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A PRELIMINARY STUDY OF THE EMOTION OF LOVE BETWEEN THE SEXES.[1]

By SANFORD BELL, Fellow in Clark University.


The emotion of love between the sexes has as yet received no thorough
scientific treatment. No writer so far as I can find has treated it
from a genetic standpoint. The literature upon the subject is
therefore meager. In his recent treatise upon "The Psychology of the
Emotions," Ribot[2] remarks: "The sex-instinct, the last in
chronological order with man and the higher animals, gives rise to
the emotion of love with its numerous individual varieties. Most
psychologists have been very sparing of details where it is
concerned, and one might mention certain voluminous treatises which
contain no mention of it. Is this through exaggerated delicacy? Or is
it because the authors think that their place has been usurped by the
novelists who have so obstinately confined themselves to the study of
this passion? But the novelist's mode of analysis is different from
the psychological mode, and does not exclude it." This author then
devotes one chapter of eleven pages to the treatment of the sexual
instinct, which includes what he has to say upon sex-love. Brief as
this treatment is, it is valuable, both for the facts it presents and
for the problems it suggests. Havelock Ellis, who has perhaps done
more than any other investigator in the field of the normal
Psychology of Sex says in his most recent work:[3] "It is a very
remarkable fact that although for many years past serious attempts
have been made to elucidate the psychology of sexual perversions,
little or no endeavor has been made to study the psychologic
development of the normal sexual emotions. Nearly every writer seems
either to take for granted that he and his readers are so familiar
with all the facts of normal sex psychology that any detailed
statement is altogether uncalled for, or else he is content to write
a few introductory phrases, mostly made up from anatomic, philosophic
and historical work.

"Yet it is unreasonable to take normal phenomena for granted here as
in any other region of medicine. A knowledge of such phenomena is as
necessary here as physiology is to pathology or anatomy to surgery.
So far from the facts of normal sex development, sex emotions and sex
needs being uniform and constant, as is assumed by those who consider
their discussion unnecessary, the range of variation within fairly
normal limits is immense, and it is impossible to meet with two
individuals whose records are nearly identical.

"There are two fundamental reasons why the endeavor should be made to
obtain a broad basis of clear information on the subject. In the
first place, the normal phenomena give the key to the abnormal, and
the majority of sexual perversions, including even those that are
most repulsive, are but exaggerations of instincts and emotions that
are germinal in normal human beings. In the second place, what is
normal cannot be determined until the sexual life of a large number
of healthy individuals is known, and until the limits of normal
sexuality are known the physician is not in a position to lay down
any reasonable rules of sexual hygiene."

Although very short, the analysis of the sex passions in adults by
Herbert Spencer[4] in a part of one section in his "Principles of
Psychology," is one of the best. Bain[5] devotes one chapter to the
Tender Emotion which he makes include Sex-love, the parental
feelings, the benevolent affection, gratitude, sorrow, admiration and
esteem. A very few pages are given to sex-love proper. Very
suggestive paragraphs bearing either directly or indirectly upon the
subject are to be found in the works of such writers as Moll, Sergi,
Mantegazza, James, Janet, Delboeuf, Fere, Boveri, Kiernan, Hartmann,
Dessoir, Fincke and others. There is a vast amount of literature upon
the pathological phases of the subject which is to be considered in
another chapter.

The analyses thus far given by scientists are limited to the emotion
as it is manifested in the adult. A few writers have referred to it
in dealing with the psychology of adolescence, but in this connection
refer to it as one of the many ways in which the adolescent spirit
shows its intensity, turbulence and capriciousness. I know of no
scientist who has given a careful analysis of the emotion as it is
seen in the adolescent. It is true that it has been the chosen theme
of the poet, romancer and novelist. But in the products of such
writers we may look for artistic descriptions of the emotion and for
scenes and incidents that very truly portray its nature; we have no
right to expect a scientific analysis.

Adults need only to recall their own youth or to observe even briefly
our grammar and high school boys and girls, to be convinced that love
between the sexes is one of the emotions that become conspicuously
apparent in early adolescence. This is what might reasonably be
expected since the emotion is derived from the sex instinct, and
pubescence marks the period of rapid acceleration in the growth of
the sex organs. With the increase in size and vigor of the
reproductive organs there comes the strong impulse for the organs to
function. Before civilization developed the system of sex inhibitions
that are considered an essential part of the ethical habits of our
young people, the impulse to function was not repressed and
pubescence marked the beginning of the distinctively sexual
experience of both sexes. This was true of primitive peoples, and is
generally true of the lower races that are living to-day. It is,
however, not limited to these races. A very large percentage of both
sexes of the civilized races begin their sexual life during early
adolescence. This is particularly true of the male half of the races.
The system of sex inhibitions which has gradually been developed by
civilization has been along the line of evolution and has been doing
away with promiscuity, polygamy and polyandry; it has been
establishing monogamy and postponing marriage until a period of
greater physiological and psychological maturity of both sexes. This
same inhibition of early sex functioning has lead to an increase in
the prevalence of such substitutes as masturbation, onanism,
pederasty, etc. Such facts bear upon the physiological results of
inhibition. On the psychological side are to be mentioned courtship
and those sex irradiations that have so profoundly influenced art,
literature, religion, polite society, sports and industry. Many of
the pathological sex psychoses, such as love for the same sex,
erotopathia, sexual anaesthesia, etc., are to be explained, at least
in part, by reference to the results of these social inhibitions
trying to establish themselves.

The emotion of sex-love, so plainly traceable to the reproductive
instinct, has its evolution in each normal individual. It develops
through various stages as do other instincts. It does not make its
appearance for the first time at the period of adolescence, as has
been thought. Extended and varied experience in the public schools
has furnished me with very favorable opportunities for making
observations upon children who were allowed to mix freely regardless
of sex. Most of the observations were made in schools which, with
very few exceptions, had outdoor recesses during which the plays and
games brought both sexes together under no restraint other than the
ordinary social ones with perhaps some modifications by the
particular regimen of the school concerned. The observations relative
to the subject of love between the sexes were begun fifteen years
ago. The first observations were made incidentally and consisted
mainly of those love affairs between children, that needed my
attention as one officially concerned. However, many were
unquestionably innocent and harmless. My observations have not been
limited to children under school conditions. About one-third of the
number of cases which I have personally observed have been concerning
children who were under the ordinary social or industrial conditions.
During the past fifteen years, from time to time, I have collected as
many as eight hundred cases observed by myself. In addition to these
I have seventeen hundred cases as returns from a syllabus which I
circulated among the students in my pedagogy and psychology classes
at the Northern Indiana Normal School, at Valparaiso, Ind., in 1896.
The syllabus is as follows:

I. _Love between children of about the same age and of opposite sex._
Give as completely as you can the details of any such cases you know
of; age of each child; length of time the love continued; whether it
was mutual; what broke it up; any signs of jealousy; any
_expressions_ of love such as confessions, caresses, gifts, etc.; any
ideas of marriage; actions in presence of each other free or shy,
when alone, when in the presence of others; any tendency of either
child to withhold demonstrations and be satisfied to love at a
distance; any other details you may have noticed.

