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                  THE LIFE OF A CELEBRATED BUCCANEER

    _A PAGE OF PAST HISTORY FOR THE USE OF THE CHILDREN OF TO-DAY_

                          BY RICHARD CLYNTON


    LONDON
    SWAN SONNENSCHEIN & CO.
    PATERNOSTER SQUARE.

    1889




LIFE OF A CELEBRATED BUCCANEER.




CHAPTER I.


Once upon a time there lived on an island, separated from the main land
of Europe by a silver streak of the ocean, a celebrated Buccaneer.

There was a rugged grandeur about the rock-bound coast of this island,
with its bluff, bold headlands and beetling cliffs, where the sea birds
loved to make their nests high up above the spray; mingling their cries
with the voice of the ocean as it rushed into its wide and deep throated
caverns. The waves, too, worked ever, and for ever, a broad fretwork
collar round these rocky shores. Unlucky was the ship that found this
island on her lee in a gale of wind. Many a child had been made
fatherless there, and many a wife a widow. But to those who knew how to
thread their way through the many channels, numerous bays, creeks, and
rivers, offered a safe retreat either from the storm or from an enemy.

This island was a fit home for one following the profession of a
Buccaneer. Its natural advantages were extremely great; for not only was
it difficult of access, but its innumerable big throated caverns opened
their wide jaws ready to receive anything that floated in from the
ocean. However, this bold pirate did such a good business, that in a
short time these caves became too small, so he had to build wharves and
warehouses to hold his plunder; for he lived in such an age, and was
surrounded by such unprincipled people, that he could not leave his
things lying about on the shore. Besides which, the climate was not
good, being frequently visited by fogs, gales of wind, and very heavy
rains.

Soon villages rose up; then towns, which in their turn grew into great
cities, the principal of which were generally planted by the side of
some one of his many rivers. Soon the bays and rivers became crowded
with ships, and the shores were busy scenes of industry. Cargoes were
being landed. Sails were being made and repaired; ropes overhauled and
restranded, and the smell of the pitch caldrons rose up and mingled with
the salt air blown in fresh from the sea. Shipwrights' hammers resounded
along the shores, and were echoed back by the beetling cliffs. While the
men worked, the women sang, and the chubby-faced, fair-haired children
played about on the beach.

To those who ask how our bold Buccaneer acquired most of his property,
it must be answered that it came to him in a manner usual in those
times. Everybody laid their hands upon what they could, and then devoted
all their spare time and energy to the keeping of it. Title deeds were
for the most part written in blood, with a sharp-pointed one-nibbed
steel pen. When we live in Rome we must do as the Romans do, and we must
not set up to be better than our neighbours, that is, if we wish to
prosper, and when all the world is going in for universal plunder it
does not pay to stand on one side, with hands idle, arms folded, and
eyes upturned to heaven, saying that people are wicked. Needs must when
the devil drives.

It has been a time-honoured custom to rob and kill, so that riches may
be laid up; then it becomes the duty of all to watch lest the thief
breaks through and steals. This primitive method of doing business is
now justly condemned, and all nations pay at least a tribute to virtue,
by flinging a cloth over any shady action. But nations even now have to
maintain their dignity. Insults have to be resented, and ambitious
designs have to be frustrated. Battles are fought, and people are
slaughtered, and some one, as the saying is, has to pay the piper.

It would almost seem, by a contemplation of things in general, that man
by nature is a robber, the action changing its colour according to the
atmosphere that people have to live in. In barbarous ages the act of
plunder is done openly, and a fellow-creature is sent about his
business, either with a broken head or with a spear through his body,
and there is an end to him, and perhaps the world is not much the
poorer. That honesty is the best policy is, by experience, forced upon
us; but even now, in our most enlightened age, the individual will at
times adulterate his liquor, sand his sugar, and sell short weight,
though he may try to sanctify the deed by saying his prayers before and
after; thus adding somewhat to the general stock of humbugs, hypocrites,
and Pharisees. But to our story.

It was a noble sight to see this bold Buccaneer getting under weigh with
his fleet of ships. Clack, clack went the windlasses, and his brave lads
could be heard singing as they lifted their anchors a peak--

    Merrily round our capstans go
      As we heave in the slack of our chain,
    Into our sails the north winds blow
      As we bear away from the main.
        Yo ho, my lads, heave ho!

Home went the sheets. Up went the yards, and the sails bellied out to
the wind. On the shores crowded the women and children. The little ones
with shock heads of curly hair, the sport of the breeze, crying after
their fathers, holding up their tearful little faces for the sea-breeze
to kiss. The wives wishing their brave lads a prosperous voyage, and a
safe return, with plenty of plunder. Silks and spices from the East, and
gold and silver from the West, or wherever they could find it. Away went
the ships, with their white canvas spread like the wings of a seagull.
Soon the hulls were down, and the white specks, after lingering for a
while upon the far-off horizon, sank beneath and vanished. Then sending
a sigh after their mates on the wings of the north wind, the women
returned to their homes and sang their young sea whelps to sleep, with
lullabies tuned to the daring deeds of their fathers.




CHAPTER II.


Things in this world do not remain shady long. Time works wonders and
throws the halo of romance over the darkest deeds. See what time and
romance have done for William Tell. Look at your Alexander and your
Frederick; are not they both called great? Ah! these two were conquerors
not plunderers; and there lies the difference, though perhaps Maria
Theresa and one or two others might have had something to say against
one of these fine fellows. Then there is Robin Hood. Have not time and
romance completely changed the aspect of that, at one time, bold and
notorious outlaw? For over fifty years did this jolly robber enjoy
himself upon other people's property. Look too at the numerous other
gentlemen of the road; your crusaders and adventurers in early times.
What were the hardy Norsemen, of whom we love to sing? There is
something very attractive about your robber, no matter whether he
carries on his profession by sea or land, the only thing needful being,
to study him at a distance, and through the halo of this said romance.
If it were not for the world's great robbers what would historians have
to record; what would poets have to sing about? If they had to confine
themselves to the virtuous actions, to the good that is done, their
occupation would be gone. The chronicling of small beer is a waste of
labour.

But there comes a time when the very worst of sinners are troubled by
that mysterious part of the human economy known by the name of
conscience. This conscience is at times a veritable tyrant, saying what
we shall eat, what we shall drink, and what we shall do. To the many the
matter is not one of difficulty. If they have to make their way in the
world, conscience is either thrown overboard, or put under hatches until
such times as it is wanted. Then it comes up all the fresher for its
temporary retirement, and is, generally speaking, very exacting.

The disposition to repent of the evil we have done is not confined
either to age, time, or sex happily. The call comes perhaps, more often,
and earlier, to women than it does to men. Jezebel was not altogether as
good as she ought to have been, but even she might have turned over a
new leaf, and have become a most respectable saint, had not misfortune
thrown her across the path of that impetuous fellow Jehu, with the
result that she was, as every one knows, thrown out of a window. Had
Jezebel lived in the Buccaneer island in his later days, and had she
been young and beautiful, and the paint not too thick upon her face, she
might have been tried for some small act of indiscretion, such for
instance as that trifling incident about Naboth; but probably she would
have been acquitted, when no doubt she would have left the court without
a stain upon her character, and would have been an object of sympathy
ever after. This lady has left a numerous family of daughters behind
her, many of whom, however, turn over new leaves, and having been
considerable sinners, become the most straight-laced, unpitying, and
uncharitable of sour-faced saints. Poor Jezebel the first was never
given a chance. She lived too soon.

But to the point. The time came when our bold Buccaneer received, as the
saying is, his call, and it was brought about in the following manner.
In early times when saints walked about the earth calling sinners to
repentance, one found his way over to the Buccaneer's island, induced to
go there, not by the hope of any worldly gain in the shape of church
preferment or salary; and here lies much of the difference between a
modern saint and an ancient one. But the one, of whom we wish now
particularly to speak, was impelled by the hope of snatching this
burning brand from the devil's fire. Some of the Buccaneer's neighbours
had tried to convert him before this, by means of the sword, but without
effect, for the pirate's nest was a hard one to take, and the eggs burnt
the fingers of all those who attempted to touch them.

The precise spot where the saint landed is open to doubt; so is the
exact time and the method of his transit. Some declared that he came
over on a broomstick. Others again, said he used the ordinary means of
conveyance, and this is the most worthy of credence. About saints there
is generally something that is legendary. He preached his gospel to the
Buccaneer, and told him in the plainest language that he was going to
the devil, about whose dominion he drew such a glowing account that the
Buccaneer was moved.

He repented, and determined to turn over that wonderful leaf, that the
world is for ever hearing so much about, and seeing so little of. To
show his earnestness, the Buccaneer built churches and endowed them, and
not unfrequently out of the money that he took from other people. This
was but right. Belfries rose up in every nook and corner, and their iron
tongues could be constantly heard calling all pious buccaneers to
prayer.

But that befell the saint which sooner or later must happen to us all.
He died, but left behind him a book, which he told the Buccaneer was to
be his rule in life, for between its covers there lay the seed of all
that was good, and the gentle spirit of one, who though dead would live
for ever. The precious gift was handed over to the safe custody of the
Buccaneer's church, and the old saint with much sorrow and ceremony was
laid in his narrow cell, to await there the sound of the last trump.




CHAPTER III.


The days of mourning were barely over when difficulties arose. The faith
left behind by the old saint was extremely good, and even beautiful, but
it was not at all adapted to one who occasionally robbed a neighbour's
hen-roost. Indeed, it was not at all fitted for one who followed the
profession of a bold Buccaneer. It was a trifle hard to sell all that he
had and give it to the poor, who might be a lazy lot of skulking
rascals. Then who could expect to get on in this world, if, when one
cheek was struck he turned the other? Beautiful, yes, but not practical.
If our fighting Buccaneer did this sort of thing, every daw from the
mainland would invade the nest of the eagle, and peck him to death, and
suck his eggs.

Then the command not to lay up riches upon earth; and to live in peace
and charity with all men. This was all very well, but then when you are
surrounded by a lot of people, who will not live up to these fine
sentiments, what is a poor fellow to do?

The Buccaneer had a coxswain, who was his right-hand man, and whose name
was Jack Commonsense. He took him into his confidence. Old Jack
scratched his head, which was a sure sign that he was in trouble, and he
told his master that he did not see any way out of the difficulty, for,
if they sailed by the instruction as laid down in the Book the saint had
left behind, they had better give up the buccaneering business at once,
and try something else. The end of the matter was, that it was handed
over to the Buccaneer's Church to settle, for, as he said in his quaint
sea-faring language, it's no use keeping a dog if you have to bark
yourself. To his clergy he deputed the by no means easy task of shaping
a course in accordance with his book, the Bible, and at the same time
not altogether antagonistic to his worldly interests. In fact, some kind
of a compromise had to be made.

Obedient to the command of their earthly master, the most learned of the
Buccaneer's divines assembled together in solemn conclave, and having
opened the proceedings with prayer, they fell to arguing upon the grave
questions before them. The Scriptures were searched, and very much
learning and piety were displayed, and very much heat, with a little
temper, was introduced; but there seemed to be little probability of
their coming to a satisfactory conclusion. Some said the word must be
adhered to, others said that the word killed, and that it was the spirit
that must be taken into consideration.

After very much argument, which at times cleft asunder the matter in
dispute, thereby forming schism and even sects, a satisfactory
conclusion was arrived at, and the foundation was laid of an edifice,
which in time was to grow into most beautiful proportions. The
foundation rested upon the Book, and the corner stones were those which
Christ had laid in Galilee. The superstructure was built to a large
extent by human hands, and of earthly material. Still it was a noble
edifice, and thus the Buccaneer had manufactured for him a good everyday
religion, somewhat worldly perhaps, but eminently suited to his mode of
life.

There were slight incongruities, but it mattered little to the subject
of our history, and we may presume that he did not see them; or if he
did he did not notice them, which answers the same purpose. Such things
are at all times more apparent to other people than to those especially
interested. Besides, any little shortcomings on the part of the
Buccaneer were amply made amends for by his solicitude for the religious
welfare of others, whose eternal happiness seemed indeed to be more to
him than his own. Wherever he went he took with him his Bible, and as he
had not been able to swallow it wholesale himself, he soothed his
conscience by thrusting it down the throats of other people. If they
would not take it quietly, then he would help them over their difficulty
with the point of his sword. It was a principle of his that if people
would not go to Heaven, that they must be made to go there, and
accordingly he sent a good many to the other world very much against
their will, and very much before their time.

This bold Buccaneer was perhaps originally intended for a Mahommedan,
but being spoilt in the making he became an indifferent Christian. Tell
him this, and it would be wise to clear out at once, and make tracks for
the remotest part of the world.

As a matter of course he must follow the example of all other Christian
people, and enroll himself under the protection of some saint. Now,
whether it was by chance, or whether he was possessed with a grim kind
of humour, it would be impossible to say. Indeed, he may have had a
genuine admiration for the man. The fact remains that he chose as his
patron George of Capadocia, who seems to have done a very good business
in the way of bacon. It is at all times a difficult matter to form a
true estimate of a character far back in history; but it is probable
that the whole saintly calendar does not contain a more disreputable
blackguard than this self-same George; but he is now a saint "de mortuis
etc.;" the bold Buccaneer having now had a good serviceable religion
manufactured for him, and having also been fitted out with a good
elastic and easily worked conscience, he was himself again. Away the
merry rover went, cracking a head here and a crib there, and returning
home with whatever happened to fall in his way.




CHAPTER IV.


All the Buccaneer's neighbours had adopted some characteristic emblem or
device with an appropriate motto. No people, of any degree of
self-respect, can get on without such things. The device generally takes
the form of some beast or bird of prey--eagles and vultures being
greatly favoured. The bold Buccaneer with a characteristic modesty
adopted the lion as his emblem, and as his motto "God and my Right." It
is wonderful how he made both ends of his motto meet to his own great
advantage. These two principles seldom seemed to clash, and if they did,
he generally overcame the difficulty in a most satisfactory manner. This
perhaps was the effect of his having a good conscience.

Now the lion is a noble-looking animal. His appearance is ferocious,
while his roar is terrifying in the extreme. Those who have watched, and
studied his habits, say that in spite of all this, he is about as mean a
beast as ever stole a meal or entered upon an unequal fight, being ever
ready to rob and plunder the weaker inhabitants of the jungle. Of
course, the animal had his good points; all animals have, and, no doubt,
it was these that attracted the Buccaneer's attention. How delighted he
was when his lion's roar frightened any one of his neighbours! What
pleasure too it gave him when he put out his large paw and snatched a
handful of feathers out of any of their birds! But then what a terrible
screeching there was, and very often a fight.

Not to be behind his neighbour in anything, he created high sounding
titles, and honourable distinctions, to reward those of his sons who did
well in the buccaneering trade. Then to support the weight of their
newly acquired dignity, he either allowed them to levy blackmail on whom
they could, or he sent round the hat amongst his own people. This hat
was with him a cherished institution, and was used on all kinds of
occasions. It was hung up in all his churches, but taken down and sent
round after every service. Of such importance was it that it must be
deemed to be worthy at all times of a capital to begin with. For length
of titles he could not approach many of his neighbours, who frequently
found consolation for empty pockets, ruined castles, and extreme poverty
in a long string of names.

The bold Buccaneer grew in strength, in riches, and in righteousness
also. His family increased and multiplied as all good people's families
should; but still he fought, and for the most part conquered. This
proved to his own satisfaction that God was generally on his side. When
the enemy was handed over to him he despoiled him, thus following the
example set him by most other peoples and nations, in olden times and in
new. It is a good thing to pluck a beaten adversary well, lest he flies
again too soon, and sticks either his beak, or his claws into you. Do
not believe him if he says he will not do it. To his beaten foe the
Buccaneer was kind, for he gave to him spiritual consolation; giving his
Bible and selling him his strong and intoxicating drinks. He fully
believed that those who did not live up to the teaching of his book
would be eternally damned, though he did not at all times show a
disposition to live up to it himself, it being very much too
inconvenient to do so. There was occasionally such a difference between
his preaching, and his practice, that his neighbours wondered whether he
was a knave or a hypocrite, or a good honest gentleman who saw no
incongruity in his line of action.

Sometimes in his encounters with his enemies he came off second best, as
the saying is. Then there was nothing he was so sure of as that the
devil was fighting against him. It was his custom then to look about for
a scapegoat, and if he found one he sacrificed him to appease the Divine
anger. Then having bound up his broken head and dressed his wounds, he
took down his book, read a chapter or two, said his prayers, and then
waited until the Lord handed his enemy over to him. Then he quickly
wiped off old scores, adding or taking something, by way of interest.
Thus he became very much respected by all who knew him. As he
prospered, so did his church, for he was very generous as most sailors
are. Whatever the edifice was within, it was beautiful without, and had
a complete organisation. The High Priest, not Caiaphas, stood at the
head of all things, and he was the keeper of the Buccaneer's conscience.
It was the duty of the High Priest to keep all his subordinates in
order. This was a task which at times he could not perform, for the
members of the ecclesiastical body showed themselves to be true chips of
the Buccaneer block, and though essentially men of peace, they proved
themselves at times to be equally men of war. His priests being the
keepers of his conscience, frequently took upon themselves to lecture
him; not hesitating even to tell him of his transgressions. Having
brought the ardent old sinner upon his knees, and prescribed for him
prayers, mortifications, and fastings; having also bled him, they
cleaned and repaired his conscience and sent him on his way again. Thus
did the priesthood grow in power and in self-respect.

Comparisons, it is said, are odious; but they are necessary at times,
and if we compare our friend with any one of his neighbours, we find him
not a bit worse; he himself thinking, indeed, that he was infinitely
better. To exterminate the heathen, or to bring them over from their
evil ways, and to burn all heretics was at one time the pious object of
his life. The weak, too, had to be protected, and those who cannot take
care of themselves ought, at all times, to be extremely obliged to those
who will do it for them, and of course they must expect to pay. Then the
evil doer had to be punished and fined, and the pride of the arrogant
and haughty had to be humbled, and surplus populations had to be worked
off, and anybody undertaking these very disagreeable, though necessary
duties, is deserving of the thanks of those who have neither the taste,
nor the leisure for the occupation. There is nothing strange in all
this. Did not Moses sit upon the hilltop with Aaron on one side and Hur
on the other, and while these two held up his hands did he not look with
satisfaction upon Joshua discomfiting the Amalekites? and very well
Joshua seems to have done his work.

Who then will blame the Buccaneer? As in Joshua's day, so now such
things are necessary. And if the Buccaneer did burn a heretic or two,
what then? He was strictly impartial. To-day it was what was called a
Holy Roman that he fried, to-morrow he varied the bill of fare by
roasting a Protestant. That was in his early days.

Our Buccaneer was essentially a fighting man, and though the Book he
swore by preached peace on earth and good will towards men, his habit
was to mix himself up--in early times at least--in every pot-house brawl
that he could, and a cracked head was to him an honourable distinction.
He as often as not took the wrong side, and he was frequently found
fighting in very queer company; but to his honour it must be said that
the weakness of a neighbour, who was put upon, was more to him than any
abstract principle of right or wrong, and though he was not above
pitching into a fellow smaller than himself, he would not allow anyone
else to indulge in the luxury if he could help it.

The ill-natured--those who are for ever ready to find out spots and
blemishes in other people, to the utter neglect of their own, said all
kinds of things. Called him a hard fighting, hard drinking, and hard
swearing Christian. He did swear; it was a bad habit, no doubt; but then
his climate was enough to make any man swear, and drink into the
bargain. He had his failings, and he did not mind being told of them,
and he would sit patiently in church, whilst his priests thundered at
him from their many pulpits. He took it all in; said his prayers
devoutly, and when the inevitable Hat came round, he gave liberally.
Perhaps he experienced some slight regret on such occasions that some of
his wicked neighbours were not present to partake of the spiritual food
that was thus given freely. He felt sure it would have hit some of them
very hard. It might perhaps have made them mend their ways, though, as
it did not seem to have a permanent effect upon the Buccaneer himself,
there may be a doubt upon the subject. It is said that eels get
accustomed to skinning.

In passing it may be mentioned that his women--at least in early
times--were honest, virtuous, brave and true, and in every way fitting
mothers for a race of warriors. It may be presumed that they had their
faults. Indeed, some of his laws and customs would lead us to believe
that such was the case. For instance, it was laid down as a rule that no
husband should beat his wife with a stick of greater diameter than one
inch. There was very great humanity here. Scolds he sometimes ducked. If
that did not stop the rancour of their tongues he tried the effect of an
instrument called the "branks." This fitted over the head something like
a dog-muzzle, and was fastened behind with a padlock, while an iron
plate rested upon the tongue, and kept it quiet. This was found to be
effective.

Judging from our present high state of civilization when women are
allowed full liberty of speech, these early habits and customs of the
Buccaneer will not bear looking into. Occasionally in later times some
one of his sons, not conspicuous for chivalry, knocked down his wife, or
his mother-in-law, and then jumped upon her; but as a general rule his
manners were very much softened, and his women were treated with very
great indulgence. Perhaps those who suffered were deserving people. If,
in his ruder age, the women did not love their lords and masters, they
at least respected them, and this feeling in the long-run brings the
most happiness. In his latter days a deep suit of mourning, with much
crape, and a becoming widow's cap, often covered a joyous heart, and a
fresh campaign was commenced. But what is love? You have it; you have it
not. It is sometimes near, then again it is obscured by distance. It
wanders about like a sweet and gentle spirit above the earth; soaring
sometimes with outstretched wings to heaven. It seems brightest when
afar. Touch it, and it will shrink and fade like the delicate petals of
a flower. It often haunts a grave-yard and makes a home amongst the
tombs. You fly from it, and it follows; you turn and chase it and it
flies. What is love? It is a veritable Will o' the Wisp.




CHAPTER V.


Honour to whom honour is due. In speaking of the Buccaneer and in
briefly sketching his early life, it would not be right to pass by,
without some slight comment, a people who occupied an island situated
not many miles from his shores. They were called the Ojabberaways. They
came of a spirited and highly sensitive race. They were imaginative in
the extreme, quick of temper, and very prone to insult. The smallest
slight they would look upon as a grave injury. They were also a
quick-witted, clever, and merry people, and fighting was the joy of
their life. They were not total abstainers.

Somehow the Ojabberaways and the Buccaneer, though near neighbours, did
not get on very well together. This often happens, more especially
amongst relations, but the Ojabberaways would not admit that they were
of the same blood as the Buccaneer. They maintained that they came from
a far nobler stock. In fact, it would appear from what the people
themselves said, though history is silent upon the subject, that the
island was at one time inhabited by one or two kings, who left a progeny
sufficient to people the whole place, and that consequently, every
Ojabberaway had royal blood in his veins. No wonder then that they were
high-spirited and proud. Now they looked upon the bold Buccaneer as a
tyrant, whose chief aim in life was to tread under foot, and otherwise
insult them. Nothing would induce them to believe the contrary. They
sucked it in at their mother's breasts. The origin of their name is
wrapped in mystery, but it is probable that it had, in some way, a
connection with the chief produce of their country.

The Ojabberaways were not a united people. Though for the most part they
were inimical to the rule of the Buccaneer, and groaned under what they
considered the chain cast upon them by an alien and an oppressor, there
were many who were comfortable and even happy and contented under his
rule. Between these two sections of the Ojabberaways there was no love
lost. The wild Ojabberaways as they were sometimes called--of course
behind their backs--looked with peculiar hatred upon what were called
the loyal Ojabberaways. Speaking of the people generally it may be said,
that when you came across one who was a thorough gentleman, no finer
specimen of the class could be found in the world; but nature is not at
all times prodigal. There are some flowers that only bloom once in a
hundred years.

For the ordinary occupation of life the people had little or no taste,
and in his own country, if you found one Ojabberaway working, you would
always find two at least indulging in the luxury of looking on. And at
all times an Ojabberaway would give over any labour in which he might be
occupied, to follow a fellow-countryman to his grave, to whom in life he
would not have lent a single sixpence. This respect for the dead is
touching; but the Ojabberaways were a sentimental nation.

They were also a peculiarly constituted people, generous to a fault as
long as they had anything to give; but they, for the most part, lived
beyond their means, for a man with a thousand a year would generally
spend two, and this in time brought them into the usurer's hands and
into difficulties. Then some one had to suffer, and it was generally the
tenant of the land and the peasant. The usurer at all times drives a
hard bargain, and what bowels he has are not those of compassion. What
is in his bond he takes care to have. This gave an opening to the
agitator, and he took advantage of the state of things to stir up
strife.

Then the Ojabberaways had peculiarly formed eyes. To the outward
appearance just like other peoples; but inwardly quite differently
constructed. An object that would appear to an ordinary individual in
one light would impinge upon the retina of an Ojabberaway's eye in such
a manner as to distort some things and magnify others; but most of all a
grievance. On the other hand an obligation would appear as small as if
it were looked at through the wrong end of a telescope. They were
extremely romantic and were given occasionally to romancing. In fact, it
has been said by those who like to summarise and put a whole history
almost into a nutshell, that the lower orders of the Ojabberaways were
liars by nature and beggars by trade. Allowing for that exaggeration
which is common to all such sayings there is still a residuum of truth
left. Though brave at all times when out of their own country, in it
their courage generally took refuge behind a bank or a stone wall. Their
food was simple and their favourite drink was strong; so much so, that
when taken in too great quantities, it made them perfectly irresponsible
beings and extremely dangerous and disagreeable neighbours. Their women
were the most virtuous in the world and amongst the most lively, and the
men, though in their revenge they would have recourse to the assassin's
dagger, would never assail the chastity of a woman, who might walk from
one end of their island to the other without the slightest fear of
molestation.

The lower orders of this devil-me-care people were joyful in their rags.
They preferred dirt to cleanliness, and as has been already said, truth
with them was not a highly prized virtue, though if they did lie, they
did it more to please than deceive. The Ojabberaways had taken up
patriotism, and made it into a regular trade, and they had cultivated it
until it had become a most lucrative employment. But with all their
faults, and Heaven only knows they had many, one could not help liking
them. They had worked for the Buccaneer; they had fought for him, and
had helped him in many of his predatory excursions, and they were
inclined, at the time of which we are speaking, like many another
people, to do a little robbing on their own account; but it must be
owned that they were a regular thorn in the Buccaneer's side, and the
thorn was working deeper, and deeper, into his flesh every day he lived.
It must also be owned that in time past he had not treated them
over-well, and retribution was galloping after him in hot haste.




CHAPTER VI.


What am I? I am a whitened sepulchre; a cloak which covers a multitude
of sins. Who am I? I am a masquerader, a thorough hypocrite and a
Pharisee, for I am a worshipper of forms and ceremonies. I move in the
very best society. I am a stickler for social laws and etiquette, and I
love a lord. I am the guardian of public morals, and in all my dealings
I exercise a strict propriety, and I punish severely, not so much the
crime, as its detection. At church I am regularly to be seen; but I
worship more in public than in private, my devotion being more to
attract the attention of my fellow beings than for the sake of God. If I
pray, it is openly. If I give, it is before the eyes of all men. It is
not so much to me what I am as what I appear to be. On my way home from
church I put on a demure, and downcast look, and enjoy in secret my
worldly thoughts. I contemplate with inward pleasure, though I outwardly
condemn, the shortcomings and failings of my neighbours. I put a check
on honest, robust mirth, for its loud, and consequently vulgar laugh
offends me. I keep aloof from all questionable society. A poor relation
I never see, should he present himself at my door, I promptly have him
kicked into the gutter. I dread the touch of an impure hand; but when in
the society of the great I sometimes condescend to visit the slums of
the poor, though the atmosphere is not congenial to me. An erring sister
I pass by as the priest and Levite did the man who fell amongst thieves.
I am a social tyrant, more feared perhaps than loved, though few are so
independent as not to pay me homage. To the indiscretions of the great I
am a little blind, for the vices of the vulgar crowd I show no pity. The
nakedness of the fashionable world does not distress me; but immodesty
amongst the common herd I visit with my severest displeasure. I keep my
eye on all my neighbours; should any of them trip, unless they are saved
by their position I let slip my dogs and hound the miscreants outside my
social pale. I ride rough shod over society, and no one dares to turn
upon me. Who am I? I am society's uncrowned queen, Respectability.

It would be difficult to say at what precise period this uncrowned queen
took up her abode under the roof of the bold Buccaneer; but she did, and
winked at his goings on; because she looked upon him not as a robber,
but as a brave sea-king, who went in quest of venture, and was far
removed from the common and vulgar thief. There are other reasons which
perhaps induced her to take him under her protection. The Buccaneering
business was beginning to fall off, probably because other people had
taken to it more thoroughly, and it is well known that competition
interferes considerably with the very best of trades and professions. It
is possible also that our friend having made a large fortune, was
beginning to see the truth of the maxim, that honesty is the best
policy. Property does undoubtedly alter ideas; take the most rabid
socialist, who is for ever preaching a community of interests and endow
him with a fortune, and the burden of his song is speedily changed and
in a most wonderful manner. Before it was, "_I take_," but now it is,
"_I hold_."

The Buccaneer's wealth had steadily increased, and so had his towns and
cities. The hum from a busy multitude rose up like the murmur of the
distant ocean as it dashed against the rock-bound coast. On his rivers
and bays he had built dockyards, and his shipwrights' hammers could be
heard sounding over the waters far and wide. His ships became celebrated
for their build and rig, and his sailors were considered not only the
bravest, but the most skilled in all the world.

He was a man of great resource and enterprise, was our Buccaneer, and
when he found the one business falling off he at once turned his hand to
another. If no one wanted either beating or robbing, they wanted their
merchandise carried, so he became a carrier to the universe at large,
and combined with it the business of trader. One thing begets another,
and he soon found out other industries. Tall, tapering chimnies pointed
like great black fingers far into the sky and vomited out thick volumes
of black smoke. Then he built mills, and put up machinery, and the
rattle of thousands of wheels could be heard all over the land, and the
uncrowned queen moved about amongst his people and leavened them. But
even in his peaceful pursuits the natural bent of his genius discovered
itself, for he would frequently, for the want of a more worthy object,
steal an idea from a neighbour and then set himself to work to improve
upon it, and he generally turned it to good account. The Buccaneer's
mind was not inventive, but it was eminently adaptive, and this is very
much better, because it generally manages to suck the marrow out of the
bones of genius.

Having been the greatest Buccaneer that ever ploughed the briny ocean,
he now became a mighty trader--a fighting one perhaps;--fetched and
carried for the whole world, and became in fact a universal provider. He
often built and fitted out a ship for some neighbour who turned her guns
against him; but he did not mind so long as he got his price, and he not
unfrequently got the ship back into the bargain in fair and open fight.
So things went merrily on.

As is well known success breeds envy and jealousy, and the Buccaneer's
neighbours soon began to eye his superior good fortune with hatred and
much uncharitableness. They said all kinds of hard things, as people
will. Said his gains were ill gotten. But who will ever believe that
vast wealth has been honestly acquired? Somebody must have been robbed
say they. But if it is only a fool what matter? He and his money must
sooner or later part company. At least, so it is said by those people
who know everything.

The Buccaneer, of course, put his prosperity down to a different cause.
He was a God-fearing and good man. Went to his church regularly; gave of
what he had to the poor; and sheltered himself under the cloaks of
Respectability and Religion. It is true he could not altogether divest
himself of his buccaneering tendencies, and on one occasion he even
robbed a church, which is considered about the last thing a man ought to
do; but then if he did rob Peter he made ample amends by paying Paul
very handsomely. That the Buccaneer was innately a most pious man there
can be little if any doubt; he had none himself. He loved to carry his
religion with him into his everyday life, and even into his business,
and in this perhaps we see the reason why he selected George of
Cappadocia as his patron saint. He loved to adulterate, as it were, all
his merchandise with it, and he succeeded in a marvellous manner. He was
very fond of texts taken from his Book, and these he would hang up in
all suitable and unsuitable places. He regulated his trading
transactions with his neighbours upon the principle laid down in the
parable of the talents, and he took for his especial guide the man who
turned his five pieces into ten; for he considered he must have been an
excellent man of business; a clever fellow in fact, and one well worthy
to be followed. No doubt the parable above alluded to has carried
comfort to the soul of many a Jew, Turk, and even infidel. Trade is at
all times, and in all places, and by all people, considered for some
reason or the other dirty work, and yet it is the founder of great
families, who, however, try as soon as possible, to blot out all
recollection of the source of their greatness. Trade, too, is the
founder and supporter of great nations. Why then is there such a
prejudice against it? Is it not honest? Is its first principle, namely,
to try and get the better of your neighbour in a bargain, condemned by a
virtuous world? Scarcely, for to do your neighbour, to prevent the
possibility of being done by him, seems to be implanted firmly in the
human breast. It is a principle, in fact, which is well adhered to, and
it helps considerably that law of nature which demands the survival of
the fittest. Perhaps it was as a precautionary measure that the
Buccaneer besprinkled himself, as it were, with holy water, before
entering upon his everyday life.




CHAPTER VII.


It is said by the wiseacres of the world that you should always set a
thief to catch a thief. Whether it was from a belief in this principle
of nature, or whether it was from an innate liking for the business it
would be difficult to say; but it is a fact that the Buccaneer made
himself for some considerable time a policeman, to keep order amongst
his neighbours, and prevent the strong from robbing and setting upon the
weak. Oh! the trouble the man had! Big fellows pitching into little
ones, to get either their marbles or apples! Then he not only had to
keep his neighbours from robbing each other, but he had to keep them off
his own property; for had they dared they would have stripped him as
naked as the desert is of vegetation. The rascals!

During the time that the Buccaneer was thus doing policeman's duty he
was generally pretty well employed, for there was always a row on
somewhere; either some hen-roost being robbed, or some pot-house brawl
to be quelled, so that all things considered he was not doing a good
business. Indeed, he was getting for his trouble little more than hard
blows, more kicks than half-pence, in fact.

After a while he determined to give the policeman's duty up; finding no
doubt that it did not pay; and he was very much too sensible to conduct
business upon such terms for any length of time. So he allowed people to
mind their own business as far as they could, while he paid more
attention to his own. Of course this state of things was not brought
about all at once, for the force of custom is great, and for the life of
him, the Buccaneer could not refrain from having an occasional finger in
the pie.

The Buccaneer now doffed his pirate's dress, which, though picturesque,
was not altogether respectable. People will have prejudices, and if
they see a man constantly going about with a brace of pistols in his
belt, and a cutlass by his side, they will think that that man is up to
no good; so he hung these weapons up, quite handy, for there was no
knowing when he might want them to keep off robbers either by sea or
land.

But, gentle reader, do not for a moment imagine that the old man was
dead--not a bit of of it. Beneath the peaceful dress he now assumed
there still beat the old heart. You may cover the lion with the skin of
an ass but you cannot change the nature of the beast. Our friend was as
ready as ever to tread upon his neighbours' toes, and to fight with
anybody who trod upon his. Then the peaceful stillness of his shores
would be broken by the clack, clack of his many windlasses, and the "yo
heave-ho" of his merry men. Up would go his sails, out would go his
guns, poking their black, angry-looking snouts through the port-holes,
as if they sniffed the enemy in the offing. Away went the Buccaneer for
the main. His priests prayed; his merry seamen swore, and his women and
children cried, as it was their duty to do, upon all such important and
interesting occasions.




CHAPTER VIII.


It was the boast of our Buccaneer that he never turned his back upon
either friend or enemy, but in this perhaps he romanced a little, as the
very best and bravest of men will. The accusation was certainly brought
against him in after years. In dwelling upon our own actions a little
latitude is always allowed, and the disposition to boast a little must
be considered to be a pardonable weakness. Indeed, why should we detract
from ourselves when there are so many kind friends and bitter enemies
ever ready to render us the service and all for nothing?

He did love to dwell upon his past actions, many of which were glorious,
and over his pipe and his glass he would spin many a yarn, and he would
declare that there was no nobler sight than a good sea-fight, no finer
music than the clash of arms, no finer scent than that which came from
the muzzle of a freshly discharged gun. All this is, of course, merely a
matter of opinion.

If his sons were successful, he rewarded them well, if otherwise they
frequently had to play the part of the scapegoat, and were driven out
into the wilderness of neglect. He worshipped success and there is
nothing like it. It changes the aspect of the blackest deed, and under
its mellowing influence rank rebellion, it is well known, comes out
oftentimes, if not always, in the pure and beautiful light of
patriotism.

It has been mentioned that our bold Buccaneer had engendered a certain
amount of jealousy amongst his neighbours, who were for ever calling him
hard names, and always retained the privilege of adding to the number.
Such things do not break bones or otherwise injure people, more
especially if nature has endowed them with good, thick, serviceable
skins, and in this respect she had been considerate to the subject of
our history. A good thick skin is, in this world, a tower of strength,
from the top of which the fortunate ones can defy ill-nature. At times,
however, a shaft did pierce through some soft and indifferently guarded
spot in the Buccaneer's armour. He had fought many a good fight both by
sea and land, and against long odds, and he could not bear to think,
that there should be a suspicion even, that he was a bully ever ready to
pitch into one smaller than himself.

There is something very offensive about the above term. Schoolboys are
for ever requesting their fellows to pitch into boys their own size and
calling them bullies if they will not. But has not the bully been
somewhat put upon, misunderstood, and subjected to unjust obloquy? To
attack one your own size is a mistake and worthy only of the immortal
Don. As a rule for everyday life it would never do, and might be fraught
with injustice. All virtue does not lie on the side of the small boy,
who frequently by his self-sufficiency and conceit deserves a thrashing.
Oftentimes he presumes upon his smallness and makes himself as
disagreeable as a drowsy fly in cold weather. If a small boy be put upon
by one bigger than himself, he can in turn set upon his inferior, and
thus the chain of responsibility can be carried on "ad infinitum," and
in the end justice will be done to all.

We are all children of nature and she has established bullying as a
principle which is, by the aid of the microscope, to be detected from
the mite to the man. The small of each species which she wishes to
preserve, she guards and surrounds with especial attributes. The skunk
is not a large animal, and yet enemies and friends alike approach him
with extreme respect. Was there ever a nation yet, that was kept from
thrashing and robbing another on account of its size?

Does the bully never walk about in public offices, or in private
dwelling-houses? Is he never to be found on the domestic hearth? Ask the
humble swain of yonder fair-haired, blue-eyed, and angel-faced damsel,
if he knows what it is to be bullied? Ask the husband of many years
standing if he has ever experienced the feeling? All things have their
allotted functions to perform in this most complex world of ours, and no
doubt the bully is as necessary as many of those minute insects whose
presence is only known by the energy of their actions. So much for the
bully.

His neighbours also said he was a money-grubber; a mere tradesman, but
withal a proud and even prosperous man. That he could fight well had
been proved on many a battle-field. What then, if now, he made a goodly
income by means of trade? All love this money, yet so many pretend to
despise the means by which it is obtained. To march your thousand into
your neighbour's country; to lay waste his lands, to filch from him his
money, and to ravish, perhaps, his daughters, has ever been considered
more noble and honourable, than to sit quietly at home and allow the
gold to trickle into your coffers through the peaceful channels of
trade.

We have touched upon this subject with the tip only of our pen before,
for we fear pollution. The trader is looked upon askance. The uncrowned
queen of society turns up her dainty nose at him. The poor man knows it,
and as soon as he can hides all trace of his calling. Frequently enrols
himself in some civic guard and calls himself a colonel, and tries to
hide under his military plumes all signs of the desk and high stool.
Then as to our Buccaneer's pride. Such a thing is, no doubt, to be
condemned, but its next-of-kin, namely, self-respect, is very much to be
esteemed. The Buccaneer maintained that his pride amounted to this and
nothing more, and he gloried in it; took it with him everywhere, more
especially to his church. When he prayed he might humble himself before
his God, but as regards his fellow-man he must hold his head up and
claim that consideration which he considered his due. If you wished to
see pride fully displayed, there could be no better place than the
debatable ground of a church pew in the Buccaneer's island.

When his sons visited his neighbours or any parts called foreign, they
were perhaps a little haughty and had a good-natured contempt for the
people they found themselves amongst. But that they did not hail from
their own fair land was, however, more their misfortune than their
fault. Perhaps it is the vulgar ostentation that sometimes accompanies
the acquirement of great wealth that renders it so offensive to the less
fortunate.

Pride, no doubt, is not a Christian virtue, yet have I found no
Christian entirely without it. The Buccaneer's High Priest and other
great church dignitaries, were they humble? Yes, humble enough if you
paid them the respect they thought their due; if you approached the
ecclesiastical breeches and gaiters with modest diffidence. Did not
contradict them--not the breeches and gaiters, but the divine beings
inside them--or doubt the superiority of their learning, wisdom, and
virtue, or presume to make use of that intellect which God has given
you. Humble enough then; but your ordinary, and sometimes your
extraordinary priests cannot brook opposition. Admit also that our
Buccaneer was great, good, rich, generous, brave, and a few other things
barely worth the mentioning, and he was humble enough, heaven knows.
What he was almost entirely without, was that offensive pride which apes
humility.




CHAPTER IX.


In our preliminary remarks it is necessary to mention two individuals
who played a conspicuous part in the Buccaneer's realms.

We have already mentioned one honest sailor, the old coxs'n, Jack
Commonsense by name; but there were two women, not to say a third, who
also had a permanent abode in his island. The one was called Patriotism,
the other Liberty. The first of these was allowed to live for the most
part in neglect, and though at times she was made much of, her position
was little better than that of a beggar woman, to-day she would sit at
the table of the great, and be taken into their councils, to-morrow she
would be thrust aside, and occasionally thrown into prison. She was made
a shuttle-cock for the battledoor of Madam Party, who was the other
celebrity above alluded to, and who pretty well ruled the roast in the
Buccaneer's island. Everything had to give way to her, whilst except on
extraordinary occasions the beggar woman, Patriotism, was thought but
little of. Everybody swore they loved her; but men were deceivers ever,
if not liars.

With Liberty it was quite a different tale, she could do pretty well
what she liked, and had over our Buccaneer for good and for evil a
wonderful influence. At her instigation he allowed the island to be made
an asylum for rascals of every kind, who having been kicked out of their
own homes, came over and plotted, and sowed broadcast among his people
the most pernicious seeds, which bore their fruit in due time. Indeed,
Madam Liberty played the part of a veritable wanton, and flirted with
blackguards of the deepest dye. The consequence of this was, that one
fine day, she gave birth to a boy, named Demos, the father being King
Mob. This boy grew to be a most unruly fellow, and caused much trouble
wherever he went.

It is said that neither man nor beast can stand prosperity for any
length of time, the horse becomes restive, and occasionally kicks his
stall to pieces, or otherwise misbehaves himself. Even the ass; the
gentle and long-suffering ass, if too well fed, disturbs the whole
country round, braying out in his husky tones of repletion his
discontent at the very best of corn, when at one time he would have been
glad enough to fill his stomach with thistles. So it was with Madam
Liberty. It was through her that the Buccaneer first opened his doors to
a host of cheap-Jacks, and to merchants and pedlars from all parts of
the world, until in the streets of his principal sea-port towns and
chief city, could be seen a strange mixture of costumes and features.
Swarthy Orientals with their finely cut profiles, and proud bearing.
Broad-faced, oval-eyed Mongols, who always look half asleep, but are
generally found to be very wide awake. Flat-nosed, thick-lipped,
woolly-headed <DW64>s, and as a matter of course, the ubiquitous Jew was
well represented. The Jew is found everywhere, but stay, exception must
be made to the northern-most part of the Buccaneer's island. A Jew could
not live there, not on account of the severity of the climate, though
that was bad enough; but on account of the habits of the people. It is
said by some that the object of the Jew is to skin the Christian and the
Gentile, with the view of buying back Jerusalem, or, perhaps, the whole
of the Holy Land. Many wish that this laudable desire may be
accomplished, and that quickly. With all these different nationalities
it was a wonder that the Buccaneer retained his individuality, or even
kept his language from corruption, but he did, though a broken patter
often saluted the ears, while the signs of many different races were
stamped upon the faces of the people. There is a belief in the world
that mongrels and cross-breeds will not fight. This is a mistake. Our
Buccaneer was made up of ever so many nationalities, and yet he had
fought in his day well enough. Showing, indeed, an absolute love for the
fray. May not the very best blood, of the bluest kind, which flows
through the veins of some haughty descendant, have taken its rise in
some sturdy cur of low degree, who snapped and snarled himself to the
front?

It would be as well to mention that our bold Buccaneer had had a quarrel
in early times with one of his sons, who had emigrated and established
himself, after the fashion peculiar to his father, on a large and
fertile tract of land in the far west. This son, who was called
Jonathan, was a tall, lanky, raw boned fellow, with a good head upon his
shoulders and a strong will of his own. Modest diffidence had never been
a stumbling block in his way. As to whose fault the quarrel was, well,
some said it was entirely the old man's, but it is probable there was
much to be said on both sides, and that Jonathan was not altogether
blameless. At any rate blows were struck, and Jonathan handled his
father somewhat roughly, and so there was an estrangement, and a
separation, and Jonathan set up business for himself upon the old man's
lines; except perhaps he was not quite so religious, and a great deal
sharper.

Jonathan did wonderfully well. He had a keen eye for the main chance,
and at driving a bargain, or getting the better of a friend, he could
not be beaten. In this, to make use of an expression of his own, he
pretty well licked creation. In his early days, he was not altogether
scrupulous; but what he called sharp practice, other people might put
down as something approaching more closely to dishonesty. The proof of
the pudding is in the eating. Jonathan prospered, and cheating, it is
well known, never does, so he must have been an honest fellow. He loved
to do his old father; to get the better of him in a bargain, to get his
money out of him either by fair means or foul. Talk to him of honour and
he would laugh in your face at your squeamishness. He had many of the
eminent qualities of his parent, had Jonathan. He generally managed to
keep what he laid his hands upon, and as the saying is, he was not
altogether the man to drink with in the dark. By trade he was a packman,
or a cheap Jack.

Between Jonathan and the Ojabberaways there was a great friendship. The
former used to send over money to the latter to help them in their
campaign against the old gentleman. Then the Ojabberaways used to plot,
and make infernal machines in Jonathan's country, and come over to the
Buccaneer's island, where they frequently carried out their designs, and
occasionally used the knife into the bargain.




CHAPTER X.


The family of the Buccaneer in time increased to such an extent that it
began to overflow the narrow limits of his island home. His sons
therefore carried their zeal and energy and their manners and customs to
unknown countries. Under their hands forests disappeared, lands became
cultivated, and the aborigines changed their habits or cleared out. It
was no business of the young chips of this ancient block, that the soil
had already its owners, if not its tillers. If these people did not like
the new order of things, they had an alternative. Of course the young
chips would commit no act of flagrant injustice, for such would have
been against the teachings of their parent's Book, but it was generally
noticed that where they went they staid; and that they succeeded in the
long run in clearing the land of all rubbish, using for this purpose the
toes of their boots as well as their hands. Should the aborigines elect
to stay, they could; but then they were made clearly to understand that
they must live respectable lives. If they had anything to sell the
Buccaneers bought, putting upon the articles their own price, for it
could not be expected that the simple children of the soil could know
the value of things. They generally gave about half of what was asked,
and when the natives, to correct this, put on, to begin with, double the
price they intended to take, the Buccaneers were horrified at such
innate depravity, which could, as they thought, only come direct from
the devil himself. The antidote was their Book. This they immediately
presented to these vicious, ignorant, and immoral people, with many of
the pages turned down for reference.

Wherever the Buccaneer's sons went they always took a cargo of their
intoxicating drinks. These they sold to the gentle savage who showed his
readiness to be civilized by getting as drunk as he could, as often as
he could, thereby manifesting again his shocking depravity. The
Buccaneer at home, when he heard of all this, turned up his eyes to
heaven in pious horror, and immediately sent out a cargo of missionaries
to counteract the evil effects of his cargoes of drink. These good
people wrestled with the devil; prayed for the savages and preached to
them, gave them more Bibles and explained it to them; told them to fear
God; to shun the devil and all his works; begged them to give up their
wicked ways and to lead new lives; to be honest and just in all their
dealings; not to be extortionists; not to seek after riches, for that
heaven was for the poor. Begged them to do unto others as they would be
done by. In the meantime the Buccaneer's sons gave a practical
illustration of this beautiful doctrine by selling strong drink and
other merchandise at double and treble their value.

These missionaries were godly, self-sacrificing men, but their teachings
to the untutored mind must have sounded strange, supplemented as it was
by the actions of the Buccaneer's traders. Then again, they found that
rival sects, although they professed to follow the same great Master,
preached rival doctrines, and hated each other with a peculiar fervour.
At one time they painted God as the God of love, at another time they
implanted fear and horror in the heart by depicting Him as a revengeful
and malicious demon, full of the worst of human failings. They taught
these simple savages that life was a kind of tight rope, along which
they had to walk; holding in their hands the balancing pole of religion.
If they slipped, which likely as not they would, then there was God's
rival underneath ready with his net to catch them, and to throw them
into a fire that is never quenched.

It could not be expected that the ignorant savage would understand, all
at once, the many nice distinctions of modern civilization. No doubt it
must have seemed strange to him that the Buccaneer, in the face of what
he preached, seldom went away empty-handed--taking indeed at times a
goodly patch of land, just by way of recompense; for it was generally
found, that, wherever his sons placed their feet, some of the soil
always stuck to the soles of them.

Thus were the first seeds of civilization sown; but other and better
things were to follow. The nakedness of the savage had to be clothed,
and the long black coat and tall hat of respectability had to be
introduced. The result of all this was not far to find. It was a natural
consequence; for where the Buccaneer found simple human beings,
worshipping God after their own way, dark if you like, but at least
honest, he frequently left an accomplished lot of hypocrites, drunkards,
liars, thieves and rascals generally, who having cast off the few rags
of virtue which their own benighted religion had clothed them in, had
put on a garment made up of most of the vices of civilization, and only
stitched together with the thinnest threads of Christian virtues, which
threads were liable to snap at any time. Of course this was not the
fault of the Buccaneer's sons. It was entirely due to the wretched soil
they had to work upon; you cannot grow figs on thistles, nor can you
make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

What is civilization, do you ask? It is a veneer, sometimes thick and
sometimes thin, which is thrown over human nature by culture and what
not. From under this cloak the old Adam will from time to time peep out
and take a good look round. Did he not peep out to some purpose amongst
one of the Buccaneer's neighbours, and playing the part of Cain did he
not draw his knife, called the guillotine, across many a brother's
throat, kicking them unshriven into eternity? It is right to give every
one their due, and it must be owned that the Buccaneer's footsteps were
not always written in dust. He often found a people at war amongst
themselves, and tearing each other to pieces. These he brought under
subjection and gave them law and order, and if he could have kept his
sons from selling strong liquors to them, and teaching them some of the
pernicious principles of trade, he would have done very much good, but
with his Book he took his bottle, and the latter was more readily
received than the former.

It sometimes so happened that the ignorance of the heathen was so great,
and their minds so clouded by prejudice, that they misunderstood
altogether the nature of the missionary. Experience had taught them that
the Buccaneer's Bible was generally the harbinger of the Buccaneer's
sword, which he cleared the way for the Buccaneer's man of business,
who, it was found, generally got the advantage in any bargain that was
made. What wonder then, if the simple children of nature, the gentle
savage, mistook food that was meant for the mind, as food meant for the
body, and consumed the missionary instead of his teachings? This is an
expensive way of converting a people, but it might be expected that a
devoured missionary would not be without its effect upon the consumer.
The disposition is naturally affected by the state of the body, the
latter by the food that is taken in to nourish it. A violent fit of
indigestion might bring on a deep remorse, and then the body would be in
a proper state to receive the good seed, which taking root in the heart
of one man even, might spring up and spread amongst a whole people.
There is consolation here for those who have lost a friend or relation
in the above manner.

By the simple methods thus related the Buccaneer managed to get an
outlet for his surplus population, and he then increased his dominions,
until it was his boast that the sun never set upon them. There was not a
clime too inhospitable for him. He conquered not only the people but
every natural disadvantage. His sons too travelled into every land as
the bearers of the veneer called civilization. Their footprints could be
traced upon the desert sands of Arabia. The ring of their rifles was to
be heard in the remotest parts of India; on the wild prairies of
America, and on the untrodden plains of Africa. They loved to beard the
lion and the tiger in their native lairs; to shoot the alligator on the
banks of the Nile, and the wild goats high up on the <DW72>s of the vast
snow-capped Himalayas. This to them was a pleasurable recreation, while
for pastime they loved to climb the highest ice-bound peaks, and the
mangled corpse of some adventurous comrade lying at the foot of some
precipice in no way damped their ardour. They recovered the body, sang a
pean in praise of his temerity, gently placed him in the tomb of
oblivion, where so many good people lie, and then commenced their
dangerous climb. They were a brave and adventurous lot were the sons of
this bold Buccaneer.




CHAPTER XI.


Our Buccaneer from his earliest times had always kept his Sabbaths in a
manner peculiar to himself. He put on his best clothes and a long hat,
shut up all his shops but kept open his pot and public houses, and
allowed no other recreations than going to church and drinking. Six days
had his people to enjoy themselves and his tradesmen to adulterate their
different articles of merchandise, the seventh day he decreed should be
given up to worship and to pious meditations. All his museums were shut
up and all his picture galleries were closed, and his chief city would
have been like a city of the dead, if it had not been for the howling
mobs that occupied his parks, and other public places, and either
shouted sedition or spouted religion. Entire freedom of speech he
considered absolutely necessary to the entire freedom of the subject.
Many of his people who were not thus engaged passed their time in an
inoffensive manner in their favourite pot-house and boosed their holiday
away. This from a pecuniary point of view was very much more profitable
to the Buccaneer than the opening of any of his museums or libraries;
for from drink he derived a goodly income. It is sad, but it must be
owned that this rich man had his poor, and where there is poverty there
is discontent. The skirts of his garments did trail in the mud. The most
distressing thing about this Poverty is that she will bring forth and
increase, in an altogether unnecessary manner, thereby providing food
for the jail, the hangman, and in the end, the devil.

