that great
vices are opposed in the same mind to as extraordinary virtues, such a
character deserves contempt.' 'Perhaps,' cried he, 'there may be some
such monsters as you describe, of great vices joined to great virtues;
yet in my progress through life, I never yet found one instance of their
existence: on the contrary, I have ever perceived, that where the mind
was capacious, the affections were good. And indeed Providence
seems kindly our friend in this particular, thus to debilitate the
understanding where the heart is corrupt, and diminish the power where
there is the will to do mischief. This rule seems to extend even to
other animals: the little vermin race are ever treacherous, cruel, and
cowardly, whilst those endowed with strength and power are generous,
brave, and gentle.'

'These observations sound well,' returned I, 'and yet it would be easy
this moment to point out a man,' and I fixed my eye stedfastly upon
him, 'whose head and heart form a most detestable contrast. Ay, Sir,'
continued I, raising my voice, 'and I am glad to have this opportunity
of detecting him in the midst of his fancied security. Do you know
this, Sir, this pocket-book?'--'Yes, Sir,' returned he, with a face of
impenetrable assurance, 'that pocket-book is mine, and I am glad you
have found it.'--'And do you know,' cried I, 'this letter? Nay, never
falter man; but look me full in the face: I say, do you know this
letter?'--'That letter,' returned he, 'yes, it was I that wrote that
letter.'--'And how could you,' said I, 'so basely, so ungratefully
presume to write this letter?'--'And how came you,' replied he, with
looks of unparallelled effrontery, 'so basely to presume to break open
this letter? Don't you know, now, I could hang you all for this? All
that I have to do, is to swear at the next justice's, that you have been
guilty of breaking open the lock of my pocket-book, and so hang you all
up at his door.' This piece of unexpected insolence raised me to such a
pitch, that I could scare govern my passion. 'Ungrateful wretch, begone,
and no longer pollute my dwelling with thy baseness. Begone, and never
let me see thee again: go from my doors, and the only punishment I wish
thee is an allarmed conscience, which will be a sufficient tormentor!'
So saying, I threw him his pocket-book, which he took up with a smile,
and shutting the clasps with the utmost composure, left us, quite
astonished at the serenity of his assurance. My wife was particularly
enraged that nothing could make him angry, or make him seem ashamed of
his villainies. 'My dear,' cried I, willing to calm those passions that
had been raised too high among us, 'we are not to be surprised that bad
men want shame; they only blush at being detected in doing good, but
glory in their vices.

'Guilt and shame, says the allegory, were at first companions, and in
the beginning of their journey inseparably kept together. But their
union was soon found to be disagreeable and inconvenient to both; guilt
gave shame frequent uneasiness, and shame often betrayed the secret
conspiracies of guilt. After long disagreeement, therefore, they at
length consented to part for ever. Guilt boldly walked forward alone,
to overtake fate, that went before in the shape of an executioner:
but shame being naturally timorous, returned back to keep company with
virtue, which, in the beginning of their journey, they had left behind.
Thus, my children, after men have travelled through a few stages in
vice, shame forsakes them, and returns back to wait upon the few virtues
they have still remaining.'



CHAPTER 16

     Family use art, which is opposed with, still greater


Whatever might have been Sophia's sensations, the rest of the family
was easily consoled, for Mr Burchell's absence by the company of our
landlord, whose visits now became more frequent and longer. Though he
had been disappointed in procuring my daughters the amusements of the
town, as he designed, he took every opportunity of supplying them with
those little recreations which our retirement would admit of. He usually
came in the morning, and while my son and I followed our occupations
abroad, he sat with the family at home, and amused them by describing
the town, with every part of which he was particularly acquainted. He
could repeat all the observations that were retailed in the atmosphere
of the playhouses, and had all the good things of the high wits by rote
long before they made way into the jest-books. The intervals between
conversation were employed in teaching my daughters piquet, or sometimes
in setting my two little ones to box to make them sharp, as he called
it: but the hopes of having him for a son-in-law, in some measure
blinded us to all his imperfections. It must be owned that my wife laid
a thousand schemes to entrap him, or, to speak it more tenderly, used
every art to magnify the merit of her daughter. If the cakes at tea eat
short and crisp, they were made by Olivia: if the gooseberry wine was
well knit, the gooseberries were of her gathering: it was her fingers
which gave the pickles their peculiar green; and in the composition of
a pudding, it was her judgment that mix'd the ingredients. Then the poor
woman would sometimes tell the 'Squire, that she thought him and Olivia
extremely of a size, and would bid both stand up to see which was
tallest. These instances of cunning, which she thought impenetrable, yet
which every body saw through, were very pleasing to our benefactor, who
gave every day some new proofs of his passion, which though they had not
arisen to proposals of marriage, yet we thought fell but little short of
it; and his slowness was attributed sometimes to native bashfulness, and
sometimes to his fear of offending his uncle. An occurrence, however,
which happened soon after, put it beyond a doubt that he designed
to become one of our family, my wife even regarded it as an absolute
promise.

My wife and daughters happening to return a visit to neighbour
Flamborough's, found that family had lately got their pictures drawn
by a limner, who travelled the country, and took likenesses for fifteen
shillings a head. As this family and ours had long a sort of rivalry in
point of taste, our spirit took the alarm at this stolen march upon us,
and notwithstanding all I could say, and I said much, it was resolved
that we should have our pictures done too. Having, therefore, engaged
the limner, for what could I do? our next deliberation was to shew
the superiority of our taste in the attitudes. As for our neighbour's
family, there were seven of them, and they were drawn with seven
oranges, a thing quite out of taste, no variety in life, no composition
in the world. We desired to have something in a brighter style, and,
after many debates, at length came to an unanimous resolution of being
drawn together, in one large historical family piece. This would be
cheaper, since one frame would serve for all, and it would be infinitely
more genteel; for all families of any taste were now drawn in the same
manner. As we did not immediately recollect an historical subject to hit
us, we were contented each with being drawn as independent historical
figures. My wife desired to be represented as Venus, and the painter was
desired not to be too frugal of his diamonds in her stomacher and hair.
Her two little ones were to be as Cupids by her side, while I, in
my gown and band, was to present her with my books on the Whistonian
controversy. Olivia would be drawn as an Amazon, sitting upon a bank of
flowers, drest in a green joseph, richly laced with gold, and a whip
in her hand. Sophia was to be a shepherdess, with as many sheep as the
painter could put in for nothing; and Moses was to be drest out with an
hat and white feather. Our taste so much pleased the 'Squire, that
he insisted on being put in as one of the family in the character of
Alexander the great, at Olivia's feet. This was considered by us all as
an indication of his desire to be introduced into the family, nor could
we refuse his request. The painter was therefore set to work, and as he
wrought with assiduity and expedition, in less than four days the whole
was compleated. The piece was large, and it must be owned he did not
spare his colours; for which my wife gave him great encomiums. We
were all perfectly satisfied with his performance; but an unfortunate
circumstance had not occurred till the picture was finished, which now
struck us with dismay. It was so very large that we had no place in the
house to fix it. How we all came to disregard so material a point is
inconceivable; but certain it is, we had been all greatly remiss. The
picture, therefore, instead of gratifying our vanity, as we hoped,
leaned, in a most mortifying manner, against the kitchen wall, where the
canvas was stretched and painted, much too large to be got through any
of the doors, and the jest of all our neighhours. One compared it to
Robinson Crusoe's long-boat, too large to be removed; another thought
it more resembled a reel in a bottle; some wondered how it could be got
out, but still more were amazed how it ever got in.

But though it excited the ridicule of some, it effectually raised more
malicious suggestions in many. The 'Squire's portrait being found united
with ours, was an honour too great to escape envy. Scandalous whispers
began to circulate at our expence, and our tranquility was continually
disturbed by persons who came as friends to tell us what was said of us
by enemies. These reports we always resented with becoming spirit; but
scandal ever improves by opposition.

We once again therefore entered into a consultation upon obviating the
malice of our enemies, and at last came to a resolution which had
too much cunning to give me entire satisfaction. It was this: as our
principal object was to discover the honour of Mr Thornhill's addresses,
my wife undertook to sound him, by pretending to ask his advice in the
choice of an husband for her eldest daughter. If this was not found
sufficient to induce him to a declaration, it was then resolved to
terrify him with a rival. To this last step, however, I would by no
means give my consent, till Olivia gave me the most solemn assurances
that she would marry the person provided to rival him upon this
occasion, if he did not prevent it, by taking her himself. Such was
the scheme laid, which though I did not strenuously oppose, I did not
entirely approve.

The next time, therefore, that Mr Thornhill came to see us, my girls
took care to be out of the way, in order to give their mamma an
opportunity of putting her scheme in execution; but they only retired to
the next room, from whence they could over-hear the whole conversation:
My wife artfully introduced it, by observing, that one of the Miss
Flamboroughs was like to have a very good match of it in Mr Spanker. To
this the 'Squire assenting, she proceeded to remark, that they who had
warm fortunes were always sure of getting good husbands: 'But heaven
help,' continued she, 'the girls that have none. What signifies
beauty, Mr Thornhill? or what signifies all the virtue, and all the
qualifications in the world, in this age of self-interest? It is not,
what is she? but what has she? is all the cry.'

'Madam,' returned he, 'I highly approve the justice, as well as the
novelty, of your remarks, and if I were a king, it should be otherwise.
It should then, indeed, be fine times with the girls without fortunes:
our two young ladies should be the first for whom I would provide.' 'Ah,
Sir!' returned my wife, 'you are pleased to be facetious: but I wish I
were a queen, and then I know where my eldest daughter should look for
an husband. But now, that you have put it into my head, seriously Mr
Thornhill, can't you recommend me a proper husband for her? She is now
nineteen years old, well grown and well educated, and, in my humble
opinion, does not want for parts.' 'Madam,' replied he, 'if I were to
chuse, I would find out a person possessed of every accomplishment
that can make an angel happy. One with prudence, fortune, taste, and
sincerity, such, madam, would be, in my opinion, the proper husband.'
'Ay, Sir,' said she, 'but do you know of any such person?'--'No, madam,'
returned he, 'it is impossible to know any person that deserves to be
her husband: she's too great a treasure for one man's possession: she's
a goddess. Upon my soul, I speak what I think, she's an angel.'--'Ah, Mr
Thornhill, you only flatter my poor girl: but we have been thinking of
marrying her to one of your tenants, whose mother is lately dead, and
who wants a manager: you know whom I mean, farmer Williams; a warm man,
Mr Thornhill, able to give her good bread; and who has several times
made her proposals: (which was actually the case) but, Sir,' concluded
she, 'I should be glad to have your approbation of our choice.'--'How,
madam,' replied he, 'my approbation! My approbation of such a choice!
Never. What! Sacrifice so much beauty, and sense, and goodness, to a
creature insensible of the blessing! Excuse me, I can never approve of
such a piece of injustice And I have my reasons!'--'Indeed, Sir,' cried
Deborah, 'if you have your reasons, that's another affair; but I should
be glad to know those reasons.'--'Excuse me, madam,' returned he, 'they
lie too deep for discovery: (laying his hand upon his bosom) they remain
buried, rivetted here.'

After he was gone, upon general consultation, we could not tell what to
make of these fine sentiments. Olivia considered them as instances of
the most exalted passion; but I was not quite so sanguine: it seemed to
me pretty plain, that they had more of love than matrimony in them: yet,
whatever they might portend, it was resolved to prosecute the scheme
of farmer Williams, who, from my daughter's first appearance in the
country, had paid her his addresses.



CHAPTER 17

     Scarce any virtue found to resist the power of long and
     pleasing temptation

As I only studied my child's real happiness, the assiduity of Mr
Williams pleased me, as he was in easy circumstances, prudent, and
sincere. It required but very little encouragement to revive his former
passion; so that in an evening or two he and Mr Thornhill met at our
house, and surveyed each other for some time with looks of anger: but
Williams owed his landlord no rent, and little regarded his indignation.
Olivia, on her side, acted the coquet to perfection, if that might be
called acting which was her real character, pretending to lavish all
her tenderness on her new lover. Mr Thornhill appeared quite dejected
at this preference, and with a pensive air took leave, though I own it
puzzled me to find him so much in pain as he appeared to be, when he
had it in his power so easily to remove the cause, by declaring an
honourable passion. But whatever uneasiness he seemed to endure, it
could easily be perceived that Olivia's anguish was still greater. After
any of these interviews between her lovers, of which there were several,
she usually retired to solitude, and there indulged her grief. It was
in such a situation I found her one evening, after she had been for some
time supporting a fictitious gayety.--'You now see, my child,' said
I, 'that your confidence in Mr Thornhill's passion was all a dream: he
permits the rivalry of another, every way his inferior, though he
knows it lies in his power to secure you to himself by a candid
declaration.'--'Yes, pappa,' returned she, 'but he has his reasons for
this delay: I know he has. The sincerity of his looks and words
convince me of his real esteem. A short time, I hope, will discover the
generosity of his sentiments, and convince you that my opinion of him
has been more just than yours.'--'Olivia, my darling,' returned
I, 'every scheme that has been hitherto pursued to compel him to a
declaration, has been proposed and planned by yourself, nor can you in
the least say that I have constrained you. But you must not suppose, my
dear, that I will ever be instrumental in suffering his honest rival
to be the dupe of your ill-placed passion. Whatever time you require to
bring your fancied admirer to an explanation shall be granted; but
at the expiration of that term, if he is still regardless, I must
absolutely insist that honest Mr Williams shall be rewarded for his
fidelity. The character which I have hitherto supported in life demands
this from me, and my tenderness, as a parent, shall never influence
my integrity as a man. Name then your day, let it be as distant as you
think proper, and in the mean time take care to let Mr Thornhill know
the exact time on which I design delivering you up to another. If he
really loves you, his own good sense will readily suggest that there is
but one method alone to prevent his losing you forever.'--This proposal,
which she could not avoid considering as perfectly just, was readily
agreed to. She again renewed her most positive promise of marrying
Mr Williams, in case of the other's insensibility; and at the next
opportunity, in Mr Thornhill's presence, that day month was fixed upon
for her nuptials with his rival.

Such vigorous proceedings seemed to redouble Mr Thornhill's anxiety:
but what Olivia really felt gave me some uneasiness. In this struggle
between prudence and passion, her vivacity quite forsook her, and every
opportunity of solitude was sought, and spent in tears. One week passed
away; but Mr Thornhill made no efforts to restrain her nuptials. The
succeeding week he was still assiduous; but not more open. On the
third he discontinued his visits entirely, and instead of my daughter
testifying any impatience, as I expected, she seemed to retain a pensive
tranquillity, which I looked upon as resignation. For my own part, I
was now sincerely pleased with thinking that my child was going to
be secured in a continuance of competence and peace, and frequently
applauded her resolution, in preferring happiness to ostentation.

It was within about four days of her intended nuptials, that my little
family at night were gathered round a charming fire, telling stories
of the past, and laying schemes for the future. Busied in forming a
thousand projects, and laughing at whatever folly came uppermost, 'Well,
Moses,' cried I, 'we shall soon, my boy, have a wedding in the family,
what is your opinion of matters and things in general?'--'My opinion,
father, is, that all things go on very well; and I was just now
thinking, that when sister Livy is married to farmer Williams, we
shall then have the loan of his cyder-press and brewing tubs for
nothing.'--'That we shall, Moses,' cried I, 'and he will sing us Death
and the Lady, to raise our spirits into the bargain.'--'He has taught
that song to our Dick,' cried Moses; 'and I think he goes thro' it very
prettily.'--'Does he so,' cried I, then let us have it: where's little
Dick? let him up with it boldly.'--'My brother Dick,' cried Bill my
youngest, 'is just gone out with sister Livy; but Mr Williams has taught
me two songs, and I'll sing them for you, pappa. Which song do you
chuse, the Dying Swan, or the Elegy on the death of a mad dog?' 'The
elegy, child, by all means,' said I, 'I never heard that yet; and
Deborah, my life, grief you know is dry, let us have a bottle of the
best gooseberry wine, to keep up our spirits. I have wept so much at
all sorts of elegies of late, that without an enlivening glass I am sure
this will overcome me; and Sophy, love, take your guitar, and thrum in
with the boy a little.'

An Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog.

Good people all, of every sort, Give ear unto my song; And if you find
it wond'rous short, It cannot hold you long.

In Isling town there was a man, Of whom the world might say, That still
a godly race he ran, Whene'er he went to pray.

A kind and gentle heart he had, To comfort friends and foes; The naked
every day he clad, When he put on his cloaths.

And in that town a dog was found, As many dogs there be, Both mungrel,
puppy, whelp, and hound, And curs of low degree.

This dog and man at first were friends; But when a pique began, The dog,
to gain some private ends, Went mad and bit the man.

Around from all the neighbouring streets, The wondering neighbours ran,
And swore the dog had lost his wits, To bite so good a man.

The wound it seem'd both sore and sad, To every Christian eye; And while
they swore the dog was mad, They swore the man would die.

But soon a wonder came to light, That shew'd the rogues they lied, The
man recovered of the bite, The dog it was that dy'd.

'A very good boy, Bill, upon my word, and an elegy that may truly be
called tragical. Come, my children, here's Bill's health, and may he one
day be a bishop.'

'With all my heart,' cried my wife; 'and if he but preaches as well
as he sings, I make no doubt of him. The most of his family, by the
mother's side, could sing a good song: it was a common saying in our
country, that the family of the Blenkinsops could never look strait
before them, nor the Huginsons blow out a candle; that there were none
of the Grograms but could sing a song, or of the Marjorams but could
tell a story.'--'However that be,' cried I, 'the most vulgar ballad
of them all generally pleases me better than the fine modern odes, and
things that petrify us in a single stanza; productions that we at once
detest and praise. Put the glass to your brother, Moses.--The great
fault of these elegiasts is, that they are in despair for griefs that
give the sensible part of mankind very little pain. A lady loses her
muff, her fan, or her lap-dog, and so the silly poet runs home to
versify the disaster.'

'That may be the mode,' cried Moses, 'in sublimer compositions; but the
Ranelagh songs that come down to us are perfectly familiar, and all cast
in the same mold: Colin meets Dolly, and they hold a dialogue together;
he gives her a fairing to put in her hair, and she presents him with
a nosegay; and then they go together to church, where they give good
advice to young nymphs and swains to get married as fast as they can.'

'And very good advice too,' cried I, 'and I am told there is not a place
in the world where advice can be given with so much propriety as there;
for, as it persuades us to marry, it also furnishes us with a wife; and
surely that must be an excellent market, my boy, where we are told what
we want, and supplied with it when wanting.'

'Yes, Sir,' returned Moses, 'and I know but of two such markets for
wives in Europe, Ranelagh in England, and Fontarabia in Spain.' The
Spanish market is open once a year, but our English wives are saleable
every night.'

'You are right, my boy,' cried his mother, 'Old England is the only
place in the world for husbands to get wives.'--'And for wives to manage
their husbands,' interrupted I. 'It is a proverb abroad, that if a
bridge were built across the sea, all the ladies of the Continent would
come over to take pattern from ours; for there are no such wives in
Europe as our own. 'But let us have one bottle more, Deborah, my life,
and Moses give us a good song. What thanks do we not owe to heaven for
thus bestowing tranquillity, health, and competence. I think myself
happier now than the greatest monarch upon earth. He has no such
fire-side, nor such pleasant faces about it. Yes, Deborah, we are now
growing old; but the evening of our life is likely to be happy. We are
descended from ancestors that knew no stain, and we shall leave a good
and virtuous race of children behind us. While we live they will be our
support and our pleasure here, and when we die they will transmit our
honour untainted to posterity. Come, my son, we wait for a song: let
us have a chorus. But where is my darling Olivia? That little cherub's
voice is always sweetest in the concert.'--Just as I spoke Dick came
running in. 'O pappa, pappa, she is gone from us, she is gone from us,
my sister Livy is gone from us for ever'--'Gone, child'--'Yes, she is
gone off with two gentlemen in a post chaise, and one of them kissed
her, and said he would die for her; and she cried very much, and was for
coming back; but he persuaded her again, and she went into the chaise,
and said, O what will my poor pappa do when he knows I am undone!'--'Now
then,' cried I, 'my children, go and be miserable; for we shall never
enjoy one hour more. And O may heaven's everlasting fury light upon him
and his! Thus to rob me of my child! And sure it will, for taking back
my sweet innocent that I was leading up to heaven. Such sincerity as my
child was possest of. But all our earthly happiness is now over! Go,
my children, go, and be miserable and infamous; for my heart is
broken within me!'--'Father,' cried my son, "is this your
fortitude?'--'Fortitude, child! Yes, he shall see I have fortitude!
Bring me my pistols. I'll pursue the traitor. While he is on earth I'll
pursue him. Old as I am, he shall find I can sting him yet. The villain!
The perfidious villain!'--I had by this time reached down my pistols,
when my poor wife, whose passions were not so strong as mine, caught me
in her arms. 'My dearest, dearest husband,' cried she, 'the bible is the
only weapon that is fit for your old hands now. Open that, my love,
and read our anguish into patience, for she has vilely deceived
us.'--'Indeed, Sir,' resumed my son, after a pause, 'your rage is too
violent and unbecoming. You should be my mother's comforter, and you
encrease her pain. It ill suited you and your reverend character thus to
curse your greatest enemy: you should not have curst him, villian as he
is.'--'I did not curse him, child, did I?'--'Indeed, Sir, you did; you
curst him twice.'--'Then may heaven forgive me and him if I did. And
now, my son, I see it was more than human benevolence that first taught
us to bless our enemies! Blest be his holy name for all the good he hath
given, and for all that he hath taken away. But it is not, it is not, a
small distress that can wring tears from these old eyes, that have not
wept for so many years. My Child!--To undo my darling! May confusion
seize! Heaven forgive me, what am I about to say! You may remember, my
love, how good she was, and how charming; till this vile moment all her
care was to make us happy. Had she but died! But she is gone, the honour
of our family contaminated, and I must look out for happiness in other
worlds than here. But my child, you saw them go off: perhaps he forced
her away? If he forced her, she may 'yet be innocent.'--'Ah no, Sir!'
cried the child; 'he only kissed her, and called her his angel, and
she wept very much, and leaned upon his arm, and they drove off very
fast.'--'She's an ungrateful creature,' cried my wife, who could scarce
speak for weeping, 'to use us thus. She never had the least constraint
put upon her affections. The vile strumpet has basely deserted her
parents without any provocation, thus to bring your grey hairs to the
grave, and I must shortly follow.'

In this manner that night, the first of our real misfortunes, was spent
in the bitterness of complaint, and ill supported sallies of enthusiasm.
I determined, however, to find out our betrayer, wherever he was, and
reproach his baseness. The next morning we missed our wretched child at
breakfast, where she used to give life and cheerfulness to us all. My
wife, as before, attempted to ease her heart by reproaches. 'Never,'
cried she, 'shall that vilest stain of our family again darken those
harmless doors. I will never call her daughter more. No, let the
strumpet live with her vile seducer: she may bring us to shame but she
shall never more deceive us.'