II. _Love between children and those of opposite sex who are much
older._ Give complete details on such points as indicated in I, with
whatever differences the disparity in age would naturally make.

III. Give fully, frankly, and as accurately as you can the details of
your own childish love affairs.

IV. Give your name (this may be left blank), age, and sex.

360 people reported more than 1,700 cases. With few exceptions those
who reported had had experience in teaching. 355 gave accounts of
their own childish love affairs. The other five stated that they did
not recall any such experience in their own lives. The 1,700 cases
include the confessions. Added to the 800 cases of my own collection
there are in all more than 2,500 cases that form the basis of this
study.

It will be seen that the syllabus calls for data of three kinds,
viz., concerning (1) observed love between children of opposite sex
about the same in age, (2) observed love between persons of opposite
sex with disparity in ages, (3) personal confessions. The first two
kinds of data were obtained by the objective method, while the last
is obtained through retrospection. Having both observations and
confessions many errors that could not otherwise be detected are
eliminated since the two classes of material act, to a degree, as
mutual controls. Each kind of data according to the first named
classification has its particular virtue. The confessions (1) exhibit
the continuity in the development of the emotion during the life-span
of the individual as he sees it himself (enough cases (355) were
given to make a reasonable allowance for individual variations); (2)
they indicate the general prevalence of the emotion during childhood;
(3) they reinforce observation in the same way that introspection
always reinforces the objective method of study. In estimating the
value of these confessions one must be mindful of the common defect
of most auto-biographical statements, viz., that they are influenced
by the almost irresistible tendency to write about one's self in a
literary way and so touch plain facts as to make them less prosaic.
The observations help us in eliminating this element of error. The
data concerning the love that children have for adults of the
opposite sex throw valuable light upon the nature of jealousy in
children as it is much accentuated in these cases. They also show the
effect of forcing the development of an emotion by a stimulus that is
chronologically prior to the normal period of development. In the
cases showing the love of the adult for a child are revealed facts
bearing upon some forms of sexual perversion. In these cases the
child is used as a means of escape for suppressed love. Love that
normally should go out to an adult, is through some real or supposed
necessity suppressed until it finally seeks quiescence through
discharge upon a child or pet animal. This is not infrequent among
women whose relatively passive role decreed by nature in love affairs
has been exaggerated by society. The observations concerning love
between children of opposite sex and about the same age aid us in
determining the phase of the emotion's development that normally
belongs to any given period of life; _i. e._, there are many
observations upon children who are five years old, or six, seven,
eight, nine, etc., respectively, and these reveal the nature of the
emotion that normally belongs to those years. The various kinds of
observations extend over the entire periods of infancy, childhood,
and into adolescence, and are very well distributed in number among
the years of these periods, although more cases were reported for the
years 4 to 8, and 12 to 15, both inclusive, than for the years of the
period between 8 and 12. The reason for this becomes clearly apparent
later.

Analysis of the data contained in all of this material reveals the
fact that the emotion of sex-love may appear in the life of the child
as early as the middle of the third year. From its appearance at this
early age it can be traced in its development through five more or
less well marked stages whose time limits are as follows: the first
stage extending, as a rule, from the age of three years to the age of
eight years; the second from eight to fourteen; the third from
fourteen to maturity at about twenty-two in women and twenty-six in
men; the fourth from maturity to senescence, whose limits vary
widely; the fifth extending through senescence. Not every individual
passes through all five stages. Individual differences also keep the
time limits of the stages from being exact.


CHARACTERISTICS OF THE FIRST STAGE.

The presence of the emotion in children between three and eight years
of age is shown by such action as the following: hugging, kissing,
lifting each other, scuffling, sitting close to each other;
confessions to each other and to others, talking about each other
when apart; seeking each other and excluding others, grief at being
separated; giving of gifts, extending courtesies to each other that
are withheld from others, making sacrifices such as giving up desired
things or foregoing pleasures; jealousies, etc. The unprejudiced mind
in observing these manifestations in hundreds of couples of children
cannot escape referring them to sex origin. The most exacting mind is
satisfied when to these observations are added the confessions of
those who have, as children, experienced the emotion to a marked
degree of intensity, and whose memories of childhood are relatively
distinct. We are prone to refer many of the manifestations enumerated
to imitation. Imitation can account in part for the _form_ in which
the emotion shows itself, whose _presence_ is established by the
accumulation of a vast amount of evidence. Imitation plays an
important role in the development of the sex instinct, and love
between the sexes as one of this instinct's derivatives, as it does
with the development of most other instincts. It would be no more
satisfactory to account for these manifestations by referring them to
imitation than it would to account for the love for dolls, the
instinct of hunting, the interest in "playing house" by reference to
the same cause. When we observe in young puppies, shoats, squirrels,
seals, grouse, partridges, field-sparrows, starlings, wood-larks,
water-wagtails, goldfinches, etc., actions corresponding to these
which I have mentioned in children, we have no hesitancy in referring
them to the sex instinct for explanation.