Some sinned in this respect who ought by example to have taught a better
lesson. It was no uncommon thing in the Buccaneer's island for one of
his priests to ascend the pulpit, and preach from there the efficacy,
and even necessity, of practising self denial. He would then descend
from his throne and point a moral to adorn his tale, by marrying and
bringing into the world a number of children that he had no visible
means of supporting; your priest's quiver is generally full, and he
seems at times to have a beautiful faith in God's mercy. Thinking,
perhaps, that as He fed the Israelites in the days of old, so would He
feed him and his numerous progeny now, with manna fresh from heaven.

It was said that our Buccaneer frequently forgot to look at home, and
raising his eyes over the heads of his own poor, fixed his sympathetic
gaze upon other people's. Perhaps he did experience a certain amount of
gratification at seeing his name at the head of subscription lists, when
any of his neighbours suffered from either fire, famine, or pestilence;
and to clothe the naked savage of the sunny south, where clothing,
except the smallest amount for decency's sake, is absolutely
unnecessary, seemed to be to him a more meritorous action than the
mending of the rags of his own poverty stricken people.

Then as if he had not enough poor of his own, all his neighbours paid a
flattering tribute to his good nature and generosity, by emptying their
human sweepings into his dust bin; until in time his island became--and
he prided himself upon the fact--an asylum for all the cut-throats,
thieves, blackguards, assassins and idiots of the whole world. Madam
Liberty had a good deal to say to this. But our Buccaneer, or fighting
trader as he had become, was generous even to his own poor in a
spasmodic kind of way, and when in his church he heard the oft told
story of Dives and Lazarus, it made him sympathetic and opened the
bowels of his compassion, and could he have laid hands upon that rascal
Dives he would have been made to suffer. This Dives does not appear,
however, to have been a monster of iniquity. The only sin he apparently
committed, was to fare sumptuously every day, and clothe himself in fine
linen. Who amongst us will not do the same if he has but the chance? Do
modern Christians live the life of anchorites? Does Dives never sit at
the priest's table? Did the Buccaneer's priesthood, from the head down,
eschew fine linen, and even at times gorgeous raiments? Do they turn
their faces against the luxury of the table on which delicacies
temptingly repose. Suppose the Buccaneer on his way home from his
devotions had found Lazarus on his door-step, would he have taken him
in? not a bit of it. He would have sent him quickly about his business,
and if he did not hurry himself the officer of the law would have been
called in and Lazarus would have been marched away as a rogue and
vagabond. Would the Buccaneer's high priest or any other of his
ecclesiastics have taken Lazarus in and washed his sores; tended to him,
and fed him? Yes, yes, but times have changed and the story of Lazarus
does very well as an example to hold up before the people for pious
admiration, but Lazarus' case does not apply to our present high state
of civilization, with all its complex social machinery for the benefit
of the poor. The proper place for Lazarus now would be the sick ward of
a poor house.

Having thus briefly sketched the early history of our Buccaneer or
fighting trader; his conversion, the manufacturing of his religion, and
the method he had of persuading the heathen to become Christians, it is
necessary to relate how he conducted his business. His old sea-faring
instincts stuck to him, and he moored on the river that flowed past his
principal city, a ship which he called the Ship of State, and by her
side he moored another, which he called his Church Ship, and these two
rode side by side and stemmed the current of time.

It could not be said that either of these ships were rapid sailers.
Indeed, both of them were somewhat bluff in the bows, but they were
excellent sea boats, and the old Ship of State had weathered many a
storm, and had experienced in her day much foul weather. Her figure-head
was a crown. Her crew all told numbered some six hundred and seventy
hands, and was divided into two watches, Starboard and Port, each having
its captain, lieutenants, petty officers, able and very ordinary seamen,
cooks, bottle-washers, swabbers, and adventurers. Of the latter there
were a goodly few in each watch, and they had but one star to steer by;
but that one was of the very first magnitude. These adventurers were a
very busy body of men, and by keeping up a great noise, and pushing
themselves to the front, they tried very hard to feather their nests, or
drop into some well-paid but sinecure office. They were frequently
successful.

In the after part of the Ship of State the Buccaneer had placed his
second or Upper Chamber, into which he sent all those of his sons who
had done well. Here they enjoyed in peace and extreme quiet their
well-earned repose. When thus shelved they were given titles, and were
frequently endowed out of the public purse. In early times some of the
members of the Upper Chamber had endowed themselves, but there were very
few of the old stock left. The principle that our Buccaneer had of
promoting his sons to the Upper Chamber was peculiar. It was not based
upon personal merit, nor at all times upon services rendered to the
State. Success in trade, or fidelity to a party, was generally
considered to be, by him, of the very first consideration.

The power that this Upper Chamber once had was extremely great, but now
all this had changed, and the old ship was worked entirely, or nearly
so, by whichever watch happened to be on duty. Besides, as will be
shown, the Upper Chamber had the misfortune to fall under the
displeasure of one of the ship's crew.

The Buccaneer dearly loved a lord, no matter whether he was spiritual or
temporal, and the women, with few exceptions, adored them without
distinction. There is perhaps too much obloquy bestowed upon the toady
and tuft hunter. Why should they be so despised? To love and revere the
great is surely a commendable action. Are they not the salt of the
earth? Sometimes, indeed, the salt has a little lost its flavour, but
what then? Much that is good must still remain, to which homage is due.
It is the birthright of those who, by their superior intelligence,
wisdom, and virtue, have placed themselves high up on pedestals, for
common humanity to bow down and worship them.

Who does not love a lord? This esteem for the great is universal. Even
the democratic cheap-Jack Jonathan dearly loved a lord; but as he had
none of his own he had to make the most he could out of other people's,
and he did. It was thought by many, that such a clever fellow as this
Jonathan would not be long without lords of his own; but that he would
manufacture a few out of the cheap shoddy that he always had on hand.

The Upper Chamber ought to have been extremely wise, and their councils
even inspired, for their deliberations were sanctified and leavened by
the presence amongst them of a certain number of Lords Spiritual. This
gave a sort of Divine authority to the great affairs of State. The
priest's kingdom is not of this world; it is therefore all the more
wonderful how in every age, and in every clime, he becomes clothed,
hemmed in, and perhaps hampered by temporal power, which no doubt he
wears as a garment of sackcloth and ashes.

The Church Hulk, which was moored on that side of the Ship of State away
from the shore, was commanded by the Buccaneer's High Priest, one
celebrated for his piety and learning. His crew was numerous and very
able, though at times a mutinous spirit showed itself on board when the
authority of the High Priest was openly defied; but then it must be
remembered that the church was a church militant, and the priests true
chips of the fighting old Buccaneer block. The power of the Buccaneer's
priesthood grew, and waxed in strength, and gained such an influence
over him that he was not allowed to do anything scarcely without their
sanction, and before he set out on any of his predatory expeditions he
always asked the blessing and the prayers of the church, and was very
seldom if ever refused. This practice is followed even now amongst
brigands, in certain parts. These picturesque cut-throats say their
prayers before their favourite shrine, and then sally out, slit a gullet
and steal a purse with a clear conscience, and take some of the spoil
back--if they be pious brigands--to their favourite shrine.

In time the Buccaneer's State Church became so extremely rich that
envious eyes were cast in her direction. Those on board of the old
Church Hulk denied her wealth, and they should have known. Some of her
crew were poor enough, heaven knows, and the Great Hat was constantly
sent round. The priest, he is by nature a beggar. It is perhaps one of
the few relics we have of that time, when a pure religion was planted by
a small band of mendicants, who had neither shoes upon their feet, nor
money in their scrips.

How beautiful is poverty at a distance. Songs have been sung in its
praise, but no one likes it. It pinches so, and in the Buccaneer's
island it was as the mark of Cain. There is something to be said on its
side though, for is it not written? "Happy are the poor, for theirs is
the kingdom of heaven." Twice happy are they, for not only is theirs the
kingdom of heaven, but they are free from the social parasite who never
leaves the rich man alone. One attacks him and begs, because he has a
large family born to genteel poverty. Another has a church to be roofed
or renovated, or some distressing object of charity which he would
willingly hang round the neck of the rich man instead of his own, until
the rich man being tormented by a thousand and one importunate beggars
of high and low degree, feels inclined to exclaim, "Oh! unhappy indeed
am I, for not only is it harder for me to enter the kingdom of heaven,
than it is for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, but also on
earth I am not unfrequently set upon, and despitefully used by the
common and vulgar thief, while the hand of the whole world is against
me."




CHAPTER XII.


On the mainmast of the Ship of State, high up above the domes and
minarets of the Buccaneer's chief city, he had placed his crow's nest or
look-out tub, where the look-out man was stationed. This man had, as a
matter of course, the usual number of eyes; but one was an official eye,
the vision of which was peculiar; for it could see into far distant
lands if so inclined; but if not, there could be no eye more blind, not
being able to discover what was going on under the nose placed by nature
to its immediate front.

Then the Buccaneer had wonderful inventions, by which he could
communicate with all his foreign relations and receive in turn what
information it was their pleasure to give.

The way the Buccaneer filled up appointments on board of his Ship of
State was peculiar to himself. Adaptability, or knowledge of the
particular department, was of little or no consideration in his eyes. If
the hole to be filled was a round one, he took a square man and jammed
him into it, and left him to fit in as best he could. This might appear
difficult, and even detrimental to outsiders, but to those accustomed to
the peculiar system, things soon settled down and worked pretty well.

He had a distinct objection to anything new. Change had to be brought
about slowly and by degrees. If there was any haste in the matter, he
started up at once, took fright and cried out "revolution!" and then any
necessary reform was thrust back and considerably delayed. He loved
patchwork. His Ship of State was patched. His Church Hulk was patched,
though of course this was not admitted by the generality of her crew,
who declared that the order they sailed by had come down without
interruption from the fountain-head; but there were differences of
opinion as to this even on board the Church Ship, and sometimes even
heated discussions took place on other matters when charity, and
brotherly love, were either sent below, or kicked over the ship's side
for the time being.

The Buccaneer loved to mend and mend, not from any love of economy, for
his public expenditure far exceeded that of any of his neighbours, and
he gloried in the fact. If some article of his own manufacture wanted
repairing he would not take any of his own material, but he would borrow
or buy from his neighbours, and clap on over his own product something
peculiar to other people. It was nothing to him whether the thing suited
or not, he still held on the even tenor of his way with a doggedness
that was in him almost a virtue, because it overcame so many
difficulties. In course of time he became famed as the very best tinker
that the world had ever produced; and this trade he guarded with a
jealous care and kept it entirely to himself.

Then the way he had of relieving his watches was peculiar. He had no
regular shifts, but when one of the watches displeased him he just
kicked them over the ship's side and sent the whole crew about their
business, and a fresh lot had to be selected by the people on shore. It
was also another peculiarity of his that whenever the most learned, and
wisest of his sons, could not solve some difficult question of State, he
appealed at once to the most ignorant, and generally abided by their
decision. On such occasions his old coxswain took the helm and generally
brought him successfully out of his difficulties.

During the time the crew were on shore soliciting the suffrages of the
people they were ready to promise almost anything, if they were only
sent on board in charge, but memories were often proved to be very
short. The crew often abused each other soundly, making use at times
even of very bad language. This was in a measure to be attributed to
those who managed to creep on board amongst the crew, who had not all
the characteristics of gentlemen; and also to the establishment amongst
the Buccaneer's people of a new university called Billingsgate, the
language and manners taught at his two ancient seats of learning not
being strong enough for the necessities of the age. There were always
Ojabberaways on board, and some of these had neither the refinement of
manner, nor the delicacy of feelings peculiar to the thorough bred
gentleman.

At one time the old Ship of State was the scene of polished debate and
pointed epigram, while the satire was delicate and keen; but now things
had materially changed and the language too often descended to gross
personal abuse.




CHAPTER XIII.


The means the Buccaneer had of gaining his information, namely, through
the medium of his daily press, was confusing in the extreme; for all his
papers took sides and showed the fighting instincts of the head of the
family. Columns were written upon the same subject which was so decked
out in party colours as to baffle all efforts at recognition. Each paper
acted the part of an advocate, and by fixing upon the weak parts of an
adversary tried to conceal its own shortcomings. Under these
circumstances it was very difficult, if indeed it were possible, to find
out the true merits of a case.

Every day a battle raged, and frequently an opponent was allowed neither
learning nor knowledge, while occasionally he was denied common honesty
and even decency. The gentlemen of the Buccaneer's press were a mighty
power. Fall under their displeasure, and it would be wise to make peace
with your enemy quickly, or you would have a whole phalanx of quills
charged to the very tips with ink, levelled at you. Kings even were
censured and nations chided in the most patronising manner; being
occasionally set at each other's throats, causes for quarrel being found
when none really existed. And often where a sore existed between two
people, it was not allowed quietly to heal and sink into the regions of
forgetfulness, but was kept open until perchance it ended in an open
rupture. Then having done this, the press frequently sat in judgment
upon the belligerents and censured them for their blood-guiltiness; and
by persisting in being present at the row, and chronicling the actions
of each combatant, the gentlemen of the press frequently did
considerable damage to both.

As information could not possibly be legitimately acquired to keep so
many papers going it had to be manufactured. Then when a false rumour
was started, there was soon a hue and cry after it, and it was either
run to earth, or caught and worried to death in the open. Although the
dailies gave themselves great airs and many graces, posing often enough
even as prophets, they were a mighty power for good. They often
redressed wrongs; brought abuses to light, and kept a rod in pickle for
the back of the evil doer. The press was not, however, without its
inconveniences, and even evils. Taking a page out of Jonathan's book,
the Buccaneer had allowed the system of interviewing celebrities to
creep in. Distinguished persons were considered to be fair game, and
they were badgered, and bored to disclose their inmost secrets. What
they had had for breakfast, how they conducted themselves in private
life, whether they ate, drank, slept and dressed as other people, or
whether they had any peculiar way of their own, was considered to be of
the utmost interest to the people. The method by which we conduct our
everyday life is somewhat confined. We can only sit in one way, which we
may perhaps slightly vary; but the centre of gravity must be kept within
certain small limits. As a rule, there is but one mode of getting into
bed, namely, on either one side or the other, though we have known cases
in which the individual preferred to crawl in at the foot.

Amongst other inconveniences must be named the newsvendor, who every
day, and at all hours up to late at night, rushed through the street and
cried up his wares in tones perfectly unintelligible, and which ranged
from the shrill pipe of the tender-aged gutter-grub, to the deep
gin-and-water voice of the full-grown and matured drunkard.

High above the heads of the rest of the dailies stood the Great
Thunderer, as it was called. Every day it belched out dense heavy
columns from its paper throat, and it ploughed in amongst the smaller
fry and did occasionally great damage, this big gun worked upon a pivot,
and by the direction of its smoke you could tell which way the wind of
public opinion was likely to blow.

Once a week the weeklies sat in judgment upon the dailies. The
monthlies pitched into both of these, and four times a year the giant
quarterlies strode in amongst the combatants, and dealt destruction all
round; overcoming all obstacles by the sheer weight of their columns. It
was said that one of these big bullies killed a man once, but this is
one of those assertions that requires confirmation. What one paper
affirmed, another denied, and that which to begin with was tolerably
clear, soon became overclouded with prejudice and party feeling.




CHAPTER XIV.


As is frequently the case in histories strides have to be taken, and
bridges have to be made over the river of time, so that we may walk over
in ease and comfort from one age to another.

At the time of which we now wish to speak, the Starboard watch was in
charge of the old Ship of State. The captain of this watch was one
William Dogvane, a celebrated sailor, and as shifty a salt--so it was
said--as ever trod a plank. His first lieutenant was one Harty, as fine
a sailor as ever chewed a quid, or drank a tot of grog. A good hand all
round and a thorough gentleman. Then there were the other officers and
petty officers, of whom it is not necessary to make particular mention.
Strange as it may appear, some of the foremost hands will play a
conspicuous part in this history. To begin with, there was Pepper, the
cook of the Starboard watch, a great admirer, and supporter, of Captain
Dogvane's. Then there was Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher, Joseph Chips
the carpenter, and Charlie Chisel his mate, all of the same watch.
Pepper was a merry clever little fellow, full of quips, jeers, and
jokes, but like most cooks he was a bit uncertain in his temper. Put him
out, and stand clear, or you would have a bucket of water over you,
either hot or cold, dirty or clean, just whichever happened to be
nearest, before you knew where you were, and from his language, a
stranger might infer that he had taken high honours at the university of
Billingsgate. He was a great admirer of the Ojabberaways.

The cook had a keen eye for the failings of others, but he was a merry
fellow with all, and excellent company, and though no one really
believed in him, all were ready enough to laugh, either with him, or at
him. It is true that such people do not, as a rule, figure in history,
but such things have been known. A dancer was once made prefect of
Rome. Besides your cook is no ordinary individual, for indirectly he
rules the universe. He is the foundation of peace and happiness, and the
cause often of strife, sorrow, and great suffering. A bloody war even
may be indirectly the consequence of the indiscretion, carelessness, or
want of skill on the part of some cook who has to prepare the food for
some kingly stomach. A little too much of one thing, or a little
skimpiness in another, brings on a fit of indigestion, accompanied by
mental irritation, and general loss of temper. Ministers are abused, and
have to bow their heads before the fury of the royal anger. The bearing
of some rival potentate assumes an altogether offensive aspect. Heads
are cut off; the prison opens its gates, and many poor subjects are
thrust in to contemplate in silence the fickleness of fortune, or their
own sins. Wars are declared. Battalions are ranged against battalions,
and human blood flows like water, and all this commotion springs, may
be, from the kitchen, where the cook sits calmly; bakes, stews, and
fries as if nothing had happened.

Most assuredly the cook holds a most responsible position in the world,
and it is not too much to say that the safety, honour, welfare, and
integrity, yes, and even the happiness and intelligence of a people,
depend in a great measure upon the head of the kitchen. The cook should,
therefore, take his place amongst the high ministers of every state, for
it is in his power to do far more good, and to give far greater pleasure
to the many, than your prating philanthropist, who with meddling and
muddling manners, large heart, but, generally speaking, small head,
tries his best to make paupers of a people, and do harm generally. Your
cook is the prime minister to the greatest potentate in the whole world,
namely, king stomach, and therefore your cook, if he be a wise, skilful,
and virtuous cook, should hold a high place in every community. My lord
bishop do you cavil at my statement about his majesty, king stomach?
Does he not dwell in the monastery? Does he not sit even at the priest's
table, and say to the company, eat, drink, and be merry? Does the priest
more than the layman turn his back upon the succulent oyster, the
truffled turkey, the barded quail, the plover's egg, which may have
cost a shilling, though the honest tradesman only perhaps gave a penny
for the rook's egg, which he substitutes for it? Is the voice of our
mighty potentate never heard in the bishop's palace? The priest is but a
man. True, but too often he looks upon himself as the Lord's anointed
who is to be approached with respect, and listened to with reverence,
when from his throne, the pulpit, he preaches a self denial to others,
that he does not find it convenient to practice himself.

As the Port watch were not on deck at the time of which we are speaking,
it is not necessary to say much about the men that composed it, further
than to mention that Bob Mainstay was the captain, and a most
experienced seaman, quite equal, many thought, to old Bill Dogvane, and
very much more certain, though he had not Bill's command of language.
Indeed, few had, for Bill could spin a yarn many fathoms long. The first
lieutenant of the Port watch was Ben Backstay, a safe steady going
seaman, universally respected, and both he and his captain had had no
finishing touches put on by the university of Billingsgate, and in
consequence they were courteous gentlemen. The captain was perhaps a
little imperious and keen of speech. Then, of course, there were all the
other officers and able seamen, and there was a merry, clever little
fellow, who though only a middy, must not be lost sight of: for he was
destined to rise step by step, and even jumps to a high position in the
old Ship of State. And he will play no mean part in our present history.
Random Jack as he was called, delighted annoying old Dogvane, in fact,
he buzzed about the whole of the Starboard watch like a mosquito, and
was the merriest, and most cheery little devil that ever put on a
sailor's jacket. People at first laughed and jeered at the middy, but he
cared not. Only those laugh in the end who win, and he was contented to
bide his time, and through fair weather and foul, in ups and downs, he
never lost confidence in himself, and herein lies the mainspring of
greatness and very much of the world's success.

It has been shown that the old fighting instinct of the Buccaneer was
present amongst all his children, and that it was not absent even on
board of the Church Hulk. No wonder then that it showed itself to a
marked degree amongst his ship's crew, which, however, had not as yet
advanced so far as to run an opponent through with three feet of cold
steel or plug him with an ounce of lead, like some of his neighbours;
nor was his ship's deck strewn about with spittoons, like, it was said,
Jonathan's at one time was. In a matter of expectoration Jonathan was
great. A spittoon, if properly aimed at the head of an antagonist,
political or otherwise, might bring a debate to a speedy, and perhaps a
satisfactory conclusion.

Though Captain William Dogvane swore he was essentially a man of peace,
his life proved him to be a man of war, and he displayed a marvellous
aptitude for getting into rows and then swearing that they were none of
his making. Then if he found that he was getting the worst of a fight he
would at once give in; own himself in the wrong, and apologize all
round, and sometimes tread on peoples' toes in doing so, and
consequently getting more abuse than thanks for his disinterestedness.
Dogvane said it was a noble and magnanimous thing to own oneself in the
wrong, and so save bloodshed; but his enemies said it was generally due
solely to cowardice, and they had some reason for saying this, as far as
Dogvane was concerned, for he never owned himself wrong until he had
been two or three times beaten in the open, and then the enormity of the
action--not the beating--became apparent to him. This shifty old salt
would at once ware ship, and put all the blame for everything upon the
other watch, the members of which, if they only did a half of what old
Dogvane accredited them with, deserved to be hanged, drawn, and
quartered. This skilled old sailor could sail on any tack and before any
wind. In his lifetime he had been many things and had served in both
watches; but there was nothing out of the way in this, as it was no
unusual thing for a man to commence in the Starboard watch and finish up
in the Port, and the reverse. Then old Dogvane could do almost anything.
There was nothing too great for him to tackle. He could talk for hours
upon the Mosaic Cosmogony. Science would try to knock him over with
facts; but Dogvane would, to his own entire satisfaction, prove that
science was altogether wrong. He would discuss religion, philosophy,
ethics, in fact, anything, with any past master in the craft, and he had
the quality, said to be peculiar to the race from which he sprang, of
never knowing when he was beaten.

The Ojabberaways who served on board the old Ship of State were for the
most part in the Starboard watch, and if by any chance they changed over
to the other side to serve their purpose, the alliance was never of long
duration nor was it altogether of an honourable kind.




CHAPTER XV.


A time came when things were said to be as they ought not to be;
discontent became very prevalent. It is always thus; but the people, it
was said--and with some show of reason--had quarrelled with their
prosperity. Labour had combined against capital, and the workers refused
to work except upon their own terms. They demanded shorter hours and
more pay, Nor would they, if they could help it, allow others to labour.
The Buccaneer's system of education had perhaps something to do with
this state of things, for it taught his children almost everything,
except how to gain a living, gave many of them exalted opinions, crammed
their heads, but left their stomachs empty, until in time the serving
class bid fair to be educated out of his island. All wanted to be
masters and mistresses, and the kitchen was looked down upon. Things
came to such a pass that it was far easier to obtain a governess who
could teach almost anything, for thirty pounds a year, than a cook for
the same amount, whose knowledge of her trade barely soared as high as
boiling a potato, or grilling properly a mutton chop, and who even with
this small amount of professional skill was insolent if found fault
with.

Then the Buccaneer's tradesmen, being true chips of the ancient block,
were frequently extortionists, if not actual robbers. They were
certainly well imbued with his first principle of trade, namely, the
turning of their five talents into ten, and some at least were not above
selling short weight and adulterating their merchandise; but these of
course were the dishonest ones, the black sheep that are said to exist
in every flock. Then before things reached the consumer they had to be
dealt with by the middle men, a species of vampire who sucked a good
deal of the profit out of the article; so the consumer was driven into
the hands of the foreign cheap-Jack, who soon began to sell more than
ever. The Buccaneer's old coxswain, who, it must be owned, was a bit of
a preacher, and like all such a little prosy, spoke up as was his wont:
"Mates," he said, addressing a lot of grumblers, who had assembled
together to air their grievances, "don't you see you've got your ship's
head lying in the wrong direction? You are cutting your throats, my
hearties, like a swimming pig, for while some of you are quarrelling
with your masters, and others of you are going in for keeping up the
prices, these furrin cheap-Jacks are doing a thriving trade. Shipload
after shipload of their merchandise is coming in. They are ousting you,
my lads, out of your own markets, while you stand by, pipe in mouth and
hands in pockets, demanding your shorter hours and higher wages." "What
would you have us do, mate?" cried a burly fellow from the crowd, as he
held his pipe in one hand and a quart pot in the other. "Are we to work
our souls and bodies out, day after day, and year after year, while our
masters are building up a pile, and palaces to put it in? We ain't
agoing to work like some of our neighbours for a mere nothing; neither
are we agoing to live on black bread and sour crout; so unless our
masters are going to cave in and come down with the needful, we are
going to hold out. As for the cheap-Jack fellows, let our master make
'em pay toll. Let's have everything fair and above board. Put that in
your pipe, old man, and smoke it." "Lads!" cried old Jack, "you are
killing your goose that lays the golden eggs; or, you are frightening
her over the water, which amounts to the same thing." "Let her go, mate.
If she stays here and stops laying eggs, we'll wring her neck, and
divide her carcass amongst us. We shall have a good feed then anyhow,
and be equal all round." So there were strikes, and a great cry out
against capital, and trade began to work down towards the sea-shore, and
unfolding her wings, prepared to take flight to other and more congenial
climes.

Whenever the old coxswain got his master's ear upon the subject, his
favourite, Liberty, was sure to be on the other side, telling him to let
things alone. This aggravated old Jack, who one day exclaimed; "Pray,
madam! how far are you going to take our master along this road of
freedom?" "Good, honest Jack, that is for you to say," cried madam, with
a smile and a curtsey. "Aye, aye, that is all well enough, my fine lady.
But there is not a place you don't go to with those doctrines of yours.
You commenced upstairs in the parlour, and now you have gone down into
the kitchen, and heaven only knows where you intend to stop. What is the
use of my saying anything? Where you lead my master follows; no matter
whether the road you are on goes to the devil or not. It is no use my
holding on to his coat tails, when you are coaxing him, cajoling him,
and pulling him forward by both his hands." So saying the old coxswain
went his way, muttering something about women in general, that was not
altogether complimentary to the fair sex. But the honest coxswain, when
ruffled, said, like many other people, very much more than what he
meant.

In the general running down of things the Buccaneer's women did not
escape. At one time they had been famed both for their virtues, and
their beauty. Of the latter it was said there was a falling off. Indeed
they were so pulled to pieces all round, by the sharp talons of ill
nature, that they were not left too many virtues to plume themselves
with.

Beauty it is well known is only skin deep, and in very many cases it
does not penetrate even so far. It can be laid on in the morning and
dusted off at night without much trouble, though no doubt many beauties
prefer to go to bed with the bloom on. This kind of beauty has its
merits. It withstands to a certain extent the ravages of time; art
following close in the footsteps of nature with the paint brush filling
up the crevices, and washing out the marks of the years that have
hurried by. But it was said that a good deal of the bloom on the young
cheeks was not a constant quantity, and that the cherry lips were not a
fast colour. That eyebrows and eyelashes were pencilled and hair dyed.
If this was not a foul libel how much was it to be regretted? Youth
requires neither putty nor paint to deck it off. For the old it matters
little; the only people deceived are the artists themselves. You may
disguise the age somewhat, put back the hand of time a year or so, but
you can never make an old face look young; paint it up and putty it as
much as you like. In the Buccaneer's island there was indeed to be seen
strange contrasts, such as dark eyebrows and fair hair, but then nature
does at times play sad tricks, giving to animals more heads than one,
and occasionally more than the usual quantity of tails, and even legs.

Suppose the Buccaneer's daughter did call in the aid of art. They all do
it, and in doing it, a woman only follows the instincts of her nature,
though some are so strong minded as to pay little or no attention to
personal adornments. The instinct above alluded to is to be found in the
daughter of nature, as well as in her civilized sister, and is the one
great link that binds female humanity together. Is there a part of the
civilized world yet discovered where the female mind does not turn
towards the embellishment of the outward form? No doubt the first act of
Eve after the sad catastrophe in the garden of Eden, when she recovered
from the temporary fit of despondency, was to seek some smooth sheet of
water, on which her fair face and form might be mirrored, and with as
little doubt her second act was to procure the most becoming fig leaf,
that the whole garden of Eden could produce to deck herself in. In the
general effect perhaps she found some slight consolation, though she
might regret there were not more Adams than one. While in the West the
female head is decorated with hair taken, perhaps, from some one, who
having paid the debt due to nature has no further need for it, her
sister of ruder climes utilizes the bushy end of a cow's tail. While the
one uses cosmetics, pomades, and dainty perfumes, the other uses earth,
or clay, or things that by no means, or under any circumstances, can be
called dainty. In passing, we may perhaps call the attention to the
strange perversion of the order of things that seems to run through the
civilized male mind of the West. Hairs pulled from a horse's tail
decorate the wise heads of judges, while feathers plucked from the
nether end of a cock, float over the heads of Western warriors. Is there
any subtle influence of nature at work here? But to return to the
ladies.

The female child of nature, instead of hanging round her neck precious
stones, wears thin strings of beads, or berries, or even shells, and
this in many climates is no inconsiderable part of her attire. Then
where she places a bunch of reeds, or dried grass, her civilized sister
places tastefully a bunch of ribbons. The same parts, present the same
difficulties, as to picturesque decoration. The progress of civilization
is also shown in the use of nose, lip, and ear-rings. The two former
have vanished from the fair faces of the West, but ear-rings still
remain as a link to bind us to the past, and though ankle rings have
disappeared except on the legs of French poodles, bangles are still
worn.

As to the modesty of the Buccaneer's women. This is a delicate matter
and we pass over it with the remark that in this respect they would bear
favourable comparison with any of their neighbours, though their
language perhaps at times, and even their manners, left somewhat to be
desired. The modesty of a woman must not be treated lightly, for it is
to her, or should be, as a diadem studded with precious stones, and a
garment as lovely to behold as the mantle of our Creator when dipped in
Autumn's rich and ever varying colours.

What for the most part attracted the eye of censure was the manner in
which the fashionable daughters of the Buccaneer dressed of an evening.
Then, in many cases, there was very little clothing on above the waist;
but ample amends were made by the length of the skirts, which trailed
many yards in the dirt behind.

This display of what are usually called the charms of a woman, could not
have been from any base motive; for had such been the case the middle
aged and old, would not have indulged in the practice. There may be
something very attractive about the well-shaped neck and snow white
bosom of a young and pretty girl, when modesty is not altogether
outraged, but there can be nothing pleasing about too fleshy middle age,
or the skinny old. Besides had the desire been the base one of exciting
the worst of man's passions, the skirts of the fashionable dresses would
have been considerably shortened. A pretty foot and shapely ankle is
every bit as pleasing to the eye of man, as a naked bosom, though here
again the beefy heels of maturity, and the fleshless pegs of age must be
excepted.

We rather see in the above fashion an innate modesty born in the female
breast, and we detect in it a disposition ever present to go back to the
far off past. To that time, when the clothing of our first mother was
conspicuous by its almost entire absence. It was all the more
commendable on the part of the Buccaneer's daughters to endeavour to
re-establish this early state of innocence, because his climate was dead
against the movement, and it says no little for the hardiness of his
women, who could thus lay bare so much of their bodies in a temperature
notoriously inclement, without suffering any ill effects.




CHAPTER XVI.


There was a lively discussion going on now on board the old Ship of
State about the state of things in general. As to whether trade really
was depressed at home, and as to whether the Buccaneer's relations were
all as they should be abroad.

The Port watch, who wanted to get charge of the old ship, swore that
things were at sixes and sevens. Their part of the press gang took of
course the same view, while the Starboard watch, headed by Dogvane,
declared with great zeal and certainty that things were never better.

There was discontent even amongst the Starboard, or Dogvane's watch,
some of the hands, namely, the carpenter, the butcher, and the cook,
and, of course, the carpenter's mate, thinking that the old ship was out
of date, and much too slow for the times. The carpenter was for altering
her, and for cutting adrift the old hulk alongside. The cook was for
breaking the old ship up, and for building an entirely new one on lines
of his own. The new craft, he declared, would be a rapid sailer, very
easily managed and cheaply worked. These ideas grew and took root, and
were productive of certain fruit, as will be hereafter shown.

When the captain of the Port watch drew the Buccaneer's attention to the
general, as he said, unsatisfactory state of things, old Dogvane shut
one eye--not his weather one--that was always open. "It does you
credit," he said, "it does you credit; but bless you, my master isn't
going to be taken in, in that way. It is a trick, sir; just a party
trick," he said, turning to the Buccaneer, who with his cox'sn was
standing on the quarter-deck, wondering, as was his custom, whom he was
to believe.

The Port watch now began to abuse old Dogvane, and many of the long
shore hands freely damned him; but quite as many blessed him, and were
ready to crown him with laurels; but he was called by the Port watch a
double-dealing, sly, foxy, old fellow, who would commit any crime from
pitch-and-toss to manslaughter, though not a soul had ever seen him
indulging in either of these games.

The carpenter declared that the Buccaneer's people were doing a rattling
trade in boots, shoes, and watches, while woollen stuffs were all up.
What a carpenter could know about such things it would be difficult to
say. Had it been nails, or screws, it would have been quite a different
thing; but on board the old ship a want of knowledge never kept a tongue
quiet. Indeed, under the system of a square man for a round hole, how
could it be otherwise?

There was a lengthy and animated discussion on the matter, which Random
Jack, of whom mention has been made, took advantage of to scud up aloft
to the look-out tub. The shaking of the rigging woke up the man on duty,
who, from a matter of habit, sung out "All's well."

Random Jack declared it was nothing of the sort, and he accused the
look-out man of being asleep. Then the middy hailed the deck. "Below
there!" he cried, "I see clouds in the East." This was a safe thing to
say, for there were always clouds there of some sort. He added, "Dust
and smoke show there is a heavy storm there. I see, too, a city in
flames, and people are being massacred."

The Buccaneer turned upon old Dogvane, the captain of the watch on duty,
and asked him what all this meant. Dogvane was not in the least taken
aback, no good sailor ever is, so he said, "I cannot believe, sir, that
anything is going on in the East that should not be, because we have no
official information on the subject." It was a well known fact, that in
the Buccaneer's island, his official information was about the last that
was ever received. People often wondered what kind of an animal carried
his mail bags. Some said it must be a mule, or perhaps an ass.

Dogvane, to reassure his master, hailed the mast-head, and asked the
look-out man how the old ship was heading. This was the usual way of
asking for information. The man on duty in the tub immediately placed
his official eye to the telescope, while he firmly closed the other, and
answered that the distant horizon was quite clear. Then he added, "Some
people are so precious sharp that they stand a chance of cutting
themselves." This sarcasm was levelled at Random Jack, but he treated it
with a contempt that was peculiar to him.

When the little middy reached the deck he had a pretty tale to tell; but
the cook said it was a parcel of lies, that the other watch could
scarcely be believed on their oath, and this depravity very much
distressed him; for Pepper was an upright, and an honest man. Billy
Cheeks said that the young Tory Bantam, as he called him, was a deal too
fond of crowing, and that if he came within striking distance of his fly
flapper, he would take his meals standing for some considerable time.
The Ojabberaways on board were highly delighted at the prospect of a
row, for nothing they liked better than a free fight, and they were
always ready to join in any devilment that would cause the old gentleman
annoyance.

Dogvane, seeing how things were going, delivered himself of one of those
speeches, for which he was celebrated. Having hitched up his trousers
fore and aft, like the good sailor that he was, he said:

"All this stir, sir, is about nothing. As I said before it is just a
trick of the other side to shift watches. Clouds in the East? Of course
there are. It is the very place we generally look for them. I am
creditably informed that all our relations are for the most part
friendly, and taking into consideration how interfering and meddlesome
relations usually are, this must be considered highly satisfactory. At
home the bright sun of prosperity shines over all the land, while the
songs of a contented people rise up in a grand chorus to heaven." The
cook hearing this winked at the butcher, upon whose placid features
there was a smile of approval and self-satisfaction; but the good
impression left by the above beautiful language upon the mind of the
Buccaneer, was slightly clouded by a parting shot on the part of the
captain of the Port watch, who knew as well as Dogvane how to arouse
his master's suspicion. It could always be done by drawing attention to
what were said to be the ambitious designs of some old rival. Then our
Buccaneer from a state of indolent indifference, would often fly to the
opposite extreme and suffer something in the nature of a panic, under
the influence of which he would for the time being storm and rave. If he
could, he would make a scapegoat of some one. Perhaps he would kick his
watch on duty over the ship's side, and think to put all things straight
by lavishing his money upon every conceivable object. The fury of the
storm being over, he would again sink into his usual happy-go-lucky
state, and rest quietly until some one stirred him up again. As some
rusty old weathercock will not condescend to move for anything less than
a gale of wind, so it took a panic to rouse up this wealthy and
easy-going old gentleman.




CHAPTER XVII.


In the East there dwelt at this time a mighty Bandit, Bruin by name. He
was an old rival of the Buccaneer. It is said that birds of a feather,
either do, or should flock together; but as a matter of fact it is
frequently found that they do not; the feather being too often a bone of
contention. People would have thought that these two celebrities,
following as they did the same profession, with the exception that one
pushed his trade more by sea, and the other more by land, would have
lived peacefully one with another; more especially as they were
separated by a wide tract of land and sea. Many old saws and sayings
would justify this belief; but the Bandit and the Buccaneer could not
hit it off together. The latter being quite a reformed, God-fearing and
respectable man, no doubt looked with horror upon the life that the
former was leading. It was strange too; because the Bandit was an
eminently pious, and Christian gentleman also; but he had not as yet
made his pile, which of course made all the difference; and his people,
though many of them were slaves, were beginning to be unruly.

As to whether the Bandit was as cruel and as bad as he was said to be,
is open to doubt. It is well known that the devil is not as black as
what he is painted. Evil things were said even of the Ojabberaways, and
we know that once give a dog a bad name, and you may as well hang him,
or tie a string round his neck, and fling him into the nearest pond.
Some people no doubt would have gloried in seeing this Eastern Bandit
run up on the nearest tree; but then he required catching.

Of the living why not be truthful? There seems to be a prevalent opinion
that this should be the case when we discuss the characters of our
enemies, and more especially of our friends to whom we can make amends
by saying nothing but what is good of them when they are dead. This old
sea king whose history we take a delight in relating, had as has been
shown a very quick eye for the shortcomings of his friends. Looking over
the heads of his own little peccadillos, he fixed his keen gaze upon
those of his neighbours, and no one could find out an act of robbery
sooner than could this Buccaneering trader; then his virtuous
indignation knew no bounds.

It was indeed a belief of his, that most of his neighbours were
ambitious and designing, ever ready to feather their own nests at the
expense of other peoples. Yet they were all eminently religious, prayed
often, and professedly were all followers of the same great Master; but
they all slept in armour, and were ready on the slightest provocation to
fly at each other's throats. Our pious Buccaneer had learnt to look upon
the East as a sort of devil's playground, and the Bandit as the arch
fiend himself who he frequently thought was up to no good when the poor
gentleman was perhaps actually engaged in his devotions.

The slightest allusion to the Eastern Bandit always alarmed him, so the
command was given on board the old Ship of State to pipe all hands, and
presently the bo'sn's whistle, followed by those of all his mates,
sounded merrily along the decks. Those below hurried up, while those on
shore hastened on board, and the scene was soon one of the liveliest.
Just as the last man tumbled over the ship's side, there was a great
commotion at the Port gangway, and on looking over, a very queer
powerfully made fellow was to be seen trying to get on board; but the
rest of the ship's company would not have him at any price. Pepper, the
cook, said the man was a friend of his, in fact, his mate; but Pepper
spoke to deaf ears; for the fellow would not swear, and it is a well
known fact that a seaman who will not swear cannot be a good sailor.
Several of the hands seized upon the intruder, and suiting an old rhyme
to the occasion, they commenced to sing--

    "Here comes a queer man
    Who will not say his prayers,
    So we take him by his two legs
    And chuck him down the stairs."

And they did, much to honest Pepper's disgust, who rated and accused
them well for their trouble. The man himself as he swam ashore affirmed
that he would return and serve yet on board of the old ship. He kept his
word; was posted to Captain Dogvane's watch, and became very much
respected.

As was their custom, the Ojabberaways tried very hard to monopolize the
whole of the conversation, with their numerous complaints, and they
swore most stoutly that not a stitch of business should the Buccaneer do
until they were given their independence and freed from the yoke of the
tyrant. When they were told that all was being done for them that could
in justice to all interests be done, one of them said, "Indeed a mighty
deal too much has been done; but in the wrong direction. We ask for our
freedom, and you give us a rope and bid us go hang."

Here some one amongst the crew who apparently had caught a cold,
sneezed, this the Ojabberaways took as an additional insult upon their
unhappy country, and because the insult could not be withdrawn, they
created a great disturbance, to quell which, two or three of them had to
be thrown overboard. The ship thus lightened rode all the better, but
the cook said it was a sinful waste thus to sacrifice the Ojabberaways,
when there was the whole of the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber weighing the
old ship down by the stern. The discussion on board now took a lively
turn, upon an assertion which the carpenter had previously made about
boots and shoes being brisk. Some interested person declared that if the
trade was brisk the boots themselves were bad, as could be seen by the
Buccaneer's soldiers who were fighting in the East.

All the fat was now put into the fire, and there was a heated argument
as to whether the Buccaneer was or was not engaged in warlike
operations. There ought to have been no doubt about such a thing, but
there was. It was also asserted that the rascally contractor was at his
old game of starving both men and animals, or giving them bad food, and
so amassing a large fortune and qualifying himself for promotion to the
Buccaneer's Upper Chamber.

The Buccaneer turned for information to his trusty Captain Dogvane.
"How is this, Master Dogvane?" he asked, "I thought you said my
relations abroad were all good."

"Sir," replied the captain, "ever since the old Ship of State was built
have there been these differences of opinion, and God forbid that it
should be otherwise; it will be an evil day for my master when his
watches take so little interest in his affairs as to cease to have wordy
battles over them."

"But, Master Dogvane, whom am I to believe?"

"A straightforward question, sir, demands a straightforward reply.
Believe in me."

At this there were loud jeers from the other watch, and many voices were
heard to say: "Believe in him and he will run you pretty soon into shoal
water."

"Aye! aye!" cried Dogvane, "the same old cry. I have been man and boy on
board this old craft for many a long year, and these hands have held the
helm and so the old ship rides safe and sound. Her bluff old bows riding
superior to every storm. Have not gales and hurricanes swept over these
decks, and yet she has risen superior to all? Some say the old craft
alongside is in shallow water, and yet she seems peaceful and safe
enough."

Here Random Jack said the captain was, as usual, drifting from the
point.

"Of course, my little man, you must have your say. It was you that first
set this ball a-rolling; but hurry no man's cattle is a safe cry. I was
merely clearing my decks, as it were, for action."

Upon being pressed, Dogvane was obliged to admit that he was engaged in
operations of a warlike nature; but he went into so many subtle
distinctions as to the different kinds of warfare that nobody could
follow him. He swore that in the footsteps of the other watch followed
gratuitous and unprovoked war. "We are not now at war," he cried in
great warmth, "though I will not say that we are not engaged in some
kind of military operations which, however, though offensive in form are
purely defensive in essence." Dogvane being apparently afraid lest he
should be called upon for an explanation turned the conversation by
appealing to a weak part in his master's nature, namely, his religion.

"Can we ever forget," he said, "the Divine Master we follow? Can we
forget the principles of peace he taught us? The operations I am now
engaged in are only a part of that terrible inheritance that the other
watch left me." This of course brought down a storm upon him from the
other watch. "My aim," he continued, "ever has been to maintain a
friendly footing with all your neighbours, and by keeping them in union
together to neutralize, fetter, and bind up the selfish aims of each."

"And the result of your labours," cried the captain of the Port Watch,
"has been to estrange our master from all his friends and to land him in
incessant troubles. Have you not bombarded a friend's town?" he added,
"have you not massacred his people?"

Dogvane could not altogether deny this, so he said: "It is true that a
few forts have been knocked down, but they were better down than up; and
a few people have no doubt been killed, but what of that? Accidents will
happen in the very best regulated undertakings."

Thus did the argument continue to the utter confusion of the bold
Buccaneer who cast his eyes towards the Church Hulk alongside, and he
inwardly wished that all was as peaceful and secure as it seemed to be
there; but scarcely had the thought crossed his mind than a great hubbub
rose up and the sound of controversy became loud. All eyes were turned
towards the Church Hulk, and many feared they were about to witness one
of those religious disputes which occasionally are so bitter and even
disastrous. Some thought it must at least be a mutiny. Considerable
relief was felt when it was found upon inquiry that it was nothing more
serious than a discussion as to the shape and colour of the vestments in
which our Creator was to be worshipped in, and a rival sect nearly came
to blows over the form of an ecclesiastical hat. All this seemed
strange, because the Church Hulk professed to sail by orders which said:
"Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall
drink, nor yet for your body what ye shall put on."

If people squabble amongst themselves it soon becomes known, and it soon
began to be noised abroad that the Buccaneer's Church Hulk was in
danger, both from jealousy without and the want of Christian charity and
brotherly love within. It is certain that some of the crew of the Ship
of State had their eyes upon her, and it got rumoured abroad that some
fine morning people would wake up to find she had either slipped her
moorings or been cut adrift. But has not this rumour ever been a lying
rascal and a fit lieutenant for the devil himself?




CHAPTER XVIII.


The Buccaneer paced the deck of his old ship in a thoughtful manner.
Suddenly he stopped and addressed his captain. "Dogvane," he said, "I
have trusted you; beware lest you deceive me."

"Sir," said the captain, "the man who would deceive so good and great a
master would be base indeed."

"Is all this true that the other watch have said about my ships? Am I in
the wretched state they say? Where has gone all my money?"

"Master, allow not the idle shafts of the Port Watch to trouble you.
They are greedy of office, and to gain their ends, they magnify some
things and totally misrepresent others. Believe not what they said about
your ships and about your trade. Bloated armaments, sir, are a source of
danger; exciting the fear, jealousy, and suspicions of your neighbours;
draining your exchequer, and feeding like a foul canker upon the fair
flower of your industries. You are no longer a bold Buccaneer, sailing
the seas in search of plunder. You are no land stealer. The object of
your life is not now to carry fire and sword into your neighbour's
country. You are a respectable trader, peaceful and industrious, a
Christian, with religious principles to act up to."

"Yes, Master Dogvane; but there are those about, who, if I am not ready
to protect my own, will save me the trouble."

"Sir, it is not right to have so base an opinion of the world; but your
armaments are fully equal to all your needs."

"In this, Master Dogvane, I must perforce believe you. But how about
that rascal Bruin? He has committed depredations in the past. He is a
grasping fellow too, and I have my suspicions that there may be some
truth in what I hear. He may be casting sheep's eyes at my fair Indian
Princess."

"So long as they are only sheep's eyes, sir, where is the harm? The lamb
which is the forerunner of the sheep is the emblem of peace. Suspicion,
my master, is the attribute of either a base or weak mind, and is
unworthy of you. The Eastern Bandit I have always found a pious and
truthful man; only requiring to be known to be appreciated. Honest too,
as times go; but awkward when vexed."

We must leave the Buccaneer in the hands of his skilful captain and take
a turn ashore. The Port Watch having collected crowds of idlers
addressed them on the general depressed state of affairs, and they found
ready listeners. No one considers himself so well off but that he wants
something more. There was a general and continued cry out against the
foreign cheap-Jacks. The blackguards who take advantage of every breath
of discontent to preach their doctrine of universal plunder had merry
times, and their tongues wagged at the street corners, in the parks, and
other public places. These fellows had a following, for they held up
before the eyes of the poor a picture of plenty, while the criminals saw
in them instruments to help them on in their trade. The sound of their
many voices surged up like the angry roar of wild beasts in some distant
jungle.

But now all eyes were turned towards the old Ship of State, for a sight
was to be seen that had not been seen in the memory of living man
before. It was nothing more nor less than the portly form of the old
Buccaneer struggling with difficulty up the rigging, and behind him came
the lithesome form of old Dogvane; both of them were evidently bound for
the crow's nest, below which the legs of the look-out man could be seen
hanging like the legs of some huge stork.

There was a look of anxiety on the captain's face, as though he feared
the consequences of that climb up aloft. It might upset the gravity of
so portly an old gentleman as his master had grown to be, and he might
look at things with a temper somewhat clouded by anger. Then the
look-out man might be found asleep at his post. That some such thoughts
occupied old Dogvane's mind was evident, for, making some excuse, he
passed his master in the rigging and hurried to the top. The man in the
tub was so lost in his own meditations that he did not see the captain
enter; but a kick startled him, and he cried, "Look out!" "I am going
to," was Dogvane's reply. He then added: "Now, look alive, my hearty,
and show me the official slides."

The Buccaneer arrived in the top, puffing and blowing and quite
exhausted, for it was a stiff climb for one so stout. He was breathless,
and his face was as ruddy as the setting sun. As he sat swabbing
himself, as the sailors would say, he heard the murmurs of the crowd
down below on shore rising up. "What noise is that?" he asked of the
captain.

"That, sir, is the lowing of your many herds," was the reply. Dogvane
was a ready man.

Now, when the people on shore had recovered from their first surprise,
their tongues began to wag freely.

"At last!" cried one, "the old man is roused; now we shall see what
happens."

"Not much, my mate," cried a second, "don't you see old Dogvane is up
aloft too." Of course this was either a Port watchman, or one with Port
watch sympathies.

"It is a pity," cried a third, "that the old gentleman did not mount
aloft before and take a look round for himself; then he would have seen
how things were going on. For, drat my buttons if you can believe any of
these land lubbers below."

"Ah! it's all very well to talk," said another, "but the old gentleman
is not so active as he used to be. Prosperity has made him lazy too, and
good living has made him thick in the wind."

"There is life in the old man yet," cried another. And so it went on
through the crowd. Several levelled their telescopes at the mast head of
the old ship, and there were general regrets at the apparent absence of
the Buccaneer's old coxswain, for the people believed in him. There was
now what bid fair, at one time, to end in a general free fight between
partisans of the two watches, and of course the Ojabberaways were quite
ready to join in, for wherever heads were to be broken there they were
sure to be; but a peaceful turn was given to the affair by Random Jack
jumping upon an empty beer barrel and declaring, as he took off his
jacket, that he was ready to meet in single combat, any man double his
size of the Starboard Watch, and bid any one who liked to carry his
challenge on board, either to the cook or to Billy Cheeks, the burly
butcher.

"Listen to the lad!" the people cried and laughed; but no one took up
the challenge.

"Well, my mates," cried an old salt, "let us wait and see what comes of
it all. For my part I doubt much good, with old Dogvane up there too."

"What can he do, pray, if the old man takes a look for himself?" said
another.

"What can he do?" cried Random Jack. "Look here, my hearties; that is a
difficult question to answer when old Bill is concerned. For there is
little he can't do, and there is not a trick or a dodge that that old
fox is not up to. Why, he would get the weather side of the devil
himself. Now, listen to me, my lads. Ah! it's all very well for you
slavish followers of old Dogvane to put your tongues in your cheeks and
flout and jeer, but those laugh in the end who win, and my merriment is
yet to come. Now I will tell you what old Dogvane will do. He will make
our master look through the wrong end of the telescope, or he will put
in  lenses, or glasses with pictures painted on them, or he will
do something to deceive; and whatever he does his crew will swear it is
right, more especially the cook, the carpenter, and the burly butcher;
but I have my eyes upon them; and I will smoke them out yet."

People laughed out right at these bold words of the little middy's. Many
of the old salts said the boy would grow into no ordinary man, and that
if he lived he would achieve great things. This Random Jack fully
believed himself; and perseverance as is well known conquers all things.
It is only necessary to be constantly dinning into the ears of people
our own particular merits, and in time the most obstinate will give in
and take you at your own valuation. In no other way can very much of
the success we see in the world be accounted for.

If you are an impostor, the course of events may perhaps find you out,
but it is hard to overthrow even a humbug when once fully established,
and if he is knocked over he is sure to retain some of his followers and
believers, who will worship him as a martyr, and he may even finish up
by being canonized as a saint.




CHAPTER XIX.


The look-out place at the mast head of the old Ship of State had many
names, and amongst the rest it was called the owl's nest. This bird is
sagacious looking; but by some people it is considered stupid, though
perhaps rats, and mice, and other like vermin, think he is sharp enough
for them. From this point of vantage Dogvane was bidding his master to
behold the bright things that lay beneath him. "Look around you," he
said, "and your eyes will rest upon a beautiful picture; upon fields of
golden corn bending their heads ready for the sickle of the reaper; upon
pastures well stocked with flocks and herds and upon a contented and a
happy people." Just as the Buccaneer was stooping down to adjust his eye
to the telescope, Dogvane very deftly slipped in, as the clever little
middy had said he would, a slide beautifully painted with rural scenes,
for what he had said existed only in his imagination, for a good deal of
the land was lying fallow. The Buccaneer seemed lost in wonder and
admiration, and was silent; but Dogvane kept talking all the time.
Conjurors always do this to distract the attention of their audience,
otherwise their imposition might be found out. "Your eyes rest, sir,"
the captain said, "upon a peaceful scene; no one would think that all
those quiet looking villages, with their churches, stand over the bones
of dead pirates." The Buccaneer did not like this allusion to his past
life so he said:

"Master Dogvane! there are but few men that have not had their early
indiscretions. Even the very best of us in looking back wish some things
undone. Many a saint has commenced life as a sinner; then let the dead
past be buried, and often the greater the sinner the greater the saint.
The first public act of Moses was a murder."

