

Transcribed from “The Sleeping Car and Other Farces” 1911 Houghton
Mifflin Company edition by David Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org




THE REGISTER.
Farce.


I.


SCENE: In an upper chamber of a boarding-house in Melanchthon Place,
Boston, a mature, plain young lady, with every appearance of establishing
herself in the room for the first time, moves about, bestowing little
touches of decoration here and there, and talking with another young
lady, whose voice comes through the open doorway of an inner room.

                                * * * * *

_Miss Ethel Reed_, from within: “What in the world are you doing,
Nettie?”

_Miss Henrietta Spaulding_: “Oh, sticking up a household god or two.
What are you doing?”

_Miss Reed_: “Despairing.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Still?”

_Miss Reed_, tragically: “Still!  How soon did you expect me to stop?  I
am here on the sofa, where I flung myself two hours ago, and I don’t
think I shall ever get up.  There is no reason _why_ I ever should.”

_Miss Spaulding_, suggestively: “Dinner.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, dinner!  Dinner, to a broken heart!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “I don’t believe your heart is broken.”

_Miss Reed_: “But I tell you it is!  I ought to know when my own heart is
broken, I should hope.  What makes you think it isn’t?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Oh, it’s happened so often!”

_Miss Reed_: “But this is a real case.  You ought to feel my forehead.
It’s as hot!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “You ought to get up and help me put this room to
rights, and then you would feel better.”

_Miss Reed_: “No; I should feel worse.  The idea of household gods makes
me sick.  Sylvan deities are what I want; the great god Pan among the
cat-tails and arrow-heads in the ‘ma’sh’ at Ponkwasset; the dryads of the
birch woods—there are no oaks; the nymphs that haunt the heights and
hollows of the dear old mountain; the”—

_Miss Spaulding_: “Wha-a-at?  I can’t hear a word you say.”

_Miss Reed_: “That’s because you keep fussing about so.  Why don’t you be
quiet, if you want to hear?”  She lifts her voice to its highest pitch,
with a pause for distinctness between the words: “I’m heart-broken
for—Ponkwasset.  The dryads—of the—birch woods.  The nymphs—and the
great—god—Pan—in the reeds—by the river.  And all—that—sort of—thing!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “You know very well you’re not.”

_Miss Reed_: “I’m not?  What’s the reason I’m not?  Then, what am I
heart-broken for?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “You’re not heart-broken at all.  You know very well
that he’ll call before we’ve been here twenty-four hours.”

_Miss Reed_: “Who?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “The great god Pan.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, how cruel you are, to mock me so!  Come in here, and
sympathize a little!  Do, Nettie.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “No; you come out here and utilize a little.  I’m
acting for your best good, as they say at Ponkwasset.”

_Miss Reed_: “When they want to be disagreeable!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “If this room isn’t in order by the time he calls,
you’ll be everlastingly disgraced.”

_Miss Reed_: “I’m that now.  I can’t be more so—there’s that comfort.
What makes you think he’ll call?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Because he’s a gentleman, and will want to apologize.
He behaved very rudely to you.”

_Miss Reed_: “No, Nettie; _I_ behaved rudely to _him_.  Yes!  Besides, if
he behaved rudely, he was no gentleman.  It’s a contradiction in terms,
don’t you see?  But I’ll tell you what I’m going to do if he comes.  I’m
going to show a proper spirit for once in my life.  I’m going to refuse
to see him.  You’ve got to see him.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Nonsense!”

_Miss Reed_: “Why nonsense?  Oh, why?  Expound!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Because he wasn’t rude to me, and he doesn’t want to
see me.  Because I’m plain, and you’re pretty.”

_Miss Reed_: “I’m _not_!  You know it perfectly well.  I’m hideous.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Because I’m poor, and you’re a person of independent
property.”

_Miss Reed_: “_Dependent_ property, I should call it: just enough to be
useless on!  But that’s insulting to _him_.  How can you say it’s because
I have a little money?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Well, then, I won’t.  I take it back.  I’ll say it’s
because you’re young, and I’m old.”

_Miss Reed_: “You’re _not_ old.  You’re as young as anybody, Nettie
Spaulding.  And you know I’m not young; I’m twenty-seven, if I’m a day.
I’m just dropping into the grave.  But I can’t argue with you, miles off
so, any longer.”  _Miss Reed_ appears at the open door, dragging
languidly after her the shawl which she had evidently drawn round her on
the sofa; her fair hair is a little disordered, and she presses it into
shape with one hand as she comes forward; a lovely flush vies with a
heavenly pallor in her cheeks; she looks a little pensive in the arching
eyebrows, and a little humorous about the dimpled mouth.  “Now I can
prove that you are entirely wrong.  Where—were you?—This room is rather
an improvement over the one we had last winter.  There is more of a
view”—she goes to the window—“of the houses across the Place; and I
always think the swell front gives a pretty shape to a room.  I’m sorry
they’ve stopped building them.  Your piano goes very nicely into that
little alcove.  Yes, we’re quite palatial.  And, on the whole, I’m glad
there’s no fireplace.  It’s a pleasure at times; but for the most part
it’s a vanity and a vexation, getting dust and ashes over everything.
Yes; after all, give me the good old-fashioned, clean, convenient
register!  Ugh!  My feet are like ice.”  She pulls an easy-chair up to
the register in the corner of the room, and pushes open its valves with
the toe of her slipper.  As she settles herself luxuriously in the chair,
and poises her feet daintily over the register: “Ah, this is something
like!  Henrietta Spaulding, ma’am!  Did I ever tell you that you were the
best friend I have in the world?”

_Miss Spaulding_, who continues her work of arranging the room: “Often.”

_Miss Reed_: “Did you ever believe it?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Never.”

_Miss Reed_: “Why?”

_Miss Spaulding_, thoughtfully regarding a vase which she holds in her
hand, after several times shifting it from a bracket to the corner of her
piano and back: “I wish I could tell where you do look best!”

_Miss Reed_, leaning forward wistfully, with her hands clasped and
resting on her knees: “I wish you would tell me _why_ you don’t believe
you’re the best friend I have in the world.”

_Miss Spaulding_, finally placing the vase on the bracket: “Because
you’ve said so too often.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, that’s no reason!  I can prove to you that you are.
Who else but you would have taken in a homeless and friendless creature
like me, and let her stay bothering round in demoralizing idleness, while
you were seriously teaching the young idea how to drub the piano?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Anybody who wanted a room-mate as much as I did, and
could have found one willing to pay more than her share of the lodging.”

_Miss Reed_, thoughtfully: “Do you think so, Henrietta?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “I know so.”

_Miss Reed_: “And you’re not afraid that you wrong yourself?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Not the least.”

_Miss Reed_: “Well, be it so—as they say in novels.  I will not
contradict you; I will not say you are my _best_ friend; I will merely
say that you are my _only_ friend.  Come here, Henrietta.  Draw up your
chair, and put your little hand in mine.”

_Miss Spaulding_, with severe distrust: “What do you want, Ethel Reed?”