'Wife,' said I, 'do not talk thus hardly: my detestation of her guilt is
as great as yours; but ever shall this house and this heart be open to
a poor returning repentant sinner. The sooner she returns from her
transgression, the more welcome shall she be to me. For the first time
the very best may err; art may persuade, and novelty spread out its
charm. The first fault is the child of simplicity; but every other the
offspring of guilt. Yes, the wretched creature shall be welcome to this
heart and this house, tho' stained with ten thousand vices. I will
again hearken to the music of her voice, again will I hang fondly on her
bosom, if I find but repentance there. My son, bring hither my bible and
my staff, I will pursue her, wherever she is, and tho' I cannot save her
from shame, I may prevent the continuance of iniquity.'



CHAPTER 18

     The pursuit of a father to reclaim a lost child to virtue


Tho' the child could not describe the gentleman's person who handed his
sister into the post-chaise, yet my suspicions fell entirely upon our
young landlord, whose character for such intrigues was but too well
known. I therefore directed my steps towards Thornhill-castle, resolving
to upbraid him, and, if possible, to bring back my daughter: but before
I had reached his seat, I was met by one of my parishioners, who said
he saw a young lady resembling my daughter in a post-chaise with
a gentleman, whom, by the description, I could only guess to be Mr
Burchell, and that they drove very fast. This information, however, did
by no means satisfy me. I therefore went to the young 'Squire's, and
though it was yet early, insisted upon seeing him immediately: he soon
appeared with the most open familiar air, and seemed perfectly amazed at
my daughter's elopement, protesting upon his honour that he was quite
a stranger to it. I now therefore condemned my former suspicions, and
could turn them only on Mr Burchell, who I recollected had of late
several private conferences with her: but the appearance of another
witness left me no room to doubt of his villainy, who averred, that he
and my daughter were actually gone towards the wells, about thirty miles
off, where there was a great deal of company. Being driven to that state
of mind in which we are more ready to act precipitately than to reason
right, I never debated with myself, whether these accounts might not
have been given by persons purposely placed in my way, to mislead me,
but resolved to pursue my daughter and her fancied deluder thither. I
walked along with earnestness, and enquired of several by the way; but
received no accounts, till entering the town, I was met by a person
on horseback, whom I remembered to have seen at the 'Squire's, and he
assured me that if I followed them to the races, which were but thirty
miles farther, I might depend upon overtaking them; for he had seen them
dance there the night before, and the whole assembly seemed charmed with
my daughter's performance. Early the next day I walked forward to the
races, and about four in the afternoon I came upon the course. The
company made a very brilliant appearance, all earnestly employed in one
pursuit, that of pleasure; how different from mine, that of reclaiming a
lost child to virtue! I thought I perceived Mr Burchell at some distance
from me; but, as if he dreaded an interview, upon my approaching him,
he mixed among a crowd, and I saw him no more. I now reflected that it
would be to no purpose to continue my pursuit farther, and resolved to
return home to an innocent family, who wanted my assistance. But the
agitations of my mind, and the fatigues I had undergone, threw me into
a fever, the symptoms of which I perceived before I came off the course.
This was another unexpected stroke, as I was more than seventy miles
distant from home: however, I retired to a little ale-house by the
road-side, and in this place, the usual retreat of indigence and
frugality, I laid me down patiently to wait the issue of my disorder.
I languished here for near three weeks; but at last my constitution
prevailed, though I was unprovided with money to defray the expences of
my entertainment. It is possible the anxiety from this last circumstance
alone might have brought on a relapse, had I not been supplied by a
traveller, who stopt to take a cursory refreshment. This person was no
other than the philanthropic bookseller in St Paul's church-yard, who
has written so many little books for children: he called himself their
friend; but he was the friend of all mankind. He was no sooner alighted,
but he was in haste to be gone; for he was ever on business of the
utmost importance, and was at that time actually compiling materials
for the history of one Mr Thomas Trip. I immediately recollected this
good-natured man's red pimpled face; for he had published for me against
the Deuterogamists of the age, and from him I borrowed a few pieces, to
be paid at my return. Leaving the inn, therefore, as I was yet but weak,
I resolved to return home by easy journies of ten miles a day. My health
and usual tranquillity were almost restored, and I now condemned that
pride which had made me refractory to the hand of correction. Man little
knows what calamities are beyond his patience to bear till he tries
them; as in ascending the heights of ambition, which look bright from
below, every step we rise shews us some new and gloomy prospect of
hidden disappointment; so in our descent from the summits of pleasure,
though the vale of misery below may appear at first dark and gloomy, yet
the busy mind, still attentive to its own amusement, finds as we descend
something to flatter and to please. Still as we approach, the darkest
objects appear to brighten, and the mental eye becomes adapted to its
gloomy situation.

I now proceeded forward, and had walked about two hours, when I
perceived what appeared at a distance like a waggon, which I was
resolved to overtake; but when I came up with it, found it to be a
strolling company's cart, that was carrying their scenes and other
theatrical furniture to the next village, where they were to exhibit.
The cart was attended only by the person who drove it, and one of the
company, as the rest of the players were to follow the ensuing day.
Good company upon the road, says the proverb, is the shortest cut, I
therefore entered into conversation with the poor player; and as I once
had some theatrical powers myself, I disserted on such topics with my
usual freedom: but as I was pretty much unacquainted with the present
state of the stage, I demanded who were the present theatrical writers
in vogue, who the Drydens and Otways of the day.--'I fancy, Sir,' cried
the player, 'few of our modern dramatists would think themselves much
honoured by being compared to the writers you mention. Dryden and Row's
manner, Sir, are quite out of fashion; our taste has gone back a whole
century, Fletcher, Ben Johnson, and all the plays of Shakespear, are the
only things that go down.'--'How,' cried I, 'is it possible the present
age can be pleased with that antiquated dialect, that obsolete
humour, those overcharged characters, which abound in the works you
mention?'--'Sir,' returned my companion, 'the public think nothing about
dialect, or humour, or character; for that is none of their business,
they only go to be amused, and find themselves happy when they can enjoy
a pantomime, under the sanction of Johnson's or Shakespear's name.'--'So
then, I suppose,' cried I, 'that our modern dramatists are rather
imitators of Shakespear than of nature.'--'To say the truth,' returned
my companion, 'I don't know that they imitate any thing at all; nor,
indeed does the public require it of them: it is not the composition of
the piece, but the number of starts and attitudes that may be introduced
into it that elicits applause. I have known a piece, with not one jest
in the whole, shrugged into popularity, and another saved by the poet's
throwing in a fit of the gripes. No, Sir, the works of Congreve and
Farquhar have too much wit in them for the present taste; our modern
dialect is much more natural.'

By this time the equipage of the strolling company was arrived at the
village, which, it seems, had been apprised of our approach, and was
come out to gaze at us; for my companion observed, that strollers always
have more spectators without doors than within. I did not consider the
impropriety of my being in such company till I saw a mob gather
about me. I therefore took shelter, as fast as possible, in the first
ale-house that offered, and being shewn into the common room, was
accosted by a very well-drest gentleman, who demanded whether I was the
real chaplain of the company, or whether it was only to be my masquerade
character in the play. Upon informing him of the truth, and that I did
not belong in any sort to the company, he was condescending enough to
desire me and the player to partake in a bowl of punch, over which he
discussed modern politics with great earnestness and interest. I set him
down in my mind for nothing less than a parliament-man at least; but was
almost confirmed in my conjectures, when upon my asking what there was
in the house for supper, he insisted that the Player and I should sup
with him at his house, with which request, after some entreaties, we
were prevailed on to comply.



CHAPTER 19

     The description of a person discontented with the present
     government, and apprehensive of the loss of our liberties


The house where we were to be entertained, lying at a small distance
from the village, our inviter observed, that as the coach was not ready,
he would conduct us on foot, and we soon arrived at one of the most
magnificent mansions I had seen in that part of the country. The
apartment into which we were shewn was perfectly elegant and modern; he
went to give orders for supper, while the player, with a wink, observed
that we were perfectly in luck. Our entertainer soon returned,
an elegant supper was brought in, two or three ladies, in an easy
deshabille, were introduced, and the conversation began with some
sprightliness. Politics, however, was the subject on which our
entertainer chiefly expatiated; for he asserted that liberty was at once
his boast and his terror. After the cloth was removed, he asked me if I
had seen the last Monitor, to which replying in the negative, 'What, nor
the Auditor, I suppose?' cried he. 'Neither, Sir,' returned I. 'That's
strange, very strange,' replied my entertainer. 'Now, I read all
the politics that come out. The Daily, the Public, the Ledger, the
Chronicle, the London Evening, the Whitehall Evening, the seventeen
magazines, and the two reviews; and though they hate each other, I love
them all. Liberty, Sir, liberty is the Briton's boast, and by all my
coal mines in Cornwall, I reverence its guardians.' 'Then it is to
be hoped,' cried I, 'you reverence the king.' 'Yes,' returned my
entertainer, 'when he does what we would have him; but if he goes on as
he has done of late, I'll never trouble myself more with his matters. I
say nothing. I think only. I could have directed some things better. I
don't think there has been a sufficient number of advisers: he should
advise with every person willing to give him advice, and then we should
have things done in anotherguess manner.'

'I wish,' cried I, 'that such intruding advisers were fixed in the
pillory. It should be the duty of honest men to assist the weaker side
of our constitution, that sacred power that has for some years been
every day declining, and losing its due share of influence in the state.
But these ignorants still continue the cry of liberty, and if they have
any weight basely throw it into the subsiding scale.'

'How,' cried one of the ladies, 'do I live to see one so base, so
sordid, as to be an enemy to liberty, and a defender of tyrants?
Liberty, that sacred gift of heaven, that glorious privilege of
Britons!'

'Can it be possible,' cried our entertainer, 'that there should be any
found at present advocates for slavery? Any who are for meanly giving up
the privileges of Britons? Can any, Sir, be so abject?'

'No, Sir,' replied I, 'I am for liberty, that attribute of Gods!
Glorious liberty! that theme of modern declamation. I would have all men
kings. I would be a king myself. We have all naturally an equal right
to the throne: we are all originally equal. This is my opinion, and was
once the opinion of a set of honest men who were called Levellers.' They
tried to erect themselves into a community, where all should be equally
free. But, alas! it would never answer; for there were some among them
stronger, and some more cunning than others, and these became masters of
the rest; for as sure as your groom rides your horses, because he is a
cunninger animal than they, so surely will the animal that is cunninger
or stronger than he, sit upon his shoulders in turn. Since then it is
entailed upon humanity to submit, and some are born to command, and
others to obey, the question is, as there must be tyrants, whether it is
better to have them in the same house with us, or in the same village,
or still farther off, in the metropolis. Now, Sir, for my own part, as I
naturally hate the face of a tyrant, the farther off he is removed from
me, the better pleased am I. The generality of mankind also are of my
way of thinking, and have unanimously created one king, whose election
at once diminishes the number of tyrants, and puts tyranny at the
greatest distance from the greatest number of people. Now the great who
were tyrants themselves before the election of one tyrant, are naturally
averse to a power raised over them, and whose weight must ever lean
heaviest on the subordinate orders. It is the interest of the great,
therefore, to diminish kingly power as much as possible; because
whatever they take from that is naturally restored to themselves; and
all they have to do in the state, is to undermine the single tyrant, by
which they resume their primaeval authority. Now, the state may be so
circumstanced, or its laws may be so disposed, or its men of opulence so
minded, as all to conspire in carrying on this business of undermining
monarchy. For, in the first place, if the circumstances of our state
be such, as to favour the accumulation of wealth, and make the opulent
still more rich, this will encrease their ambition. An accumulation of
wealth, however, must necessarily be the consequence, when as at present
more riches flow in from external commerce, than arise from internal
industry: for external commerce can only be managed to advantage by the
rich, and they have also at the same time all the emoluments arising
from internal industry: so that the rich, with us, have two sources of
wealth, whereas the poor have but one. For this reason, wealth in all
commercial states is found to accumulate, and all such have hitherto in
time become aristocratical. Again, the very laws also of this country
may contribute to the accumulation of wealth; as when by their means the
natural ties that bind the rich and poor together are broken, and it
is ordained that the rich shall only marry with the rich; or when the
learned are held unqualified to serve their country as counsellors
merely from a defect of opulence, and wealth is thus made the object of
a wise man's ambition; by these means I say, and such means as these,
riches will accumulate. Now the possessor of accumulated wealth, when
furnished with the necessaries and pleasures of life, has no other
method to employ the superfluity of his fortune but in purchasing power.
That is, differently speaking, in making dependents, by purchasing the
liberty of the needy or the venal, of men who are willing to bear the
mortification of contiguous tyranny for bread. Thus each very opulent
man generally gathers round him a circle of the poorest of the people;
and the polity abounding in accumulated wealth, may be compared to a
Cartesian system, each orb with a vortex of its own. Those, however, who
are willing to move in a great man's vortex, are only such as must
be slaves, the rabble of mankind, whose souls and whose education are
adapted to servitude, and who know nothing of liberty except the name.
But there must still be a large number of the people without the sphere
of the opulent man's influence, namely, that order of men which subsists
between the very rich and the very rabble; those men who are possest of
too large fortunes to submit to the neighbouring man in power, and yet
are too poor to set up for tyranny themselves. In this middle order of
mankind are generally to be found all the arts, wisdom, and virtues of
society. This order alone is known to be the true preserver of freedom,
and may be called the People. Now it may happen that this middle order
of mankind may lose all its influence in a state, and its voice be in a
manner drowned in that of the rabble: for if the fortune sufficient for
qualifying a person at present to give his voice in state affairs, be
ten times less than was judged sufficient upon forming the constitution,
it is evident that greater numbers of the rabble will thus be introduced
into the political system, and they ever moving in the vortex of the
great, will follow where greatness shall direct. In such a state,
therefore, all that the middle order has left, is to preserve the
prerogative and privileges of the one principal governor with the most
sacred circumspection. For he divides the power of the rich, and calls
off the great from falling with tenfold weight on the middle order
placed beneath them. The middle order may be compared to a town of which
the opulent are forming the siege, and which the governor from without
is hastening the relief. While the besiegers are in dread of an enemy
over them, it is but natural to offer the townsmen the most specious
terms; to flatter them with sounds, and amuse them with privileges: but
if they once defeat the governor from behind, the walls of the town will
be but a small defence to its inhabitants. What they may then expect,
may be seen by turning our eyes to Holland, Genoa, or Venice, where the
laws govern the poor, and the rich govern the law. I am then for, and
would die for, monarchy, sacred monarchy; for if there be any thing
sacred amongst men, it must be the anointed sovereign of his people, and
every diminution of his power in war, or in peace, is an infringement
upon the real liberties of the subject. The sounds of liberty,
patriotism, and Britons, have already done much, it is to be hoped that
the true sons of freedom will prevent their ever doing more. I have
known many of those pretended champions for liberty in my time, yet do I
not remember one that was not in his heart and in his family a tyrant.'

My warmth I found had lengthened this harangue beyond the rules of good
breeding: but the impatience of my entertainer, who often strove to
interrupt it, could be restrained no longer. 'What,' cried he, 'then I
have been all this while entertaining a Jesuit in parson's cloaths;
but by all the coal mines of Cornwall, out he shall pack, if my name
be Wilkinson.' I now found I had gone too far, and asked pardon for
the warmth with which I had spoken. 'Pardon,' returned he in a fury:
'I think such principles demand ten thousand pardons. What, give up
liberty, property, and, as the Gazetteer says, lie down to be saddled
with wooden shoes! Sir, I insist upon your marching out of this house
immediately, to prevent worse consequences, Sir, I insist upon it.'
I was going to repeat my rernonstrances; but just then we heard a
footman's rap at the door, and the two ladies cried out, 'As sure
as death there is our master and mistress come home.' It seems my
entertainer was all this while only the butler, who, in his master's
absence, had a mind to cut a figure, and be for a while the gentleman
himself; and, to say the truth, he talked politics as well as most
country gentlemen do. But nothing could now exceed my confusion upon
seeing the gentleman, and his lady, enter, nor was their surprize, at
finding such company and good cheer, less than ours. 'Gentlemen,' cried
the real master of the house, to me and my companion, 'my wife and I are
your most humble servants; but I protest this is so unexpected a favour,
that we almost sink under the obligation.' However unexpected our
company might be to them, theirs, I am sure, was still more so to us,
and I was struck dumb with the apprehensions of my own absurdity, when
whom should I next see enter the room but my dear miss Arabella Wilmot,
who was formerly designed to be married to my son George; but whose
match was broken off, as already related. As soon as she saw me, she
flew to my arms with the utmost joy. 'My dear sir,' cried she, 'to what
happy accident is it that we owe so unexpected a visit? I am sure my
uncle and aunt will be in raptures when they find they have the good Dr
Primrose for their guest.' Upon hearing my name, the old gentleman
and lady very politely stept up, and welcomed me with most cordial
hospitality. Nor could they forbear smiling upon being informed of the
nature of my present visit: but the unfortunate butler, whom they at
first seemed disposed to turn away, was, at my intercession, forgiven.

Mr Arnold and his lady, to whom the house belonged, now insisted upon
having the pleasure of my stay for some days, and as their niece, my
charming pupil, whose mind, in some measure, had been formed under my
own instructions, joined in their entreaties. I complied. That night
I was shewn to a magnificent chamber, and the next morning early Miss
Wilmot desired to walk with me in the garden, which was decorated in the
modern manner. After some time spent in pointing out the beauties of the
place, she enquired with seeming unconcern, when last I had heard from
my son George. 'Alas! Madam,' cried I, 'he has now been near three years
absent, without ever writing to his friends or me. Where he is I know
not; perhaps I shall never see him or happiness more. No, my dear Madam,
we shall never more see such pleasing hours as were once spent by our
fire-side at Wakefield. My little family are now dispersing very
fast, and poverty has brought not only want, but infamy upon us.' The
good-natured girl let fall a tear at this account; but as I saw her
possessed of too much sensibility, I forbore a more minute detail of our
sufferings. It was, however, some consolation to me to find that time
had made no alteration in her affections, and that she had rejected
several matches that had been made her since our leaving her part of the
country. She led me round all the extensive improvements of the place,
pointing to the several walks and arbours, and at the same time catching
from every object a hint for some new question relative to my son.
In this manner we spent the forenoon, till the bell summoned us in
to dinner, where we found the manager of the strolling company that
I mentioned before, who was come to dispose of tickets for the Fair
Penitent, which was to be acted that evening, the part of Horatio by
a young gentleman who had never appeared on any stage. He seemed to
be very warm in the praises of the new performer, and averred, that he
never saw any who bid so fair for excellence. Acting, he observed, was
not learned in a day; 'But this gentleman,' continued he, 'seems born
to tread the stage. His voice, his figure, and attitudes, are all
admirable. We caught him up accidentally in our journey down.' This
account, in some measure, excited our curiosity, and, at the entreaty
of the ladies, I was prevailed upon to accompany them to the play-house,
which was no other than a barn. As the company with which I went was
incontestably the chief of the place, we were received with the greatest
respect, and placed in the front seat of the theatre; where we sate for
some time with no small impatience to see Horatio make his appearance.
The new performer advanced at last, and let parents think of my
sensations by their own, when I found it was my unfortunate son. He was
going to begin, when, turning his eyes upon the audience, he perceived
Miss Wilmot and me, and stood at once speechless and immoveable.
The actors behind the scene, who ascribed this pause to his natural
timidity, attempted to encourage him; but instead of going on, he burst
into a flood of tears, and retired off the stage. I don't know what were
my feelings on this occasion; for they succeeded with too much rapidity
for description: but I was soon awaked from this disagreeable reverie by
Miss Wilmot, who, pale and with a trembling voice, desired me to conduct
her back to her uncle's. When got home, Mr Arnold, who was as yet a
stranger to our extraordinary behaviour, being informed that the new
performer was my son, sent his coach, and an invitation, for him; and as
he persisted in his refusal to appear again upon the stage, the players
put another in his place, and we soon had him with us. Mr Arnold gave
him the kindest reception, and I received him with my usual transport;
for I could never counterfeit false resentment. Miss Wilmot's reception
was mixed with seeming neglect, and yet I could perceive she acted a
studied part. The tumult in her mind seemed not yet abated; she said
twenty giddy things that looked like joy, and then laughed loud at
her own want of meaning. At intervals she would take a sly peep at the
glass, as if happy in the consciousness of unresisting beauty, and
often would ask questions, without giving any manner of attention to the
answers.



CHAPTER 20

     The history of a philosophic vagabond, pursuing novelty, but
     losing content


After we had supped, Mrs Arnold politely offered to send a couple of her
footmen for my son's baggage, which he at first seemed to decline; but
upon her pressing the request, he was obliged to inform her, that a
stick and a wallet were all the moveable things upon this earth that he
could boast of. 'Why, aye my son,' cried I, 'you left me but poor, and
poor I find you are come back; and yet I make no doubt you have seen a
great deal of the world.'--'Yes, Sir,' replied my son, 'but travelling
after fortune, is not the way to secure her; and, indeed, of late, I
have desisted from the pursuit.'--'I fancy, Sir,' cried Mrs Arnold,
'that the account of your adventures would be amusing: the first part of
them I have often heard from my niece; but could the company prevail for
the rest, it would be an additional obligation.'--'Madam,' replied my
son, 'I promise you the pleasure you have in hearing, will not be half
so great as my vanity in repeating them; and yet in the whole narrative
I can scarce promise you one adventure, as my account is rather of what
I saw than what I did. The first misfortune of my life, which you all
know, was great; but tho' it distrest, it could not sink me. No person
ever had a better knack at hoping than I. The less kind I found fortune
at one time, the more I expected from her another, and being now at
the bottom of her wheel, every new revolution might lift, but could not
depress me. I proceeded, therefore, towards London in a fine morning,
no way uneasy about tomorrow, but chearful as the birds that caroll'd by
the road, and comforted myself with reflecting that London was the
mart where abilities of every kind were sure of meeting distinction and
reward.

'Upon my arrival in town, Sir, my first care was to deliver your letter
of recommendation to our cousin, who was himself in little better
circumstances than I. My first scheme, you know, Sir, was to be usher
at an academy, and I asked his advice on the affair. Our cousin received
the proposal with a true Sardonic grin. Aye, cried he, this is indeed
a very pretty career, that has been chalked out for you. I have been an
usher at a boarding school myself; and may I die by an anodyne necklace,
but I had rather be an under turnkey in Newgate. I was up early and
late: I was brow-beat by the master, hated for my ugly face by the
mistress, worried by the boys within, and never permitted to stir out to
meet civility abroad. But are you sure you are fit for a school? Let me
examine you a little. Have you been bred apprentice to the business? No.
Then you won't do for a school. Can you dress the boys hair? No. Then
you won't do for a school. Have you had the small-pox? No. Then you
won't do for a school. Can you lie three in a bed? No. Then you will
never do for a school. Have you got a good stomach? Yes. Then you will
by no means do for a school. No, Sir, if you are for a genteel easy
profession, bind yourself seven years as an apprentice to turn a
cutler's wheel; but avoid a school by any means. Yet come, continued he,
I see you are a lad of spirit and some learning, what do you think of
commencing author, like me? You have read in books, no doubt, of men of
genius starving at the trade: At present I'll shew you forty very dull
fellows about town that live by it in opulence. All honest joggtrot men,
who go on smoothly and dully, and write history and politics, and are
praised; men, Sir, who, had they been bred coblers, would all their
lives have only mended shoes, but never made them.