So far as the observations given to me by others are concerned, with
very few exceptions, they all report hugging, kissing and other means
of affecting physical contact, as being indulged in by the child
lovers. This is largely due to the fact that the observers took these
actions as the main ones that indicate the presence of the emotion
and reported no cases in which they did not occur. My own
observations and some of the confessions show that although some form
of embrace is general, it is not always present. Through all of the
stages of the emotion's development the embrace in some of its forms
is the most general means of its expression. A quotation from
Groos[6] in this connection is deemed appropriate. In speaking of
natural courtship he says: "But a scientific system of natural
courtship of the various human races does not exist; nor, indeed,
have we systematic observations of any one people. It is, therefore,
impossible to affirm whether there are such things as instinctive
gestures, expressions, caresses, etc., which all human beings
recognize as sexual stimuli. From the little that is known it seems
probable that the number of such tokens is not great,--even the kiss
is by no means general! We can only be sure of a universal tendency
to approach and to touch one another, and of a disposition to self
exhibition and coquetry as probably instinctive and of the special
forms which these tendencies take under the influence of imitation
and tradition as secondary causes. Caressing contact may then be
regarded as play when it is an end in itself, which is possible under
two conditions. First, when the pursuance of the instinctive
movements to their legitimate end is prevented by incapacity or
ignorance; and, second, when it is prevented by an act of the will on
part of the participants. Children exhibit the first case, adults
often enough the second. It is generally known that children are
frequently very early susceptible to sexual excitement, and show a
desire for contact with others as well as an enjoyment of it, without
having the least suspicion of its meaning." In the cases in which I
have recorded lifting each other as indicating sex-love, it was
unmistakably apparent that the lifting was not a trial of strength
but an indulgence in the pleasures of bodily contact, as was also
true of the scuffling. In few, if in any of the cases which I have
observed upon children of eight, have the participants been conscious
of the meaning of their actions, although I have sometimes seen them
attended by great sexual excitement. Schaeffer[7] believes that "the
fundamental impulse of sexual life for the utmost intensive and
extensive contact, with a more or less clearly defined idea of
conquest underlying it," plays a conspicuous part in the ring
fighting of belligerent boys. Bain[8] attaches very great importance
to the element of physical contact in sex-love. He says: "In
considering the genesis of tender emotion, in any or all of its
modes, I am inclined to put great stress upon the sensation of animal
contact, or the pleasure of the embrace, a circumstance not adverted
to by Mr. Spencer. Many facts may be adduced as showing this to be a
very intense susceptibility, as well as a starting point of
associations. (1) Touch is the fundamental and generic sense, the
first born of sensibility, from which, in the view of evolution, all
others take their rise. (2) Even after the remaining senses are
differentiated, the primary sense continues to be a leading
susceptibility of the mind. The soft, warm touch, if not a
first-class influence, is at least an approach to that. The combined
power of soft contact and warmth amounts to a considerable pitch of
massive pleasure; while there may be subtle influences not reducible
to these two heads, such as we term, from not knowing anything about
them, magnetic or electric. The sort of thrill from taking a baby in
arms is something beyond mere warm touch; and it may rise to the
ecstatic height, in which case, however, there may be concurring
sensations and ideas. Between male and female the sexual appetite is
aroused. A predisposed affection through other means, makes the
contact thrilling. (3) The strong fact that cannot be explained away
is, that under tender feeling there is a craving for the embrace.
Between the sexes there is the deeper appetite; while in mere tender
emotion, not sexual, there is nothing but the sense of touch to
gratify unless we assume the occult magnetic influences. As anger is
consummated, reaches a satisfactory term, by knocking some one down,
love is completed and satisfied with an embrace. This would seem to
show that the love emotion, while fed by sights and sounds, and even
by odors, reaches its climax in touch; and, if so, it must be more
completely identified with this sensibility than with any other. In a
word, our love pleasures begin and end in sensual contact. Touch is
both the alpha and omega of affection. As the terminal and satisfying
sensation, the _ne plus ultra_, it must be a pleasure of the highest
degree." While it is the contact through the sense of touch that acts
both as the most natural and most complete expression of love between
the sexes and a powerful sexual excitant, there is a contact of the
eyes of adolescent and adult lovers,--a sort of embrace by means of
the eyes--that is as exciting to many as contact through touch.

The pleasure derived from hugging and kissing, etc., in children who
have the emotion in this first stage of its development, is not
specifically sexual except in some cases which I am inclined to
consider as precocious. Normally, there appears to be no erethism of
the sexual organs during the process of love-making. But erethism, as
we shall see in another chapter upon the analysis of the sex impulse,
is not confined to the sexual organs, but is distributed throughout
the entire body, especially through the vascular and nervous systems.
In these children there is a state of exaltation, indeed as yet not
comparable in intensity to that of the adolescent or adult, which is,
nevertheless, erethistic in its nature. It is massive, vague, and
generally distributed throughout the body. In some cases there is
specific sexual excitement with erections of the penis and hyperaemia
of the female genitalia. Such phenomena are seen only in the cases
that seem to me to be precocious. This point will be more fully
treated in the chapter referred to above. Suffice it to say here that
in love between the sexes at this early period or in the next
following, the physical sensations of sexual excitement are generally
wholly wanting, or if present are entirely unlocated. Love between
children of the opposite sex bears much the same relation to that
between adults as the flower does to the fruit, and has about as
little of physical sexuality in it as an apple-blossom has of the
apple that develops from it.

The love demonstrations of children in the first stage of the
emotion's development are generally spontaneous, profuse, and
unrestrained. There is an absence of shyness, of any sense of shame,
of the feeling of self-consciousness. The children have as yet no
notion of the meaning of sex. Their naivete in this regard has not
been destroyed by the social suggestion that such actions are wrong
and vulgar. They are natively happy and free in their ignorance. The
individual differences among children are as great in their
experiencing and manifesting this emotion as they are in any other
phase of life, so not infrequently we find children under eight years
of age who are shy, repressive and self-conscious in regard to their
love actions. The same children are shy and repressive in other
things. It is more of a general disposition than a specific attitude
toward this one emotion.

The giving of gifts and the sharing of choice possessions is very
common. The emotion in its earliest form introduces the element of
self-sacrifice for the loved one that is inseparable from the emotion
in all of its normal stages of development. It likewise introduces
the intense selfishness that comes from the desire to monopolize the
allegiance of the one loved. An only child, who as a rule is very
selfish and will not share any of his possessions with others,
readily gives up a liberal part to the lover. During the earlier
years of this stage the gift is appreciated for its inherent value;
it is good to eat, or pretty to look at, or has some other real
value. This inherent value continues to be an element of appreciation
in lovers's gifts throughout life. It is given by the lover as an
expression of his love, and so received and prized by the sweetheart.
Everything else being equal, the greater the real value the more
satisfactory is the love expression to both. In the 6th and 7th years
there appears unmistakable evidence of acquired value in the
presents. They become of value because the lover gave them and, on
account of their associations, are preserved as keepsakes. As early
as the 6th and 7th years presents are taken from their places of safe
keeping or where they are on exhibition as ornaments, and kissed and
fondled as expressions of love for the absent giver. This is
interesting as evidence of love-fetichism appearing in early
childhood.

The emotion otherwise affects the moods and disposition of children.
Refractory children, whose parents manage them with difficulty,
become docile and amiable under the influence of the sweetheart or
lover. Boys who, at other times, are cowards will fight with vigor
and courage when their love is concerned. Children that have a
sociable disposition sometimes become exclusive and abandon all other
playmates for the chosen one, and cannot be induced to play with any
one else. Ideas of marriage are often present, but they are vague and
are present through social suggestion. The general attitude is
represented by the testimony of one woman who stated that she had no
definite idea of marriage at the time of her earliest childish love
affair, but that she had a vague feeling that she and her little
lover would always be together, and this feeling was a source of
pleasure. Certainly children under eight have little foresight; they
are chiefly absorbed in the present whose engrossing emotions give no
premonition that they will ever change.

Beauty begins to be a factor in the choice of a sweetheart among the
children in this first stage. The most beautiful, charming, and
attractive little girls are the ones who are favored. This element
becomes much more conspicuous in the later stages. Jealousy is
present from the first. It is more pronounced in the cases of love
between children and adults of the opposite sex on account of the
child's being less able to monopolize the attention of the adult and
on account of the precocity of the child concerned in such cases. A
fuller discussion of jealousy belongs in another section of this
study.