_Miss Reed_: “I want—I want—to talk it over with you.”

_Miss Spaulding_, recoiling: “I knew it!  Well, now, we’ve talked it over
enough; we’ve talked it over till there’s nothing left of it.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, there’s everything left!  It remains in all its
original enormity.  Perhaps we shall get some new light upon it.”  She
extends a pleading hand towards _Miss Spaulding_.  “Come, Henrietta, my
only friend, shake!—as the ‘good Indians’ say.  Let your Ethel pour her
hackneyed sorrows into your bosom.  Such an uncomfortable image, it
always seems, doesn’t it, pouring sorrows into bosoms!  Come!”

_Miss Spaulding_, decidedly: “No, I won’t!  And you needn’t try wheedling
any longer.  I won’t sympathize with you on that basis at all.”

_Miss Reed_: “What shall I try, then, if you won’t let me try wheedling?”

_Miss Spaulding_, going to the piano and opening it: “Try courage; try
self-respect.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, dear! when I haven’t a morsel of either.  Are you going
to practise, you cruel maid?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Of course I am.  It’s half-past four, and if I don’t
do it now I sha’n’t be prepared to-morrow for Miss Robins: she takes this
piece.”

_Miss Reed_: “Well, well, perhaps it’s all for the best.  If music be the
food of—umph-ump!—you know what!—play on.”  They both laugh, and _Miss
Spaulding_ pushes back a little from the piano, and wheels toward her
friend, letting one hand rest slightly on the keys.

_Miss Spaulding_: “Ethel Reed, you’re the most ridiculous girl in the
world.”

_Miss Reed_: “Correct!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “And I don’t believe you ever were in love, or ever
will be.”

_Miss Reed_: “Ah, there you wrong me, Henrietta!  I have been, and I
shall be—lots of times.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Well, what do you want to say now?  You must hurry,
for I can’t lose any more time.”

_Miss Reed_: “I will free my mind with neatness and despatch.  I simply
wish to go over the whole affair, from Alfred to Omaha; and you’ve got to
let me talk as much slang and nonsense as I want.  And then I’ll skip all
the details I can.  Will you?”

_Miss Spaulding_, with impatient patience: “Oh, I suppose so!”

_Miss Reed_: “That’s very sweet of you, though you don’t look it.  Now,
where was I?  Oh, yes, do you think it was forth-putting at all, to ask
him if he would give me the lessons?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “It depends upon why you asked him.”

_Miss Reed_: “I asked him from—from—Let me see; I asked him
because—from—Yes, I say it boldly; I asked him from an enthusiasm for
art, and a sincere wish to learn the use of oil, as he called it.  Yes!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Are you sure?”

_Miss Reed_: “Sure?  Well, we will say that I am, for the sake of
argument.  And, having secured this basis, the question is whether I
wasn’t bound to offer him pay at the end, and whether he wasn’t wrong to
take my doing so in dudgeon.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Yes, I think he was wrong.  And the terms of his
refusal were very ungentlemanly.  He ought to apologize most amply and
humbly.”  At a certain expression in _Miss Reed’s_ face, she adds, with
severity: “Unless you’re keeping back the main point.  You usually do.
Are you?”

_Miss Reed_: “No, no.  I’ve told you everything—everything!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Then I say, as I said from the beginning, that he
behaved very badly.  It was very awkward and very painful, but you’ve
really nothing to blame yourself for.”

_Miss Reed_, ruefully: “No-o-o!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “What do you mean by that sort of ‘No’?”

_Miss Reed_: “Nothing.”

_Miss Spaulding_, sternly: “Yes, you do, Ethel.”

_Miss Reed_: “I don’t, really.  What makes you’ think I do?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “It sounded very dishonest.”

_Miss Reed_: “Did it?  I didn’t mean it to.”  Her friend breaks down with
a laugh, while _Miss Reed_ preserves a demure countenance.

_Miss Spaulding_: “What _are_ you keeping back?”

_Miss Reed_: “Nothing at all—less than nothing!  I never thought it was
worth mentioning.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Are you telling me the truth?”

_Miss Reed_: “I’m telling you the truth and something more.  You can’t
ask better than that, can you?”

_Miss Spaulding_, turning to her music again: “Certainly not.”

_Miss Reed_: in a pathetic wail: “O Henrietta! do you abandon me thus?
Well, I will tell you, heartless girl!  I’ve only kept it back till now
because it was so extremely mortifying to my pride as an artist—as a
student of oil.  Will you hear me?”

_Miss Spaulding_, beginning to play: “No.”

_Miss Reed_, with burlesque wildness: “You shall!”  _Miss Spaulding_
involuntarily desists.  “There was a moment—a fatal moment—when he said
he thought he ought to tell me that if I found oil amusing I could go on;
but that he didn’t believe I should ever learn to use it, and he couldn’t
let me take lessons from him with the expectation that I should.  There!”

_Miss Spaulding_, with awful reproach: “And you call that less than
nothing?  I’ve almost a mind never to speak to you again, Ethel.  How
_could_ you deceive me so?”

_Miss Reed_: “Was it really deceiving?  _I_ shouldn’t call it so.  And I
needed your sympathy so much, and I knew I shouldn’t get it unless you
thought I was altogether in the right.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “You are altogether in the wrong!  And it’s _you_ that
ought to apologize to _him_—on your bended knees.  How _could_ you offer
him money after that?  I wonder at you, Ethel!”

_Miss Reed_: “Why—don’t you see, Nettie?—I did keep on taking the lessons
of him.  I did find oil amusing—or the oilist—and I kept on.  Of course I
had to, off there in a farmhouse full of lady boarders, and he the only
gentleman short of Crawford’s.  Strike, but hear me, Henrietta Spaulding!
What was I to do about the half-dozen lessons I had taken before he told
me I should never learn to use oil?  Was I to offer to pay him for these,
and not for the rest; or was I to treat the whole series as gratuitous?
I used to lie awake thinking about it.  I’ve got little tact, but I
couldn’t find any way out of the trouble.  It was a box—yes, a box of the
deepest dye!  And the whole affair having got to be—something else, don’t
you know?—made it all the worse.  And if he’d only—only—But he didn’t.
Not a syllable, not a breath!  And there I was.  I _had_ to offer him the
money.  And it’s almost killed me—the way he took my offering it, and now
the way you take it!  And it’s all of a piece.”  _Miss Reed_ suddenly
snatches her handkerchief from her pocket, and buries her face in
it.—“Oh, dear—oh, dear!  Oh!—hu, hu, hu!”

_Miss Spaulding_, relenting: “It was awkward.”

_Miss Reed_: “Awkward!  You seem to think that because I carry things off
lightly I have no feeling.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “You know I don’t think that, Ethel.”

_Miss Reed_, pursuing her advantage: “I don’t know it from you, Nettie.
I’ve tried and _tried_ to pass it off as a joke, and to treat it as
something funny; but I can tell you it’s no joke at all.”

_Miss Spaulding_, sympathetically: “I see, dear.”