'Finding that there was no great degree of gentility affixed to the
character of an usher, I resolved to accept his proposal; and having the
highest respect for literature, hailed the antiqua mater of Grub-street
with reverence. I thought it my glory to pursue a track which Dryden
and Otway trod before me. I considered the goddess of this region as the
parent of excellence; and however an intercourse with the world might
give us good sense, the poverty she granted I supposed to be the nurse
of genius! Big with these reflections, I sate down, and finding that the
best things remained to be said on the wrong side, I resolved to write
a book that should be wholly new. I therefore drest up three paradoxes
with some ingenuity. They were false, indeed, but they were new. The
jewels of truth have been so often imported by others, that nothing was
left for me to import but some splendid things that at a distance looked
every bit as well. Witness you powers what fancied importance sate
perched upon my quill while I was writing. The whole learned world, I
made no doubt, would rise to oppose my systems; but then I was prepared
to oppose the whole learned world. Like the porcupine I sate self
collected, with a quill pointed against every opposer.'

'Well said, my boy,' cried I, 'and what subject did you treat upon? I
hope you did not pass over the importance of Monogamy. But I interrupt,
go on; you published your paradoxes; well, and what did the learned
world say to your paradoxes?'

'Sir,' replied my son, 'the learned world said nothing to my paradoxes;
nothing at all, Sir. Every man of them was employed in praising his
friends and himself, or condemning his enemies; and unfortunately, as I
had neither, I suffered the cruellest mortification, neglect.

'As I was meditating one day in a coffee-house on the fate of my
paradoxes, a little man happening to enter the room, placed himself in
the box before me, and after some preliminary discourse, finding me to
be a scholar, drew out a bundle of proposals, begging me to subscribe to
a new edition he was going to give the world of Propertius, with notes.
This demand necessarily produced a reply that I had no money; and
that concession led him to enquire into the nature of my expectations.
Finding that my expectations were just as great as my purse, I see,
cried he, you are unacquainted with the town, I'll teach you a part of
it. Look at these proposals, upon these very proposals I have subsisted
very comfortably for twelve years. The moment a nobleman returns from
his travels, a Creolian arrives from Jamaica, or a dowager from her
country seat, I strike for a subscription. I first besiege their hearts
with flattery, and then pour in my proposals at the breach. If they
subscribe readily the first time, I renew my request to beg a dedication
fee. If they let me have that, I smite them once more for engraving
their coat of arms at the top. Thus, continued he, I live by vanity, and
laugh at it. But between ourselves, I am now too well known, I should
be glad to borrow your face a bit: a nobleman of distinction has just
returned from Italy; my face is familiar to his porter; but if you
bring this copy of verses, my life for it you succeed, and we divide the
spoil.'

'Bless us, George,' cried I, 'and is this the employment of poets now!
Do men of their exalted talents thus stoop to beggary! Can they so far
disgrace their calling, as to make a vile traffic of praise for bread?'

'O no, Sir,' returned he, 'a true poet can never be so base; for
wherever there is genius there is pride. The creatures I now describe
are only beggars in rhyme. The real poet, as he braves every hardship
for fame, so he is equally a coward to contempt, and none but those who
are unworthy protection condescend to solicit it.

'Having a mind too proud to stoop to such indignities, and yet a fortune
too humble to hazard a second attempt for fame, I was now, obliged to
take a middle course, and write for bread. But I was unqualified for a
profession where mere industry alone was to ensure success. I could not
suppress my lurking passion for applause; but usually consumed that
time in efforts after excellence which takes up but little room, when
it should have been more advantageously employed in the diffusive
productions of fruitful mediocrity. My little piece would therefore come
forth in the mist of periodical publication, unnoticed and unknown.
The public were more importantly employed, than to observe the easy
simplicity of my style, of the harmony of my periods. Sheet after sheet
was thrown off to oblivion. My essays were buried among the essays
upon liberty, eastern tales, and cures for the bite of a mad dog; while
Philautos, Philalethes, Philelutheros, and Philanthropos, all wrote
better, because they wrote faster, than I.

'Now, therefore, I began to associate with none but disappointed
authors, like myself, who praised, deplored, and despised each other.
The satisfaction we found in every celebrated writer's attempts, was
inversely as their merits. I found that no genius in another could
please me. My unfortunate paradoxes had entirely dried up that source
of comfort. I could neither read nor write with satisfaction; for
excellence in another was my aversion, and writing was my trade.

'In the midst of these gloomy reflections, as I was one day sitting on a
bench in St James's park, a young gentleman of distinction, who had been
my intimate acquaintance at the university, approached me. We saluted
each other with some hesitation, he almost ashamed of being known to
one who made so shabby an appearance, and I afraid of a repulse. But
my suspicions soon vanished; for Ned Thornhill was at the bottom a very
good-natured fellow.

'What did you say, George?' interrupted I. 'Thornhill, was not that his
name? It can certainly be no other than my landlord.'--'Bless me,' cried
Mrs Arnold, 'is Mr Thornhill so near a neighbour of yours? He has long
been a friend in our family, and we expect a visit from him shortly.'

'My friend's first care,' continued my son, 'was to alter my appearance
by a very fine suit of his own cloaths, and then I was admitted to his
table upon the footing of half-friend, half-underling. My business was
to attend him at auctions, to put him in spirits when he sate for
his picture, to take the left hand in his chariot when not filled by
another, and to assist at tattering a kip, as the phrase was, when
we had a mind for a frolic. Beside this, I had twenty other little
employments in the family. I was to do many small things without
bidding; to carry the cork screw; to stand godfather to all the butler's
children; to sing when I was bid; to be never out of humour; always to
be humble, and, if I could, to be very happy.

'In this honourable post, however, I was not without a rival. A captain
of marines, who was formed for the place by nature, opposed me in my
patron's affections. His mother had been laundress to a man of quality,
and thus he early acquired a taste for pimping and pedigree. As this
gentleman made it the study of his life to be acquainted with lords,
though he was dismissed from several for his stupidity; yet he
found many of them who were as dull as himself, that permitted his
assiduities. As flattery was his trade, he practised it with the easiest
address imaginable; but it came aukward and stiff from me; and as every
day my patron's desire of flattery encreased, so every hour being better
acquainted with his defects, I became more unwilling to give it. Thus I
was once more fairly going to give up the field to the captain, when my
friend found occasion for my assistance. This was nothing less than to
fight a duel for him, with a gentleman whose sister it was pretended he
had used ill. I readily complied with his request, and tho' I see you
are displeased at my conduct, yet as it was a debt indispensably due
to friendship, I could not refuse. I undertook the affair, disarmed my
antagonist, and soon after had the pleasure of finding that the lady was
only a woman of the town, and the fellow her bully and a sharper. This
piece of service was repaid with the warmest professions of gratitude;
but as my friend was to leave town in a few days, he knew no other
method of serving me, but by recommending me to his uncle Sir William
Thornhill, and another nobleman of great distinction, who enjoyed a post
under the government. When he was gone, my first care was to carry his
recommendatory letter to his uncle, a man whose character for every
virtue was universal, yet just. I was received by his servants with the
most hospitable smiles; for the looks of the domestics ever transmit
their master's benevolence. Being shewn into a grand apartment, where
Sir William soon came to me, I delivered my message and letter, which
he read, and after pausing some minutes, Pray, Sir, cried he, inform me
what you have done for my kinsman, to deserve this warm recommendation?
But I suppose, Sir, I guess your merits, you have fought for him; and
so you would expect a reward from me, for being the instrument of his
vices. I wish, sincerely wish, that my present refusal may be some
punishment for your guilt; but still more, that it may be some
inducement to your repentance.--The severity of this rebuke I bore
patiently, because I knew it was just. My whole expectations now,
therefore, lay in my letter to the great man. As the doors of the
nobility are almost ever beset with beggars, all ready to thrust in some
sly petition, I found it no easy matter to gain admittance. However,
after bribing the servants with half my worldly fortune, I was at last
shewn into a spacious apartment, my letter being previously sent up for
his lordship's inspection. During this anxious interval I had full time
to look round me. Every thing was grand, and of happy contrivance:
the paintings, the furniture, the gildings, petrified me with awe, and
raised my idea of the owner. Ah, thought I to myself, how very great
must the possessor of all these things be, who carries in his head the
business of the state, and whose house displays half the wealth of
a kingdom: sure his genius must be unfathomable! During these awful
reflections I heard a step come heavily forward. Ah, this is the great
man himself! No, it was only a chambermaid. Another foot was heard
soon after. This must be He! No, it was only the great man's valet de
chambre. At last his lordship actually made his appearance. Are you,
cried he, the bearer of this here letter? I answered with a bow. I learn
by this, continued he, as how that--But just at that instant a servant
delivered him a card, and without taking farther notice, he went out of
the room, and left me to digest my own happiness at leisure. I saw no
more of him, till told by a footman that his lordship was going to his
coach at the door. Down I immediately followed, and joined my voice to
that of three or four more, who came, like me, to petition for favours.
His lordship, however, went too fast for us, and was gaining his Chariot
door with large strides, when I hallowed out to know if I was to have
any reply. He was by this time got in, and muttered an answer, half
of which only I heard, the other half was lost in the rattling of his
chariot wheels. I stood for some time with my neck stretched out, in
the posture of one that was listening to catch the glorious sounds, till
looking round me, I found myself alone at his lordship's gate.

'My patience,' continued my son, 'was now quite exhausted: stung with
the thousand indignities I had met with, I was willing to cast myself
away, and only wanted the gulph to receive me. I regarded myself as one
of those vile things that nature designed should be thrown by into her
lumber room, there to perish in obscurity. I had still, however, half
a guinea left, and of that I thought fortune herself should not deprive
me: but in order to be sure of this, I was resolved to go instantly and
spend it while I had it, and then trust to occurrences for the rest.
As I was going along with this resolution, it happened that Mr Cripse's
office seemed invitingly open to give me a welcome reception. In this
office Mr Cripse kindly offers all his majesty's subjects a generous
promise of 30 pounds a year, for which promise all they give in return
is their liberty for life, and permission to let him transport them to
America as slaves. I was happy at finding a place where I could lose my
fears in desperation, and entered this cell, for it had the appearance
of one, with the devotion of a monastic. Here I found a number of poor
creatures, all in circumstances like myself, expecting the arrival of
Mr Cripse, presenting a true epitome of English impatience. Each
untractable soul at variance with fortune, wreaked her injuries on their
own hearts: but Mr Cripse at last came down, and all our murmurs were
hushed. He deigned to regard me with an air of peculiar approbation,
and indeed he was the first man who for a month past talked to me with
smiles. After a few questions, he found I was fit for every thing in the
world. He paused a while upon the properest means of providing for me,
and slapping his forehead, as if he had found it, assured me, that there
was at that time an embassy talked of from the synod of Pensylvania to
the Chickasaw Indians, and that he would use his interest to get me
made secretary. I knew in my own heart that the fellow lied, and yet
his promise gave me pleasure, there was something so magnificent in the
sound. I fairly, therefore, divided my half guinea, one half of which
went to be added to his thirty thousand pound, and with the other half I
resolved to go to the next tavern, to be there more happy than he.

'As I was going out with that resolution, I was met at the door by the
captain of a ship, with whom I had formerly some little acquaintance,
and he agreed to be my companion over a bowl of punch. As I never chose
to make a secret of my circumstances, he assured me that I was upon the
very point of ruin, in listening to the office-keeper's promises; for
that he only designed to sell me to the plantations. But, continued he,
I fancy you might, by a much shorter voyage, be very easily put into
a genteel way of bread. Take my advice. My ship sails to-morrow for
Amsterdam; What if you go in her as a passenger? The moment you land all
you have to do is to teach the Dutchmen English, and I'll warrant you'll
get pupils and money enough. I suppose you understand English, added he,
by this time, or the deuce is in it. I confidently assured him of
that; but expressed a doubt whether the Dutch would be willing to
learn English. He affirmed with an oath that they were fond of it to
distraction; and upon that affirmation I agreed with his proposal, and
embarked the next day to teach the Dutch English in Holland. The wind
was fair, our voyage short, and after having paid my passage with half
my moveables, I found myself, fallen as from the skies, a stranger
in one of the principal streets of Amsterdam. In this situation I was
unwilling to let any time pass unemployed in teaching. I addressed
myself therefore to two or three of those I met whose appearance
seemed most promising; but it was impossible to make ourselves mutually
understood. It was not till this very moment I recollected, that in
order to teach Dutchmen English, it was necessary that they should first
teach me Dutch. How I came to overlook so obvious an objection, is to me
amazing; but certain it is I overlooked it

'This scheme thus blown up, I had some thoughts of fairly shipping back
to England again; but happening into company with an Irish student,
who was returning from Louvain, our conversation turning upon topics of
literature, (for by the way it may be observed that I always forgot the
meanness of my circumstances when I could converse upon such subjects)
from him I learned that there were not two men in his whole university
who understood Greek. This amazed me. I instantly resolved to travel
to Louvain, and there live by teaching Greek; and in this design I was
heartened by my brother student, who threw out some hints that a fortune
might be got by it. 'I set boldly forward the next morning. Every day
lessened the burthen of my moveables, like Aesop and his basket of
bread; for I paid them for my lodgings to the Dutch as I travelled on.
When I came to Louvain, I was resolved not to go sneaking to the lower
professors, but openly tendered my talents to the principal himself.
I went, had admittance, and offered him my service as a master of
the Greek language, which I had been told was a desideratum in his
university. The principal seemed at first to doubt of my abilities;
but of these I offered to convince him, by turning a part of any Greek
author he should fix upon into Latin. Finding me perfectly earnest in my
proposal, he addressed me thus: You see me, young man, continued he, I
never learned Greek, and I don't find that I have ever missed it. I have
had a doctor's cap and gown without Greek: I have ten thousand florins
a year without Greek; I eat heartily without Greek, and in short,
continued he, as I don't know Greek, I do not believe there is any good
in it.

'I was now too far from home to think of returning; so I resolved to go
forward. I had some knowledge of music, with a tolerable voice, and now
turned what was once my amusement into a present means of subsistence.
I passed among the harmless peasants of Flanders, and among such of
the French as were poor enough to be very merry; for I ever found
them sprightly in proportion to their wants. Whenever I approached a
peasant's house towards night-fall, I played one of my most merry tunes,
and that procured me not only a lodging, but subsistence for the next
day. I once or twice attempted to play for people of fashion; but they
always thought my performance odious, and never rewarded me even with
a trifle. This was to me the more extraordinary, as whenever I used in
better days to play for company, when playing was my amusement, my music
never failed to throw them into raptures, and the ladies especially; but
as it was now my only means, it was received with contempt: a proof
how ready the world is to under rate those talents by which a man is
supported.

'In this manner I proceeded to Paris, with no design but just to look
about me, and then to go forward. The people of Paris are much fonder of
strangers that have money, than of those that have wit. As I could not
boast much of either, I was no great favourite. After walking about the
town four or five days, and seeing the outsides of the best houses, I
was preparing to leave this retreat of venal hospitality, when passing
through one of the principal streets, whom should I meet but our cousin,
to whom you first recommended me. This meeting was very agreeable to me,
and I believe not displeasing to him. He enquired into the nature of my
journey to Paris, and informed me of his own business there, which was
to collect pictures, medals, intaglios, and antiques of all kinds, for a
gentleman in London, who had just stept into taste and a large fortune.
I was the more surprised at seeing our cousin pitched upon for this
office, as he himself had often assured me he knew nothing of the
matter. Upon my asking how he had been taught the art of a connoscento
so very suddenly, he assured me that nothing was more easy. The whole
secret consisted in a strict adherence to two rules: the one always
to observe, that the picture might have been better if the painter had
taken more pains; and the other, to praise the works of Pietro Perugino.
But, says he, as I once taught you how to be an author in London, I'll
now undertake to instruct you in the art of picture buying at Paris.

'With this proposal I very readily closed, as it was a living, and now
all my ambition was to live. I went therefore to his lodgings, improved
my dress by his assistance, and after some time, accompanied him to
auctions of pictures, where the English gentry were expected to be
purchasers. I was not a little surprised at his intimacy with people
of the best fashion, who referred themselves to his judgment upon every
picture or medal, as to an unerring standard of taste. He made very good
use of my assistance upon these occasions; for when asked his opinion,
he would gravely take me aside, and ask mine, shrug, look wise, return,
and assure the company, that he could give no opinion upon an affair
of so much importance. Yet there was sometimes an occasion for a more
supported assurance. I remember to have seen him, after giving his
opinion that the colouring of a picture was not mellow enough, very
deliberately take a brush with brown varnish, that was accidentally
lying by, and rub it over the piece with great composure before all the
company, and then ask if he had not improved the tints.

'When he had finished his commission in Paris, he left me strongly
recommended to several men of distinction, as a person very proper for a
travelling tutor; and after some time I was employed in that capacity by
a gentleman who brought his ward to Paris, in order to set him forward
on his tour through Europe. I was to be the young gentleman's governor,
but with a proviso that he should always be permitted to govern himself.
My pupil in fact understood the art of guiding in money concerns much
better than I. He was heir to a fortune of about two hundred thousand
pounds, left him by an uncle in the West Indies; and his guardians, to
qualify him for the management of it, had bound him apprentice to an
attorney. Thus avarice was his prevailing passion: all his questions on
the road were how money might be saved, which was the least expensive
course of travel; whether any thing could be bought that would turn to
account when disposed of again in London. Such curiosities on the way
as could be seen for nothing he was ready enough to look at; but if the
sight of them was to be paid for, he usually asserted that he had been
told they were not worth seeing. He never paid a bill, that he would not
observe, how amazingly expensive travelling was, and all this though he
was not yet twenty-one. When arrived at Leghorn, as we took a walk to
look at the port and shipping, he enquired the expence of the passage by
sea home to England. This he was informed was but a trifle, compared
to his returning by land, he was therefore unable to withstand the
temptation; so paying me the small part of my salary that was due, he
took leave, and embarked with only one attendant for London.

'I now therefore was left once more upon the world at large, but then
it was a thing I was used to. However my skill in music could avail me
nothing in a country where every peasant was a better musician than
I; but by this time I had acquired another talent, which answered my
purpose as well, and this was a skill in disputation. In all the foreign
universities and convents, there are upon certain days philosophical
theses maintained against every adventitious disputant; for which, if
the champion opposes with any dexterity, he can claim a gratuity in
money, a dinner, and a bed, for one night. In this manner therefore I
fought my way towards England, walked along from city to city, examined
mankind more nearly, and, if I may so express it, saw both sides of the
picture. My remarks, however, are but few: I found that monarchy was the
best government for the poor to live in, and commonwealths for the rich.
I found that riches in general were in every country another name for
freedom; and that no man is so fond of liberty himself as not to be
desirous of subjecting the will of some individuals in society to his
own.

'Upon my arrival in England, I resolved to pay my respects first to you,
and then to enlist as a volunteer in the first expedition that was going
forward; but on my journey down my resolutions were changed, by meeting
an old acquaintance, who I found belonged to a company of comedians,
that were going to make a summer campaign in the country. The company
seemed not much to disapprove of me for an associate. They all, however,
apprized me of the importance of the task at which I aimed; that the
public was a many headed monster, and that only such as had very good
heads could please it: that acting was not to be learnt in a day; and
that without some traditional shrugs, which had been on the stage, and
only on the stage, these hundred years, I could never pretend to please.
The next difficulty was in fitting me with parts, as almost every
character was in keeping. I was driven for some time from one character
to another, till at last Horatio was fixed upon, which the presence of
the present company has happily hindered me from acting.'



CHAPTER 21

     The short continuance of friendship amongst the vicious,
     which is coeval only with mutual satisfaction


My son's account was too long to be delivered at once, the first part of
it was begun that night, and he was concluding the rest after dinner
the next day, when the appearance of Mr Thornhill's equipage at the door
seemed to make a pause in the general satisfaction. The butler, who was
now become my friend in the family, informed me with a whisper, that
the 'Squire had already made some overtures to Miss Wilmot, and that her
aunt and uncle seemed highly to approve the match. Upon Mr Thornhill's
entering, he seemed, at seeing my son and me, to start back; but I
readily imputed that to surprize, and not displeasure. However, upon our
advancing to salute him, he returned our greeting with the most apparent
candour; and after a short time, his presence served only to encrease
the general good humour.

After tea he called me aside, to enquire after my daughter; but upon
my informing him that my enquiry was unsuccessful, he seemed greatly
surprised; adding, that he had been since frequently at my house, in
order to comfort the rest of my family, whom he left perfectly well. He
then asked if I had communicated her misfortune to Miss Wilmot, or my
son; and upon my replying that I had not told them as yet, he greatly
approved my prudence and precaution, desiring me by all means to keep
it a secret: 'For at best,' cried he, 'it is but divulging one's own
infamy; and perhaps Miss Livy may not be so guilty as we all imagine.'
We were here interrupted by a servant, who came to ask the 'Squire in,
to stand up at country dances; so that he left me quite pleased with the
interest he seemed to take in my concerns. His addresses, however, to
Miss Wilmot, were too obvious to be mistaken; and yet she seemed not
perfectly pleased, but bore them rather in compliance to the will of her
aunt, than from real inclination. I had even the satisfaction to see her
lavish some kind looks upon my unfortunate son, which the other could
neither extort by his fortune nor assiduity. Mr Thornhill's seeming
composure, however, not a little surprised me: we had now continued here
a week, at the pressing instances of Mr Arnold; but each day the more
tenderness Miss Wilmot shewed my son, Mr Thomhill's friendship seemed
proportionably to encrease for him.

He had formerly made us the most kind assurances of using his interest
to serve the family; but now his generosity was not confined to promises
alone: the morning I designed for my departure, Mr Thornhill came to me
with looks of real pleasure to inform me of a piece of service he
had done for his friend George. This was nothing less than his having
procured him an ensign's commission in one of the regiments that was
going to the West Indies, for which he had promised but one hundred
pounds, his interest having been sufficient to get an abatement of the
other two. 'As for this trifling piece of service,' continued the young
gentleman, 'I desire no other reward but the pleasure of having served
my friend; and as for the hundred pound to be paid, if you are unable to
raise it yourselves, I will advance it, and you shall repay me at your
leisure.' This was a favour we wanted words to express our sense of.
I readily therefore gave my bond for the money, and testified as much
gratitude as if I never intended to pay.