TYPICAL CASES.

    Case 1. Boy 3, girl 5. Love is mutual. When in a large company of
    children they will always separate themselves from the others and
    play together. Never tire of telling each other of their love.
    Delight in kissing and embracing, and do not care who sees them.

    Case 2. B. 5, g. 4. Began at ages given and still continues, two
    years having gone. Are often seen hand-in-hand; are very jealous
    of each other. Boy more backward than girl. Will not play with
    other children when they can be together.

    Case 3. B. 3, g. 3-1/2. Have been deeply in love since their
    third week in kindergarten. Rose not so jealous as Russel. She
    always watches for his coming, and runs to meet him the moment he
    enters the room. They sit together at the table and in the
    circle, and cry if separated. They are very free and unrestrained
    in showing their love by kissing, hugging, and by many little
    attentions.

    Case 4. B. 3, g. 3. My little nephew of three and a little
    neighbor girl of the same age had a most affectionate love for
    each other, and were not at all shy about it. They would kiss
    each other when they met, and seemed to think it all right. The
    little boy used to tell me that they would marry when grown. This
    continued about two and a half years; then the girl's parents
    moved away, much to the grief of both children. The little boy
    would often climb up and take the girl's photograph from the
    mantle and kiss it.

    Case 5. B. 3, g. 3. My nephew of three manifested an ardent
    passion for a small girl of about the same age. He followed her
    about with dog-like persistence. Being an only child he was very
    selfish, never sharing anything with other children. But Bessie
    became the recipient of all his playthings. His hoard of
    treasures was laid at her feet. Nothing was good enough for her,
    nor could he be dressed fine enough when she was around. On one
    occasion, a large boy picked Bessie up to fondle her, whereupon
    her jealous lover seized a hatchet and attacked his rival. He
    imperiously demanded a dollar from me one day in order that he
    might buy Bessie and have her 'all for his own.' He is now six,
    and loves her as much as ever.

    Case 6. I know of two young people who have been lovers since
    babyhood. As they grew up their love for each other assumed
    different aspects. During the first seven years of their lives
    their love was open and frank, showing no restriction of the
    regard they felt. Caresses and embraces were indulged in as
    freely and unrestrictedly as might have been between two little
    girls. But when school life began and they became exposed to the
    twits and teasings of their playmates there developed a shy
    timidity and reserve when in the presence of others. Though they
    have been separated for long periods at different times their
    love has continued.

    Case 7. Both about five years old when they first showed signs of
    love that I observed. May have begun earlier. Lasted four years.
    Broken up by girl's parents moving away. Love was mutual without
    any signs of jealousy that I could see. Exchanged gifts, such as
    candy, nuts, flowers, etc. Their actions at first very free
    either when alone or in the presence of others. Later they became
    somewhat shy in the presence of others, but free when alone. Upon
    the girl's moving away the boy showed very deep feeling of
    sorrow. Do not know about the girl.

    Case 8. My little brother at the age of four was very much in
    love with a little girl two years of age. He used to lead the
    little girl around, caress her tenderly, and talk lovingly to
    her. He always divided with her the playthings he most
    appreciated. He often said he expected to marry her. While the
    little girl did not object to his demonstrations, she seemed to
    care more for a young man thirty-three years of age, and called
    him her sweetheart. The little boy became jealous, and finally
    gave her up. After they entered school together the little girl
    became very fond of my brother, and always managed to sit or
    stand next to him in the class if possible, but he had lost all
    interest in her, and never cared for her again.

    Case 9. B. 6, g. 5. They had been lovers for about two years.
    They did not get to be together often since they lived in
    different towns. Their families were relatives and exchanged
    visits. Upon one occasion when of the age indicated above they
    met at the home of Jeaness's grandfather. Edgar came late.
    Jeaness was seated upon a hassock in the parlor where there were
    several guests. Upon Edgar's entering the door, she saw him and,
    as her little face beamed with evident delight, she arose and met
    him in the middle of the room. They were immediately in each
    others arms. Edgar's mother, seeing the vigor with which he was
    hugging Jeaness, said to him with concern: "Why, Edgar, you will
    hurt Jeaness." Jeaness, who evidently was better able to judge,
    archly turned her head and with a smile that meant much, said:
    "No, he won't."

    Case 10. B. 2, g. 2. One afternoon last summer two of my little
    cousins, Florence twenty-three months old and Harold two years
    old, were spending the day at my home. They had never met until
    that day. Florence is an only child and is inclined to have her
    own way, and isn't willing to give up to other children. Harold
    has rather a sunny disposition. They had not been with each other
    more than an hour before they were sitting on the porch and
    Florence had her arms around Harold. She was very willing to give
    up to him and share all she had. They played together the
    remainder of the day, and were very affectionate. Ever since then
    they have been very devoted to each other, and it is very
    beautiful to watch them in all their little ways of indicating
    their love for each other.

    Case 11. I attended a wedding last June which was the outcome of
    a striking illustration of this love. I will tell the story as
    the bride's mother told it to me. "This does not seem like a
    marriage to me but just one more step in a friendship which began
    when Minnie and Theo were babies. Before either could walk they
    would sit on the floor and play with each other--never having any
    trouble over playthings, but sharing everything alike. Theo would
    break bits of cake and put in Minnie's mouth, and then both would
    laugh as though it were a great joke. If they were separated both
    would cry. As they grew up the friendship grew stronger, and Theo
    always called Minnie his 'little wife.' At school they were
    always lovers, and when we moved here it was understood that when
    Minnie was twenty-one Theo should come for her. During their
    entire lives I do not know of a single quarrel between them."

    Case 12. One bright morning I noticed a little boy sitting in
    front of me who had not been there before. He turned around
    occasionally to look at me, and presently smiled. Of course I
    returned the smile, thinking that he was the sweetest little
    fellow that I had ever seen. This was the beginning of a love
    that lasted for several years. He was six, and I was the same
    age. On the next day he brought me a pretty picture, and after
    that paid so much attention to me that he was soon acknowledged
    to be my lover. Neither of us was the least bit shy over it. He
    did not care to play with the other boys and I did not care to
    play with the girls. We were not contented unless we were
    together. He freely confessed his love to me and confided all of
    his joys and sorrows in me. For three years and more he seemed to
    care as much for me as I did for him. When he came to our home to
    play with my brothers he usually forgot them and played with me.
    At dinner mamma always seated us side-by-side. We planned our
    marriage; his father who was a minister was to perform the
    ceremony. We discussed wedding dresses, bridesmaids and
    breakfasts with great seriousness. One day,--the fatal one to my
    childish happiness, a new girl came to school. I could not help
    noticing how often his eyes turned from me to her, and feared a
    rival from the first. He wanted her to play with us, and although
    I far rather would have preferred being alone with him, I hid my
    feelings and asked her. I tried to treat her kindly because I
    knew that it would please him. One day he asked me with great
    hesitation if I objected to his having two sweethearts. I
    smothered my jealous feelings and replied that I did not if he
    would marry _me_. He told me that he would, that he loved me,--in
    a way that was a compensation for my sacrifice. For some time the
    other girl and I got along very well as sister sweethearts; but I
    soon saw that she was receiving all of the caresses, and I
    concluded that I would not have it so. We had an interview. He
    said that he still loved me, but he gave me plainly to understand
    that he would be pleased to have me withdraw. Of course I did so,
    but was determined never to let either of them know that I cared.
    After a time they grew tired of each other, and he came to ask my
    forgiveness and make up, but by that time I had an older and as I
    thought better sweetheart; so he was left to repent his rash
    action while sweetheart number two captured some one else more
    suited to her taste.