_Miss Reed_: “It’s not that I care for him”—

_Miss Spaulding_: “Why, of course.”

_Miss Reed_: “For I don’t in the least.  He is horrid every way: blunt,
and rude, and horrid.  I never cared for him.  But I care for myself!  He
has put me in the position of having done an unkind thing—an unladylike
thing—when I was only doing what I had to do.  Why need he have taken it
the way he did?  Why couldn’t he have said politely that he couldn’t
accept the money because he hadn’t earned it?  Even _that_ would have
been mortifying enough.  But he must go and be so violent, and rush off,
and—Oh, I never could have treated anybody so!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Not unless you were very fond of them.”

_Miss Reed_: “What?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Not unless you were very fond of them.”

_Miss Reed_, putting away her handkerchief: “Oh, nonsense, Nettie!  He
never cared anything for me, or he couldn’t have acted so.  But no matter
for that.  He has fixed everything so that it can never be got
straight—never in the world.  It will just have to remain a hideous mass
of—of—_I_ don’t know what; and I have simply got to on withering with
despair at the point where I left off.  But I don’t care!  That’s one
comfort.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “I don’t believe he’ll let you wither long, Ethel.”

_Miss Reed_: “He’s let me wither for twenty-four hours already!  But it’s
nothing to me, now, how long he lets me wither.  I’m perfectly satisfied
to have the affair remain as it is.  I am in the right, and if he comes I
shall refuse to see him.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Oh, no, you won’t, Ethel!”

_Miss Reed_: “Yes, I shall.  I shall receive him very coldly.  I won’t
listen to any excuse from him.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Oh, yes, you will, Ethel!”

_Miss Reed_: “No, I shall not.  If he wishes me to listen he must begin
by humbling himself in the dust—yes, the dust, Nettie!  I won’t take
anything short of it.  I insist that he shall realize that I have
suffered.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Perhaps he has suffered too!”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, _he_ suffered!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “You know that he was perfectly devoted to you.”

_Miss Reed_: “He never said so.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Perhaps he didn’t dare.”

_Miss Reed_: “He dared to be very insolent to me.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “And you know you liked him very much.”

_Miss Reed_: “I won’t let you say that, Nettie Spaulding.  I _didn’t_
like him.  I respected and admired him; but I didn’t _like_ him.  He will
come near me; but if he does he has to begin by—by—Let me see, what shall
I make him begin by doing?”  She casts up her eyes for inspiration while
she leans forward over the register.  “Yes, I will!  He has got to begin
by taking that money!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Ethel, you wouldn’t put that affront upon a sensitive
and high-spirited man!”

_Miss Reed_: “Wouldn’t I?  You wait and _see_, Miss Spaulding!  He shall
take the money, and he shall sign a receipt for it.  I’ll draw up the
receipt now, so as to have it ready, and I shall ask him to sign it the
very moment he enters this door—the very instant!”  She takes a portfolio
from the table near her, without rising, and writes: “‘Received from Miss
Ethel Reed one hundred and twenty-five dollars, in full, for twenty-five
lessons in oil-painting.’  There—when Mr. Oliver Ransom has signed this
little document he may begin to talk; not before!”  She leans back in her
chair with an air of pitiless determination.

_Miss Spaulding_: “But, Ethel, you don’t mean to make him take money for
the lessons he gave you after he told you you couldn’t learn anything?”

_Miss Reed_, after a moment’s pause: “Yes, I do.  This is to punish him.
I don’t wish for justice now; I wish for vengeance!  At first I would
have compromised on the six lessons, or on none at all, if he had behaved
nicely; but after what’s happened I shall insist upon paying him for
every lesson, so as to make him feel that the whole thing, from first to
last, was a purely business transaction on my part.  Yes, a
_purely_—BUSINESS—TRANSACTION!”

_Miss Spaulding_, turning to her music: “Then I’ve got nothing more to
say to you, Ethel Reed.”

_Miss Reed_: “I don’t say but what, after he’s taken the money and signed
the receipt, I’ll listen to anything else he’s got to say, very
willingly.”  _Miss Spaulding_ makes no answer, but begins to play with a
scientific absorption, feeling her way fitfully through the new piece,
while _Miss Reed_, seated by the register, trifles with the book she has
taken from the table.



II.


THE interior of the room of _Miss Spaulding_ and _Miss Reed_ remains in
view, while the scene discloses, on the other side of the partition wall
in the same house, the bachelor apartment of _Mr. Samuel Grinnidge_.
_Mr. Grinnidge_ in his dressing-gown and slippers, with his pipe in his
mouth, has the effect of having just come in; his friend _Mr. Oliver
Ransom_ stands at the window, staring out into the November weather.

                                * * * * *

_Grinnidge_: “How long have you been waiting here?”

_Ransom_: “Ten minutes—ten years.  How should I know?”

_Grinnidge_: “Well, I don’t know who else should.  Get back to-day?”

_Ransom_: “Last night.”

_Grinnidge_: “Well, take off your coat, and pull up to the register, and
warm your poor feet.”  He puts his hand out over the register.  “Confound
it! somebody’s got the register open in the next room!  You see, one pipe
comes up from the furnace and branches into a V just under the floor, and
professes to heat both rooms.  But it don’t.  There was a fellow in there
last winter who used to get all my heat.  Used to go out and leave his
register open, and I’d come in here just before dinner and find this
place as cold as a barn.  We had a running fight of it all winter.  The
man who got his register open first in the morning got all the heat for
the day, for it never turned the other way when it started in one
direction.  Used to almost suffocate—warm, muggy days—maintaining my
rights.  Some piano-pounder in there this winter, it seems.  Hear?  And
she hasn’t lost any time in learning the trick of the register.  What
kept you so late in the country?”

_Ransom_, after an absent-minded pause: “Grinnidge, I wish you would give
me some advice.”

_Grinnidge_: “You can have all you want of it at the market price.”

_Ransom_: “I don’t mean your legal advice.”

_Grinnidge_: “I’m sorry.  What have you been doing?”

_Ransom_: “I’ve been making an ass of myself.”

_Grinnidge_: “Wasn’t that rather superfluous?”

_Ransom_: “If you please, yes.  But now, it you’re capable of listening
to me without any further display of your cross-examination wit, I should
like to tell you how it happened.”

_Grinnidge_: “I will do my best to veil my brilliancy.  Go on.”

_Ransom_: “I went up to Ponkwasset early in September for the foliage.”

_Grinnidge_: “And staid till late in October.  There must have been a
reason for that.  What was her name?  Foliage?”

_Ransom_, coming up to the corner of the chimney-piece, near which his
friend sits, and talking to him directly over the register: “I think
you’ll have to get along without the name for the present.  I’ll tell you
by and by.”  As _Mr. Ransom_ pronounces these words, _Miss Reed_, on her
side of the partition, lifts her head with a startled air, and, after a
moment of vague circumspection, listens keenly.  “But she was beautiful.
She was a blonde, and she had the loveliest eyes—eyes, you know, that
could be funny or tender, just as she chose—the kind of eyes I always
liked.”  _Miss Reed_ leads forward over the register.  “She had one of
those faces that always leave you in doubt whether they’re laughing at
you, and so keep you in wholesome subjection; but you feel certain that
they’re _good_, and that if they did hurt you by laughing at you, they’d
look sorry for you afterward.  When she walked you saw what an exquisite
creature she was.  It always made me mad to think I couldn’t _paint_ her
walk.”