Dogvane took advantage of this diversion to slip in another slide.
"Behold!" he cried, "your happy villages, with their churches, nestling
in amongst the trees. Behold your towns and cities, the monuments of
your industry and intelligence! See the tall tapering chimneys rising
far into the murky sky. Look down, my master; look down at your rivers
thickly studded with innumerable ships." Dogvane said not a word about
the nationality of those ships. He did not tell his master that they
belonged, a good many of them, to the innumerable cheap-Jacks that
infested the shores.

"Dogvane!" cried the Buccaneer, as he wiped the small glass of his
telescope, "I see chimneys enough; but I see no smoke coming from them.
They seem to me to be mute monuments raised to a dead industry." The
artist had quite forgotten to put the smoke in. Perhaps he painted from
nature--some artists do. Dogvane was quite equal to the occasion, "We
compel all your subjects, sir, to consume their own smoke."

This of course was not the case, if it had been, the Buccaneer's people
would not have had to live at times in a gloom that made mid-day
scarcely distinguishable from midnight.

Do I accuse a high official; a man whose character was as that of the
wife of Caesar, of not adhering to the truth?

Heaven forbid, that we should be so profane. But even truth at times
must be suppressed, and though this may be considered by the
straight-laced and sickly minded to be lying by implication, it is not
so. It is done in the very best and most pious society; and in a high
state of civilization it is absolutely necessary; because truth hurts
the feelings of the refined.

The tinkling of many bells rose up on the air, and hovered for a while
over the crow's nest. "What sound is that?" asked the Buccaneer. "The
bell wethers, sir, ringing out their glad tidings of large and
multiplying flocks." It was nothing of the sort. It was the muffin man
going his constant and monotonous rounds.

"Listen, sir!" exclaimed Dogvane in high glee, "to the merry, but
perfectly unintelligible cry of your happy costermongers. From dewy morn
till dewy eve they vend their wares."

"If their cry, Master Dogvane, is unintelligible, why allow them to
disturb the quiet of my people?"

"For all that I do, sir, there is a goodly reason. One of the favourite
cries of our enemies is that we are revolutionists, up-setters, and
destroyers of cherished customs. We refute this base slander by pointing
to your costermongers. Here is a time-honoured institution that we have
left untouched, and if the merry voice of the costermonger is to be
silenced the guilt shall be on the head of the Port Watch, for old Bill
Dogvane will have nothing to do with it." After this burst of
impassioned eloquence the captain of the Starboard Watch wiped a
glistening tear from his eye, took a little time to get his breath and
then continued: "Look at your sanitary arrangements! In a matter of
drains you have not an equal."

"All this is very well, Master Dogvane, and at home things may be sound
enough; but how about my neighbours?"

"Your neighbours, sir? oh! I am credibly informed that in a matter of
drains they are not good. I believe they have none; or if they have, I
have no official information on the subject."

"Confound their drains, man! How do I stand with them?" Saying this, the
Buccaneer turned his glass to distant parts. Dogvane tried very hard to
distract the attention of his master, so that he could turn the
telescope round until the small end might be where the big end ought to
be; but he had no opportunity; neither had he any foreign slides. This
was an oversight, and Dogvane was disconcerted. He tried to persuade his
master by all manner of devices, not to trouble himself about other
people's affairs. Told him that he was looked upon with jealousy, as all
great and good men are; but that he ought to be too wise to mind what
people said.

This rather flattered the Buccaneer's vanity. So long as he was feared
and respected that was all he cared for. This was not right from a
Christian point of view; but we must not expect too much; for the flesh
is at all times weak, and man has been endowed with certain qualities
that will occasionally assert themselves. Was not the Hulk alongside the
old Ship of State, the custodian of all Christian principles? Would you
find charity and humility reigning supreme there? Good people all,
beneath the priestly frock there sometimes beats a hard and unforgiving
heart. Saint Chrysostom was a godly but outspoken man; one of strong
convictions. He expressed an opinion that in his day the number of
bishops who might be saved bore a very small proportion to those who
would be damned. We live in better times, and the balance now would be
no doubt against the devil. At least let us be charitable, and hope so.

The Buccaneer kept his gaze fixed upon the East, and Dogvane was not
experiencing an ecstasy of delight. Presently his master cried, "Eh!
what is that I see?" Dogvane seized the glass and placed his eye to the
hole, "It is nothing, sir, but a dust storm. Such things are of frequent
occurrence in the East, and very trying and disagreeable they are to
those who have to live there. This is no doubt what that youngster,
Random Jack, made such a fuss about."

"But who is kicking up the dust?" the Buccaneer demanded. Dogvane ran
through a number of common and ordinary causes for such things, which
however did not seem to satisfy his master, who said to the captain's
surprise, "Dust storm, or no dust storm, Master Dogvane, I am going to
take a look there myself. There is no knowing but what the Bandit of the
East may be behind that cloud."

"Ah! the old scare!" muttered Dogvane. "Down on deck and pipe my yacht's
crew away!" cried the Buccaneer as he prepared to descend. Dogvane was
for making a thousand excuses, the manufacturing of which was to him a
matter of the greatest ease. But it was of no use, and so down he went
to comply with his master's bidding. He was still more horrified when he
learnt that it was his master's intention to make a few calls on his
neighbours on his way to the East.

"What do you want to leave home for now, sir, when all your people are
so happy and comfortable?" Dogvane asked as he went down through the
lubbers' hole.

"And what better time, pray, could I choose?"

"But your neighbours may not like to be taken thus unceremoniously?"
Dogvane said as he began to descend.

"A friend, Master Dogvane, is always welcome, and by our reception we
shall see in what estimation we are held."

"But, sir," cried Dogvane, looking up from the rigging.

"But me, no buts, Master Dogvane, but do as you are told; so down you
go."

Dogvane seemed to have lost somewhat of his alacrity, for he took a
terrible long time in reaching the deck, and kept up a running
accompaniment to his thoughts, which, however, was not loud enough to be
heard, and therefore cannot be recorded; though it is safe enough to
assume that so good a man made use of no bad language. Something
evidently troubled the old captain's mind, for when the two of them
reached the deck, he said, "Master, you must not listen to everything
you hear against the great Bandit of the East. People are not all honey
behind your back. In the past you have ever been too ready to draw the
sword, following the example of those who fight first, and argue
afterwards."

"Because, Master Dogvane, experience has taught me that if you thrash
your enemy first he is the more amenable to reason."

"That, honoured sir, was all very well in an uncivilized and barbarous
age. When the mind was not open to reason, and when the manners had not
been softened by Christianity, then the sword was, no doubt, a good
major premise; but now, sir, it should never be drawn except through
dire necessity. In a just and good cause I am ready to shed my last drop
of blood for you."

"Nobly said, Dogvane! nobly said!" exclaimed the Buccaneer, as he
slapped old Dogvane in an approving manner on the back, thereby nearly
knocking all the wind out of his body.

"But, mind you, master," Dogvane said, "I must be assured that the cause
is just. An appeal to arms should only take place when the noble art of
diplomacy has failed. Then, sir, by all manner of means draw the sword."

"Master Dogvane; tell me what is Diplomacy?" asked the Buccaneer.

"Diplomacy, sir, is the polished and courteous method that one nation
has of conducting business with another."

"To my mind, Master Dogvane, it is the polished method by which one
nation tries very often to overreach another. Strip it of its courtly
paraphernalia and you often find this Diplomacy to be a lying,
intriguing, cheating, and unprincipled rascal, that every honest man
ought to shun. Look you! it has been said that by this self-same
Diplomacy I have lost a good deal of what I have won in fair and open
fight."

Dogvane sighed over his master's want of enlightenment. But he knew too
well that in his present mood he was not to be reasoned with, so what
could a poor sailor do? What cannot be cured must be endured. Dogvane
felt assured that everything was to be put down to the fallacious
teachings of the Port Watch, and had he not been the pious man that he
was he would undoubtedly have damned all their knavish tricks, if
nothing else.

The cook, the butcher, and the carpenter, could see that something was
amiss by the troubled look upon their captain's face, so they were not
at all surprised to hear the bo'sn's whistle pipe the crew of the bold
Buccaneer's royal yacht away; to be one of the crew of which was
esteemed a great distinction, as it was a sure road to preferment. The
cook only hoped the old man, meaning the Buccaneer, was not going to
make a fool of himself; but he had his doubts, of course. Had the
sagacious and learned Pepper been one of the party to give his master
the benefit of his advice it would have been a different matter
altogether.

But where is the old cox'sn all this time. Is the Buccaneer going to
make his round of calls without his right-hand man?

Good people all, the cox'sn was on shore moving about amongst the
people, doing good after his humble fashion, wherever he could. He did
not always accompany his master, more is the pity; but the truth must be
told. He could not at all times get on with Captain Dogvane, and old
Jack Commonsense was not much of a traveller.




CHAPTER XX.


Just as the Buccaneer was about to start upon his round of calls, the
snowy white sails of a large ship were to be seen gliding, as it seemed,
over the fields that hemmed in his principal river; the hull of the
stranger being hidden by a bend. From her mast-head flew a star-spangled
banner, and the well-known strains of Yankee Doodle came floating up on
the southerly breeze. "Ah!" exclaimed the Buccaneer, "Here comes
Jonathan, our cheap-Jack cousin: been home to refit and reload I
suppose." Presently a long black hull with a good sheer forward came, as
it were, out of the low lying land below the city.

In days long gone by, such a suspicious looking craft would have made
the bold Buccaneer beat to quarters, when out would have gone his guns,
but times had greatly changed, and pirates of the open and declared type
were not to be seen on Western waters. The black flag with death's head
and cross-bones is never boldly run up now to the mast-head as in the
good brave days of old. It frightens people. So all robberies both on
sea and land are done under more respectable looking flags; and very
much more genteelly. No walking the plank, no running up to the yard
arm. Now a whole crew are sent to the bottom of the sea at a single
shot, and there is an end of them.

The stranger finding a comfortable berth, rounded to, as sailors say.
Splash went her anchor, rattle, rattle went her chain. Down came the
yards, clewlines and buntlines were well manned, and up went the snowy
sails. The nimble seaman scudded up aloft, and rolled up the canvas, and
everything was trimmed down, and hauled taught, and his yards squared in
proper ship-shape fashion. "Bravo, Jonathan!" cried the Buccaneer.
"Nearly as well done as I could have done it myself. True chip of the
old block; eh! Dogvane?"

"Yes, sir: and at driving a bargain, or getting the better of a friend,
our Jonathan has not an equal."

Presently a boat impelled by lusty arms and hands shot round the stern
of the old ship, and brought up alongside, and a tall lanky fellow with
a big pack on his back stepped on deck. In an easy tone of familiarity
he saluted the old Buccaneer. "Wa'al, old hoss, how are things with
you?"

"Pretty well, Jonathan; pretty well," replied the Buccaneer.

"Glad to hear it; heard things wasn't quite O.K. Ever taste O.K.
bitters? No! Wa'al, they would just revive a corpse, O.K. bitters would,
you bet. Let us deal," he said as he took his pack off, and began laying
his merchandise out on the deck. "I say, Boss, could you make it
convenient to have this aire stream of yours widened? It puts me more in
mind of one of our drains than anything else."

The old Buccaneer was highly indignant at his principal river being
spoken of in such a disrespectful manner, and he replied with much
dignity: "My river, Master Jonathan, is good enough for me, and if it is
too narrow for other people, they can stay away."

"No offence, Boss, no offence. It does look small after our Mississippi,
that would be an eye-opener for you, old hoss. But this ain't business.
Now, here we have a lozenge that will cure anything, from a cough to a
broken leg. Here's a pill fit to physic creation. Honest sailor," he
said, addressing Dogvane, "try this pill. It will make your hair stand
on end. Take a box for the sake of your family. Each pill is worth a
pound, let you have a whole box for one shilling and a penny ha'penny.
You have a son, a hopeful boy, give him a pill, if not a pill, try him
with this pickle, it will sharpen his understanding and make him a
credit to his family. Just you ask who cured Stonewall Jackson?" Dogvane
declared he did not want anything; but Jonathan still cried up his
wares. "Try this cocktail before going to bed, it will make your teeth
curl. Talking about teeth; in teeth I guess we're tall. Now here is a
set that one of your ecclesiastical big guns has asked God's blessing
on, and they're up a quarter dollar accordingly."

"Jonathan!" the Buccaneer said, "I have long wished to have a little
private conversation with you."

"All right, Boss, I thought something was up, chuck it off your chest,
whatever it is, it will relieve you."

"I don't think it either neighbourly, or friendly, Jonathan, on your
part to harbour people who plot against my life and property."

"What! Have you found out, old hoss, that snakes bite! You've harboured
a good deal of vermin in your day, and you can't blame me for doing what
you have done yourself. No, Sirree, that cock won't fight. Why, you've
given an asylum to the cut-throat rascals of every nation under the sun,
and when you could not find room for them, you have sent them over to
me."

"I have only given an asylum, Jonathan, to the oppressed."

"That is only one way of looking at it, Boss. Too fine a name for a
fellow with a bowie knife up his sleeve, and a six-shooter in his
pocket; if he cries 'hands up,' old man, where are you? But this ain't
business, honest sailor," here he again addressed Dogvane. "Buy this
baby jumper for the missis. It will rock your child to sleep, wake it in
the morning, wash it, dress it, slap it and feed it, and all for a few
dollars. You have a son? No father of a family should be without this
article." Then turning to the Buccaneer he said, "I reckon my gals are
leaving your gals standing. They are just taking away all the cream of
your men. Now, here's a notion, that may be will mend matters, try a
cargo of these patent palpitating bosoms. They are warranted to go; they
are as natural as life, and ever so much more convenient, for they can
be taken off at night and put on in the morning. They never increase,
and not like some cheap kind of article, you never see them under the
shoulder, at the back, instead of in their proper places in front; buy a
pair on trial."

"Stay, Master Jonathan, let us settle one thing at a time. Is it right
for you to let the Ojabberaways hatch their infernal plots against me in
your country?"

"Look here, old hoss, the Ojabberaways are blowers; then let them blow.
It satisfies the darned skunks, and it don't hurt you. It aint safe in
these high pressure times to sit upon your safety-valve. Let 'em blow
off."

"I don't mind their blowing off, Jonathan; but I object to the skunks,
as you call them, blowing up. As for blowing off; why, my parks and
public places, are regular blow-holes, where democrats, demagogues,
socialists, and blasphemers may, and do, howl themselves hoarse."

"It don't seem to me, old hoss, that you are altogether boss of your
show. You are trying to run your ryal car on a democratic gauge, and
you'll either run off the track or you'll bust your biler. But this
ain't business, won't you buy? Honest sailor, here's a knife that will
lick creation; and here's a watch--I reckon we are pretty big in
watches. This child of nature is just leaving the rest of the world
standing." Jonathan seeing that he could do no business, said, as he
packed up his things: "Trade does seem dull; but I'll just look round
shore. This island of yours is so darned small, and your cliffs are so
high, that it is dangerous to walk after nightfall. You should just come
over to our side of the water; you'd see something like a patch of land,
you bet." Jonathan went forward to see if he could do any business
amongst the crew. The carpenter wanted to deal with him in nails; then
the cook wanted to clear out the Buccaneer's lumber-room; and the
packman said that for a duke or two, or a couple of lords he would
spring some dollars; for that he had none in his country, and
accordingly they were very highly esteemed. He did love a lord. Then he
wanted to exchange a dozen brow-beating barristers for one incorruptible
judge; but the cook, the carpenter, and Billy Cheeks, the butcher, all
said, that of brow-beating barristers, their old man had enough and to
spare, and they could not part with any of their judges. As the
cheap-Jack went over the ship's side, he said he had, he feared,
mistaken the latitude and longitude, for he thought by the way things
were going, he must be in the neighbourhood of Jerusalem. When he got
ashore he had still greater reason for thinking this, for the Hebrew
element was so strong that he declared there was little chance of an
honest man getting a living. Many of the Jews tried to modernize their
names, but do what they would, they could not change their natures.

Just as Jonathan, the packman, was stepping into his boat, the cook
looked through one of the port-holes and asked him if he had any need
for the Buccaneer's lion. Jonathan said he thought the animal was not
sound, but the cook declared that he was; only a little out of wind,
having done a good deal of roaring in his day. Jonathan offered in
exchange a skunk, which he declared was a most useful and valuable
animal, respected alike by friends and enemies; but they could not deal.

Soon the voice of the cheap-Jack was heard mingling with the others on
shore. The Ojabberaways, though they bought little, and sold still less,
received a good many of Jonathan's almighty dollars, and as long as they
lasted they were likely enough to love him and be friends.




CHAPTER XXI.


The clack, clack of a windlass was heard one fine morning sounding over
the waters of the river that hurried by the Buccaneer's chief city.
Alas! the merry songs of his seamen, as they hove in the slack of their
chains was no longer to be heard. Their cheering "Yo, heave ho!" was but
a faint memory of the past. No cloud of sails was spread to catch the
breath of the north wind; but the vessel moved stealthily down the
river, leaving behind her a muddy wake and above a long winding black
serpent of smoke.

Great changes had come over this old Buccaneer. Neither he, nor his
ships were anything like what they were in the good old past. The past
that we are always looking back to with such loving and longing eyes.
Those huge wooden castles that had borne his flag to so many victories
had been towed long ago to their last moorings. But ah! things change,
and mountains even, if not moved by faith, are constantly being altered
by that persistent worker, time. People looked back with regret to those
grand old wooden walls, with their tier upon tier of guns; but it was
all in vain. Science had condemned them. Amidst all the change that was
constantly going on, there was one thing on board of the old Ship of
State that bound the Buccaneer to the past. She was still impelled by
wind, and consequently was not a rapid sailer. The Church Hulk alongside
her, was also propelled in a similar manner, but considering the gales
of wind that sometimes swept her decks she was a slow mover.

Away went the Buccaneer in his steam yacht, old Dogvane, of course,
being at the helm. The cox'sn, however, for reasons already mentioned,
was left behind. The captain's face did not wear an expression of
happiness, but then he was one of those who take their pleasures
seriously, and sometimes even in a melancholy manner; and often when he
looked his saddest he was enjoying himself most. To judge from
appearances, people might be pardoned if they thought that he and his
master were bent upon some mournful errand, such as the burying of some
dear departed friend.

But to return to the wonder-stricken people who lined the shore. Many
were the questions asked and many were the answers given. Though our
brave old Buccaneer hated anything secret, more especially in other
people, yet he himself conducted all his public affairs by a secret
council; being driven to do so, perhaps, by necessity. Then the reason
for this sudden and somewhat mysterious departure was left open to all
kinds of conjecture, some saying one thing, some another.

"What is in the wind now?" asked one. "Is the old man steering for peace
or for war?"

"Ah!" cried another, "perhaps his spirit is at last aroused. Heaven only
knows he has slept long enough!"

"The barking of curs, my lads," said a third, "does not disturb the
slumber or the dignity of a bull-dog. Fighting, mates, it may be; for
those who won't fight will fall."

The young hands looked hopeful and the hot blood mounted to their
cheeks, for they had heard and read of fights by sea and land, and of
the doughty deeds done by their forefathers, and they longed, too, for
the fray. There was life in these young sea whelps yet. It was said that
the wanton, Luxury, had touched them gently with the velvet tips of her
fingers, but so far she had not taken away their manhood and put them to
lie on downy beds scented with the perfume of flowers. No, no, she had
not gone as far as that, and though the Buccaneer's women, some of them,
had become masculine, his men had not surrendered up their position to
them just yet.

The young expressed their hopes, the old men shook their heads. The
Ojabberaways were wild with delight, and hoped that their tyrant master,
as they called him, would get so embroiled that they might have a chance
of shaking themselves free. Then, as many thought, there would be merry
times indeed for those who lived in the green and fertile isle of the
West.

The Ojabberaways now behaved themselves in a manner so peculiarly their
own, that there was every prospect of a free fight. The leaders, or paid
patriots as they were called, took up a strong position, behind whatever
natural objects presented themselves, and from these points of vantage
they commenced pelting their opponents with strong personal abuse. Of
this they always kept a large supply ready on hand. Wise counsels
prevailed, and the blood of the young Buccaneers was cooled down, and so
a row was avoided and all attention was again directed to the head of
the family and his doings. "Mates!" cried one sturdy fellow, "it's not
for fighting he has gone with Captain William Dogvane on board. More
likely he has gone to beg some person's pardon for some idle words
spoken, or may be he's gone to hand over some patch of land that we got
in fair and open fight. But let that pass, conscience becomes tender as
a man grows old."

Here a square built old sailor with a patch over his left eye, and who
was minus an arm and a leg cried out, "Who would spill his blood and
stand the chance of being knocked on the head, if he thought that all he
got in fair and open fight was to be given back, because a tender
conscience pules and whines. Look at me, mates! The glim of one of my
skylights is dousted, and is battened down for ever. My timber too I've
lost, and have I been lopped of my branches for nothing? All, forsooth,
because an old man's conscience pricks. Damme, lads! there's no justice
in the like o' that. Do our neighbours give up what they have grabbed?
not they; more likely to put the pistol to your head, as in days of old,
and cry out, 'Stand and deliver?' That's the way of the world, mates,
and we must not set up to be better than other folk. Haven't I a vested
interest in the old man's conquests to the extent of one arm, a leg and
an eye? Then damme, make all fast, say I!"

Another said, "The old Buccaneer is more fitted now to carry the staff
of a pilgrim than the pistol and cutlass of a pirate."

"Vast heaving, my mates," cried a voice from the crowd, "no hard names
if you please. Our master's buccaneering days are over, and there is
something so unsavoury about the name of a pirate, lads, that the word
is now never used in good society. As to whether any little bit of
business in that way is done on the sly, it is not for us to say. The
wise man's eye is not always open; but his mouth, my hearties, is
generally shut, so let us wait and see what comes of our master's
peregrination." This was all that the old coxswain contributed at this
particular part of the proceedings.

The Port Watch said there was no remedy for anything, but a shift of
watches. Some even advocated a sudden raid on the old Ship, and by
taking her by surprise to effect their purpose. Random Jack was for
doing this, and he declared his readiness to lead the assault, and his
courage was very much applauded, and not at all doubted. He was becoming
a great favourite amongst the people, who had still so much of the old
stuff left in them that they could appreciate pluck in any one. Just as
they were going to put their plan to the trial, a soft sound of music
came over the water. Music, it is known, has charms to soothe. Some
uncovered their heads reverently for they thought it was the evening
song coming from the old Church Hulk; but they were all very much
disappointed when they found out that it was only the cook accompanying
himself on his barrel organ to a hymn strung to his own praise.

This showed that the watch were not asleep. At the same time a spark, as
bright as a diamond, rested, as it were, on the bulwark of the old Ship
of State. This was caused by the rays of the setting sun impinging upon
the glass eye of the carpenter. The burly butcher, fly flapper in hand,
all ready for action, could also be seen. This made Random Jack
thoughtful. Random Jack remembered the butcher's instrument of torture
and he rubbed a part that had been more than once affected, and as he
did so, he said that in his opinion things were not quite ripe for
action, so the assault fell through, and the old Ship was allowed to
ride peacefully at anchor. Hereupon the old coxswain took the
opportunity of delivering an oration. "Mates!" he said, "let us do
nothing rashly. Hasty actions often require much time for repentance.
If so be that you can shift watches by fair means, do so; but give old
Bill Dogvane a fair chance. He is an old hand, and an able steersman,
and he has weathered many a storm." There was now a great outcry against
the coxswain; he was called a traitor; a follower of Bill's; a carpet
bag full of old wives' sayings; a bladder full of wind and such like
things; one who, if he was struck on one cheek, would turn the other.
All this abuse got old Jack Commonsense's back up, as the saying is, and
whipping out an oath or two, he exclaimed: "Damme mates! I hope as how I
am as good a Christian as the best of you, and as ready as any of you to
do my duty to my God and my neighbour; but the man who strikes me,
damme! I strike him back, or my name is not Jack Commonsense. Look you
now: do you think if any of you blustering, railing lubbers, were to
board the old Church Hulk there and strike, say, the High Priest on one
cheek, that he would straightway turn the other? If you think so, go and
try the experiment; I, for one, ain't agoing to. Mates! have we ever
fought our enemies, that our clergy, God bless them! did not bless us,
and pray for us? And while we fought with sword and pistol did they not
fight for us with their spiritual weapons? Example, my mates, is the
best precept, and our Church has never yet taught us in that way that
fighting is wrong; or that too much meekness, except from outsiders, is
to be very highly commended." When the old coxswain got upon his legs it
was hard to get him down and every stump was to him a pulpit. He
continued, "God forbid! that I should be a bully, going about the world
seeking quarrels with the weak; but God grant, my lads, that I maybe
ever ready to lead you all on against the attacks of the strong, who
threaten us, and a young woman as I keep company with will be well to
the fore, and if you are not found ready to follow old Jack and the
beggar woman, then, my lads, make ready your necks for the yoke of the
foreign invader. And it is old Jack Commonsense that says so."




CHAPTER XXII.


We are in these degenerate days singularly unfortunate in many ways. Our
means of excitement are nothing like what they used to be. The
Buccaneer's island was no exception to the general rule. Indeed time
seems to have handled him very roughly. Not that he was altogether free
from surprises. Occasionally an idiot obtained possession of a pistol,
and either tried to commit or did commit a murder. Then at times a man
was knocked down, kicked and robbed, whilst the mighty house-breaker
prowled about with pistol and crowbar in search of plunder. It is also
true that the Ojabberaways did all they could in the way of providing
excitement of a lively nature for the benefit of the old Buccaneer and
all his people; but gone were his highwaymen. The vulgar thief alone
remained. A mutiny at sea, with the murder of a crew, was a thing of the
past. Yet we have to relate a dark conspiracy, which will be for ever
known as the Cabal of the Cook's Caboose, and which might have been
productive of the gravest results. Mention has already been made of a
slight defection amongst a certain section of the crew.

It was past eight bells, and the midnight watch had been set
sufficiently long to allow all the look-out men to take up their
positions of repose. Not a sound was to be heard upon the old Ship of
State except the heavy breathing of the watchman aloft and the
monotonous tread of the look-out man aft, who had not as yet secured a
comfortable place to pass his watch in. The Church Hulk was wrapped in a
deep sleep and the Buccaneer's Chief Priest, with all his ecclesiastical
big guns, minor canons, able priests, and ordinary deacons, were fondly
locked in slumber's arms. They kept no visible look-out, but angels with
their silver wings, it was firmly believed by all devout Buccaneers,
hovered over that old ship at night and kept the devil and all his
minions away. It was only when the dusky mantle of midnight rested upon
the island that silence ever reigned supreme upon that old Church Hulk.

The look-out man on deck hailed the look-out man aloft. "What, ho
there!" he cried. "Watchman! what of the night?" The man up aloft had
evidently been deeply meditating, for something very like a yawn broke
the stillness of the air, but presently a voice came down laden with the
words: "All's well! The twinkling eyes of Heaven look down upon a world
wrapped in peaceful slumber. All's well!"

"All's well," went up from below in reply, and again there was a great
stillness. The eyes of all the houses on shore except one here and there
which sat watching for the setting out of some poor weary soul to the
regions that lie beyond the grave, were out. The dog that generally
breaks the stillness of the night on such occasions was also silent;
probably asleep. The wind even had folded her wings and had ceased to
sing her lullaby to the accompaniment of her many stringed lute.

Presently a crouching form was to be seen creeping stealthily under the
starboard side of the old Ship of State. The suspicious looking object
who was enveloped in the dark cloak and slouched hat usually worn by
conspirators and hired no doubt for the occasion, made for the cook's
galley, and in a voice scarcely above a whisper, exclaimed: "Pepper!"

"Is that you, Chips?" came from the caboose.

"The same," was the reply.

"Where are the rest?" asked the cook.

"They will be here directly," the carpenter said, as he darted into the
galley. Scarcely had he got well inside than his mate joined him, and
shortly afterwards the burly form of Billy Cheeks, the butcher, was seen
trying to conceal himself under the bulwarks. "Keep down, can't you?"
cried the cook. "You'll have the look-out man see you."

"Can't help it if he does; can't make myself any smaller than nature
made me," replied the butcher. "If I was as small as you, or a ringbolt
chaser like Chips, I might be able to do it." This was sarcasm. The
butcher loved sarcasm; but the cheery cook turned it off by saying that
Chips, and Chisel, his mate, must spokeshave Billy Cheeks down to the
ordinary and usual size of a conspirator. As the butcher did not see
anything funny in this he did not laugh; and so the joke fell like a
dead shell, quite harmless. But the cook, the carpenter, and his mate
said that Billy Cheeks was far too big for a conspirator.

All was pitch dark inside the cook's caboose. The fire had long since
been out, and it would not have been safe to strike a light. No doubt
they had their dark lanterns, for conspirators would not be fully
equipped without them, but for some reason best known to themselves,
they did not for the present produce them.

"Your programme!" cried the butcher, who generally came at once to the
point.

"Listen, my lads, and you shall hear," exclaimed the carpenter. "The old
man being away and the captain with him, we must make this the high tide
of our prosperity, and carry out as pretty a little scheme as ever
entered the head of man, although I say it, as should not. The old
coxswain is ashore amongst the landlubbers, so we have nothing to fear
from him. For the rest of the crew on board belonging to our watch,
well, if they will not join us, why, Billy, my man, you must do your
duty. First and foremost we must lighten ship."

"That is easily done," said the cook, "by flinging overboard bodily the
old man's Upper Chamber." It is wonderful what a hatred the cook had for
this room in the after part of the old ship. He himself said it was on
account of their ignorance, want of intelligence, class prejudice, and
the airs and graces they gave themselves.

"As you all know, my mates," continued the carpenter, "things ain't as
they ought to be on board this old craft; she is much too slow for the
times. When a coat becomes too old to wear, what do we do? why, chuck it
away."

The jolly little cook now had his say. "Without a doubt the old ship is
too bluff bowed for the rapid times we live in, and is more fit to drive
piles than to make way against the swift current of events. So, my lads,
I am for seizing the ship, and my little game--"

"What is that?" cried the butcher, as he laid his trembling hand upon
the carpenter's arm.

"What is what?" exclaimed the carpenter, slightly startled. "Can't you
give Pepper time to explain himself. Hurry no man's cattle, is an old
and good proverb."

"I heard a noise outside, as if someone was moving," said the butcher.

"Then take a look round, Billy," said the carpenter.

"I am too big," said the butcher, with a sneer, which was felt, though
on account of the darkness it was not seen. "Let Pepper go; he is the
smallest; no one will see him, and if they do they will take no notice."
This was veiled sarcasm, but the cook thought it better not to notice
it, because he knew the butcher could not help it.

"Let every man stick to his trade," said the cook, "my place is inside
the galley and not out."

Then up spoke the doughty carpenter. "What, my lads! is quaking fear
going to be present at our councils? Look at me. I am not afraid." As it
was pitch dark, of course nobody could see. "Chisel, my lad," he said,
addressing his mate, "show these fellows the stuff you are made of."

"And why should I do what others won't?" replied Chisel. "It is no more
my business than it is the cook's, and every man to his trade, say I,
too."

"Why don't you take a look round yourself?" cried the butcher.

"Of course I will. Thus!" exclaimed the carpenter, "does conscience make
cowards of ye all." Having delivered himself of the quotation, he took a
hasty glance through the little square hole that acted as a window in
the back part of the galley, and said there was nothing. "I knew that,"
said the cook. "That is why I did not take the trouble to look; but this
is a grievous waste of precious time." "Well, my lads," the carpenter
continued, ignoring the fact that the cook was, as the saying is, in
possession of the house, or rather, galley. "First and foremost we must
seize this old craft, run her ashore, break her up, and build a <DW74> and
span new one, upon entirely new lines. We will take a hint here and a
hint there. In such a thing our friend Jonathan would not be a bad man
to go by. Then we will board the old ship alongside, and make her
disgorge, for the general good, some of her accumulated plunder. She is
worth a pretty plum I can tell you. Been hoarding up for ages, and yet
she is always crying out poverty. Bah! there must be something wrong
somewhere, or where does all the money go? She does not apparently give
too much of it amongst the poorer part of her crew; but as she renders
no accounts we are all in the dark, my lads. It is a busy buzzing hive
of drones, though."

"As you say, Master Chips," said the cook. "She does not seem to give
much of her stored up wealth to her poor brethren, and Heaven knows that
the priestly gabardine too often covers an empty stomach, while others
amongst them lead the lives of a Dives. Does poverty and penury find
clothing or food out of her riches? Not a bit of it. Too many of her
crew, are they not proud? Have they not made an exclusive and an
aristocratic high-cast priesthood of themselves?"

"So wags the world, my mates; so wags the world," cried the carpenter.
"While one suffers from repletion, another starves. But that old Hulk is
now out of date, and she will cut up well you may be sure. Having
plundered her, and given every ecclesiastical dog a bone--no offence to
the sacred calling--we will bore a hole in her and let her sink. Then,
when we are well across the bridge that connects her with this old
craft, Chisel, my mate, shall saw the bridge through, and thus lay a
trap for the rats; let them either sink or swim."

"Rats, they say," remarked the cook, as he handled his three-pronged
toasting-fork, "always leave a sinking ship, and the ecclesiastical rat
will prove, I expect, no exception to the rule."

"Honest Pepper!" cried the carpenter, "you speak, as you always do, like
a book."

"I've some doubt on my mind, which I should like cleared up before we go
any further," said the butcher.

"Out with it, Billy, my man, out with it," exclaimed the carpenter.
"Your chest is big, but no doubt it will be the better for being
lightened, and an empty house is better than a bad tenant, any day of
the week."

"Well, you talked about running this craft ashore, and then turning your
attention to the Church Hulk; but if you do that, what is the use of
sawing the bridge in two. The bridge would be the plank we should have
to walk; with nothing but a drop of some fathoms deep into the pit we
had dug for ourselves."

"Or rather the water, Billy," said the cook, who loved his joke.

"That little error can easily be rectified by our settling with the
Church Hulk first; but these are mere details. The workers, my lads,
shall have their reward; and the clerical Lazarus shall sit down at the
same table as the clerical Dives."

"But robbing a church," said the butcher, "is about the last thing a
fellow ought to do, is it not?"

"The end, Billy, will justify the means," the carpenter remarked.

"Our master, the Buccaneer," said the cook, "was not above robbing a
church once, and who will say he did wrong? Of course his
conscience-healers will find justification for the act if he pays them
well, and as they read history by the light of faith, and not altogether
by facts, they can prove all things entirely to their own satisfaction,
and what would have been an act of robbery in others, would be, when
they were concerned, a most laudable action. Faith, as is well known, my
mates, can work wonders, and it can overcome a mountain of the most
obstinate facts with the greatest ease."

"But suppose they turn to and curse us," asked the butcher, who
evidently had some qualms of conscience.

"And suppose they do," cried the cook. "Are we a lot of old women to be
frightened by such things. Know you not the saying, Billy, that curses
come home to roost? Let them curse then."

"Where is Chisel?" the carpenter asked.

"I am here," a voice said out of the darkness.

"Not hearing you, mate, I thought you must have slipped away."

"It appears to me," replied the carpenter's mate, "that there is little
need for me to say much, considering that I am expected to do all the
dirty work."

"Who will say that anything is dirty work?" replied the cook. "The
worker purifies and elevates the work." Pepper was a philosopher. The
carpenter continued, "Mates, rest assured of this; if it suits the
Buccaneer to sacrifice his Church Ship, he will do it, for he has an
elastic conscience, which he will satisfy by saying prayers before and
after the act. And as for Dogvane, well, he will wait to see which way
the cat jumps. If he sees the time has come, why, then, the State Church
will be cast adrift. It is not the first time that old William has
robbed a church. I am not the man to say he did a wrong. Why should the
Church Hulk be kept moored alongsides of the old craft? All well enough
when she ruled the roast; but now more than two hundred sects are
outside her jurisdiction, and the Chief Priest and other officers under
him cannot at all times keep the unruly crew in order. They have their
mutinies, and their interior economy does not seem to be just as it
should be; so, my lads, she will either have to mend her ways or end
them, as has been said of another of our master's ancient
establishments."

"Which, my mates," said the cook, "you may leave to me. I will have my
knife into the Upper Chamber yet."

"After duty comes pleasure," continued the carpenter. "Having settled
the Church Hulk we must turn our attention to old Squire Broadacre. His
house is in a terrible state, and must be put in order. We must pare
down his property a bit, for there is a family called Hodge, a good,
decent, honest, and industrious, though perhaps ignorant lot, who are
but poorly off. It is the squire's duty to look after this family; but,
mates, it is well known that selfishness fills hell."

"But do you suppose that the Buccaneer is going to allow all this to be
done?" exclaimed the butcher.

"It appears to me, mates," replied the carpenter, "that our friend Billy
is going to throw cold water on all our plans."

"What is the use of our assembling here," asked the butcher, "if we are
not allowed to speak?"

"Who wants to stop your speaking?" exclaimed the carpenter. "I certainly
am not going to undertake the task, I can tell you. Our master must be
talked and wheedled over, and as for old Dogvane, well, we all know that
he has a damned tender conscience. (The oath must be pardoned. The best
of carpenters, and all sailors, swear at times.) Look here, mates, I
fancy I know as much about Captain Dogvane as most men. If he wants a
thing done, and if so be that he has set his heart upon it, bang goes
his conscience in that direction. Never was there a conscience under
better control. It says to the captain's inclination, 'which way does my
master want me to go, so that his servant may obey him?' Never yet did
Dogvane's conscience prove him wrong, and he is at all times on the best
of terms with it. Look you, our captain will say neither yea nor nay,
and he will use so many words in saying so, that everyone will be at
loggerheads, quarrelling over what he means, when in all probability he
means nothing; but is only waiting to see which way the wind is going to
blow."

Here the cook spoke: "I have great faith in the old man; but if he does
not go with us, what then? All the talent is not in one head, and as for
his first lieutenant, and one or two others, we can afford to lose them.
They are too slow for the times."

"Lads, in cases like this," cried the carpenter, "we must not mince
matters; and if the worst comes to the worst Billy Cheeks must do his
duty."

The paleness of the butcher at these ominous words was concealed. There
was a terrible hidden meaning in what the carpenter said, and it made
the butcher's flesh creep and his blood run cold.

"I am at all times prepared to do my duty," the butcher said, "at
fly-flapping the tail end of a Tory cockerel, or at stopping the cackle
of the older birds, I will give way to no man; but I love the old
captain, and I would not injure a hair of his venerable head on any
account. As we all know, he is but lightly covered."

"Who wants you to injure his hair?" cried the carpenter. "Do you think
we want you to be ship's barber as well as ship's butcher?" The
carpenter, who began to fear that he had gone too far, thought it best
to trim a bit, and therefore he advised the butcher not to be so sharp
in coming to conclusions. "Of course," he said, "it's natural that you
should put a professional aspect on things."

"There!" cried the butcher in alarm, "I heard the noise again."

"Then go and see what it is," the carpenter said in disgust.

"Ah! It makes no difference to me," the butcher replied. "If you other
fellows did not hear it, I must have been mistaken." The cook, the
carpenter, and Chisel his mate were extremely gratified at this generous
admission on the part of the butcher, and they one and all said they
never could remember the time when Billy Cheeks had owned himself in the
wrong before. The carpenter was quite softened. Even Pepper was touched,
and they all hoped that it augured no ill to the butcher, for sudden
changes in disposition and character are often the unwelcome harbingers
of speedy dissolution. They strongly advised Billy Cheeks to consult his
medical man. This painful episode for the time quite damped the spirits
of the conspirators. "If anything happens to you, Billy, where would you
like to be buried?" the cook asked. They left the butcher to think the
matter over, and after a while the carpenter continued: "Having got
possession of everything, we will all live happily together ever
afterwards." The butcher, who had recovered himself asked, "How about
the old lion which keeps watch over the Buccaneer's affairs?"

"Your hand, Billy," cried the carpenter groping about in the dark, "I
see you are better, and have taken up your character again of Chief
Obstructionist. If you don't like to join our party, go over to the
other watch. They are in want of men of substance."

"Why do you catch one up so precious sharp?" cried the butcher,
irritated. "I suppose there is no harm in asking a simple question? Who
wants to go over to the other watch? Haven't I always stood by you and
Pepper, and defended you when you were both blackguarded and abused? One
would think you two were the Buccaneer's darlings, but you are neither
of you liked, though people may laugh at you, Pepper. What is the use of
my being here, if I am to keep my mouth shut? Chisel may act the part of
a dummy if he likes, but I will not."

"Messmate, your hand," cried the carpenter again. "No offence, old man.
We are in the same boat, therefore we must pull together. There is an
old adage that applies to us."

"It is no use our quarrelling over trifles," said the cook. "The old
lion is asleep: or out of wind, and he is just about as harmless as if
he were stuffed with hair or straw, and no one fears him now let him
roar ever so loud."

"But to ease your mind, Billy," said the carpenter, "my mate shall draw
his teeth and cut his claws."

"And pray why should I have all the dirty and dangerous work to do?"
said Chisel again.

"What!" exclaimed the carpenter, in evident surprise. "Are you going to
take a leaf out of the butcher's book, mate! It seems we commented upon
your silence too soon; but if you are afraid to do the work; well let
his teeth and claws remain. Thus the difficulty is got over with ease.
After all, it is only a detail, and we will not come to loggerheads over
a detail."

"There it is again," cried the butcher, "I swear I saw something like a
hand spread out fan-shape towards me. The thumb was from me, and seemed
attached to a human nose."

This was very terrible, and the conspirators felt a creepy sensation all
over them. But the cook reassured them all, by saying, that very often
people, whose stomachs were out of order, suffered from optical
delusions. He said he felt sure Billy Cheeks must have eaten something
that had disagreed with him; so they took no further notice, and
proceeded with the business of the evening.

"Of course we shall want assistance; but we can count upon the
Ojabberaways, they are always ready for anything in the shape of a row.
They have their price, then we shall have the Hodges, and the Sikes with
us. They are all ripe for action. Now another thing presents itself. We
must have a head, no body can get along without a head."

"Some seem to get along very well without such a thing," said the cook.
This also was sarcasm. The cook loved it, and his tongue it was said was
as sharp as needles. "Well, my mates," he continued, "of course we must
have a head; but mind you, let us have no hereditary fool to fill the
office; and no baubles in the shape of crowns and court paraphernalia,
no court flunkies, my lads, to eat the bread of idleness, no court
pimps. I am dead against crowns. They are expensive articles, no matter
upon whose head they rest. Kings too often are little better than blood
suckers, and blood spillers, and all by the grace of God forsooth."

The subject of a head for the new commonwealth, or whatever it was to be
called, was of so grave a nature that for some few minutes not one of
the conspirators spoke. Evidently each one was revolving in his own mind
as to upon whom the selection ought to fall, and no doubt each could
have solved the momentous question to his own entire satisfaction; but
modesty kept their thoughts locked up. Presently the carpenter spoke.

"It's a detail," he said. They all agreed, and so the matter dropped,
not, however, before there had been a slight passage of arms between the
carpenter and the cook. "Of course," said Chips, "you are out of the
question, Pepper?"

"And why so, pray?" was the indignant reply. "I didn't say I would take
the post if it were offered me; for I am not like some people I could
mention, of an ambitious turn of mind. No matter who falls, so long as
they mount." This must have hit the carpenter very hard.

"Whoever heard of a cook being made a ruler?" the carpenter asked.

"For the matter of that, whoever heard of a carpenter?" said the cook.

"Why Pepper, my lad, where's your schooling? Does not a carpenter's son,
and one who was a carpenter himself rule the whole Christian World? But
that is neither here nor there. You are too small; you would not command
respect."

"Now I am surprised to hear a man of your ability, Chips, talk such
utter nonsense. You seem to judge men as a butcher does his meat, by the
pound. That is the sort of thing perhaps a woman might do. If that is to
be your little game, you had better hoist Billy Cheeks up at once; he is
not exactly a skeleton, and, no doubt, he would fill the place as well
as any one else."

"No offence, Pepper, no offence, mate; it is a detail," said the
carpenter.

"Then let it be a detail; and I care not who you hoist over us, so long
as our head is neither expensive nor too highly gilded. But mind you,
the lumber room must go."

They all agreed that this was a sensible way of looking at things, and
to appease the cook, no doubt, they would there and then have lightened
the ship by flinging over the whole of the Buccaneer's House of Lords,
but the heavy tread of the watchman aft made them abandon the idea for
the present; but as that ancient hereditary institution had fallen under
the cook's displeasure, it was not likely that it could survive such a
thing for long.

"What are we to do with our foreign relations?" asked the carpenter's
mate.

"Ah! Chisel, my lad, you are coming to the front," said the carpenter.

"What have we to do with foreign relations?" the cook asked. "Let them
mind their own business, and we will mind ours."

"The unfortunate thing is," said the butcher, "that they won't mind
their own business; no people will." The butcher gave another start and
declared he heard the mysterious sound at the back of the galley.

"Well, Billy!" the carpenter exclaimed, "for a big man, you have about
the smallest heart of any man I ever met."

Thus did the conspirators settle the affairs of the Buccaneer's nation.
But now another and most unmistakable sound saluted their ears. A cock
crowed loud and long. It is a well-known fact that neither spirits nor
conspirators can stand this sort of thing. "Ah!" cried the carpenter,
"there goes the shrill herald of the morn." Conspirators generally speak
in this florid manner. "The day has returned too soon. You have much to
answer for, Billy; for by your incessant interruptions you have
squandered our precious time. But no matter. My lads, one little thing
before we part. We shall want money. We cannot get on without the
needful. It is money that makes the old mare go."

"I have a scheme here," cried the cook, "of raising the necessary wind."

"Quick, Pepper, my man, where is that lamp of yours you are so fond of
flaunting before the eyes of people in the broad light of day. The torch
of Truth you call it."

"Ah! Master Chips, the light of that lamp is only shed on other people's
business. It would never do here."

It could never for a moment be supposed that these conspirators had not
their dark lanterns; and presently one was produced from the ample folds
of somebody's cloak, and they all stooped down as the cook unrolled his
plan and the light from the dark lantern fell upon the eager faces of
Billy Cheeks, the carpenter, his mate, and the cook.

"Time, mates, is short, so I come to the point. This is a bill of sale."

"So, so, a bill of sale," they all said in a low tone as they eyed the
piece of paper.

"We will have an auction," said the cook; "our foreign relations we have
decided to let go; for we get more kicks than half-pence from them; but
our colonies we will sell."

"Ha, ha!" laughed the butcher, hoarsely; "mind they don't sell you."

"At it again, Billy," said the cook; "but it shows you're recovering
from your nervous attack. Lot No. 1. The Buccaneer's well-known property
of India. A rich possession comprizing over 200,000,000 of faithful
subjects, together with forts and garrisons fully armed and equipped,
and a most lucrative trade."

"The Eastern Bandit no doubt will bid for that lot or perhaps he'll take
it," said the carpenter's mate.

"Proceed, Pepper," cried the carpenter.

"That cock won't fight," remarked the butcher. "You don't suppose our
master will allow his dusky princess to be bought or taken by his old
enemy, the Bandit."

"Go on, Pepper," cried the carpenter; "Billy's state of health is
rapidly improving. Haste, my lad, for the silver foot of day is
advancing. In a short time his eye will be over yonder house-tops, and
if he looks upon us plotting in the cook's caboose, then farewell to our
plan and perhaps to our liberty as well."

"Lot 2. Egypt. We may expect bidders for that country and 'caveat
emptor' say I. That is a country replete with articles of virtu, the
only thing is to find them. It is the proud possessor of an ancient
history. With this lot will go a discontented, harassed and
poverty-stricken people, and one or more high military reputations, and
may the devil fly away with the whole lot, say I. There are a few
others--things scarcely worth mentioning--such as the royal robes, crown
jewels, and other court paraphernalia."

Here the discussion was suddenly put a stop to by the butcher, who gave
such a start that he knocked the carpenter's mate up against the cook,
who in turn nearly overturned Chips. The lantern was upset and the light
was put out.

"What the devil is up now!" cried the cook, recovering himself.

"I saw it again," said the butcher, in a terrified whisper. They all
pitied the butcher and declared that he was, without exception, about as
uncomfortable a member of a conspiracy as could possibly be found. There
was something almost uncanny about his behaviour, and no doubt less
doughty men would have been scared. It was now too late to continue with
their plans. They one and all said that the scheme was good and wanted
scarcely for anything except the carrying of it out, which they agreed
was a mere matter of detail. They complimented the cook upon his
suggested method of raising the necessary wind. They were all very well
pleased one with another, and as the carpenter dismissed them, he said:
"Bless ye, my lads! Away to your bunks, my honest fellows. The silver
king treads close upon the heels of the sable queen, so away and snatch
a few hours of repose. Then arise and buckle to your work. Mix well
amongst the people ashore. Sow broadcast the seeds of discontent, and so
prepare the way for action. The womb of time is big with great events.
Be civil, my mates, to the wild Ojabberaways, for at times it is
necessary to hold the candle to the devil himself. If we do not square
them, the other watch will."

"The greedy office grabbers," cried the cook, "will leave no stone
unturned to get the helm; but we must dish them. For my part I have
always found the Ojabberaways a merry and clever lot of gentlemanly
devils."

"To their many wants then," exclaimed the carpenter, "lend a kindly ear;
but keep your own counsel. Be thrifty of your words unless you use them
as our noble captain does, to conceal your thoughts. Away then, my lads!
What, does no one move? It is too late for ghosts to prowl about, and of
other things what have you to fear?"

"Who is afraid, Master Chips?" the cook asked indignantly, "I was only
thinking."

"Vast heaving, my hearties, while the cook thinks," cried the carpenter.
"In the meantime I will take a look round, the watchman may be about."
Chips drew his cloak round him and pulled his slouched hat well down
over his eyes; then with the stealthy walk peculiar to conspirators he
took a look round. Just as he reached the back of the cook's galley, he
heard what sounded like a splash in the water. It made him start; and
his heart beat hard against his side, his hair stood on end, and he had
to lean against the water-butt for support. "Pshaw!" he cried as he
shivered in the chill morning air, "I am getting as bad as Billy
Cheeks." The look-out man from aloft cried out, "All's well." Thus
reassured, the carpenter told his companions that the coast was clear,
so with cloaks well wrapped round them and hats well slouched they
sneaked away to their beds.




CHAPTER XXIII.


It was but a narrow strip of water that separated the old Sea King, or
Buccaneer, from his neighbours on the mainland. But narrow as the strip
was it had been and it was of the greatest service to him; for it kept
from his shores the numerous bands of robbers that infested the
mainland. Of course things had very much improved of recent years, but
still occasional robberies took place even now, and when an opportunity
offered it was not allowed to pass by. Since the world began it has been
said that honest men are few and rogues are many.

There can be very little doubt that the veneer called civilisation has
done much for the world. It would appear, however, that when people are
collected together into a nation, they cannot even now look upon the
richness of a neighbour, without having some feelings of envy, and
experiencing a slight itching sensation at the ends of the fingers.

Indeed, the study of history, and human nature generally, would lead us
to believe that man is not only a very lazy fellow by nature, never
working unless necessity compels him to; but that he is also a thief,
and is only honest by compulsion, or by learning that it is to his
personal advantage to be so. This much we may have hinted before. For
mankind in general we have the highest admiration and consideration; but
we cannot hide from ourselves the fact that it has with many virtues,
also very many faults, and love of other people's property seems to be
one.

Man we will not run down or decry. Look you at the savage! There is a
great nobility about him, and in some things he compares most favourably
with his highly cultivated and civilised brother. The latter is perhaps
the proud possessor of a great intellect, of rank, of high position,
having a long line of ancestors to decorate the walls of his ancestral
hall. He may be the proud possessor of vast wealth, in fact, of
everything that leads to human greatness, and yet see how he sneaks into
a room as if he were some mean thing and thoroughly well ashamed of
himself. Contrast with this man the noble bearing of the savage, every
movement is as full of dignity, as, in all probability, his only blanket
is of insects. This man feels himself a lord of creation. His mantle
above alluded to he throws over his shoulders with an easy grace. His
only possession perhaps is his spear or tomahawk which he is ever ready
to bury in the stomach of an enemy or in the friendly earth. Then the
savage is silent, and when he does speak, he does not prove himself a
wind bag, but he speaks in measured tones, and with dignity and very
much to the point. There is none of that senseless gabbling which is
such a mark of Western civilisation, and which at times is so extremely
confusing and even distressing. He does not wash, you say? Good people
all, here the peculiar and special prejudice of civilisation presents
itself. Yes, the tub crowns your Western edifice; but did your Saint
James ever use the bath? The platter is well washed without, but within?
The savage is a noble being, though perhaps the rain that falls from a
generous heaven is the only washing he ever gets.