George was to depart for town the next day to secure his commission,
in pursuance of his generous patron's directions, who judged it highly
expedient to use dispatch, lest in the mean time another should step in
with more advantageous proposals. The next morning, therefore, our young
soldier was early prepared for his departure, and seemed the only person
among us that was not affected by it. Neither the fatigues and dangers
he was going to encounter, nor the friends and mistress, for Miss Wilmot
actually loved him, he was leaving behind, any way damped his spirits.
After he had taken leave of the rest of the company, I gave him all I
had, my blessing. 'And now, my boy,' cried I, 'thou art going to fight
for thy country, remember how thy brave grandfather fought for his
sacred king, when loyalty among Britons was a virtue. Go, my boy, and
immitate him in all but his misfortunes, if it was a misfortune to die
with Lord Falkland. Go, my boy, and if you fall, tho' distant, exposed
and unwept by those that love you, the most precious tears are those
with which heaven bedews the unburied head of a soldier.'

The next morning I took leave of the good family, that had been kind
enough to entertain me so long, not without several expressions of
gratitude to Mr Thornhill for his late bounty. I left them in the
enjoyment of all that happiness which affluence and good breeding
procure, and returned towards home, despairing of ever finding my
daughter more, but sending a sigh to heaven to spare and to forgive her.
I was now come within about twenty miles of home, having hired an horse
to carry me, as I was yet but weak, and comforted myself with the hopes
of soon seeing all I held dearest upon earth. But the night coming on,
I put up at a little public-house by the roadside, and asked for the
landlord's company over a pint of wine. We sate beside his kitchen fire,
which was the best room in the house, and chatted on politics and the
news of the country. We happened, among other topics, to talk of young
'Squire Thornhill, who the host assured me was hated as much as his
uncle Sir William, who sometimes came down to the country, was loved.
He went on to observe, that he made it his whole study to betray the
daughters of such as received him to their houses, and after a fortnight
or three weeks possession, turned them out unrewarded and abandoned to
the world. As we continued our discourse in this manner, his wife, who
had been out to get change, returned, and perceiving that her husband
was enjoying a pleasure in which she was not a sharer, she asked him,
in an angry tone, what he did there, to which he only replied in an
ironical way, by drinking her health. 'Mr Symmonds,' cried she, 'you
use me very ill, and I'll bear it no longer. Here three parts of the
business is left for me to do, and the fourth left unfinished; while you
do nothing but soak with the guests all day long, whereas if a spoonful
of liquor were to cure me of a fever, I never touch a drop.' I now found
what she would be at, and immediately poured her out a glass, which she
received with a curtesy, and drinking towards my good health, 'Sir,'
resumed she, 'it is not so much for the value of the liquor I am angry,
but one cannot help it, when the house is going out of the windows. If
the customers or guests are to be dunned, all the burthen lies upon my
back, he'd as lief eat that glass as budge after them himself.' There
now above stairs, we have a young woman who has come to take up
her lodgings here, and I don't believe she has got any money by her
over-civility. I am certain she is very slow of payment, and I wish she
were put in mind of it.'--'What signifies minding her,' cried the host,
'if she be slow, she is sure.'--'I don't know that,' replied the wife;
'but I know that I am sure she has been here a fortnight, and we have
not yet seen the cross of her money.'--'I suppose, my dear,' cried he,
'we shall have it all in a, lump.'--'In a lump!' cried the other, 'I
hope we may get it any way; and that I am resolved we will this very
night, or out she tramps, bag and baggage.'--'Consider, my dear,' cried
the husband, 'she is a gentlewoman, and deserves more respect.'--'As for
the matter of that,' returned the hostess, 'gentle or simple, out she
shall pack with a sassarara. Gentry may be good things where they
take; but for my part I never saw much good of them at the sign of the
Harrow.'--Thus saying, she ran up a narrow flight of stairs, that
went from the kitchen to a room over-head, and I soon perceived by the
loudness of her voice, and the bitterness of her reproaches, that no
money was to be had from her lodger. I could hear her remonstrances
very distinctly: 'Out I say, pack out this moment, tramp thou infamous
strumpet, or I'll give thee a mark thou won't be the better for this
three months. What! you trumpery, to come and take up an honest house,
without cross or coin to bless yourself with; come along I say.'--'O
dear madam,' cried the stranger, 'pity me, pity a poor abandoned
creature for one night, and death will soon do the rest.' I instantly
knew the voice of my poor ruined child Olivia. I flew to her rescue,
while the woman was dragging her along by the hair, and I caught the
dear forlorn wretch in my arms.--'Welcome, any way welcome, my dearest
lost one, my treasure, to your poor old father's bosom. Tho' the vicious
forsake thee, there is yet one in the world that will never forsake
thee; tho' thou hadst ten thousand crimes to answer for, he will forget
them all.'--'O my own dear'--for minutes she could no more--'my own
dearest good papa! Could angels be kinder! How do I deserve so much! The
villain, I hate him and myself, to be a reproach to such goodness. You
can't forgive me. I know you cannot.'--'Yes, my child, from my heart I
do forgive thee! Only repent, and we both shall yet be happy. We shall
see many pleasant days yet, my Olivia!'--'Ah! never, sir, never. The
rest of my wretched life must be infamy abroad and shame at home. But,
alas! papa, you look much paler than you used to do. Could such a thing
as I am give you so much uneasiness? Sure you have too much wisdom
to take the miseries of my guilt upon yourself.'--'Our wisdom, young
woman,' replied I.--'Ah, why so cold a name papa?' cried she. 'This is
the first time you ever called me by so cold a name.'--'I ask pardon, my
darling,' returned I; 'but I was going to observe, that wisdom makes but
a slow defence against trouble, though at last a sure one.

The landlady now returned to know if we did not chuse a more genteel
apartment, to which assenting, we were shewn a room, where we could
converse more freely. After we had talked ourselves into some degree of
tranquillity, I could not avoid desiring some account of the gradations
that led to her present wretched situation. 'That villain, sir,' said
she, 'from the first day of our meeting made me honourable, though
private, proposals.'

'Villain indeed,' cried I; 'and yet it in some measure surprizes me, how
a person of Mr Burchell's good sense and seeming honour could be guilty
of such deliberate baseness, and thus step into a family to undo it.'

'My dear papa,' returned my daughter, 'you labour under a strange
mistake, Mr Burchell never attempted to deceive me. Instead of that he
took every opportunity of privately admonishing me against the artifices
of Mr Thornhill, who I now find was even worse than he represented
him.'--'Mr Thornhill,' interrupted I, 'can it be?'--'Yes, Sir,' returned
she, 'it was Mr Thornhill who seduced me, who employed the two ladies,
as he called them, but who, in fact, were abandoned women of the town,
without breeding or pity, to decoy us up to London. Their artifices,
you may remember would have certainly succeeded, but for Mr Burchell's
letter, who directed those reproaches at them, which we all applied
to ourselves. How he came to have so much influence as to defeat their
intentions, still remains a secret to me; but I am convinced he was ever
our warmest sincerest friend.'

'You amaze me, my dear,' cried I; 'but now I find my first suspicions
of Mr Thornhill's baseness were too well grounded: but he can triumph in
security; for he is rich and we are poor. But tell me, my child, sure it
was no small temptation that could thus obliterate all the impressions
of such an education, and so virtuous a disposition as thine.'

'Indeed, Sir,' replied she, 'he owes all his triumph to the desire I had
of making him, and not myself, happy. I knew that the ceremony of our
marriage, which was privately performed by a popish priest, was no way
binding, and that I had nothing to trust to but his honour.' 'What,'
interrupted I, 'and were you indeed married by a priest, and in
orders?'--'Indeed, Sir, we were,' replied she, 'though we were both
sworn to conceal his name.'--'Why then, my child, come to my arms again,
and now you are a thousand times more welcome than before; for you are
now his wife to all intents and purposes; nor can all the laws of man,
tho' written upon tables of adamant, lessen the force of that sacred
connexion.'

'Alas, Papa,' replied she, 'you are but little acquainted with his
villainies: he has been married already, by the same priest, to six or
eight wives more, whom, like me, he has deceived and abandoned.'

'Has he so?' cried I, 'then we must hang the priest, and you shall
inform against him to-morrow.'--'But Sir,' returned she, 'will that be
right, when I am sworn to secrecy?'--'My dear,' I replied, 'if you have
made such a promise, I cannot, nor will I tempt you to break it. Even
tho' it may benefit the public, you must not inform against him. In all
human institutions a smaller evil is allowed to procure a greater good;
as in politics, a province may be given away to secure a kingdom; in
medicine, a limb may be lopt off, to preserve the body. But in religion
the law is written, and inflexible, never to do evil. And this law, my
child, is right: for otherwise, if we commit a smaller evil, to procure
a greater good, certain guilt would be thus incurred, in expectation of
contingent advantage. And though the advantage should certainly follow,
yet the interval between commission and advantage, which is allowed to
be guilty, may be that in which we are called away to answer for the
things we have done, and the volume of human actions is closed for ever.
But I interrupt you, my dear, go on.'

'The very next morning,' continued she, 'I found what little
expectations I was to have from his sincerity. That very morning he
introduced me to two unhappy women more, whom, like me, he had deceived,
but who lived in contented prostitution. I loved him too tenderly to
bear such rivals in his affections, and strove to forget my infamy in a
tumult of pleasures. With this view, I danced, dressed, and talked; but
still was unhappy. The gentlemen who visited there told me every moment
of the power of my charms, and this only contributed to encrease my
melancholy, as I had thrown all their power quite away. Thus each day
I grew more pensive, and he more insolent, till at last the monster had
the assurance to offer me to a young Baronet of his acquaintance. Need I
describe, Sir, how his ingratitude stung me. My answer to this proposal
was almost madness. I desired to part. As I was going he offered me a
purse; but I flung it at him with indignation, and burst from him in
a rage, that for a while kept me insensible of the miseries of my
situation. But I soon looked round me, and saw myself a vile, abject,
guilty thing, without one friend in the world to apply to. Just in that
interval, a stage-coach happening to pass by, I took a place, it being
my only aim to be driven at a distance from a wretch I despised and
detested. I was set down here, where, since my arrival, my own anxiety,
and this woman's unkindness, have been my only companions. The hours of
pleasure that I have passed with my mamma and sister, now grow painful
to me. Their sorrows are much; but mine is greater than theirs; for mine
are mixed with guilt and infamy.'

'Have patience, my child,' cried I, 'and I hope things will yet be
better. Take some repose to-night, and to-morrow I'll carry you home
to your mother and the rest of the family, from whom you will receive
a kind reception. Poor woman, this has gone to her heart: but she loves
you still, Olivia, and will forget it.



CHAPTER 22

     Offences are easily pardoned where there is love at bottom


The next morning I took my daughter behind me, and set out on my return
home. As we travelled along, I strove, by every persuasion, to calm her
sorrows and fears, and to arm her with resolution to bear the presence
of her offended mother. I took every opportunity, from the prospect of a
fine country, through which we passed, to observe how much kinder heaven
was to us, than we to each other, and that the misfortunes of nature's
making were very few. I assured her, that she should never perceive any
change in my affections, and that during my life, which yet might be
long, she might depend upon a guardian and an instructor. I armed her
against the censures of the world, shewed her that books were sweet
unreproaching companions to the miserable, and that if they could not
bring us to enjoy life, they would at least teach us to endure it.

The hired horse that we rode was to be put up that night at an inn by
the way, within about five miles from my house, and as I was willing to
prepare my family for my daughter's reception, I determined to leave her
that night at the inn, and to return for her, accompanied by my daughter
Sophia, early the next morning. It was night before we reached our
appointed stage: however, after seeing her provided with a decent
apartment, and having ordered the hostess to prepare proper
refreshments, I kissed her, and proceeded towards home. And now my heart
caught new sensations of pleasure the nearer I approached that peaceful
mansion. As a bird that had been frighted from its nest, my affections
out-went my haste, and hovered round my little fire-side, with all the
rapture of expectation. I called up the many fond things I had to say,
and anticipated the welcome I was to receive. I already felt my wife's
tender embrace, and smiled at the joy of my little ones. As I walked
but slowly, the night wained apace. The labourers of the day were all
retired to rest; the lights were out in every cottage; no sounds were
heard but of the shrilling cock, and the deep-mouthed watch-dog, at
hollow distance. I approached my little abode of pleasure, and before
I was within a furlong of the place, our honest mastiff came running to
welcome me.

It was now near mid-night that I came to knock at my door: all was still
and silent: my heart dilated with unutterable happiness, when, to my
amazement, I saw the house bursting out in a blaze of fire, and every
apperture red with conflagration! I gave a loud convulsive outcry, and
fell upon the pavement insensible. This alarmed my son, who had till
this been asleep, and he perceiving the flames, instantly waked my wife
and daughter, and all running out, naked, and wild with apprehension,
recalled me to life with their anguish. But it was only to objects of
new terror; for the flames had, by this time, caught the roof of our
dwelling, part after part continuing to fall in, while the family stood,
with silent agony, looking on, as if they enjoyed the blaze. I gazed
upon them and upon it by turns, and then looked round me for my two
little ones; but they were not to be seen. O misery! 'Where,' cried I,
'where are my little ones?'--'They are burnt to death in the flames,'
says my wife calmly, 'and I will die with them.'--That moment I heard
the cry of the babes within, who were just awaked by the fire, and
nothing could have stopped me. 'Where, where, are my children?' cried
I, rushing through the flames, and bursting the door of the chamber in
which they were confined, 'Where are my little ones?'--'Here, dear papa,
here we are,' cried they together, while the flames were just catching
the bed where they lay. I caught them both in my arms, and snatched them
through the fire as fast as possible, while just as I was got out,
the roof sunk in. 'Now,' cried I, holding up my children, 'now let the
flames burn on, and all my possessions perish. Here they are, I have
saved my treasure. Here, my dearest, here are our treasures, and we
shall yet be happy.' We kissed our little darlings a thousand times,
they clasped us round the neck, and seemed to share our transports,
while their mother laughed and wept by turns.

I now stood a calm spectator of the flames, and after some time, began
to perceive that my arm to the shoulder was scorched in a terrible
manner. It was therefore out of my power to give my son any assistance,
either in attempting to save our goods, or preventing the flames
spreading to our corn. By this time, the neighbours were alarmed, and
came running to our assistance; but all they could do was to stand, like
us, spectators of the calamity. My goods, among which were the notes I
had reserved for my daughters' fortunes, were entirely consumed, except
a box, with some papers that stood in the kitchen, and two or three
things more of little consequence, which my son brought away in the
beginning. The neighbours contributed, however, what they could to
lighten our distress. They brought us cloaths, and furnished one of our
out-houses with kitchen utensils; so that by day-light we had another,
tho' a wretched, dwelling to retire to. My honest next neighbour, and
his children, were not the least assiduous in providing us with
every thing necessary, and offering what ever consolation untutored
benevolence could suggest.

When the fears of my family had subsided, curiosity to know the cause
of my long stay began to take place; having therefore informed them of
every particular, I proceeded to prepare them for the reception of our
lost one, and tho' we had nothing but wretchedness now to impart, I was
willing to procure her a welcome to what we had. This task would have
been more difficult but for our recent calamity, which had humbled my
wife's pride, and blunted it by more poignant afflictions. Being unable
to go for my poor child myself, as my arm grew very painful, I sent my
son and daughter, who soon returned, supporting the wretched delinquent,
who had not the courage to look up at her mother, whom no instructions
of mine could persuade to a perfect reconciliation; for women have a
much stronger sense of female error than men. 'Ah, madam,' cried her
mother, 'this is but a poor place you are come to after so much finery.
My daughter Sophy and I can afford but little entertainment to persons
who have kept company only with people of distinction. Yes, Miss Livy,
your poor father and I have suffered very much of late; but I hope
heaven will forgive you.'--During this reception, the unhappy victim
stood pale and trembling, unable to weep or to reply; but I could not
continue a silent spectator of her distress, wherefore assuming a degree
of severity in my voice and manner, which was ever followed with instant
submission, 'I entreat, woman, that my words may be now marked once for
all: I have here brought you back a poor deluded wanderer; her return to
duty demands the revival of our tenderness. The real hardships of life
are now coming fast upon us, let us not therefore encrease them by
dissention among each other. If we live harmoniously together, we may
yet be contented, as there are enough of us to shut out the censuring
world, and keep each other in countenance. The kindness of heaven is
promised to the penitent, and let ours be directed by the example.
Heaven, we are assured, is much more pleased to view a repentant sinner,
than ninety nine persons who have supported a course of undeviating
rectitude. And this is right; for that single effort by which we stop
short in the downhill path to perdition, is itself a greater exertion of
virtue, than an hundred acts of justice.'



CHAPTER 23

     None but the guilty can be long and completely miserable


Some assiduity was now required to make our present abode as convenient
as possible, and we were soon again qualified to enjoy our former
serenity. Being disabled myself from assisting my son in our usual
occupations, I read to my family from the few books that were saved, and
particularly from such, as, by amusing the imagination, contributed to
ease the heart. Our good neighbours too came every day with the kindest
condolence, and fixed a time in which they were all to assist at
repairing my former dwelling. Honest farmer Williams was not last among
these visitors; but heartily offered his friendship. He would even have
renewed his addresses to my daughter; but she rejected them in such a
manner as totally represt his future solicitations. Her grief seemed
formed for continuing, and she was the only person of our little
society that a week did not restore to cheerfulness. She now lost that
unblushing innocence which once taught her to respect herself, and to
seek pleasure by pleasing. Anxiety now had taken strong possession of
her mind, her beauty began to be impaired with her constitution, and
neglect still more contributed to diminish it. Every tender epithet
bestowed on her sister brought a pang to her heart and a tear to her
eye; and as one vice, tho' cured, ever plants others where it has been,
so her former guilt, tho' driven out by repentance, left jealousy and
envy behind. I strove a thousand ways to lessen her care, and even
forgot my own pain in a concern for her's, collecting such amusing
passages of history, as a strong memory and some reading could suggest.
'Our happiness, my dear,' I would say, 'is in the power of one who can
bring it about a thousand unforeseen ways, that mock our foresight. If
example be necessary to prove this, I'll give you a story, my child,
told us by a grave, tho' sometimes a romancing, historian.

'Matilda was married very young to a Neapolitan nobleman of the first
quality, and found herself a widow and a mother at the age of fifteen.
As she stood one day caressing her infant son in the open window of an
apartment, which hung over the river Volturna, the child, with a sudden
spring, leaped from her arms into the flood below, and disappeared in a
moment. The mother, struck with instant surprize, and making all effort
to save him, plunged in after; but, far from being able to assist the
infant, she herself with great difficulty escaped to the opposite shore,
just when some French soldiers were plundering the country on that side,
who immediately made her their prisoner.

'As the war was then carried on between the French and Italians with
the utmost inhumanity, they were going at once to perpetrate those
two extremes, suggested by appetite and cruelty. This base resolution,
however, was opposed by a young officer, who, tho' their retreat
required the utmost expedition, placed her behind him, and brought her
in safety to his native city. Her beauty at first caught his eye, her
merit soon after his heart. They were married; he rose to the highest
posts; they lived long together, and were happy. But the felicity of
a soldier can never be called permanent: after an interval of several
years, the troops which he commanded having met with a repulse, he was
obliged to take shelter in the city where he had lived with his wife.
Here they suffered a siege, and the city at length was taken. Few
histories can produce more various instances of cruelty, than those
which the French and Italians at that time exercised upon each other. It
was resolved by the victors, upon this occasion, to put all the French
prisoners to death; but particularly the husband of the unfortunate
Matilda, as he was principally instrumental in protracting the siege.
Their determinations were, in general, executed almost as soon as
resolved upon. The captive soldier was led forth, and the executioner,
with his sword, stood ready, while the spectators in gloomy silence
awaited the fatal blow, which was only suspended till the general, who
presided as judge, should give the signal. It was in this interval of
anguish and expectation, that Matilda came to take her last farewell
of her husband and deliverer, deploring her wretched situation, and the
cruelty of fate, that had saved her from perishing by a premature death
in the river Volturna, to be the spectator of still greater calamities.
The general, who was a young man, was struck with surprize at her
beauty, and pity at her distress; but with still stronger emotions when
he heard her mention her former dangers. He was her son, the infant for
whom she had encounter'd so much danger. He acknowledged her at once as
his mother, and fell at her feet. The rest may be easily supposed: the
captive was set free, and all the happiness that love, friendship, and
duty could confer on each, were united.'

In this manner I would attempt to amuse my daughter; but she listened
with divided attention; for her own misfortunes engrossed all the pity
she once had for those of another, and nothing gave her ease. In company
she dreaded contempt; and in solitude she only found anxiety. Such was
the colour of her wretchedness, when we received certain information,
that Mr Thornhill was going to be married to Miss Wilmot, for whom I
always suspected he had a real passion, tho' he took every opportunity
before me to express his contempt both of her person and fortune. This
news only served to encrease poor Olivia's affliction; such a flagrant
breach of fidelity, was more than her courage could support. I was
resolved, however, to get more certain information, and to defeat, if
possible, the completion of his designs, by sending my son to old Mr
Wilmot's, with instructions to know the truth of the report, and to
deliver Miss Wilmot a letter, intimating Mr Thornhill's conduct in my
family. My son went, in pursuance of my directions, and in three days
returned, assuring us of the truth of the account; but that he had found
it impossible to deliver the letter, which he was therefore obliged to
leave, as Mr Thornhill and Miss Wilmot were visiting round the country.
They were to be married, he said, in a few days, having appeared
together at church the Sunday before he was there, in great splendour,
the bride attended by six young ladies, and he by as many gentlemen.
Their approaching nuptials filled the whole country with rejoicing, and
they usually rode out together in the grandest equipage that had been
seen in the country for many years. All the friends of both families,
he said, were there, particularly the 'Squire's uncle, Sir William
Thornhill, who bore so good a character. He added, that nothing but
mirth and feasting were going forward; that all the country praised the
young bride's beauty, and the bridegroom's fine person, and that they
were immensely fond of each other; concluding, that he could not help
thinking Mr Thornhill one of the most happy men in the world.

'Why let him if he can,' returned I: 'but, my son, observe this bed of
straw, and unsheltering roof; those mouldering walls, and humid floor;
my wretched body thus disabled by fire, and my children weeping round
me for bread; you have come home, my child, to all this, yet here,
even here, you see a man that would not for a thousand worlds exchange
situations. O, my children, if you could but learn to commune with your
own hearts, and know what noble company you can make them, you would
little regard the elegance and splendours of the worthless. Almost
all men have been taught to call life a passage, and themselves the
travellers. The similitude still may be improved when we observe that
the good are joyful and serene, like travellers that are going towards
home; the wicked but by intervals happy, like travellers that are going
into exile.'