_Grinnidge_: “I suppose you saw a good deal of her walk.”

_Ransom_: “Yes; we were off in the woods and fields half the time
together.”  He takes a turn towards the window.

_Miss Reed_, suddenly shutting the register on her side: “Oh!”

_Miss Spaulding_, looking up from her music: “What is it, Ethel?”

_Miss Reed_: “Nothing, nothing; I—I—thought it was getting too warm.  Go
on, dear; don’t let me interrupt you.”  After a moment of heroic
self-denial she softly presses the register open with her foot.

_Ransom_, coming back to the register: “It all began in that way.  I had
the good fortune one day to rescue her from a—cow.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, for shame!”

_Miss Spaulding_, desisting from her piano: “What _is_ the matter?”

_Miss Reed_, clapping the register to: “This ridiculous book!  But
don’t—don’t mind me, Nettie.”  Breathlessly: “Go—go—on!”  _Miss
Spaulding_ resumes, and again _Miss Reed_ softly presses the register
open.

_Ransom_, after a pause: “The cow was grazing, and had no more thought of
hooking Miss”—

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, I didn’t suppose he _would_!—Go on, Nettie, go on!  The
hero—_such_ a goose!”

_Ransom_: “I drove her away with my camp-stool, and Miss—the young
lady—was as grateful as if I had rescued her from a menagerie of wild
animals.  I walked home with her to the farm house, and the trouble began
at once.”  Pantomime of indignant protest and burlesque menace on the
part of _Miss Reed_.  “There wasn’t another well woman in the house,
except her friend Miss Spaulding, who was rather old and rather plain.”
He takes another turn to the window.

_Miss Reed_: “Oh!”  She shuts the register, but instantly opens it again.
“Louder, Nettie.”

_Miss Spaulding_, in astonishment: “What?”

_Miss Reed_: “Did I speak?  I didn’t know it.  I”—

_Miss Spaulding_, desisting from practice: “What is that strange, hollow,
rumbling, mumbling kind of noise?”

_Miss Reed_, softly closing the register with her foot: “I don’t hear any
strange, hollow, rumbling, mumbling kind of noise.  Do you hear it
_now_?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “No.  It was the Brighton whistle, probably.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, very likely.”  As _Miss Spaulding_ turns again to her
practice _Miss Reed_ re-opens the register and listens again.  A little
interval of silence ensues, while _Ransom_ lights a cigarette.

_Grinnidge_: “So you sought opportunities of rescuing her from other
cows?”

_Ransom_, returning: “That wasn’t necessary.  The young lady was so
impressed by my behavior, that she asked if I would give her some lessons
in the use of oil.”

_Grinnidge_: “She thought if she knew how to paint pictures like yours
she wouldn’t need any one to drive the cows away.”

_Ransom_: “Don’t be farcical, Grinnidge.  That sort of thing will do with
some victim on the witness-stand who can’t help himself.  Of course I
said I would, and we were off half the time together, painting the
loveliest and loneliest bits around Ponkwasset.  It all went on very
well, till one day I felt bound in conscience to tell her that I didn’t
think she would ever learn to paint, and that—if she was serious about it
she’d better drop it at once, for she was wasting her time.”

_Grinnidge_, getting up to fill his pipe: “That was a pleasant thing to
do.”

_Ransom_: “I told her that if it amused her, to keep on; I would be only
too glad to give her all—the hints I could, but that I oughtn’t to
encourage her.  She seemed a good deal hurt.  I fancied at the time that
she thought I was tired of having her with me so much.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, _did_ you, indeed!”  To _Miss Spaulding_, who bends an
astonished glance upon her from the piano: “The man in this book is the
most _conceited_ creature, Nettie.  Play chords—something very
subdued—ah!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “What are you talking about, Ethel?”

_Ransom_: “That was at night; but the next day she came up smiling, and
said that if I didn’t mind she would keep on—for amusement; she wasn’t a
bit discouraged.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh!—Go on, Nettie; don’t let my outbursts interrupt you.”

_Ransom_: “I used to fancy sometimes that she was a little sweet on me.”

_Miss Reed_: “You wretch!—Oh, scales, Nettie!  Play scales!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Ethel Reed, are you crazy?”

_Ransom_, after a thoughtful moment: “Well, so it went on for the next
seven or eight weeks.   When we weren’t sketching in the meadows, or on
the mountain-side, or in the old punt on the pond, we were walking up and
down the farmhouse piazza together.  She used to read to me when I was at
work.  She had a heavenly voice, Grinnidge.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, you silly, silly thing!—Really this book makes me sick,
Nettie.”

_Ransom_: “Well, the long and the short of it was, I was hit—_hard_, and
I lost all courage.  You know how I am, Grinnidge.”

_Miss Reed_, softly: “Oh, poor fellow!”

_Ransom_: “So I let the time go by, and at the end I hadn’t said
anything.”

_Miss Reed_: “No, sir!  You _hadn’t_!”  _Miss Spaulding_ gradually ceases
to play, and fixes her attention wholly upon _Miss Reed_, who bends
forward over the register with an intensely excited face.

_Ransom_: “Then something happened that made me glad, for twenty-four
hours at least, that I hadn’t spoken.  She sent me the money for
twenty-five lessons.  Imagine how I felt, Grinnidge!  What could I
suppose but that she had been quietly biding her time, and storing up her
resentment for my having told her she couldn’t learn to paint, till she
could pay me back with interest in one supreme insult?”

_Miss Reed_, in a low voice: “Oh, how could you think such a cruel,
vulgar thing?”  _Miss Spaulding_ leaves the piano, and softly approaches
her, where she has sunk on her knees beside the register.

_Ransom_: “It was tantamount to telling me that she had been amusing
herself with me instead of my lessons.  It remanded our whole
association, which I had got to thinking so romantic, to the relation of
teacher and pupil.  It was a snub—a heartless, killing snub; and I
couldn’t see it in any other light.”  _Ransom_ walks away to the window,
and looks out.

_Miss Reed_, flinging herself backward from the register, and hiding her
face in her hands: “Oh, it wasn’t! it wasn’t! it wasn’t!  How could you
think so?”

_Miss Spaulding_, rushing forward, and catching her friend in her arms:
“What is the matter with you, Ethel Reed?  What are you doing here, over
the register?  Are you trying to suffocate yourself?  Have you taken
leave of your senses?”

_Grinnidge_: “Our fair friend on the other side of the wall seems to be
on the rampage.”

_Miss Spaulding_, shutting the register with a violent clash: “Ugh! how
hot it is here!”

_Grinnidge_: “Doesn’t like your conversation, apparently.”

