



 Produced by David Widger



SIX SHORT PLAYS OF GALSWORTHY


THE LITTLE MAN

A Farcical Morality In Three Scenes


By John Galsworthy



CHARACTERS

     THE LITTLE MAN.
     THE AMERICAN.
     THE ENGLISHMAN.
     THE ENGLISHWOMAN.
     THE GERMAN.
     THE DUTCH BOY.
     THE MOTHER.
     THE BABY.
     THE WAITER.
     THE STATION OFFICIAL.
     THE POLICEMAN.
     THE PORTER.




SCENE I

     Afternoon, on the departure platform of an Austrian railway
     station.  At several little tables outside the buffet persons
     are taking refreshment, served by a pale young waiter.  On a
     seat against the wall of the buffet a woman of lowly station is
     sitting beside two large bundles, on one of which she has placed
     her baby, swathed in a black shawl.

WAITER.  [Approaching a table whereat sit an English traveller and
his wife]  Two coffee?

ENGLISHMAN.  [Paying]  Thanks.  [To his wife, in an Oxford voice]
Sugar?

ENGLISHWOMAN.  [In a Cambridge voice]  One.

AMERICAN TRAVELLER.  [With field-glasses and a pocket camera from
another table]  Waiter, I'd like to have you get my eggs.  I've been
sitting here quite a while.

WAITER.  Yes, sare.

GERMAN TRAVELLER.  'Kellner, bezahlen'!  [His voice is, like his
moustache, stiff and brushed up at the ends.  His figure also is
stiff and his hair a little grey; clearly once, if not now, a
colonel.]

WAITER.  'Komm' gleich'!

     [The baby on the bundle wails.  The mother takes it up to soothe
     it.  A young, red-cheeked Dutchman at the fourth table stops
     eating and laughs.]

AMERICAN.  My eggs!  Get a wiggle on you!

WAITER.  Yes, sare.  [He rapidly recedes.]

     [A LITTLE MAN in a soft hat is seen to the right of tables.  He
     stands a moment looking after the hurrying waiter, then seats
     himself at the fifth table.]

ENGLISHMAN.  [Looking at his watch]  Ten minutes more.

ENGLISHWOMAN.  Bother!

AMERICAN.  [Addressing them]  'Pears as if they'd a prejudice against
eggs here, anyway.

     [The ENGLISH look at him, but do not speak. ]

GERMAN.  [In creditable English]  In these places man can get
nothing.

     [The WAITER comes flying back with a compote for the DUTCH
     YOUTH, who pays.]

GERMAN.  'Kellner, bezahlen'!

WAITER.  'Eine Krone sechzig'.

     [The GERMAN pays.]

AMERICAN.  [Rising, and taking out his watch--blandly]  See here.  If
I don't get my eggs before this watch ticks twenty, there'll be
another waiter in heaven.

WAITER.  [Flying] 'Komm' gleich'!

AMERICAN.  [Seeking sympathy]  I'm gettin' kind of mad!

     [The ENGLISHMAN halves his newspaper and hands the advertisement
     half to his wife.  The BABY wails.  The MOTHER rocks it.]

     [The DUTCH YOUTH stops eating and laughs.  The GERMAN lights a
     cigarette.  The LITTLE MAN sits motionless, nursing his hat.
     The WAITER comes flying back with the eggs and places them
     before the AMERICAN.]

AMERICAN.  [Putting away his watch]  Good!  I don't like trouble.
How much?

     [He pays and eats.  The WAITER stands a moment at the edge of
     the platform and passes his hand across his brow.  The LITTLE
     MAN eyes him and speaks gently.]

LITTLE MAN.  Herr Ober!

     [The WAITER turns.]

Might I have a glass of beer?

WAITER.  Yes, sare.

LITTLE MAN.  Thank you very much.

     [The WAITER goes.]

AMERICAN.  [Pausing in the deglutition of his eggs--affably]  Pardon
me, sir; I'd like to have you tell me why you called that little bit
of a feller "Herr Ober."  Reckon you would know what that means?
Mr. Head Waiter.

LITTLE MAN.  Yes, yes.

AMERICAN.  I smile.

LITTLE MAN.  Oughtn't I to call him that?

GERMAN.  [Abruptly] 'Nein--Kellner'.

AMERICAN.  Why, yes!  Just "waiter."

     [The ENGLISHWOMAN looks round her paper for a second.  The DUTCH
     YOUTH stops eating and laughs.  The LITTLE MAN gazes from face
     to face and nurses his hat.]

LITTLE MAN.  I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

GERMAN.  Gott!

AMERICAN.  In my country we're very democratic--but that's quite a
proposition.

ENGLISHMAN.  [Handling coffee-pot, to his wife]  More?