My compassion for my poor daughter, overpowered by this new disaster,
interrupted what I had farther to observe. I bade her mother support
her, and after a short time she recovered. She appeared from that time
more calm, and I imagined had gained a new degree of resolution;
but appearances deceived me; for her tranquility was the langour of
over-wrought resentment. A supply of provisions, charitably sent us by
my kind parishioners, seemed to diffuse new cheerfulness amongst the
rest of the family, nor was I displeased at seeing them once more
sprightly and at ease. It would have been unjust to damp their
satisfactions, merely to condole with resolute melancholy, or to burthen
them with a sadness they did not feel. Thus, once more, the tale went
round and the song was demanded, and cheerfulness condescended to hover
round our little habitation.



CHAPTER 24

     Fresh calamities


The next morning the sun rose with peculiar warmth for the season; so
that we agreed to breakfast together on the honeysuckle bank: where,
while we sate, my youngest daughter, at my request, joined her voice to
the concert on the trees about us. It was in this place my poor Olivia
first met her seducer, and every object served to recall her sadness.
But that melancholy, which is excited by objects of pleasure, or
inspired by sounds of harmony, sooths the heart instead of corroding it.
Her mother too, upon this occasion, felt a pleasing distress, and wept,
and loved her daughter as before. 'Do, my pretty Olivia,' cried she,
'let us have that little melancholy air your pappa was so fond of, your
sister Sophy has already obliged us. Do child, it will please your old
father.' She complied in a manner so exquisitely pathetic as moved me.


When lovely woman stoops to folly, And finds too late that men betray,
What charm can sooth her melancholy, What art can wash her guilt away?

The only art her guilt to cover, To hide her shame from every eye, To
give repentance to her lover, And wring his bosom--is to die.


As she was concluding the last stanza, to which an interruption in
her voice from sorrow gave peculiar softness, the appearance of Mr
Thornhill's equipage at a distance alarmed us all, but particularly
encreased the uneasiness of my eldest daughter, who, desirous of
shunning her betrayer, returned to the house with her sister. In a few
minutes he was alighted from his chariot, and making up to the place
where I was still sitting, enquired after my health with his usual air
of familiarity. 'Sir,' replied I, 'your present assurance only serves
to aggravate the baseness of your character; and there was a time when I
would have chastised your insolence, for presuming thus to appear before
me. But now you are safe; for age has cooled my passions, and my calling
restrains them.'

'I vow, my dear sir,' returned he, 'I am amazed at all this; nor can I
understand what it means! I hope you don't think your daughter's late
excursion with me had any thing criminal in it.'

'Go,' cried I, 'thou art a wretch, a poor pitiful wretch, and every
way a lyar; but your meanness secures you from my anger! Yet sir, I am
descended from a family that would not have borne this! And so, thou
vile thing, to gratify a momentary passion, thou hast made one poor
creature wretched for life, and polluted a family that had nothing but
honour for their portion.'

'If she or you,' returned he, 'are resolved to be miserable, I cannot
help it. But you may still be happy; and whatever opinion you may have
formed of me, you shall ever find me ready to contribute to it. We can
marry her to another in a short time, and what is more, she may keep her
lover beside; for I protest I shall ever continue to have a true regard
for her.'

I found all my passions alarmed at this new degrading proposal; for
though the mind may often be calm under great injuries, little villainy
can at any time get within the soul, and sting it into rage.--'Avoid
my sight, thou reptile,' cried I, 'nor continue to insult me with thy
presence. Were my brave son at home, he would not suffer this; but I am
old, and disabled, and every way undone.'

'I find,' cried he, 'you are bent upon obliging me to talk in an harsher
manner than I intended. But as I have shewn you what may be hoped from
my friendship, it may not be improper to represent what may be the
consequences of my resentment. My attorney, to whom your late bond
has been transferred, threatens hard, nor do I know how to prevent the
course of justice, except by paying the money myself, which, as I have
been at some expences lately, previous to my intended marriage, is not
so easy to be done. And then my steward talks of driving for the rent:
it is certain he knows his duty; for I never trouble myself with affairs
of that nature. Yet still I could wish to serve you, and even to have
you and your daughter present at my marriage, which is shortly to be
solemnized with Miss Wilmot; it is even the request of my charming
Arabella herself, whom I hope you will not refuse.'

'Mr Thornhill,' replied I, 'hear me once for all: as to your marriage
with any but my daughter, that I never will consent to; and though your
friendship could raise me to a throne, or your resentment sink me to the
grave, yet would I despise both. Thou hast once wofully, irreparably,
deceived me. I reposed my heart upon thine honour, and have found its
baseness. Never more, therefore, expect friendship from me. Go, and
possess what fortune has given thee, beauty, riches, health, and
pleasure. Go, and leave me to want, infamy, disease, and sorrow. Yet
humbled as I am, shall my heart still vindicate its dignity, and though
thou hast my forgiveness, thou shalt ever have my contempt.'

'If so,' returned he, 'depend upon it you shall feel the effects of
this insolence, and we shall shortly see which is the fittest object of
scorn, you or me.'--Upon which he departed abruptly.

My wife and son, who were present at this interview, seemed terrified
with the apprehension. My daughters also, finding that he was gone, came
out to be informed of the result of our conference, which, when known,
alarmed them not less than the rest. But as to myself, I disregarded the
utmost stretch of his malevolence: he had already struck the blow,
and now I stood prepared to repel every new effort. Like one of those
instruments used in the art of war, which, however thrown, still
presents a point to receive the enemy.

We soon, however, found that he had not threatened in vain; for the very
next morning his steward came to demand my annual rent, which, by the
train of accidents already related, I was unable to pay. The consequence
of my incapacity was his driving my cattle that evening, and their being
appraised and sold the next day for less than half their value. My wife
and children now therefore entreated me to comply upon any terms, rather
than incur certain destruction. They even begged of me to admit his
visits once more, and used all their little eloquence to paint the
calamities I was going to endure. The terrors of a prison, in so
rigorous a season as the present, with the danger, that threatened my
health from the late accident that happened by the fire. But I continued
inflexible.

'Why, my treasures,' cried I, 'why will you thus attempt to persuade me
to the thing that is not right! My duty has taught me to forgive him;
but my conscience will not permit me to approve. Would you have me
applaud to the world what my heart must internally condemn? Would you
have me tamely sit down and flatter our infamous betrayer; and to
avoid a prison continually suffer the more galling bonds of mental
confinement! No, never. If we are to be taken from this abode, only let
us hold to the right, and wherever we are thrown, we can still retire
to a charming apartment, when we can look round our own hearts with
intrepidity and with pleasure!'

In this manner we spent that evening. Early the next morning, as the
snow had fallen in great abundance in the night, my son was employed in
clearing it away, and opening a passage before the door. He had not been
thus engaged long, when he came running in, with looks all pale, to
tell us that two strangers, whom he knew to be officers of justice, were
making towards the house.

Just as he spoke they came in, and approaching the bed where I lay,
after previously informing me of their employment and business, made me
their prisoner, bidding me prepare to go with them to the county gaol,
which was eleven miles off.

'My friends,' said I, 'this is severe weather on which you have come to
take me to a prison; and it is particularly unfortunate at this time,
as one of my arms has lately been burnt in a terrible manner, and it has
thrown me into a slight fever, and I want cloaths to cover me, and I am
now too weak and old to walk far in such deep snow: but if it must be
so--'

I then turned to my wife and children, and directed them to get together
what few things were left us, and to prepare immediately for leaving
this place. I entreated them to be expeditious, and desired my son to
assist his elder sister, who, from a consciousness that she was the
cause of all our calamities, was fallen, and had lost anguish in
insensibility. I encouraged my wife, who, pale and trembling, clasped
our affrighted little ones in her arms, that clung to her bosom in
silence, dreading to look round at the strangers. In the mean time
my youngest daughter prepared for our departure, and as she received
several hints to use dispatch, in about an hour we were ready to depart.



CHAPTER 25

     No situation, however wretched it seems, but has some sort
     of comfort attending it


We set forward from this peaceful neighbourhood, and walked on slowly.
My eldest daughter being enfeebled by a slow fever, which had begun for
some days to undermine her constitution, one of the officers, who had
an horse, kindly took her behind him; for even these men cannot entirely
divest themselves of humanity. My son led one of the little ones by the
hand, and my wife the other, while I leaned upon my youngest girl, whose
tears fell not for her own but my distresses.

We were now got from my late dwelling about two miles, when we saw a
crowd running and shouting behind us, consisting of about fifty of my
poorest parishioners. These, with dreadful imprecations, soon seized
upon the two officers of justice, and swearing they would never see
their minister go to gaol while they had a drop of blood to shed in his
defence, were going to use them with great severity. The consequence
might have been fatal, had I not immediately interposed, and with some
difficulty rescued the officers from the hands of the enraged multitude.
My children, who looked upon my delivery now as certain, appeared
transported with joy, and were incapable of containing their raptures.
But they were soon undeceived, upon hearing me address the poor deluded
people, who came, as they imagined, to do me service.

'What! my friends,' cried I, 'and is this the way you love me! Is this
the manner you obey the instructions I have given you from the pulpit!
Thus to fly in the face of justice, and bring down ruin on yourselves
and me! Which is your ringleader? Shew me the man that has thus seduced
you. As sure as he lives he shall feel my resentment. Alas! my dear
deluded flock, return back to the duty you owe to God, to your country,
and to me. I shall yet perhaps one day see you in greater felicity here,
and contribute to make your lives more happy. But let it at least be my
comfort when I pen my fold for immortality, that not one here shall be
wanting.'

They now seemed all repentance, and melting into tears, came one after
the other to bid me farewell. I shook each tenderly by the hand, and
leaving them my blessing, proceeded forward without meeting any farther
interruption. Some hours before night we reached the town, or rather
village; for it consisted but of a few mean houses, having lost all its
former opulence, and retaining no marks of its ancient superiority but
the gaol.

Upon entering, we put up at an inn, where we had such refreshments as
could most readily be procured, and I supped with my family with my
usual cheerfulness. After seeing them properly accommodated for that
night, I next attended the sheriff's officers to the prison, which had
formerly been built for the purposes of war, and consisted of one large
apartment, strongly grated, and paved with stone, common to both felons
and debtors at certain hours in the four and twenty. Besides this, every
prisoner had a separate cell, where he was locked in for the night.

I expected upon my entrance to find nothing but lamentations, and
various sounds of misery; but it was very different. The prisoners
seemed all employed in one common design, that of forgetting thought in
merriment or clamour. I was apprized of the usual perquisite required
upon these occasions, and immediately complied with the demand, though
the little money I had was very near being all exhausted. This was
immediately sent away for liquor, and the whole prison soon was filled
with riot, laughter, and prophaneness.

'How,' cried I to myself, 'shall men so very wicked be chearful, and
shall I be melancholy! I feel only the same confinement with them, and I
think I have more reason to be happy.'

With such reflections I laboured to become chearful; but chearfulness
was never yet produced by effort, which is itself painful. As I was
sitting therefore in a corner of the gaol, in a pensive posture, one
of my fellow prisoners came up, and sitting by me, entered into
conversation. It was my constant rule in life never to avoid the
conversation of any man who seemed to desire it: for if good, I might
profit by his instruction; if bad, he might be assisted by mine. I found
this to be a knowing man, of strong unlettered sense; but a thorough
knowledge of the world, as it is called, or, more properly speaking,
of human nature on the wrong side. He asked me if I had taken care to
provide myself with a bed, which was a circumstance I had never once
attended to.

'That's unfortunate,' cried he, 'as you are allowed here nothing but
straw, and your apartment is very large and cold. However you seem to be
something of a gentleman, and as I have been one myself in my time, part
of my bed-cloaths are heartily at your service.'

I thanked him, professing my surprize at finding such humanity in a gaol
in misfortunes; adding, to let him see that I was a scholar, 'That the
sage ancient seemed to understand the value of company in affliction,
when he said, Ton kosman aire, ei dos ton etairon; and in fact,'
continued I, 'what is the World if it affords only solitude?'

'You talk of the world, Sir,' returned my fellow prisoner; 'the world
is in its dotage, and yet the cosmogony or creation of the world has
puzzled the philosophers of every age. What a medly of opinions have
they not broached upon the creation of the world. Sanconiathon, Manetho,
Berosus, and Ocellus Lucanus have all attempted it in vain. The latter
has these words. Anarchon ara kai atelutaion to pan, which implies'--'I
ask pardon, Sir,' cried I, 'for interrupting so much learning; but I
think I have heard all this before. Have I not had the pleasure of once
seeing you at Welbridge fair, and is not your name Ephraim Jenkinson?'
At this demand he only sighed. 'I suppose you must recollect,' resumed
I, 'one Doctor Primrose, from whom you bought a horse.'

He now at once recollected me; for the gloominess of the place and
the approaching night had prevented his distinguishing my features
before.--'Yes, Sir,' returned Mr Jenkinson, 'I remember you perfectly
well; I bought an horse, but forgot to pay for him. Your neighbour
Flamborough is the only prosecutor I am any way afraid of at the next
assizes: for he intends to swear positively against me as a coiner. I
am heartily sorry, Sir, I ever deceived you, or indeed any man; for you
see,' continued he, shewing his shackles, 'what my tricks have brought
me to.'

'Well, sir,' replied I, 'your kindness in offering me assistance, when
you could expect no return, shall be repaid with my endeavours to soften
or totally suppress Mr Flamborough's evidence, and I will send my son to
him for that purpose the first opportunity; nor do I in the least doubt
but he will comply with my request, and as to my evidence, you need be
under no uneasiness about that.'

'Well, sir,' cried he, 'all the return I can make shall be yours. You
shall have more than half my bed-cloaths to night, and I'll take care to
stand your friend in the prison, where I think I have some influence.'

I thanked him, and could not avoid being surprised at the present
youthful change in his aspect; for at the time I had seen him before he
appeared at least sixty.--'Sir,' answered he, you are little acquainted
with the world; I had at that time false hair, and have learnt the art
of counterfeiting every age from seventeen to seventy. Ah sir, had I but
bestowed half the pains in learning a trade, that I have in learning to
be a scoundrel, I might have been a rich man at this day. But rogue as
I am, still I may be your friend, and that perhaps when you least expect
it.'

We were now prevented from further conversation, by the arrival of the
gaoler's servants, who came to call over the prisoners names, and lock
up for the night. A fellow also, with a bundle of straw for my bed
attended, who led me along a dark narrow passage into a room paved like
the common prison, and in one corner of this I spread my bed, and the
cloaths given me by my fellow prisoner; which done, my conductor, who
was civil enough, bade me a good-night. After my usual meditations, and
having praised my heavenly corrector, I laid myself down and slept with
the utmost tranquility till morning.



CHAPTER 26

     A reformation in the gaol. To make laws complete, they
     should reward as well as punish.


The next morning early I was awakened by my family, whom I found in
tears at my bed-side. The gloomy strength of every thing about us, it
seems, had daunted them. I gently rebuked their sorrow, assuring them
I had never slept with greater tranquility, and next enquired after
my eldest daughter, who was not among them. They informed me that
yesterday's uneasiness and fatigue had encreased her fever, and it was
judged proper to leave her behind. My next care was to send my son to
procure a room or two to lodge the family in, as near the prison
as conveniently could be found. He obeyed; but could only find one
apartment, which was hired at a small expence, for his mother and
sisters, the gaoler with humanity consenting to let him and his two
little brothers lie in the prison with me. A bed was therefore prepared
for them in a corner of the room, which I thought answered very
conveniently. I was willing however previously to know whether my
little children chose to lie in a place which seemed to fright them upon
entrance.

'Well,' cried I, 'my good boys, how do you like your bed? I hope you are
not afraid to lie in this room, dark as it appears.'

'No, papa,' says Dick, 'I am not afraid to lie any where where you are.'

'And I,' says Bill, who was yet but four years old, 'love every place
best that my papa is in.'

After this, I allotted to each of the family what they were to do.
My daughter was particularly directed to watch her declining sister's
health; my wife was to attend me; my little boys were to read to me:
'And as for you, my son,' continued I, 'it is by the labour of your
hands we must all hope to be supported. Your wages, as a day-labourer,
will be full sufficient, with proper frugality, to maintain us all, and
comfortably too. Thou art now sixteen years old, and hast strength, and
it was given thee, my son, for very useful purposes; for it must save
from famine your helpless parents and family. Prepare then this evening
to look out for work against to-morrow, and bring home every night what
money you earn, for our support.'

Having thus instructed him, and settled the rest, I walked down to the
common prison, where I could enjoy more air and room. But I was not long
there when the execrations, lewdness, and brutality that invaded me on
every side, drove me back to my apartment again. Here I sate for some
time, pondering upon the strange infatuation of wretches, who finding
all mankind in open arms against them, were labouring to make themselves
a future and a tremendous enemy.

Their insensibility excited my highest compassion, and blotted my own
uneasiness from my mind. It even appeared a duty incumbent upon me to
attempt to reclaim them. I resolved therefore once more to return, and
in spite of their contempt to give them my advice, and conquer them by
perseverance. Going therefore among them again, I informed Mr Jenkinson
of my design, at which he laughed heartily, but communicated it to the
rest. The proposal was received with the greatest good-humour, as it
promised to afford a new fund of entertainment to persons who had now
no other resource for mirth, but what could be derived from ridicule or
debauchery.

I therefore read them a portion of the service with a loud unaffected
voice, and found my audience perfectly merry upon the occasion. Lewd
whispers, groans of contrition burlesqued, winking and coughing,
alternately excited laughter. However, I continued with my natural
solemnity to read on, sensible that what I did might amend some, but
could itself receive no contamination from any.

After reading, I entered upon my exhortation, which was rather
calculated at first to amuse them than to reprove. I previously
observed, that no other motive but their welfare could induce me
to this; that I was their fellow prisoner, and now got nothing by
preaching. I was sorry, I said, to hear them so very prophane; because
they got nothing by it, but might lose a great deal: 'For be assured,
my friends,' cried I, 'for you are my friends, however the world may
disclaim your friendship, though you swore twelve thousand oaths in
a day, it would not put one penny in your purse. Then what signifies
calling every moment upon the devil, and courting his friendship, since
you find how scurvily he uses you. He has given you nothing here,
you find, but a mouthful of oaths and an empty belly; and by the best
accounts I have of him, he will give you nothing that's good hereafter.

'If used ill in our dealings with one man, we naturally go elsewhere.
Were it not worth your while then, just to try how you may like the
usage of another master, who gives you fair promises at least to come
to him. Surely, my Friends, of all stupidity in the world, his must
be greatest, who, after robbing an house, runs to the thieftakers for
protection. And yet how are you more wise? You are all seeking comfort
from one that has already betrayed you, applying to a more malicious
being than any thieftaker of them all; for they only decoy, and then
hang you; but he decoys and hangs, and what is worst of all, will not
let you loose after the hangman has done.'

When I had concluded, I received the compliments of my audience, some
of whom came and shook me by the hand, swearing that I was a very honest
fellow, and that they desired my further acquaintance. I therefore
promised to repeat my lecture next day, and actually conceived some
hopes of making a reformation here; for it had ever been my opinion,
that no man was past the hour of amendment, every heart lying open to
the shafts of reproof, if the archer could but take a proper aim. When
I had thus satisfied my mind, I went back to my apartment, where my wife
had prepared a frugal meal, while Mr Jenkinson begged leave to add his
dinner to ours, and partake of the pleasure, as he was kind enough to
express it of my conversation. He had not yet seen my family, for as
they came to my apartment by a door in the narrow passage, already
described, by this means they avoided the common prison. Jenkinson at
the first interview therefore seemed not a little struck with the beauty
of my youngest daughter, which her pensive air contributed to heighten,
and my little ones did not pass unnoticed.

'Alas, Doctor,' cried he, 'these children are too handsome and too good
for such a place as this!'

Why, Mr Jenkinson', replied I, 'thank heaven my children are pretty
tolerable in morals, and if they be good, it matters little for the
rest.'

'I fancy, sir,' returned my fellow prisoner, 'that it must give you
great comfort to have this little family about you.'

'A comfort, Mr Jenkinson,' replied I, 'yes it is indeed a comfort, and I
would not be without them for all the world; for they can make a
dungeon seem a palace. There is but one way in this life of wounding my
happiness, and that is by injuring them.'

'I am afraid then, sir,' cried he, 'that I am in some measure culpable;
for I think I see here (looking at my son Moses) one that I have
injured, and by whom I wish to be forgiven.'

My son immediately recollected his voice and features, though he had
before seen him in disguise, and taking him by the hand, with a smile
forgave him. 'Yet,' continued he, 'I can't help wondering at what you
could see in my face, to think me a proper mark for deception.'

'My dear sir,' returned the other, 'it was not your face, but your white
stockings and the black ribband in your hair, that allured me. But no
disparagement to your parts, I have deceived wiser men than you in my
time; and yet, with all my tricks, the blockheads have been too many for
me at last.'

'I suppose,' cried my son, 'that the narrative of such a life as yours
must be extremely instructive and amusing.'

'Not much of either,' returned Mr Jenkinson. 'Those relations which
describe the tricks and vices only of mankind, by increasing our
suspicion in life, <DW44> our success. The traveller that distrusts
every person he meets, and turns back upon the appearance of every man
that looks like a robber, seldom arrives in time at his journey's end.

'Indeed I think from my own experience, that the knowing one is the
silliest fellow under the sun. I was thought cunning from my very
childhood; when but seven years old the ladies would say that I was a
perfect little man; at fourteen I knew the world, cocked my hat, and
loved the ladies; at twenty, though I was perfectly honest, yet every
one thought me so cunning, that not one would trust me. Thus I was at
last obliged to turn sharper in my own defence, and have lived
ever since, my head throbbing with schemes to deceive, and my heart
palpitating with fears of detection.

'I used often to laugh at your honest simple neighbour Flamborough,
and one way or another generally cheated him once a year. Yet still the
honest man went forward without suspicion, and grew rich, while I still
continued tricksy and cunning, and was poor, without the consolation of
being honest.

'However,' continued he, 'let me know your case, and what has brought
you here; perhaps though I have not skill to avoid a gaol myself, I may
extricate my friends.'

In compliance with his curiosity, I informed him of the whole train of
accidents and follies that had plunged me into my present troubles, and
my utter inability to get free.

After hearing my story, and pausing some minutes, he slapt his forehead,
as if he had hit upon something material, and took his leave, saying he
would try what could be done.



CHAPTER 27

     The same subject continued


The next morning I communicated to my wife and children the scheme I had
planned of reforming the prisoners, which they received with universal
disapprobation, alledging the impossibility and impropriety of it;
adding, that my endeavours would no way contribute to their amendment,
but might probably disgrace my calling.

'Excuse me,' returned I, 'these people, however fallen, are still men,
and that is a very good title to my affections. Good council rejected
returns to enrich the giver's bosom; and though the instruction I
communicate may not mend them, yet it will assuredly mend myself. If
these wretches, my children, were princes, there would be thousands
ready to offer their ministry; but, in my opinion, the heart that is
buried in a dungeon is as precious as that seated upon a throne. Yes, my
treasures, if I can mend them I will; perhaps they will not all despise
me. Perhaps I may catch up even one from the gulph, and, that will
be great gain; for is there upon earth a gem so precious as the human
soul?'