The imagination loves to dwell upon the ideal. It peoples the garden of
Eden with beautiful and naked innocence. It loves to sing of the gentle
shepherd, who, decked in ribbons and becoming fancy pastoral garments,
pipes and dances to his flocks all day long, and in other ways wastes
his employer's time. Strip the gentle shepherd of the clothing
generously given him by the imagination and you find him a very rough
fellow indeed, not given to singing so much as to cursing, and instead
of dancing, is more ready to knock anyone on the head who interferes
with his sheep-stealing propensities. We speak, good people all, of
early pastoral times, of what we may call the ancient shepherd period.

Heaven forbid! that we should say one word against civilisation. Do we
wish to live in a state of society which was so easily excited that if a
man but sneezed some fiery fellow would fancy himself insulted and out
with his bodkin and put it through one? Heaven forbid! we say again.
But, good people all, the struggle for existence is great. The weakest
at all times go to the wall. The noble savage allows his weakly and
sickly offspring to die; perhaps even at times he assists nature,
occasionally knocking an aged parent on the head, saving thereby much
pain and suffering on the one side, and trouble and anxiety on the
other. But see what your civilisation does. See how far superior it is;
how supremely human. It calls in that eminent physician Dr. Science, and
with his help your sickly human weeds are nourished and reared until
they are old enough and strong enough to marry and multiply. Weeds
produce weeds and quickly. A sickly body can only sustain a sickly mind,
and so the world wags and whole peoples become undermined. What would we
do? Nothing. We sit and watch things taking their course, and note the
many advantages that civilisation has over barbarism.

It is an old, old tale, yet in the telling of it nature alone is not
prosy. She has such a way of telling the same story over and over again
and ever varying it some little in the telling. What wonderful powers of
variation has our mother! Take a million faces and by some subtle
combination of the same features she gives an individuality to each. But
to return to our noble savage. In a rough and ready fashion he surmounts
the difficulty of his useless members of society. By an extensive and
well-organised system, civilisation finds out the exact amount of
sustenance it takes to keep the body and soul together in an aged
broken-down pauper. Then separating an aged couple, who perhaps have
borne the brunt of many a misfortune together, it allows them to drain
to the last drop the dregs of life, holding up to them as a consolation
the plenty that lies in paradise. Civilisation justly condemns the
inhuman custom of the otherwise noble savage; but does not deny itself
the inward satisfaction of a sigh of relief when some person who, having
lingered perhaps a trifle too long over his or her exit, eventually
goes. "Poor soul," they say, "it is a happy release. Gone to a better
and a happier world, no doubt." A pauper's funeral brightens a district
and carries, if not joy, at least no sorrow to the hearts of the
guardians of the poor.

We never said that civilisation was a gigantic workshop where hypocrites
and humbugs are turned out by the thousands every day, whilst its
religion occupies itself in manufacturing Pharisees. We have pointed
out, if we have not demonstrated, the admirable laws by which
civilisation works as regards the welfare of the poor, and we have shown
the care that it takes of its sickly weeds, given to them such eminent
advantages and allowing them to contaminate a whole community with their
sickliness. We have acknowledged how in all respects, with the sole
exception of grace and bearing, civilisation is superior to the savage
state. But this much we will say, many savages we have seen who are very
much more gentle in their manners; very much more honourable and even
refined in their feelings, and very much more humane, than the roughs of
civilisation. No doubt every civilised family has its extremely black
sheep. The Buccaneer certainly had his, and compared with them, the
gentle savage is a well-bred gentleman.

Then look at your pale-faced drudge of civilisation. With bent back and
emaciated face and smarting eyes, her thin but nimble fingers stitch on
from early morning, till after the weary sun has sunk to rest. On, on,
she works with scanty food, and in an impure atmosphere. Poor soul, has
civilisation done much for her? Has it buttered her bread more thickly
or sweetened more her tea? Is her lot any better than that of her sister
who toils and slaves out in the open, while her brave lies and basks in
the sun of idleness?

But we have wandered far from that narrow strip of water that divided
the Buccaneer from his neighbours on the mainland. It had been to him as
a magic belt, and worth more than thousands of men. His neighbours had
to look on and long and wonder perhaps how it was that such a man had
been allowed to prosper. But all have heard of the row in the kitchen,
between the pot and the kettle. His neighbours, however, repudiated with
scorn any evil intentions and they only kept themselves armed to the
teeth to keep wicked robbers and cut-throats away; but it was a wonder
to many people where they could be, because, if asked, all declared that
all they wished for was to be allowed to live in peace, and quietude, so
that they might enjoy the reward of their honest, industrious, and
highly respectable lives, and fit themselves for heaven.




CHAPTER XXIV.


Arriving on the shores of his nearest neighbour, Madame France, the
Buccaneer landed, and as he intended to make a few calls inland, he sent
his yacht round to the Golden Horn with orders to await there his
arrival.

The Buccaneer took off his hat and made his politest bow; but his
reception was by no means as cordial as he had expected. As is well
known by all those who have experienced it, there is nothing so freezing
as the cold politeness of a haughty beauty. It requires more brazen
effrontery than even old Dogvane had, to carry it off with a high handed
dignity as if nothing was wrong. That Madame France was beautiful there
could be no doubt, and she would have made the blood quicken in the
veins of the most eminent saint, and as for a sinner! well, there is no
use going into particulars.

It is more than probable that the charms of this lady were not lost upon
either the Buccaneer or his trusty captain William Dogvane. Then, as if
the devil was in it, Madame had added to her natural beauty, by calling
in the assistance of every art. Her figure was neat and most attractive,
and her dress left nothing to be desired. In her display of charms she
was generous without being coarse and vulgar, and her short kirtle
discovered the prettiest of ankles, and just enough of a well-shaped leg
to be peculiarly attractive. Even old Bill felt young again and his eyes
glistened with delight, and he was no less inclined to be gallant than
his master, who for the time forgot the precept taught him by his
religion about coveting other people's goods.

Having coldly acknowledged the salutation she turned her back upon her
visitors and pouted her pretty lips. "Master Dogvane," said the
Buccaneer addressing that worthy, "there is not much cordiality here."

"It beats me altogether, sir," the captain replied, "but there is no
understanding women, and, as everyone knows, Madame here is peculiarly
fickle and uncertain. They all seem to go by the rule of contrary. She
is an arrant coquette I'll be bound; but, Master, what a pretty foot and
what a lovely leg."

"Dogvane!" cried the Buccaneer as he gazed upon the attractions alluded
to, "you forget yourself." Then addressing the haughty beauty he said,
"Madame, in what have I been so unfortunate as to meet with your
displeasure? It is many years now since we had any cause for quarrel and
all old wounds I trust are healed, and as I bear no malice, Madame, I
hope you bear none. How then have I displeased you?"

"Monsieur, your memory methinks is short. Was I not set upon and beaten?
Was I not hurt and bleeding? Was I not struck down until I bit the dust,
and you never held out a hand to help me? Monsieur, my memory is better,
I do not forget, I never shall."

"Oh! damn these violent memories!" exclaimed Dogvane aside.

"But, Madame, that is now an old old story," the Buccaneer replied. "Is
it right to carry resentment so far? Is it acting up to the religion
that we both profess?"

"Monsieur's reputation for piety is extremely great," said his fair
neighbour, while a sneer played round her pretty mouth; she then added,
"An injury, Monsieur, is never old."

"Madame!" cried the Buccaneer still wishing to appease, "you had my
extreme sympathy."

"Sympathy!" cried Madame France, "sympathy! of what avail is that
against battalions?"

"I dressed your wounds, I attended your sick and I sent you money, lint,
and plaster."

"Sent me money!" exclaimed Madame France scornfully. Then suddenly
changing her manner to a tone of polite sarcasm she said, "Pardon,
Monsieur! I had forgotten, yes, you sent me money. It must have been a
great sacrifice for you to part with what you love so well. The
shopkeeper does not like to drain his till, even for a friend in need. I
beg Monsieur's pardon a thousand times. I did not too fully appreciate
his kindness. I have not sufficiently thanked my mercantile neighbour.
Permit me, Monsieur," she said with a profound curtsey, "to thank you
for your extravagant consideration and extreme sympathy."

The Buccaneer was going to reply; but Dogvane, fearing a storm, almost
dragged his master away. "But this is not as it should be, Dogvane. It
is not right."

As they went away Madame France muttered something, but the only word
that reached the Buccaneer was "perfidious." This was an old retort.

"This is not right, Master Dogvane!" he cried.

"Decidedly wrong, sir. The grossest piece of ingratitude I have ever
experienced. Ah! we can plainly see, she has not forgiven you for
remaining neutral in her last row with her burly neighbour inland. But a
stale page of history is that."

"Master Dogvane, even a woman's resentment cannot last too long. There
must be something else. Have you, Master Dogvane, been doing anything to
put her out?"

"I can tax my memory with nothing, sir; but the other watch, who can
tell what they've been up to? Softly, my master, softly. For heaven's
sake come away. Say nothing to increase her anger. The least said,
soonest mended. Is she not fair to look upon?" added Dogvane looking
back as did Lot's wife. "What ripe lips!"

"What has that to do with it?"

"Nothing, sir, nothing; what a lovely foot! what an ankle too! what a
comely leg!"

"What the devil, I say again, has that to do with it?" cried the
Buccaneer.

"Nothing, sir, nothing. I merely ventured the remark that she was
comely. No doubt that other watch have been at their handiwork. Master,
you are a bit too brusque in your manner. Women don't like it; if you
had flattered more, you would have pleased more. You should have praised
her beauty; gone into an ecstasy of delight over her many charms. Do
you not think, sir, that the kirtle was an inch or two too long?"

The Buccaneer turned sharply upon his captain and rebuked him, told him
plainly that although he was captain of his watch, he had no business to
cast eyes upon his fair neighbour. Then he said, "She quarrelled with a
friend of mine, and you are for ever telling me that I ought not to
interfere, in things that don't concern me."

"You acted in that little affair, sir, like an upright, honest,
gentleman; but do what you will you cannot please everyone. You did your
best to prevent a row and you could do no more. But that is not where
the shoe pinches. The other watch no doubt, the other watch. Let her
alone, my master, to cool. When a woman is enraged, there is no arguing
with her. No doubt some domestic trouble has disturbed her. She has
always something on. Ah! I see it now," exclaimed Dogvane stopping
short. "Some time ago she went in largely for old china and we all know
that is an expensive luxury and probably the bill was larger than she
expected. There are a thousand little things, trifles as light as air,
in every household, that though hidden from the eye of the casual
observer, help to ruffle the temper even of the most amiable woman. Did
you notice, sir, her well turned ankle and shapely leg?" The old
Buccaneer either did not hear, or did not approve of Dogvane's continued
allusion to Madame France's charms. The captain, thinking he was still
grieving over his cold reception, sought to console him by saying, "What
though Madame France be cold and turn her back upon you, I feel
confident that the island of Sark is with you to a man."

"The island of Sark!" exclaimed the Buccaneer in astonishment, "what has
that to do with it?"

"Everything, sir," replied Dogvane. "For the island of Sark if not
actually France is very near to it; and the moral support of such a
place is not to be despised."

The Buccaneer seemed lost in meditation, from which he was only aroused
by Dogvane exclaiming: "Ah! here we are, sir, at the door of your worthy
German cousin, with whom you are allied by blood, by the holy bonds of
wedlock, and by religion."

The mighty Von was sitting outside, in his garden overlooking the waters
that divided him from his beautiful neighbour. He had a tankard by his
side and a pipe in his mouth, for he was a great smoker.

The Buccaneer found that his reception here was scarcely more cordial
than what it had been elsewhere. "Have I in any way done my worthy
friend an injury?" the Buccaneer asked, turning to Dogvane.

"God forbid, sir, that you should do any man an injury," was the reply.
"It has been my constant endeavour to keep you at peace with all men."
This perhaps was true, but the result was not satisfactory.

"Give me an honest grip of thy friendly hand, neighbour," the Buccaneer
exclaimed, as he held out his. The Von held out his but there was
nothing hearty in the shake. "How is this, friend, thy grip used to be
harder?" said the Buccaneer.

"Mein hand is mein own," replied the mighty Von.

"Tell me in what I have offended thee. If I have done thee an injury I
will make amends. What, will my old friend not speak?"

"Mein counsel like mein hand is mein own, mein friend, and I keep them
both."

"How do you account for this, Master Dogvane?" asked the Buccaneer,
somewhat crestfallen.

"It is passing strange, sir, and I can only think that this is another
piece of handiwork of the other watch. Their capacity for bungling is
extremely great. But come away, sir. There is an old adage which says,
'it is ill to waken sleeping dogs.' It applies here." So saying he led
his master away; but before they had gone very far Dogvane again stopped
short. "Stay, I do remember there was some trivial dispute about a patch
of barren land. Tut, tut, to think now that so great a friend should be
affronted at such a trifle. The exact merits of the case have now
escaped me; but as I was prepared to give way all round there need be
no ill feeling on such a subject; only to think now--but there, some
people are that touchy that there is no pleasing them." The captain now
began to sing to an old well-known song, some words of his own--

    "The Von a mighty man is he with large and sinewy arms."

"Dogvane, cease; this is no time to exercise your vocal powers. I have
been a good friend to my German relations. I verily believe that I
support half his army in the bands that are for ever braying out their
discordant sounds in my streets. Then are not my own people constantly
at me for employing my foreign relations to the prejudice of my own
children? and with some show of justice too, for German bakers make my
bread, German tailors make most of my clothes, and German Jews are
constantly draining away my money. Do I not find royal wives for German
princelets, and do I not dower them handsomely into the bargain? and yet
they give me the cold shoulder in return. No matter who dances, Master
Dogvane, it seems to me it is I who have to pay the piper. To one of my
worthy friend's sons, poor fellow, I begrudged nothing, for he was a
king of kings and a fine manly fellow, and one who will never die."

"Marriage, my master, often severs families instead of uniting them.
This only bears out what I am constantly telling you, and that is to
have as little as possible to do with your relations. But, master, a
good deal of what we call ingratitude in others is due to faults in
ourselves. We start by expecting more than we deserve, and are
disappointed when we only get our deserts; but, of course, we never
think of putting the saddle on the right back."

Our two travellers, weary, thirsty, and dust-stained, now came to
Austria, and were in hopes of getting a more friendly reception; such a
one, in fact, that would justify them in staying there and breaking
bread and drinking a flagon of wine for the sake of good fellowship. But
no, Dogvane had managed to tread upon the toes of Austria, and had got
himself disliked even here. He swore it was a part of that terrible
inheritance he had received over from the other watch. According to his
own account, no man was ever so unfortunate.

Dogvane now entered upon a most lengthy and learned explanation upon the
quality of gratitude, and what he said upon such a matter would deserve
the greatest consideration, but weightier things still, attended upon
their footsteps.

A messenger arrived post haste to say, that information had been
received through the proper official channel, that the great Bandit of
the East was behaving himself in an altogether unaccountable and strange
manner. In fact, that he had broken into one Abdur's garden, and was
playing, what was called in unofficial language general, Old Harry,
there.

"Here is another of your confounded foreign relations cropping up," said
Dogvane to himself.

"How about this, Master Dogvane?" exclaimed the Buccaneer.

"Why, this sort of thing, sir, has been going on for ages, and it is
nothing more nor less than a party trick of the other watch, at the
bottom of which, no doubt, is that mischievous young imp, Random Jack. I
have myself frequently asked the Eastern Bandit about these unsavoury
reports, and his smile was childlike and bland as he replied, that if
anything was going on wrong, he knew nothing about it. He is a truthful
and a Christian man and would not tell a lie, not for the whole Empire
of India. At least, if he would, I have no official information upon the
subject."

"Well, Master Dogvane, the readiest way to set the matter at rest is to
go and see for ourselves."

"That would be a most undignified proceeding, sir. You cannot expect
foreign nations to respect you if you go and poke your nose into other
people's dustbins. Besides, sir, it would be a most unconstitutional
thing; and before undertaking it, we at least ought to retrace our steps
home and set the official mind at work to find out a precedent. Then if
such a thing can be found, which I very much doubt, we will at once
proceed to the scene of action, and throw the light of our official eye
upon the Eastern Bandit, who, no doubt, being dazzled and frightened by
such an unusual occurrence, will fear some revolution of nature, and so
retire to his own ground."

"Master Dogvane, the official coach is far too slow for an occasion like
this. We can walk the distance very much quicker, so set thy face to the
East and march. And on our way we will pay the honest Turk a visit."

"Oh lord!" exclaimed Dogvane to himself, "here is another kettle of
fish. Sir, are we not tired, hungry, and thirsty? And the weather is
much too warm for such a journey. But, if go we must, gallivanting about
in the East, we shall save a little, sir, if we leave this Turk on our
right hand."

"Master Dogvane, the Turk is a friend of mine. We have fought side by
side against the Eastern Bandit, and may be we shall have to do so
again. I will therefore pay my respects to him."

"I would kick him bag and baggage out of Europe if I had my way,"
muttered old Dogvane.

The Buccaneer found the head of the Moslem world pensively smoking his
chibouck. "Ah!" said he, "you, at least, my honest friend, will not turn
your back upon me. I have at least you to fall back upon."

"Monsieur, I salute you," said the Turk with extreme politeness. "When
you want to get anything out of me you call me friend and honest Turk;
when you do not, I am a rogue, a vagabond, and little better than a
barbarian. A while since, and your captain was for kicking me, bag and
baggage, out of Europe." Dogvane was a little taken aback at having been
overheard, but he soon recovered himself and was ready to argue that if
his words were taken properly they could bear no such signification.

The Buccaneer was so taken by surprise that he could not speak, while
Dogvane, shading his eyes with his hand, cast a look towards the
beautiful Golden Horn, to see if the yacht was there, for he was weary
of travelling, and had become what is called home-sick, and had he never
had to consider things abroad, the chances are it would have been very
much better for his reputation, and for that of his master. He said,
"What is the use of your meandering in foreign parts, sir, you have a
nice, snug, well-feathered little nest in the Western Ocean, where
everything smiles upon you. There lies your yacht; then let us aboard:
weigh anchor, and make for the rosy bed of the setting sun."

The Turk interrupted: "It suits your purpose, mon ami," he said,
addressing the Buccaneer, "to seek my friendship now. But the honest
Turk was not born yesterday, and he is very much more than seven, so he
allies himself with those who will not cast him off when they have no
further need of him."

This roused the suspicions of the Buccaneer. "Whatever you do," he
cried, "do not ally yourself with the Eastern Bandit. Give him a wide
berth or he will pluck you to your last feather."

"An open enemy," replied the Turk, "is better than a treacherous friend.
Pat my back to-day; kick--but no matter, Allah is good! There is but one
God, and Mohammed is his prophet."

"Treacherous friend," ejaculated the Buccaneer, turning to the captain.
"Does the Turk call me treacherous, Master Dogvane?"

"Heaven forbid such a thing, sir! The Turk merely made a general remark,
which in the abstract no doubt is true. But, master, leave the Turk
alone. If you do not come speedily away he will borrow of you for a
certainty."

"But he has been my friend, Master Dogvane, for these many years."

"True, sir; and you have treated him more kindly than you usually do
your friends, whom you occasionally fall out with; even coming to blows
at times. But the Turk's friendship, good master, is of a costly kind.
He is a ready borrower, but a tardy payer. Look at the money he has
spent in riotous living? Honest enough, no doubt; but as he is always
out at elbows he cannot afford to indulge in such a luxury. A needy
friend, good master, is a constant source of annoyance; for when poverty
comes, pride goes, and your friend soon sinks into the degraded position
of a most importunate and shameless beggar."

"I do not like to turn my back upon a friend just because he is down in
the world, Master Dogvane."

"The feeling does you credit; it is noble; but, good sir, we must draw
a line, lest at any time we give countenance to vice. We often deceive
ourselves, and act as we think, generously, either out of idleness or
fear, lest the babbling world should condemn us for want of kindness to
those in need. God forbid that you should forsake a friend because he is
down! But when a man has brought his suffering and misfortunes upon
himself, then, good master, sympathy is bestowed upon a worthless
object. Why should you assist one who will not help himself? Who so long
as he can borrow will spend? The Turk will not live within his means,
and you have found, sir, that you cannot enjoy his friendship without
paying heavily for it." With reflections like these Dogvane led his
master away, and the Turk watched their retreating steps with
half-closed eyes; but yet he was not asleep; but the precise nature of
his thoughts cannot, for obvious reasons, be disclosed.

"Oh for a sniff of the fresh sea air!" cried Dogvane, as he looked
wistfully towards the ocean. "To feel yourself once more afloat, master,
with your empire beneath your feet, and your good little ship dancing
merrily to the music of the waves, would make a different man of you."

"Aye, aye, Master Dogvane, perhaps it would; but I have other fish to
fry just at present. Those were merry days when I ploughed the seas in
search of adventure, and it all comes back to me like a dream. I fancy I
hear now the clack, clack of my many windlasses; the yo! heave-ho! of my
merry men, as they sheeted home their sails, and mast-headed their
yards. The brave sea fights; the brilliant actions of my lads; the
sinking of the enemy's ships, all, all comes back upon me. I fancy I can
see my merry men, pike in hand, swarming over the ship's sides, while we
poured in broadsides muzzle to muzzle. I almost hear their shouts. They
strike, they strike, Dogvane, while our colours still fly proudly over
us, nailed to the mast. See the ocean blurred with their life's blood.
Ah! it is past, Dogvane, it is past. Lend me thy shoulder, man, lend me
thy shoulder, for my eyes are dim. Alas! they are clouded by memory. Are
those good old days gone, never, never to return?"

Dogvane had learned from experience that when his master had on him one
of these fits of despondency, the best thing to be done was to let him
alone. He contented himself with saying, "Every age, my master, has its
advantages. We cannot say that the spring is more beautiful than the
summer, nor yet the summer than the autumn, while hoary-headed winter is
not free from charms."




CHAPTER XXV.


Away our two friends journeyed until they came to a high eminence which
commanded a good view of all the country round. At their feet was spread
the garden of Abdur, and in the distance was to be seen the El Dorado of
the East. The fair lands of the Buccaneer's Indian Princess. How lovely
it all looked; the hot sun streaming down on plains covered with jungle
and the tall cocoanut trees with their long stems and bushy heads; and
the shady plaintain with its long, broad leaves. Then rivers wound
through the plain like huge silver serpents making their endless way to
the sea.

As may be easily imagined, the Buccaneer who was not accustomed to such
lengthy and arduous journeys, was completely done up, for the ascent had
been steep and difficult; often had he stopped to admire the scenery, an
excuse generally made by the weary, who are too proud to admit that they
are in the smallest degree overcome. Rivulets of perspiration were
running down the old gentleman's face, and it took him some time to mop
himself and gain his breath. Dogvane, as the saying is, had not turned a
hair. Whether this was on account of the paucity of that article, or the
general leanness of his condition, it is not necessary to say.

The Buccaneer sat and contemplated in silence the beauty of the scene
before him, while the captain of his watch looked through the left
corner of his eye towards Abdur's home. Presently a shout in that
direction made the Buccaneer start from his happy reverie, and turning
to his left there he saw the Eastern Bandit, apparently enjoying himself
in Abdur's garden, and not keeping to the pathways either, but trampling
borders and beds under foot. "Hallo! Master Dogvane," exclaimed the
Buccaneer, "sure enough there he is at his handiwork, just as we were
told."

"Be not too hasty, master," Dogvane replied. "Things are not always as
they seem; so somebody has said, and I believe him. We are absolutely
without any official information on the subject, while, on the contrary,
I have the august Bandit's word for it, that he wants nothing out of
Abdur's garden, and I believe him, for the fruit is of a prickly kind,
and not at all enticing. In fact, more fit for asses than for human
beings."

"Facts are stubborn things, Master Dogvane, and seeing surely is
believing."

"Not always, sir; for how many people are deceived by their eyes? one
swearing he saw one thing, another swearing the very reverse. Things are
deceptive, more especially when seen through glasses dimmed by
prejudice." Dogvane said nothing about the dimness of the official eye,
which is well known to be as nearly blind as possible, without being
absolutely so. He put his glass up and took a survey, taking good care
that that part of Abdur's garden where the Bandit was should not come
within his range. "For my part," he said, "I do not think the Eastern
Bandit is in Abdur's garden. You may depend upon it, sir, he is merely
going through the time honoured custom of beating the bounds."

"Then you go down, Master Dogvane, and see that the boundaries are
fairly marked."

"It has ever been the custom to take some small boy, and by bumping him
or whipping him upon the breech at certain places, to engraft the
boundaries indelibly upon his memory. I am too old a man for this. It is
a thousand pities that we have not young Random Jack with us. He is for
ever wishing to render you some signal service, as much to make a name
for himself as to do good to you. Now, this would be an excellent
opportunity for him to show his zeal, and I regret extremely that the
lad is not here. It would be well worth while to send for him."

Dogvane's meditations were put a stop to by the Buccaneer exclaiming, as
he brought down his telescope and shut up the slides with a bang: "As I
hope to be saved, Master Dogvane, the Bandit is in our friend Abdur's
garden!" Here he opened his spy-glass again and took another look. "And
what is more," he added, "the rascal seems inclined to lay his hands
upon what does not belong to him."

Fat as the Buccaneer had grown, and lazy as his prosperity and good
living had made him, he did at times rouse himself, and when he did he
frequently flew into the most violent fits of passion, and made use of
the most terrible language, and altogether forgetting that he was a
Christian he would swear like any Turk, or the proverbial trooper. Our
friend was now seized with a warlike epidemic, which, as a rule, is very
infectious. He was for fighting his old enemy at once, for he felt fully
persuaded that he must be in the wrong. Dogvane, the man of peace, tried
to calm his master down, and begged him to take things quietly; saying
that it was time enough to draw the sword when diplomacy failed.

The Buccaneer when he heard that word, ripped out several oaths of such
a nature, as to make Dogvane's hair stand on end. This annoyed the
Buccaneer still more, and he requested Dogvane, in tones not to be
disobeyed, not to do it. The captain apologized, and declared it was the
"wind, and nothing more;" showing that his mind was far away. The
Buccaneer, however, quickly brought him back to his senses, by
commanding him to ask the Eastern Bandit, in the politest manner
possible, what the devil he meant, by trespassing upon other people's
property. Of course, things had to be done in a proper way, and strictly
according to custom. Dogvane knew very well that it was quite useless to
ask the Eastern Bandit for any information, because, whatever his
intentions might be, it was not at all likely that he would disclose
them. To do so, would be to act in a manner altogether undiplomatic. But
obedient to his master's commands, the captain of the watch went to a
small rivulet that sprang out of the mountain side close by. This tiny
stream after bounding from rock to rock of its mountain bed, fell down
into the plain below, and then widening and growing deeper and deeper,
rolled lazily through Abdur's garden, refreshing its parched soil with
its grateful waters.

Dogvane put his hand to the side of his mouth and sent down on the bosom
of the rivulet a request couched in the most polite language to know
what the great Bandit of the East was about. Back came a voice from the
plains below, saying, "The august Bandit of the East, the master of many
millions of slaves, requests the Buccaneer of the West to mind his own
business."

"Tells me to mind my own business, does he? And call you that a
diplomatic answer, Master Dogvane?"

"Most assuredly," replied the captain. "It would have been quite as easy
for him to have told you to go to the devil. How can you find fault with
him, or anyone else, for telling you to mind your own business. It is
what every right-minded and honest man ought to do."

"But it is what every right-minded and honest man does not like to be
told to do. This business is mine, Master Dogvane. Do you not see that
he is putting his huge foot forward?"

"My eyesight in such things is somewhat dim; but be not hasty. In times
past, sir, your rashness has led you into sad trouble. For all we know
the Eastern Bandit does but stretch his leg, preparatory to making a
backward movement. For my part, I think this must be so. I go so far as
to say that it is so; for I have entered into an agreement with him; or
it may be an arrangement, or even a sacred covenant."

"The devil take your covenant!" cried the Buccaneer, "I am going to see
into this little matter myself," and away the old gentleman started off,
with a speed that endangered his neck. Dogvane needs must follow; but he
was not so good going down as up a hill on occasions like this. "Steady,
my master! Steady!" he cried. "The more haste, the less speed. God
forbid that we should not uphold the sacred ties of friendship; but,
sir, I beg you; I beseech you, not to be rash. Remember, those who
quarrels interpose, often wipe a bloody nose. Let us try the gentle
force of reason first, then if that fails--"

"What then, Master Dogvane?" said the Buccaneer, stopping and turning
round to confront his captain.

"Time, sir, and the course of events alone can tell. In a good cause,
in a righteous cause, old Will Dogvane will be found ever ready to draw
the sword."

"Damme! Dogvane, there's life in the old dog yet."

"Sir, swear not; it makes my blood curdle in my veins."

"Dogvane! Dogvane!" cried the Buccaneer, "As I live he is beating
Abdur's children!"

"And why not, sir? why not? no doubt, they richly deserve it. Have you
not taken the liberty of doing the self same thing yourself?"

They were now very much closer, and Dogvane put up his glass to his
official eye, and declared he saw nothing out of the way going on. This
so irritated the Buccaneer, that he performed something in the nature of
a miracle, and he made Dogvane receive his sight. He owned that he did
see something in the nature of a beating taking place. Then he said by
way of excuse: "You can not expect, sir, to have a monopoly of beating
other people's children. But at any rate," he continued, "the time has
come for us to show the Eastern Bandit that we are not to be trifled
with. We are now near enough for him to see. The man who will not stand
up for a friend in need, deserves to be branded with the name of
coward."

"Bravo, Dogvane!" exclaimed the Buccaneer, "I don't care for sentiment,
as a rule; for it generally cloaks some infernal rascality; but damme
that's a good sentiment, and one to my liking."

Dogvane felt an honest pride in having thus pleased his master. He felt
also encouraged, so taking off his coat and turning up his shirt sleeves
he said, "When the Eastern Bandit sees the sinews of my goodly arms, he
will, no doubt, become frightened, and pause ere he provokes me to
anger; but, master, you will stand by me?"

"Through thick and thin, Dogvane!"

"It will be a costly affair, for I needs must make gigantic
preparations. I shall have to go into training."

"Name but your sum, Dogvane, and it is yours," cried the fighting old
Buccaneer in an ecstasy of delight.

"It cannot be done comfortably, sir, under L11,000,000," replied the
captain.

"It is yours, Dogvane! It is yours, I am rich, and I am generous."

"Has the taking off of my coat in any way frightened him, my master?
Your eyesight is better than mine."

"Not a bit, Dogvane. The beggar is dancing about just as if the whole
place belonged to him. Go in, old man, and win. Nail your colours to the
mast," the old sea king could not forget his early days, with its quaint
language. "And may God defend the right!" he piously exclaimed as he
took off his hat and raised his eyes devoutly to heaven. Of course there
could be little doubt in the Buccaneer's own mind as to who was in the
right. As has already been stated he fully believed that God was always
on his side, and if he did come off second best, it was the Devil who
for some good reason was allowed, for the time being, to prevail against
him. This is a pardonable vanity and is shared by many other pious and
devout people. With Dogvane it was different. He was blessed, or cursed
according to the way it is looked at, with a most tender conscience, and
though he never allowed it for any length of time to stand in his way,
it caused him so to act, that people condemned him as a splitter of
straws and a weigher of scruples. While he was thus occupied he
generally allowed the golden opportunity to pass by and thus he
frequently brought his wares to the market a day or so after the fair.
And many a time the words "too late" were hung out over the gate he
wished to enter at.

Scarcely had the Buccaneer finished the above pious ejaculation than
Dogvane's stout right arm fell listlessly to his side. He drooped his
head as he repeated, in a low tone of voice, the words of his master:
"And may God defend the right! That sends a cold thrill through every
vein in my body. Suppose," he said, addressing his master. "Suppose; I
say suppose, my master, we are in the wrong, what a weight of
blood-guiltiness will rest upon our heads? Suppose we are in the wrong,
and being in the wrong we spill the blood of a fellow-creature? Good
master, I have a qualm of conscience."

"Oh! damn your conscience!" cried the Buccaneer, whose blood was up. Of
course such language is reprehensible in the extreme; no matter who uses
it; but it is doubly so when it falls from the lips of a pious Christian
gentleman. But, good people all, what is bred in the bone, will come out
in the flesh. Dogvane recoiled from such language.

"Damn not my conscience, sir, nor that of any other man," he said, for
his religion was unlike many a modern lady's beauty, it was even more
than skin deep.

"Conscience," continued Dogvane, "is the guiding star by which we steer
these frail barks of ours through life. Too many of us do not,
consequently we find ourselves lost amidst shoals and quicksands. In a
just cause, in a righteous cause I will fight."

"What!" cried the Buccaneer in amazement, "are you going to put your
coat on again?"

"This, sir, is a matter that must receive our gravest consideration.
Before we fight we must thoroughly sift the matter in the inmost
recesses of the mind, until we are fully convinced of the sacredness of
our cause. The man--"

"Stay, Master Dogvane! Not another word in that direction as you value
the wholeness of your skin. Give me anything you like; but damme, don't
try my temper with another sentiment."

"What I was going to say, most noble master, is this. If we have in any
way offended the Bandit of the East, we must make what reparation we can
by craving his pardon."

"What!" cried the Buccaneer, "are you going to humble me before all the
world?"

"Nay, sir; call it not by such a name. It is a noble thing, and the act
of a great and generous mind to own freely that it is in the wrong. I do
not humble you. I exalt you and place you upon a high pinnacle of
perfection. It requires more courage to own oneself in the wrong than it
does to take up the sword. It stands to reason, sir, that we both cannot
be in the right; this being conceded why should not the wrong be on our
side, nay, what more likely than that it is? Let us then sheathe the
bloody brutalizing sword until the merits of the case are fully shown."

"And are all your mighty words to go for nothing, Master Dogvane? How
about my honour? How about my honour?" said the Buccaneer sorrowfully.

"Honour, sir!" replied Dogvane. "Honour! what is honour that you should
shed human blood over it? It is but a breath that comes from the mouths
of other people, and the same mouth is as ready to damn as bless. This
honour, what is it? It is here to-day, it is gone to-morrow, and is
hunted often to death by envy, hatred, and malice, until in the end it
is handed over to the tender mercies of its adversary shame. This self
same honour that is so much lauded, is a picker of quarrels, a shedder
of blood, a vain boaster, and a veritable swashbuckler. This honour is
the veriest bubble that man ever fought for, or prated about, and it has
done more mischief in the world than any other of man's vain causes of
strife; because no principle has been so plentifully abused, except,
perhaps, the principle of religion. For this self same honour, or its
shadow, you have sacrificed countless thousands of your own sons, and
slaughtered countless thousands of other people's. For the sake of this
honour you have burdened yourself with a debt that you will carry with
you to your grave and it will bend your back, more and more each day you
live. God grant that in the end it does not crush you beneath its
weight. We will place this matter in the hands of others who will
arbitrate between you and the Eastern Bandit, who, I cannot but think,
is grossly maligned. This, good master, will be a more humane, a more
civilised, and a more Christian method of settling your dispute."

During this harangue of Dogvane's the spirits of the Buccaneer kept on
falling and falling until despair sat heavily at his heart. There was
something quite pathetic in his bearing as he said: "Master Dogvane, I
do not wish to be better than my neighbours. They are all Christians,
and yet they all fight. Madame France is armed to the teeth. My German
cousin sleeps in armour always, with one eye open. Then, why should I
hang up my sword, pistols and buckler and resent neither rebuke,
insult, nor injury? In such a matter as this, is it wise to trust to a
third party?"

"Master, what does your religion teach you? Be you the pioneer of a
better state of things. God knows we have had fighting enough."

"I wish my old coxswain were here," said the Buccaneer. "This is an
occasion when his advice would come in well." Perhaps, had he been
present he might have told his master that he had better turn monk at
once and start a monastery if he intended to follow the advice of the
captain of the watch. Why, you ask, did not this fighting, hard
swearing, and hard drinking old sea king whip out his hanger and go in
at the Bandit himself?

Good people all, it must be remembered, that he now conducted his
business on purely constitutional principles, and he would have violated
some one or many of these had he so acted. So wedded was he to his
constitution that it is probable he would have preferred to be utterly
ruined by sticking to it, than saved by going in any way against it. He
was a great stickler for routine, red tape, and custom. They, for the
time, left the Eastern Bandit in the full enjoyment of his actions.
Dogvane broke the silence. "Sir," he said, "I have in my mind's eye a
worthy potentate who may, for a small consideration, be induced to serve
you in this dispute you have with the Eastern Bandit. King
Hokeepokeewonkeefum--"

"What!" exclaimed the Buccaneer, in surprise.

"Does the length of the name astonish you, sir? We have near neighbours
whose names, were they all joined together, far exceed the one just
mentioned. All great and illustrious people have long names; but they
are all capable of contraction. King Hokee, sir, as we will for brevity
call him."

"What!" exclaimed the Buccaneer again, almost breathless with amazement.
"Entrust my affairs to a black?" There was an adjective used, but for
various reasons it has not been recorded.

"Surely, sir," replied Dogvane, "you are above the prejudice of colour.
Though black, King Hokee has no doubt a mind particularly free from
prejudice. Is he not a man and a brother? Besides, sir, to borrow
somewhat from perhaps a greater William than myself: Hath not King Hokee
eyes? Hath he not hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections,
passions? If he has not I have no official information on the subject.
Is he not fed by the same food, hurt by the same weapons, subject to the
same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same
winter and summer as we are? If you prick King Hokee, think you he will
not bleed? If you tickle him, will he not laugh? If you poison him, will
he not die?"

"Cease, Master Dogvane; no more of this. You have stabbed me, and verily
I bleed. To think that the old sea king should be brought so low as to
ask a favour from a damned black!"

For certain weighty reasons the adjective here is not omitted.

"Have I then no friend, Master Dogvane; no great neighbour to whom I can
entrust this affair?"

"It is one of the penalties attached to greatness, sir, to be without
friends. The great stand upon an eminence and look down upon a gaping
crowd of admirers, flatterers, and detractors; but they have no friends,
at least not worth the mentioning. Besides, King Hokee would do the
thing cheaper. A tin star with an appropriate appellation would satisfy
him, and you could make him pay handsomely for the star."

"Am I then placed so high up on this bleak and sterile peak? I have done
a great deal for Egypt; surely she will show me some little kindness? To
show that my prejudice for colour is not great I will place the matter
in her hands."

"People served, sir, have but short memories," was Dogvane's reply.

"We will at any rate break our journey back there, Master Dogvane, and
we can mention the subject to the gipsy queen."

The captain did not seem to relish this, for he said in a disparaging
manner: "Yes, you have done a good deal for the gipsy; but the man who
does not wish to be disappointed will expect gratitude from no one,
least of all from a woman. In Egypt, sir, our game has been, I own, a
subtle one; but, like the villain in the play, we have been obliged,
and still must dissemble, so as not to excite the jealousy of our
neighbours."

Dogvane loved dissembling. "Sir," he added, as he shut one eye and put
the forefinger of his right hand to the side of his nose in a most
knowing manner, "we have not thought it wise to let the gipsy woman into
our little secret. We have set up in Egypt a dummy whom we call a ruler.
Behind his back we pull the strings of administration. When all goes
well we come in front and make our bow to the audience, and receive our
well merited applause. When anything goes wrong, we beat our dummy; he
does not mind, and it would be all the same if he did; our neighbours
are satisfied, and their suspicions are allayed."

"Is this honourable, Dogvane?"

"Sir, it is most diplomatic, consequently, it cannot be less than
honourable."

The Buccaneer thought for awhile and then said: "It would have been
better for me, Master Dogvane, to have seized the country at once. There
would have been a cackling in some of my neighbours' poultry yards, but
it would have saved an infinity of trouble in the end."

Dogvane was horrified at such a suggestion. This was a falling off and a
going back with a vengeance. "Such a wholesale act of robbery," he said,
"would perhaps have been pardonable in your old Buccaneering days, when
you laid your hands on what you could, and did all you could to keep it;
but in this, your age of extreme respectability, it would never do. Why!
you would have had all your neighbours buzzing about your ears like a
swarm of angry wasps. The act would have been most undiplomatic."

Here apparently some unpleasant thoughts entered the Buccaneer's mind,
for a cloud passed over his face. "Diplomacy," he said; "that has never
been a very strong point with me. I like to be open and above board, at
least, at one time I did, and I loved to call a spade a spade. This
diplomacy, Master Dogvane, is a genteel kind of a highwayman, who is not
above insinuating his hands into the pockets of the unwary, while he
distracts the attention of his victim by expressing towards him the
highest esteem and regard. I would quite as soon he showed himself in
his true colours and cried out boldly: 'Stand and deliver.'"




CHAPTER XXVI.


The journey homewards was a sad one, for the spirits of the old sea king
were entirely broken. The captain of the watch tried all he could to
cheer him up. He drew in fancy a pleasing picture of the island home
they had left; of the contentment, prosperity, and happiness that
reigned there, and old Dogvane did not forget to lay on the colours. As
an artist in this line he was extremely good. As they left the domes and
minarets of the grand Turk behind them, Dogvane turned to his master and
said: "I cannot see why so good and great a man as my august master is,
should not be content to rest upon the laurels he has already earned."

Flattery is at all times acceptable, and to all people; the only
difference being that to suit the vulgar appetite you must lay it on
thick, while to the refined the touches must be delicate and smooth.
Dogvane, seeing the good effect that this kind of physic had upon his
master, administered a little more. "Now take this Egyptian woman's
case. See what you have done for her. You have tried to put down
slavery. You have set your face against the brutal lash. You have tried
at least to banish the evil-minded, blood-sucking Pasha, and in doing
all this you have spent millions of money, and have sacrificed many of
your bravest sons. One, even, we immolated at the shrine of the great
god Necessity. We placed him in a pit even as Joseph was placed in a
pit; but alas! Joseph was more fortunate; our offering was slain. Think
you, sir, that in return for all this you will receive gratitude?"

"Master Dogvane, Egypt has always been of great interest to me, and
through her lands I consider I have a right-of-way. Thus I have done
very much for her, and if for nothing else, she ought to thank me for
putting down that most barbarous of all things, the traffic in human
beings."

"Sir, look rather for your reward in the righteousness of the cause. The
man--"

"Stay, Master Dogvane; if you are going to give me another sentiment,
spare me I beseech you."

"I was merely going to observe, sir, that the man who places the
smallest faith in a woman's constancy, digs a pit for himself, into
which he is sooner or later sure to fall."

Dogvane, for reasons best known to himself, was decidedly against this
visit to Egypt. He seemed to be in some doubt as to the reception he
would receive; but all his endeavours to dissuade his master were of no
avail. The Buccaneer himself thought that Egypt must needs consider
herself under the greatest obligation to him; but the best of men, and
even the wisest, are often deceived, more especially as regards
themselves. The poor man wanted consolation, and he was ready to go
anywhere to obtain it.

There was no greater enemy in the world to the slave-dealer than was
this great Buccaneer and fighting trader. He was forever going about,
trying to put a stop to the degrading traffic, more especially when the
wretched victims were black. His ships of war had strict orders to chase
and capture all slavers found on the High Seas. His missionaries
preached against the heinous trade. Both watches condemned it, and all
the people of every description of belief, held up their hands in pious
horror at the barter in flesh and blood. All, from the schoolboy just
breeched, to the old man, whose tottering steps were leading him to the
grave, were lovers of freedom, and the sworn enemies of slavery.

But, strange to say, when Jonathan attempted to put down slavery, the
Buccaneer's sympathies were on the side of the slave-owner. Stranger
still, though he was forever trying to put down slavery amongst other
people, he allowed it to be practised to a very large extent amongst his
own. Of course it was clothed in fine garments of rich words, so the
sinfulness of the thing was hidden from his own eyes; but the whole of
his society was little better than a huge market, where white slaves
were bought and sold every day. Sold by heartless and mercenary mothers,
to whom a rich equipage and a good social position was of far more
consideration than any foolish and antiquated feelings of the heart, all
of which are mere matters of sentiment, and weigh as light as air in
comparison to the many advantages that gold can buy. It was no uncommon
thing to see a fair, and perchance a blushing maiden, sold for a price
to some withered piece of humanity. Their shameless mothers gave their
daughters as they parted with them the kiss of Judas, and bedewed their
fair young cheeks with the tears of hypocrisy, and then hastened to
their churches to thank their God that they were not as others,
doubters, perhaps, and unbelievers.

This inhuman traffic in human souls found its moral in one of the
Buccaneer's law courts, the proceedings of which were emptied out
amongst the people, and eagerly devoured by them. It must be owned that
the victims of this trade bore their misfortunes with becoming
fortitude. Having been well schooled by their mothers the degradation
was not altogether clear to them, nor the narrow space that divided them
from their less fortunate and despised sisters.

Like many other highly civilised communities the social atmosphere of
the Buccaneer's island was largely impregnated with sham. Everything lay
upon the surface, there was no depth. There was not only a greed for
money, but there was a great greed for excitement, and a passionate
desire on the part of the rich and vulgar nobodies to scramble up into a
position higher than that to which they were either entitled, or fit
for, and not unfrequently people who had the entry into what was called
good society, let themselves out for a consideration to these upstarts,
who would consider it a great condescension to be kicked down-stairs by
one of noble birth. It was all this that perhaps gave a colouring to the
sayings of those who declared that our bold Buccaneer was about the
biggest humbug and hypocrite that ever walked upon the face of the
earth.

Our two travellers occupied themselves with many pious speculations on
their way to the land of the Pharaohs, for Dogvane for a sailor, was
well up in the Scriptures, and his knowledge of the Old Testament was
considerable. They compared the past with the present, and wandered
through many flowery fields of thought, until the land they sought came
up out of the sea before them.




CHAPTER XXVII.


As they approached the Buccaneer swept the shores with his glass, "She
seems to be going in for repairs, Master Dogvane." Dogvane remained
silent, as his eyes rested upon the land in front. He knew more about
things than he wished to say. "I told you, sir," he said, "that we had
knocked down a few forts."

As they approached nearer they saw the Egyptian Queen sitting upon a
heap of ruins; her right elbow on her knee, her head resting upon her
hand. Her flashing eyes showed there was anger in her heart; that
something was wrong. Dogvane evidently did not like the look of things,
for when his master landed he hung back; but the Buccaneer, not knowing
the cause of Egypt's sorrow, went boldly forward. When he spoke Egypt
turned so fiercely upon him, that he was taken completely aback. "Hence
fiend!" she cried, as she pointed to the sea. The Buccaneer looked for
his captain, but that worthy was keeping out of the way and was
pretending to look for shell fish. His master hailed him and he arrived
just in time to hear Egypt say, "The Ten Plagues with which God smote me
in days of old were as blessings compared with thy accursed friendship."

"Dogvane!" exclaimed the Buccaneer, "how's this?"

"'Tis passing strange, sir! all official information is dumb upon the
subject." Then turning aside he said: "How the hag raves."

Egypt rose up from her throne of crumbled stones and stood majestic.
Extending her right arm towards her afflicted country and looking at the
Buccaneer, with eyes filled with hatred, she exclaimed, "You have slain
my children and their blood has flowed out like water upon the sands of
the desert. Their bones lie bleaching in the sun; a witness to thy
barbarity and cruelty You have burnt my children's homes; driven off
their flocks, laid waste their lands and destroyed their wells; but with
parched throats and blistered tongues they curse you."

"Dear me!" was all the Buccaneer could say. Egypt continued: "You have
set my children at each other's throats, and yet you dare stand before
me." The Buccaneer turned to go away and Dogvane prepared to follow and
showed considerable alacrity in getting to the boat. The parting words
of Egypt fell upon the ears of the old Sea King and dwelt long in his
memory; being very unwelcome guests there; making their voices heard
when all else was wrapped in slumber. "Hence thou blighting plague!" she
cried, or rather hissed. "Begone thou hypocrite! thou Christian
masquerader! for in thy footsteps follow poverty, ruin, and misery. May
the curses of the widow and the fatherless attend thee!"

"Tut, tut!" ejaculated Dogvane, "how the hussy raves!"

"God bless me!" exclaimed the Buccaneer, when they were well away. "What
say you to that, Master Dogvane?"

"As a curse, sir, it is undoubtedly good, and as a specimen of female
anger it is by no means bad. The baggage! Here is ingratitude for you.
But I told you how it would be, sir. I had a kind of a presentiment that
the other watch had been at their handiwork even here."

"If you, Master Dogvane, were as ready to keep out of difficulties as
you are to saddle them upon other people's backs it would be the better
for you."

"It is enough to make a saint swear," replied the captain. "I feel
inclined to register a vow to heaven never again to do a good turn to a
living soul. What language the vixen used!"

"She called me a hypocrite! a Christian masquerader! I, who pride myself
upon my righteousness. I, who have held my head so high, to be called a
Christian masquerader!"

"Sir," said Dogvane with extreme respect, "if one so humble, may dare
offer an opinion, I should say that pride is not a Christian virtue, and
sooner or later it must have its fall."

"Yes, fellow! but I do not want the fall to come from thy hands. Is
this what you call being respected abroad? Is this your pinnacle of
greatness?"

"I am not to blame, my master. It is the other watch. What though the
Egyptian gipsy raves; what though our cousin Germany and fickle France
be cold, and Austria and Turkey aggrieved by some idle words, say if you
like, of mine, you have with you, my master, the whole Calf of Man."

"Out upon thee for a blatant wind-bag!" cried the Buccaneer, now out of
all patience with Dogvane. "Out of my sight," he exclaimed, "keep clear
of me, or, by Heaven, you will have with you the whole toe of my broad
boot." They took to their boat, and the Buccaneer ordered his men to
bend their backs to their oars. Dogvane, who knew his master too well to
trifle with him in his present mood, doubled himself up in the bows, and
taking out of his pocket his Bible, he was soon lost in the Mosaic
Cosmogony.




CHAPTER XXVIII.


The captain of the watch thought it would never do for his master to
arrive home in his present frame of mind, for if he did, there would be,
as sailors say, "The devil to pay, and no pitch hot." The other watch,
too, would be sure to take advantage of the cloudy state of the weather
to stir up strife and discord, and no stone ought to be left unturned to
prevent this; so old Dogvane thought. He fully believed with that
clever, funny little fellow, the cook, that the other watch were a
greedy lot of office grabbers. Their hunger, perhaps, might be in a
measure accounted for by the small amount of food they received of that
particular kind.

The bold Buccaneer paced the deck in moody silence, and ever and anon
turned a look back to the land of ruin he had left behind him. The words
of the gipsy were still ringing in his ears. Old Dogvane was at the
wheel, and he anxiously watched the old rover's face. The Buccaneer when
in anger was not unlike a thunder storm. He made almost as much noise,
he was quite as destructive, and nearly as uncontrollable; but if left
alone he in time worked himself out, and after the storm, came the
proverbial calm.

The canny old captain having waited a while, watched his opportunity,
and he made bold to speak, couching his language in the most respectful
terms; but first of all to attract attention he muttered something to
himself.

"What is that thou sayest?" asked the Buccaneer, stopping short in his
walk.

"Nothing sir, nothing," was Dogvane's reply; "I was merely thinking as
it were, to myself, of the land we have just left behind us, and I was
saying to myself, sir, only to myself, that needs must when the devil
drives." It would be difficult to know to what the captain's words had
reference. In all probability he did not know himself, but an old saying
is generally a safe one, for it may mean much or little, or even nothing
at all.

"In what way are you heading now, Master Dogvane?" asked the Buccaneer.

This gave the old captain the opportunity he had been looking for.

"You see, sir," he replied, "it is all very well for this Egyptian hag
to curse; but I was driven by necessity to do what I did, and
indirectly, if not directly, the other watch are responsible for the
blood that has been shed."

"Still on the old tack, Master Dogvane; still on the old tack? Will you
be for ever putting the saddle upon other backs but your own?"

"Heaven forbid that I should accuse any body of men wrongfully; but the
other watch have, or seem to have an especial aptitude for getting into
scrapes. They are a quarrelsome lot and their captain has a proud
stomach. But look you, master, at this Egyptian baggage. See what a
disorderly house she kept; I will not say disreputable, for God forbid
that I should take away any woman's character. But her house was such a
disgrace to all concerned, that we had to interfere. The Arab is a brave
man; but he is a heathen, and full of atrocity; a follower of an
impostor, what then if we slew a few of them; if by doing so we saved,
as the saying is, our own bacon? For the same reason we, as I have
already said, put your beloved son into a pit, and no doubt, he would
have been saved even as Joseph was, only a little thing prevented it, he
was slain in the meantime. Had it not been for this little accident, I
have every reason to believe that he would have risen far higher than
ever Joseph did in the Egyptian household." The Buccaneer was now
sitting upon the after-sky-light, and became an attentive listener to
the captain, who continued:

"Even as Joshua discomfited Amalek and his people with the edge of the
sword, so have we the black population of the Soudan. The heathen
furiously raged, and we smote them hip and thigh. The cross has again
triumphed over the crescent."

This allusion to the Buccaneer's religion was a happy one, but who knew
the master better than Dogvane? Was Dogvane then a humbug? Good people
all, upon this subject there will be a diversity of opinion, for his
enemies accused him of many worse things than being a humbug, while his
friends and admirers were ready to canonize him as a saint. The true
course, perhaps, lay in the middle of the stream. Dogvane continued,
"Have you so little love for your religion, sir, that the slaughtering
of a few thousands of infidels causes you remorse, and sorrow? Why in
olden days you slew thousands of Christians without the smallest
compunction; why then cry over the spilling of a little infidel blood?
Time was, sir, when you would have regarded the affair otherwise. For
every one of your sons killed, I dare swear a thousand Arabs have
fallen, leaving the balance largely in favour of Christianity, and so
clearing the ground ready for a purer faith. The weeds have been torn up
by the roots, so that flowers may be sown. What though we did kill a few
thousands of people, did not Pekah, king of Israel, slay in Judea, one
hundred and twenty thousand persons in one day? Would any one say Pekah
did wrong?" The Buccaneer was mollified. It no doubt flattered his
vanity being compared to the ancient king of Israel.