ENGLISHWOMAN.  No, thanks.

GERMAN.  [Abruptly]  These fellows--if you treat them in this manner,
at once they take liberties.  You see, you will not get your beer.

     [As he speaks the WAITER returns, bringing the LITTLE MAN'S
     beer, then retires.]

AMERICAN.  That 'pears to be one up to democracy.  [To the LITTLE
MAN]  I judge you go in for brotherhood?

LITTLE MAN.  [Startled]  Oh, no!

AMERICAN.  I take considerable stock in Leo Tolstoi myself.  Grand
man--grand-souled apparatus.  But I guess you've got to pinch those
waiters some to make 'em skip.  [To the ENGLISH, who have carelessly
looked his way for a moment]  You'll appreciate that, the way he
acted about my eggs.

     [The ENGLISH make faint motions with their chins and avert their
     eyes.]

     [To the WAITER, who is standing at the door of the buffet]

Waiter!  Flash of beer--jump, now!

WAITER.  'Komm' gleich'!

GERMAN.  'Cigarren'!

WAITER.  'Schon'!

     [He disappears.]

AMERICAN.  [Affably--to the LITTLE MAN]  Now, if I don't get that
flash of beer quicker'n you got yours, I shall admire.

GERMAN.  [Abruptly]  Tolstoi is nothing 'nichts'!  No good!  Ha?

AMERICAN.  [Relishing the approach of argument]  Well, that is a
matter of temperament.  Now, I'm all for equality.  See that poor
woman there--very humble woman--there she sits among us with her
baby.  Perhaps you'd like to locate her somewhere else?

GERMAN.  [Shrugging].  Tolstoi is 'sentimentalisch'.  Nietzsche is
the true philosopher, the only one.

AMERICAN.  Well, that's quite in the prospectus--very stimulating
party--old Nietch--virgin mind.  But give me Leo!  [He turns to the
red-cheeked YOUTH]  What do you opine, sir?  I guess by your labels
you'll be Dutch.  Do they read Tolstoi in your country?

     [The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.]

AMERICAN.  That is a very luminous answer.

GERMAN.  Tolstoi is nothing.  Man should himself express.  He must
push--he must be strong.

AMERICAN.  That is so.  In America we believe in virility; we like a
man to expand.  But we believe in brotherhood too.  We draw the line
at <DW65>s; but we aspire.  Social barriers and distinctions we've
not much use for.

ENGLISHMAN.  Do you feel a draught?

ENGLISHWOMAN.  [With a shiver of her shoulder toward the AMERICAN]  I
do--rather.

GERMAN.  Wait!  You are a young people.

AMERICAN.  That is so; there are no flies on us.  [To the LITTLE MAN,
who has been gazing eagerly from face to face]  Say!  I'd like to
have you give us your sentiments in relation to the duty of man.

     [The LITTLE MAN, fidgets, and is about to opens his mouth.]

AMERICAN.  For example--is it your opinion that we should kill off
the weak and diseased, and all that can't jump around?

GERMAN.  [Nodding] 'Ja, ja'!  That is coming.

LITTLE MAN.  [Looking from face to face]  They might be me.

     [The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.]

AMERICAN.  [Reproving him with a look]  That's true humility.
'Tisn't grammar.  Now, here's a proposition that brings it nearer the
bone:  Would you step out of your way to help them when it was liable
to bring you trouble?

GERMAN.  'Nein, nein'!  That is stupid.

LITTLE MAN.  [Eager but wistful]  I'm afraid not.  Of course one
wants to--There was St Francis d'Assisi and St Julien L'Hospitalier,
and----

AMERICAN.  Very lofty dispositions.  Guess they died of them.  [He
rises]  Shake hands, sir--my name is--[He hands a card]  I am an
ice-machine maker.  [He shakes the LITTLE MAN's hand] I like your
sentiments--I feel kind of brotherly.  [Catching sight of the WAITER
appearing in the doorway]  Waiter; where to h-ll is that glass of
beer?

GERMAN.  Cigarren!

WAITER.  'Komm' gleich'!

ENGLISHMAN.  [Consulting watch]  Train's late.

ENGLISHWOMAN.  Really!  Nuisance!

     [A station POLICEMAN, very square and uniformed, passes and
     repasses.]

AMERICAN.  [Resuming his seat--to the GERMAN]  Now, we don't have so
much of that in America.  Guess we feel more to trust in human
nature.

GERMAN.  Ah!  ha!  you will bresently find there is nothing in him
but self.

LITTLE MAN.  [Wistfully]  Don't you believe in human nature?

AMERICAN.  Very stimulating question.

     [He looks round for opinions.  The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.]

ENGLISHMAN. [Holding out his half of the paper to his wife]  Swap!

     [His wife swaps.]