_Miss Reed_, frantically pressing forward to open the register: “Oh,
don’t shut it, Nettie, dear!  If you do I shall die!  Do-o-n’t shut the
register!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Don’t shut it?  Why, we’ve got all the heat of the
furnace in the room now.  Surely you don’t want any more?”

_Miss Reed_: “No, no; not any more.  But—but—  Oh, dear! what shall I
do?”  She still struggles in the embrace of her friend.

_Grinnidge_, remaining quietly at the register, while _Ransom_ walks away
to the window: “Well, what did you do?”

_Miss Reed_: “There, there!  They’re commencing again!  _Do_ open it,
Nettie.  I _will_ have it open!”  She wrenches herself free, and dashes
the register open.

_Grinnidge_: “Ah, she’s opened it again.”

_Miss Reed_, in a stage-whisper: “That’s the other one!”

_Ransom_, from the window: “Do?  I’ll tell you what I did.”

_Miss Reed_: “That’s Ol—Mr. Ransom.  And, oh, I can’t make out what he’s
saying!  He must have gone away to the other side of the room—and it’s at
the most important point!”

_Miss Spaulding_, in an awful undertone: “Was that the hollow rumbling I
heard?  And have you been listening at the register to what they’ve been
saying?  O _Ethel_!”

_Miss Reed_: “I haven’t been listening, exactly.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “You have!  You have been eavesdropping!”

_Miss Reed_: “Eavesdropping is listening through a key-hole, or around a
corner.  This is very different.  Besides, it’s Oliver, and he’s been
talking about _me_.  Hark!”  She clutches her friend’s hand, where they
have crouched upon the floor together, and pulls her forward to the
register.  “Oh, dear, how hot it is!  I wish they would cut off the heat
down below.”

_Grinnidge_, smoking peacefully through the silence which his friend has
absent-mindedly let follow upon his last words: “Well, you seem disposed
to take your time about it.”

_Ransom_: “About what?  Oh, yes!  Well”—

_Miss Reed_: “’Sh!  Listen.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “I won’t listen!  It’s shameful: it’s wicked!  I don’t
see how you can do it, Ethel!”  She remains, however, kneeling near the
register, and she involuntarily inclines a little more toward it.

_Ransom_: “—It isn’t a thing that I care to shout from the house-tops.”
He returns from the window to the chimney-piece.  “I wrote the rudest
kind of note, and sent back her letter and her money in it.  She had said
that she hoped our acquaintance was not to end with the summer, but that
we might sometimes meet in Boston; and I answered that our acquaintance
had ended already, and that I should be sorry to meet her anywhere
again.”

_Grinnidge_: “Well, if you wanted to make an ass of yourself, you did it
pretty completely.”

_Miss Reed_, whispering: “How witty he is!  Those men are always so
humorous with each other.”

_Ransom_: “Yes; I didn’t do it by halves.”

_Miss Reed_, whispering: “Oh, _that’s_ funny, too!”

_Grinnidge_: “It didn’t occur to you that she might feel bound to pay you
for the first half-dozen, and was embarrassed how to offer to pay for
them alone?”

_Miss Reed_: “How he _does_ go to the heart of the matter!”  She presses
_Miss Spaulding’s_ hand in an ecstasy of approval.

_Ransom_: “Yes, it did—afterward.”

_Miss Reed_, in a tender murmur: “Oh, _poor_ Oliver!”

_Ransom_: “And it occurred to me that she was perfectly right in the
whole affair.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, how generous! how noble!”

_Ransom_: “I had had a thousand opportunities, and I hadn’t been man
enough to tell her that I was in love with her.”

_Miss Reed_: “How can he say it right out so bluntly?  But if it’s true”—

_Ransom_: “I _couldn’t_ speak.  I was afraid of putting an end to the
affair—of frightening her—disgusting her.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, how little they know us, Nettie!”

_Ransom_: “She seemed so much above me in every way—so sensitive, so
refined, so gentle, so good, so angelic!”

_Miss Reed_: “There!  _Now_ do you call it eavesdropping?  If listeners
never hear any good of themselves, what do you say to that?  It proves
that I haven’t been listening.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “’Sh!  They’re saying something else.”

_Ransom_: “But all that’s neither here nor there.  I can see now that
under the circumstances she couldn’t as a lady have acted otherwise than
she did.  She was forced to treat our whole acquaintance as a business
matter, and I had forced her to do it.”

_Miss Reed_: “You _had_, you poor thing!”

_Grinnidge_: “Well, what do you intend to do about it?”

_Ransom_: “Well”—

_Miss Reed_: “’Sh!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “’Sh!”

_Ransom_: “—that’s what I want to submit to you, Grinnidge.  I must see
her.”

_Grinnidge_: “Yes.  I’m glad _I_ mustn’t.”

_Miss Reed_, stifling a laugh on _Miss Spaulding’s_ shoulder: “They’re
actually _afraid_ of us, Nettie!”

_Ransom_: “See her, and go down in the dust.”

_Miss Reed_: “My very words!”

_Ransom_: “I have been trying to think what was the very humblest pie I
could eat, by way of penance; and it appears to me that I had better
begin by saying that I have come to ask her for the money I refused.”

_Miss Reed_, enraptured: “Oh! doesn’t it seem just like—like—inspiration,
Nettie?”

_Miss Spaulding_: “’Sh!  Be quiet, do!  You’ll frighten them away!”

_Grinnidge_: “And then what?”

_Ransom_: “What then?  I don’t know what then.  But it appears to me
that, as a gentleman, I’ve got nothing to do with the result.  All that
I’ve got to do is to submit to my fate, whatever it is.”

_Miss Reed_, breathlessly: “What princely courage!  What delicate
magnanimity!  Oh, he needn’t have the _least_ fear!  If I could only tell
him that!”

_Grinnidge_, after an interval of meditative smoking: “Yes, I guess
that’s the best thing you can do.  It will strike her fancy, if she’s an
imaginative girl, and she’ll think you a fine fellow.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, the horrid thing!”

_Grinnidge_: “If you humble yourself to a woman at all, do it thoroughly.
If you go halfway down she’ll be tempted to push you the rest of the way.
If you flatten out at her feet to begin with, ten to one but she will
pick you up.”

_Ransom_: “Yes, that was my idea.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, was it, indeed!  Well!”

_Ransom_: “But I’ve nothing to do with her picking me up or pushing me
down.  All that I’ve got to do is to go and surrender myself.”

_Grinnidge_: “Yes.  Well; I guess you can’t go too soon.  I like your
company; but I advise you as a friend not to lose time.  Where does she
live?”

_Ransom_: “That’s the remarkable part of it: she lives in this house.”

_Miss Reed_ and _Miss Spaulding_, in subdued chorus: “Oh!”

_Grinnidge_, taking his pipe out of his mouth in astonishment: “No!”

_Ransom_: “I just came in here to give my good resolutions a rest while I
was screwing my courage up to ask for her.”