"But she called me a hypocrite; a Christian masquerader, Dogvane," he
said.

"Who, sir, would ever think of paying the slightest attention to what an
angry woman says? Why ten to one if we were to return there now, you
would find there had been a heavy fall of rain and all was sunshine
again, and if you taxed her with her words, she would swear she had
never used them."

"I would even now retrace my way to yonder land, that is just sinking
below the horizon, if I thought it would be as you say."

"Counting upon the extreme uncertainty of a woman's mind, I have no
doubt it would be so, and if my master wishes it, about we go. But
stay, second thoughts they say are best. This Mediterranean is a
treacherous sea. Storms often rising beneath the serenest sky. Besides,
it would ill become one in my master's position of high respectability
to dally away his time as Mark Antony did in this self-same land. A
woman, sir, is far more dangerous in her softer moods than in her anger.
It is under the mellowing influence of a smile that the hardest men
fall. We had better keep our head pointed homewards. Then, sir, we can
retrace our steps at our own convenience, and receive from the Egyptian
gipsy's cooler mind the thanks we deserve. These Easterns are a prolific
race, and multiply as fast as flies. To lop off the surplus population
with the sword is a benefit. A tree is all the better for the occasional
application of the knife."

Thus did Dogvane clear away the anger from his master's mind. He played
upon all his weaknesses, and he approached him above all on the side of
his religion, and, as will appear hereafter, on the side also of his
trade which touched him more nearly even than his religion. Perhaps one
side of religion is not, nor has it been in the past, fully appreciated.
It has always proved an instrument to work off the surplus population.
Even that gentlest and most peaceful of all, that religion which was
breathed out over the world, near two thousand years ago, has often and
often, been dragged in to sanction, and sanctify, the bloodiest and, at
times, the most unholy of wars. As people will bring forth and multiply,
in obedience to Divine command, it is fortunate that pestilence and
famine have so able an ally to keep in check the flood of human nature.

Dogvane, finding he was master of the situation, said: "I had in Egypt,
sir, as I told you, a deep and subtle game, but of that, no matter. If
your old servant has displeased you, shift watches, say I, and joy to
those who come after us."

Of course there was no better way to obtain a hearing than to excite the
Buccaneer's curiosity and then stop short. The trick succeeded, for
Dogvane was at first asked and then entreated, or rather commanded, to
disclose his policy. Having stowed away his quid in the lining of his
hat, and expectorated freely over the ship's side, as every honest
sailor should, before commencing a lengthy yarn, the captain thus began.
It has been mentioned that at a yarn he could not be beaten.

"Day and night, sir," he said, "my thoughts dwell upon your affairs, and
we often sit up late on board the old Ship of State discussing them.
Often, and often has broad-faced day looked in upon our counsels."

"I am sorry to hear, Master Dogvane, that the Ojabberaways indulge at
times in rebellion, and even indecent conduct on board the old ship. If
they are not very careful I shall punish them. I shall stop their grog;
but proceed."

"The Ojabberaways do at times, sir, make use of unseemly language; but
it is their bringings up. I cannot deny between ourselves that our trade
has been falling off. Our neighbours have learnt very much; they have in
a measure overtaken us, and unless we are careful, sir, they will beat
us on our own ground."

"But when the other watch said this, Master Dogvane, you stoutly denied
it."

"That was done, sir, as a matter of principle. Of course we could not
conscientiously admit anything to be right that the other watch said.
But there are other grounds, sir, for silence; for to use a homely
proverb, it is never wise to cry stinking fish. That holds good all the
world over. In the management of one's private affairs silence is
golden. Our trade is undoubtedly depressed. Boots, shoes and woollen
stuffs may be up, as our doughty carpenter said, but other things are
sadly down. It cannot be denied, for instance, that the demand for
heathen gods has sadly fallen off in recent years."

"Have the labours then of my missionaries been crowned with such
success? Are infidels turning from the errors of their ways, Master
Dogvane?"

"Heaven only knows, sir! the fact remains the same; whether it is that
the endeavours of your missionaries have been blessed; or whether it is
that the gods made at your great idol manufactery of Brummagem are not
up to the usual standard of perfection I know not; but there it is,
heathen gods are a drug in the market."

"Dogvane, this is a most weighty matter, and it must be looked to.
Idolatry is a dreadful thing; most degraded and very much to be
condemned; but it is better than nothing, and until the heathen become
converted it would not be well, nay it would be cruel to take from them
whatever little comfort they may find in their brazen images. To
counteract any evil influence that may arise from the worship of these
things, Dogvane, order my State Church to purify the idols before they
leave our shores. Give instructions, Dogvane, directly we arrive home,
to our High Priest to this effect. Command him to have solemn prayers
and fastings, so that they may, all of them, be the better able to
wrestle with the devil. It would be as well also, Dogvane, to bid the
rich amongst them to share what they have with their poorer brethren,
who will be the better able to pray when their minds are not distracted
by the emptiness of their stomachs, for we hear there are poor amongst
them. Let all my divines of every denomination humble themselves before
their God. Why that troubled look, Master Dogvane?"

"This is a delicate matter, sir. I have noticed the ecclesiastical
temper does not brook much interference. It does not appear to me that
they care very much about humbling themselves. Had that young rascal,
Random Jack, belonged to our watch this would have been again a
favourable opportunity for him to show his zeal and courage."

"Dogvane, I notice a disposition in you at times to shirk your duty,"
the Buccaneer said.

"Master, not another word. I will brave the displeasure of all your many
religious denominations rather than you should harbour such a thought
about old Bill Dogvane."

"Bid, then, my priest pray over these idols, sprinkling them well with
holy water. Who knows, Dogvane, but that some good may thus be done?
These brazen images being blessed by our pious divines may carry into
the midst of the heathen some subtle influence, and by some mysterious
agency they may be converted even at the very time they are praying to
their false gods. Dogvane, it is worth the trial, and at any cost we
must prevent the trade from falling into the hands of our unscrupulous
and unconscientious neighbours." The Buccaneer was silent for a few
moments, then he said: "Dogvane, I am fully convinced that even in this
world sin brings its own punishment; and this falling off in our trade
in idols may be due entirely to a falling off in the article. Have you
received any information of a confidential nature that either France or
Germany or our cousin Jonathan have gone in for this industry?"

"No, sir, I have no official communication on the subject; though
Jonathan has that turn for business that he would manufacture anything
from a tin pin to a brazen image; while, if it would only pay, he would
turn out devils by the thousand."

"You may depend upon it, Dogvane, that this depression in our trade is
owing either to the inferiority or costliness of the article. Here lies
the keystone of our mercantile failures."

"Then, sir, there are other things. Our cotton stuffs hang heavy upon
our hands. In fact, we want fresh fields for all our industries."

"Ah! say you so; where, Master Dogvane, is your remedy for this evil?"

"Sir, the eye of your faithful servant has rested upon the naked
population of the Soudan. To clothe this people in our fabrics would
take many millions of yards of your cotton stuffs."

"The idea, Dogvane, is certainly a good one, and it pleases me. Let us
hasten to put it to the trial lest our neighbours be beforehand with us.
Say not a word, Dogvane, of this when we get home, for if the idea gets
wind some of our many cheap-Jacks will take possession of it and turn it
to account; for, as you say, that fellow Jonathan has a keen eye for
business, and if he could he would try to get to windward of his own
father. The selfishness of our friends, Dogvane, is always to me a
fruitful source of regret. But let us not forget that our primary object
is not the selling of our goods at a remunerative price--no, Heaven
forbid!--it is the converting of the heathen. The base motive of gain
would not make me stir hand or foot in this matter; but to bring these
poor benighted savages into our fold, Dogvane, is a worthy ambition. To
make them Christians like ourselves, good Dogvane, would be a glorious
thing. This, I say, must be our very first consideration. Into our
cotton stuffs let there be worked some moral precept; or better still,
some prayer. A waistcloth, Dogvane, if used fore and aft would be a
suitable table for the Ten Commandments, which would thus be
conveniently placed before the eyes of all. In time the seed thus sown
on the outside of the black soil may take root inwardly and bring forth
much good fruit. By degrees the whole population may become converted,
and putting away the habit of barbarism may put on the garb of
civilisation, thus opening out for us a wide field whereto to send our
industries. Our ales will moisten their parched lips, increase their
stamina, and strengthen their inward man. Our spirits, too, will
supplant the vile concoctions they at present drink. Being thus
strengthened in body and soul, their intellect likewise will become
stronger. Their eyes will be opened, and a new and more beautiful world
will dawn upon them. It is a grand idea, Dogvane, and well worthy of
you. Commence at once. By converting this people we shall reap the
reward of millions of fresh consumers. Stop slaughtering, Dogvane; stop
at once. It is inhuman, it is cruel; besides they are only fighting for
their hearth and home, and what people so base as not to shed their
blood in so good a cause? Stay, then, our hand, for by cutting their
throats, Master Dogvane, you are contracting the field for our home
industries. There is undoubtedly a bright future in front of us, and
you, Dogvane, have done much to re-establish yourself in my good
opinion."

The Buccaneer was quite elated. His step became buoyant again. The dark
cloud that had rested upon his brow passed away. "Soon," he said, "we
shall again hear the merry rattle of our looms. Our stills will have
fresh life thrown into them. The heavy scent of the hop shall weight our
atmosphere; and rest like a grateful fragrance over our island home. Our
friend and helpmate, old John Barleycorn, shall lift again his cheery
head, and in his train will come, dancing merrily, his hand-maidens,
Colombia root, camomile, quassia and cheretta."

The Buccaneer was in such excellent spirits that he began singing an old
drinking song of his, to the merits of John Barleycorn, and he made
Dogvane join in the chorus. Thus they merrily passed the time, until the
look-out man aloft cried out: "Land ho!" and soon the bold coast of the
Buccaneer's strong-hold loomed out in the distance.




CHAPTER XXIX.


It is necessary now to shift our scene and to retrace our steps.

Opposite the old Ship of State there stood on the land, a little back
from the river, an ancient and old-fashioned public-house. It had a
picturesque appearance, with its quaint gable ends and mullioned
windows. Its different styles of architecture and its patched walls led
you step by step from the present to the remote past, for it was an
antique hostelry. It was two storied and had two large chambers, and if
the walls of these could speak, they could many a tale unfold. What
scenes too they had seen and what noble personages. The old clock that
stood sentinel there had ticked many a brave man to his grave. In that
old public-house the greatness of the old Sea King had been built up,
and the spirit of many a brave lad still haunted the place. A large
sign-board swung heavily on a beam, projecting from the wall in front,
just above the door. The name of the public-house was written in large
letters. It was called the CONSTITUTION; under this there was a scroll,
on which was written the Buccaneer's motto, "DIEU ET MON DROIT," and the
whole was surmounted by a crown. This was the favourite resort of both
watches, and, in fact, of the whole crew of the Ship of State, Upper
Chamber and all. No more respectable, or better conducted house could be
found the whole world over. Many thought the Beggar Woman ought to have
been the landlady of this ancient establishment, but she was not.

Though well on in the night the Port Watch were still sitting in the
snug parlour of the Constitution, sipping their grog, smoking their
pipes and yarning over things in general; at the head of the table was
the captain, Bob Mainstay, and by his side his first lieutenant, honest
Ben Backstay. Many of the other officers were also there, and they were
trying to keep their spirits up by pouring spirits down, but they could
not do it. Things looked gloomy, and they seemed to see no break in the
clouds ahead. But it is said that the longest lane has its turning, and
to those that wait all things come. Of one thing they all felt assured,
if Bill Dogvane was allowed to keep the helm of the Ship of State much
longer the Buccaneer would find things at pretty sixes and sevens. But
how was the helm to be taken out of his hands? That was the question.

Their meditations were interrupted by a gentle knock at the door, and on
permission being given to come in, the door was gently opened, as if the
intruder was not certain of the reception. It was the Beggar Woman.
"Kind gentlemen," she said, "will you assist a poor woman? With weary
steps I have begged from door to door, but no one will assist me or let
me in. A crust of bread, good gentlemen, for the love you bear your
country, for I am cold and starved with hunger."

"Come in," cried a dozen voices at once. "It is a shame," one added,
"that you should be thus neglected; but what can we do, my lass? So long
as the Starboard Watch is aboard the old ship there, things will be as
they are."

"Let us have a shift of watches, and then you will see what you will
see," said another.

"Cannot you help us, madam," asked the captain, "to oust old Dogvane and
his lot? He made up to you, courted you, chucked you under the chin, and
then the rascal jilted you. The Port Watch would not have served you so
scurvily, you may swear."

"Good gentlemen," replied Patriotism, "the people on shore all turn a
deaf ear to my entreaties, or say, anon, anon, good woman, and then
hasten away about other business, or to pay their addresses to my rival,
Party."

The Port Watch now took the Beggar Woman in tow, for they hoped that she
would help them. They all set to discussing the state of affairs, and
turned over in their minds different plans of action. What they wanted
was a good watchword and a safe cry. When they had been for some time
talking over the matter without any satisfactory results; for they had
passed in review all their old tactics without deriving very much
satisfaction, because, as they all said, they had failed before to dish
Dogvane with them, and in all probability they would fail again.

Just as things seemed to look at their worst, the door burst open, and
in rushed Random Jack. He was breathless, dripping wet, and his teeth
were chattering with cold.

"Hallo!" cried the captain. "What ducking pool have you fallen foul of,
my little lad?"

"Mates!" cried Random Jack as he sank down on one of the seats, first of
all having carefully removed the crimson cushion for fear of wetting it.
"Give me a tot of grog, and make it hot and strong, for I am drenched to
the skin, and the very marrow in my bones is frozen. Pretty things I
have to tell."

The landlady of the old Constitution public-house was quite distressed
to see the poor little middy in such a sorry plight. She was a buxom
motherly woman, and nothing would do but she must get him a shift of
things, or, as she said, the boy would catch his death of cold. Having
brought him a suit of clothes which Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher, had
left behind, Random Jack got into them, and though, as he said, they
were miles too large, they were better than nothing. He tied the
trousers round his neck, thrust his arms through the pockets, and thus
saved the necessity of a waistcoat.

"Well, my little man," said the captain. "What is in the wind now?"

Random Jack took a deep draught, and then said: "That is good, and warms
the cockles of my heart. Mother," he cried, turning to the landlady,
"fill me another glass. Now, my mates, the likes of what I have to tell,
you've never heard before. It will make your very hair stand on end,
that is, of course, those who have any, and for those who haven't, no
matter. Better to follow my example and fortify yourselves with good
stiff glasses, three fingers deep, if you take my advice, and little
water. No doubt, my mates, you have all read of mutinies, conspiracies,
and such like; I have one to tell you about, that will surprise you."

"My goodness!" cried the landlady, as she busied about her orders. "Just
hear how the little man talks!"

"Your news, my lad! your news!" came from many, as they one and all
eagerly crowded round the little middy.

"Lend all of you, your ears, my mates. Knowing that the governor was
from home and that the cunning old fox was with him, I thought I would
just stow myself away on board the old ship there, just to see how they
passed the watches of the night. Just to see, mates, if I could catch
any of the weasels sleeping. Some of them are wide enough awake, I can
tell you." Here he winked at the company.

"Throw it off, my lad!" cried the captain. "Don't go beating about the
bush, but come to the point at once. So you were a stowaway." They
contemplated the little middy with wonder, for most of them had never
seen a stowaway before.

Random Jack, being thus exhorted and encouraged to make a clean breast
of it, disclosed the whole of the diabolical conspiracy of the cook's
caboose, and how it was that he had so frightened Billy Cheeks, the
butcher. This part of the proceedings caused no little merriment. Bob
Mainstay, having listened to the story from beginning to end, exclaimed,
as he slapped his leg: "Mates, I see land ahead. It strikes me we have
old Bill on the hip at last. Madam!" he said, turning to the Beggar
Woman, who had remained a silent listener to the midshipman's story.
"Madam, with your help I think we shall be able to dish old Dogvane.
What with the Church Hulk in danger and old Squire Broadacre on the war
path, and general discontent all round, the devil must be in it if we
cannot clear the ship of its present vermin." The Beggar Woman promised
to do her best, for her sympathies were for the most part with the Port
Watch; perhaps, because on the whole, they treated her best. She was
given an order to get a <DW74> and span new outfit of silks and satins,
and she received invitations to many feasts, but frequent adversity made
her bear this turn of fortune with becoming modesty.

The Port Watch were now in high spirits and began talking of what they
would do when they took charge of the ship. The little middy was highly
complimented; and the captain promised to reward his courage and virtue
with a good billet. He was pretty well sure now of promotion.

"Who laughs now?" cried Random Jack. "I owe one to Master Dogvane and to
Billy Cheeks. The cook, he is a Jack-pudding, and I will baste him well
with his own dripping." These were bold words; but the cook did not hear
them.

"Now, my lads!" exclaimed the captain, "we must work with a will. Would
that our master had returned; but we must make things ready for him when
he does. Away some of you on board the old Church Hulk. Wake her crew
up, and let your cry be Church in danger. Others of you hasten to the
Squire and tell him there are robbers about."

"A toast before we part," cried Random Jack.

"Here is general damnation to old Bill Dogvane, and all his crew!" All
laughed, and the toast was drunk with enthusiasm, and they were all just
about to separate when some one fired a shell amidst them by saying,
"How about the Ojabberaways?"

"To make any compact with them," said the captain, "would be an unholy
thing."

"Any port in a storm," cried Random Jack, who was now, what with the
grog and the flattery he had received, in high feather. "They have their
price; are they worth it? If we don't buy them old Dogvane will. There's
the rub."

Here the noise outside of two women wrangling claimed their attention,
and one and all ran out to see what was the matter. They found Liberty
and the Beggar Woman in angry altercation about a lout of a boy. Indeed,
boy he could scarcely be called, for he was approaching nearer to
manhood. It was Demos. "Indeed, madam!" cried Liberty with a sneer, "it
does not appear from your dress that you are held in very great
estimation amongst my master's people." Patriotism had not yet received
her new clothing. Then Liberty continued in the same tone: "You are
somewhat old-fashioned methinks! What would you have me do with my boy?
Would you have me clap a gag in his mouth, or muzzle him as if he were a
dog in the dog-days?"

"You need not pamper and pet him," exclaimed the Beggar Woman, "until he
becomes a perfect nuisance to every one. Why don't you teach him to work
for an honest living?"

"Because the boy is not strong; besides, he does not like work, do you,
dear?"

"Why should I work," cried Demos, "when others play? Others live and
fatten in idleness, why not I?"

"Bread that is buttered too thickly is not wholesome food," was the
Beggar Woman's reply.

"The boy is a clever boy," exclaimed Madam Liberty. "He is wonderfully
good at speaking; and he is good at figures; and he shall not be kept
back; shall you, dear?"

"Mind he does not turn and bite the hand that has fed and petted him,"
replied the Beggar Woman, and the two parted.

The old coxswain, as he watched the retreating steps of Liberty and her
boy, said: "There you go with that spoilt brat of yours. A wilful woman
never yet wanted for woe, and to spoil a child is to put a rod in pickle
for your own back."

A quaint sound was now heard, like the wailing of a pig in pain. Some
thought it must be the cook playing a tune in the early morning upon his
barrel organ; but the sound did not come from the direction of the old
ship. It turned out to be the national music of the Ojabberaways, and
presently a voice by no means untuneful, sang, "Come back to Erin,
Mavourneen, Mavourneen."

The Ojabberaways were serenading both Liberty and Patriotism, while in
the back ground was the cheap-Jack Jonathan, who provided the dollars
for the serenade, also for other entertainments which the Ojabberaways
got up to please themselves and annoy the old Buccaneer.

Opinions varied very much as to whether the Port Watch did, or did not,
make a treaty with these people. Such a thing could scarcely be
conceivable; but for party purposes either watch, it was said, would
sell themselves to the devil. Some went so far as to say that Random
Jack had had something to do with it; but then, when anyone comes out of
obscurity, there is scarcely a thing that he is not supposed to be
capable of doing; and a place is found for his finger in every pie.
Happy is the man who never leaves the smooth, broad, and well-beaten
path of mediocrity! He will escape many evils, and even slander will
pass him by for the most part with contempt; for her sport is with
bigger game. "This only grant me, that my means may lie too low for
envy, for contempt too high." So sang a poet long years ago.

It was generally believed that old Bill Dogvane had a secret
understanding with these Ojabberaways. There can be no doubt that he
smiled upon the boy Demos, who was showing signs of giving trouble. He
was becoming intoxicated with the very worst of all things, namely, his
own self-conceit, and the old hands shook their wise heads, and said
that if the Buccaneer was not very careful this boy would break out and
disturb the peace. This child of Madam Liberty was a difficulty; and how
to treat him became a matter of the gravest consideration. Be kind to
him and he would mistake it for weakness, and take advantage of it at
once. Kick him, beat him, or try to drive him, and he became as stubborn
as an ass. All agreed that he required a very strong hand, and yet not
too rough a one. The conspirators of the cook's caboose were one and all
on the boy's side; and the cook himself acted the part of an indulgent
foster father to him. Buttering the boy's bread as thick as he possibly
could, and giving him constantly cakes and other sweetmeats; some said
this was done out of pure contrariness, because Pepper could not be
happy if he were as others; but while the cook told the boy that he was
being kept out of his just dues by an idle lot of rich drones, and
hinting to him that it would be no great crime to put his hand into the
pockets of these people, he said not a word about sharing his own
worldly goods with the boy; and the cook had laid up for himself riches
upon earth, but he was a wise man, and took good care that no thief
should break into his house and steal.




CHAPTER XXX.


The Port Watch mingled about amongst the people and told them of all the
wonderful things that had happened, and of the many more wonderful
things that would be sure to happen if they did not at once combine
together and get their master, the old Sea King, to change the watches.
Of course the doings of the Port Watch could not be concealed from the
Starboard Watch, who went about contradicting, and swearing there was
not a word of truth in the whole thing.

The cook took under his especial care the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber, and
it is tolerably certain that happiness would not come to Pepper on his
death-bed, unless that lumber room with all its antiquated furniture was
cleared out of the old ship, and replaced by some assemblage of men as
clever as what the cook was himself; but to get the modest number of
only twelve such men, in a whole kingdom, would be almost impossible,
and this is providential.

The butcher was not idle. He did not speak much; but when he did, it was
to the purpose, and no one could say more cutting things than could
Billy Cheeks. He also thought a good deal; he was driven to this
extremity because most people, and most things, were beneath his notice.
The carpenter took under his care the family of Hodge; the members of
which were generally accredited with a full share of stupidity and
ignorance; but it is wonderful how the aspect of things changes when you
want to get anything out of people. Then we find virtues that were never
seen before, and that the individuals themselves never even dreamt of.
Then in the distance was the large family of Sikes. No one as yet had
found much virtue in them; but they were ready for anything that might
turn up, outside of it.

"Honest Hodge," cried the carpenter from the top of a barrel, "for
generations you have been oppressed."

"'Ave I now?" exclaimed Hodge, scratching his honest head. "I thought
summut was wrong."

The boy Demos who had been playing pitch and toss with the cook, left
the game to attend to what looked to him more like business.

"For generations," cried the carpenter, "you have been ignored and
defrauded by one whose rights are arbitrary, and almost absolute, for
they extend from the heavens above, to the earth beneath, and to the
waters under the earth." Demos became a most attentive listener and he
liked the tack the carpenter was on.

Chips continued, "The minerals are his. The timber is his, and so are
the birds of the air, and the fish that swim in the streams, and I
suppose that the greater part of all that the industry and toil of man
has added to the original value of that property, is now practically
subject to the land owner's sole consideration and good. Now I want to
see you, honest Hodge, replaced upon the old squire's land, at a fair
compensation, of course."

Upon hearing this Demos winked at Hodge, but the latter being very slow
of intellect, and moreover honest, did not take the wink in.

"But," said Hodge, "if the squire won't part, maister; what be we to do
then?"

"If the squire will not do his duty," replied the carpenter, "he must be
made to."

"And what be we to get out of it?" Hodge asked.

"The least you can expect, will be three acres and a cow," was the
carpenter's reply; or the reply of a friend of his.

Here one of the Sike's family pushed his way to the front, and
addressing himself to the carpenter, said, "Master, what are we to get
out of this crib you're agoing to crack?"

The question being an extremely awkward one to answer, the carpenter
pretended not to hear it. This is always a safe way out of such a
difficulty if the questioner be not persevering.

The Port Watch struck a more popular, and at the same time, a more
honest chord. "Look!" they cried, "at our market places! They are full
of the cheap produce of our neighbours, who do a thriving business while
our own people are starving. They bring their goods here without let or
hindrance; but they shut their own doors against us, or make us pay
toll. Look at the river there! that used to be crowded with our own
craft. Now you see the flag of every nation floating upon its bosom,
while our own ships are rotting for the want of something to do. Foreign
competition is ousting you from your markets as the marten ousts the
squirrel from her nest. If you want a coat, or a pair of trousers made,
in comes your foreign tailor who will sew and stitch for sixteen hours a
day for what is barely sufficient to keep body and soul together. If
you, my lads, come down, he will come down lower."

At this speech loud cries of indignation rose up from a multitude of
listeners, and the spokesman of a crowd of sailors, jumping up on a tar
barrel, exclaimed, "Damme, my mates! (It is a bad habit, but sailors
will swear.) The gentlemen of the Port Watch says true. We are being
weathered by these lubberly furriners, who visit our shores in shoals
like mackerel; and thus take all the wind out of our sails. Damme,
mates! they are that mean that a well worn quid won't escape them, can
we work against such varmint as these?"

"No!" came from a thousand hoarse throats.

"Is it right, my hearties," continued the speaker, "that the old man
should treat us like this?"

"It ain't right," came from all sides.

"Where would our master be now without us?" cried the sailor, "where
will he be if he allows these furrin chaps to put us down below hatches?
Who then will he have to trim and shorten his sails when the stormy
winds do blow? Will these fellows club-haul him off a lee-shore in the
teeth of a gale of difficulties; or fight for him his battles? Not they,
I'll swear."

The old sailor's yarn met with very great approval, and as is the custom
with all sailors they freely damned their own eyes, and hitched up
their trousers and swore that things were not as they ought to be; but
the cheap-Jacks still went about amongst them and sold their goods, and
people bought. Up too spoke many others, and there was scarcely a man to
be found, or woman either, that was contented.

There was a movement amongst the crowd and the old cox'sn came forward,
and getting up on the place vacated by the sailor, cried out: "Heave to,
my hearties, whilst you hear to a brother sailor spin you a yarn." There
was a feeling now pretty prevalent that they were in for a good thing.
"No doubt," he said, "many of you here know me by name."

"Aye, aye, Jack, we know you," came from many; "you are as long-winded
as a sky pilot, or as old Bill Dogvane, and any one knows he has wind
enough to fill the sails of a line o' battleship."

The old cox'sn, nothing daunted, continued: "Belay talking, my lads. No
doubt many of you know me by name, but many of you have no other
acquaintance with me, more is the pity say I. Long-winded I may be; but
I don't go about emptying myself like a wind-bag; but let that fly stick
to the wall. Many a voyage I have taken with my old master, and when on
the Spanish main together, looking out for the Don, we learnt a thing or
two. The Spaniards say, my lads, that it is always a good, and safe
thing, to search well yourself when anything goes wrong with you, and
that is what old Jack Commonsense tells you now. You want our master to
do this, and to do that, to protect this trade and that; but damme,
shipmates, legislation never yet stopped a leak in a cask, nor made a
stale egg into a fresh one. My mates! you are all of you heading in the
wrong direction. There are breakers ahead, so put your helm down and go
about as soon as you can. Don't you listen to those wiseacres who are
going to put everybody and everything right. The cook, he is a clever
lad, and can spin a cheerful yarn, but let him stick to his trade, and
the same I say to the carpenter and the butcher. You can never put an
injury right by committing a wrong, and if the carpenter or anyone else
wants to put his hand into the squire's pocket, he is only inviting a
thief into his own house. Let the cook then keep to his galley and cater
for the general public. His dishes are spicy, and then when he treats us
to a tune in his leisure hours upon his barrel organ, well, so much the
better, for there is no harm done."

The crowd began to show signs of impatience, and old Jack was made
painfully aware that he was not a popular orator, for the lovers of
freedom hooted him; but he was not easily put down. "Here, lads!" he
cried, "is where my Spanish proverb comes in. Search well yourselves,
and see if any fault lies at home. It is no use anchoring yourselves by
your starns, and crying out that trade is going, and that the
cheap-Jacks are taking the wind out of your sails. You ain't obliged to
buy from them, and who brought them over, pray? If trade is gone from
amongst you; it is yourselves that you have to blame. In years gone by
you combined against your employers; I don't say you were at all times
wrong, but evil counsel sat at your boards, and with your bushel of good
came a sackful of bad, you drove your trade out of doors and now you cry
out: 'Help us or we starve!' If your platter and your pewter pot be
empty, you have yourselves to thank. No song, no supper, is a good old
saying. If you, my hearties, won't work your fair time for your fair
wage, there are others who will. When you combined against capital,
mess-mates, you frightened, if you did not kill, the goose that was
laying your golden eggs. She is a timid bird and will only lay where she
gets peace and quiet. Having done all this, you are now crying out to be
protected, and think that all will be well again if this thing and that
thing are only legislated for; but legislation, my lads, as I've said
before, never yet bolstered up either a rotten state or a decaying
trade. You may stop for a time the footstep of the one or the other, but
the fall will surely come again unless you tap the part affected and
stop the hole with good, sound, solid material. Look at you servants!
Why, you are always on the move; some of you even are idle and insolent.
Do you not see the gaunt form of Poverty in front of you? Away then will
go your airs and graces, your flaunting ribbons and your finery Beware
how you listen to the teaching of Demos. He is a dangerous companion and
generally turns and rends those who have housed and fed him. A bridle
for the mouth of an ass, and a rod for the back of a spoilt child."

There was here some good-natured bandying of words, and old Jack was
recommended to try the bridle himself, just to see, as they said, how it
felt and how it fitted. Jack being a good-tempered fellow, continued his
harangue: "My advice, my hearties, to you is this. Turn to and live
thrifty lives. Take your hands out of your pockets. Do away with the
quart pot and you will increase the amount of stuff upon your platter.
If you cannot do away with the pewter altogether--and I am no
teetotaller myself--then reduce its size to at least a half. By a strict
regard to economy, and by practising self-denial and by cultivating your
understanding in a proper direction, try to turn out a better and a
cheaper article than your neighbours and so beat them on their own
ground. Do this, my hearties, and you will win back trade and regain
your place in the markets of the world."

The old coxswain had been listened to for some time with a respectful
attention; but the doctrine he preached was not at all in keeping with
the general sentiments of the disaffected, who were stirred up and
incited to violence by Demos and his disciples, and very shortly there
was a disturbance of a serious nature. It was commenced by Demos, who
having gathered a crowd of followers round him, began to speak to them
in language peculiarly his own. The consequence of this was that some
one from amongst the crowd, aimed a brickbat, with too true an aim, at
the Buccaneer's old coxswain, who amidst the delighted yells of the mob
was knocked over. The excitement now was intense, for though old Jack
was not killed, he was severely bruised, and shaken, and taken very much
by surprise. Those who have never heard the angry howl of an infuriated
mob of Buccaneers can have no conception of the savageness of its sound.
The war whoop of the wildest Indians is soft compared to it, and the
roar of hungry wild beasts is less terrifying. Demos with what he called
"the people" now rushed to an open space, beautifully situated, but
called the Place of Discord, where four grim lions watch night and day,
but they never interfere, and nobody minds them. Here Demos harangued
the multitude; told them they were being starved and trodden under foot,
by the drones of the island. His language was violent in the extreme. He
called upon them to break their chain of slavery and to elect as their
ruler King Mob. This was but natural, so up on their shoulders they
hoisted the bloody tyrant and cried out: "Havoc and robbery; now shall
the gilded thieves disgorge their ill-gotten wealth." Away they made for
the rich quarters of the Buccaneer's fair city, intent upon plunder if
not murder; but they were met by the guardians of the peace, behind whom
came the old coxswain with a chosen band, cutlass in hand. He called
upon his men to rally round him. Now commenced a battle between the two
factions. The partisans of King Mob nerved on and excited by the hope of
plunder fell upon the champions of law and order. Heads were broken and
the combatants fell struggling to the ground, and the crowd swayed
backwards and forwards in fierce strife. At first the old coxswain and
his side seemed to be getting the worst of it, but he fought like a
veritable demon, laying about him in a fashion well worthy of the
Buccaneer's best fighting days.

What seemed most strange was, that the watchword was the same on both
sides, namely Liberty. Step by step, the old Coxswain was beaten back
through a narrow gorge which opened on to a small square in the centre
of which was a statue representing Victory in her idle hours, playing at
quoits. This open space was flanked on one side by a museum of Naval and
Military antiquities, glorious relics of a glorious past. On the other
side of the square and away from the narrow gorge was another museum,
which was filled with a most valuable collection of ancient fossils, and
other scientific remains. Back into this open space the old coxswain and
his men were forced. Inch by inch they disputed the narrow way. Old Jack
every now and again let fly a quaint oath or two; but as he afterwards
said, the occasion justified the deed. In a voice of thunder he kept
cheering his men on, crying out, "Rally, men! Rally!" Just as King Mob
was pushing old Jack extremely hard, assistance came from an unexpected
quarter.

The uncrowned queen had shut herself up indoors; but Madam Liberty upon
whom both sides had called, came now to the front and allied herself
with the coxswain. Knowing full well that if she allowed the ugly faced
monarch to gain the day, she herself would, in all probability, be bound
hand and foot, and cast into prison, with a gag in her mouth, she threw
all her weight on the side of the coxswain, and brought up just in time
her numerous followers to the rescue. Demos when he saw his mother
against him, made use of most disrespectful language, calling her all
kinds of bad names, which will not bear repeating. Just as Liberty
reinforced the coxswain in front, the Beggar Woman who was now mounted
on horseback, attacked King Mob with a strong force on his flank. Thus
assailed, and without either drill or discipline the would-be monarch
wavered, then turned and fled through the Place of Discord. The retreat
was disastrous, and his followers were driven back well within their own
quarters. As they went they did what damage they could; smashed windows
and laid their hands upon everything of value that came in their way.

Thus was Demos and his father for the time at least defeated, and the
old coxswain and his allies were hailed as the saviours of the people.
In olden days, no doubt, he would have been accorded by universal
acclamation a triumph, when he would have made a public entry into the
Buccaneer's great city, mounted on a magnificent horse richly
caparisoned; with his two lieutenants, Liberty and Patriotism, riding
one on either side of him. Such things, however, have long ceased to be,
and now we can only read of them in the pages of history.

The Buccaneer's people celebrated the victory in a manner more in
keeping with their character and disposition. When the noise and turmoil
of the battle were over and the fighting men had left off swearing; when
their passions had cooled down a little, the bells upon the old Church
Hulk rang out a summons to prayers. The joyful sound was taken up by
every belfry on shore, and soon the clang of the iron tongues vibrated
all over the island. The many idlers took their last sip at the cup of
pleasure. The churches filled; the people prayed, the priests all
preached and the great Hat was sent round. That was never forgotten, no
matter what was going on. Many consciences were eased and all were
strengthened and made more ready for the wear and tear of everyday life;
while the cheap-Jacks took advantage of the pious moments of the
Buccaneer's people to push their trade.

It is not to be supposed that the Buccaneer's Press gang were idle on
such an occasion. But to their credit it must be said that they all,
with about one exception, forgot their little differences and took the
side of law and order against the followers of King Mob.

But now the big mouthed cannon belched forth the joyful tidings of the
Buccaneer's return. Loud cries of welcome greeted his ears as he stepped
ashore. "Hail! all hail! to the old sea king; to the mighty trader! Hail
to the Defender of the Faith, the ruler of the sea; to him on whose vast
dominions the sun never sets! Hail! all hail," so cried the people.




CHAPTER XXXI.


The first thing that saluted the Buccaneer's ears after all the
rejoicings at his safe return were over, was a low, dull, rumbling sound
as if distant thunder.

"What is that?" he asked of Dogvane.

"I know not, sir; but the atmosphere is heavy, and there may be a storm
abrewing; but I hear nothing." This was an official statement on the
part of Dogvane that was wide of the truth.

The art of lying has already been touched upon; but there are many kinds
of lies which have not been enumerated. There is the oblique lie, the
lie direct. The lie by implication and insinuation; and passing by the
various kinds of social lie there is the official and the diplomatic
lie. The latter is very much superior to the "lie vulgaris" or common
lie, and it moves in the very best society. It is a most polished
courtier. The official and diplomatic lie require very great skill and
study so as not to betray their owner. They require also a natural
aptitude, a schooled countenance, so that neither the eye, the voice,
nor the mouth discloses their secret. Your diplomatist especially, to be
successful, should be indeed a most refined and accomplished liar.

Dogvane knew very well what the rumbling sound was. It was the Drum
Ecclesiastic. He thought for a moment and then muttered to himself, "Who
the devil has set that old instrument going?" Then after a pause he
said: "The handiwork, I'll be bound, of that young rascal Random Jack.
Drat his little skin! He's always in mischief."

But louder and louder grew the sound, and in a short time there could be
no disguising the fact that the Church was sounding the alarm. Dogvane
thought it best to take at once the bull by the horns. "It's a bold
party stroke, sir," he said, "a very bold party stroke and well worthy
of the other watch. Knowing your love for the old craft, God bless her!
they have tried to frighten you. Their goings on are really shameful."
But now a most imposing procession formed up on board the Church Hulk
and headed by the High Priest, proceeded on board the Ship of State and
discovered to the Buccaneer and his trusty captain the vile and sinful
plot of the cook's caboose.

No doubt in olden times the cook, the butcher and the carpenter, with
his mate, would have been cursed with bell and book, when the devil
would have put in an appearance and have carried the conspirators away
with him bodily to his infernal regions; but cursings have gone out of
fashion. In fact they seem to have lost their power, like drugs that
have been too long kept. The High Priest told the Buccaneer that his
cherished Church was in danger. That in fact there was a conspiracy
afloat, to board and rob her, and then to cast her adrift, when Heaven
alone knew what would become of her. Of one thing he felt certain; the
many flocks would wander about without shepherds, or would be tended by
those of inferior learning and understanding. The High Priest then began
to lecture the Buccaneer, thinking no doubt that he was the same pliant
and penitent gentleman as of old, when he was ever ready to fall upon
his knees and cry, "I have sinned." But now when the High Priest told
him that the danger to his Church was brought about by his selfishness,
worldliness, and general religious indifference, and that to counteract
all this accumulation of evil he ought to humble himself and scourge
himself inwardly by prayers and fastings, the bold Buccaneer opened out
in an altogether unexpected manner, and said: "Should not all this be
done by my State Church? At least," he added, "set me the example, and
where you lead there will I follow; but it is no use your pointing up
the steep hill which leads to heaven and bidding me walk, while you and
all your followers drive there in a well cushioned carriage and pair. If
my Church is in danger, the danger comes from within, and you have no
one to blame but yourselves. Let the crew of your ship, my lord, cease
squabbling amongst themselves about trifles. Let them set their face
against the pomps and vanities of the world, and let them look well
within to see if by chance any worldliness has got possession of their
own hearts."

This cruel language shocked the Buccaneer's High Priest, and he was
about to reply; but the Buccaneer stopped him, saying; "Stay, stay a
minute, in the past you have lectured me a good deal and told me, no
doubt, many a home truth, and I thank you. I now return you the
compliment, for it may be of service to you, as you say your Church is
in danger. All things on board that old Hulk there are not as they
should be; for while some of her crew lead the life of Dives, too many
have to walk in the footsteps of Lazarus. The labour and the hire are
not equally divided. I am going now to look a little more into my
affairs, and I shall soon call upon you to render a just account of your
stewardship. Many of you do not act as if you believed in what you
preach: the salt having lost in many cases its flavour.

"How have the mighty fallen?" exclaimed the High Priest. The Buccaneer,
misunderstanding the words of the head of his Church, replied, "And
pray, whose fault is that? Perhaps there are hypocrites and even
Pharisees amongst you; those who seek the highest places in the
synagogues and at the social table, and who are worshippers of forms and
ceremonies." What wickedness was here! But this bold, bad man continued
in the same strain, or stay, it may have been the wicked devil who was
making this eminently respectable and pious old Buccaneer, his
mouthpiece. "Has pride, arrogance, and self-sufficiency any place in
your hearts?" he asked. "Has my priesthood fallen and been led captive
by mammon and selfishness, and while they fix one eye constantly upon
heaven, do they not with the other look too lovingly upon the earth?
Fast then and pray yourselves, for thy faith may be weak, and as the
Israelites of old fell away and worshipped more gods than one, so too
may my priests have set up some graven image or images, and here may lie
the danger. Search well yourselves and put your ship in order. It is no
use preaching to the world abstinence if you do not practise it
yourselves. Our religion was placed in poor soil, tended and cared for
by mendicant labourers, and it flourished. The workers now are of a
different caste, the spirit of the first teachers has passed away, and
the flower fades."

This was not a bad specimen of pulpit oratory, coming as it did from an
old gentleman who had commenced life as a pirate; but it is well known
that the greater the sinner the greater the saint. The language of the
bold Buccaneer was fully discussed and fully condemned, and the great
Church drum still kept beating. The sound went out all over the land;
was heard upon many a hearth, and put fear into many a breast, for the
old Church Hulk was dearly loved, with all her faults, more especially
by the Buccaneer's women, in whose eyes a priest was little less than a
god clothed in a decent suit of black.

But what was going on on board the Church Hulk all this time? The
burning question of Church in danger was pushed aside, and high above
everything else the voice of controversy could be heard arguing upon a
matter of the deepest import to all the world. It was the question of
eternal punishment, which, alas! can never be satisfactorily settled; as
to whether the soul that dies in sin is surely for ever damned. The
adventurous spirits who had started this rank and soul-destroying heresy
of hope even beyond the grave were few in number. These seemed to have a
beautiful faith, if an erroneous one, in God's unbounded mercy, which,
overtaking the poor lost soul before it entered the gates of hell, might
in some cases bring it back to the bright realms of eternal bliss. For
so rank a heresy there was perhaps neither authority nor justification,
and it did more honour to the hearts of the schismatics than it did
credit to their understanding or learning; so it was thought. The
majority of the disputants stuck, however, to the penal clause, which
says that the soul that dies in sin shall surely perish. These fortified
themselves behind ramparts built up of dogma and bound together with the
strong and lasting cement of human passions. Over the battlements they
hung out their banner, on which was emblazoned the words, "No
Surrender." The little band were driven back and had to seek
consolation in the thought that no matter what is said and done, God is
the God of Mercy.

Poor, poor soul, how heavily you are weighted. Given passions, and
desires, and all kinds of forbidden fruit placed well within your reach,
with a longing to taste. Pluck, and you are straightway handed over to
the devil, to be flagellated, tortured, and burned everlastingly. So it
is said. Ye priests, in the past, what a heaven and what a hell have ye
made for human beings! See the father torn away from his fair-haired
child and hurled headlong to the bottomless pit, where there is nothing
but weeping and gnashing of teeth, and a fire that is never quenched.
See the mother taken away from her erring son, and winged up to heaven
with a bleeding, broken heart. See the sister with her loving arms
twined round some lost brother's neck, and crying out in her anguish,
"Lord! Lord! let me share his lot; let his misery be mine. Let me
moisten his parched lips with my tears. Where he lies let me lie also."
But the bitter parting has to come, and while one sobbing is taken to
Heaven, the other is sent to Hell. In the dark clouds that superstition
has hung over trembling humanity we see a little rift, as vivid in
brightness as when the Heavens are cleft with lightning, and through the
rent we see pale-faced Pity weeping for the loss of her children.




CHAPTER XXXII.


A day having been set apart by the Buccaneer's High Priest for solemn
fasts, prayers, and humiliations, to counteract as far as possible the
evil effects which might be expected to arise from the impious conduct
of the Buccaneer, and devilish machinations of the conspirators of the
cook's caboose; and all the wise men in the island having been set to
work to find out the exact pressure that the ecclesiastical wrath had
upon the square inch of the social atmosphere, things sank down again to
their usual level; for no storm lasts forever.

The captain of the watch, old Bill Dogvane, now summoned all the
conspirators before him, and rated them well for their folly and want of
forethought in setting the big drum of the church going. "Don't you see,
my lads," he said, "that things aren't ripe yet for such a sweeping
measure? All in good time; all in good time. But first and foremost see
which way the wind is blowing, and which way the current sets, and then,
my hearties, steer your course accordingly."

The conspirators affected very great surprise; said that the whole thing
was a gross misrepresentation; a mere game got up entirely by Random
Jack, who, having stowed himself away, had listened to a private
conversation they had had in the cook's caboose.

"Well, my lads, I think the storm is over, and the dust this time is
laid; but Chips, my man, where is your mate?" It now came out that
Chisel was ashore in tow of a lass, and when a sailor is so situated he
is never fit for duty.

Just as old Dogvane was congratulating himself upon having got, as he
thought, into smooth water again, there come a hail from the shore of
"Ship of State, ahoy!"

"What the devil is in the wind now?" cried Dogvane, as he took a look
over the ship's side. At the same time the Buccaneer, who was below,
called up to know who it was that was calling. "Ah!" said Dogvane to
himself, "I ought to have known that that old coach was a slow one to
travel."

"Ship ahoy!" came again. "Who is that?" demanded the Buccaneer.

"It looks uncommonly like old Squire Broadacre, sir," was Dogvane's
reply. Now this old gentleman had at one time been extremely well off,
and had kept up great state and open house; keeping many retainers,
feeding many mouths, but hard times had overtaken him, and he was now
sorely pinched, and even poverty was seen on the outskirts of his
property, and was drawing nearer to his door every day. The Buccaneer
ordered a boat to be sent ashore.

"Send a boat ashore!" muttered Dogvane. "Why, a line of battle ships
would not hold him and his cargo of grievances, I know." However, a boat
was sent, and the old gentleman was ferried on board. The captain of the
Starboard Watch seeing the conspirators together abreast of the cook's
galley went up to them, saying, "A pretty kettle of fish you fellows
have put upon the fire. Here is some more of your handiwork."

The butcher chuckled to himself, and said, "If you fellows had nipped
round and caught Random Jack, all this bother would have been saved."
The butcher was always criticising.

"Ah! Billy," replied the carpenter, "like many another clever fellow,
you are extremely wise after the event; you see, it is not for you to
talk; if you hadn't had a nervous attack you might have caught him
yourself."

All further discussion was put a stop to by the appearance on board of
the old squire, who seemed to be completely overcome with excitement. He
told the Buccaneer that he had it on the very best authority that he was
to be attacked and robbed, and he came to demand protection. Of course
in the abstract being a member of the Buccaneer's family he had a right
to protection. Things, he said, had come to a pretty pass if honest folk
were to be deprived of their property without people saying with your
leave or by your leave.

The squire, following so closely upon the heels of the church, aroused
the anger of the old Sea King, who always on such occasions, made a
scapegoat of some one, and he now tried to make Dogvane perform that
most necessary but disagreeable office, but the captain was much too old
a bird to be caught either by chaff, or to have salt put upon his tail.

Then no sooner had the fears of the old squire been somewhat allayed by
Dogvane declaring that it was all a party trick, than fresh trouble
arose; for the Ojabberaways taking advantage of the state of affairs, so
acted as to stop all business, and played on board the ship their old
game of "Mag's diversions," or the "devil's delight." But amidst all
this confusion there was one bright spot, and that was the noble way in
which the old coxswain had acted. When the Buccaneer heard of it he was
delighted and determined to reward him by elevating him to some high
position on board the Ship of State. Indeed, so impressed was he with
old Jack's abilities, that he was for sending him at once to the Upper
Chamber; but Jack said he would rather decline the honour, for the
members were proud, standing very much upon their dignity, and he feared
they might give him the cold shoulder. Besides which, he feared that as
the cook had taken a dislike to that establishment it could not last
long. Then the Buccaneer called to him Dogvane, and ordered him to find
honest Jack some post of distinction in the after part of the ship.

The captain of the watch demurred to this, saying it would be a most
unconstitutional thing, and he contended that to raise so ordinary a
personage as Jack Commonsense from a position that was humble to one
that was exalted, and make all at once an officer of State of him, would
be fraught with extreme danger. In all probability everybody would
resign, for such an honest, straightforward fellow as the cox'sn was,
would be sure to rub the whole crew up the wrong way, which everyone
knew was a most dangerous thing to do; putting the fat in every way upon
the fire. He plainly intimated that to promote Jack Commonsense would
probably bring about discord, which might end even in revolution.
"Heaven only knows, sir!" he exclaimed, "we have wrangling enough as it
is on board the old ship."

The Buccaneer thought the matter over, and said that he was considerably
disappointed, as he felt sure that Jack would not disgrace himself at
the council board. A thought seemed suddenly to strike him. "As you will
not have him here, Master Dogvane, I will make a bishop of him. His
presence on board the old Church Hulk will be an advantage to every one,
more especially in these critical times." He at once hailed the old ship
alongside, and expressed his wishes. There was a solemn conclave at once
held, and all the divines who were conspicuous for their learning and
piety were called together to consider so grave a matter, and after a
careful discussion, which lasted many hours, they arrived at the
conclusion that the old cox'sn could not on any account be made a bishop
or given even a place of any importance on board the Church Hulk. They
intimated that it would be more in keeping with a modest demeanour if he
contented himself with his present lot in life, and they pointed out
that pride which had turned satan himself out of Heaven was altogether
to be condemned. Besides, they said, they feared that if they gave the
old cox'sn a permanent place on board their ship he would in time
undermine the whole of their authority, and bring down the sacred
edifice about their ears, and that the High Priest and other
ecclesiastical dignitaries would be buried in the ruins, and forever
lost to the cause of religion. The members of the Solemn Conclave
admitted that Jack Commonsense was an inestimable and even religious
fellow, and that in the Buccaneer's realms he had nobly done his duty;
but as virtue was at all times its own reward, the old cox'sn could not
want any further recompense. Besides, they added, he had received no
ecclesiastical education; knew little or nothing of the Levitical Law,
or of the Fathers of Theology, and could not therefore be expected to
wrestle against the Devil's first lieutenant, Heresy.

Thus poor old Jack's doom was sealed; but when he heard that neither
ship would have him at any price he was not down-hearted, but went on
his quiet way as before; giving himself neither airs nor graces like so
many people do. Old Jack was not one of those ambitious, self-confident,
self-seeking fellows whose only virtue is unbounded impudence, and who
are forever thrusting themselves forward, not caring two straws who
falls, or who is thrust to the wall, so long as they can struggle and
keep to the front; holding up before the eyes of the people their
farthing dip, and swearing its light is equal to ever so many candles,
or even oil lamps.

"Well," said old Jack, as he trudged away, "if I do not rise, neither
shall I fall. Let those who like soar up on the butterfly wings of
ambition, I'll have none of it myself. Sooner or later old Dame Fortune
turns round her wheel and up comes her eldest daughter and pins your
butterfly to the earth with the sharp-pointed pin of adversity. Then
where are you?"




CHAPTER XXXIII.


So far so well. The storm had been avoided. The cook and burly butcher
bowed their heads humbly before their captain; for no matter where he
led they were prepared to follow. Some said that the cook could only
expect promotion by sticking through thick and thin to the coat-tails of
old Dogvane; but the carpenter's spirit was mutinous, and he showed no
disposition to dance either to the cook's organ, or to be monkey-led by
the captain of the Starboard Watch.

Although the Buccaneer was somewhat pacified, he determined to look into
things a little more himself, for, as he said, there could not be so
much smoke without a certain amount of fire. To begin with, he told the
captain of his watch that he intended interviewing the heads of some of
his departments. Dogvane tried to dissuade his master. He said it would
be unconstitutional and all sort of things. That the officials would not
like it. They could not bear meddling; it hurt their dignity. But it was
of no use, the Buccaneer was determined.

The high State officials who had the management of the affairs on board
of the old ship thought, like most other servants, that they could best
serve their master by squandering his money; and they did it right
royally. Perhaps royally is not the proper word, for royalty is often
careful, if not close, with its own money, whatever it may be with other
people's.

The lavish manner in which the Buccaneer's servants spent his money was
conspicuously shown in the administration of his army and navy, and in
fact in all his public works. The one great principle being to spend a
pound in laying out a penny, no matter whether it was a ship of war that
had to be built or the mouth of a poor starving person that had to be
filled. Whether this waste was due to carelessness, stupidity, or
ignorance, or to a combination of all three, matters little. The result
was the same.

Finding his master was not to be put off, Dogvane began to cry up his
wares like the long shore cheap-Jacks.