Thus saying, I left them, and descended to the common prison, where I
found the prisoners very merry, expecting my arrival; and each prepared
with some gaol trick to play upon the doctor. Thus, as I was going to
begin, one turned my wig awry, as if by accident, and then asked my
pardon. A second, who stood at some distance, had a knack of spitting
through his teeth, which fell in showers upon my book. A third would cry
amen in such an affected tone as gave the rest great delight. A fourth
had slily picked my pocket of my spectacles. But there was one whose
trick gave more universal pleasure than all the rest; for observing the
manner in which I had disposed my books on the table before me, he very
dextrously displaced one of them, and put an obscene jest-book of his
own in the place. However I took no notice of all that this mischievous
groupe of little beings could do; but went on, perfectly sensible that
what was ridiculous in my attempt, would excite mirth only the first
or second time, while what was serious would be permanent. My design
succeeded, and in less than six days some were penitent, and all
attentive.

It was now that I applauded my perseverance and address, at thus giving
sensibility to wretches divested of every moral feeling, and now began
to think of doing them temporal services also, by rendering their
situation somewhat more comfortable. Their time had hitherto been
divided between famine and excess, tumultous riot and bitter repining.
Their only employment was quarrelling among each other, playing at
cribbage, and cutting tobacco stoppers. From this last mode of idle
industry I took the hint of setting such as chose to work at cutting
pegs for tobacconists and shoemakers, the proper wood being bought by a
general subscription, and when manufactured, sold by my appointment; so
that each earned something every day: a trifle indeed, but sufficient to
maintain him.

I did not stop here, but instituted fines for the punishment of
immorality, and rewards for peculiar industry. Thus in less than a
fortnight I had formed them into something social and humane, and had
the pleasure of regarding myself as a legislator, who had brought men
from their native ferocity into friendship and obedience.

And it were highly to be wished, that legislative power would thus
direct the law rather to reformation than severity. That it would
seem convinced that the work of eradicating crimes is not by making
punishments familiar, but formidable. Then instead of our present
prisons, which find or make men guilty, which enclose wretches for the
commission of one crime, and return them, if returned alive, fitted
for the perpetration of thousands; we should see, as in other parts of
Europe, places of penitence and solitude, where the accused might be
attended by such as could give them repentance if guilty, or new motives
to virtue if innocent. And this, but not the increasing punishments, is
the way to mend a state: nor can I avoid even questioning the validity
of that right which social combinations have assumed of capitally
punishing offences of a slight nature. In cases of murder their right is
obvious, as it is the duty of us all, from the law of self-defence,
to cut off that man who has shewn a disregard for the life of another.
Against such, all nature arises in arms; but it is not so against him
who steals my property. Natural law gives me no right to take away his
life, as by that the horse he steals is as much his property as mine. If
then I have any right, it must be from a compact made between us, that
he who deprives the other of his horse shall die. But this is a false
compact; because no man has a right to barter his life, no more than
to take it away, as it is not his own. And beside, the compact is
inadequate, and would be set aside even in a court of modern equity, as
there is a great penalty for a very trifling convenience, since it is
far better that two men should live, than that one man should ride.
But a compact that is false between two men, is equally so between an
hundred, or an hundred thousand; for as ten millions of circles can
never make a square, so the united voice of myriads cannot lend the
smallest foundation to falsehood. It is thus that reason speaks, and
untutored nature says the same thing. Savages that are directed by
natural law alone are very tender of the lives of each other; they
seldom shed blood but to retaliate former cruelty.

Our Saxon ancestors, fierce as they were in war, had but few executions
in times of peace; and in all commencing governments that have the print
of nature still strong upon them, scarce any crime is held capital.

It is among the citizens of a refined community that penal laws, which
are in the hands of the rich, are laid upon the poor. Government, while
it grows older, seems to acquire the moroseness of age; and as if our
property were become dearer in proportion as it increased, as if
the more enormous our wealth, the more extensive our fears, all our
possessions are paled up with new edicts every day, and hung round with
gibbets to scare every invader.

I cannot tell whether it is from the number of our penal laws, or
the licentiousness of our people, that this country should shew more
convicts in a year, than half the dominions of Europe united. Perhaps
it is owing to both; for they mutually produce each other. When by
indiscriminate penal laws a nation beholds the same punishment affixed
to dissimilar degrees of guilt, from perceiving no distinction in the
penalty, the people are led to lose all sense of distinction in the
crime, and this distinction is the bulwark of all morality: thus the
multitude of laws produce new vices, and new vices call for fresh
restraints.

It were to be wished then that power, instead a contriving new laws
to punish vice, instead of drawing hard the cords of society till a
convulsion come to burst them, instead of cutting away wretches as
useless, before we have tried their utility, instead of converting
correction into vengeance, it were to be wished that we tried the
restrictive arts of government, and made law the protector, but not the
tyrant of the people. We should then find that creatures, whose souls
are held as dross, only wanted the hand of a refiner; we should then
find that wretches, now stuck up for long tortures, lest luxury should
feel a momentary pang, might, if properly treated, serve to sinew the
state in times of danger; that, as their faces are like ours, their
hearts are so too; that few minds are so base as that perseverance
cannot amend; that a man may see his last crime without dying for it;
and that very little blood will serve to cement our security.



CHAPTER 28

     Happiness and misery rather the result of prudence than of
     virtue in this life. Temporal evils or felicities being
     regarded by heaven as things merely in themselves trifling
     and unworthy its care in the distribution


I had now been confined more than a fortnight, but had not since my
arrival been visited by my dear Olivia, and I greatly longed to see her.
Having communicated my wishes to my wife, the next morning the poor girl
entered my apartment, leaning on her sister's arm. The change which
I saw in her countenance struck me. The numberless graces that once
resided there were now fled, and the hand of death seemed to have molded
every feature to alarm me. Her temples were sunk, her forehead was
tense, and a fatal paleness sate upon her cheek.

'I am glad to see thee, my dear,' cried I; 'but why this dejection
Livy? I hope, my love, you have too great a regard for me, to permit
disappointment thus to undermine a life which I prize as my own. Be
chearful child, and we yet may see happier days.'

'You have ever, sir,' replied she, 'been kind to me, and it adds to my
pain that I shall never have an opportunity of sharing that happiness
you promise. Happiness, I fear, is no longer reserved for me here; and I
long to be rid of a place where I have only found distress. Indeed, sir,
I wish you would make a proper submission to Mr Thornhill; it may, in
some measure, induce him to pity you, and it will give me relief in
dying.'

'Never, child,' replied I, 'never will I be brought to acknowledge my
daughter a prostitute; for tho' the world may look upon your offence
with scorn, let it be mine to regard it as a mark of credulity, not of
guilt. My dear, I am no way miserable in this place, however dismal it
may seem, and be assured that while you continue to bless me by living,
he shall never have my consent to make you more wretched by marrying
another.'

After the departure of my daughter, my fellow prisoner, who was by
at this interview, sensibly enough expostulated upon my obstinacy, in
refusing a submission, which promised to give me freedom. He observed,
that the rest of my family was not to be sacrificed to the peace of one
child alone, and she the only one who had offended me. 'Beside,' added
he, 'I don't know if it be just thus to obstruct the union of man and
wife, which you do at present, by refusing to consent to a match which
you cannot hinder, but may render unhappy.'

'Sir,' replied I, 'you are unacquainted with the man that oppresses
us. I am very sensible that no submission I can make could procure me
liberty even for an hour. I am told that even in this very room a debtor
of his, no later than last year, died for want. But though my submission
and approbation could transfer me from hence, to the most beautiful
apartment he is possessed of; yet I would grant neither, as something
whispers me that it would be giving a sanction to adultery. While my
daughter lives, no other marriage of his shall ever be legal in my
eye. Were she removed, indeed, I should be the basest of men, from any
resentment of my own, to attempt putting asunder those who wish for an
union. No, villain as he is, I should then wish him married, to prevent
the consequences of his future debaucheries. But now should I not be
the most cruel of all fathers, to sign an Instrument which must send my
child to the grave, merely to avoid a prison myself; and thus to escape
one pang, break my child's heart with a thousand?'

He acquiesced in the justice of this answer, but could not avoid
observing, that he feared my daughter's life was already too much wasted
to keep me long a prisoner. 'However,' continued he, 'though you refuse
to submit to the nephew, I hope you have no objections to laying your
case before the uncle, who has the first character in the kingdom for
every thing that is just and good. I would advise you to send him a
letter by the post, intimating all his nephew's ill usage, and my life
for it that in three days you shall have an answer.' I thank'd him for
the hint, and instantly set about complying; but I wanted paper, and
unluckily all our money had been laid out that morning in provisions;
however he supplied me.

For the three ensuing days I was in a state of anxiety, to know what
reception my letter might meet with; but in the mean time was frequently
solicited by my wife to submit to any conditions rather than remain
here, and every hour received repeated accounts of the decline of my
daughter's health. The third day and the fourth arrived, but I received
no answer to my letter: the complaints of a stranger against a favourite
nephew, were no way likely to succeed; so that these hopes soon vanished
like all my former. My mind, however, still supported itself though
confinement and bad air began to make a visible alteration in my health,
and my arm that had suffered in the fire, grew worse. My children
however sate by me, and while I was stretched on my straw, read to me by
turns, or listened and wept at my instructions. But my daughter's
health declined faster than mine; every message from her contributed
to encrease my apprehensions and pain. The fifth morning after I had
written the letter which was sent to Sir William Thornhill, I was
alarmed with an account that she was speechless. Now it was, that
confinement was truly painful to me; my soul was bursting from its
prison to be near the pillow of my child, to comfort, to strengthen
her, to receive her last wishes, and teach her soul the way to heaven!
Another account came. She was expiring, and yet I was debarred the small
comfort of weeping by her. My fellow prisoner, some time after, came
with the last account. He bade me be patient. She was dead!--The next
morning he returned, and found me with my two little ones, now my only
companions, who were using all their innocent efforts to comfort me.
They entreated to read to me, and bade me not to cry, for I was now
too old to weep. 'And is not my sister an angel, now, pappa,' cried the
eldest, 'and why then are you sorry for her? I wish I were an angel
out of this frightful place, if my pappa were with me.' 'Yes,' added
my youngest darling, 'Heaven, where my sister is, is a finer place than
this, and there are none but good people there, and the people here are
very bad.'

Mr Jenkinson interupted their harmless prattle, by observing that now my
daughter was no more, I should seriously think of the rest of my family,
and attempt to save my own life, which was every day declining, for want
of necessaries and wholesome air. He added, that it was now incumbent
on me to sacrifice any pride or resentment of my own, to the welfare of
those who depended on me for support; and that I was now, both by reason
and justice, obliged to try to reconcile my landlord.

'Heaven be praised,' replied I, 'there is no pride left me now, I should
detest my own heart if I saw either pride or resentment lurking there.
On the contrary, as my oppressor has been once my parishioner, I hope
one day to present him up an unpolluted soul at the eternal tribunal.
No, sir, I have no resentment now, and though he has taken from me what
I held dearer than all his treasures, though he has wrung my heart, for
I am sick almost to fainting, very sick, my fellow prisoner, yet that
shall never inspire me with vengeance. I am now willing to approve his
marriage, and if this submission can do him any pleasure, let him know,
that if I have done him any injury, I am sorry for it.' Mr Jenkinson
took pen and ink, and wrote down my submission nearly as I have exprest
it, to which I signed my name. My son was employed to carry the letter
to Mr Thornhill, who was then at his seat in the country. He went,
and in about six hours returned with a verbal answer. He had some
difficulty, he said, to get a sight of his landlord, as the servants
were insolent and suspicious; but he accidentally saw him as he was
going out upon business, preparing for his marriage, which was to be in
three days. He continued to inform us, that he stept up in the humblest
manner, and delivered the letter, which, when Mr Thornhill had read, he
said that all submission was now too late and unnecessary; that he had
heard of our application to his uncle, which met with the contempt it
deserved; and as for the rest, that all future applications should be
directed to his attorney, not to him. He observed, however, that as he
had a very good opinion of the discretion of the two young ladies, they
might have been the most agreeable intercessors.

'Well, sir,' said I to my fellow prisoner, 'you now discover the temper
of the man that oppresses me. He can at once be facetious and cruel;
but let him use me as he will, I shall soon be free, in spite of all
his bolts to restrain me. I am now drawing towards an abode that looks
brighter as I approach it: this expectation cheers my afflictions, and
though I leave an helpless family of orphans behind me, yet they will
not be utterly forsaken; some friend, perhaps, will be found to assist
them for the sake of their poor father, and some may charitably relieve
them for the sake of their heavenly father.'

Just as I spoke, my wife, whom I had not seen that day before, appeared
with looks of terror, and making efforts, but unable to speak. 'Why, my
love,' cried I, 'why will you thus encrease my afflictions by your
own, what though no submissions can turn our severe master, tho' he has
doomed me to die in this place of wretchedness, and though we have lost
a darling child, yet still you will find comfort in your other children
when I shall be no more.' 'We have indeed lost,' returned she, 'a
darling child. My Sophia, my dearest, is gone, snatched from us, carried
off by ruffians!'

'How madam,' cried my fellow prisoner, 'Miss Sophia carried off by
villains, sure it cannot be?'

She could only answer with a fixed look and a flood of tears. But one of
the prisoners' wives, who was present, and came in with her, gave us a
more distinct account: she informed us that as my wife, my daughter, and
herself, were taking a walk together on the great road a little way out
of the village, a post-chaise and pair drove up to them and instantly
stopt. Upon which, a well drest man, but not Mr Thornhill, stepping
out, clasped my daughter round the waist, and forcing her in, bid the
postillion drive on, so that they were out of sight in a moment.

'Now,' cried I, 'the sum of my misery is made up, nor is it in the power
of any thing on earth to give me another pang. What! not one left! not
to leave me one! the monster! the child that was next my heart! she had
the beauty of an angel, and almost the wisdom of an angel. But support
that woman, nor let her fall. Not to leave me one!'--'Alas! my husband,'
said my wife, 'you seem to want comfort even more than I. Our distresses
are great; but I could bear this and more, if I saw you but easy. They
may take away my children and all the world, if they leave me but you.'

My son, who was present, endeavoured to moderate our grief; he bade
us take comfort, for he hoped that we might still have reason to be
thankful.--'My child,' cried I, 'look round the world, and see if there
be any happiness left me now. Is not every ray of comfort shut out;
while all our bright prospects only lie beyond the grave!'--'My dear
father,' returned he, 'I hope there is still something that will give
you an interval of satisfaction; for I have a letter from my brother
George'--'What of him, child,' interrupted I, 'does he know our misery.
I hope my boy is exempt from any part of what his wretched family
suffers?'--'Yes, sir,' returned he, 'he is perfectly gay, chearful, and
happy. His letter brings nothing but good news; he is the favourite of
his colonel, who promises to procure him the very next lieutenancy that
becomes vacant!'

'And are you sure of all this,' cried my wife, 'are you sure that
nothing ill has befallen my boy?'--'Nothing indeed, madam,' returned
my son, 'you shall see the letter, which will give you the highest
pleasure; and if any thing can procure you comfort, I am sure that
will.' 'But are you sure,' still repeated she, 'that the letter is from
himself, and that he is really so happy?'--'Yes, Madam,' replied he, 'it
is certainly his, and he will one day be the credit and the support of
our family!'--'Then I thank providence,' cried she, 'that my last letter
to him has miscarried.' 'Yes, my dear,' continued she, turning to me, 'I
will now confess that though the hand of heaven is sore upon us in other
instances, it has been favourable here. By the last letter I wrote
my son, which was in the bitterness of anger, I desired him, upon his
mother's blessing, and if he had the heart of a man, to see justice done
his father and sister, and avenge our cause. But thanks be to him that
directs all things, it has miscarried, and I am at rest.' 'Woman,' cried
I, 'thou hast done very ill, and at another time my reproaches might
have been more severe. Oh! what a tremendous gulph hast thou escaped,
that would have buried both thee and him in endless ruin. Providence,
indeed, has here been kinder to us than we to ourselves. It has reserved
that son to be the father and protector of my children when I shall be
away. How unjustly did I complain of being stript of every comfort, when
still I hear that he is happy and insensible of our afflictions; still
kept in reserve to support his widowed mother, and to protect his
brothers and sisters. But what sisters has he left, he has no sisters
now, they are all gone, robbed from me, and I am undone.'--'Father,'
interrupted my son, 'I beg you will give me leave to read this letter,
I know it will please you.' Upon which, with my permission, he read as
follows:--

Honoured Sir,--I have called off my imagination a few moments from the
pleasures that surround me, to fix it upon objects that are still
more pleasing, the dear little fire-side at home. My fancy draws that
harmless groupe as listening to every line of this with great composure.
I view those faces with delight which never felt the deforming hand of
ambition or distress! But whatever your happiness may be at home, I am
sure it will be some addition to it, to hear that I am perfectly pleased
with my situation, and every way happy here.

Our regiment is countermanded and is not to leave the kingdom; the
colonel, who professes himself my friend, takes me with him to all
companies where he is acquainted, and after my first visit I generally
find myself received with encreased respect upon repeating it. I danced
last night with Lady G-, and could I forget you know whom, I might be
perhaps successful. But it is my fate still to remember others, while I
am myself forgotten by most of my absent friends, and in this number,
I fear, Sir, that I must consider you; for I have long expected the
pleasure of a letter from home to no purpose. Olivia and Sophia too,
promised to write, but seem to have forgotten me. Tell them they are
two arrant little baggages, and that I am this moment in a most violent
passion with them: yet still, I know not how, tho' I want to bluster a
little, my heart is respondent only to softer emotions. Then tell them,
sir, that after all, I love them affectionately, and be assured of my
ever remaining

Your dutiful son.


'In all our miseries,' cried I, 'what thanks have we not to return, that
one at least of our family is exempted from what we suffer. Heaven be
his guard, and keep my boy thus happy to be the supporter of his widowed
mother, and the father of these two babes, which is all the patrimony I
can now bequeath him. May he keep their innocence from the temptations
of want, and be their conductor in the paths of honour.' I had scarce
said these words, when a noise, like that of a tumult, seemed to proceed
from the prison below; it died away soon after, and a clanking of
fetters was heard along the passage that led to my apartment. The keeper
of the prison entered, holding a man all bloody, wounded and fettered
with the heaviest irons. I looked with compassion on the wretch as he
approached me, but with horror when I found it was my own son.--'My
George! My George! and do I find thee thus. Wounded! Fettered! Is this
thy happiness! Is this the manner you return to me! O that this sight
could break my heart at once and let me die!'

'Where, Sir, is your fortitude,' returned my son with an intrepid voice.
'I must suffer, my life is forfeited, and let them take it.'

I tried to restrain my passions for a few minutes in silence, but I
thought I should have died with the effort--'O my boy, my heart weeps
to behold thee thus, and I cannot, cannot help it. In the moment that
I thought thee blest, and prayed for thy safety, to behold thee thus
again! Chained, wounded. And yet the death of the youthful is happy.
But I am old, a very old man, and have lived to see this day. To see
my children all untimely falling about me, while I continue a wretched
survivor in the midst of ruin! May all the curses that ever sunk a soul
fall heavy upon the murderer of my children. May he live, like me, to
see--'

'Hold, Sir,' replied my son, 'or I shall blush for thee. How, Sir,
forgetful of your age, your holy calling, thus to arrogate the justice
of heaven, and fling those curses upward that must soon descend to crush
thy own grey head with destruction! No, Sir, let it be your care now to
fit me for that vile death I must shortly suffer, to arm me with hope
and resolution, to give me courage to drink of that bitterness which
must shortly be my portion.'

'My child, you must not die: I am sure no offence of thine can deserve
so vile a punishment. My George could never be guilty of any crime to
make his ancestors ashamed of him.'

'Mine, Sir,' returned my son, 'is, I fear, an unpardonable one. When
I received my mother's letter from home, I immediately came down,
determined to punish the betrayer of our honour, and sent him an order
to meet me, which he answered, not in person, but by his dispatching
four of his domestics to seize me. I wounded one who first assaulted me,
and I fear desperately, but the rest made me their prisoner. The coward
is determined to put the law in execution against me, the proofs are
undeniable, I have sent a challenge, and as I am the first transgressor
upon the statute, I see no hopes of pardon. But you have often charmed
me with your lessons of fortitude, let me now, Sir, find them in your
example.'

'And, my son, you shall find them. I am now raised above this world, and
all the pleasures it can produce. From this moment I break from my heart
all the ties that held it down to earth, and will prepare to fit us both
for eternity. Yes, my son, I will point out the way, and my soul shall
guide yours in the ascent, for we will take our flight together. I
now see and am convinced you can expect no pardon here, and I can only
exhort you to seek it at that greatest tribunal where we both shall
shortly answer. But let us not be niggardly in our exhortation, but let
all our fellow prisoners have a share: good gaoler let them be permitted
to stand here, while I attempt to improve them.' Thus saying, I made an
effort to rise from my straw, but wanted strength, and was able only
to recline against the wall. The prisoners assembled according to my
direction, for they loved to hear my council, my son and his mother
supported me on either side, I looked and saw that none were wanting,
and then addressed them with the following exhortation.



CHAPTER 29

     The equal dealings of providence demonstrated with regard to
     the happy and the miserable here below. That from the nature
     of pleasure and pain, the wretched must be repaid the
     balance of their sufferings in the life hereafter


My friends, my children, and fellow sufferers, when I reflect on the
distribution of good and evil here below, I find that much has been
given man to enjoy, yet still more to suffer. Though we should examine
the whole world, we shall not find one man so happy as to have nothing
left to wish for; but we daily see thousands who by suicide shew us they
have nothing left to hope. In this life then it appears that we cannot
be entirely blest; but yet we may be completely miserable!

Why man should thus feel pain, why our wretchedness should be requisite
in the formation of universal felicity, why, when all other systems are
made perfect by the perfection of their subordinate parts, the great
system should require for its perfection, parts that are not only
subordinate to others, but imperfect in themselves? These are questions
that never can be explained, and might be useless if known. On this
subject providence has thought fit to elude our curiosity, satisfied
with granting us motives to consolation.

In this situation, man has called in the friendly assistance of
philosophy, and heaven seeing the incapacity of that to console him, has
given him the aid of religion. The consolations of philosophy are very
amusing, but often fallacious. It tells us that life is filled with
comforts, if we will but enjoy them; and on the other hand, that though
we unavoidably have miseries here, life is short, and they will soon be
over. Thus do these consolations destroy each other; for if life is a
place of comfort, its shortness must be misery, and if it be long, our
griefs are protracted. Thus philosophy is weak; but religion comforts
in an higher strain. Man is here, it tells us, fitting up his mind, and
preparing it for another abode. When the good man leaves the body and is
all a glorious mind, he will find he has been making himself a heaven of
happiness here, while the wretch that has been maimed and contaminated
by his vices, shrinks from his body with terror, and finds that he has
anticipated the vengeance of heaven. To religion then we must hold in
every circumstance of life for our truest comfort; for if already we
are happy, it is a pleasure to think that we can make that happiness
unending, and if we are miserable, it is very consoling to think that
there is a place of rest. Thus to the fortunate religion holds out a
continuance of bliss, to the wretched a change from pain.