GERMAN.  In human nature I believe so far as I can see him--no more.

AMERICAN.  Now that 'pears to me kind o' blasphemy.  I believe in
heroism.  I opine there's not one of us settin' around here that's
not a hero--give him the occasion.

LITTLE MAN.  Oh!  Do you believe that?

AMERICAN.  Well!  I judge a hero is just a person that'll help
another at the expense of himself.  Take that poor woman there.
Well, now, she's a heroine, I guess.  She would die for her baby any
old time.

GERMAN.  Animals will die for their babies.  That is nothing.

AMERICAN.  I carry it further.  I postulate we would all die for that
baby if a locomotive was to trundle up right here and try to handle
it.  [To the GERMAN]  I guess you don't know how good you are.  [As
the GERMAN is twisting up the ends of his moustache--to the
ENGLISHWOMAN]  I should like to have you express an opinion, ma'am.

ENGLISHWOMAN.  I beg your pardon.

AMERICAN.  The English are very humanitarian; they have a very high
sense of duty.  So have the Germans, so have the Americans.  [To the
DUTCH YOUTH]  I judge even in your little country they have that.
This is an epoch of equality and high-toned ideals.  [To the LITTLE
MAN]  What is your nationality, sir?

LITTLE MAN.  I'm afraid I'm nothing particular.  My father was
half-English and half-American, and my mother half-German and
half-Dutch.

AMERICAN.  My!  That's a bit streaky, any old way.  [The POLICEMAN
passes again]  Now, I don't believe we've much use any more for those
gentlemen in buttons.  We've grown kind of mild--we don't think of
self as we used to do.

     [The WAITER has appeared in the doorway.]

GERMAN.  [In a voice of thunder] 'Cigarren!  Donnerwetter'!

AMERICAN.  [Shaking his fist at the vanishing WAITER]  That flash of
beer!

WAITER.  'Komm' gleich'!

AMERICAN.  A little more, and he will join George Washington!  I was
about to remark when he intruded: In this year of grace 1913 the
kingdom of Christ is quite a going concern.  We are mighty near
universal brotherhood.  The colonel here [He indicates the GERMAN] is
a man of blood and iron, but give him an opportunity to be
magnanimous, and he'll be right there.  Oh, sir!  yep!

     [The GERMAN, with a profound mixture of pleasure and cynicism,
     brushes up the ends of his moustache.]

LITTLE MAN.  I wonder.  One wants to, but somehow--[He shakes his
head.]

AMERICAN. You seem kind of skeery about that.  You've had experience,
maybe.  I'm an optimist--I think we're bound to make the devil hum in
the near future.  I opine we shall occasion a good deal of trouble to
that old party.  There's about to be a holocaust of selfish
interests.  The colonel there with old-man Nietch he won't know
himself.  There's going to be a very sacred opportunity.

     [As he speaks, the voice of a RAILWAY OFFICIAL is heard an the
     distance calling out in German.  It approaches, and the words
     become audible.]

GERMAN.  [Startled] 'Der Teufel'!  [He gets up, and seizes the bag
beside him.]

     [The STATION OFFICIAL has appeared; he stands for a moment
     casting his commands at the seated group.  The DUTCH YOUTH also
     rises, and takes his coat and hat.  The OFFICIAL turns on his
     heel and retires still issuing directions.]

ENGLISHMAN.  What does he say?

GERMAN.  Our drain has come in, de oder platform; only one minute we
haf.

     [All, have risen in a fluster.]

AMERICAN.  Now, that's very provoking.  I won't get that flash of
beer.

     [There is a general scurry to gather coats and hats and wraps,
     during which the lowly WOMAN is seen making desperate attempts
     to deal with her baby and the two large bundles.  Quite
     defeated, she suddenly puts all down, wrings her hands, and
     cries out: "Herr Jesu!  Hilfe!"  The flying procession turn
     their heads at that strange cry.]

AMERICAN.  What's that?  Help?

     [He continues to run.  The LITTLE MAN spins round, rushes back,
     picks up baby and bundle on which it was seated.]

LITTLE MAN.  Come along, good woman, come along!

     [The WOMAN picks up the other bundle and they run.]

     [The WAITER, appearing in the doorway with the bottle of beer,
     watches with his tired smile.]


                              CURTAIN




SCENE II

     A second-class compartment of a corridor carriage, in motion.
     In it are seated the ENGLISHMAN and his WIFE, opposite each
     other at the corridor end, she with her face to the engine, he
     with his back.  Both are somewhat protected from the rest of the
     travellers by newspapers.  Next to her sits the GERMAN, and
     opposite him sits the AMERICAN; next the AMERICAN in one window
     corner is seated the DUTCH YOUTH; the other window corner is
     taken by the GERMAN'S bag.  The silence is only broken by the
     slight rushing noise of the train's progression and the
     crackling of the English newspapers.