"Your Navy, sir," he said, "is in excellent condition, though of course,
the watch on shore deny this; but that is according to custom. We have
placed your navy in the hands of those who have been chosen on purely
constitutional principles. Here again, we show that we are not the
revolutionist that our enemies would make us out to be. Your first lord
of the Admiralty we have selected from amongst those who are
distinguished for their ignorance in all maritime matters. Men who do
not know a ship's head from a ship's tail. I believe I should, to be
quite correct, call it stern. It is of course a difficult thing to find
amongst an insular, and sea-faring people, any man absolutely ignorant,
but we do our best, and no man can do more. One thus selected, sir, on
purely constitutional principles, is more likely to be free from
prejudice than your professional man, and he is likely to exercise a
healthy check upon your sea lords, whose predisposition is to drift into
bloated armaments and bloody wars. This, of course, means money, and
your expenditure is already more than any of your neighbours, and if we
have not as many ships, sailors, and soldiers, as we ought to have, or
than what your neighbours have, we at least spend ever so much more
money, which must be to you an extreme satisfaction. If they say, look
at our armies! we say, look at our expenditure! Your fellows do not cost
a quarter, or a fraction as much, man for man, as our fellows do, or
ship for ship. Cheap things, it is well known, are not only not good,
but they are frequently nasty. Although your first lord may be totally
ignorant of all things pertaining to the sea, he is ably assisted by
distinguished sailors, and your first sea lord is ever ready and willing
to set your first lord right when he goes wrong, which he seldom if ever
does, or if he does we never receive any official information on the
subject. They all support their party. They see nothing they ought not
to see, and are at all times ready to swear that whatever is, is right,
as far their watch is concerned, and that whatever is, is wrong, as far
as the other watch is concerned. Honest sailors can do no more."

"Master Dogvane, is this as it should be?" the Buccaneer asked.

"Most assuredly, sir. It is most constitutional, and according to your
general custom."

"Master Dogvane, I have found you to be of a sanguine temperament. You
told me my people were prosperous and contented. I have my doubts, and I
shall satisfy myself. But of that anon. Let my first lord of the
Admiralty be called."

The first lord was down below listening to the first sea lord spinning a
yarn, and he was trying to learn how to do it; because at times he was
called upon to spin yarns with reference to his department. As has been
already stated in this most truthful history, there was a time when the
Buccaneer ruled the stormy ocean. He was then one of the finest sailors
that ever trod a plank or made use of a strange sea oath; but times had
changed, and many thought that modern innovation had taken the wind out
of his sails, and that he at present traded upon his past reputation.
But people must say something.

The first lord of the Admiralty appeared. "Now, sir," said the
Buccaneer, "take charge, and let me see what you can do." The whole
sea-faring world had been so changed and modernized since the old
Buccaneer had commanded in person, that he really knew very little about
things; but ignorance can always be concealed by a discreet silence.

The first lord being thus called upon to show his professional
knowledge, cried out, "Ease her! backer! stopper!" This was addressed
through a speaking trumpet to the old Church Hulk alongside; but as she
had never been known to move for years past, what the first lord said
was without effect. Indeed the crew of the old Church ship were busily
occupied in trying a rebellious priest who would neither mend his ways,
nor leave his pulpit, but breathed defiance against the High Priest and
all his ecclesiastical big guns.

"What is all that about?" exclaimed the Buccaneer, addressing his first
lord.

"Those, sir, are nautical expressions I have picked up on the river,"
replied the first lord, "and I believe they are technically correct. If
they are not, I have no official information on the subject."

The old Buccaneer not willing to display his ignorance, said, "I want,
sir, to know what state your department is in. What have you been doing;
and how are my ships?"

"I have spent your money, sir, right well. I have bought some very fine
and fast new cruisers, and I gave as much for them as I decently could."

"How is this?" cried the Buccaneer, "I used to be the first shipwright
in the world."

"Rest easy, sir," Dogvane said. "These goods are of home manufacture. It
is your custom in times of peace to let your shipyards lie idle; but
when a scare comes, as come they will, in the best regulated nation,
then we buy your ships from private firms, and having husbanded your
wealth, you can the more readily give high prices in cases of
necessity."

"But is this wise, Master Dogvane?"

"It is constitutional, sir," was the captain's reply. He might have
added that it was also a customary thing to sell these ships, for which
so much had been given, for a mere song after the panic was over.

The first lord continued, "Then as to what I have done, sir, I have had
the Admiral Superintendent's house at your principal naval station
thoroughly repaired, cleaned, and re-decorated. All your ships that
float are in a serviceable condition, and as they have no enemy to
contend against, except the elements, they occasionally run into one
another, just to keep their hands in, and occasionally a ship is sunk or
disabled. Although we have a due regard for your great wealth, we do not
encourage a too frequent repetition of this, as it is extremely costly.
There is still 'a sweet little cherub that sits up aloft and looks out
for the life of poor Jack.' That is, he would no doubt sit up aloft if
he had anything to sit upon or any place to put it."

"You see, sir," exclaimed Dogvane with delight, "what excellent hands
your navy is in. Your first lord can also tip you a stave, as they say
at sea. He can sing you 'Oh! Pilot, 'tis a fearful night,' or 'All in
the Downs,' he is also exceptionally good at a break down."

This high praise quite pleased the first lord, and wishing to advance
himself still more in the good graces of his master, he said, "I can
take an observation. I can use the strangest of sea oaths, and I can at
all times make it eight bells."

"A man, sir, who can at all times make it eight bells, must needs be a
good sailor," Dogvane said.

"But let me see him work the ship, Master Dogvane."

The first lord being thus called upon to show his professional skill,
told the sea lord to stand by and look out for squalls, which he
accordingly did.

"Close by fours--" cried the first lord; but the sea lord stopped him at
once by saying, "Steady there, shipmate! you are getting mixed."

There was now a long discussion between the two lords of the Buccaneer's
Admiralty. The first lord declaring he never mixed, the first sea lord
declaring that he did. "Anyhow," cried the latter, "put your helm down
and go about."

"Aye, aye," cried the first lord. "Helm's a lee; raise tacks and sheet.
All hands splice the main brace!"

"Capital! capital!" exclaimed Dogvane, "your first lord, sir, is indeed
an excellent sailor. He can actually splice the main brace and I feel
sure that must be a most arduous undertaking; requiring much skill and
intelligence. He seems, indeed, to be gaining so much knowledge of his
profession that I shall have to move him to some other department,
probably the army; he has some slight knowledge of military matters, but
not enough to render him unfit for the post of secretary of State for
war. Fortunately the heads of your different departments are all
inter-changeable."

"How about his accounts, Dogvane?" the Buccaneer asked.

"Ah! there, sir, I think you will find his ignorance most creditable.
Accounts are a sort of thing that no high official could possibly be
expected to understand."

"What does my sea lord say?" asked the Buccaneer.

"Rivet my bolts and split my plates! what do I say."

"Note, sir, the change," Dogvane exclaimed. "It used to be shiver my
timbers, you see, sir, your first sea lord is quite in keeping with the
progress of the age. These changes of course have not been brought about
without much trouble and at great expense."

"What do I say, your honour!" cried the first sea lord, "why clear the
decks for action and strike up the band."

"What!" exclaimed the Buccaneer, as the blood mounted to his face, "are
we going to have a naval engagement? I have not seen such a thing,
Dogvane, for these many years past."

The Buccaneer now looked on with surprise at the first sea lord, who,
having thrown aside his cocked hat, folded his arms and danced round the
deck on the circumference of a circle.

"What is all this, Master Dogvane?" the Buccaneer asked.

"He is going to dance you a hornpipe, sir. Your people are particularly
fond of such things and they would come in crowds from miles away to see
your first sea lord do the double shuffle."

"But I don't want to see it, so stop him. I want to know something about
my ships."

With very great difficulty the first sea lord was stopped, for he was
well under weigh and it was some little time before they brought him up
by hanging on to the swallow tails of his coat.

"What do I say?" he cried. "That must depend very much upon what I am
expected to say. How's your head, captain?" This was addressed to
Dogvane and was meant as a signal of distress, and not as an expression
of solicitude for Dogvane's cranium. The hint was taken and the captain
said that their master wanted to know if his ships were well found and
whether he still ruled the sea.

To this the sea lord replied, "Every ship, sir, that is not in Davy
Jones' locker, has the sea well under her, and, therefore, it may be
asserted that she has complete control of the sea."

"Davy Jones' locker!" cried the Buccaneer in amazement, "why I sent very
few of my ships there in olden days and my enemies sent still fewer."

Dogvane explained to his master that rapid strides had taken place in
all things naval and that great changes had been brought about. "We have
been so pressed for room, sir," he exclaimed, "that we have been obliged
to turn Davy Jones' locker into one of your principal dockyards, where
we keep many of your ships which are not required for immediate use."

The first sea lord doused, as sailors say, his starboard glim, and
contemplated old Dogvane with the other, while a look of admiration and
a jovial smile played over his weather-beaten face as he answered:

"Aye, aye, sir, and every year we send a ship or two there to be
repaired. The remainder we tinker up ourselves." The old Buccaneer made
no answer. Things had evidently changed very much indeed since he was
himself afloat, but it never does for a master to display a want of
knowledge before his servants. As to whether the Buccaneer had lost his
skill in seamanship and ship-building was merely a matter of opinion.
But there could be no doubt that anything he had lost in one direction
was amply made up by what he had gained in the tinkering line. Here he
could not be surpassed.

"All your guns," continued the first sea lord, "that are neither cracked
nor burst are in excellent condition. Every ship that does not want for
anything is particularly well found, and your sailors, sir, are as jolly
and rollicking a lot of devils as ever turned a quid or drained a tot of
grog."

"Capital! capital!" cried Dogvane, as he clapped his hands with delight,
"such skill and knowledge must be rewarded. We must bestow some high
distinctions upon these two officials. We must ennoble them and send
round your Hat of maintenance." The lords of the Admiralty were then
dismissed.

In passing, it may be said that the old Buccaneer had navigated the
world in ships that, beside his present monsters, were but as cockle
shells, and all his great victories had been gained on board his old
wooden walls; but now his seamen were incased in iron or steel and had
to live and fight almost under water, and it was a matter of constant
dispute as to whether the Buccaneer had ships enough even to defend his
own shores. Some people going so far as to say that not only had he not
enough ships, but that he had no guns for what he had.




CHAPTER XXXIV.


The Buccaneer's War Minister now received his summons, as in naval
matters, so in military. The high official who had charge of his army,
and was responsible for the safety of the Buccaneer's vast empire, was
totally ignorant, or nearly so, of all things connected with the
military profession. When Dogvane descanted upon his ignorance of all
things military, the Buccaneer exclaimed: "Stay, Master Dogvane! if my
body is ailing should I not send for a physician, one skilled in
disease? If my mind is disturbed upon some spiritual matter should I not
send for my spiritual adviser? And if I want a legal opinion should I
not go to my lawyer?"

"If you did, sir, I do not hesitate to tell you that you would be acting
in an altogether unconstitutional manner."

"What! then if I want a coat made I should not go to my tailor? If I
want a pair of boots I should seek some other than my shoemaker to make
them?"

"Undoubtedly, sir, for such ever has been your custom, and who will say
that it has not worked well; for you are both wealthy and great. Your
plan ever has been to put the roundest of men into the squarest of
holes. It is a fortunate thing, sir, that human nature is so pliable
that it can adapt itself to any condition."

The War Minister was in his particular part of the ship, occupied,
together with the most eminent of the Buccaneer's military officers, in
testing and trying which of all the advertised food for infants was best
adapted to the requirements of the Buccaneer's military babes. They had
not settled this weighty matter when the War Minister received his
summons. Not being a soldier he was completely taken by surprise, of
course no soldier would allow himself to fall into such a perilous
position; but to show his comrades that he had not lost his self
possession he altered somewhat an old song of the Buccaneer's to suit
present purposes, and went away merrily singing:

    "I'm afloat, I'm afloat
    In the old Ship of State,
    The sailor's profession
    I cordially hate."

No doubt his thoughts were wandering back to the time when he himself
had been at sea. In all probability he had had charge of the Buccaneer's
navy and becoming too full of knowledge had been removed to the army.
When he appeared before his master he became quite flustered. The
official mind does at times, it is well known, play sad tricks, and
displays upon occasions the most wonderful oblivion. When asked as to
the state his department was in, he replied: "Quite ship-shape, sir, and
ready for sea."

"It appears to me, sir," said the Buccaneer, "that you are at sea."

"Am I? Then let me go below. Like many others, I suffer until I get
accustomed to the up and down motion. The lee lurches and weather rolls
disturb me. The smell of the oil and tar is offensive, and the result is
painful. Then the sailor's quaint oaths I cannot understand. I dare not
chew, I cannot smoke, and I do not care to drink, so I feel convinced I
was never meant for the sea."

The War Minister was brought sternly back to his senses by Captain
Dogvane, who told him in a severe tone to "wake up," and remember that
he was at present in charge of the Buccaneer's Land Forces.

The War Minister was profuse in his apologies, and said: "In my time,
sir, I have filled so many posts that I occasionally get confused. Your
Army, sir, is most efficient, and I am proud to be able to tell you that
you pay more for your food, for powder, than any other nation under the
sun. This to one of your vast wealth must be a source of the greatest
satisfaction; indeed, it must be a glorious thing to contemplate. We
have recently made vast preparations, which of course have been
costly."

"This, sir, is as I told you, and will account for the money you
advanced me, over that little affair in the East."

"Ah! Master Dogvane, how is that going on?"

"Excellently well, sir," was Dogvane's reply; "at least I have no
official information to the contrary. At present, sir, things nearer
home claim our attention."

The War Minister continued: "We have laid in an immense amount of
warlike stores, and these, as every one knows, are most costly articles,
and it takes far more to kill a man in the present state of military
science than it would take to keep him alive and in comparative comfort
to the crack of doom. On paper, sir, I can mobilize an army, on paper I
could place it in the field and on paper I could feed and clothe it. I
could, if called upon, club either a battalion, a brigade or even a
division."

Dogvane was not a soldier, but he thought it right to encourage his
subordinates whether they were right or wrong, so he exclaimed:
"Capital, capital!" Then turning to his master, he said: "Beyond this,
sir, you could not expect your War Minister to go. For a general
deficiency in professional knowledge I feel sure it would be hard to
find his equal. For your practical information you must go to your Field
Marshal Commanding-in-Chief, than whom I am told you have no better
soldier, and no one has done more to stamp out from amongst your
soldiers the pernicious habit of using bad language; and this has not
been done by any brutal exercise of power, but all by kindness and the
force of good example."

"Then my Field Marshal never swears?" the Buccaneer asked.

"Never, sir; at least," he said aside, "hardly ever."

The Buccaneer, being a very religious man, was very pleased to hear
this. "But what is all this I hear," he said, "about my poor fellows who
are fighting for me not having proper food?"

"The campaign in which you are at present engaged in the East."

Dogvane stopped the War Minister abruptly, and went into a long
explanation. He drew many subtle distinctions as before, between
different kinds of warlike operations some of which he said, though
offensive in form were purely defensive in essence. In fact, if looked
at from a proper point of view were no operations at all. Dogvane's
reasoning was of such an obscure nature that nobody could understand it,
and there were doubts in the minds of some as to whether Dogvane himself
understood what he was talking about.

The Buccaneer, fearing he might get out of his depth if he followed his
captain too far, came back to the main charge, and said to his War
Minister: "I am told my soldiers' food was so bad that they could
scarcely eat it. That their tea and coffee was mere filth, and that even
the water they had to drink was of the vilest description, and this too,
when I am surrounded by the newest inventions which will make the
muddiest stream as pure as crystal, and I spare no expense?"

"None whatever, sir," was the War Minister's reply. "I can assure you we
pay the highest price for everything, and we can do no more. We have
heard no complaints, and vague rumours we never heed." The official ear
on the Buccaneer's island was quite as deaf as what the official eye was
blind. Dogvane said he should not be at all surprised if all these
reports were put about by the other watch, or as likely as not by that
busy little devil, Random Jack. "All about your War Office, sir," he
said, addressing the Buccaneer, "look particularly well fed, and are
well clothed. I have not seen a crack in either coat or trouser. They
seem to want for nothing, and they are, I presume, a fair sample of the
whole; but satisfy yourself, sir. Ask your Field Marshal if he is well
fed and well clothed, and as the fountain-head, so, no doubt, is the
stream that flows from it. No expense has been spared, I can assure
you."

"And so, Master Dogvane, you all think to serve best my interests by
squandering my money, which goes into the capacious pockets of the money
grabbing rascally contractors."

"We have it, sir, on the authority of your only general, who, though an
Ojabberaway, is worthy of credence, that, at no time in your whole
history has your army been in so excellent a condition."

"Have I then only one general?" the Buccaneer asked in surprise.

"Only one that we have officially any knowledge of; for further
information on that subject, sir, I must refer you to your
Commander-in-chief. Your military administration is distinguished for
its very great zeal and energy. For long and weary hours--in fact, from
10 o'clock in the morning till 4, or even 5 o'clock in the dewy evening,
the busy brains of your War Office officials are constantly at work
grinding up all military ideas to a common level of official pulp, and
it says a very great deal for the quality of the official brain that it
has never yet broken down under the severe strain that has been put upon
it. There has not been, as far as I know, a single instance of well
authenticated madness inside your War Office. Go to your arsenals, and
you will find them a busy hive of industry. The hive is occasionally
blown up by an explosion, but the operatives, as a class, are happy and
contented. Your military nurseries are full of the most promising
children, who will, should they survive the many ills that childish
flesh is heir to, develop, no doubt, into most excellent soldiers. Is it
not so?" This latter was addressed to the War Minister, who said that it
was, and added: "They have all been vaccinated, and most of them have
had the measles, and not a few the whooping-cough. In olden days, sir,
your battles were fought by the scum of your populations. This great
blot in your military system we are eradicating, and in the future, sir,
moral force, which, it has been estimated, is equal to about three to
one of physical force, will play no mean part in all your military
undertakings. Therefore, multiplying your units by three gives you a
first fighting line of over 500,000 men, with a total fighting power of
about one million and a half."

"Take care, sir," said the Buccaneer, "that you do not make my soldiers
too thin skinned. A pampered dog won't fight, and a hound too finely
bred will not face the prickles of a gorse bush. Whatever my soldiers
were in the past they fought well, and have built up for me a
reputation, that I hope my soldiers of to-day and those who lead them
and those who guide them will know how to keep. The deeds, Master
Dogvane, of the brave lads that are gone are written on tablets placed
on the walls of the Temple of Fame. Let no foul breath of calumny be
breathed over them, for whatever sins they have committed have been
washed out with their own blood. One thing, Master Dogvane, they at
least had, and that was, good trusty steel."

Dogvane took the hint, and thought that a little candour would best
serve his purpose. "It has come to my ears, sir, that our modern steel
is not quite up to the mark, so to test it I have ordered a Royal
Commission to sit upon our bayonets and cutlasses, and if they can
support without bending or breaking so severe a strain, their temper
must be good indeed. It has been said too, amongst other things, that
your machine guns occasionally jam and I will not deny that it is so,
when they are in the hands of your sailors, but, then, they are such
merry devils that they would jam almost anything."

The War Minister now being called upon to continue his report, said:
"Your militia, sir, which has always been considered the backbone of
your army gives us little or no consideration, and it seems to get on
very well without our interference. Whatever care, attention, and
patronage we have to spare we bestow it upon your volunteers--a most
worthy body of men, costing you but little; not encumbered with too much
equipment, and fed and nourished almost entirely upon official butter,
which is the cheapest of all articles of food, on a recent occasion,
sir, when you were engaged in operations in Egypt."

"In Egypt!" the Buccaneer exclaimed, and the hot words of the gipsy came
back upon him, and he was lost for a while in his own moody thoughts.

For a time the War Minister spoke to deaf ears. "You bought thousands of
camels, and mules, and pack-saddles innumerable. After the purchase was
completed we were delighted to find that these saddles were for the most
part perfectly useless, as they would not fit any animal in your
possession, so we were enabled to sell them at a considerable loss."

"Is this right, Master Dogvane?" the Buccaneer asked, waking up.

"It is quite constitutional, sir, and is the result of your peculiar and
long cherished system. I do not say that things would not work better
under a round hole for a round man plan; but you are so accustomed to
the other that to change might be dangerous. It would certainly be
revolutionary."

The War Minister continued. "In purchasing your stores, sir, we also
acted upon principle and custom. We gave as few orders as possible to
your own people; but distributed them as evenly as we could amongst your
neighbours."

The Buccaneer was about to make a reply; but Dogvane nipped it in the
bud by saying: "It is quite constitutional, sir." If this was so of
course the old Sea King had nothing to say, for he loved his
constitution.

"Our beef and pork," said the War Minister, "we get from our cousin, the
cheap-Jack Jonathan. Our sauce we get from your neighbour, Madame
France."

"Do you remember what a neatly turned ankle she had, sir?" said Dogvane,
who, like all sailors and not a few landsmen, had a great admiration for
the ladies.

"Our pickles," the War Minister continued, "we get from Germany, and are
of a well known brand, high flavoured and satisfying. As we are the very
best tinkers in the world, our pots, pans, and camp kettles we make and
mend at home. We feed your full-grown soldiers on worn-out
draught-bullocks brought over from Holland, and on the most delicious
messes. We give them a highly flavoured stew peculiar to the
Ojabberaways. They have had an abundance of Egyptian hash. This again
has been varied by a goodly supply of Indian curry, Afghan ragout, and a
very savoury mess peculiar to Burmah. I may just mention in passing,
that through the most creditable carelessness on the part of one of your
generals we got rid of a very large number of camels, which were
slaughtered by the enemy; thus saving us the trouble and expense of
their keep. For any other information I must refer you to your Field
Marshal."

Dogvane dismissed this official, praising him very much for the state of
his department.

When the distinguished soldier appeared, who was at the executive head
of the army, he stood in the attitude peculiar to soldiers. His head was
erect and every limb was rigid, and the arms were extended by the side
of the body, fingers straight and closed on the thumbs, which were in a
line with the seams of his trousers. This is the easy and graceful
attitude of military respect as laid down by regulation.

"How, sir, is it that you have allowed my army so to deteriorate that I
have only one general?" asked the Buccaneer, as he cast upon his Field
Marshal a look of pride. "At one time I could count them by the scores."

"Sir, two kings cannot sit on one throne, and at present your island is
not sufficiently large to hold more than your only general."

The Buccaneer showed extreme solicitude for the well being of his only
general, whose life was, of course, extremely precious, so he exclaimed:
"Field Marshal! I command you on all occasions to protect the life of my
only general. Form yourself into a rampart round him and save him from
the bullets of my enemies. Even as David in the days of old sent Uriah
the Hittite to the front of the battle, so send I you, should I be
engaged in any military operation either of an offensive or defensive
nature."

The Field Marshal, commanding in chief, no doubt felt keenly the very
great confidence thus placed in him, though of course it would not have
been in keeping with the tradition of his profession to show any outward
signs of exultation.

The captain of the watch, seeing the great concern that the Buccaneer
had on account of the dearth of generals, and knowing his love for the
Bible, tried to console him by saying: "Fear not sir! that Providence
which shapes our ends, rough hew them as we may, will find you with
other generals, even as Abraham was provided by Heaven with a ram in the
bush."

Sometimes the most trivial circumstance will ward off the most serious
catastrophe, and the remark of Dogvane gave the old Sea King an
opportunity to indulge in a little pleasantry. "A general in the hand,
Master Dogvane," he said, "is worth two in the bush." Now, however small
a joke may be, or indeed however heavy and obscure, it is the duty of
all subordinates to see it at once, and to laugh at it immoderately.
This was shown to an eminent degree even in the Buccaneer's Courts of
Justice, the atmosphere of which was so charged with judicial gravity
that the slightest possible humour on the part of a judge was quite
sufficient to convulse the whole court and bar with laughter. The
Commander-in-chief being in uniform could not laugh as much as he would
have done, had he not been so buttoned up. It was his duty to appreciate
the joke of the Buccaneer, and in a matter of duty the Field Marshal was
never found wanting. Dogvane laughed as immoderately as if the joke had
been his own. The clouds having been dispelled by merry peals of
laughter the Buccaneer asked if his soldiers were as good as those who
fought at Ramillies and Waterloo; these being two of the Buccaneer's
most famous battles. The Field Marshal was obliged to answer this
officially. He said that as far as brute strength and physical force
were concerned, that perhaps the soldier of to-day was not quite equal
to the soldier of the past; "but," he added, "what he has lost in
stature and chest measurement he has gained in morality and sobriety.
The men of Ramillies drank deeply, and those of Flanders swore terribly
hard, so we are told; no doubt on account of some peculiarity in the
climate; but now, sir, by the force of my own good example I have done
very much towards stamping out the pernicious habit of making use of bad
language from amongst your soldiers."

"So I have heard," replied the Buccaneer, "and it does you extreme
credit." What a gross iniquity to call so good a man as our Buccaneer a
psalm-singing, old humbug! It only shows what a hold envy, hatred,
uncharitableness, and even malice, have upon the human mind.

"Field Marshal!" said the Buccaneer, addressing the Commander-in-chief,
"you have done well, and it is my intention to reward you. I can bestow
upon you no greater title than you at present possess, and of income
you have ample, so I cannot increase that; but knowing how much you have
at heart the welfare of the profession which you yourself so much adorn,
I wish to give you some mark of my high esteem and favour. I therefore
command Dogvane, that my army be at once increased by one man and two
boys."

Hearing this the Commander-in-Chief was overcome with emotion, and
Dogvane said, "My master is indeed generous. I am myself much against
bloated armaments; but still it is as well to strike at times a little
awe into our neighbours, who are always peacocking about Europe, and
they will respect us all the more. With this increase, and the aid of
our reserves, and our brave auxiliaries, our army will be placed on a
war-footing. No doubt all this will not be without its effect upon the
Eastern Bandit, and will assist King Hokee in his undertaking."




CHAPTER XXXV.


In spite of what Will Dogvane had said to the contrary there was
discontent in the Buccaneer's island. Now the sound was far away; now it
surged up and dashed against the old gentleman's ears like the angry
surf upon the sea-shore. It is necessary to make some little mention yet
of the cause of this disaffection. His toilers and his moilers were
undoubtedly very much better off than what they had been, and
considerably better off than those of many of his neighbours. They
earned more wages, and worked less hours, and in recent years wages had
increased nearly twofold; but it must be owned that they were less
thrifty, and loved too well their pewter pot. His population, however,
had increased to such an extent, and other nations had entered into such
competition with him, producing many things as good and as cheap, and
even very much cheaper, that he had lost the control over the markets of
the world, consequently many even of the skilled hands were idle, and
for the unskilled, the weakly, and the sick, their case was still
harder, yet every mouth had to be fed, and every body clothed. All kinds
of medicines were prescribed by the multitude of doctors, who were
forever trying to treat the disease. Then behind those above alluded to
there came a gang who would only work at cutting throats and picking
pockets, and who were always ready to join in any cry, or any movement,
that might tend to advance their particular calling.

The carpenter had addressed the family of Hodge on more occasions than
one, and he had told them that they were the most pathetic figure in the
whole of the Buccaneer's social system, for that they were condemned to
unremitting toil, with only the poor-house before them. Alas! that the
cry should ever come from honest Hodge that all he asked for was work.
This poor fellow does commend himself to the sympathy and compassion of
all; for the sunniest side of his life is to work with bent back and
horny hands from sun-rise to sun-down. But he was not the most pathetic
figure in the Buccaneer's island. Behind him Poverty came struggling
along, and with barely food enough to keep body and soul together,
brought forth and increased without the slightest thought for the
morrow. Pity was forever trying to help her, and over her sad lot she
shed an abundance of tears. The old coxswain tried to reason with her;
but all to no purpose, she clung to her wretched hovels and held on her
own way. Nature took her in hand occasionally, and taught her a lesson
in a rough and ready fashion. Our universal mother is not soft-hearted,
and she never spoils her children by sparing the rod, so when Poverty's
family becomes overcrowded, she works off the surplus by disease, when
the guilty and the innocent suffer alike. Is not Mercy to be seen
standing in the back ground?

The old Buccaneer thought to find some healing power in the fruit taken
from the tree of knowledge, so that Poverty's children partaking thereof
might learn somewhat of the blessings of thrift, temperance, industry,
and self-denial. But is not the fruit of this tree somewhat like that
flower of which a celebrated friar once said:

    "Within the infant rind of this small flower,
    Poison hath residence, and medicine power."

In the above nature of things lay the root of very much of the
discontent. The tools lay ready for the worker's hands. The worker being
that human wind bag, called an agitator; one who would find fault with
the order of things even in heaven itself.

This wind bag is forever holding up before the eyes of his dupes a
picture painted in the most gorgeous colours; plenty without labour, and
a general basking in the sunshine of idleness. He points the finger at
wealth, and cries out with a loud voice, "There lies the cure for all
your suffering; see how high above your heads the rich man looks. Go
take, eat and be merry, to-day live, for to-morrow you die." To the
empty stomach, and the ragged back this doctrine has a pleasant sound.
Neither is it without its effect upon that large multitude who have to
earn a scanty living by the sweat of their brow. The uncertainty of the
daily bread; the fear of sickness, and the cry of hungry children open
the ears sometimes even of the well disposed. Then amongst many other
things, man is by nature a lazy animal, and will not work except in rare
instances, unless necessity compels him. Take the noble savage of whom
honourable mention has already been made. He only hunts by compulsion;
for want of food in fact, which, having found, he lies down and sleeps,
and idles his time away until necessity <DW8>s him in the stomach again,
and sends him off to his happy hunting grounds. Man is the same wherever
found, and if anybody will provide him with food and clothes, without
any exertion on his part he will not say him nay, nor will he show much
gratitude. He will soon learn to look upon it as a right.

There were a good many kind-hearted people in the Buccaneer's island who
were doing all they could to develop and foster this innate love of
idleness. Already the people had their food for the mind given to them
free of charge in the shape of free libraries, and soon the cry for free
food for the body might be expected to rise up all over the land, to be
followed in due course by a demand for community of property. This,
indeed, was already being whispered about. It is an unmitigated evil to
take from the individual the responsibility of keeping himself, and
bringing up his family. He will not work if you do, and the train of
poverty becomes increased, and there is no limit to the extension. As
the Devil even is supposed at times to quote Scripture, so do the wind
bags, who play upon the wants of the people, frequently base their
doctrine of universal plunder upon the teachings of Christ. But did not
a small band of early Christians try this share and share alike
principle? But it did not answer, and see what has come of it. The pomp,
magnificence, splendour and wealth of the Roman Catholic Hierarchy with
its Priest-King. Who too would think that the pride and majesty of the
Buccaneer's State Church with its High Priest clothed in temporal as
well as spiritual power took its rise from the teachings of Him, who
gathered on the shores of the sea of Galilee a few simple and faithful
disciples to whom He preached the doctrine of humility, chastity,
poverty, and love, and a charity as bountiful as the rain which falls
from heaven on flowers and weeds alike. Did He not say to them "Provide
neither gold nor silver, nor brass in your purses, nor scrip for your
journey, neither two coats, neither shoes, nor yet staves; for the
workman is worthy of his meat?" Ah! the meat, sometimes called hire;
there lies the rock upon which so many run, and their frail barks are
shivered to pieces; allured to their destruction by the songs of a siren
called Mammon.

But the priest he has a stomach as well as the layman. He has a back too
which must be covered, and he has his many other wants that must be
attended to. One has taken to himself a wife, and he would fain have his
Lord excuse him, on her account. Another has many children who have to
be fed, clothed, and taught, and put out into the world. Then things
have changed since the days even of St. Paul. Wages have very much
increased, and around religion there has grown surroundings that must be
attended to for the sake of the uncrowned queen Respectability. Ask not
how all these mighty things have been brought about. Without doubt, the
Buccaneer's High Priest or anyone of his learned ecclesiastics could
explain all to you in a most satisfactory manner. They would tell you
how the Scriptures have to be construed to suit the needs of modern
Christians. The mighty "_This_" has he contracted and the small "_That_"
has to be stretched; but so long as an orthodox priest sits upon the box
of your coach and four, it matters little where, and through what he
drives.

Briefly, it may be said, that community of property has no charm except
for that class of a community known by the name of rogues and vagabonds.
Then, as if the very Devil was in it, the Buccaneer's women were
beginning to cry out for more liberty, and disaffection seemed to have
taken a strong hold upon the female breast. The advanced portion of
these wanted to overturn the present order of things, and to put up in
its place, a sort of Hen Convention in which women were to have equal
rights and apparently man's privileges as well as their own. To tell
these women that they had a sphere, was merely to excite their ridicule,
and court their contempt. But the strangeness of the thing was, that
while the men were crying out because they had not work sufficient to
keep them in many cases from starving, the women wanted to increase the
difficulty still more by entering the same fields of labour. Of course
poor women must live, and if men are so selfish that they will not keep
them in the Holy bonds of matrimony, why, the women must keep
themselves. It is true that the men did show an indisposition to set
upon their hearth a rival, who instead of attending to domestic duties,
might give them a political lecture or a discourse upon either ethics,
philosophy, or science. The women too out-numbered the men; spinsters
growing more numerous every day, and as it is well-known that the
mortality amongst the males of all species is far greater than that
amongst the females, on account of the greater risk they run, the above
evil might be expected to increase rather than diminish, unless nature
took the matter in hand and balanced matters by an epidemic amongst the
women. But as matters now stood, the conspiracy amongst the Buccaneer's
female sex bid fair to be far more serious than that of the cook's
caboose.

It has been said that the man who allows a woman to usurp his authority
is in a pitiful condition, for that it shows he has lost somewhat of his
manhood. One thing is certain, the woman he has to live with will not
respect him, and it is more than probable that she will take the
earliest opportunity to show her contempt. It is still worse when this
applies not to an individual here and there, but to the majority of a
people.

What voice is that crying out that we insult the whole of womanhood?
Good lady, if you cast aside your bodkin, and take up the weapons that
have hitherto been considered as peculiar to man, you must not cry out
when you feel yourself injured. You cannot have your cake and eat it
too. "A foolish woman is clamorous; but a good woman retaineth honour."
So said one, who is accounted the wisest man that ever lived.

It does not appear that the true position of woman in the world's
economy has yet been clearly defined. She was once man's slave. She is
now supposed, in all civilised countries, to be his helpmate and
companion, and in the Buccaneer's island she showed a strong disposition
to become his rival. Poetry has assigned to her a place amongst the
angels; reality, on the other hand, has frequently given her a place
amongst the devils. Then again she is supposed to be weak and fragile,
but though she may not be able to walk a mile in pure fresh air, she
will dance many, and several nights a week in the fetid atmosphere of a
ball-room. Although she takes little or no healthy exercise, the general
woman's appetite is good if not absolutely robust, and although they are
all more or less invalids, they generally outlive man. A recent
philosopher amongst the Buccaneer's people had said, when speaking of
woman, that though eminently adapted to that position for which God
apparently intended her, she is not from her constitution and make,
adapted to take man's place in the world, and by attempting such a thing
all concerned must lose. Unfortunately, the Buccaneer's advanced women
did not seem to see this, and they seemed disposed to quarrel with the
work of our Creator. The woman's character is conflicting. When she is
drawn by her sister, she does not at times appear in too beautiful
colours; for she is frequently depicted as vain, silly, jealous, weak,
cruel and revengeful, often kissing the sister she intends to stab, and
in this resembling somewhat those reptiles which slobber over the victim
they intend to devour. But is it the model or the artist who is at
fault?

From history we learn that the presence of woman upon the earth has not
been an unmixed blessing, for she seems to have caused as much sorrow as
ever she has joy, and the estimation in which she was held in ancient
Biblical times is pretty well manifested by the author of the Mosaic
Cosmogony, who attributes to her the damnation of the whole human race.
Through her first act of disobedience man first tasted of the cup of
misery, and she has been holding the cup to his lips ever since.
Constituted as woman is, was it not cruel to place an injunction on that
fatal tree? for, tell a woman not to do a thing and she is pretty
certain to do it. Of course our first father did not act over
honourably. If he had been imbued with the principles of modern chivalry
he would have screened Eve; have sworn, perhaps, that she was not at all
to blame, and finished up by flinging the apple at the tempter's head.
But man ever had, and always will have an ungodly stomach, and so Adam
took the apple and did eat. Notwithstanding the chivalry aforesaid it is
generally believed that there are more Adams in the world now than what
there are Josephs, and if the trial of the apple came over again, man
would fall even as he fell before, though he were to be ten times more
damned. It is a thousand and one pities that the arch Fiend did not wait
until Eve had become a little old and ugly, for then Adam might have
refused the apple and the whole human race might have been saved.

The Essenes would not marry, not because they denied the validity of the
institution or its necessity, but because they were convinced of the
artfulness and fickleness of the female sex. Then again, the Buddhist
believed, if he does not believe, that no woman could attain a state of
supreme perfection. The accomplished woman becomes man.

Read where we will, and what we will, and let us bend our steps whither
we like, and we find that woman is generally believed to be at the
bottom of everything. We are told that Metellus Numidicus, the censor,
acknowledged to the Roman people in a public oration that had kind
nature allowed us to exist without the help of women, we should be
delivered from a very troublesome companion. But, though man still
growls, poets still sing about woman, lovely woman, and though man
sometimes finds her a devil, painters still depict her in the form of an
angel, and man's imagination fills heaven with beings in her shape and
likeness.

To be just; has not woman somewhat to complain of? Was she not made
after man, and, as some think, of the refuse material? Then again has
she not been sent into the world with, on an average, five ounces less
brains than the allowance given to man? And has she not, from the very
beginning, been obliged to bear patiently, and for the most part with
meekness, all these slights and insults? And to finish, was she not made
as a meet and fitting companion for man? Who will be so impious as to
say that she was spoilt in the making? Alas! we cannot do without her;
no matter how uncomfortable we may at times be with her; and a smile, or
a tear, on a pretty face will blot out and efface all the splutterings
that fall from the pen of ill nature.

What man is there who has not created in his mind some womanly idol, and
here often lies the misfortune; for idols will fall and break into
thousands of pieces; but until the catastrophe happens, we worship at
our shrine and look upon fair forms with heavenly faces; bright radiance
is shed over every feature, and we are in an atmosphere free from all
impurity. We look up to and adore a being whose soul is never clouded by
a base thought; whose chaste and cherry lips never give utterance to a
tainted word. One who can be pure without being a prude; gentle and
charitable without there being a suspicion even of foolishness; one who
can be sensible without being masculine, and innocent without being a
vain and frivolous idiot.

Do I dream? Hush then! do not wake me. Let me wander on, if only for a
brief space in the realms of fancy. I will build for myself castles, and
will people them with fair fantasies. What lovely faces do I see! fit
indexes for pure and intelligent minds. Complexions never touched by the
paint soiled fingers of Art, but as delicate as the petals of a lily,
with the faint blush of the setting sun resting upon them, the whole
crowned with a woman's glory dipped in sunshine and not in dye. What
lovely forms, clothed in silver sheen and girdled with golden belts made
in the armoury of the King of Day!




CHAPTER XXXVI.


The Buccaneer not being able to obtain any reliable information, for
reasons already mentioned, and the voice of the disaffected becoming
louder and louder every day, he determined to hold a grand court, when
all grievances could be made known, and all wrongs if possible
redressed.

When old Dogvane heard of this fresh departure of his master from the
beaten paths of custom, he was very much disturbed. "What, my master!"
he said, "take the muzzle off people's mouths? Rest assured, sir, that
wherever there are human beings, there will be discord and discontent,
which, if encouraged, will soon break through the bounds of moderation
and flood the whole country. Think you, sir, there is a single one in
all your realms who looks upon himself as well treated, though for many
of them hanging would be too good? Say but the word and every molehill
of discontent will be turned into a mountain of no mean size."

It was of no use, the Buccaneer had made up his mind, so the
proclamation was sent out and vast preparations were made. There was
soon great commotion all along the hard. People busy, and a constant
running to and fro. Loads of timber were brought and placed all ready
for the carpenter's hands. There was very much sawing, chiselling and
hammering from early morning until late at night. Bit by bit a huge
structure was built up just in front of the old Constitution public
house, which was, for the time, quite hidden from view by the tiers of
seats, which commencing from a low dais or platform, rose up to a
considerable height behind, being as high indeed as the roofs of the
tallest houses. On the dais and in the centre, there was placed a chair
of State, and the seats immediately behind this were of superior make
and were draped with crimson cloth of superior quality. The awning
overhead was of cloth of gold, and banners were fixed in every suitable
place, while tall flag poles reared their heads and displayed a cloud of
different  bunting. Flags of every nation were to be seen, and
altogether it was a noble sight. Then all the windows along the hard
were dressed out gaily, and festoons of natural and unnatural flowers
were hung about from poles, windows, and roofs. The old Ship of State
was decked in holiday attire, and flags fluttered in the breeze from her
mast heads down to the very water's edge. It was indeed a noble sight to
see the Buccaneer's two ships, and his chief city thus arrayed.

The day at length dawned that was to witness this wonderful pageantry.
Almost as soon as the first ray of light peeped over the head of
departing night crowds of people began to assemble. The old Ship of
State fired her morning gun, and the ship alongside of her called all
the pious Buccaneers to prayer, and hymns rose up on the morning dew.

The leaders of the disaffected began to marshal their respective bands.
There was the sound of music, for on such occasions, people can not get
on without it. It soothes the savage beast, so it is said, and in other
ways does good. Curious idlers with open mouths, full of wonder, passed
to and fro, for such a sight had never been seen before.

The hour came for the great march past to begin, and Liberty, who was
the mistress of the ceremonies, was trying with very great difficulty to
keep her motley crowd in order. The brazen-throated trumpets now brayed
out the notice of the approach of the great Buccaneer, or fighting
trader. How he now styled himself will be shortly seen. With slow and
stately step the great man walked, preceded by his lion and followed
immediately by his trusty coxswain old Jack Commonsense, who was got up,
regardless of expense, for the occasion. The Buccaneer walked between
walls of his subjects, and listened, no doubt, with extreme pleasure to
their shouts of welcome and delight. To see the great is at all times a
gratifying spectacle, when the treat is not repeated too often. After
the Buccaneer had passed his people and had taken his place in the
chair of state, they began to make their comments. "Ah!" said some, "he
is not the man he was." "Yes, yes," cried others, "he is indeed sorely
changed. See how gingerly he treads; how fat he has grown; he is
terribly out of condition. Did you notice, too, that his lion has lost
most of his teeth?" It could not be denied that the bold Buccaneer's
step was not as elastic as it used to be. He was not the gay,
rollicking, hard hitting old sailor that he was in days of yore. Luxury
had begun to mark him as her own, and much energy of action is never
found in her train. He looked puffy and bloated, and altogether, as some
of his people said, out of condition. A voice from the crowd exclaimed
that a good healthy skunk would be far more serviceable than that old
lion. It was the cheap-Jack Jonathan. It was wonderful how he tried to
pass off that skunk of his upon other people; all of whom had no doubt
plenty of skunks of their own. But Jonathan was such a boastful fellow
that he would not be beaten even in a matter of skunks.

Behind the Buccaneer came a numerous retinue of priests, ministers,
soldiers, sailors, statesmen, officials of every degree and parasites of
all kinds and descriptions, for, of course, so great a man could not be
without his fair share of these human insects to feed upon him. The
Buccaneer having taken his seat, with his coxswain standing behind his
chair, the numerous and splendid retinue filed on to the platform and
took up their respective places behind. First of all came the Lords
Spiritual and then the Lords Temporal, and then the rest of the goodly
company, according to their rank and condition. Just as everything was
ready there was a slight confusion caused by an angry discussion between
a pimp and a parasite about the order of precedence; but the dispute was
happily settled without bloodshed. Both watches were, of course, present
on so great an occasion, and amongst the rest were the conspirators of
the cook's caboose. The magnificence of the assemblage was gorgeous in
the extreme, and dazzling, for all wore their robes of state. Jonathan
thought he saw a favourable opportunity of doing a little business, so
he began to offer blue spectacles of a cheap make, and at a seductively
moderate price to the assembled multitude.

Many shouts rose up as some well-known personage passed to his place,
and to save trouble Dogvane kept on bowing acknowledgments for all.
Pepper, the cook, who sat between Billy Cheeks and Chips, with the man
who had been thrown overboard on one occasion, just behind him, tried
very hard to make himself big enough to attract public notice; but he
was only partially successful. Just in front of the platform, but off
it, there was a railed-in space for the Press, to the members of which
the Buccaneer was obliged, as has been already stated, to be
particularly civil, for if affronted, not only would they turn upon him
and lecture him, but they would abuse him plentifully into the bargain.
They all had in front of them their pots of ink,  according to
the party they served. Better kill a plenipotentiary than hurt one of
these gentlemen by an unguarded expression. The Beggar Woman, though no
doubt somewhere amongst the crowd, was not conspicuous on this occasion.

Silence was ordered, and prayer was said, and hymns of praise were sung.
The greatness and the goodness of the Buccaneer were set to sacred
music, and the singers also glorified themselves while they glorified
their master. The High Priest then asked the Ruler of all things to take
this most respectable and pious Buccaneer under His especial protection,
and through His priesthood to bless him; to confound his enemies; to
make him happy, prosperous and glorious, and a few other things scarcely
worth the mentioning, but which would materially increase his joy in
this world. In the end, he asked that the Buccaneer might, through his
Church, obtain a good inheritance in the Kingdom of Heaven. After this
light spiritual refection the Buccaneer experienced that gentle calm
which piety and respectability alone can give, and that inner
consciousness, which at all times so gratified him, namely, that he was
so much better than any of his neighbours, and all those who did not
walk along his road to heaven. He was now quite ready for business.

A very high state official, who was robed in cloth of gold of superior
quality and make, and whose back and front were covered with heraldic
devices, now blew a long and loud blast upon a brazen trumpet, he then
cried out in a loud voice: "Listen all ye whom it may concern. Know ye
then that the most illustrious, potent, and powerful Sea King (thus he
was styled in all official documents), the mighty ruler of an empire,
upon which the sun never sets, the keeper of the keys of Heaven, the
defender of the only true Faith, having heard that some few of his liege
subjects, consider themselves in some trifling matters aggrieved, has
been most graciously pleased to hold this grand court at this time
assembled, so that grievances may be heard and wrongs redressed. May God
bless our great Sea King!" The last few words were merely a matter of
form, because it was well known that the Buccaneer and all his people
were the Lord's anointed. The trumpets again sounded and the procession,
or march past, of the disaffected was ordered to begin; but now another
grave difficulty arose; who was to lead? The mistress of the ceremonies,
following a time-honoured custom, was for bringing on the ladies first,
but a noisy lot of Ojabberaways declared that their burden of oppression
was so great as to do away with all traditions, and that unless they
were allowed to have their own way, no business should be done.

Nothing, perhaps, showed the unfortunate state into which things had
been allowed to pass, than the extreme licence which the Ojabberaways
were allowed to have. They had been given an inch and they had taken the
proverbial ell. A small tribe of people, headed by a small band of paid
patriots, who reaped a rich harvest out of the disaffection of their
countrymen, was allowed to obstruct all business and dictate to the
great Sea King or Buccaneer, what he was to do, and how and at what time
he was to do it. All this was the handiwork of Madam Liberty, who used
Dogvane and a few of his watch, to carry out her designs.

Even Dogvane had said that he must be clothed with sufficient authority
to enable him to rule this obstreperous people, but Dogvane had veered
round a little; and under his protection the Ojabberaways had become a
perfect nuisance, doing very much as they liked.

They gained their point, and with a wild yell, peculiar to their
country, and as blood curdling as the cry of the savage when his hand
grasps the scalp of an enemy, they came on. Some had on masks; some
carried blunderbusses, while others, under their coats, concealed the
dagger of the assassin, and the cartridge of the dynamitard. On they
came, dragging, with ropes round their necks, a lot of unfortunates
whose general bearing and appearance showed that they had seen better
days. These poor gentlemen--for gentlemen they were--had the misfortune
to own land in the green and fertile isle of the Ojabberaways, some
indeed had Ojabberaway blood in their veins; but they belonged to the
hated class called landlords, and their chief crime was, that owning
land, they expected their tenants to pay rents.

No doubt, in the past, injuries had been done and very much injustice.
They may have been hard and even grinding, and even now there might be
some amongst them who were not a credit to their class; but that
scarcely justified a refusal to fulfil all legal contracts. Their
fathers no doubt did many wrongs, lived beyond their means, and ground,
in many cases, their tenants down, for there never was an Ojabberaway
who could live within his means.

"What is our crime?" cried the captives; "what sins have we committed?"

"What sins have ye committed?" cried the Ojabberaways, in turn. "It's
mighty short memories ye have, and eyesight too, for the matter of that.
What are your crimes? Have ye not ground the finest peasantry in the
world down under your feet? And if it was not you, then it was your
fathers, or your grandfathers, or your great grandfathers." They then
turned to the Buccaneer: "We want to be rid of these land-grabbers,
these blood-suckers."

"What is your grievance against them?" the Buccaneer asked.

"Our grievance! Grievance is it?" they replied. "By the Holy Powers, our
country is thick with them. Are we not a down-trodden race? Has not the
foot of the conqueror been upon our necks for ages past? It's a
forgetful memory that perhaps ye have?"

"In the past," the Buccaneer said, "injury may have been done to you,
but ample amends have now been made; and I rule you with the same laws
as I do my other people. What more, in reason, can you ask?"

"We want no laws of your making. We ask that the last link of the chain
that binds us to you may be broken. We demand our independence."

Now one of the victims spoke: "We have our rights too," he said,
addressing the Buccaneer, "and we claim your protection. For many years
we have been your garrison and we are a law-abiding people. We have been
faithful and loyal to you; will you then see us dragged before you with
ropes round our necks, and with hands tied behind our backs? Is this to
be the reward of our loyalty? We ask for what is the birthright of the
meanest of your citizens, protection for our lives and for our own
property."

Thus it went on, and ground that had been trodden over often and often
before, was trodden over again. The difficulty was now to get rid of
this section of the disaffected, for the members showed a disposition to
become squatters and take entire possession of the situation. But some
divinely-inspired individual raised the cry that there was a free fight
going on in an adjacent neighbourhood and so the difficulty was overcome
and the Ojabberaways disappeared as if by magic.

The ladies now were ushered in, but again there was a slight delay
arising out of a dispute about a matter of precedence. A woman will
suffer almost any indignity rather than that of being put in a position
lower than that to which she thinks herself entitled, and it is probable
that in many cases a woman would rather go to the devil in her proper
place than to Heaven out of it. The matter was settled and Madam Liberty
ushered in Miss Progress. She was by no means attractive, and in her
dress she aped somewhat the man. She prided herself upon her
intelligence and looked with disdain upon things usually considered to
belong peculiarly to the female sex. This advanced lady showed none of
the modesty or timidity usually found in women. In a voice loud and
clear she said: "I claim for women equal rights with men. By brute force
we have been kept under and we now demand our freedom. Man has made us
his hewers of wood and his drawers of water; the cookers of his food and
the sewer on of his buttons and the nurser of his squalling brats. Is
woman never to rise superior to such a base position? Is she for ever to
be a slave, at man's beck and call? Away with such a thought! We demand
equal rights and equal voice in all matters, for we are man's equals,
and no longer will we live under laws made by man for the benefit of
man. We will board yonder ships. Our voice shall be heard in your
councils, and our voice shall ring out from your pulpits."

This language was comprehensive and bold. Some amongst the grand company
gave signs of approval. Then a dead silence followed, which was broken
by the old cox'sn, who having first of all hitched up his trousers,
exclaimed: "Mates, I thank my stars that my lower rigging keeps up
without buttons." Just as Miss Progress was again going to begin, old
Jack cried out: "Vast heaving, my hearty!" This familiar language on the
part of a common sailor very much annoyed the lady, who, fixing her
spectacles full upon the cox'sn, asked him who he was. "I am not
surprised, miss, at your asking the question. Now, it's no use beating
about the bush, and as, miss, you wish to be on an equal footing with
man and to rub shoulder to shoulder with him in your daily life, you
must not be too tender-skinned, and you will not mind the plain language
of an honest sailor. You ask me who I am? I am Jack Commonsense, very
much at your service, miss, and with your permission I will return the
compliment and ask you a question. How about your lower rigging?"

"My lower rigging," cried Miss Progress, "what does the vulgar fellow
mean?"

"Well, miss," Jack replied, "petticoats are all very well in their way,
and many a brave and honest lad has run ashore on 'em before now and
become a total wreck; but petticoats do hamper a person a bit, and they
ain't the sort of things to go aloft in, in a gale of wind."

"Who wants to go aloft, pray?" Miss Progress asked.

"Well, miss," Jack answered; "you must take the rough with the smooth,
and if you are going to be man's equal, you must do your fair share of
man's work, and must not cry out if you lose your place in the social
order and in man's estimation. Some of you are even now crying out that
man does not treat you with the consideration that he used to. The fault
lies at your own door. Who is going to take all the blows and hard
knocks; and who is going to do all the fighting?"

"Man, of course," replied Miss Progress, "it is his province, his
sphere."

"But has not woman her sphere? But let that fly stick to the wall; duty
first and pleasure after. As to the fighting, miss; many people think
that that spirit is not altogether absent from the female breast. Many
go so far as to think that the apple which Eve gave to Adam was
flavoured strongly with discord. Never a row yet, so some say, that a
woman was not at the bottom of it. Put your helm down, miss, and go
about; you and your likes are on the wrong tack. No good ever came yet
from a crowing hen; and a maid that whistles ain't likely to be a credit
to her family."

The Buccaneer complimented the cox'sn very much and hoped that his
language would find favour amongst the ladies. Many of the grand company
had dropped off to slumber; others were eagerly engaged in discussions
amongst themselves as to whether it would be a good party stroke to take
up the ladies. Many were for it and old Dogvane, it was thought, was
amongst the number. Miss Progress was by no means satisfied and declared
that woman's sphere was very much too narrow. The cox'sn, being
encouraged by his master's approval, attacked Miss Progress again in
good earnest. "Look'e here, miss," he cried, "your sphere is large
enough if you will only do your duty in it; but as is well-known a bad
workman always finds fault with his tools. If you try to be man's rival
in the world you will come off second best." Many thought that old Jack
would before long be in troubled waters; but he marched boldly on.
"Woman," he cried out, "has a noble sphere. Let her study to be a good
companion for man. Let her aim in life be to make his home comfortable,
and his children happy, useful, and good. That, my hearty, is a woman's
sphere."