CHARACTERISTICS OF THE SECOND STAGE.

The second stage in the development of the emotion of sex-love
extends in time from the eighth year to about the twelfth year in
girls and to the fourteenth year in boys. It is characterized by the
appearance of shyness, of modesty, especially in girls, of
self-consciousness and consequent efforts toward self-repression; by
the inhibition of the spontaneous, impulsive love-demonstrations so
freely indulged in during the previous stage. The boys are more
secretive than the girls, but the tendency to conceal the love is
present in both. This is the reason why fewer returns came for the
years eight to twelve than for the years before and after this
period. The children were to a degree successful in hiding their love
and so passed unobserved. To the observer who does not depend upon
the more demonstrative signs but who sees the less obvious but
equally indicative ones, the emotion is easily detected. There is a
conspicuous absence of pairing. The lover and sweetheart are not
often seen alone together. On the other hand, they are much confused
and embarrassed when circumstances do bring them into each other's
presence. Mutual confessions are seldom made,--at least, not
directly, face to face. Some confess to friends, but this is usually
done very reluctantly. Some confess through notes delivered by
friends, or passed in some secret way; some reveal it by defending
the sweetheart when she is being "talked about," in many of which
cases boys fight most spiritedly for the honor of the one they love.
Some never confess,--neither to friends nor to lover. Some boys deny
that they are in love and speak slightingly about their sweetheart,
but afterwards confess. Then there are the revelations through gifts
that are nearly always delivered in some secret manner, in many
instances of which the giver leaves no clue that would reveal his
identity; in other instances cards or notes are left, but it is rare
to find lovers in this stage giving gifts face to face. Another
indication that will not escape the close observer and which the
confessions especially reveal, is that of the boy lover off at a
distance, "feasting his eyes" upon every movement of his "girl" who
may know absolutely nothing about his devotion. He may be seen
following her about the playground or along the street, always,
however, at a safe distance. Although modesty shows itself as a
characteristic trait of the girl even at this early age, she is on
the whole more aggressive in these early love affairs than the boy
and less guarded about revealing her secret. However, the impulse to
conceal the emotion,--to inhibit its direct manifestations--is
fundamental to this stage of the emotion's development in both sexes
and is, as we shall see later, of the deepest significance.

As in every other field of investigation, so here, we find that not
all of the facts conform to our classification. Thus occasionally
couples between eight and twelve or fourteen years of age are found
who enjoy each other's company and so pair off and freely express
their feelings as they do in the previous stage and also in the one
that follows. The boys of these couples are generally those of
effeminate tendencies who have been accustomed to play with girls
instead of with boys. They are never very highly respected by the
other boys, and later, at adolescence, are tolerated by the girls
rather than respected and sought by them. Again there are individuals
who are very timid in their general disposition, and are consequently
undemonstrative and inhibitive at all times.

We have emphasized the fact that children that have sex-love in this
second stage of its development, as a rule, avoid all direct
expressions of their feelings and that lovers are awkward,
embarrassed, self-conscious and ill-at-ease in each other's presence.
This is true when the conditions are such that their personalities
meet in mutual recognition without a third thing as a shield. They
are not yet in that stage of development wherein they, themselves,
become the chief objects of conversation and wherein endearments and
compliments become the chief stock-in-trade. However, the emotion has
its expression indirectly through games, plays and other incidents
that can be used as masks. Instead of direct contact of personalities
through the love confession as such, it is long-circuited through
some conventionality. In this regard the games of children are used
very effectively. The following games are the ones which I have
personally seen used oftenest: Post-office, Clap-in-clap-out,
Snap-and-catch-it, Skip-to-my-Lou, Way-down-in-the-Paw-Paw-Patch,
King-William, London-Bridge, Thread-the-Needle, Picking Grapes,
Digging-a-Well, Black-Man, Prison-Base, Tag, All-I-Want-is-a-Handsome-Man,
Green Gravel, Down-in-the-Meadow, All-Around-this-Pretty-Little-Maid.
These are merely the ones that have seemed favorites and by no means
exhaust the list of love games that I have seen used. Out of
eighty-three games of Washington (D. C.) children reported in the
American Anthropologist, by W. H. Babcock,[9] as many as thirty are love
games. In this, as in the previous stage, the embrace is the most
important love expression and stimulus. But in this stage it takes on
disguised forms or is excused by the ceremony of the games. Some are
kissing games, _e. g._, Post-Office, Paw-Paw-Patch, King William,
Picking Grapes, Digging-a-Well, etc.; some are hugging games, _e. g._,
London Bridge, Thread-the-Needle, etc., and some involve both hugging
and kissing, _e. g._, Green Grows the Willow Tree. The kiss is not the
frank love kiss given and received as such, but one called for by the
rules of the game. This makes the kissing relatively impersonal and
enables the young lovers thoroughly to enjoy the love communication
without the awkward embarrassment that would come to them if the
expression were not thus long-circuited through the game. The charm of
the whole thing is in the fact that under the guise of a ceremony love
has its way.

It will be helpful here to give a brief analysis of a few of the
games as types. King William is a choosing and kissing game,
involving among its details, the following lines:

  King William was King James's son,
  Upon a royal race he run;
  Upon his breast he wore a star,
  That was to all a sign of war.
  Go look to the east, go look to the west
  And choose the one that you love best,
  If she's not there to take your part,
  Choose the next one to your heart.
  Down on this carpet you must kneel
  As sure as the grass grows in the field.
  Salute your bride and kiss her sweet,
  Then rise again upon your feet.