AMERICAN.  [Turning to the DUTCH YOUTH]  Guess I'd like that window
raised; it's kind of chilly after that old run they gave us.

     [The DUTCH YOUTH laughs, and goes through the motions of raising
     the window.  The ENGLISH regard the operation with uneasy
     irritation.  The GERMAN opens his bag, which reposes on the
     corner seat next him, and takes out a book.]

AMERICAN.  The Germans are great readers.  Very stimulating practice.
I read most anything myself!

     [The GERMAN holds up the book so that the title may be read.]

"Don Quixote"--fine book.  We Americans take considerable stock in
old man Quixote.  Bit of a wild-cat--but we don't laugh at him.

GERMAN.  He is dead.  Dead as a sheep.  A good thing, too.

AMERICAN.  In America we have still quite an amount of chivalry.

GERMAN.  Chivalry is nothing 'sentimentalisch'.  In modern days--no
good.  A man must push, he must pull.

AMERICAN.  So you say.  But I judge your form of chivalry is
sacrifice to the state.  We allow more freedom to the individual
soul.  Where there's something little and weak, we feel it kind of
noble to give up to it.  That way we feel elevated.

     [As he speaks there is seen in the corridor doorway the LITTLE
     MAN, with the WOMAN'S BABY still on his arm and the bundle held
     in the other hand.  He peers in anxiously.  The ENGLISH, acutely
     conscious, try to dissociate themselves from his presence with
     their papers.  The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.]

GERMAN.  'Ach'!  So!

AMERICAN.  Dear me!

LITTLE MAN.  Is there room?  I can't find a seat.

AMERICAN.  Why, yes!  There's a seat for one.

LITTLE MAN.  [Depositing bundle outside, and heaving BABY]  May I?

AMERICAN.  Come right in!

     [The GERMAN sulkily moves his bag.  The LITTLE MAN comes in and
     seats himself gingerly.]

AMERICAN.  Where's the mother?

LITTLE MAN.  [Ruefully]  Afraid she got left behind.

     [The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.  The ENGLISH unconsciously emerge from
     their newspapers.]

AMERICAN.  My!  That would appear to be quite a domestic incident.

     [The ENGLISHMAN suddenly utters a profound "Ha, Ha!" and
     disappears behind his paper.  And that paper and the one
     opposite are seen to shake, and little sguirls and squeaks
     emerge.]

GERMAN.  And you haf got her bundle, and her baby.  Ha!  [He cackles
drily.]

AMERICAN.  [Gravely]  I smile.  I guess Providence has played it
pretty low down on you.  It's sure acted real mean.

     [The BABY wails, and the LITTLE MAN jigs it with a sort of
     gentle desperation, looking apologetically from face to face.
     His wistful glance renews the fore of merriment wherever it
     alights.  The AMERICAN alone preserves a gravity which seems
     incapable of being broken.]

AMERICAN.  Maybe you'd better get off right smart and restore that
baby.  There's nothing can act madder than a mother.

LITTLE MAN.  Poor thing, yes!  What she must be suffering!

     [A gale of laughter shakes the carriage.  The ENGLISH for a
     moment drop their papers, the better to indulge.  The LITTLE MAN
     smiles a wintry smile.]

AMERICAN.  [In a lull]  How did it eventuate?

LITTLE MAN.  We got there just as the train was going to start; and I
jumped, thinking I could help her up.  But it moved too quickly,
and--and left her.

     [The gale of laughter blows up again.]

AMERICAN.  Guess I'd have thrown the baby out to her.

LITTLE MAN.  I was afraid the poor little thing might break.

     [The Baby wails; the LITTLE MAN heaves it; the gale of laughter
     blows.]

AMERICAN.  [Gravely]  It's highly entertaining--not for the baby.
What kind of an old baby is it, anyway?  [He sniff's]  I judge it's a
bit--niffy.

LITTLE MAN.  Afraid I've hardly looked at it yet.

AMERICAN.  Which end up is it?

LITTLE MAM.  Oh!  I think the right end.  Yes, yes, it is.

AMERICAN.  Well, that's something.  Maybe you should hold it out of
window a bit.  Very excitable things, babies!

ENGLISHWOMAN.  [Galvanized]  No, no!

ENGLISHMAN.  [Touching her knee]  My dear!

AMERICAN.  You are right, ma'am.  I opine there's a draught out
there.  This baby is precious.  We've all of us got stock in this
baby in a manner of speaking.  This is a little bit of universal
brotherhood.  Is it a woman baby?

LITTLE MAN.  I--I can only see the top of its head.

AMERICAN.  You can't always tell from that.  It looks kind of
over-wrapped up.  Maybe it had better be unbound.