Miss Progress explained to the deaf ears of the grand company that she
was single, and the Buccaneer, by way of enlivening the proceedings,
asked his cox'sn if he would not take Miss Progress in marriage; but old
Jack declined with many thanks, and he told the lady in brutally plain
language that spinsters were likely to increase if many women followed
in her wake. Then speaking at the whole sex, through the lady before
him, he exclaimed: "Too many of you are gadders about, and are to be
found everywhere but in your own homes. A good, thrifty, cheerful, and
pleasant housewife is a thing of the past. Too many women in the lower
walks of life by neglecting their first duty, drive their husbands to
the fireside of the pot-house, and their children to their work-house."

Other of the Buccaneer's women now came forward. One wanted to banish
vice from the streets by the strong arm of the law. She drew attention
to what she called the gross immorality of the age, and had she had her
way she would have shut up half the theatres, or turned them into
churches; and have burned most of the light literature of the day.
Perhaps this would have been no disadvantage. She also would have
dressed all the nude figures in the Buccaneer's several academies,
leaving nothing but her own bare shoulders of an evening to offend the
eyes of modesty. The female mind does at times go to strange extremes.
Another peculiarity of the Buccaneer's people was that most of the racy
light literature in his tight little island was written by the women,
and how they became so well acquainted with the shady side of human
nature was a mystery. But genius can explain all things. There is only
one thing to be said against driving vice from the streets by the strong
arm of the law. She is so very likely to find shelter in private
houses, when the purity of the domestic hearth would probably suffer.

After this lady came another who wanted the Buccaneer to banish from his
realms all violent death. She said: "To furnish your idle sons with
sport, birds are slaughtered, and hares and foxes are cruelly chased to
death."

"Young hounds must be blooded," the Buccaneer said.

"Under the cloak of science," the lady continued, "animals are cruelly
tortured, under the inhuman plea that man is to benefit. Then men love
to see cocks spur each other to death, while dogs are allowed to fight
amongst themselves and worry cats in the public streets, without any
interference on the part of the brutal police." The lady finished up by
asking the Buccaneer to banish all violent death from the island, and
thus set a good example to the rest of the world. "Let the butcher die,"
she cried, "rather than his innocent unoffending victims."

All eyes were turned upon Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher of the
Starboard Watch, and many pitied him, and the cook who was a merry man,
said to his friend in a jesting manner: "Billy! old fellow, it was not
for nothing that you had that nervous attack in my galley, but cheer up,
you are not dead yet."

The Buccaneer now began to talk the matter over with his trusty friend,
who said, "Well, yer honour, only speaking for myself, I don't like meat
that dies a natural death, though no doubt your butchers will be glad
enough to sell it. Indeed, some of them will do it now when they can."

Here a pale-faced, solemn, and even miserable-looking man exclaimed:
"Why partake of animal food which brutalizes, when a bountiful
Providence has placed at your hand a vegetable kingdom? Eat, I would
say, of the crumbs that fall from the celestial pantry."

Both the Buccaneer and his cox'sn declared that they did not see how
they were going to make a good square meal out of such a diet, upon
which the last speaker said: "If you must nourish your unrighteous
stomachs, you will find that lentils and even peacods are both pleasant
and sustaining."

"What say you to this, Jack?" asked the Buccaneer.

"Give him rope, yer honour, and before long he will come to the
thistles, and then we had better write ourselves down asses at once. If
we go on, on this tack, sir, there will be no such thing as getting a
chop, or a steak, or even a homely rasher for either love or money, and
the best thing for me to do is to turn to and dig my own grave. But
master, there is another thing that troubles me, though I scarcely like
to give vent to my thoughts before so goodly a company." Jack upon being
earnestly solicited to unburden himself by his master, said: "Well, sir,
it's this way. If we are to banish all violent death from this fair isle
of ours, what about the flea?"

The allusion to this vulgar insect caused no little confusion in so
goodly an assembly, and a wave of irritation seemed to pass through the
whole crowd, affecting even the Lords Spiritual, and Miss Progress was
so put about by being kept in the back-ground, whilst so much good time
was being wasted upon so trivial a matter, that she exclaimed with
considerable warmth, "Perish the flea!" Upon this old Jack cried out to
the amusement of all, "There I am with you, miss; but first of all
you've got to catch him."

The bold Buccaneer was extremely tickled, and his sides shook with
merriment, and of course every one joined in. So great was the mirth
that the whole noble structure was shaken to its very foundation, so
much so, that the old lion got up from his recumbent position, and
looked round in a terrified manner, and the cox'sn cried out as he
turned towards the company, "Vast heaving, my hearties! Clap a stopper
upon your laughing gear, and make all merriment fast."

The shrill blast of a herald's trumpet now claimed the attention of all,
and the aggrieved women were dismissed with a promise that their case
should receive the consideration it deserved, and the probability of a
Royal Commission was hinted at, and with this they were obliged to be
satisfied. Again the shrill notes of a brazen trumpet pierced the air,
and silence unfolded her wings and hovered over the company. Now a
herald, gorgeously apparelled in cloth of gold, emblazoned back and
front in the customary fashion, entered upon the scene, and expectation
was all on tip-toe.

"A messenger, a messenger, no doubt," cried Dogvane, "from his august
and most sable Majesty King Hokee with dispatches from the most noble
Bandit of the East."

With much pomp and ceremony the herald advanced, carrying over his left
shoulder a spear, and in his right hand what looked like a battered
beaver hat, with the crown knocked out. Halting in front of the
Buccaneer, he exclaimed, after having made the usual obeisance, "Most
noble and illustrious Sea King, ruler of the universe, the holder of the
only key to Heaven, the redresser of wrongs, the chastiser of the evil
doer, and the terror of the oppressor, know that a little while since,
while yet the day was but a few hours old, two friendly factions of the
Ojabberaways met, and entered upon an argument apparently from opposite
premises, and this is the conclusion that they arrived at." With this he
stuck his spear into the battered beaver, for such it was, and raised it
up on high, for an admiring crowd to gaze upon. When curiosity was
satisfied a very high state official took charge of the interesting
relic, and it was conveyed with much ceremony to one of the Buccaneer's
principal museums.

It must be owned that to sit and listen to the complaints of so many
people was trying to the patience of all; but the Buccaneer and his
family were well trained to this sort of thing, and even liked it.
Sunday after Sunday the uncrowned queen, Respectability, sent them all
to church, sometimes even twice. There they sat quietly under their
favourite pulpit, and listened without a murmur to their pastor, who
frequently either chided them as children, treated them as fools, or
eternally damned them all as incorrigible sinners.

The upper ranks of the Buccaneer's people now came on and complained
that their heels were being kicked by those who came after them, and
that the respect that once was given to rank and social position was now
grudgingly bestowed, if indeed it was bestowed at all. The deputation
was presented with the proverb which the Buccaneer and his cox'sn had
picked up in their roving days on the Spanish Main, and they were
recommended to have it framed and hung up in some convenient place,
where their children might be able to look upon it.

The Squire followed, and he again laid bare his numerous complaints;
said he could never remember the time when he was in such low water, for
he could get little or nothing out of his tenants, whilst his burdens
were more than he could bear. Scarcely had he finished speaking, when
his tenants appeared in a body, and declared, that owing to the foreign
cheap-Jacks underselling them, they could not get enough out of the land
to keep body and soul together, let alone money enough to pay their
landlord rents. Some of these tenants complained too, that the clergy
were too exacting, and made no abatement in their tithe charge; but
demanded the pound of flesh that was in their bond.

This brought the clergy forward, and they declared that their claim was
the first charge upon the land, which was taken subject to the burden.
The pulpit produces the speaker, if it does nothing else. "Is it not in
our bond," they said, "that we shall have the tenth part of the yearly
increase arising from the profits of the land, the stock upon the land,
and the personal industry of those living upon the land, or a just
equivalent for these?"

There was now a most learned discussion upon the origin and nature of
the tithe charge, all of which did little less than breed confusion. The
argument was taken up amongst the company. Some said that it began first
as a purely voluntary offering, but that long since a crafty priesthood
had fossilized it into a hard and fast legal right, which weighed
heavily upon the land in such hard times. The clergy said that it was on
account of the hardness of men's hearts that the offering had to be
legalized into a right. "If," they said, "the charge were left to the
free will of man, we should soon starve, for man would give nothing in
so selfish, degenerate, and worldly an age. The custom is sanctioned by
age and by Divine authority, for did not Abraham, when he spoiled the
five kings, give a tenth part of the spoils to Melchisedek?" No one
seemed bold enough to deny this, and the clergy finished up by saying
that as they were called upon to fulfil their obligations, so they must
call upon other people to fulfil theirs.

This seemed but reasonable; but just as the Buccaneer was going to
deliver judgment, the poor clergy took the opportunity to come forward
and present their grievance, which was to the effect that they, and
their families, were in many cases in want. Upon being appealed to, the
High Priest and Lords Spiritual declared that it was so, and that it
reflected the greatest discredit upon the Buccaneer and all his people,
for it betokened a selfish hardness of heart that was most
unchristian-like.

The poorer clergy were treated to a most excellent discourse upon the
beauties of poverty, which beauties, it would appear, that even the
clergy love best to contemplate at a distance, which in this, as in most
things else, lends enchantment to the view. It was pointed out to this
section of the disaffected, by those in spiritual authority, that Christ
Himself was a great advocate for poverty and condemned in no measured
terms the greed after riches; that all His early disciples were poor and
lowly, and that His religion was propagated by a band of holy, but
shoeless beggars. The poor clergy were bid to find comfort in this, and
walk in the path to which they had been called with a sanctified
humility.

The old cox'sn now got himself into disgrace, for he turned round and
asked the preacher how he could reconcile the precept with the general
practice. How, if poverty was such a fine thing, the clergy did not
practise it themselves. The high ecclesiastics to whom Jack addressed
himself did not condescend to answer so impertinent a remark, but all
chance of Church preferment was for ever gone from the old cox'sn, and
it is even possible that if he then had died he would not have been
allowed Christian burial.

"This difficulty," cried the Buccaneer, "can be easily overcome." Then
turning to his Lords Spiritual and other high church dignitaries, he
said, "While some on board of your ship, my lords, have too much, others
have too little of this world's wealth. A little while since some
amongst you preached a homily upon the beauties of poverty. All of you
follow the Master who said that it is easier for a camel to go through
the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven,
and when that rich man is a priest, how doubly hard must be the task.
Therefore, I say to you, as I have said before, and in the language of
Him whom you profess to follow, 'sell all that you have and give it to
the poor,' or at least, share your riches amongst your poorer brethren."

Now, when those in authority on board the old Church Hulk heard this
they were extremely sorrowful and sorely grieved, for many of them had
large incomes and other worldly possessions, while some had fashionable
and ambitious wives, and many had large families, and, as everyone
knows, it is hard enough to serve two masters, and next to impossible
when the masters are increased to many.

The old cox'sn, who was of a pious turn, wondered what would happen if
Christ were to appear again upon earth and enter some one of the
Buccaneer's many temples where the perfumed flowers of his fashionable
society worshipped God, or, perhaps many gods, in all their pride and
splendour. Jack, however, kept his counsel. He was an humble individual
and it was not for him to meddle in such weighty matters.

Close upon the heels of the Church came the Buccaneer's lawyers, and
true chips were these of the ancient block. The members of the Devil's
own, as they were called, complained that an interfering fellow on board
of the old Ship of State had called them brigands and other offensive
names. This they did not so much mind, but what they did object to was,
that busy bodies, instead of paying attention to their own business,
wanted to meddle with theirs, and by so doing, to curtail their
perquisites and cut down their fees. Of all the Buccaneer's trades and
professions, in no one was the principle of the parable before alluded
to more conspicuous than in his legal profession, the members of which
not only fleeced their sheep, but flayed them, whenever they had the
smallest opportunity. The estimation they were held in, even amongst the
Buccaneer's people, was shown by the fact that in all his works of
fiction, either on the stage or in novels, almost all the rogues were
provided by the legal profession.

But the spirit of robbery to which allusion has been so frequently made,
was to be found even where it ought not to have existed. Many of the
Buccaneer's schools were presided over by members of his State Church
and many of his teachers were drawn from the same source. Now some of
these, in an underhand way, robbed the parents of the boys intrusted to
their charge, for they were paid extremely well, if not exorbitantly, to
educate their pupils, but in too many cases they taught them little or
nothing, and sent them home, into the bargain, to live a good portion of
the time at their parents' expense. Then at the end of what was by
courtesy called their academical career, the young birds were sent out
into the world veritable fledgelings as regards their knowledge, with
not feathers sufficient to cover the nakedness of their ignorance or to
fly in search of food. This is at the top of that scale at the bottom of
which lies the vulgar thief who breaks through and steals.

After the lawyers came the doctors, who complained that people
apparently had little or no inclination to get ill. They declared there
seemed to be a selfish desire on the part of every one to keep the
time-honoured and much-trusted family doctor out in the cold, and if it
were not for the love which still kept a strong hold upon the people, to
over-eat and over-drink themselves, their profession would be but a poor
one, though in young children they still found some little support.
Whether the doctors robbed the people or not, could not very easily be
told as they rendered no details with their accounts.

The next lot to appear, showed by their double chests and double chins
that they were no strangers to good living, and no doubt beneath their
capacious waistcoats lay the tail end of many a bottle of their master's
wine. These men complained that their masters had become so niggardly
and looked after things so closely themselves, that perquisites (by some
called plunder) were quite things of the glorious past, so that the
modest independence with the public house, the lodging house, or the
green-grocer's shop, was put so far away into the future as to come too
late, if it ever came at all.

These much ill-used individuals had the same sad story to tell about
foreign competition. They declared people came over in crowds from their
neighbours and took the bread out of their mouths. Now came the women
servants, resplendent in their cheap finery, and with airs and graces
aped from their betters. Some of these quarrelled with some thing, some
with another, and one and all seemed considerably above their position,
being much too proud to work.

Before dealing with these the Buccaneer ordered on the masters and
mistresses so that by hearing their side of the story he might be the
better able to judge. It was a sign of the times that the servants came
on first, and many believed that this merely was the finger post which
pointed to a state of things, when all would be changed and the classes
would be the humble and obedient slaves of the masses, when King Mob
would wield the sceptre over the Buccaneer's people. It, therefore,
behoved those interested to see that their future masters were properly
educated.

The employers now declared that it was almost impossible to get good
servants. Not one would bear correction. They demanded high pay for
doing very little work, and grumbled at all times both at the quality
and the quantity of their food. They declared that the lower orders were
now so educated that all the girls preferred either to go into shops, or
into the school-room, and then the suffering upper classes were called
upon to support institutions to keep these spoilt children off the
streets. There was a general complaint too, that the stomachs of the
serving classes had become so dainty, that they turned up their noses at
what their betters were very well contented with, and there was a
general concurrence of opinion that, rather than put up with the
insolence, ignorance, and idleness of the Buccaneer's own people,
masters and mistresses would either do without servants altogether, or
employ foreigners, who were more industrious, very much more sober, and
quite as honest as the Buccaneer's people, while they did not go to
their local clubs or pot houses, and talk over their master's affairs,
and disclose to the vigilant burglar the whereabouts of their master's
silver. Nor were they in league with the local tradesmen to rob their
masters.

"Away with you all," cried the Buccaneer, addressing the servants. He
was always ready to condemn peculation on such a scale as this. "Away
with you," he cried, "for you are all robbers in disguise. Speak to
them, Jack, and trounce them well with thy tongue."

"Aye, aye, yer honour. 'Bout ship, my lads and lasses, before shame and
misfortune throw their grappling irons on board of you. You're heading
for the jail and the work-house, and before you lie poverty and misery.
'Bout ship, I say, before you find that hunger is the best sauce for a
proud stomach."

This batch went away more dissatisfied than ever, and they declared that
the old coxswain's language was brutal in the extreme, and they swore
they would have nothing to do with such a fellow as that. They
determined to get some one of the ship's crew, who wanted some
opportunity to bring himself before the public, to take their case up,
and by putting a heavy tax upon foreign labour, give them greater
opportunities to be independent, more idle, and insolent.




CHAPTER XXXVII.


The Buccaneer thought that for a contented and prosperous people he had
his fair share of disaffection; but Liberty now ushered in a pale-faced
and solemn looking batch, who declared that drink was sending the
Buccaneer's people to the dogs and the devil. They carried in front of
them a banner on which was depicted a drunkard beating his wife, and
ill-using his starved children. On the reverse, there was the besotted
mother and the sober but miserable husband. This cheerless-looking lot,
upon whose features laughter-loving mirth never seemed to dwell, were
the total abstainers, who declared that nothing would save the Buccaneer
and his people, except they were all made sober by law.

"Why, Jack!" cried the Buccaneer, turning to his friend, "one lot wants
to feed me on peacods, while another wants to drench me with water."

But now a portly lot of red-faced, pimply-nosed publicans, whose
stomachs were as round as one of their own beer barrels, pushed their
way to the front, and swore that water was being the ruin of them. They
told the Buccaneer in plain and unmistakable language, that if his
people continued to walk in the paths of sobriety at the same rate at
which they were at present going, the source from which he derived no
little of his revenue would be completely dried up, and he would lose
millions of his yearly income, when his upper classes would have to bear
the burden of increased taxation.

The Buccaneer always taxed his upper classes as much as ever he could.
Perhaps this was right. Besides, what was called the people, that
mighty, but barely defined force, did not like taxation, and therefore
they were exempted; but they had no prejudice otherwise against the
principle.

The Buccaneer was touched, and after a moment's consideration he said,
"Why can't my subjects drink in moderation, and not make beasts of
themselves?"

"Why not, indeed, sir?" answered the publicans. "A man in moderation can
take a good quantity of liquor and not hurt himself, and yet benefit the
trade and his country. We set our face against your habitual drunkard.
He is our enemy, because he gives in too soon. It is the steady drinker;
the man who is always at it, and yet who never gets himself into
difficulties, that is our friend."

To lose millions a year. This was indeed a serious affair, and the
Buccaneer feared that those muddling water drinkers would do him
considerable harm. But there was a bright spot looming in the distance,
for had not his trusty Captain Dogvane told him that there was a heathen
nation with an immense population to be civilised? Of course it was
against his religious principles that he should place drunkenness within
easy reach of this people; but then, if at the same time he gave them
his Book, and rescued them from the devil, that would be a fair
exchange, and in all things human, there must be shortcomings; things
that one would willingly prevent if one could, but we cannot expect
perfection in this world, and we must therefore have recourse to that
most useful and necessary custom of winking at things we cannot help. It
is much to be regretted, that the heathen with civilisation will take to
strong liquors, as naturally apparently as a duck takes to water. But he
does, so there is an end of it. The Buccaneer now eased his conscience
by being extremely severe upon his publicans whom he read a sharp
lecture. He treated them in a most haughty manner, said they were a
demoralizing agency; a blot, a blemish, and a disgrace; but still he
took their money. He told them they had better take care of themselves.

The publicans said that was the very thing of all others they would try
to do; but they added that the officers of the Buccaneer's Revenue were
so precious sharp, and were so much against them, and were down upon
them with such heavy penalties if they attempted to help their friends
the teetotallers, by watering their ales, and other strong drinks, that
virtue had no chance to be over-virtuous. They declared that the
licentious Revenue officers hovered over them like a lot of hungry
vultures; and with their meddlesome ways were doing an infinity of
mischief.

The publicans were a mighty power in the Buccaneer's kingdom, and it is
to his credit that he rebuked them even as he did. He read them a
lecture, and having in his mind's eye the banner of the teetotallers he
pointed out to the delinquents the frightful consequences of drink. The
publicans were quite equal to the occasion, they said that there were
two sides to every question, and that the devil himself was not half as
black as he was painted. To this the Lords Spiritual took exception, and
they rose in a body and entered their protest against such a blasphemous
assertion. Of course this weighty matter could not be argued out at such
a time, or in such a place; but it was taken up on board the old Church
Hulk, and received there all the attention it deserved, and no doubt it
was the means of adding still more to the Buccaneer's numerous sects.

Some were inclined to subject the devil to the fashionable process known
as white-washing. As every eminent blackguard in ancient, and up to a
certain time even in modern history, has undergone this treatment, there
is no reason why his satanic majesty should be left out in the cold. It
seems hard that the blackguard Judas should not have been favoured, but
perhaps some champion will yet arise to take up his cause. Does not the
Christian world owe him something? Would it have been saved from the
torments of hell, if Judas had not played the betrayer's part? The
publicans said there was a good deal of prejudice about drink. That
party feeling here, as elsewhere, ran extremely high, engendering very
much animosity, and thus a good deal of obloquy and unjust reproach was
heaped upon the head of the poor drunkard. They begged that the subject
might be approached in no mean or narrow spirit. They maintained that
the drunkard, if only a steady going drunkard, and a man of regular
habits, was a public benefactor. One who did his best through the means
of indirect taxation to swell the revenues of the State, and as a vast
number of the Buccaneer's people paid no direct taxes, the only way they
helped to keep up the dignity, the honour, the welfare, and the safety
of the empire was by getting as drunk as they could, as often as they
could. Indeed, looking at it from their point of view, the greater the
drunkard, the greater the benefactor he was to the community; he being a
man who sacrificed himself, and frequently his family, for the sake of
his country, as every good citizen should. If he broke down occasionally
under the burden of indirect taxation, he was an object more of pity
than of contempt. And if he beat his wife, and starved his children,
what then? The individual must at all times be sacrificed for the sake
of the general public. So eloquent were the publicans, and there was so
much force in what they said, that the Buccaneer began to waver. The
publicans seeing the good impression they had made, continued on in the
same direction, and pointed out that if the teetotallers set up the pump
and pulled down the pot-house, that not only would the great Buccaneer
lose his revenue, but that his people would assuredly become gourmands,
for that there never was a total abstainer who was not a large if not a
coarse feeder, and of the two, a drunkard, they declared, bad as he was,
was infinitely to be preferred to a glutton.

The case was undoubtedly a serious one. Not one amongst the grand
company--not even Dogvane himself--would dare to give an opinion
directly against the publicans, such was their power in the island. The
Buccaneer was obliged to admit that the drunkard was a despicable
rascal, and the cause of very great misery; but then the public-houses
brought in such a very large revenue.

There appeared to be only one way out of the difficulty and that was to
have recourse to a Royal Commission. This institution which has before
been mentioned, requires to be explained, for it was extremely useful to
the Buccaneer and got him out of many difficulties. It was a wonderful
institution and had many and various virtues. It was supposed to contain
a cure for every evil under the sun and to possess wonderful powers of
finding out ills and their several remedies; and it was supposed to have
a microscopic eye, and a bright intelligence, that shed a light into the
darkest holes and corners. At least, it was supposed to do all this. It
was a mysterious institution, having, indeed, some of the attributes of
the Inquisition. There was one thing about it that was evident to all.
It was extremely slow in its working, and perhaps in this lay no little
of its virtue, for anything that it took under its consideration faded
away from public view long before any conclusion was arrived at, and
thus it may be said that it squeezed all the life out of whatever it sat
upon, and then buried its victim in some official pigeon-hole, or other
tomb belonging to oblivion.

What the publicans had said brought forward the butchers; but Billy
Cheeks had nothing to do with these. They declared they were doing
scarcely any business. They said that however true it might be, as a
general rule, about water-drinkers being large eaters, they saw no signs
of total abstinence in this respect amongst the people. They added that
what with foreign competition and the growing carefulness of
housekeepers, who kept far too sharp an eye upon their allies the cooks,
their profits were falling off every day. Then they pointed out that
their trade was being threatened by the vegetarians, who could stuff
themselves to repletion for about sixpence, or even less. Now a farmer,
who having heard what the butchers had said, declared butchers ought to
be making large fortunes, for that they charged the people quite double,
and sometimes more, than what they gave for the meat. This was quite
true, but then the butchers only acted upon that principle of robbery
which was to be detected in the breast of most of the trading
Buccaneers, and was all due, no doubt, to an old Sea King, or pirate,
having taken to business in his latter years, and the principle on which
he traded, namely, of turning his five talents into ten.

The dispute between the burly farmer and the burly butcher seemed
likely to end in blows; but the vegetarians stepped in and acted as a
buffer. They declared that animal food was not at all necessary, and
that if men would only feed upon vegetables there would be no wars and
they would live longer and more intellectual lives.

"If that comes to pass," said old Jack, "farewell to the lowing herds
and the bleating flocks, for man isn't going to keep these things to
look at, and a pretty flabby weak-kneed lot we shall be. Give me my chop
and toothsome steak, say I."

Jack was told that he was very much behind the time and that science was
dead against him. This discussion was put an end to by the appearance of
the milkmen who complained that they had suffered considerably since
they had been stopped manufacturing their own cream, adulterating their
milk with water, and mixing fat with their butter. In fact, all the
tradesmen had the same story to tell, and cried out against the
stringent laws which ground them down to a rigid line of honesty.
Perquisites and peculation, they declared, were almost things of the
past, and they added that all this was strictly against the interests of
trade, and was not according to precedent. They wanted to know where the
Buccaneer would have been if, in his fine old Buccaneering days, he had
been so hampered. In conclusion they declared that a too rigid honesty
was not compatible with prosperity, and that though "honesty is the best
policy" is a capital text to put over your door, it is a bad principle
to practise behind the counter. They added that "_caveat emptor_" ought
to be the motive power between man and man in all his mercantile
transactions, and that idiots should be left to take care of themselves.

This unprincipled language horrified the Buccaneer, who having long
since become wealthy, could now afford to be honest, virtuous, and
respectable. So he condemned, in no measured terms, these nefarious
adulterators, and would-be peculators. It is true that these tradesmen
were but chips of the ancient block; but that block had now been laid
aside, and was only produced on very great and state occasions, when the
magnitude of it quite overshadowed all the small chips that had been cut
from it, and the block was so highly polished that it looked altogether
beautiful and quite virtuous.

But who are these men, who look like whitened sepulchres, that are
treading so closely upon the heels of the milkmen?

These are the Buccaneer's bakers, who declared that nearly all the
Buccaneer's bread was made by foreign hands, who were literally taking
the very bread out of the mouths of the Buccaneer's own sons.

The Buccaneer knew there was very great truth in this. But how was he to
remedy the evil? His was a free land and people ever had been allowed to
come and to go at their own pleasure; and to buy and sell, and to make
their money as best they could. Then the bakers had the same complaint
about the severity of the law, which kept so strict an eye upon them all
to the detriment of trade, that it was not safe to use any of the
substances so useful in adulterating bread, such as bean meal, rice
flour, potatoes and peas, indian corn, salt, and alum. Of course they
admitted that too much alum was not good for the human stomach, but that
was no business of theirs, and the human stomach could adapt itself to
all things, so wonderfully and marvellously was it made.

The brewers next had their say, and declared that their ales and stouts
stood a chance of being washed out of the market by the light beverages
from the other side of the water, and that these and wishy-washy wines
were ruining their trade, and undermining the constitution of the
people. These malcontents declared that this was but the thin end of the
wedge which was eventually to cleave the Buccaneer's prosperity asunder.
It was by good strong brewed ales and beef that he had made himself what
he was, and unless John Barleycorn was reinstated they fully believed
that the Buccaneer would dwindle down to the mere shadow of his former
self.

This oration met with general approval; for there were many who thought
that beer and beef produced good muscle, sound bodies, and healthy and
courageous minds; but a sickly smile played upon the features of the
teetotallers and vegetarians, who pitied all those whose minds were so
much clouded by ignorance.

Now a general cry rose up from amongst the traders against the buyers,
who, it was said, were ruining trade by their co-operation, which, it
was declared, had taken all the gilt off their gingerbread. The strange
part of the thing was, that while the shop-keepers claimed the privilege
of combining together to fleece their customers they denied the latter
the right of combining together for their own protection. "How," they
asked, "were poor people to maintain their families, make a modest
competence, and support their public burdens, if the consumers
patronized co-operative stores?" They all declared that in days,
unhappily long since past, people lived quite as long as they did now,
if not longer. This they considered a conclusive proof that
adulteration, if conducted upon the principles of moderation, was not
detrimental to the coatings of the human stomach, which, they said, was
being ruined by the extreme care that was being taken of it, until
indeed there was a good chance of that pampered and petted member ruling
the whole body in a most tyrannical manner. The stomach had been made to
do certain work; then why relieve it of its responsibility?

The tailors now advanced, and they also had their grievance; for they
declared that the atmosphere was so impregnated with honesty that their
cabbages were nothing like as fine as what they used to be; and they
made the same cry out against foreign competition. The shoemakers had
the same tale to tell. Behind these came the handmaids to fashion and
folly, who declared that their field of operation was becoming more and
more contracted, not on account of any falling off in the vanity of the
female sex, but on account of the cruel laws that had been passed to
guard the husbands against the extravagance of their wives. All this
they declared was extremely unjust and entirely against the interest of
trade.

The honest Hodge family now came lumbering along, and each member
carried in his hands a halter of rope. The Buccaneer beheld them with
amazement, for he feared they were going to take a leaf out of the
Ojabberaways' book and make a prisoner of the poor old Squire. He was
relieved to find they had no such intention. The Hodge family were one
and all agriculturalists, but they declared that times were sadly out of
joint with them. They said they wished to make a prisoner of no one; but
they each of them had been promised a cow and a bit of land, by a
gentleman they saw amongst the grand company, and they had brought the
bit of rope to lead their beast back. "Hodge," cried the Buccaneer,
"your bed may not be one of roses; but your condition has wonderfully
improved. Your wages in the last fifty years have been doubled, and so
have your comforts. You ever have had the reputation of being an honest
fellow, willing to earn by the sweat of your brow a living; keep in the
same track. Remember promises are made of pie crust, and take care, my
honest fellow, that designing people neither make a tool nor a fool of
you." Hodge scratched his head to try by gentle irritation to conjure
his brain into such a state of activity that he might understand the
situation, but he found no relief, and had to go away muttering to
himself that "summut must be wrong somewhere."

A complete damper was now put upon the whole of the proceedings, by the
appearance of a most melancholy and miserable-looking body of men. On
their faces woe, deep woe, sat enthroned, and their dress bore testimony
to the depth of their sorrow. This mournful section of the disaffected
could scarcely speak for emotion. It was a deputation from the
undertakers, who declared that unless something was done to revive and
encourage their drooping trade, they would all have to throw themselves
upon the community by entering the work-house. They said their business
was not what it had been or what it ought to be. Though perhaps they did
not suffer as much as other traders from foreign competition, people
still having sufficient respect for themselves to wish to be buried in
home-made coffins, yet the general depression, but more especially that
which bore so heavily upon their worthy friends, the publicans, bid fair
to ruin them. Indeed, they saw little before them but their own
tenantless coffins. Then they said that buryings had so fallen off that
little or no margin for profit was left, for not only had they decreased
in number, but also considerably in quality. People, they declared,
seemed to take more care of themselves than they used to; eating less,
and drinking less; consequently living longer. Then when they died they
generally left behind them strictly economical and even niggardly
instructions, and worse still, relations who were mean enough to carry
them out. They said all this was against the interests of trade, and
ought to be put a stop to. All hired grief, they declared, was a drug
upon the market. The nodding funereal plumes were fast vanishing. The
pensive, sorrow-faced, and red-nosed mute, they declared, would soon be
a being of the past, and would only live in the pages of history, unless
some fresh life was put into him by more frequent deaths, and more
decent and expensive funerals. They said that the money now spent upon
floral decorations, which in a few hours were crushed under the earth,
if they did not find their way to the grave-digger's cottage, would keep
a mute in drink and his wife and family in bread for many weeks, and
they declared that such sinful waste ought to be put down by the strong
arm of the law. It was a pity, they said, that such a hardness of heart
had seized upon the Buccaneer's people, for that now the circumstances
of the deceased could no longer be told by the funeral obsequies, and
that now many a great, and even rich man, went to his last resting-place
with no more pomp, than if he had been one of mean degree. A few widows
perhaps, whose hearts were stricken with remorse for the lives they had
led their husbands, and out of gratitude for the comfortable
circumstances they had been left in, still showed liberality, but the
number, though respectable, was not more than sufficient to give a small
flicker to the dying lamp of their prosperity.

With eyes brimful of tears, they declared that their old friends, the
doctors, were deserting them, for they did not now kill half the people
they used to, and there seemed to be a selfish desire on all sides to
cheat the grave, and consequently to injure the undertakers.

Then they declared that science was doing an infinity of harm by poking
its nose into every offensive smell it came across, by trapping drains,
emptying, and forbidding cesspools, and finding sanitary preventions for
nearly every disease. This, they declared, was violating one of the
Buccaneer's most cherished principles, namely, the liberty of the
subject. They further said that their trade now, owing to the doctors,
science, and the spread of education, which was an enemy to dirt and
drains, seldom, if ever, received a fillip from the friendly hand of an
epidemic. As the absence of outdoor, and indoor, parish relief was an
index to the prosperity of the country, so they declared that the
falling off even in pauper funerals bore ample testimony to their
languishing trade.

Thus ended this funeral oration, and it had such an effect upon the
Buccaneer that what little spirits he commenced the day with had
completely vanished. It seemed to him that each hour brought before him
a sadder picture, and he called for the captain of his watch, for he
wanted to ask him how he could reconcile what he had said about the
general happiness, and prosperity of his people, with this long list of
disaffection. But old Dogvane was not to be found. Some said he had only
just gone round the corner for a few minutes, while others said he was
on duty on board of the old Ship of State.

After a little consideration the Buccaneer made known to the undertakers
how deeply he was grieved at their sad story, "But," he added, "in such
things it is not well to act with indecent haste, lest some greater
injury should be done. So grave do I consider the matter you have
brought before me that I promise you a Royal Commission."

With voices quivering with emotion the undertakers thanked their august
master for his extreme consideration, and most gracious condescension,
and they said they felt sure that if their case was only laid before a
Royal Commission it would certainly not be prejudiced by any undue, or
indecent haste.

But now there was a great commotion going on in the crowd, and two angry
women were heard abusing each other like the proverbial fish-fags. The
one was called Fair Trade, the other Free Trade. These two had had a
quarrel of long standing, and they never met that they did not exchange
compliments. Each carried baskets, in which were various articles of
merchandise. They seemed now to have a strong inclination to tear each
other to pieces, and their shrill voices were heard for a considerable
distance, and forced themselves upon the ears of the grand company.

"If I had my way," cried the one known as Fair Trade, "I would tear all
that cheap finery of yours off your back."

"Yes," exclaimed the other, "and stick it upon your own. That costly,
but sober looking homespun of yours needs something to set it off," so
said Free Trade, who held up before the eyes of the people her cheap
wares.

"Buy my home-made loaf," cried Fair Trade.

"Buy mine at half the price," cried Free Trade.

"Better give me double for mine," exclaimed Fair Trade, "than deal with
that woman. She is bringing ruin upon us with her cheap trash. Through
her our cornfields lie fallow. Through her our industries languish, and
some even have passed away from us. Through her our country has been
filled with idle hands, and the wolf of want has been brought to many a
door."

"They don't seem to have settled their dispute yet, Jack," the Buccaneer
said.

"No, sir. A few years since and nothing would do but you must lie the
old bluff-bowed ship Protection up, and now some of them are always
casting longing eyes at her, and their sighs of regret would fill the
sails of a Seventy-Four."

"What!" cried the Buccaneer, in dismay, as he saw Poverty with her large
family of ragged and half-starved children now come on to the scene.
"You here again. Why I am constantly doing something for you, and my
Great Hat is forever being sent round."

"And still I want," said Poverty.

"I have built you model dwellings. I have ordered all your drains to be
trapped; your cesspools cleaned, and your dustbins emptied; and all your
children I insist upon being sent to school, so that they may learn the
efficacy of comfort and cleanliness, and learn to bear with patience
their many sufferings."

"But I ask for food," persisted Poverty.

The Buccaneer now said, "I give you, my good woman, the very best of all
food, namely, food for the mind."

But Poverty answered, "Why turn the lamp of knowledge into my hovel? Why
teach me that while others have plenty, I am in rags, cold, and hungry.
Knowledge on an empty stomach is a dangerous thing. To open my eyes is
the refinement of cruelty, for ignorance, at least, dulls the edge of
misery. If you cannot fill my stomach and patch up the rents in my
clothes, then in pity kill me. Send me to a lethal chamber and let me
revel for a brief moment in the luxury of one good meal, and let me pass
into eternity without the pinching pangs of hunger."

This language shocked every one, and the feeling was still more
increased, when Pity, who was standing not far off weeping, said,
"Mother, if you cannot feed this poor woman and her many children; if
you have no room for them, then for my sake take them to thy bosom,
close their eyes, and hush them to sleep in everlasting slumber."

Poverty was chided in a gentle tone by the Buccaneer's High Church
dignitaries there assembled, and prayers were said for her, and she was
told that though she received stripes and lashes here, in the next world
she would be rewarded, and she was bid to fix her gaze upon that region
which lies beyond the grave, where the bright star of Hope is forever
shining, and where there is neither hunger, cold, nor thirst.

Just as all sympathy was enlisted on the side of this poor woman a
circumstance happened that changed the whole current of feeling.
Suddenly a cry rose up of "Stop, thief." It was now found that while all
interests were centred upon Poverty, one of her children, seeing the
opportunity, slipped round, and getting unobserved upon the platform,
had crawled along, in a most irreverent manner, under the legs of the
Lords Spiritual, and being totally uninfluenced by the atmosphere of
sanctity in which he moved, the young rascal had slipped his hand into
the capacious pocket of the Buccaneer, and had taken therefrom ever so
much gold and silver, while the old coxswain was found to have lost his
best silk bandana.

This bold act of robbery caused a great commotion, and extreme
indignation, and in trying to catch the thief, Poverty was entirely
forgotten, for, of course, crime in a community is a much more serious
thing than any amount of want, though one is frequently but the
offspring of the other.

So indignant was the Buccaneer at this gross act of ingratitude, that
directly he regained his composure, he read Poverty a lecture and told
her she ought to be ashamed of herself, and that unless she took better
care of her children they would be sure to fall into either the jailer's
or the hangman's hands. "No wonder," he said, "that misery darkens your
doors, and hunger pinches your children's stomachs. Away with you," he
cried, "and learn to be honest, thrifty, industrious, and sober, for God
alone helps those who help themselves."

There was a twinkle in the old coxswain's eye. He was labouring, like a
ship in a gale of wind, under the influence of a joke. A joke is of such
a nature that the owner of it cannot keep it in. Like murder it will
out. "Master," he said, "your doctrine is a little dangerous. You scold
Poverty one moment for what you bid her do the next."

"How so?"

"Why did not her young brat help himself to my bandana and to your
superfluous cash?"

The expression on the Buccaneer's face at thus being trifled with, was
such that old Jack, to make use of sea-faring language, bore away, and
mixed amongst the crowd, just as another great hubbub arose from the
regions of the disaffected. The grand court was broken up by Demos, who
having collected as many as he could of the discontented had raised his
standard again and was for enthroning King Mob in the Buccaneer's chair
of State. With wild shouts and with flourishes of sticks and other
improvised weapons, he came on and demanded a hearing, and many thought
there would be just such another to-do as when the old cox'sn so
gallantly defended the gorge and regained possession of the Place of
Discord.

Demos now in the attitude more of a dictator than a supplicant, demanded
of the Buccaneer that capital should be confiscated and divided amongst
the people. That luxury should be banished. That all should be made to
work for a living and that the hours of labour should be defined,
limited, and enforced by law. "By nature," he said, "all are equal, and
in the sight of God there is no such thing as class distinction. Every
person born is born to an inheritance, and that is a right to live."
Demos declared that all property must be common, and all human drones
destroyed. He raised the old cry of equality, which history and even
nature has proved to be an impossibility.

When the crowd heard the words of Demos there was a great shouting and
clapping of hands. This comprehensive scheme somewhat frightened the
upper layer of the Buccaneer's society; some of whom declared that Demos
had foreign blood in his veins; that he was an alien. But Demos cried
out, "No alien am I. I am as much your child as those who sit enthroned
in high places. They toil not, neither do they spin, but live by the
labour of other people. It is against the vampire capital, that I wage
my war. That bloodsucker, which feeds upon the industries of your poorer
children, who have built up for you your present greatness by the sweat
of their brows and by the blood of their bodies."

"And would you, my lad, from sheer envy and hatred," cried the
Buccaneer, "pull down in one day what it has taken me so many years of
toil to build up? From what babbling brook have you drunk in your
principles?"

"From no babbling brook," Demos exclaimed, "but from that deep spring
which has been handed down to us from ages past. Did not the Great
Master, whom yonder old Church Hulk professes to follow, teach us that
all men before God are equal, and that all property should be held in
common."

Here the High Priest of the Buccaneer rose up and said, "Our Great
Master never, by either word or deed taught, or even sanctioned,
robbery. On the contrary, He enjoined every man to be contented with
that which he had; not to covet other men's goods. He said, give, but
never take. But you are not the first who has tried to distort the
Scriptures to serve your own selfish ends."

"Is it not written," said Demos, "him that taketh thy cloak forbid not
to take thy coat also?"

"That neither sanctions nor justifies the confiscation," replied the
High Priest. "Is it not also written that the things belonging to Caesar
shall be given to Caesar?"

"But who is Caesar?" cried Demos. "I am no longer a boy now, to be petted
and cajoled, and to be bought over by sweetmeats or a piece of cake. I
have a freeman's limbs, give me then a freeman's rights."

It is not to be supposed that on so great an occasion the Buccaneer's
old coxswain, Jack Commonsense, was going to remain silent, so he said,
as he shoved himself to the front, for he had lost his place in the
confusion brought about by the act of robbery on the part of one of
Poverty's children. "Master!" he cried, "I am on in this scene. What
rights, my lad," he said addressing Demos, "do you claim that you have
not got, except the right of putting your hands into other people's
pockets; just because your own happen to be empty or not too full? This
is a robbing of Peter to pay Paul, with a vengeance."

"Who are you," said Demos, "that you should make yourself a judge over
us?"

"Who am I?" quoth the coxswain. "Who am I, forsooth! It is a pity, my
lad, you should have to ask the question; but there; memories the likes
o' yours are always short; who am I, indeed! why I am Jack Commonsense,
very much at your service, my lad, and cox'sn to the honest rover."
Suddenly correcting himself, he said, as he lifted his tarpaulin in
token of respect, "that is to say, Sea King, that ever ploughed the
briny ocean. I have stood by my master, my lad, in fair weather and in
foul, and when the stormy winds have blown, and the dark rocks and
savage cliffs of danger have been upon our lee, oftentimes I have seized
the helm and steered my master clear, and damme, if I will desert him
now. Now listen, my lad, and all you whom it may concern, while I spin
you a yarn that I picked up on the Spanish Main, ages ago. We picked up
many things there, master, did we not? Dubloons and other treasures. But
here's my yarn. Once upon a time, a man had five sons, and when he was
dying he called them round him, and gave to each a fair share of his
property, and told them to act to each other as he had acted towards
them, and to have all things in common amongst themselves. But one, my
lad, so the story goes, d'ye see, was a spendthrift, another was a wine
bibber, while another was a glutton; the fourth was a seeker after
pleasure, while the fifth was a hard working industrious and sober man.
The four first named would do anything but work, and they each gave away
their birthright to the fifth; the one for this thing, according to his
want, the other for that, until at length the fifth son had possession
of the whole patrimony; would you, my lad, were you in his place,
divide, and go on dividing amongst your ne'er-do-well brothers to all
eternity? Not you, or you are a greater fool than I take you to be.
Where then is your community of property? Then as to your equality. That
won't wash, my mates. There is no such thing as equality, for one is
strong, another weak; one is swift of foot, another slow, while one has
more brains than another. Why the hides of asses ain't all of a
thickness, and the stick that reaches one, won't touch another; but let
that fly stick to the wall, even among thieves and such like vermin,
there is no equality, the strongest always getting the lion's share.
Take all our master has, and lay it out before you; feast your eyes upon
it; gloat over it, and then begin to divide it equally amongst
yourselves, and you will be at each other's throats before you know
where you are; so much for your brotherly love. Then, my mates, before
you commence pulling down, you ought to decide upon what sort of a
commonplace hovel you are going to build up. But the first thing you
ought to do, is to turn out all the blackguards belonging to our
neighbours, for we have enough of our own, and whatever right you think
you may have to other people's property, foreign rapscallions can have
none, and if you allow them to cry shares, you will be robbing your own
honest selves. Trade will languish and die out, for there will be no
security for earnings, and no emulation. Ambition, that mighty lever to
human actions, will succumb. Farewell too, to art; and science even
will flag for want of nourishment. As luxury is to be banished in our
earthly paradise, all carriages will be put down, and all the hands
employed in connection with them, will be thrown upon the market. The
horses will have to be turned out to grass, and live a life of indolent
ease, until they vanish from the land or are turned to a different use,
for nature has decreed that nothing useless shall last. The vanities and
even the luxuries of the rich furnish thousands of deserving mouths with
their daily food; but all this will have to be stopped, and God alone
knows who will benefit. Then I suppose you will occupy the palaces of
the rich, as long as they stand, by people of one common level of social
standing, and we shall sink into a nation of flats. Let that fly also
stick to the wall. Then as no new mansions will be built, for want of
wealth, the builders' trade will suffer, and more idle hands will be
thrown on the community. Enterprise will die and one trade after another
will go, and then farewell to all. The great Sea King upon whose vast
empire the sun never sets; the mighty trader, the great pioneer of
civilisation; he whose footprints are to be seen in every part of the
universe will sink, unremembered unrespected, and unregretted into the
silent tomb of the past and some stronger, and wiser people will take
his place.

"Master!" cried the cox'sn turning to the bold Buccaneer, who listened
with wonder to old Jack's long-winded harangue. "Master!" he cried,
"this Demos is but a boy amongst us yet; he is a young colt that must be
neatly bitted and ridden on the curb, or he will of a surety bolt and
fling his rider into the ditch as his forebears have done before him."

Just as things were looking at their worst, the sound of music came over
the water from the old Ship of State. It was Pepper, the cheery little
cook, the foster father of Demos, playing a tune upon his barrel organ.
The strains had a mellowing and soothing influence upon the whole
company, and so what at one time bid fair to take a serious turn passed
off quietly, and so ends the longest if not the dullest chapter in this
eventful history.




CHAPTER XXXVIII.


The event recorded in the last chapter brought the grand court to a
somewhat premature but fortunate conclusion. Though many grievances were
made known, it is not recorded that a single one was remedied or
redressed, and this perhaps was quite according to precedent.

Dogvane did not see the grand court out; but for reasons of his own, he
slipped away and hastened on board of the old Ship of State, where also
he found most of his watch; for as the saying is, they seemed to have
smelt a rat. He called his merry men on deck. "Mates," he said, "my
glass is falling; so likely enough we shall have a strong breeze blowing
off shore before long, therefore haul all taught, make all snug, and
look out for squalls."

The doughty cook now spoke up, like the bold and clever man that he was.
"Captain," he said, "if so be that we are going to have foul weather,
why not lighten the ship at once? Chuck over board a couple of dukes, or
a brace of earls, or a score or so of common ordinary lords, and the old
ship will ride through the storm all the better." It was wonderful, what
a dislike Pepper had for the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber, and the people
said there must be more in it than appeared on the face of things.
Nothing the cook would have liked better than to have pickled the whole
lot, when the brine would not have been wanting in strength; Billy
Cheeks the burly butcher would no doubt have done all the preliminary
business with pleasure, for he also had his eye upon the Buccaneer's
bloated aristocracy. All this was very strange, for Billy, it was said,
had the very best of blood in his veins.

Many thought that beneath the modest bearing of the cook, there lurked
a great ambition, which was no other than to put on old Dogvane's cloak,
boots, and collars when nature called that worthy old salt away.

When the cook suggested the lightening of the old ship, Chips the
carpenter raised his axe and took up a position beside the hawser that
bound the Church Hulk to the Ship of State. The butcher also drew his
large knife and felt its edge, for he had quite regained his nerves, and
was ready for anything. Old Dogvane smiled approvingly upon their ready
zeal; but said, "Steady, my lads, steady. All in good time. No occasion
to jettison any of our cargo yet, however useless it may be. You, Billy,
who have some smattering of legal knowledge, can explain the meaning of
the term. But again, my lads, I ask you, how you came to set that old
church drum a beating? The solemn sound as you know will at all times
awaken the slumbering feelings of our master. Besides, I myself am
considerably affected by it. I should not see that old craft cut adrift
without a pang. But see what it has done. It has thoroughly roused our
master, and it has raised more devils than we probably shall be able to
lay. It's ill to waken sleeping dogs, so says the proverb. The old
Squire too is on the tramp, and our master is now for poking his nose
into everything. The paint brush, my lads, the paint brush, is at most
times better than either the hammer, or the chisel. No offence to your
mate, Master Chips." It now came out that Chisel was still ashore, and
absent without leave, and many thought he would not come out of it with
anything less than a general court martial.

The carpenter now showed a spirit of mutiny that surprised all, and
shocked both the cook and the butcher, his, at one time, friends.

"Captain!" he exclaimed, "I've served with you now for many a day, and
I've served you well; but the time has come when every honest man should
speak his mind. It is all very well for you to put all the blame upon
our backs, but let every one bear his own burden. Why did you try the
old dodge of throwing dust in our master's eyes? You know he is getting
quite accustomed to that sort of thing and can see through it. Why did
you tell him all those cock-and-bull stories about contentment, and all
that kind of stuff, and induce the old gentleman to hold the Grand
Court? Then why did you take him abroad? This it is that has raised all
the dust."

"Well, Chips, my lad," cried the old captain, as he dashed a tear from
his eye. "This comes hard, very hard from you. For you to turn upon me,
cuts me to the very quick. Under the shadow of my wing, you have risen
from a low position on board this old craft, to one of great
consideration. There was much more in store for you, for I might, in
time, have persuaded my master to make either a general or an admiral of
you, or you may indeed have risen to be steward of his household. Only
that I have a son myself who is the joy of my old age, and the very
apple of my eye, and more to me than ever Joseph was to Jacob, it is
possible that when I pass away my cloak would have fallen upon your
shoulders."

The cook gave the butcher a look and the butcher's breathing became
laboured under the weight of suppressed feeling. Old Dogvane continued
his address to the carpenter: "Why did I throw dust in the old man's
eyes? I am surprised that such a clever lad as you should ask such a
simple question. Is it not a time-honoured custom? Have not both the
watches done it for ages past? The only error I made was that the dust
was not thick enough, and the old man saw through it, and there lies my
mistake."

The carpenter was going to answer the captain, for his mutinous spirit
was getting the better of him, but the cook seized the carpenter and led
him away.

Presently the old Buccaneer was seen slowly walking down to the beach
and he was pestered on every side by a swarm of cheap-Jacks of every
nation. They hung about him, and as the saying is, they nearly bothered
the life out of him. The poor old gentleman seemed to have suffered
considerably from recent events, and the sickness of his heart was
beginning to pray upon his body. With feeble steps he laboured along and
hailed the old Ship of State, but his voice wanted the cheery ring of
old.

"Away with you, my lads," cried Dogvane, who heard the Buccaneer's call.
"Clear the decks, and each one to his post. Away, and leave the matter
in my hands. I will below and look over the chart of public affairs and
I will shape a course that will take us out of our difficulties or my
name is not William Dogvane. I see the old gentleman has not his
busy-body of a coxswain with him, so much the better for my plan. I
never could hit it off with that party. Away, my lads, to your posts."

Each one did as he was told, though the carpenter grumbled; but the cook
said to him: "Since when, my mate, have you learnt to change your tune?"

"That barrel organ of yours, Master Pepper, may grind away at the same
old tune for ever for all I care; but I have my sticking point," said
the carpenter. "At any rate I don't shilly-shally about things like old
Dogvane does; but I speak out my mind like every honest man should; and
look you, my little Pepper, I'm not going to be monkey-led by any man."

"Say you so," replied the cook. "That is a pity; I want a monkey for my
organ, and no doubt, you would dance as well as any other."

"Not to your piping, my lad, so stow that. There is a time for all
things, Master Pepper. Your jokes and jests are well enough upon a full
stomach of contentment, but now they sound flat and feeble. Were I a man
easily moved to mirth I might laugh perhaps to-morrow. Look you now! If
our little game had come off old William would have been with us heart
and soul and then the old fox would have set all sail before a full
blast of public opinion, and have taken all credit to himself. But let
the wind be doubtful, and he is for ever trimming as if his ship were in
a constant sea of doldrums; and what is more, Pepper, he is not above
flinging a messmate overboard if it suits his purpose. I'm weary, my
lad, of the company I am sailing in."

"Ship of State ahoy!" came from the shore, and interrupted the
carpenter's grumblings. A slight breeze came off the land and shook the
shrouds. "Make all taught," cried old Dogvane, "and pipe the pinnace
away. I see the cox'sn has put in an appearance after all. I wonder what
the devil he wants. I begin to think he is an office-seeker and a
place-hunter like the rest of the world." Having said this, Dogvane
disappeared below.

Presently the old Buccaneer appeared on board. Not a soul was to be
seen. "What!" he cried; "no one on deck. What ho! below there!"

No answer came. He passed by the cook's galley as he went to take a look
forward. The cook could be heard reading out the following receipt:
"Take one reputation of good social position and pull well to pieces,
add one pound of garbage, two ounces of gall and one quart of vinegar,
season well with salt and pepper, stew, stir and skim, and serve up when
ready."