But though religion is very kind to all men, it has promised peculiar
rewards to the unhappy; the sick, the naked, the houseless, the
heavy-laden, and the prisoner, have ever most frequent promises in our
sacred law. The author of our religion every where professes himself the
wretch's friend, and unlike the false ones of this world, bestows all
his caresses upon the forlorn. The unthinking have censured this as
partiality, as a preference without merit to deserve it. But they never
reflect that it is not in the power even of heaven itself to make the
offer of unceasing felicity as great a gift to the happy as to the
miserable. To the first eternity is but a single blessing, since at most
it but encreases what they already possess. To the latter it is a double
advantage; for it diminishes their pain here, and rewards them with
heavenly bliss hereafter.

But providence is in another respect kinder to the poor than the rich;
for as it thus makes the life after death more desirable, so it smooths
the passage there. The wretched have had a long familiarity with every
face of terror. The man of sorrow lays himself quietly down, without
possessions to regret, and but few ties to stop his departure: he feels
only nature's pang in the final separation, and this is no way greater
than he has often fainted under before; for after a certain degree of
pain, every new breach that death opens in the constitution, nature
kindly covers with insensibility.

Thus providence has given the wretched two advantages over the happy, in
this life, greater felicity in dying, and in heaven all that
superiority of pleasure which arises from contrasted enjoyment. And this
superiority, my friends, is no small advantage, and seems to be one of
the pleasures of the poor man in the parable; for though he was already
in heaven, and felt all the raptures it could give, yet it was mentioned
as an addition to his happiness, that he had once been wretched and now
was comforted, that he had known what it was to be miserable, and now
felt what it was to be happy.

Thus, my friends, you see religion does what philosophy could never do:
it shews the equal dealings of heaven to the happy and the unhappy, and
levels all human enjoyments to nearly the same standard. It gives to
both rich and poor the same happiness hereafter, and equal hopes to
aspire after it; but if the rich have the advantage of enjoying pleasure
here, the poor have the endless satisfaction of knowing what it was once
to be miserable, when crowned with endless felicity hereafter; and even
though this should be called a small advantage, yet being an eternal
one, it must make up by duration what the temporal happiness of the
great may have exceeded by intenseness.

These are therefore the consolations which the wretched have peculiar
to themselves, and in which they are above the rest of mankind; in other
respects they are below them. They who would know the miseries of the
poor must see life and endure it. To declaim on the temporal advantages
they enjoy, is only repeating what none either believe or practise. The
men who have the necessaries of living are not poor, and they who want
them must be miserable. Yes, my friends, we must be miserable. No vain
efforts of a refined imagination can sooth the wants of nature, can
give elastic sweetness to the dank vapour of a dungeon, or ease to the
throbbings of a broken heart. Let the philosopher from his couch of
softness tell us that we can resist all these. Alas! the effort by which
we resist them is still the greatest pain! Death is slight, and any man
may sustain it; but torments are dreadful, and these no man can endure.

To us then, my friends, the promises of happiness in heaven should be
peculiarly dear; for if our reward be in this life alone, we are then
indeed of all men the most miserable. When I look round these gloomy
walls, made to terrify, as well as to confine us; this light that only
serves to shew the horrors of the place, those shackles that tyranny has
imposed, or crime made necessary; when I survey these emaciated looks,
and hear those groans, O my friends, what a glorious exchange would
heaven be for these. To fly through regions unconfined as air, to
bask in the sunshine of eternal bliss, to carrol over endless hymns
of praise, to have no master to threaten or insult us, but the form of
goodness himself for ever in our eyes, when I think of these things,
death becomes the messenger of very glad tidings; when I think of these
things, his sharpest arrow becomes the staff of my support; when I think
of these things, what is there in life worth having; when I think of
these things, what is there that should not be spurned away: kings in
their palaces should groan for such advantages; but we, humbled as we
are, should yearn for them.

And shall these things be ours? Ours they will certainly be if we
but try for them; and what is a comfort, we are shut out from many
temptations that would <DW44> our pursuit. Only let us try for them, and
they will certainly be ours, and what is still a comfort, shortly too;
for if we look back on past life, it appears but a very short span, and
whatever we may think of the rest of life, it will yet be found of
less duration; as we grow older, the days seem to grow shorter, and our
intimacy with time, ever lessens the perception of his stay. Then let
us take comfort now, for we shall soon be at our journey's end; we
shall soon lay down the heavy burthen laid by heaven upon us, and though
death, the only friend of the wretched, for a little while mocks the
weary traveller with the view, and like his horizon, still flies before
him; yet the time will certainly and shortly come, when we shall cease
from our toil; when the luxurious great ones of the world shall no
more tread us to the earth; when we shall think with pleasure on our
sufferings below; when we shall be surrounded with all our friends, or
such as deserved our friendship; when our bliss shall be unutterable,
and still, to crown all, unending.



CHAPTER 30

     Happier prospects begin to appear. Let us be inflexible, and
     fortune will at last change in our favour


When I had thus finished and my audience was retired, the gaoler, who
was one of the most humane of his profession, hoped I would not be
displeased, as what he did was but his duty, observing that he must be
obliged to remove my son into a stronger cell, but that he should be
permitted to revisit me every morning. I thanked him for his clemency,
and grasping my boy's hand, bade him farewell, and be mindful of the
great duty that was before him.

I again, therefore laid me down, and one of my little ones sate by my
bedside reading, when Mr Jenkinson entering, informed me that there was
news of my daughter; for that she was seen by a person about two hours
before in a strange gentleman's company, and that they had stopt at
a neighbouring village for refreshment, and seemed as if returning to
town. He had scarce delivered this news, when the gaoler came with looks
of haste and pleasure, to inform me, that my daughter was found. Moses
came running in a moment after, crying out that his sister Sophy was
below and coming up with our old friend Mr Burchell.

Just as he delivered this news my dearest girl entered, and with looks
almost wild with pleasure, ran to kiss me in a transport of affection.
Her mother's tears and silence also shewed her pleasure.--'Here,
pappa,' cried the charming girl, 'here is the brave man to whom I owe my
delivery; to this gentleman's intrepidity I am indebted for my happiness
and safety--' A kiss from Mr Burchell, whose pleasure seemed even
greater than hers, interrupted what she was going to add.

'Ah, Mr Burchell,' cried I, 'this is but a wretched habitation you now
find us in; and we are now very different from what you last saw us. You
were ever our friend: we have long discovered our errors with regard
to you, and repented of our ingratitude. After the vile usage you then
received at my hands I am almost ashamed to behold your face; yet I hope
you'll forgive me, as I was deceived by a base ungenerous wretch, who,
under the mask of friendship, has undone me.'

'It is impossible,' replied Mr Burchell, 'that I should forgive you, as
you never deserved my resentment. I partly saw your delusion then, and
as it was out of my power to restrain, I could only pity it!'

'It was ever my conjecture,' cried I, 'that your mind was noble; but now
I find it so. But tell me, my dear child, how hast thou been relieved,
or who the ruffians were who carried thee away?'

'Indeed, Sir,' replied she, 'as to the villain who carried me off, I am
yet ignorant. For as my mamma and I were walking out, he came behind us,
and almost before I could call for help, forced me into the post-chaise,
and in an instant the horses drove away. I met several on the road, to
whom I cried out for assistance; but they disregarded my entreaties.
In the mean time the ruffian himself used every art to hinder me from
crying out: he flattered and threatened by turns, and swore that if I
continued but silent, he intended no harm. In the mean time I had broken
the canvas that he had drawn up, and whom should I perceive at some
distance but your old friend Mr Burchell, walking along with his usual
swiftness, with the great stick for which we used so much to ridicule
him. As soon as we came within hearing, I called out to him by name,
and entreated his help. I repeated my exclamations several times, upon
which, with a very loud voice, he bid the postillion stop; but the boy
took no notice, but drove on with still greater speed. I now thought he
could never overtake us, when in less than a minute I saw Mr Burchell
come running up by the side of the horses, and with one blow knock the
postillion to the ground. The horses when he was fallen soon stopt of
themselves, and the ruffian stepping out, with oaths and menaces drew
his sword, and ordered him at his peril to retire; but Mr Burchell
running up, shivered his sword to pieces, and then pursued him for near
a quarter of a mile; but he made his escape. I was at this time come out
myself, willing to assist my deliverer; but he soon returned to me in
triumph. The postillion, who was recovered, was going to make his escape
too; but Mr Burchell ordered him at his peril to mount again, and drive
back to town. Finding it impossible to resist, he reluctantly complied,
though the wound he had received seemed, to me at least, to be
dangerous. He continued to complain of the pain as we drove along, so
that he at last excited Mr Burchell's compassion, who, at my request,
exchanged him for another at an inn where we called on our return.'

'Welcome then,' cried I, 'my child, and thou her gallant deliverer, a
thousand welcomes. Though our chear is but wretched, yet our hearts are
ready to receive you. And now, Mr Burchell, as you have delivered my
girl, if you think her a recompence she is yours, if you can stoop to an
alliance with a family so poor as mine, take her, obtain her consent, as
I know you have her heart, and you have mine. And let me tell you, Sir,
that I give you no small treasure, she has been celebrated for beauty
it is true, but that is not my meaning, I give you up a treasure in her
mind.'

'But I suppose, Sir,' cried Mr Burchell, 'that you are apprized of my
circumstances, and of my incapacity to support her as she deserves?'

'If your present objection,' replied I, 'be meant as an evasion of my
offer, I desist: but I know no man so worthy to deserve her as you; and
if I could give her thousands, and thousands sought her from me, yet my
honest brave Burchell should be my dearest choice.'

To all this his silence alone seemed to give a mortifying refusal, and
without the least reply to my offer, he demanded if we could not be
furnished with refreshments from the next inn, to which being answered
in the affirmative, he ordered them to send in the best dinner that
could be provided upon such short notice. He bespoke also a dozen of
their best wine; and some cordials for me. Adding, with a smile, that he
would stretch a little for once, and tho' in a prison, asserted he was
never better disposed to be merry. The waiter soon made his appearance
with preparations for dinner, a table was lent us by the gaoler, who
seemed remarkably assiduous, the wine was disposed in order, and two
very well-drest dishes were brought in.

My daughter had not yet heard of her poor brother's melancholy
situation, and we all seemed unwilling to damp her cheerfulness by the
relation. But it was in vain that I attempted to appear chearful,
the circumstances of my unfortunate son broke through all efforts to
dissemble; so that I was at last obliged to damp our mirth by relating
his misfortunes, and wishing that he might be permitted to share with us
in this little interval of satisfaction. After my guests were recovered,
from the consternation my account had produced, I requested also that Mr
Jenkinson, a fellow prisoner, might be admitted, and the gaoler granted
my request with an air of unusual submission. The clanking of my
son's irons was no sooner heard along the passage, than his sister ran
impatiently to meet him; while Mr Burchell, in the mean time, asked me
if my son's name were George, to which replying in the affirmative,
he still continued silent. As soon as my boy entered the room, I
could perceive he regarded Mr Burchell with a look of astonishment and
reverence. 'Come on,' cried I, 'my son, though we are fallen very low,
yet providence has been pleased to grant us some small relaxation from
pain. Thy sister is restored to us, and there is her deliverer: to that
brave man it is that I am indebted for yet having a daughter, give him,
my boy, the hand of friendship, he deserves our warmest gratitude.'

My son seemed all this while regardless of what I said, and still
continued fixed at respectful distance.--'My dear brother,' cried his
sister, 'why don't you thank my good deliverer; the brave should ever
love each other.'

He still continued his silence and astonishment, till our guest at last
perceived himself to be known, and assuming all his native dignity,
desired my son to come forward. Never before had I seen any thing so
truly majestic as the air he assumed upon this occasion. The greatest
object in the universe, says a certain philosopher, is a good man
struggling with adversity; yet there is still a greater, which is the
good man that comes to relieve it. After he had regarded my son for some
time with a superior air, 'I again find,' said he, 'unthinking boy, that
the same crime--' But here he was interrupted by one of the gaoler's
servants, who came to inform us that a person of distinction, who
had driven into town with a chariot and several attendants, sent his
respects to the gentleman that was with us, and begged to know when he
should think proper to be waited upon.--'Bid the fellow wait,' cried our
guest, 'till I shall have leisure to receive him;' and then turning to
my son, 'I again find, Sir,' proceeded he, 'that you are guilty of the
same offence for which you once had my reproof, and for which the law
is now preparing its justest punishments. You imagine, perhaps, that a
contempt for your own life, gives you a right to take that of another:
but where, Sir, is the difference between a duelist who hazards a life
of no value, and the murderer who acts with greater security? Is it any
diminution of the gamester's fraud when he alledges that he has staked a
counter?'

'Alas, Sir,' cried I, 'whoever you are, pity the poor misguided
creature; for what he has done was in obedience to a deluded mother, who
in the bitterness of her resentment required him upon her blessing
to avenge her quarrel. Here, Sir, is the letter, which will serve to
convince you of her imprudence and diminish his guilt.'

He took the letter, and hastily read it over. 'This,' says he, 'though
not a perfect excuse, is such a palliation of his fault, as induces me
to forgive him. And now, Sir,' continued he, kindly taking my son by
the hand, 'I see you are surprised at finding me here; but I have often
visited prisons upon occasions less interesting. I am now come to see
justice done a worthy man, for whom I have the most sincere esteem. I
have long been a disguised spectator of thy father's benevolence. I have
at his little dwelling enjoyed respect uncontaminated by flattery,
and have received that happiness that courts could not give, from the
amusing simplicity around his fire-side. My nephew has been apprized
of my intentions of coming here, and I find is arrived; it would be
wronging him and you to condemn him without examination: if there be
injury, there shall be redress; and this I may say without boasting,
that none have ever taxed the injustice of Sir William Thornhill.'

We now found the personage whom we had so long entertained as an
harmless amusing companion was no other than the celebrated Sir William
Thornhill, to whose virtues and singularities scarce any were strangers.
The poor Mr Burchell was in reality a man of large fortune and great
interest, to whom senates listened with applause, and whom party heard
with conviction; who was the friend of his country, but loyal to his
king. My poor wife recollecting her former familiarity, seemed to shrink
with apprehension; but Sophia, who a few moments before thought him
her own, now perceiving the immense distance to which he was removed by
fortune, was unable to conceal her tears.

'Ah, Sir,' cried my wife, with a piteous aspect, 'how is it possible
that I can ever have your forgiveness; the slights you received from me
the last time I had the honour of seeing you at our house, and the jokes
which I audaciously threw out, these jokes, Sir, I fear can never be
forgiven.'

'My dear good lady,' returned he with a smile, 'if you had your joke, I
had my answer: I'll leave it to all the company if mine were not as
good as yours. To say the truth, I know no body whom I am disposed to
be angry with at present but the fellow who so frighted my little
girl here. I had not even time to examine the rascal's person so as
to describe him in an advertisement. Can you tell me, Sophia, my dear,
whether you should know him again?'

'Indeed, Sir,' replied she, 'I can't be positive; yet now I recollect
he had a large mark over one of his eye-brows.' 'I ask pardon, madam,'
interrupted Jenkinson, who was by, 'but be so good as to inform me
if the fellow wore his own red hair?'--'Yes, I think so,' cried
Sophia.--'And did your honour,' continued he, turning to Sir William,
'observe the length of his legs?'--'I can't be sure of their length,'
cried the Baronet, 'but I am convinced of their swiftness; for he
out-ran me, which is what I thought few men in the kingdom could have
done.'--'Please your honour,' cried Jenkinson, 'I know the man: it is
certainly the same; the best runner in England; he has beaten Pinwire
of Newcastle, Timothy Baxter is his name, I know him perfectly, and the
very place of his retreat this moment. If your honour will bid Mr Gaoler
let two of his men go with me, I'll engage to produce him to you in
an hour at farthest.' Upon this the gaoler was called, who instantly
appearing, Sir William demanded if he knew him. 'Yes, please your
honour,' reply'd the gaoler, 'I know Sir William Thornhill well, and
every body that knows any thing of him, will desire to know more of
him.'--'Well then,' said the Baronet, 'my request is, that you will
permit this man and two of your servants to go upon a message by my
authority, and as I am in the commission of the peace, I undertake to
secure you.'--'Your promise is sufficient,' replied the other, 'and you
may at a minute's warning send them over England whenever your honour
thinks fit.'

In pursuance of the gaoler's compliance, Jenkinson was dispatched in
search of Timothy Baxter, while we were amused with the assiduity of our
youngest boy Bill, who had just come in and climbed up to Sir William's
neck in order to kiss him. His mother was immediately going to chastise
his familiarity, but the worthy man prevented her; and taking the child,
all ragged as he was, upon his knee, 'What, Bill, you chubby rogue,'
cried he, 'do you remember your old friend Burchell; and Dick too, my
honest veteran, are you here, you shall find I have not forgot you.'
So saying, he gave each a large piece of gingerbread, which the poor
fellows eat very heartily, as they had got that morning but a very
scanty breakfast.

We now sate down to dinner, which was almost cold; but previously, my
arm still continuing painful, Sir William wrote a prescription, for he
had made the study of physic his amusement, and was more than moderately
skilled in the profession: this being sent to an apothecary who lived in
the place, my arm was dressed, and I found almost instantaneous relief.
We were waited upon at dinner by the gaoler himself, who was willing to
do our guest all the honour in his power. But before we had well dined,
another message was brought from his nephew, desiring permission to
appear, in order to vindicate his innocence and honour, with which
request the Baronet complied, and desired Mr Thornhill to be introduced.



CHAPTER 31

     Former benevolence now repaid with unexpected interest


Mr Thornhill made his entrance with a smile, which he seldom wanted, and
was going to embrace his uncle, which the other repulsed with an air of
disdain. 'No fawning, Sir, at present,' cried the Baronet, with a look
of severity, 'the only way to my heart is by the road of honour; but
here I only see complicated instances of falsehood, cowardice, and
oppression. How is it, Sir, that this poor man, for whom I know you
professed a friendship, is used thus hardly? His daughter vilely
seduced, as a recompence for his hospitality, and he himself thrown into
a prison perhaps but for resenting the insult? His son too, whom you
feared to face as a man--'

'Is it possible, Sir,' interrupted his nephew, 'that my uncle could
object that as a crime which his repeated instructions alone have
persuaded me to avoid.'

'Your rebuke,' cried Sir William, 'is just; you have acted in this
instance prudently and well, though not quite as your father would have
done: my brother indeed was the soul of honour; but thou--yes you
have acted in this instance perfectly right, and it has my warmest
approbation.'

'And I hope,' said his nephew, 'that the rest of my conduct will not
be found to deserve censure. I appeared, Sir, with this gentleman's
daughter at some places of public amusement; thus what was levity,
scandal called by a harsher name, and it was reported that I had
debauched her. I waited on her father in person, willing to clear the
thing to his satisfaction, and he received me only with insult and
abuse. As for the rest, with regard to his being here, my attorney
and steward can best inform you, as I commit the management of business
entirely to them. If he has contracted debts and is unwilling or even
unable to pay them, it is their business to proceed in this manner,
and I see no hardship or injustice in pursuing the most legal means of
redress.'

'If this,' cried Sir William, 'be as you have stated it, there is
nothing unpardonable in your offence, and though your conduct might have
been more generous in not suffering this gentleman to be oppressed by
subordinate tyranny, yet it has been at least equitable.'

'He cannot contradict a single particular,' replied the 'Squire, 'I defy
him to do so, and several of my servants are ready to attest what I say.
Thus, Sir,' continued he, finding that I was silent, for in fact I could
not contradict him, 'thus, Sir, my own innocence is vindicated; but
though at your entreaty I am ready to forgive this gentleman every
other offence, yet his attempts to lessen me in your esteem, excite a
resentment that I cannot govern. And this too at a time when his son was
actually preparing to take away my life; this, I say, was such guilt,
that I am determined to let the law take its course. I have here the
challenge that was sent me and two witnesses to prove it; one of my
servants has been wounded dangerously, and even though my uncle himself
should dissuade me, which I know he will not, yet I will see public
justice done, and he shall suffer for it.'

'Thou monster,' cried my wife, 'hast thou not had vengeance enough
already, but must my poor boy feel thy cruelty. I hope that good Sir
William will protect us, for my son is as innocent as a child; I am sure
he is, and never did harm to man.'

'Madam,' replied the good man, 'your wishes for his safety are not
greater than mine; but I am sorry to find his guilt too plain; and if my
nephew persists--' But the appearance of Jenkinson and the gaoler's two
servants now called off our attention, who entered, haling in a tall
man, very genteelly drest, and answering the description already given
of the ruffian who had carried off my daughter--'Here,' cried Jenkinson,
pulling him in, 'here we have him, and if ever there was a candidate for
Tyburn, this is one.'

The moment Mr Thornhill perceived the prisoner, and Jenkinson, who had
him in custody, he seemed to shrink back with terror. His face became
pale with conscious guilt, and he would have withdrawn; but Jenkinson,
who perceived his design, stopt him--'What, 'Squire,' cried he, 'are you
ashamed of your two old acquaintances, Jenkinson and Baxter: but this is
the way that all great men forget their friends, though I am resolved
we will not forget you. Our prisoner, please your honour,' continued
he, turning to Sir William, 'has already confessed all. This is the
gentleman reported to be so dangerously wounded: He declares that it was
Mr Thornhill who first put him upon this affair, that he gave him the
cloaths he now wears to appear like a gentleman, and furnished him with
the post-chaise. The plan was laid between them that he should carry off
the young lady to a place of safety, and that there he should threaten
and terrify her; but Mr Thornhill was to come in in the mean time, as if
by accident, to her rescue, and that they should fight awhile and
then he was to run off, by which Mr Thornhill would have the better
opportunity of gaining her affections himself under the character of her
defender.'

Sir William remembered the coat to have been frequently worn by his
nephew, and all the rest the prisoner himself confirmed by a more
circumstantial account; concluding, that Mr Thornhill had often declared
to him that he was in love with both sisters at the same time.

'Heavens,' cried Sir William, 'what a viper have I been fostering in
my bosom! And so fond of public justice too as he seemed to be. But
he shall have it; secure him, Mr Gaoler--yet hold, I fear there is not
legal evidence to detain him.'

Upon this, Mr Thornhill, with the utmost humility, entreated that two
such abandoned wretches might not be admitted as evidences against him,
but that his servants should be examined.--'Your servants' replied Sir
William, 'wretch, call them yours no longer: but come let us hear what
those fellows have to say, let his butler be called.'