GERMAN.  'Nein, nein, nein'!

AMERICAN.  I think you are very likely right, colonel.  It might be a
pity to unbind that baby.  I guess the lady should be consulted in
this matter.

ENGLISHWOMAN.  Yes, yes, of course----!

ENGLISHMAN.  [Touching her]  Let it be!  Little beggar seems all
right.

AMERICAN.  That would seem only known to Providence at this moment.
I judge it might be due to humanity to look at its face.

LITTLE MAN.  [Gladly]  It's sucking my' finger.  There, there--nice
little thing--there!

AMERICAN.  I would surmise in your leisure moments you have created
babies, sir?

LITTLE MAN.  Oh! no--indeed, no.

AMERICAN.  Dear me!--That is a loss.  [Addressing himself to the
carriage at large]  I think we may esteem ourselves fortunate to have
this little stranger right here with us.  Demonstrates what a hold
the little and weak have upon us nowadays.  The colonel here--a man
of blood and iron--there he sits quite calm next door to it.  [He
sniffs]  Now, this baby is rather chastening--that is a sign of
grace, in the colonel--that is true heroism.

LITTLE MAN.  [Faintly]  I--I can see its face a little now.

     [All bend forward.]

AMERICAN.  What sort of a physiognomy has it, anyway?

LITTLE MAN.  [Still faintly]  I don't see anything but--but spots.

GERMAN.  Oh!  Ha!  Pfui!

     [The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.]

AMERICAN.  I am told that is not uncommon amongst babies.  Perhaps we
could have you inform us, ma'am.

ENGLISHWOMAN.  Yes, of course--only what sort of----

LITTLE MAN.  They seem all over its----[At the slight recoil of
everyone] I feel sure it's--it's quite a good baby underneath.

AMERICAN.  That will be rather difficult to come at.  I'm just a bit
sensitive.  I've very little use for affections of the epidermis.

GERMAN.  Pfui!  [He has edged away as far as he can get, and is
lighting a big cigar]

     [The DUTCH YOUTH draws his legs back.]

AMERICAN.  [Also taking out a cigar]  I guess it would be well to
fumigate this carriage.  Does it suffer, do you think?

LITTLE MAN.  [Peering]  Really, I don't--I'm not sure--I know so
little about babies.  I think it would have a nice expression--if--if
it showed.

AMERICAN.  Is it kind of boiled looking?

LITTLE MAN.  Yes--yes, it is.

AMERICAN.  [Looking gravely round]  I judge this baby has the
measles.

     [The GERMAN screws himself spasmodically against the arm of the
     ENGLISHWOMAN'S seat.]

ENGLISHWOMAN.  Poor little thing!  Shall I----?

     [She half rises.]

ENGLISHMAN.  [Touching her]  No, no----Dash it!

AMERICAN.  I honour your emotion, ma'am.  It does credit to us all.
But I sympathize with your husband too.  The measles is a very
important pestilence in connection with a grown woman.

LITTLE MAN.  It likes my finger awfully.  Really, it's rather a sweet
baby.

AMERICAN.  [Sniffing]  Well, that would appear to be quite a
question.  About them spots, now?  Are they rosy?

LITTLE MAN.  No-o; they're dark, almost black.

GERMAN.  Gott!  Typhus!  [He bounds up on to the arm of the
ENGLISHWOMAN'S Seat.]

AMERICAN.  Typhus!  That's quite an indisposition!

     [The DUTCH YOUTH rises suddenly, and bolts out into the
     corridor.  He is followed by the GERMAN, puffing clouds of
     smoke.  The ENGLISH and AMERICAN sit a moment longer without
     speaking.  The ENGLISHWOMAN'S face is turned with a curious
     expression--half pity, half fear--towards the LITTLE MAN.  Then
     the ENGLISHMAN gets up.]

ENGLISHMAN.  Bit stuffy for you here, dear, isn't it?

     [He puts his arm through hers, raises her, and almost pushes her
     through the doorway.  She goes, still looking back.]

AMERICAN.  [Gravely]  There's nothing I admire more'n courage.  Guess
I'll go and smoke in the corridor.

     [As he goes out the LITTLE MAN looks very wistfully after him.
     Screwing up his mouth and nose, he holds the BABY away from him
     and wavers; then rising, he puts it on the seat opposite and
     goes through the motions of letting down the window.  Having
     done so he looks at the BABY, who has begun to wail.  Suddenly
     he raises his hands and clasps them, like a child praying.
     Since, however, the BABY does not stop wailing, he hovers over
     it in indecision; then, picking it up, sits down again to dandle
     it, with his face turned toward the open window.  Finding that
     it still wails, he begins to sing to it in a cracked little
     voice.  It is charmed at once.  While he is singing, the
     AMERICAN appears in the corridor.  Letting down the passage
     window, he stands there in the doorway with the draught blowing
     his hair and the smoke of his cigar all about him.  The LITTLE
     MAN stops singing and shifts the shawl higher to protect the
     BABY'S head from the draught.]