"A savoury dish that, Master Jack," said the Buccaneer to his coxswain,
who replied that at such things the cook of the Starboard Watch had not
an equal, and at a dish of scandal he could scarcely be beaten. The
Buccaneer, having taken a turn round, came to the after part of the
ship, and there he saw old Dogvane with his head just above the after
companionway. "Who calls?" he asked in the most innocent manner
possible.

"Who calls!" cried the Buccaneer, "and is this the way you look after my
affairs? not a soul on deck!"

"Not a soul on deck, sir!" exclaimed Dogvane, in surprise; "then
everyone must of a certainty be below." By this time many of the crew
had put in an appearance and were busy working away at their respective
duties. Chips, having got the better of his fit of ill temper, sang as
he worked the following song:

    "My mate is ashore in tow of a lass,
                                Cock-a-doodle,
    A right clever fellow turned into an ass,
                                Cock-a-doodle,
    He's tied by the leg with a petticoat string,
                                Cock-a-doodle,
    And never again will his cheery voice sing,
                                Cock-a-doodle."

The look-out man aloft being awakened, no doubt, by the voice of the
carpenter, sang out: "All's well." This was official, and Dogvane looked
upon it as a good sign. "Your ever watchful man aloft, sir, tells you
that all is well; we must perforce believe him, for he is a creditable
witness."

"All's well, indeed!" exclaimed the Buccaneer. "What do you mean by
telling me that all is well? Are you, Master Dogvane, a knave or a fool;
or do you take me to be either the one or the other?"

"God forbid, sir, that I should make so grievous a mistake," replied
Dogvane, with humility.

"What did you mean by telling me that my foreign relations were all
good, and that my people at home were prosperous and contented?"

"Did I say so much, master? It is on my memory that I did not go so far;
I may have said that they ought to be contented. There lies the
difference."

"Why, there is not a profession or trade, or even class that is not
crying out. My very women are rising in open rebellion. What say you to
this?"

"It is passing strange, sir, and only adds one more proof, if it were
necessary, of the extreme ingratitude of human nature. There is scarce a
thing that we do not take into consideration, and so great is our
concern for your welfare that we try to legislate for all your simplest
needs, and in time we hope that everything will work with clock-like
regularity, and if a man gets drunk even, it shall be by Act of
Parliament."

"Pray, sir," asked the Buccaneer, "what business had you below on such
an occasion as this?"

"Sir," Dogvane replied, "I was occupied with matters of the gravest
importance; something that touches closely upon my master's honour.
Master, master," he suddenly cried in an ecstasy of delight, "what think
you? I have glorious news; glorious news for you."

"Glorious news! then out with it, man, for I need something to raise my
spirits."

"Sir," cried Dogvane, rubbing his hands with glee. "What think you; I
have a concession."

"A concession, man! A concession! that is news indeed. Do you hear,
Jack, our honest Dogvane has a concession." The old cox'sn kept his
silence; but the Buccaneer was highly pleased for it was now more his
custom to grant concessions than to receive them. There was scarcely a
neighbour, or foreign relation, no matter however small, who had not got
something out of the old man in recent years. At one time he used to
thrash his enemy first, and then grant him a concession perhaps,
afterwards, and this line of action had its advantages, and in the
long-run saved very much time, trouble, bloodshed, and money. The news
of the concession brought back the blood to the old Buccaneer's jolly
round face, which regularly beamed with enthusiasm.

"Ah! Dogvane," he said, "after all you have served me well, and no
matter how you may be reviled you have proved yourself a faithful
servant. And so you have a concession!" Then an idea seemed suddenly to
strike him, for turning an anxious look upon old Dogvane, he exclaimed,
"Stay! Is it a good concession; one worthy of a Sea King? It is not from
the Calf of Man is it?" Dogvane shook his head. "Nor from either Jersey,
Guernsey, Alderney, or Sark?" Dogvane again shook his head. "Has the
Egyptian gipsy sent an apology and withdrawn her curse?"

"My master is wide of the mark," said Dogvane with a smile of
satisfaction.

"Well, if the concession comes from neither of these quarters, Master
Dogvane, I know not where to look. Stay though. Have the Ojabberaways
sent an apology for all their abusive language and unseemly conduct?"

"Not within striking distance yet, sir. Some time since, my master, you
were anxious to show our trusty friend here, Jack Commonsense, some mark
of your great favour. The matter is not without its difficulties; but
still it may be accomplished. Now, if your trusty cox'sn, who is an
excellent sailor, no doubt, though deemed for some unknown reason
common, has any royal blood in his veins, we can with the stroke of a
pen make either an Admiral of him, or a Field-Marshal, or even a Bishop.
Then again, if he were only a rich brewer, or a successful trader of any
description, or a supporter through thick and thin of our Starboard
Watch, we could at once make him a lord of high degree."

"What has this to do, Master Dogvane, with the concession? Why, in the
devil's name, do you torment me? Have concessions been of such frequent
occurrence in recent years that I can thus afford to dally with them?
Speak out, or I will drag that unruly tongue of yours from its roots."

Dogvane, seeing that further trifling would be dangerous, said, "Do you
remember, sir, that little dispute we had with the great Bandit of the
East upon a small matter of a boundary?"

"Yes, yes, I remember, go on."

"And no doubt you also remember my extreme regret that we had not with
us that energetic young wasp, Random Jack, so that we might have either
bumped him on the boundary, or whipped him on the breech."

"What has all this to do with it? Your enemies say that you are little
better than a wind-bag, and I verily believe they are not far wrong. Has
the Eastern Bandit made a concession? Come, yea or nay."

"No other."

"Honest Dogvane, your hand. This is indeed glorious news. So you have
brought the mighty Bruin to his senses, and he has knuckled down to the
Lion. But go on, Dogvane, the concession."

"If you remember, sir, we placed the matter in the hands of our faithful
friend and ally, King Hokeepokeewonkeefum, his august majesty of the
Cannibal Islands."

"I remember, man; but that part of the transaction does not give me the
satisfaction that perhaps it ought. The concession."

"Still the same old prejudice against colour? but no matter. As--"

"What the devil is in the man! Are we never coming to the concession?
Where is this concession? Out with it, or, by my soul, I will lay my
stick across your back."

Dogvane was between two stools; he feared to trifle with his master any
longer, and he feared to make known the concession. Though no one could
humbug the old Buccaneer like Dogvane, even he could not go too far, and
he had now come to the length of his tether.

"Sir," said Dogvane, "we have gained a great diplomatic victory."
Directly the Buccaneer heard the nature of the triumph his face fell.

Dogvane came cautiously to the subject again. "With the aid of King
Hokee I have settled your dispute without spilling one drop of Christian
blood."

"Tell me, man, at once!" cried the Buccaneer, as he raised his stick
above his head, "has the Eastern Bandit made honourable amends?"

"He has, sir," replied Dogvane. "He has indeed done all we can in reason
expect. The Bandit, though a Christian, is a proud man; and it is not
acting generously to humble any man too much."

"Master Dogvane, I too am a Christian, and I have my pride as well as
the Eastern Bandit."

"You, sir, are the leader of the Christian world, and as such should set
a good example. I did not say, my master, that pride was a Christian
virtue, though far too many Christians wear it as their everyday dress.
Pride, indeed, is the worst of sins, and through it Satan himself fell.
My master is great and noble, and all powerful; he can therefore afford
to be magnanimous. Bearing this in mind I made peace when you had been
beaten three times in the open. Few other nations, and few other men,
would have done this; certainly not the great Bandit of the East. Would
your other watch have had the courage to do it?"

Thus did the cunning Dogvane run on, still evading the point of all
interest. But his master's patience was now completely exhausted, and he
brought his stick across the captain's back.

"Softly, master," cried Dogvane, as he winced under the blow, "my coat
needs no dusting. The point is at hand. I have agreed, or arranged, or
it may be that I have entered into a sacred covenant with the great
Bandit of the East, that for certain considerations, hereafter to be
settled and defined, you shall black his boots."

"Black his boots!" cried the Buccaneer in amazement, "and is this your
concession, fellow?"

"Stay, stay, sir, not so fast," replied Dogvane. "Make haste is no doubt
a very good horse, but hold hard is a better. We have not come to the
concession yet. That stick is mighty hard. Stay, sir! I am coming to it.
It is this. In consideration for past favours, and to promote a good
understanding between you both, the Eastern Bandit graciously
condescends to find his own blacking."

"The devil he does," exclaimed the Buccaneer, as his eyes opened wide
with astonishment. "What concession is there in that, pray?"

"A very great one, sir, considering the size of the Bandit's boots, it
is little less than enormous. You might, sir, had it not been for
diplomacy, have been obliged to provide your own blacking. To get the
Bandit to concede this cost no end of trouble. One ambassador was quite
broken down, and several minor diplomatic officials have been rendered
quite useless for the remainder of their lives. Their minds having quite
given way, and they are left little better than babbling idiots, and
every boot they see they persist in blacking."

The bold Buccaneer that once was, the great Sea King, the mighty trader,
was struck for a few moments completely dumb. Indeed Dogvane's
concession seemed to have benumbed his brain. His old coxswain, who had
kept a respectful silence during this long-winded palaver, now spoke,
having first of all cleared his decks, as he called it. "Master
Dogvane!" he cried, "the man who stoops to black a boot, will in all
probability be kicked by it before the job is finished."

"Who asked you to put your spoke into the wheel?" Dogvane said in an
under tone, and then added aloud: "I've been thinking, sir, that we
might promote our honest friend here to some sinecure, where he will for
the rest of his days have little work and plenty of pay. We have many
such posts at our command, but strange to say, they are all full at
present. The keeper of the Imperial Hat is a duke; the emolument is
barely a thousand a year, but the honour is great and is much coveted.
Then there is the custodian of our master's night cap, that is held by
one who has royal blood in his veins, and he cannot be sent home, or
about his business."

Dogvane's list of high offices was brought to an abrupt conclusion by
the sudden awakening of the Buccaneer, who seemed to be possessed with a
spark of his old fire. His wrath burst upon Dogvane like an angry gust
of wind. "Out of my sight," he cried, as he again raised his stick. Now
the keeper of the Buccaneer's stick was another high official, who drew
a goodly income for doing so. Dogvane, in his mind, determined that this
officer should be at once replaced by one who took better care of his
business. He thought, and perhaps rightly, that on such an occasion as
the present, the stick should either have been mislaid or sent to be
polished, or otherwise repaired. "Out of my sight!" cried the Buccaneer,
as he brought his stick down heavily upon old Dogvane's back. "Begone
thou veritable wind bag. Do you wish to thrust me down on my knees
before all the world? It was not by eating humble pie, fellow, that I
have grown to what I am. Get thee hence ere I break every bone in thy
body; thou weigher of scruples, thou splitter of straws. Where now is
all that money I gave thee over this affair with the Bandit?"

"Master! master!" cried Dogvane as he cowered beneath the anger of the
old Sea King, and fell down on his knees before him. "Be not hard upon
your servant. Have I not served you faithfully these many long years?
When I had charge of your till did you not make more money than ever you
have since? Did not your pence grow into shillings, and your shillings
into pounds? Have not my eyes grown dim, and my hair sparse and grey, in
your service? Then bear with me a little while."

The Buccaneer was slightly mollified. "Ah!" he said, "like many another
old servant, you trade, Master Dogvane, upon the past, and think that
your master will bear any amount of carelessness and bungling now for
the sake of what has been done before. If in days gone by you made money
for me, you have taken very good care to squander it since. But there
must be a limit to the endurance even of the best of masters. Have you
not dishonoured me in the eyes of my neighbours? Is your memory so short
that you have forgotten their reception of me? Have you forgotten the
scorn of some? the indifference of others? Have you forgotten the
revilings of the Egyptian gipsy? Have you not estranged my friends from
me and made me a must elephant of the herd, to wander out into the
wilderness? Through you is not the charge laid against me that I have
turned my back upon my enemies, and have you not so lowered me in the
estimation of my neighbours, that the smallest dog amongst them barks at
me?"

"Master--"

"Stay, fellow! I have not finished with you yet. While you prated about
economy and peace you have run me deep into debt; while the wake of the
old Ship of State, during the time you have been at the helm, has been
constantly smeared with blood."

"Good master, the blood rests not upon my head, but upon that of the
other watch. All the trouble that I have got into has been owing to the
dreadful inheritance they left me."

"That, Master Dogvane, is too stale a cry to be readily believed. It is
an old trick, and not altogether a reputable one, for one servant to try
and saddle another with the fruits of his own stupidity, or
carelessness. But where is that eleven millions I gave you for a certain
purpose?"

"Good master, it is true that I have a little outrun the constable; but
I have had to recompense Abdur for the damage done, and I have had to
buy his friendship. Then the stupendous preparations I made were costly,
and though there may not be very much to show for the money, yet no
doubt a bloody war was averted, many lives saved, and in the long run,
much money."

"A war averted, Master Dogvane, I have been told, is only a war
postponed, and that when once put off it generally comes at a most
inconvenient time, and is likely to prove most costly. To strike
promptly and hard, experience has proved to be the better plan, and the
cheapest both in men and money. Begone from my sight, fellow, for I
begin to know thee. I may be slow to anger, but when once roused, those
who displease me had better beware of me."

Thus it was that old Dogvane, the captain of the Starboard Watch, fell
under his master's displeasure. As is always the case directly fortune
begins to frown on a man, his enemies crop up by the scores in every
direction, and all add a little to the victim's shortcomings, memories
for which are long. It is a noble idea that of not kicking a man when he
is down; but it seems to be honoured well in the breach. Once let a man
trip and he is spared by few. It seems to be a law of nature to attack
the wounded. The birds of the air do it and the beasts of the field, and
the savage drives his spear into his wounded enemy. Civilisation uses
other weapons than the steel-tipped ones; but they are none the less
keen and effectual, for a wounded spirit often gets the sharp shaft of
scorn sent clean through it. There is no mark of violence on the body,
but there is a wound within that never heals.

Things went from bad to worse with old Dogvane until one day he and his
watch were kicked, without ceremony, over the ship's side. What brought
the final catastrophe about was that Dogvane very unwisely, or some of
his hands, tried to tamper with the old Buccaneer's drink. Touch him on
his stomach and you made an enemy of him at once. Chips no longer sang,
and Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher, was more gloomy than ever. He was
not a man of mirth. Even his jokes were heavy, but perhaps his trade
affected his disposition; it often does. The cheery little cook never
lost heart, and as they rowed ashore he gave them a tune on his barrel
organ, and gave them a song in which he ridiculed the prominent men of
the other watch, and, as a matter of course, the members of the
Buccaneer's Upper Chamber came in for their fair share of good-natured
criticism or abuse. As has been said, no one saw a blemish in a
neighbour sooner than the cook, and if that neighbour happened to be one
of the lords temporal, Pepper prodded him well with jeer, jest, and
sneer.

As Dogvane and his mess-mates rowed ashore in disgrace, several heads
appeared looking over the bulwarks of the after part of the old ship.
These were the occupants of the Upper Chamber, who crawled from their
state room like rats from their holes, when the cat is away. The old
Church Hulk seemed to awake as from a deep slumber, and presently a hymn
of praise and of thanksgiving rose up and was borne upon the breeze all
over the Buccaneer's island, and the hearts of all the great Church
dignitaries and their many followers rejoiced that the Lord had for the
time being saved them from the hands of the Philistines; or in other
words from Pepper, and Billy Cheeks. All on board the old Church Hulk,
and very many others amongst the Buccaneer's people, fully believed that
if once the moorings of the old Hulk were slipped and she was allowed to
drift away from the Ship of State, the days of the Buccaneer would be
surely numbered. Respectability declared that she could never then go to
church, for that she certainly could not listen to a priest, who, no
matter however good a Christian he might be, was not a gentleman, for it
must be known that all Christians of the various other denominations
outside the old Church Hulk, were scarcely deemed to belong to that
extremely rare and privileged class.




CHAPTER XXXIX.


As the Starboard went ashore the Port Watch came on board, all with
their new brooms. There was the Captain, Bob Mainstay, by name, and his
first Lieutenant, Ben Backstay, a good sailor and true. There was also a
full compliment of other officers and men. Amongst the rest there was
the cheery little midshipman, Random Jack, who was now on the eve of his
promotion. It was wonderful how this little fellow had pushed himself to
the front.

Wonders, it is known, never cease; but it was a strange sight to see the
Port Watch rowed on board by Ojabberaway boatmen. When the
weather-beaten old captain of the other watch saw this he smiled in a
manner that was peculiar to him and said: "That won't last!" Then, as if
speaking to himself, he added, "I wonder now, what was their price.
Humph! there is nothing that Bob Mainstay can either promise, or give,
that I cannot go beyond. Unless indeed, he and his crew chuck overboard
all their principles. Ah! there's the rub. Principles and politics don't
always pull together, and politics often, being the stronger of the two,
pulls principles round with a bang."

Now there was an animated discussion all along the hard and amongst the
Press, as to whether or not the Port Watch had been rowed on board by
the Ojabberaways. Many were prepared to swear that it was so; that there
could be no mistake about the matter. Others declared it was one of
those optical delusions which are for ever happening to surprise and
mystify people. Those who see the supernatural in almost everything,
declared that this was merely a deception brought about by the devil.
The Buccaneer's people were ready to believe almost anything just
according to the party they belonged to, or the principles they
professed. Indeed their credulity was so great in most things that the
cunning rogue frequently reaped a rich harvest out of them. Astrologers
were all dead, but the people, some of them, still dabbled in magic and
believed in spiritualism.

Before the Port Watch left the shore they promised to do no end of
things and their parting with the poor Beggar Woman, Patriotism, was
most affecting. They said that so long as they had charge of the old
Ship she should want for nothing. In fact everybody was to be made happy
and like the ending of all good books, and works of fiction, virtue on
all sides was to be rewarded. But the atmosphere of that old Ship
clouded the best of memories. Besides, every one knows that promises are
quite as cumbersome baggage as a conscience, and all those who wish to
get on in the world must unload themselves of the one, as readily as
they do of the other.

Many of the crew of the Ship of State kept their consciences on board of
the old Hulk alongside, where they were cleaned and repaired and sent
for when wanted.

The daily press having had their usual battle, settled down to dictate
to the watch in charge what they had to do and what they had not to do.
Indirectly it pretty well ruled the roost; told the captain what man he
was to put here, and what man there; but Captain Mainstay filled up his
different posts according to his own way of thinking, always bearing in
view, of course, the Buccaneer's cherished custom. All this took some
little time, for you cannot get things to fit on such principles all of
a sudden. Accidents will happen, and chance will occasionally put a
square man into a square hole and then he has with much difficulty to be
pulled out and a round hole found for him.

New brooms invariably sweep clean and the Port Watch set themselves to
work to clean up the mess left behind by old Dogvane and his lot. No one
kicked up more dust than did the, at one time, little middy, who for his
good behaviour was made steward of the household of the Buccaneer's
Indian Princess. It was his duty to watch over her; to guard her against
her enemies and especially to keep an eye upon the wicked Bandit of the
East.

They all agreed for once, and declared that old Dogvane had left things
in a terrible state of muddle, and they were unanimous in the belief
that they had only stepped on board just in the nick of time to save the
old Buccaneer from complete ruin; but this belief was also common to the
other watch when they took charge. The cook's galley they said was in a
shocking state and full of nothing but cheese parings; while he had
scribbled all over the place, "the Upper Chamber must be destroyed." All
people have their peculiarities, their whims and their fancies, and the
clever little cook was not without his.

When the cook reached the shore, he went about with his barrel organ and
sang songs about the iniquities of the other watch; of their indecent
haste to get on board the old Ship and grab the emoluments attached to
the several offices. The cook being placed in easy circumstances, by the
profits he received from his barrel organ, could afford to be virtuously
indignant.

Scarcely had the Port Watch settled down to their work than things went
wrong with them. They did not in shaping their course make due allowance
for the current of Public opinion, which at times set very strong, and
the old Ship of State got into difficulties. Over the ship's side they
went as quickly as they had climbed on board and the helm was again
placed in the hands of that experienced old salt, William Dogvane, who
was, however, requested by the Buccaneer to keep his weather eye open,
for that if he caught him again napping it would be the worse for him.

"Master," said the captain, "it is no use your putting me on board this
old ship unless you give me powers sufficient to keep the wild and
mutinous Ojabberaways in order. They are simply playing the very devil."

This to the Buccaneer was a hopeful sign, for Dogvane had always been
accused of sympathizing with this people and indeed of playing into
their hands. With Dogvane came the conspirators of the cook's caboose.
They still held together, though the carpenter was drifting away from
his old comrades, into a purer and brighter atmosphere. The cook was
like that pattern sailor, Billy Taylor, full of mirth and full of glee.

One fine morning the whole of the Buccaneer's island was awakened by a
great hubbub on board of the old Ship. The Church Hulk was slumbering in
a peaceful repose after her recent rude shaking. She had again settled
down to her usual state.

Notwithstanding what old Dogvane had said to the contrary he soon began
intriguing with the Ojabberaways and he made a rapid shift, coming to
the conclusion that nothing would make the Ojabberaways eternally happy,
but to give them everything they wanted. He said the old Ship thus
lightened would ride easily ever afterwards. The cook, however, true to
his hobby, said that it would be a great pity to waste the Ojabberaways
when there was the whole of the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber weighing the
old Ship down by the stern, and generally retarding her progress, and
interfering considerably with her steering.

Things looked very bad, and Random Jack who was ashore was most
eloquent, and declared for his part he should never be surprised to see
a flare up on board the old Ship, when, no doubt, honest sailors would
come by their dues. The noise upon the Ship of State roused up the crew
of the ship alongside, for if there was to be a mutiny, or any thing of
that kind going on, they felt sure they would be boarded, robbed, and
cast adrift.




CHAPTER XL.


Just as people had conjectured; there was a mutiny on board the old
ship, and amongst the Starboard Watch which old Dogvane had allowed to
get a little out of hand.

Even the conspirators of the cook's caboose were torn asunder, and the
hand of the cook wished to grapple round the throat of the carpenter.
The cook abused poor Chips right merrily, and called him every name
under the sun, and would allow him no virtue, and very little
intelligence. Pepper, with Billy Cheeks the burly butcher, stuck to
their captain with an affection that was pleasant to see, and there
could not be a doubt that if all went well with the captain, these two
would be amply rewarded for their fidelity. But the cabal of the cook's
caboose was completely broken up.

The carpenter now behaved in a manner that did him very great credit,
and surprised not a few. He turned his back upon the cook and the
butcher, and this so displeased them that they never after had a good
word to say for him.

It is most fortunate that this mutiny, unlike most other mutinies, was
unattended with any bloodshed or loss of life, and of course, this being
the case, it lost very much of its interest. Neither was the old Ship of
State scuttled and then run on shore, robbed, plundered, and abandoned.
Nor did the crew fall upon each other in the division of the plunder,
cutting each other's throats and otherwise conducting themselves as is
usual on such occasions, though it must be said that the Ojabberaways
excited fear in many a breast.

How long the idea of freeing this people had been a quiet occupant of
old Dogvane's breast, smouldering there as such things generally do, it
is impossible to say. He was sphinxlike and could not be read. Nor was
it at all easy to tell which way he would go, or what he would do; for
he at all times made what is said to be the true and proper use of
language, namely to disguise his thoughts. He also found it a most
useful means of either screening an advance into an unknown, and
unfriendly country, and also to cover his retreat when beaten. The
upshot of the mutiny in the Starboard Watch was, that one fine morning
our old Buccaneer woke up to find that Dogvane, his trusted captain, in
whom he had placed so much confidence, had gone over bag and baggage to
the Ojabberaways, and that he had taken with him Pepper the cook, and
Billy Cheeks the burly butcher.

The captain had apparently come to a hurried conclusion, and had risen
in the dead of night, and having hastily stowed away his sea chest, and
called to his side his beloved son, the small band deserted their old
comrades, and turned their backs upon them for ever.

When all these things became noised abroad, very great was the
consternation, and it set many tongues wagging, and all kinds of things
were said. The carpenter was very much applauded even by those who at
one time had plentifully abused him; but in this world of ours nothing
lasts long; the sinner of to-day is the saint of to-morrow, and the only
thing needful is to wait. Chips, the carpenter, was now thought fit
company for the noblest in the land; no doubt, all this was most
gratifying, and if it had not been for the constant <DW8>s, that the cook
kept on giving him with his flesh fork, the prongs of which were dipped
in gall; and the occasional sarcasms hurled at him by Billy Cheeks, no
doubt Chips would have been a happy man.

As is always the case on such occasions, vague rumours got about, some
of which turned out in the end to be true. It was said, upon what was
supposed to be very good authority, that Dogvane was to be crowned king
of the Ojabberaways, and all, both friends and enemies, wished him joy.

There are those who go about seeking kingdoms; carpet-bag kings in fact,
but Dogvane was not one of these kind of pedlars, though if a kingdom
was thrust upon him, of course he could not help himself.

It is very much to be regretted that ill-nature did not spare Captain
Dogvane; but it did not, and very many most improbable stories now got
wind. It was said, amongst other things, that every night before going
to bed, when anything had gone wrong with him in the day, that he tore
up his night shirt. The story is scarcely worthy of credence, but even
if it were true, history affords many examples of a like nature. We are
told on the most reliable authority that the Patriarchs of old whenever
they were put about invariably rent their garments, and even King David
himself, it would appear, was very much given to this practice. A king
of course can do no wrong; but amongst people of lower degree the habit
should be discountenanced, both on the score of expense, and of decency.

It was also said that Pepper was to be rewarded for his fidelity to his
master by being made court jester to Dogvane, king of the Ojabberaways,
and that in addition, he was to be chancellor of the exchequer,
custodian of the Ojabberaways' morals, and a teacher to them of manners.
These offices were brought under one head for the sake of economy, and
as Pepper was an enemy to all official extravagance, this combination
pleased him. All thought he would have quite enough to do; but then
Pepper was an able man, and what to others would have been fraught with
very great difficulty, was to him a matter of ease. It is a happy thing
to be especially endowed by Providence. Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher,
was also promoted from his humble position on board the old Ship of
State, so it was said, to be minister of justice to the king of the
Ojabberaways, for he had some legal knowledge and gravity enough for a
judge, and as things were to be conducted on strictly economical
principles, he was also to preside over the Ojabberaways' High Court of
Assassination. He was to be also the keeper of the king's conscience. It
was thought that he also would have enough to do.

Again did the Port Watch step on board with that jaunty and
devil-me-care air, so peculiar to sailors. Random Jack was given a
higher post even than that which he had held before; for he was made
keeper of the Till and holder of the Buccaneer's Great Purse, offices
only held by men of the most approved ability, and integrity. Many
believed that he was destined on some future day to command one of the
watches, but there seemed to be some difference of opinion as to which.
Many indeed there were who pinned their faith to Random Jack, and many
there also were who asked themselves how it was that he had thus made
his way. Some affirmed that it was by his undoubted ability, but quite
as many declared that it was by his unbounded impudence, frequently
called self-confidence. Possibly it was by a happy combination of the
above two qualities that he had been so successful. Certain it is that
no man can expect to rise to a great height unless he has a good share
of the last of the above virtues, for it is the only one that the world
truly appreciates.

Of all things there is nothing like success. The middy now, instead of
being ridiculed, sneered at, and flouted, was taken up, and those who
before would have passed him by without bestowing upon him even so much
as a supercilious nod now claimed an acquaintance with him, and declared
that they had seen all along the superior stuff he was made of.

Those people who know everything, and they are so many that it is little
short of a wonder that the world still keeps so uninlightened, said they
should never be surprised to find that Random Jack had entered into an
alliance with the carpenter, and obtained through him and others the
command of the Starboard Watch; but the carpenter was an ambitious man.
Upon the old cox'sn being asked his opinion about Random Jack, he gave
it, as was his custom, and according to his own fashion. "The lad is
good enough, d'ye see. He has parts, and he's got his head pointing in
the right direction; if only he has his ballast all aboard. But, my
mates, he seems a bit light at times, and does not stand up well to his
canvas, but that will come in due course; that will come when he has
trimmed his ship a bit. Then he has a knack of steering a bit wide at
times; now coming up in the eye of the wind, until he is nearly taken
aback; then veering away until he nearly wears round on the other tack,
why, his wake, my lads, is about as straight as a cork-screw. Give him
more ballast, and a steadier hand at the helm, and the lad will steer a
good course through life. Them's my sentiments, mates."

But one fine day when Random Jack was sailing pleasantly along with all
plain sail set to a fair wind of public opinion, he suddenly, without
rhyme or reason, put his helm down, and everything went by the board,
and Random Jack was left a sport to the waves of Fortune, without either
sails or rudder, and it was doubtful whether he would ever again make
the fair land of Promise.

But before all this a sad thing happened on board the old Ship of State.
The first lieutenant of the Port Watch, honest Ben Backstay, had, so
many people thought, been treated in a somewhat scurvy manner, not only
by the captain of the watch, but by some of his mess-mates. On one
occasion he was tripped up, it was said, by Random Jack and another, and
poor old Ben was hurt considerably, though like the brave sailor that he
was, he never uttered a word of complaint; but as a slight reward he was
kicked upstairs into the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber, thereby falling
under the displeasure of the immortal Pepper.

If honest Ben had any feelings he never showed them, and of course, not
doing so they were not respected. One morning the whole ship's crew were
stricken with sorrow, for Ben, while at his post, heard Him whom all
must obey, call his name; so leaving his body below, his soul soared up
aloft. The flag of the old Ship of State was half masted, and minute
guns were fired. The bells from the church towers tolled out the
mournful news, and the Church Hulk sent up to Heaven a requiem on behalf
of poor Ben. He was a staunch friend of this old Ship, and she could ill
afford, in such perilous times, to lose even one supporter. The
Buccaneer mourned the loss of his trusty servant, and he kept a small
spot in his heart wherein to plant a few flowers of memory to honest Ben
Backstay, and as they towed him to his last moorings, the old Buccaneer
said: "Let us all hope that poor Ben Backstay, like poor Tom Bowling,
may find pleasant weather, until He who all commands, shall give to
call life's crew together the word, to pipe all hands." There was much
sorrowing in the land, and many a heart was sad.

Ah! the human heart is but a grave-yard, where lie buried many hopes
that never survive even their first childhood; many ambitions cut off in
all the freshness of youth, and many friends. As we live, we bear there
from time to time, the cherished remains of someone, or of something we
love. In our lonely hours we sit by these silent graves, and shed many
warm tears of sorrow over them; wishing oftentimes, that we could bring
back the dead. Thus we sit, and sit, and mourn, and mourn, day after
day, and night after night. At length our sun sets, and our eyes grow
dim in the waning light, until at last they close forever. With us we
take our little grave-yard, with all its flowers, and bear it away into
the great darkness of eternity.




CHAPTER XLI.


Things with the Buccaneer had so gone from bad to worse and so preyed
upon his mind that his body became affected and he was seized with
illness of a lingering kind; but the nature of his illness no one knew.

Now his island was celebrated for men skilled in the treatment of every
known disease that man is heir to. Many of these men were specialists,
that is to say, they bestowed the whole of their labour and attention
upon some one particular disease, or part of the human body. Others
again were faddists, that is, they pinned their faith to some particular
course of treatment. One of these tried upon the Buccaneer total
abstinence, but he got so weak and irritable that this man was shown the
door. He went away perfectly well satisfied that the Buccaneer's life
was merely a matter of days. Another doctor was called in, who declared
he was no advocate for slops and physic. A generous, but plain diet,
with plenty of fish to strengthen the brain, the whole washed down by a
tablespoonful of whisky diluted well with water, twice a day, was all
that was required; but on no account to touch claret, which, he
declared, was little better than poison, while sherry was molten lead to
the strongest stomach. This advice was not given in the above simple
terms, for no little of the physician's skill depends upon a grave
deportment, and the use of a language altogether unintelligible to the
ordinary mind. Then when by long familiarity the understanding does
begin to grasp a name, a new denomination is found for an old complaint,
or something fresh is manufactured out of the weakness of the human
body. The above treatment was acceptable for a time; but it soon began
to pall upon one who had all his life been accustomed to good living, so
another doctor had to be tried. When this eminent man heard of the
course prescribed by his predecessor, he raised his eyebrows and smiled
in a grave and wise manner; there being no approach, however, to coarse
and vulgar mirth. "Ah!" he said, as he read over the prescription and
order of diet, "brother Grain is a very clever fellow, without doubt,
but he has his whims and fancies. Whisky he swears by, because he likes
it himself; but I confidently assert that you cannot drink anything very
much worse. A little good sound claret, not any of those mixtures, mind
you, that are made at home, but a good, pure, wholesome, sound, and not
manufactured wine. This, and a diet of game, or fowl, will bring you
relief. The nature of your disease is to be explained simply thus:
Imperfect mastication and a slight weakness of the salivary glands not
bringing about a healthy deglutition there is in consequence a
corresponding loss of chymification, followed by imperfect
chylification, and thus the food is not properly acted upon before it
passes through the pyloric opening into the duodenum. Having had the
above explained to you in this simple and unpedantic manner, you will,
no doubt, my dear sir, feel very much more at ease." Having thus
delivered himself, the doctor took both his fee and his departure.

How sad it is that the poor human body cannot run through its brief span
of life, without having to carry about inside it a bottled-up disease of
some kind or other, which in time eats through the cork, or stopper, and
flows out all over the system, poisoning everything. Taking away all
sunshine, all happiness, until at length it dries up the channels of
life; not sparing either the great and rich, but attacking the mighty as
well as the lowly; not leaving alone so great a man even as our bold
Buccaneer. It is sad, but then there is a crowd waiting for us to move
on.

After the faddists came the specialists. Each one of these saw in the
Buccaneer's illness some one of the symptoms of his own especial
disease. Many of these most eminent men met in consultation, and there
was a great diversity of opinion. Each of the learned physicians flew at
once to his particular part of the Buccaneer's body. One said he was
suffering from dropsy and that nothing would save him but immediate
tapping. Another said it was stone, while a third was equally sure it
was his kidneys that were affected; this happening to be at the time the
fashionable disease. The exploring needle was thrust into every part of
the patient's body, with the result that some skulking disease was said
to be at the end of it, like a base conspirator plotting at the great
man's life. They one and all agreed, however, that the patient was
suffering from plethora, brought about by a too generous diet, which so
often accompanied very great prosperity. So before they left they bled
him freely; but still he neither recovered nor did he mend.

Only one set of specialists dare not approach him, and these were the
mad doctors; those who treated the human mind. So sensitive was the
Buccaneer on this point that it was extremely dangerous to mention the
subject of insanity. He allowed all his idiots and maniacs to go about
at large, and he never interfered with them until they killed some one,
or outraged society by some scandalous act of indecency. They were then
locked up to keep them from doing further injury.

The old coxswain stood by his master and prevented him from being either
starved, bled, or physiced to death. His neighbours too, all took a kind
interest in his welfare. Looked in just to see how he was getting on,
and to see how long he was likely to last. Said they hoped he would soon
recover; but in their hearts they hoped he never would. On their faces,
as is the custom, they wore a deep look of concern; sympathised with all
his sufferings, and told him to cheer up, for that they felt confident
he would pull through. Inwardly they were considering what of the
Buccaneer's property they would lay their hands upon, when the old
gentleman became too weak to defend himself. This is not hypocrisy, it
springs from that most laudable motive of not wishing to prolong the
suffering, or hurt the feelings, even of a rival.

But what caused the poor old gentleman more annoyance than anything was
the way some of the members of his family behaved, taking advantage of
the old gentleman's state of health to pester him almost to death, and
would not take no, for an answer. His daughters even gave him no peace,
and their shrill voices were to be heard even above the men's,
clamouring for all kind of things.

Some of them put on their nursing caps and bib-aprons and fell to
wrangling amongst themselves as to how the sick man was to be treated,
while at one end of the room, one Zedekiah Cant, had enthroned himself,
and held forth, by way of comforting the sick man's soul, upon the
horrors of hell. This reverend gentleman had slipped into the room while
two priests belonging to the old Church Hulk fell foul of each other on
the door-step over a matter of orthodoxy.

The old coxswain tried his best to keep them all quiet, and he read many
of them a lecture; but just as he had succeeded in establishing a little
peace in rushed one of the daughters--the one who, at the march-past of
the disaffected, had begged that all violent death might be banished
from the Buccaneer's kingdom. "Look here, sir," she exclaimed, holding
up a pigeon. "It's dead!"

"Who is dead?" cried the old Buccaneer, as he raised himself up in bed,
and looked fiercely round like some old terrier who on a sudden smells a
rat. "Has anything happened to the Eastern Bandit?" he asked. The ruling
passion it is well known is strong even in death.

"Far, far worse, sir," cried his daughter. "In wanton sport your
cruel-minded sons have killed this poor, unoffending bird. Its life has
been sacrificed to provide a holiday for the idle."

The Buccaneer finding that it was not his old rival who had come to
grief, sank down again and appeared quite unconcerned. Miss Progress now
requested silence and she at once commenced to lecture the Buccaneer
upon the theory of atoms; but even this did not seem to revive the
drooping spirits of the sick man. It, however, edified the lecturer to
no small degree, therefore it was not altogether barren of results. No
sooner had this daughter finished than another came forward, until at
length the Buccaneer, who was not ill enough to stand all this worrying,
requested his coxswain to pack the whole lot about their business. This
he did with extreme pleasure, and he assisted Zedekiah down-stairs with
the toe of his boot. As he was kicked out of the front door he was
attacked and well rated by the two clerical disputants, who dropped
their discussion to do battle with him.

The old coxswain took this to be a good sign, "Ah!" he said to himself,
"if my old master would only rip out an oath or two, like he used to in
our good old fighting days, it would gladden my heart and I would say
there's life in the old dog yet."

Now there lived in the Buccaneer's island a celebrated quack, Doctor
Politics by name, and there was scarcely anything that this man was not
supposed to be capable of doing. He had practised long and with success
and he was said to be extremely clever; having a remedy for everything
as most quacks have, and as he suited his fees to every pocket he did a
very good business, and was becoming more powerful in the Buccaneer's
island every day he lived. No doubt this man had worked some very great
cures and had brought relief to many suffering bodies; but the great
quack, like all great men, had his failings. Having been successful in
some things he thought himself skilled in all, and his bearing soon
became presumptuous and offensive in the extreme. People, however,
believed in him, and that was all that was necessary. Of course he made
mistakes at times, and his patients occasionally slipped through his
hands, and occasionally the cure was worse than the disease; but
accidents will happen even to the cleverest men, and when he made a
mistake very little was heard of it.

In an evil hour the Buccaneer put himself entirely in the hands of this
physician, who when he entered the sick man's room, began to make great
alterations both in medicine and diet. He was a most expensive man and
his fees were exorbitant, but to one as wealthy as the Buccaneer, money
is no object, and indeed he thought all the better for those things
which he paid well for.

"Sir," said the quack, "I have only been called in just in time. You are
suffering from a very severe depression, brought about by too good
living." In this he seemed to agree with the other physicians. "Your
constitution is impaired, and even endangered, and your interior
economy is altogether wrong. I will prescribe for you a strict regimen.
Every action must be regulated by law, I will lay down for you what you
are to eat, and what you are to drink, how much, and at what times. Your
hours of labour shall be defined, and also your hours for recreation;
the latter I will in time make to equal, or exceed, the hours of toil.
Your hours of sleep shall also be regulated, and indeed every action of
your life shall be brought under proper control, so that you need never
trouble yourself about anything, and any independent thought on your
part, or even action, will be quite unnecessary and altogether out of
place."

As is well known old servants frequently presume upon their position,
and old Jack was no exception to the rule, so he said, "We have enough
of your sort of medicine, doctor, on hand already and to spare. What my
master wants is a little more freedom."

The doctor looked up from the work he was at and said, "Indeed, may I
ask, my good sir, at what college you took your degree? Are you one of
those narrow-minded bigots, who not being able to see beyond your own
nose, which by the way seems to me to be an unusually long one, declare
that all beyond is ignorance and folly? Pray, may I ask if you are
homoeopath, or allopath?"

The old coxswain took no notice but creeping up to his master he
whispered in his ear, "Master, master, have a care. This fellow is
weaving a straight waistcoat for you, and God only knows, you are
cramped enough as it is."

But the Buccaneer did not understand his old friend and so the quack
continued his work, and presently said, addressing the coxswain, "Well,
my man, I will have nothing to do with you, and as you are likely to
interfere with my treatment with your cut and dried notions, your room
will be better than your company. Your master requires no fruit of the
medlar kind."

"If your medicine," replied Jack, "is of the same kind as your joke, it
won't kill with laughter if it does not cure, and there's comfort in
that."

"Begone, thou dotard!" cried the quack, "and mumble your old wives'
sayings to old wives' ears." Thus was poor old Jack banished from his
master's room. One of the accusations brought against the Buccaneer was
that he turned his back upon his friends. About the truth of this it is
not necessary to trouble; in such things, and indeed in many others that
ill nature floats, there is generally sufficient to give a colouring.
One thing is certain, he now allowed a well-tried, and honest old
servant, to be put on the wrong side of the door.

Like some faithful old dog, Jack hung about the place and often, and
often tried to steal into his master's room, just to see how he was
getting on. He swore he would be silent and not utter a word, but poor
old Jack's reputation for silence was not great, and the quack doctor
kept such an eye upon his patient that he could scarcely dare move, or
speak, without his authority. The only consolation that old Jack had was
to cry out in the hearing of everybody, "Well, damme! if this is
liberty, give me the four iron-windowed stone walls of a prison for
choice." But nobody seemed to heed him.

It was a sad sight to see this, at one time, daring old Buccaneer, so
fettered and bound. Many a good fight had he fought for the sake of his
freedom and after all it had only brought him to this. Evils, it is well
known, never come alone, and misfortune after misfortune befell him, for
one morning the merry round-faced sun rose with a broader smile than
usual upon his jolly red face. It was found that Madam Liberty, of whom
people had talked and prated so much, and made such a to-do about,
toadying, and flattering her, on even the smallest occasion, had turned
out to be no better than she should have been. The precise name by which
she was known it is not necessary to mention. Women of her class have at
all times played conspicuous parts in the world's history; being even
favoured of princes and other noble personages, while one even was made
the consort of an emperor and sat upon an Eastern throne. But a greater
surprise was still in store for people, for one morning they rose up to
find that the modern Phryne had disappeared in a most mysterious manner
and many believed that she had been made away with by her son, Demos.
This individual had now grown to great consideration in the Buccaneer's
island, and under the patronage of the quack he had been made custodian
of the household, and keeper of the old Buccaneer's honour; but the
latter office under his care soon became a mere sinecure. In turn Demos
became the master even of the quack, who had done so much to place him
where he was; but is not the story of kicking away the ladder by which
you have climbed, a very old one?

The uncrowned queen, Respectability, still held her sway, but her
kingdom had become more confined, and she became a most prim, and
exclusive sovereign. The great quack doctor treated her with the utmost
consideration and politeness, and even Demos, who was for pulling down
everything, tried to gain her over, but her majesty became extremely
haughty and reserved, and would have little or nothing to do with him.

But now the sorrow of sorrows has to be told. It was a wild and stormy
night. The rain swept over the island in blinding sheets. The wind
howled amongst the rigging of the old Ship of State, and the wild waves
dashed against the rock-bound coast, throwing up clouds of spray, and
roaring like hungry monsters, eager to devour their prey. The old
sign-board over the door of the Constitution public-house laboured to
and fro in the blast, and groaned every now and again as if in pain. The
light from a feeble lamp shed its uncertain rays upon two forms lying
side by side on the cold, damp earth, and the wind as it passed them
seemed to sing a funeral dirge to the Buccaneer's two best friends, the
Beggar Woman, Patriotism, and the old coxswain, Jack Commonsense.

The two of them had travelled side by side on the road to Misfortune;
begging about from door to door, but they claimed neither pity nor
sympathy, all people being much too busy with their own affairs to pay
them any attention. At length they dragged their starved bodies to die
in front of the old house they both loved so well. With the loss of
these two the Buccaneer's days, it was believed, were numbered.




CHAPTER XLII.


Little is left to be told now. The sick man occasionally rallied, and he
loved to dwell like most old men of every station in life, upon his
past. He was also given to occasional fits of boasting, and when he did
do anything he took good care to let all the world know it. "Did you see
that!" he would cry out in an ecstasy of delight. "Did you see the
mighty blow I struck? Never in my palmiest days did I do better. Hide,
hide your diminished heads, ye Ramillies, Malplaquet, and Waterloo."
These famous battles he loved to talk about.

He also took a strange delight in showering upon all his people all
kinds of honours or distinctions, and it was said that men were
decorated for doing little or nothing. This was a symptom of decay.

Sometimes as he sat pillowed up in his invalid's chair, with the great
quack doctor in attendance upon him, he would mumble to himself, "Aye,
aye, I knew thee well. There was Wallop, he swept the seas. There was
brave Howard, Hawkins, Frobisher, and the rest, and you, my little man!
No, no, I've not forgotten Trafalgar and the Nile. Don't you remember
them all, Jack? Jack! Jack! where's my cox'sn, he never used to play the
truant," but Jack never answered to his call, and the old man wandered
on. "Clack, clack go my windlasses; yo! ho! cry my men. Heave in, my
lads. Sheet home and hoist up, and bear away for the main."

The great quack smiled as he glanced his eyes up at the long row of
shelves, with their burdens of remedies, all of which had been
prescribed to meet some fresh complaint, and many a costly dose had been
given, which only aggravated the disease; and of many of the others, all
that could be said was, that if they did no good, they at least did no
harm; but the straight waistcoat every day received some slight
addition, which contracted still more the old Buccaneer's actions, until
in time he could scarcely call his soul his own.

Thus did this great man pass his declining years. Ruled over by a
tyrannical quack. Worried by his own children, to whom he had given
every indulgence, at the recommendation of Madam Liberty, until it could
with justice be said that they one and all combined to bring the old
Buccaneer's grey hairs with sorrow to the grave.

It is usual in all books, and it is even necessary before you close your
pages to kill some of the characters, if not all. Sometimes they die a
natural death, at others they are either blown up with gun-powder, or
otherwise made away; either with the steel blade, or the leaden bullet
of the assassin. The characters who have strutted for a brief space upon
the pages of this history must be allowed to die peacefully. The star of
Dogvane, the king of the Ojabberaways, after resting for a short while
over the green isle of his adoption, set forever in the Western Ocean.
His chief jester, the merry Pepper, the man of infinite wisdom and
resource, also passed away. Dogvane was never allowed to carry out his
grand design of covering the naked population of the Soudan in home-made
fabrics. Nor was the cook soothed in his last moments by seeing the
object of his life accomplished, namely, the total abolition of the
Buccaneer's Upper Chamber; consequently we cannot imagine that his end
was peace.

It is a pity that Death is no respecter of persons; had he been, the
gifted Pepper, would, no doubt, have been spared to amuse and enlighten
the world. Of the other conspirators of the cook's caboose, after having
served their allotted time, they also passed away, and it is not
recorded that Billy Cheeks, before he died, set fire to the waters of
the river that flowed by the Buccaneer's chief city. The carpenter rose
high in his master's household, and carried to his grave a goodly load
of honour. Of the rest, let history tell what truth or what lies it
likes, here no more will be recorded. It will be remembered that our
bold Buccaneer was at one time sorely grieved because he only had one
general. This seemed to prey so upon his mind in his last days, that he
tried to make amends for his past neglect by making generals by the
score, whether they were fitted for the position or not; nor did the
Buccaneer stop here, for he gave military titles to nearly all his sons,
in the hope, no doubt, that amongst the crowd there might be one
military genius, or perhaps two.

But stranger things were yet in store for the world, and a graver
symptom of decaying power had yet to manifest itself. It has been
already said that no man ever did more to degrade noble distinctions and
marks of honour than did this, at one time, celebrated Buccaneer, in his
declining years. It is true that he had not sunk quite so low as one of
his neighbours, who sold such things for a mere money consideration; but
he had in his latter years gone some considerable way even in this
direction, for he had made money a stepping-stone to preferment. The one
who placed drunkenness within easy reach of his people, might reasonably
expect to be made a peer. The successful oil-man, or grocer, who had
made his five talents into ten, need not despair of earning the at one
time honourable distinction of knighthood, while any one who served his
party well, even if it were to the discredit of his country, was pretty
certain to be ennobled. The number of new creations was so great, that
his heraldic officers were nearly worn-out with finding ancestors and
pedigrees for all these great people, and it was wonderful what things
their industry, and their ingenuity, brought to light. Frequently they
followed the poet's art and gave "to airy nothing a local habitation and
a name."

Had he promoted all his cooks to seats in the Council Chamber it would
not have been so very extraordinary a thing, considering the part that
cooks play in this world of ours. The Buccaneer now put a climax to his
folly by one day making all his tinkers lords, and all his tailors
knights. Whether this was done in a spirit of irony, or from a deep
conviction that, as he had gone so far, he could not in justice draw any
hard and fast line, will never be known. He was without doubt the best
tinker the world had ever seen, and he had a very large show of
tinkered pots, pans, and kettles, always on hand, but many thought he
might have stopped here.

These last acts were considered to be of so grave a nature that the
priest took the place of the doctor, and when this happens little else
remains to be told.

Before closing the pages of this history, another catastrophe must be
recorded. In one of those storms which were of frequent occurrence in
the Buccaneer's island, the old Church Hulk, which had ridden alongside
of the Ship of State for so many years in fair weather and in foul,
slipped her moorings one dark night, either by accident, or otherwise,
and she drifted on to the rocks of discord, and being broken up was
plundered; her own crew being fortunate enough to save some of her cargo
of riches for themselves. After all was over they set to work to accuse
and abuse each other. Some indeed expressed open satisfaction at what
had happened, for the discipline on board the old Church Ship had long
been too severe for them, and signs of mutiny and insubordination had
long been manifest, as has been already shown. These felt that now they
could worship their God how they liked, when they liked, and in what
costume they liked; and those who wished it, and there were not a few,
could even worship more gods than one.

The loss of the Church Ship was put down to various causes by her crew.
Some said it was the work of the devil; others said it was through the
wickedness of men; but very few of them thought of applying to
themselves the proverb, which the old coxswain and his master had
brought from the Spanish Main.




CHAPTER XLIII.


There are different opinions as to how the world is to end. Some say it
will eventually fall a prey to that rapacious monster, the sun, which
seems to be according to these people a veritable gourmand; requiring an
enormous quantity of food to keep him going, and thinking no more of a
planet than an ordinary individual does of an oyster. Others seem to
think that the present inhabitants are to be frozen out, while others
again think that the balance of things is to be upset, and that some day
we shall, world and all, be flung into unlimitable space, waking up
eventually perhaps the peace and quiet of some far off system. Whatever
the method, the result will be the same, so far as the inhabitants are
concerned. All people are selfish enough to hope that things will last
their time, for no matter how the world is abused, and called all sorts
of bad names, but few leave it willingly, and if they could look out
upon the many beauties with which they are surrounded; if they could be
cured of their blindness, they would see something fresh every day to
give them pleasure.

It was equally a matter of doubt as to how this brave old Buccaneer was
to make his final exit. Frequently the last stroke of death is not given
by that ailment that has been threatening through life. But as to the
Buccaneer? Would his neighbours step in, and taking advantage of his
weakness, knock the old gentleman on the head, and then divide his
riches amongst themselves, and thus save all further trouble to
administrators and executors? Would Demos, taking advantage of the
position his wanton mother Liberty had placed him in, club the old
gentleman, and so give him the finishing stroke? Such a thing has
happened before now, in the world's history, and it may happen again.
Children petted and spoiled, have ere now risen against their parents,
and have cruelly treated them. Was the old Buccaneer, the prosperous
trader, to have the last drop of blood sucked out of him, by the foreign
parasites and cheap-Jacks, or was he doomed to have the last spark of
life trampled out of him by the Ojabberaways? Again, what if this old
Buccaneer, who had sailed for so many years under the death's head and
cross-bones, were destined to end his days under Petticoat Government?
There would be a strange irony in this, and such a thing would go far,
no doubt, to rectify the many injustices that the fair sex from the
beginning has been subjected to. Revenge is sweet, and no doubt if this
were to happen, the last moments of the Buccaneer would not be passed in
peace. But of his end who can tell? It would be but waste of time
further to surmise, for we must say farewell to our brave old friend. We
will leave him in the hands of the great quack doctor and his numerous
attendants. What matters it, whether after lingering for a while below,
he was taken up to heaven on a snow white cloud, the fringe of which was
illumined by the glowing embers of a world he loved so well, and in
which he had played a by no means insignificant part? What if he passed
away before the final consummation of all things, leaving his spirits
behind to walk the earth, and to encourage some weary traveller who,
commencing life as a Buccaneer, lives in after years under the
protection of the great uncrowned queen Respectability, and takes for
his fancy dress the cowl and frock of a monk?

The last moments of the great and powerful are sad to contemplate, and
are not lightly to be intruded upon. We see the mighty intellect
impaired, and the babbling tongue let loose. We see the strong arm that
was once the terror of all those who came within its reach lying
listless on the counterpane, with emaciated fingers whose strength is
not sufficient to crush a fly. Character, virtue, intellect, all that
goes to make a man great, have to retire into the shade of the sick
chamber, and wait patiently there, silently watching the ravages that
are being made. Then with the last breath of the dying man, Reputation
spreads her wings, soiled perhaps, and torn by slander, and pierced by
the sharp pointed shafts of ill-nature, and takes refuge in the marble
palaces of History, where things are cleansed and purified, or condemned
to everlasting obloquy.

We drop the curtain, and wish this celebrated Buccaneer a long good
night.


THE END.





End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer, by
Richard Clynton

*** 