The game is played by an equal number of couples and one odd boy who
is King William. With hands joined, all forming a circle with King
William in the center, the sentiment of the lines is acted out to
music, thereby adding the charm of rhythmic dance which is so
pleasurably intoxicating to the young and which has been taken
advantage of by lovers during all ages. At the conclusion of the
lines, King William joins the circle, leaving his bride to choose as
the lines are sung again, and so on. Post-Office is another one of
the most popular kissing games. It is an indoors game and requires
two rooms, one to be used as the post-office, the other as an
assembly room for the girls and boys. One of the number is chosen to
be postmaster, and is stationed at the door of the post-office;
another is elected to start the game by entering the post-office,
closing the door and indicating to the postmaster the one for whom
there are letters and the number of letters. This is then announced
in the assembly room by the postmaster, and the girl (if it was a boy
who started the game) is expected to respond by coming to the
post-office and getting her mail, which means granting a kiss for
each letter. She then remains in the post-office to indicate her
choice to the postmaster, while the boy joins the others in the
assembly room, and the game thus goes on indefinitely. The postmaster
is usually granted, as his fee, the privilege of kissing each girl
whose mail he announces. Picking Grapes is a game that calls for as
many kisses as there are bunches to be picked. It further involves
the holding of hands, and is not infrequently so arranged as to have
the boy's arms about the girl's waist. Digging a Well is similar to
Picking Grapes, and calls for as many kisses as there are feet in
depth to be dug. In competition games where forfeits are sold there
is no limit to the devices for indirect love expressions except the
fertility and ingenuity in invention of the young people, and every
one knows that in this particular regard their resources are well
nigh inexhaustible. London Bridge is made use of to satisfy the
hugging impulse. The game is played as follows. Two leaders agree
upon two objects, for example, a horse-and-carriage and a piano,--as
badges of their respective parties. Then they join hands and raise
them to form an archway that represents London Bridge. The others in
the game form a line and pass under this archway while all are
singing:

  You stole my watch and broke my chain,
    Broke my chain, broke my chain,
  You stole my watch and broke my chain,
    So fare you well my lady love.

  Off to prison you must go,
    You must go, you must go,
  Off to prison you must go,
    So fare you well, my lady love.

The leaders may at any time let their hands drop down and catch any
one in the line that is passing through. The procession then stops
and the prisoner is asked in a whisper, "Which would you rather have,
a horse-and-carriage or a piano?" According to the choice he or she
passes around and locks his hands about the leader's waist. The
second one who makes the same choice locks her hands about the first
one's waist, and so on till all have in turn been made captive and
have joined one or the other side. The two lines, whose leaders still
face each other with hands joined, are now ready for the struggle
that ends in the downfall of London Bridge. The following stanzas are
sung, at the conclusion of which the pulling begins that usually
results in a general downfall and tumbling over one another:

  London Bridge is falling down,
    Falling down, falling down,
  London Bridge is falling down,
    So fare you well, my lady love.

  What will it take to build it up,
    Build it up, build it up?
  What will it take to build it up?
    So fare you well, my lady love.

  Lime and water will build it up,
    Build it up, build it up.
  Lime and water will build it up,
    So fare you well, my lady love.

Blackman is a catching and clutching game, and furnishes the
opportunity for hugging long enough for saying, "One, two, three,
pretty good blackman for me;" and it often happens that this is not
said as rapidly as it could be,--especially if it be the favored one
who is caught. Of course there is much promiscuous catching, and the
game is satisfying other instincts than that of love, for instance
the instinct of pursuing and catching; but it is quite noticeable
that the boys have their favorite girls and catch them first, often
showing jealousy if the girls are caught by any one else. The girls
are often aggressive in selecting boys to catch in the event that
they themselves are caught first. Prison-Base and Handkerchief are
pursuing and touching games, and furnish opportunity for indirect
love confessions. Skip-to-My-Lou involves the choice of "My Lou"
together with skipping with her, which is done while holding her hand
or with arm about her waist as in round dancing. Green Grows the
Willow Tree, involves holding hands, hugging and kissing. It is a
ring game, with the one who does the choosing placed in the middle of
the ring. The following is the song that furnishes the suggestions
for the acting that accompanies it:

  Green grows the willow tree,
    Green grows the willow tree.
  Come my love where have you been?
  Come and sit at the side of me.
    O, how she blushes so!
  Kiss her sweet and let her go,
  But don't you let her mother know.

Tag and I Spy are other games that furnish opportunities for love to
discriminate in favor of its chosen ones. In fact there is scarcely a
social game indulged in by both sexes wherein the incidents are not
turned to the emotion's account by the young lovers. It must not be
understood that all of the children who take part in these games are
to be considered as lovers. As was suggested above the games may
appeal to many other instincts and be indulged in on that account
rather than on account of the love sentiment that characterizes them.
On the other hand many of the games whose content does not suggest
love may be turned into a love opportunity and expression.

The routine of the school furnishes other opportunities that are
taken advantage of. Lovers will manage some way to sit or stand
together, and are thrilled by touching. One boy who sat behind his
sweetheart would place his arm along the back of the desk where she
would come in contact with it. Others carry on their courtship by
touching their feet under the desks, etc. It is common to see
favoritism in recitations wherein pupils make the corrections; the
lover seldom corrects the sweetheart, and _vice versa_. In contests
such as spelling, words are purposely misspelled in order to favor
the sweetheart or to keep from "turning her down." The eye glance is
another means as efficacious with children as with adults. One pair
of young lovers, whose unsympathetic teacher forbade their looking at
each other, brought hand mirrors by means of which they continued to
exchange their "love messages."

Few teachers complain of the love affairs of children in these first
two periods as interfering with school work,--except when one of the
lovers is absent. A score or more of the observers assert that during
the absence of one of the lovers, the other does not do as good work
and often becomes moody and irritable. On the other hand it very
materially quickens the efforts of many who want to appear well
before their lovers. One boy, nine years old, who had been quite lazy
and was looked upon as being rather dull, braced up and for two years
led his class, in order, as he said, "to win his Ottilia." During the
adolescent stage that follows this the emotion becomes so intense and
all absorbing as to interfere very much with school work, or with
anything else that requires application.

Akin to the disturbance caused by the absence of the lover from
school is the grief that comes from being more or less permanently
separated, as by moving away or by the death of one. In some
instances the grief is very intense and protracted. Four cases of
attempts at suicide are reported: one boy eight years old; another
nine; a girl nine and another eleven. Six cases of nervous illness
are reported as due, either to separation or jilting. Ordinarily,
however, weaning is comparatively an easy matter.

Teasing breaks up many of these love affairs, and not infrequently
causes the lovers to hate each other; in which case they childishly
look upon each other as the cause instead of the occasion of the
torment. Also under the spur of the taunts of mates the lovers are
stimulated to say things to or about each other that lead to
estrangement. In some instances, however, the persecution is taken as
a sort of martyrdom and is enjoyed. Jealousy is another potent factor
in separating these young lovers. Teasing is not the primary cause of
the tendency to conceal the emotion.

The season of the year seems to have its effect upon the intensity of
the emotion of sex-love among children. One teacher from Texas, who
furnished me with seventy-six cases, said that he had noticed that
the matter of love among children seemed "fairly to break out in the
spring-time." Many of the others who reported, incidentally mentioned
the love affairs as beginning in the spring. This also agrees with my
own observations. It may partly be accounted for by the fact that
during the winter months the children have much less freedom in
playing together, and hence fewer opportunities for forming and
showing preferences. On the other hand the suggestion inevitably
occurs that there is some connection between this and the pairing
season among animals and the sexual periodicity among primitive
peoples.