AMERICAN.  [Gravely]  This is the most sublime spectacle I have ever
envisaged.  There ought to be a record of this.

     [The LITTLE MAN looks at him, wondering.  You are typical, sir,
     of the sentiments of modern Christianity.  You illustrate the
     deepest feelings in the heart of every man.]

     [The LITTLE MAN rises with the BABY and a movement of approach.]

Guess I'm wanted in the dining-car.

     [He vanishes.  The LITTLE MAN sits down again, but back to the
     engine, away from the draught, and looks out of the window,
     patiently jogging the BABY On his knee.]


                              CURTAIN




SCENE III

     An arrival platform.  The LITTLE MAN, with the BABY and the
     bundle, is standing disconsolate, while travellers pass and
     luggage is being carried by.  A STATION OFFICIAL, accompanied by
     a POLICEMAN, appears from a doorway, behind him.

OFFICIAL.  [Consulting telegram in his hand] 'Das ist der Herr'.

     [They advance to the LITTLE MAN.]

OFFICIAL.  'Sie haben einen Buben gestohlen'?

LITTLE MAN.  I only speak English and American.

OFFICIAL.  'Dies ist nicht Ihr Bube'?

     [He touches the Baby.]

LITTLE MAN.  [Shaking his head]  Take care--it's ill.

     [The man does not understand.]

Ill--the baby----

OFFICIAL.  [Shaking his head]  'Verstehe nicht'.  Dis is nod your baby?
No?

LITTLE MAN.  [Shaking his head violently]  No, it is not.  No.

OFFICIAL.  [Tapping the telegram]  Gut!  You are 'rested.  [He signs
to the POLICEMAN, who takes the LITTLE MAN's arm.]

LITTLE MAN.  Why?  I don't want the poor baby.

OFFICIAL.  [Lifting the bundle] 'Dies ist nicht Ihr Gepack'--pag?

LITTLE Mary.  No.

OFFICIAL.  Gut!  You are 'rested.

LITTLE MAN.  I only took it for the poor woman.  I'm not a thief--
I'm--I'm----

OFFICIAL.  [Shaking head]  Verstehe nicht.

     [The LITTLE MAN tries to tear his hair.  The disturbed BABY
     wails.]

LITTLE MAN.  [Dandling it as best he can]  There, there--poor, poor!

OFFICIAL.  Halt still!  You are 'rested.  It is all right.

LITTLE MAN.  Where is the mother?

OFFICIAL.  She comet by next drain.  Das telegram say: 'Halt einen
Herren mit schwarzem Buben and schwarzem Gepack'.  'Rest gentleman
mit black baby and black--pag.

     [The LITTLE MAN turns up his eyes to heaven.]

OFFICIAL.  'Komm mit us'.

     [They take the LITTLE MAN toward the door from which they have
     come.  A voice stops them.]

AMERICAN.  [Speaking from as far away as may be]  Just a moment!

     [The OFFICIAL stops; the LITTLE MAN also stops and sits down on
     a bench against the wall.  The POLICEMAN stands stolidly beside
     him.  The AMERICAN approaches a step or two, beckoning; the
     OFFICIAL goes up to him.]

AMERICAN.  Guess you've got an angel from heaven there!  What's the
gentleman in buttons for?

OFFICIAL.  'Was ist das'?

AMERICAN.  Is there anybody here that can understand American?

OFFICIAL.  'Verstehe nicht'.

AMERICAN.  Well, just watch my gestures.  I was saying [He points to
the LITTLE MAN, then makes gestures of flying]  you have an angel
from heaven there.  You have there a man in whom Gawd [He points
upward]  takes quite an amount of stock.  You have no call to arrest
him.  [He makes the gesture of arrest]  No, Sir.  Providence has
acted pretty mean, loading off that baby on him.  [He makes the
motion of dandling]  The little man has a heart of gold.  [He points
to his heart, and takes out a gold coin.]

OFFICIAL.  [Thinking he is about to be bribed] 'Aber, das ist zu
viel'!

AMERICAN.  Now, don't rattle me!  [Pointing to the LITTLE MAN]  Man
[Pointing to his heart] 'Herz' [Pointing to the coin] 'von' Gold.
This is a flower of the field--he don't want no gentleman in buttons
to pluck him up.

     [A little crowd is gathering, including the Two ENGLISH, the
     GERMAN, and the DUTCH YOUTH.]