_Miss Reed_: “Don’t you think he’s _very_ humorous?  Give his good
resolutions a rest!  That’s the way he _always_ talks.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “’Sh!”

_Grinnidge_: “You said you came for my advice.”

_Ransom_: “So I did.  But I didn’t promise to act upon it.  Well!”  He
goes toward the door.

_Grinnidge_, without troubling himself to rise: “Well, good luck to you!”

_Miss Reed_: “How droll they are with each other!  Don’t you _like_ to
hear them talk?  Oh, I could listen all day.”

_Grinnidge_, calling after _Ransom_: “You haven’t told me your duck’s
name.”

_Miss Reed_: “Is _that_ what they call us?  Duck!  Do you think it’s very
respectful, Nettie?  I don’t believe I like it.  Or, yes, why not?  It’s
no harm—if I _am_ his duck!”

_Ransom_, coming back: “Well, I don’t propose to go shouting it round.
Her name is Miss Reed—Ethel Reed.”

_Miss Reed_: “How _can_ he?”

_Grinnidge_: “Slender, willowy party, with a lot of blond hair that looks
as if it might be indigenous?  Rather pensive-looking?”

_Miss Reed_: “Indigenous!  I should hope so!”

_Ransom_: “Yes.  But she isn’t pensive.  She’s awfully deep.  It makes me
shudder to think how deep that girl is.  And when I think of my courage
in daring to be in love with her—a stupid, straightforward idiot like
me—I begin to respect myself in spite of being such an ass.  Well, I’m
off.  If I stay any longer I shall never go.”  He closes the door after
him, and _Miss Reed_ instantly springs to her feet.

_Miss Reed_: “Now he’ll have to go down to the parlor and send up his
name, and that just gives me time to do the necessary prinking.  You stay
here and receive him, Nettie.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Never!  After what’s happened I can never look him in
the face again.  Oh, how low, and mean, and guilty I feel!”

_Miss Reed_, with surprise: “Why, how droll!  Now _I_ don’t feel the
least so.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Oh, it’s very different with _you_.  _You’re_ in love
with him.”

_Miss Reed_: “For shame, Nettie!  I’m _not_ in love with him.”

_Miss Spaulding_: “And you can explain and justify it.  But I never can
justify it to myself, much less to him.  Let me go, Ethel!  I shall tell
Mrs. McKnight that we must change this room instantly.  And just after
I’d got it so nearly in order!  Go down and receive him in the parlor,
Ethel.  I _can’t_ see him.”

_Miss Reed_: “Receive him in the parlor!  Why, Nettie, dear, you’re
crazy!  I’m going to _accept_ him: and how can I accept him—with all the
consequences—in a public parlor?  No, indeed!  If you won’t meet him here
for a moment, just to oblige me, you can go into the other room.  Or,
no—you’d be listening to every word through the key-hole, you’re so
demoralized!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “Yes, yes, I deserve your contempt, Ethel.”

_Miss Reed_, laughing: “You will have to go out for a walk, you poor
thing; and I’m not going to have you coming back in five or ten minutes.
You have got to stay out a good hour.”

_Miss Spaulding_, running to get her things from the next room: “Oh, I’ll
stay out till midnight!”

_Miss Reed_, responding to a tap at the door: “Ye-e-s!  Come in!—You’re
caught, Nettie.”

_A maid-servant_, appearing with a card: “This gentleman is asking for
you in the parlor, Miss Reed.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh!  Ask him to come up here, please.—Nettie!  Nettie!”
She calls to her friend in the next room.  “He’s coming right up, and if
you don’t run you’re trapped.”

_Miss Spaulding_, re-appearing, cloaked and bonneted: “I don’t blame
_you_, Ethel, comparatively speaking.  You can say that everything is
fair in love.  He will like it, and laugh at it in you, because he’ll
like everything you’ve done.  Besides, you’ve no principles, and I
_have_.”

_Miss Reed_: “Oh, I’ve lots of principles, Nettie, but I’ve no practice!”

_Miss Spaulding_: “No matter.  There’s no excuse for me.  I listened
simply because I was a woman, and couldn’t help it; and, oh, what will he
think of me?”

_Miss Reed_: “I won’t give you away; if you really feel so badly”—

_Miss Spaulding_: “Oh, _do_ you think you can keep from telling him,
Ethel dear?  Try!  And I will be your slave forever!”  Steps are heard on
the stairs outside.  “Oh, there he comes!”  She dashes out of the door,
and closes it after her, a moment before the maid-servant, followed by
_Mr. Ransom_, taps at it.



III.


SCENE: _Miss Reed_ opens the door, and receives _Mr. Ransom_ with
well-affected surprise and state, suffering him to stand awkwardly on the
threshold for a moment.

                                * * * * *

_She_, coldly: “Oh!—Mr. Ransom!”

_He_, abruptly: “I’ve come”—

_She_: “Won’t you come in?”

_He_, advancing a few paces into the room: “I’ve come”—

_She_, indicating a chair: “Will you sit down?”

_He_: “I must stand for the present.  I’ve come to ask you for that
money, Miss Reed, which I refused yesterday, in terms that I blush to
think of.  I was altogether and wholly in the wrong, and I’m ready to
offer any imaginable apology or reparation.  I’m ready to take the money
and to sign a receipt, and then to be dismissed with whatever ignominy
you please.  I deserve anything—everything!”

_She_: “The money?  Excuse me; I don’t know—I’m afraid that I’m not
prepared to pay you the whole sum to-day.”

_He_, hastily: “Oh, no matter! no matter!  I don’t care for the money
now.  I merely wish to—to assure you that I thought you were perfectly
right in offering it, and to—to”—

_She_: “What?”

_He_: “Nothing.  That is—ah—ah”—

_She_: “It’s extremely embarrassing to have people refuse their money
when it’s offered them, and then come the next day for it, when perhaps
it isn’t so convenient to pay it—_very_ embarrassing.”

_He_, hotly: “But I tell you I don’t want the _money_!  I never wanted
it, and wouldn’t take it on any account.”

_She_: “Oh!  I thought you said you came to get it?”

_He_: “I said—I didn’t say—I meant—that is—ah—I”—He stops, open-mouthed.

_She_, quietly: “I could give you part of the money now.”

_He_: “Oh, whatever you like; it’s indifferent”—

_She_: “Please sit down while I write a receipt.”  She places herself
deliberately at the table, and opens her portfolio.  “I will pay you now,
Mr. Ransom, for the first six lessons you gave me—the ones before you
told me that I could never learn to do anything.”

_He_, sinking mechanically into the chair she indicates: “Oh, just as you
like!”  He looks up at the ceiling in hopeless bewilderment, while she
writes.

_She_, blotting the paper: “There!  And now let me offer you a little
piece of advice, Mr. Ransom, which may be useful to you in taking pupils
hereafter.”

_He_, bursting out: “I never take pupils!”

_She_: “Never take pupils!  I don’t understand.  You took _me_.”

_He_, confusedly: “I took you—yes.  You seemed to wish—you seemed—the
case was peculiar—peculiar circumstances.”