"Showing-off" as a method of courtship is not only as old as the
human race, but is perhaps the most common one used by animals. While
the complete discussion of this topic is reserved for the chapter
upon courtship, the picture of love as it is experienced by the young
people in this second stage would not be complete without at least a
passing reference to it. It constitutes one of the chief numbers in
the boy's repertory of love charms, and is not totally absent from
the girl's. It is a most common sight to see the boys taxing their
resources in devising means of exposing their own excellences, and
often doing the most ridiculous and extravagant things. Running,
jumping, dancing, prancing, sparring, wrestling, turning
hand-springs, somersaults,--backward, forward, double,--climbing,
walking fences, singing, giving yodels and yells, whistling,
imitating the movements of animals, "taking people off," courting
danger, affecting courage, are some of its common forms. I saw a boy
upon one such occasion stand on the railroad track until by the
barest margin he escaped death by a passenger engine. One writer
gives an account of a boy who sat on the end of a cross-tie and was
killed by a passing train. This tendency to show off for love's sake,
together with the inability to make any direct declaration, is well
illustrated in the love affair of Piggy Pennington, King of
Boyville.[10] "Time and time again had Piggy tried to make some sign
to let his feelings be known, but every time he had failed. Lying in
wait for her at corners, and suddenly breaking upon her with a glory
of backward and forward somersaults did not convey the state of his
heart. Hanging by his heels from an apple tree limb over the sidewalk
in front of her, unexpectedly, did not tell the tender tale for which
his lips could find no words. And the nearest that he could come to
an expression of the longing in his breast was to cut her initials in
the ice beside his own when she came weaving and wobbling past on
some other boy's arm. But she would not look at the initials, and the
chirography of his skates was so indistinct that it required a key;
and, everything put together, poor Piggy was no nearer a declaration
at the end of the winter than he had been at the beginning of autumn.
So only one heart beat with but a single thought, and the other took
motto candy and valentines and red apples and picture cards and other
tokens of esteem from other boys, and beat on with any number of
thoughts, entirely immaterial to the uses of this narrative." This
"showing-off" in the boy lover is the forerunner of the skillful,
purposive and elaborate means of self-exhibition in the adult male
and the charming coquetry in the adult female, in their love
relations.

Another kind of indirection that is very interesting is that of a boy
who ostensibly is talking to one, but everything which he is saying
is intended for another. This is sometimes extended into a sort of
pleasant teasing and scuffling in which the very one whom he wants to
touch is very carefully avoided. A further phase of the same thing is
shown by the embrace or caress that is given to one while the
emotional discharge goes out to some one else; as for example, a boy
under the influence of a meeting with the girl whom he had begun to
love but to whom he had made no confession, went home and walked up
to his sister, put his arms about her neck and kissed her. The action
was so unusual as both to surprise the sister and to arouse her
intelligent suspicions. Goethe makes much use of this type of
emotional discharge in his "Elective Affinities," and Tennyson
alludes to it in the lines,

  Dear as remembered kisses after death,
    And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
  On lips that are for others.

Such manifestations are not far removed from those that are shown to
pet animals and to persons of the same sex, reference to which has
previously been made.

Previous to the age of about nine the girl is more aggressive than
the boy in love affairs. At this age her modesty, coyness and native
love for being wooed, come to the surface and thereafter characterize
her attitude toward the opposite sex.


TYPICAL CASES.

    Case 1. A boy of eight confessed through a girl's friends his
    love for the girl. Then on the playground he did little favors
    for her as though they were matters of course. If attention was
    in any way called to his acts of kindness he would lightly
    dismiss the affair with "Oh, that's nothin'," always showing
    embarrassment at the fact that his favoritism had been observed.
    In writing about it the girl says: "I liked him very much and
    enjoyed being near him on the playground, but was very much
    embarrassed when he spoke to me; so about all the pleasure that I
    got out of this little romance was in watching him as he would
    try to gain my attention and good-will while we were all at
    play."

    Case 2. In a case that continued from seven to thirteen the
    writer says: "I wanted to stand by him in the game, but would
    never make the effort to get the situation--although it always
    came about. He sent me very pretty valentines, but was very
    careful that I should not find out who sent them. When we met on
    the street we would both blush, and a strange feeling would
    possess me that I did not have on any other occasion. My bliss
    was complete when I was walking down the street and he overtook
    me--although we could say nothing to each other."

    Case 3. B. 9, g. 11. Boy very much annoyed by the fact that the
    girl was two years older. He thought that the husband ought
    always to be older, and "looked forward to the time when I should
    make her my wife. It was in secret, however, and I was always
    fearful lest some one should find it out. The girl probably never
    bestowed a thought upon me. I was very shy in her presence, and
    if she spoke to me or addressed me in any manner my tongue clove
    to the roof of my mouth, making it almost impossible for me to
    answer. I dreamed about her night after night, and upon hearing
    her name mentioned I would become confused and nervous." This
    continued from nine to fifteen, and developed into a genuine case
    of adolescent love.

    Case 4. B. 11, g. 9. Boy would come to take the girl to their
    little parties--but would never walk on the same side of the
    street with her. The girl writes: "We were very much afraid of
    each other, and yet we weren't. When we were together we never
    would speak to each other if we could help it, but when we were
    apart we wrote notes constantly."

    Case 5. "I was very much in love with a boy when I was between
    seven and nine years of age. I always felt hurt if he chose any
    one else in the games. I was very much embarrassed if this boy's
    name was mentioned in the presence of my mother or brothers. I
    didn't mind their teasing me about any other boy. I felt none of
    this embarrassment in the presence of my sympathetic playmates."

    Case 6. An eight-year-old boy contemplated suicide because his
    sweetheart moved into another neighborhood. He would not tell her
    that he loved her. Wanted to give her a present, but feared she
    would divine the truth.

    Case 7. From a woman's confessions, referring to her love at nine
    years of age: We never used the word _love_, it was always
    _like_. I think we felt afraid of _love_. I think we had no
    definite idea of marriage, we lived completely in the present.
    However, I felt in a dim way that we were always to be together.

    Case 8. From a man's confessions: "I never told any one that I
    loved the girl, and did not even want the girl to know it. I was
    satisfied to be in sight of the girl. I was nine and she was
    ten."