OFFICIAL.  'Verstehe absolut nichts'.  [He taps the telegram] 'Ich muss
mein' duty do.

AMERICAN.  But I'm telling you.  This is a white man.  This is
probably the whitest man on Gawd's earth.

OFFICIAL.  'Das macht nichts'--gut or no gut, I muss mein duty do.
[He turns to go toward the LITTLE MAN.]

AMERICAN.  Oh!  Very well, arrest him; do your duty.  This baby has
typhus.

     [At the word "typhus" the OFFICIAL stops.]

AMERICAN.  [Making gestures]  First-class typhus, black typhus,
schwarzen typhus.  Now you have it.  I'm kind o' sorry for you and
the gentleman in buttons.  Do your duty!

OFFICIAL.  Typhus?  Der Bub--die baby hat typhus?

AMERICAN.  I'm telling you.

OFFICIAL.  Gott im Himmel!

AMERICAN.  [Spotting the GERMAN in the little throng]  here's a
gentleman will corroborate me.

OFFICIAL.  [Much disturbed, and signing to the POLICEMAN to stand
clear]  Typhus!  'Aber das ist grasslich'!

AMERICAN.  I kind o' thought you'd feel like that.

OFFICIAL.  'Die Sanitatsmachine!  Gleich'!

     [A PORTER goes to get it.  From either side the broken half-moon
     of persons stand gazing at the LITTLE MAN, who sits unhappily
     dandling the BABY in the centre.]

OFFICIAL.  [Raising his hands] 'Was zu thun'?

AMERICAN.  Guess you'd better isolate the baby.

     [A silence, during which the LITTLE MAN is heard faintly
     whistling and clucking to the BABY.]

OFFICIAL.  [Referring once more to his telegram]

"'Rest gentleman mit black baby." [Shaking his head]  Wir must de
gentleman hold.  [To the GERMAN] 'Bitte, mein Herr, sagen Sie ihm,
den Buben zu niedersetzen'.  [He makes the gesture of deposit.]

GERMAN.  [To the LITTLE MAN]  He say: Put down the baby.

     [The LITTLE MAN shakes his head, and continues to dandle the
     BABY.]

OFFICIAL.  You must.

     [The LITTLE MAN glowers, in silence.]

ENGLISHMAN.  [In background--muttering]  Good man!

GERMAN.  His spirit ever denies.

OFFICIAL.  [Again making his gesture] 'Aber er muss'!

     [The LITTLE MAN makes a face at him.]

'Sag' Ihm': Instantly put down baby, and komm' mit us.

     [The BABY wails.]

LITTLE MAN.  Leave the poor ill baby here alone?  Be--be--be d---d to
you!

AMERICAN.  [Jumping on to a trunk--with enthusiasm]  Bully!

     [The ENGLISH clap their hands; the DUTCH YOUTH laughs.  The
     OFFICIAL is muttering, greatly incensed.]

AMERICAN.  What does that body-snatcher say?

GERMAN.  He say this man use the baby to save himself from arrest.
Very smart he say.

AMERICAN.  I judge you do him an injustice.  [Showing off the LITTLE
MAN with a sweep of his arm.]  This is a white man.  He's got a black
baby, and he won' leave it in the lurch.  Guess we would all act
noble that way, give us the chance.

     [The LITTLE MAN rises, holding out the BABY, and advances a step
     or two.  The half-moon at once gives, increasing its size; the
     AMERICAN climbs on to a higher trunk.  The LITTLE MAN retires
     and again sits down.]

AMERICAN.  [Addressing the OFFICIAL]  Guess you'd better go out of
business and wait for the mother.

OFFICIAL.  [Stamping his foot]  Die Mutter sall 'rested be for taking
out baby mit typhus.  Ha!  [To the LITTLE MAN]  Put ze baby down!

     [The LITTLE MAN smiles.]

Do you 'ear?

AMERICAN.  [Addressing the OFFICIAL]  Now, see here.  'Pears to me
you don't suspicion just how beautiful this is.  Here we have a man
giving his life for that old baby that's got no claim on him.  This
is not a baby of his own making.  No, sir, this is a very Christ-like
proposition in the gentleman.

OFFICIAL.  Put ze baby down, or ich will goummand someone it to do.

AMERICAN.  That will be very interesting to watch.

OFFICIAL.  [To POLICEMAN]  Dake it vrom him.

     [The POLICEMAN mutters, but does not.]

AMERICAN.  [To the German]  Guess I lost that.

GERMAN.  He say he is not his officier.

AMERICAN.  That just tickles me to death.

OFFICIAL.  [Looking round]  Vill nobody dake ze Bub'?

ENGLISHWOMAN.  [Moving a step faintly]  Yes--I----

ENGLISHMAN.  [Grasping her arm].  By Jove!  Will you!