_She_, with severity: “May I ask _why_ the circumstances were peculiar?
I saw nothing peculiar about the circumstances.  It seemed to me it was a
very simple matter.  I told you that I had always had a great curiosity
to see whether I could use oil paints, and I asked you a very plain
question, whether you would let me study with you.  Didn’t I?”

_He_: “Yes.”

_She_: “Was there anything wrong—anything queer about my asking you?”

_He_: “No, no!  Not at all—not in the least.”

_She_: “Didn’t you wish me to take the lessons of you?  If you didn’t, it
wasn’t kind of you to let me.”

_He_: “Oh, I was perfectly willing—very glad indeed, very much
so—certainly!”

_She_: “If it wasn’t your _custom_ to take pupils, you ought to have told
me, and I wouldn’t have forced myself upon you.”

_He_, desperately: “It wasn’t forcing yourself upon me.  The Lord knows
how humbly grateful I was.  It was like a hope of heaven!”

_She_: “Really, Mr. Ransom, this is very strange talk.  What am I to
understand by it?  Why should you be grateful to teach me?  Why should
giving me lessons be like a hope of heaven?”

_He_: “Oh, I will tell you!”

_She_: “Well?”

_He_, after a moment of agony: “Because to be with you”—

_She_: “Yes?”

_He_: “Because I wished to be with you.  Because—those days in the woods,
when you read, and I”—

_She_: “Painted on my pictures”—

_He_: “Were the happiest of my life.  Because—I loved you!”

_She_: “Mr. Ransom!”

_He_: “Yes, I must tell you so.  I loved you; I love you still.  I shall
always love you, no matter what”—

_She_: “You forget yourself, Mr. Ransom.  Has there been anything in my
manner—conduct—to justify you in using such language to me?”

_He_: “No—no”—

_She_: “Did you suppose that because I first took lessons of you
from—from—an enthusiasm for art, and then continued them
for—for—amusement, that I wished you to make love to me?”

_He_: “No, I never supposed such a thing.  I’m incapable of it.  I
beseech you to believe that no one could have more respect—reverence”—He
twirls his hat between his hands, and casts an imploring glance at her.

_She_: “Oh, respect—reverence!  I know what they mean in the mouths of
men.  If you respected, if you reverenced me, could you dare to tell me,
after my unguarded trust of you during the past months, that you had been
all the time secretly in love with me?”

_He_, plucking up a little courage: “I don’t see that the three things
are incompatible.”

_She_: “Oh, then you acknowledge that you did presume upon something you
thought you saw in me to tell me that you loved me, and that you were in
love with me all the time?”

_He_, contritely: “I have no right to suppose that you encouraged me; and
yet—I can’t deny it now—I was in love with you all the time.”

_She_: “And you never said a word to let me believe that you had any such
feeling toward me!”

_He_: “I—I”—

_She_: “You would have parted from me without a syllable to suggest
it—perhaps parted from me forever?”  After a pause of silent humiliation
for him: “Do you call that brave or generous?  Do you call it
manly—supposing, as you hoped, that _I_ had any such feeling?”

_He_: “No; it was cowardly, it was mean, it was unmanly.  I see it now,
but I will spend my life in repairing the wrong, if you will only let
me.”  He impetuously advances some paces toward her, and then stops,
arrested by her irresponsive attitude.

_She_, with a light sigh, and looking down at the paper, which she has
continued to hold between her hands: “There was a time—a moment—when I
might have answered as you wish.”

_He_: “Oh! then there will be again.  If you have changed once, you may
change once more.  Let me hope that some time—any time, dearest”—

_She_, quenching him with a look: “Mr. Ransom, I shall _never_ change
toward you!  You confess that you had your opportunity, and that you
despised it.”

_He_: “Oh! _not_ despised it!”

_She_: “Neglected it.”

_He_: “Not wilfully—no.  I confess that I was stupidly, vilely,
pusillan—pusillan—illani”—

_She_: “’Monsly”—

_He_: “Thanks—’mously unworthy of it; but I didn’t despise it; I didn’t
neglect it; and if you will only let me show by a lifetime of devotion
how dearly and truly I have loved you from the first moment I drove that
cow away”—

_She_: “Mr. Ransom, I have told you that I should never change toward
you.  That cow was nothing when weighed in the balance against your being
willing to leave a poor girl, whom you supposed interested in you, and to
whom you had paid the most marked attention, without a word to show her
that you cared for her.  What is a cow, or a whole herd of cows, as
compared with obliging a young lady to offer you money that you hadn’t
earned, and then savagely flinging it back in her face?  A yoke of oxen
would be nothing—or a mad bull.”

_He_: “Oh, I acknowledge it!  I confess it.”

_She_: “And you own that I am right in refusing to listen to you now?”

_He_, desolately: “Yes, yes.”

_She_: “It seems that you gave me lessons in order to be with me, and if
possible to interest me in you; and then you were going away without a
word.”

_He_, with a groan: “It was only because I was afraid to speak.”

_She_: “Oh, is _that_ any excuse?”

_He_: “No; none.”

_She_: “A man ought always to have courage.”  After a pause, in which he
stands before her with bowed head: “Then there’s nothing for me but to
give you this money.”

_He_, with sudden energy: “This is too much!  I”—

_She_, offering him the bank-notes: “No; it is the exact sum.  I counted
it very carefully.”

_He_: “I won’t take it; I can’t!  I’ll never take it!”

_She_, standing with the money in her outstretched hand: “I have your
word as a gentleman that you will take it.”

_He_, gasping: “Oh, well—I will take it—I will”—He clutches the money,
and rushes toward the door.  “Good-evening; ah—good-by”—

_She_, calling after him: “The receipt, Mr. Ransom!  Please sign this
receipt!”  _She_ waves the paper in the air.

_He_: “Oh, yes, certainly!  Where is it—what—which”—_He_ rushes back to
her, and seizing the receipt, feels blindly about for the pen and ink.
“Where shall I sign?”

_She_: “Read it first.”

_He_: “Oh, it’s all—all right”—

_She_: “I insist upon your reading it.  It’s a business transaction.
Read it aloud.”

_He_, desperately: “Well, well!”  _He_ reads.  “‘Received from Miss Ethel
Reed, in full, for twenty-five lessons in oil-painting, one hundred and
twenty-five dollars, and her hand, heart, and dearest love forever.’”
_He_ looks up at her.  “Ethel!”

_She_, smiling: “Sign it, sign it!”

_He_, catching her in his arms and kissing her: “Oh, yes—_here_!”

_She_, pulling a little away from him, and laughing: “Oh, oh!  I only
wanted _one_ signature!  Twenty autographs are too many, unless you’ll
let me trade them off, as the collectors do.”

_He_: “No; keep them all!  I couldn’t think of letting any one else have
them.  One more!”

_She_: “No; it’s quite enough!”

_She_ frees herself, and retires beyond the table.  “This unexpected
affection”—

_He_: “_Is_ it unexpected—seriously?”

_She_: “What do you mean?”

_He_: “Oh, nothing!”