When the butler was introduced, he soon perceived by his former master's
looks that all his power was now over. 'Tell me,' cried Sir William
sternly, 'have you ever seen your master and that fellow drest up in
his cloaths in company together?' 'Yes, please your honour,' cried the
butler, 'a thousand times: he was the man that always brought him
his ladies.'--'How,' interrupted young Mr Thornhill, 'this to my
face!'--'Yes,' replied the butler, 'or to any man's face. To tell you
a truth, Master Thornhill, I never either loved you or liked you, and
I don't care if I tell you now a piece of my mind.'--'Now then,' cried
Jenkinson, 'tell his honour whether you know any thing of me.'--'I can't
say,' replied the butler, 'that I know much good of you. The night
that gentleman's daughter was deluded to our house, you were one of
them.'--'So then,' cried Sir William, 'I find you have brought a
very fine witness to prove your innocence: thou stain to humanity! to
associate with such wretches!' (But continuing his examination) 'You
tell me, Mr Butler, that this was the person who brought him this old
gentleman's daughter.'--'No, please your honour,' replied the butler,
'he did not bring her, for the 'Squire himself undertook that business;
but he brought the priest that pretended to marry them.'--'It is but
too true,' cried Jenkinson, 'I cannot deny it, that was the employment
assigned me, and I confess it to my confusion.'

'Good heavens!' exclaimed the Baronet, 'how every new discovery of
his villainy alarms me. All his guilt is now too plain, and I find his
present prosecution was dictated by tyranny, cowardice and revenge; at
my request, Mr Gaoler, set this young officer, now your prisoner, free,
and trust to me for the consequences. I'll make it my business to
set the affair in a proper light to my friend the magistrate who has
committed him. But where is the unfortunate young lady herself: let
her appear to confront this wretch, I long to know by what arts he has
seduced her. Entreat her to come in. Where is she?'

'Ah, Sir,' said I, 'that question stings me to the heart: I was once
indeed happy in a daughter, but her miseries--' Another interruption
here prevented me; for who should make her appearance but Miss Arabella
Wilmot, who was next day to have been married to Mr Thornhill. Nothing
could equal her surprize at seeing Sir William and his nephew here
before her; for her arrival was quite accidental. It happened that she
and the old gentleman her father were passing through the town, on their
way to her aunt's, who had insisted that her nuptials with Mr Thornhill
should be consummated at her house; but stopping for refreshment, they
put up at an inn at the other end of the town. It was there from the
window that the young lady happened to observe one of my little boys
playing in the street, and instantly sending a footman to bring the
child to her, she learnt from him some account of our misfortunes; but
was still kept ignorant of young Mr Thornhill's being the cause. Though
her father made several remonstrances on the impropriety of going to a
prison to visit us, yet they were ineffectual; she desired the child
to conduct her, which he did, and it was thus she surprised us at a
juncture so unexpected.

Nor can I go on, without a reflection on those accidental meetings,
which, though they happen every day, seldom excite our surprize but upon
some extraordinary occasion. To what a fortuitous concurrence do we
not owe every pleasure and convenience of our lives. How many seeming
accidents must unite before we can be cloathed or fed. The peasant
must be disposed to labour, the shower must fall, the wind fill the
merchant's sail, or numbers must want the usual supply.

We all continued silent for some moments, while my charming pupil,
which was the name I generally gave this young lady, united in her looks
compassion and astonishment, which gave new finishings to her beauty.
'Indeed, my dear Mr Thornhill,' cried she to the 'Squire, who she
supposed was come here to succour and not to oppress us, 'I take it a
little unkindly that you should come here without me, or never inform me
of the situation of a family so dear to us both: you know I should take
as much pleasure in contributing to the relief of my reverend old master
here, whom I shall ever esteem, as you can. But I find that, like your
uncle, you take a pleasure in doing good in secret.'

'He find pleasure in doing good!' cried Sir William, interrupting her.
'No, my dear, his pleasures are as base as he is. You see in him, madam,
as complete a villain as ever disgraced humanity. A wretch, who after
having deluded this poor man's daughter, after plotting against the
innocence of her sister, has thrown the father into prison, and the
eldest son into fetters, because he had courage to face his betrayer.
And give me leave, madam, now to congratulate you upon an escape from
the embraces of such a monster.'

'O goodness,' cried the lovely girl, 'how have I been deceived! Mr
Thornhill informed me for certain that this gentleman's eldest son,
Captain Primrose, was gone off to America with his new married lady.'

'My sweetest miss,' cried my wife, 'he has told you nothing but
falsehoods. My son George never left the kingdom, nor was married. Tho'
you have forsaken him, he has always loved you too well to think of any
body else; and I have heard him say he would die a batchellor for your
sake.' She then proceeded to expatiate upon the sincerity of her son's
passion, she set his duel with Mr Thornhill in a proper light, from
thence she made a rapid digression to the 'Squire's debaucheries, his
pretended marriages, and ended with a most insulting picture of his
cowardice.

'Good heavens!' cried Miss Wilmot, 'how very near have I been to the
brink of ruin! But how great is my pleasure to have escaped it! Ten
thousand falsehoods has this gentleman told me! He had at last art
enough to persuade me that my promise to the only man I esteemed was no
longer binding, since he had been unfaithful. By his falsehoods I was
taught to detest one equally brave and generous!'

But by this time my son was freed from the encumbrances of justice as
the person supposed to be wounded was detected to be an impostor. Mr
Jenkinson also, who had acted as his valet de chambre, had dressed
up his hair, and furnished him with whatever was necessary to make a
genteel appearance. He now therefore entered, handsomely drest in his
regimentals, and, without vanity, (for I am above it) he appeared as
handsome a fellow as ever wore a military dress. As he entered, he made
Miss Wilmot a modest and distant bow, for he was not as yet acquainted
with the change which the eloquence of his mother had wrought in his
favour. But no decorums could restrain the impatience of his blushing
mistress to be forgiven. Her tears, her looks, all contributed to
discover the real sensations of her heart for having forgotten her
former promise and having suffered herself to be deluded by an impostor.
My son appeared amazed at her condescension, and could scarce believe it
real.--'Sure, madam,' cried he, 'this is but delusion! I can never have
merited this! To be, blest thus is to be too happy.'--'No, Sir,' replied
she, 'I have been deceived, basely deceived, else nothing could have
ever made me unjust to my promise. You know my friendship, you have long
known it; but forget what I have done, and as you once had my warmest
vows of constancy, you shall now have them repeated; and be assured that
if your Arabella cannot be yours, she shall never be another's.'--'And
no other's you shall be,' cried Sir William, 'if I have any influence
with your father.'

This hint was sufficient for my son Moses, who immediately flew to the
inn where the old gentleman was, to inform him of every circumstance
that had happened. But in the mean time the 'Squire perceiving that
he was on every side undone, now finding that no hopes were left from
flattery or dissimulation, concluded that his wisest way would be to
turn and face his pursuers. Thus laying aside all shame, he appeared
the open hardy villain. 'I find then,' cried he, 'that I am to expect
no justice here; but I am resolved it shall be done me. You shall know,
Sir,' turning to Sir William, 'I am no longer a poor dependent upon your
favours. I scorn them. Nothing can keep Miss Wilmot's fortune from me,
which, I thank her father's assiduity, is pretty large. The articles,
and a bond for her fortune, are signed, and safe in my possession. It
was her fortune, not her person, that induced me to wish for this match,
and possessed of the one, let who will take the other.'

This was an alarming blow, Sir William was sensible of the justice of
his claims, for he had been instrumental in drawing up the marriage
articles himself. Miss Wilmot therefore perceiving that her fortune was
irretrievably lost, turning to my son, she asked if the loss of fortune
could lessen her value to him. 'Though fortune,' said she, 'is out of my
power, at least I have my hand to give.'

'And that, madam,' cried her real lover, 'was indeed all that you ever
had to give; at least all that I ever thought worth the acceptance. And
now I protest, my Arabella, by all that's happy, your want of fortune
this moment encreases my pleasure, as it serves to convince my sweet
girl of my sincerity.'

Mr Wilmot now entering, he seemed not a little pleased at the danger his
daughter had just escaped, and readily consented to a dissolution of the
match. But finding that her fortune, which was secured to Mr Thornhill
by bond, would not be given up, nothing could exceed his disappointment.
He now saw that his money must all go to enrich one who had no fortune
of his own. He could bear his being a rascal; but to want an equivalent
to his daughter's fortune was wormwood. He sate therefore for some
minutes employed in the most mortifying speculations, till Sir William
attempted to lessen his anxiety.--'I must confess, Sir' cried he,
'that your present disappointment does not entirely displease me. Your
immoderate passion for wealth is now justly punished. But tho' the
young lady cannot be rich, she has still a competence sufficient to give
content. Here you see an honest young soldier, who is willing to take
her without fortune; they have long loved each other, and for the
friendship I bear his father, my interest shall not be wanting in his
promotion. Leave then that ambition which disappoints you, and for once
admit that happiness which courts your acceptance.'

'Sir William,' replied the old gentleman, 'be assured I never yet forced
her inclinations, nor will I now. If she still continues to love this
young gentleman, let her have him with all my heart. There is still,
thank heaven, some fortune left, and your promise will make it something
more. Only let my old friend here (meaning me) give me a promise of
settling six thousand pounds upon my girl, if ever he should come to
his fortune, and I am ready this night to be the first to join them
together.'

As it now remained with me to make the young couple happy, I readily
gave a promise of making the settlement he required, which, to one
who had such little expectations as I, was no great favour. We had now
therefore the satisfaction of seeing them fly into each other's arms
in a transport. 'After all my misfortunes,' cried my son George, 'to be
thus rewarded! Sure this is more than I could ever have presumed to hope
for. To be possessed of all that's good, and after such an interval of
pain! My warmest wishes could never rise so high!'--'Yes, my George,'
returned his lovely bride, 'now let the wretch take my fortune; since
you are happy without it so am I. O what an exchange have I made from
the basest of men to the dearest best!--Let him enjoy our fortune, I
now can be happy even in indigence.'--'And I promise you,' cried the
'Squire, with a malicious grin, 'that I shall be very happy with what
you despise.'--'Hold, hold, Sir,' cried Jenkinson, 'there are two words
to that bargain. As for that lady's fortune, Sir, you shall never touch
a single stiver of it. Pray your honour,' continued he to Sir
William, 'can the 'Squire have this lady's fortune if he be married to
another?'--'How can you make such a simple demand,' replied the Baronet,
'undoubtedly he cannot.'--'I am sorry for that,' cried Jenkinson;
'for as this gentleman and I have been old fellow spotters, I have a
friendship for him. But I must declare, well as I love him, that
his contract is not worth a tobacco stopper, for he is married
already.'--'You lie, like a rascal,' returned the 'Squire, who
seemed rouzed by this insult, 'I never was legally married to any
woman.'--'Indeed, begging your honour's pardon,' replied the other, 'you
were; and I hope you will shew a proper return of friendship to your own
honest Jenkinson, who brings you a wife, and if the company restrains
their curiosity a few minutes, they shall see her.'--So saying he went
off with his usual celerity, and left us all unable to form any probable
conjecture as to his design.--'Ay let him go,' cried the 'Squire,
'whatever else I may have done I defy him there. I am too old now to be
frightened with squibs.'

'I am surprised,' said the Baronet, 'what the fellow can intend by this.
Some low piece of humour I suppose!'--'Perhaps, Sir,' replied I, 'he may
have a more serious meaning. For when we reflect on the various schemes
this gentleman has laid to seduce innocence, perhaps some one more
artful than the rest has been found able to deceive him. When we
consider what numbers he has ruined, how many parents now feel with
anguish the infamy and the contamination which he has brought into their
families, it would not surprise me if some one of them--Amazement! Do I
see my lost daughter! Do I hold her! It is, it is my life, my happiness.
I thought thee lost, my Olivia, yet still I hold thee--and still thou
shalt live to bless me.'--The warmest transports of the fondest lover
were not greater than mine when I saw him introduce my child, and held
my daughter in my arms, whose silence only spoke her raptures. 'And
art thou returned to me, my darling,' cried I, 'to be my comfort in
age!'--'That she is,' cried Jenkinson, 'and make much of her, for she
is your own honourable child, and as honest a woman as any in the whole
room, let the other be who she will. And as for you 'Squire, as sure
as you stand there this young lady is your lawful wedded wife. And to
convince you that I speak nothing but truth, here is the licence by
which you were married together.'--So saying, he put the licence into
the Baronet's hands, who read it, and found it perfect in every respect.
'And now, gentlemen,' continued he, I find you are surprised at all
this; but a few words will explain the difficulty. That there 'Squire
of renown, for whom I have a great friendship, but that's between
ourselves, as often employed me in doing odd little things for him.
Among the rest, he commissioned me to procure him a false licence and
a false priest, in order to deceive this young lady. But as I was very
much his friend, what did I do but went and got a true licence and a
true priest, and married them both as fast as the cloth could make them.
Perhaps you'll think it was generosity that made me do all this. But no.
To my shame I confess it, my only design was to keep the licence and
let the 'Squire know that I could prove it upon him whenever I thought
proper, and so make him come down whenever I wanted money.' A burst of
pleasure now seemed to fill the whole apartment; our joy reached even to
the common room, where the prisoners themselves sympathized,

  --And shook their chains
  In transport and rude harmony.

Happiness was expanded upon every face, and even Olivia's cheek seemed
flushed with pleasure. To be thus restored to reputation, to friends and
fortune at once, was a rapture sufficient to stop the progress of decay
and restore former health and vivacity. But perhaps among all there was
not one who felt sincerer pleasure than I. Still holding the dear-loved
child in my arms, I asked my heart if these transports were not
delusion. 'How could you,' cried I, turning to Mr Jenkinson, 'how could
you add to my miseries by the story of her death! But it matters not, my
pleasure at finding her again, is more than a recompence for the pain.'

'As to your question,' replied Jenkinson, 'that is easily answered.
I thought the only probable means of freeing you from prison, was by
submitting to the 'Squire, and consenting to his marriage with the other
young lady. But these you had vowed never to grant while your daughter
was living, there was therefore no other method to bring things to bear
but by persuading you that she was dead. I prevailed on your wife to
join in the deceit, and we have not had a fit opportunity of undeceiving
you till now.'

In the whole assembly now there only appeared two faces that did not
glow with transport. Mr Thornhill's assurance had entirely forsaken him:
he now saw the gulph of infamy and want before him, and trembled to take
the plunge. He therefore fell on his knees before his uncle, and in a
voice of piercing misery implored compassion. Sir William was going to
spurn him away, but at my request he raised him, and after pausing a
few moments, 'Thy vices, crimes, and ingratitude,' cried he, 'deserve no
tenderness; yet thou shalt not be entirely forsaken, a bare competence
shall be supplied, to support the wants of life, but not its follies.
This young lady, thy wife, shall be put in possession of a third part
of that fortune which once was thine, and from her tenderness alone thou
art to expect any extraordinary supplies for the future.' He was going
to express his gratitude for such kindness in a set speech; but the
Baronet prevented him by bidding him not aggravate his meanness, which
was already but too apparent. He ordered him at the same time to be
gone, and from all his former domestics to chuse one such as he should
think proper, which was all that should be granted to attend him.

As soon as he left us, Sir William very politely stept up to his new
niece with a smile, and wished her joy. His example was followed by
Miss Wilmot and her father; my wife too kissed her daughter with much
affection, as, to use her own expression, she was now made an honest
woman of. Sophia and Moses followed in turn, and even our benefactor
Jenkinson desired to be admitted to that honour. Our satisfaction seemed
scarce capable of increase. Sir William, whose greatest pleasure was in
doing good, now looked round with a countenance open as the sun, and saw
nothing but joy in the looks of all except that of my daughter Sophia,
who, for some reasons we could not comprehend, did not seem perfectly
satisfied. 'I think now,' cried he, with a smile, 'that all the company,
except one or two, seem perfectly happy. There only remains an act of
justice for me to do. You are sensible, Sir,' continued he, turning to
me, 'of the obligations we both owe Mr Jenkinson. And it is but just
we should both reward him for it. Miss Sophia will, I am sure, make
him very happy, and he shall have from me five hundred pounds as
her fortune, and upon this I am sure they can live very comfortably
together. Come, Miss Sophia, what say you to this match of my making?
Will you have him?'--My poor girl seemed almost sinking into her
mother's arms at the hideous proposal.--'Have him, Sir!' cried she
faintly. 'No, Sir, never.'--'What,' cried he again, 'not have Mr
Jenkinson, your benefactor, a handsome young fellow, with five hundred
pounds and good expectations!'--'I beg, Sir,' returned she, scarce able
to speak, 'that you'll desist, and not make me so very wretched.'--'Was
ever such obstinacy known,' cried he again, 'to refuse a man whom the
family has such infinite obligations to, who has preserved your sister,
and who has five hundred pounds! What not have him!'--'No, Sir, never,'
replied she, angrily, 'I'd sooner die first.'--'If that be the case
then,' cried he, 'if you will not have him--I think I must have you
myself.' And so saying, he caught her to his breast with ardour. 'My
loveliest, my most sensible of girls,' cried he, 'how could you ever
think your own Burchell could deceive you, or that Sir William Thornhill
could ever cease to admire a mistress that loved him for himself alone?
I have for some years sought for a woman, who a stranger to my fortune
could think that I had merit as a man. After having tried in vain, even
amongst the pert and the ugly, how great at last must be my rapture to
have made a conquest over such sense and such heavenly beauty.' Then
turning to Jenkinson, 'As I cannot, Sir, part with this young lady
myself, for she has taken a fancy to the cut of my face, all the
recompence I can make is to give you her fortune, and you may call
upon my steward to-morrow for five hundred pounds.' Thus we had all our
compliments to repeat, and Lady Thornhill underwent the same round of
ceremony that her sister had done before. In the mean time Sir William's
gentleman appeared to tell us that the equipages were ready to carry us
to the inn, where every thing was prepared for our reception. My
wife and I led the van, and left those gloomy mansions of sorrow.
The generous Baronet ordered forty pounds to be distributed among the
prisoners, and Mr Wilmot, induced by his example, gave half that sum. We
were received below by the shouts of the villagers, and I saw and shook
by the hand two or three of my honest parishioners, who were among the
number. They attended us to our inn, where a sumptuous entertainment was
provided, and coarser provisions distributed in great quantities among
the populace.

After supper, as my spirits were exhausted by the alternation of
pleasure and pain which they had sustained during the day, I asked
permission to withdraw, and leaving the company in the midst of their
mirth, as soon as I found myself alone, I poured out my heart in
gratitude to the giver of joy as well as of sorrow, and then slept
undisturbed till morning.



CHAPTER 32.

     The Conclusion


The next morning as soon as I awaked I found my eldest son sitting by my
bedside, who came to encrease my joy with another turn of fortune in my
favour. First having released me from the settlement that I had made the
day before in his favour, he let me know that my merchant who had failed
in town was arrested at Antwerp, and there had given up effects to
a much greater amount than what was due to his creditors. My boy's
generosity pleased me almost as much as this unlooked for good fortune.
But I had some doubts whether I ought in justice to accept his offer.
While I was pondering upon this, Sir William entered the room, to whom
I communicated my doubts. His opinion was, that as my son was already
possessed of a very affluent fortune by his marriage, I might accept his
offer without any hesitation. His business, however, was to inform me
that as he had the night before sent for the licences, and expected them
every hour, he hoped that I would not refuse my assistance in making
all the company happy that morning. A footman entered while we were
speaking, to tell us that the messenger was returned, and as I was by
this time ready, I went down, where I found the whole company as merry
as affluence and innocence could make them. However, as they were now
preparing for a very solemn ceremony, their laughter entirely displeased
me. I told them of the grave, becoming and sublime deportment they
should assume upon this Mystical occasion, and read them two homilies
and a thesis of my own composing, in order to prepare them. Yet they
still seemed perfectly refractory and ungovernable. Even as we were
going along to church, to which I led the way, all gravity had quite
forsaken them, and I was often tempted to turn back in indignation. In
church a new dilemma arose, which promised no easy solution. This was,
which couple should be married first; my son's bride warmly insisted,
that Lady Thornhill, (that was to be) should take the lead; but this the
other refused with equal ardour, protesting she would not be guilty of
such rudeness for the world. The argument was supported for some time
between both with equal obstinacy and good breeding. But as I stood all
this time with my book ready, I was at last quite tired of the contest,
and shutting it, 'I perceive,' cried I, 'that none of you have a mind
to be married, and I think we had as good go back again; for I suppose
there will be no business done here to-day.'--This at once reduced them
to reason. The Baronet and his Lady were first married, and then my son
and his lovely partner.

I had previously that morning given orders that a coach should be sent
for my honest neighbour Flamborough and his family, by which means,
upon our return to the inn, we had the pleasure of finding the two
Miss Flamboroughs alighted before us. Mr Jenkinson gave his hand to the
eldest, and my son Moses led up the other; (and I have since found that
he has taken a real liking to the girl, and my consent and bounty he
shall have whenever he thinks proper to demand them.) We were no sooner
returned to the inn, but numbers of my parishioners, hearing of my
success, came to congratulate me, but among the rest were those who rose
to rescue me, and whom I formerly rebuked with such sharpness. I told
the story to Sir William, my son-in-law, who went out and reprove them
with great severity; but finding them quite disheartened by his harsh
reproof, he gave them half a guinea a piece to drink his health and
raise their dejected spirits.

Soon after this we were called to a very genteel entertainment, which
was drest by Mr Thornhill's cook. And it may not be improper to observe
with respect to that gentleman, that he now resides in quality of
companion at a relation's house, being very well liked and seldom
sitting at the side-table, except when there is no room at the other;
for they make no stranger of him. His time is pretty much taken up in
keeping his relation, who is a little melancholy, in spirits, and in
learning to blow the French-horn. My eldest daughter, however, still
remembers him with regret; and she has even told me, though I make a
great secret of it, that when he reforms she may be brought to relent.
But to return, for I am not apt to digress thus, when we were to sit
down to dinner our ceremonies were going to be renewed. The question was
whether my eldest daughter, as being a matron, should not sit above the
two young brides, but the debate was cut short by my son George, who
proposed, that the company should sit indiscriminately, every gentleman
by his lady. This was received with great approbation by all, excepting
my wife, who I could perceive was not perfectly satisfied, as she
expected to have had the pleasure of sitting at the head of the table
and carving all the meat for all the company. But notwithstanding this,
it is impossible to describe our good humour. I can't say whether we
had more wit amongst us now than usual; but I am certain we had more
laughing, which answered the end as well. One jest I particularly
remember, old Mr Wilmot drinking to Moses, whose head was turned another
way, my son replied, 'Madam, I thank you.' Upon which the old gentleman,
winking upon the rest of the company, observed that he was thinking of
his mistress. At which jest I thought the two miss Flamboroughs would
have died with laughing. As soon as dinner was over, according to my
old custom, I requested that the table might be taken away, to have
the pleasure of seeing all my family assembled once more by a chearful
fireside. My two little ones sat upon each knee, the rest of the company
by their partners. I had nothing now on this side of the grave to wish
for, all my cares were over, my pleasure was unspeakable. It now only
remained that my gratitude in good fortune should exceed my former
submission in adversity.





End of Project Gutenberg's The Vicar of Wakefield, by Oliver Goldsmith

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