OFFICIAL.  [Gathering himself for a great effort to take the BABY,
and advancing two steps]  Zen I goummand you--[He stops and his voice
dies away]  Zit dere!

AMERICAN.  My!  That's wonderful.  What a man this is!  What a
sublime sense of duty!

     [The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.  The OFFICIAL turns on him, but as he
     does so the MOTHER of the Busy is seen hurrying.]

MOTHER.  'Ach!  Ach!  Mei' Bubi'!

     [Her face is illumined; she is about to rush to the LITTLE MAN.]

OFFICIAL.  [To the POLICEMAN]  'Nimm die Frau'!

     [The POLICEMAN catches hold of the WOMAN.]

OFFICIAL.  [To the frightened WOMAN] 'Warum haben Sie einen Buben mit
Typhus mit ausgebracht'?

AMERICAN.  [Eagerly, from his perch]  What was that?  I don't want to
miss any.

GERMAN.  He say: Why did you a baby with typhus with you bring out?

AMERICAN.  Well, that's quite a question.

     [He takes out the field-glasses slung around him and adjusts
     them on the BABY.]

MOTHER.  [Bewildered] Mei' Bubi--Typhus--aber Typhus?  [She shakes
her head violently]  'Nein, nein, nein!  Typhus'!

OFFICIAL.  Er hat Typhus.

MOTHER.  [Shaking her head]  'Nein, nein, nein'!

AMERICAN.  [Looking through his glasses]  Guess she's kind of right!
I judge the typhus is where the baby' slobbered on the shawl, and
it's come off on him.

     [The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.]

OFFICIAL.  [Turning on him furiously]  Er hat Typhus.

AMERICAN.  Now, that's where you slop over.  Come right here.

     [The OFFICIAL mounts, and looks through the glasses.]

AMERICAN.  [To the LITTLE MAN]  Skin out the baby's leg.  If we don't
locate spots on that, it'll be good enough for me.

     [The LITTLE MAN fumbles Out the BABY'S little white foot.]

MOTHER.  Mei' Bubi!  [She tries to break away.]

AMERICAN.  White as a banana.  [To the OFFICIAL--affably]  Guess
you've made kind of a fool of us with your old typhus.

OFFICIAL.  Lass die Frau!

     [The POLICEMAN lets her go, and she rushes to her BABY.]

MOTHER.  Mei' Bubi!

     [The BABY, exchanging the warmth of the LITTLE MAN for the
     momentary chill of its MOTHER, wails.]

OFFICIAL.  [Descending and beckoning to the POLICEMAN] 'Sie wollen
den Herrn accusiren'?

     [The POLICEMAN takes the LITTLE MAN's arm.]

AMERICAN.  What's that?  They goin' to pitch him after all?

     [The MOTHER, still hugging her BABY, who has stopped crying,
     gazes at the LITTLE MAN, who sits dazedly looking up.  Suddenly
     she drops on her knees, and with her free hand lifts his booted
     foot and kisses it.]

AMERICAN.  [Waving his hat]  Ra!  Ra!  [He descends swiftly, goes up
to the LITTLE MAN, whose arm the POLICEMAN has dropped, and takes his
hand]  Brother; I am proud to know you.  This is one of the greatest
moments I have ever experienced.  [Displaying the LITTLE MAN to the
assembled company]  I think I sense the situation when I say that we
all esteem it an honour to breathe the rather inferior atmosphere of
this station here Along with our little friend.  I guess we shall all
go home and treasure the memory of his face as the whitest thing in
our museum of recollections.  And perhaps this good woman will also
go home and wash the face of our little brother here.  I am inspired
with a new faith in mankind.  Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to present
to you a sure-enough saint--only wants a halo, to be transfigured.
[To the LITTLE MAN]  Stand right up.

     [The LITTLE MAN stands up bewildered.  They come about him.  The
     OFFICIAL bows to him, the POLICEMAN salutes him.  The DUTCH
     YOUTH shakes his head and laughs.  The GERMAN draws himself up
     very straight, and bows quickly twice.  The ENGLISHMAN and his
     WIFE approach at least two steps, then, thinking better of it,
     turn to each other and recede.  The MOTHER kisses his hand.  The
     PORTER returning with the Sanitatsmachine, turns it on from
     behind, and its pinkish shower, goldened by a ray of sunlight,
     falls around the LITTLE MAN's head, transfiguring it as he
     stands with eyes upraised to see whence the portent comes.]

AMERICAN.  [Rushing forward and dropping on his knees]  Hold on just
a minute!  Guess I'll take a snapshot of the miracle.  [He adjusts
his pocket camera]  This ought to look bully!


CURTAIN






 End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Little Man (Six Short Plays)
 by John Galsworthy

 *** 