_She_: “Yes, tell me!”

_He_: “I hoped—I thought—perhaps—that you might have been prepared for
some such demonstration on my part.”

_She_: “And why did you think—hope—perhaps—_that_, Mr. Ransom, may I
ask?”

_He_: “If I hadn’t, how should I have dared to speak?”

_She_: “Dared?  You were obliged to speak!  Well, since it’s all over, I
don’t mind saying that I _did_ have some slight apprehensions that
something in the way of a declaration might be extorted from you.”

_He_: “Extorted?  Oh!”  He makes an impassioned rush toward her.

_She_, keeping the table between them: “No, no.”

_He_: “Oh, I merely wished to ask why you chose to make me suffer so,
after I had come to the point.”

_She_: “Ask it across the table, then.”  After a moment’s reflection, “I
made you suffer—I made you suffer—so that you might have a realizing
sense of what you had made _me_ suffer.”

_He_, enraptured by this confession: “Oh, you angel!”

_She_, with tender magnanimity: “No; only a woman—a poor, trusting,
foolish woman!”  She permits him to surround the table, with imaginable
results.  Then, with her head on his shoulder: “You’ll _never_ let me
regret it, will you, darling?  You’ll never oblige me to punish you
again, dearest, will you?  Oh, it hurt _me_ far worse to _see_ your pain
than it did you to—to—feel it!”  On the other side of the partition, _Mr.
Grinnidge’s_ pipe falls from his lips, parted in slumber, and shivers to
atoms on the register.  “Oh!”  _She_ flies at the register with a shriek
of dismay, and is about to close it.  “That wretch has been listening,
and has heard every word!”

_He_, preventing her: “What wretch?  Where?”

_She_: “Don’t you hear him, mumbling and grumbling there?”

_Grinnidge_: “Well, I swear!  Cash value of twenty-five dollars, and
untold toil in coloring it!”

_Ransom_, listening with an air of mystification: “Who’s that?”

_She_: “Gummidge, Grimmidge—whatever you called him.  Oh!”  _She_ arrests
herself in consternation.  “Now I _have_ done it!”

_He_: “Done what?”

_She_: “Oh—nothing!”

_He_: “I don’t understand.  Do you mean to say that my friend Grinnidge’s
room is on the other aide of the wall, and that you can hear him talk
through the register?”  _She_ preserves the silence of abject terror.  He
stoops over the register, and calls down it.  “Grinnidge!  Hallo!”

_Grinnidge_: “Hallo, yourself!”

_Ransom_, to _Miss Reed_: “Sounds like the ghostly squeak of the
phonograph.”  To _Grinnidge_: “What’s the trouble?”

_Grinnidge_: “Smashed my pipe.  Dozed off and let it drop on this
infernal register.”

_Ransom_, turning from the register with impressive deliberation: “Miss
Reed, may I ask _how_ you came to know that his name was Gummidge, or
Grimmidge, or whatever I called him?”

_She_: “Oh, dearest, I _can’t_ tell you!  Or—yes, I had better.”
Impulsively: “I will judge you by myself.  _I_ could forgive _you_
anything!”

_He_, doubtfully: “Oh, could you?”

_She_: “Everything!  I had—I had better make a clean breast of it.  Yes,
I had.  Though I don’t like to.  I—I listened!”

_He_: “Listened?”

_She_: “Through the register to—to—what—you—were saying before you—came
in here.”  Her head droops.

_He_: “Then you heard everything?”

_She_: “Kill me, but don’t look _so_ at me!  It was accidental at
first—indeed it was; and then I recognized your voice; and then I knew
you were talking about me; and I had so much at stake; and I did love you
so dearly!  You _will_ forgive me, darling?  It wasn’t as if I were
listening with any bad motive.”

_He_, taking her in his arms: “Forgive you?  Of course I do.  But you
must change this room at once, Ethel; you see you hear everything on the
other side, too.”

_She_: “Oh, not if you whisper on this.  You couldn’t hear _us_?”  At a
dubious expression of his: “You _didn’t_ hear us?  If you did, I can
never forgive you!”

_He_: “It was accidental at first—indeed it was; and then I recognized
your voice; and then I knew you were talking about me; and I had so much
at stake; and I did love you so dearly!”

_She_: “All that has nothing whatever to do with it.  How much did you
hear?”

_He_, with exemplary meekness: “Only what you were saying before
Grinnidge came in.  You didn’t whisper then.  I had to wait there for him
while”—

_She_: “While you were giving your good resolutions a rest?”

_He_: “While I was giving my good resolutions a rest.”

_She_: “And that accounts for your determination to humble yourself so?”

_He_: “It seemed perfectly providential that I should have known just
what conditions you were going to exact of me.”

_She_: “Oh, don’t make light of it!  I can tell you it’s a very serious
matter.”

_He_: “It was very serious for me when you didn’t meet my self-abasement
as you had led me to expect you would.”

_She_: “Don’t make fun!  I’m trying to think whether I can forgive you.”

_He_, with insinuation: “Don’t you believe you could think better if you
put your head on my shoulder?”

_She_: “Nonsense!  Then I should forgive you without thinking.”  After a
season of reflection: “No, I _can’t_ forgive you.  I never could forgive
eavesdropping.  It’s _too_ low.”

_He_, in astonishment: “Why, you did it yourself!”

_She_: “But you began it.  Besides, it’s very different for a man.  Women
are weak, poor, helpless creatures.  They have to use finesse.  But a man
should be above it.”

_He_: “You said you could forgive me anything.”

_She_: “Ah, but I didn’t know what you’d been doing!”

_He_, with pensive resignation, and a feint of going: “Then I suppose
it’s all over between us.”

_She_, relenting: “If you could think of any reason _why_ I should
forgive you”—

_He_: “I can’t.”

_She_, after consideration: “Do you suppose Mr. Grumage, or Grimidge,
heard too?”

_He_: “No; Grinnidge is a very high-principled fellow, and wouldn’t
listen; besides, he wasn’t there, you know.”

_She_: “Well, then, I will forgive you on these grounds.”  _He_ instantly
catches her to his heart.  “But these alone, remember.”

_He_, rapturously: “Oh, on any!”

_She_, tenderly: “And you’ll always be devoted?  And nice?  And not try
to provoke me?  Or neglect me?  Or anything?”

_He_: “Always!  Never!”

_She_: “Oh, you dear, sweet, simple old thing—how I _do_ love you!”

_Grinnidge_, who has been listening attentively to every word at the
register at his side: “Ransom, if you don’t want me to go stark mad,
_shut the register_!”

_Ransom_, about to comply: “Oh, poor old man!  I forgot it was open!”

_Miss Reed_, preventing him: “No!  If he has been vile enough to listen
at a register, let him suffer.  Come, sit down here, and I’ll tell you
just when I began to care for you.  It was long before the cow.  Do you
remember that first morning after you arrived”—_She_ drags him close to
the register, so that every word may tell upon the envious Grinnidge, on
whose manifestations of acute despair, a rapid curtain descends.




***