    Case 9. B. 9, g. 8. A blue-eyed girl and a handsome dark-eyed
    boy. One day he told Bessie he had something to tell her, but
    that she must tell no one. He said that he had wanted to tell her
    before but could not; now he would tell her if he choked to death
    in the effort. Braving all difficulties, he led Bessie to an oak
    tree and while pretending to be gathering acorns, told her of his
    love. She forgot that she should "tell no one," and at the first
    opportunity told me the whole story, and how she had loved him,
    but had never imagined he cared anything for her. I had
    understood Bessie's feelings before she told me this, and now
    rejoiced with her. She wanted to be with him almost constantly,
    but he was shy and always wished to conceal his affection from
    every one except from Bessie. She thought the mutual love
    something to be very proud of, and could not understand why he
    could not tell every one unblushingly as she did. She talked of a
    faraway sometime when she should be his wife; he, terribly
    embarrassed, acknowledged the fact when she mentioned it in his
    presence. This condition of affairs continued about three months,
    when she gradually came to the conclusion that he did not love
    her and she would give him up for one she knew loved her. This
    was a young man of seventeen or eighteen who delighted in holding
    her on his knee, playing with her curls and caressing her in
    different ways. He cared for her as boys of that age usually care
    for little girls. Milton, filled with jealous anger, remained at
    a distance for awhile, and then spoke of the unusual proceedings
    to Bessie. She told him in child language that "When one is truly
    in love one not only says it but shows it," and having fallen
    desperately in love with the more fortunate young man she gave
    Milton to understand that he need hope no more. The new lover
    remained but a short time, and after bestowing a beautiful doll
    as a parting gift he went away. She cried, was sorry that she had
    misunderstood Milton, but was too proud to call him back, and
    contented herself with her doll, declaring she did not like boys,
    and would never, never have a lover again. Milton with his
    parents soon moved away, and we never saw him again.

    Case 10. B. 10, g. 16. A boy of ten very much in love with a girl
    of sixteen. They wrote letters which they exchanged in some
    secret way. I chanced to see some of the letters which the boy
    had received from the girl in which she was profuse in her
    expressions of love. The girl did not seem to care if her love
    for the boy was known, but the boy was shy. This continued for
    some time, in fact, until the young lady was engaged to be
    married to a young man, and within a week of her marriage she
    told her grandmother that if H. were but a little older her eyes
    would be turned in a different direction.

    Case 11. The two children I refer to were about nine years old.
    They seemed to think a very great deal of each other, but were
    very shy in the presence of others. He often sent the little girl
    presents of flowers and candy on the sly. They continued to love
    each other for three or four years, until they finally became
    estranged through jealousy.

    Case 12. When I was nine years old I fell in love with a girl
    about my own age who was also in love with me. I was jealous when
    I saw her playing with any other boy. I never told any one that I
    loved the girl, and didn't even want her to know it. As I grew
    older it gradually disappeared without anything to break it up.

    Case 13. From the age of seven to ten I loved a boy of my own
    age. It happened occasionally that the class would stand up to
    spell, and when it did we frequently stood side-by-side. When the
    teacher allowed the school to spell in the old-fashioned way of
    "turning down" we were averse either to go above the other when
    we were entitled to do so. Our childish happiness lasted but one
    school term. His family moved away. We both felt the separation
    very keenly, and were sure that we never would have such friends
    again. At ten I thought more of another boy who had recently
    moved to our town. Our love began by our playing together in
    games with others. Our attachment grew to be very warm. He would
    send me valentines, and I would usually answer them. We were
    together in our study and in our games and sports. He would
    choose me and I would choose him,--except occasionally to tease
    him I would choose his nephew who was a little older than he. At
    times he did not appear to care, but at others he became angry.
    This love continued for four years with occasional interruptions
    in its placidity.

Cases of early love continuing throughout life. Case 6, page 335, and
case 11, page 336, also belong to this group.

    Case 1. My father and mother fell in love with each other when
    they were five years old, and were lovers till they died, both at
    the age of sixty-seven. When they were children they lived in the
    country some miles apart. Their parents attended the same church,
    and on Sundays in the summer-time the children were allowed to
    play outside while the church services were going on. It was in
    this way that they met, and for some time, they saw each other
    only on Sundays. When seven years old they started to the same
    school, and from that time on they were very devoted lovers. They
    were married at twenty-two, and lived happily together during
    forty-five years. They raised a large family, all of the members
    of which are now grown.

    Case 2. I know of a couple who have been married ten years who
    have been lovers since childhood. The husband is four years older
    than his wife, with whom he fell in love when he was seven years
    old. They lived in the same town, and their parents were the best
    of friends. The children had many opportunities for being
    together, and always seemed very happy in each other's company.
    They were always acknowledged to be lover and sweetheart by their
    playmates, and it seemed very natural that they should marry,
    which they did when she was seventeen.

    Case 3. I have a friend who is about five years older than I. We
    have been very intimate, and she has told me everything about her
    life. She and her husband have been lovers since they were five
    years old. She says that there has never been a time in her life
    since that time when she didn't love him. They were neighbors
    when they were small children, but moved apart and did not see
    each other for years. She went with friends to Europe and had
    many interesting experiences with other suitors, but her love for
    that boy never changed except to grow stronger. They have been
    married several years.

    Case 4. During the time that I was teaching I boarded for several
    terms in a family, the husband and wife of which told me that
    they had been lovers since the first year that they attended
    school, and that neither had ever had any other lover.

    Case 5. Two young people that I know have been lovers since they
    were babes. During their early school years the little boy would
    call for his little sweetheart every morning and take her to
    school. He was always at her side during the play periods, and
    would walk home with her after school was out in the afternoon.
    When either was sick the other called regularly and brought
    little favors. They have been very jealous of one another during
    all of their life. They are now twenty and soon will be married.

    Case 6. I know a couple who were married at the age of nineteen
    whose love began when they were children. Their parents were
    neighbors, and the children grew up together. During their
    childhood their love was not interfered with by the parents, but
    when they arrived at adolescence and began to go to parties
    together the parents of both objected. The most severe measures
    of the parents of both failed to prevent their marriage.

Cases with disparity in the ages of the lovers.

    Case 1. A little boy of four began to show the most devoted love
    for a young lady. Even when she was absent the mention of her
    name would cause an expression of almost worship to pass over his
    little face. She gave him her picture, and every night he said
    his prayers to it and kissed it good-night. There was no cloud in
    his sky until one day he heard two members of the family
    discussing the arrival of a young man who was interested in the
    young lady. No notice was taken of the little one, and when
    dinner time came he was missing. He was found in the
    carriage-house--a little bundle of indignation--getting ready to
    drive down town. In the carriage he had put his father's
    shot-gun, and he vowed vengeance on the young man who was
    "stealing away" his "darling," as he called her. It took some
    time to pacify him, and he was only satisfied when the young lady
    herself appeared on the scene and promised him she would not
    marry the young man. That was nearly three years ago, and he is
    still as devoted a little lover as he was then.

    Case 2. A little girl of five showed great affection for a boy of
    twenty-one. She used to climb upon his lap and caress him, and he
    never forgot to have some little delicacy for her in his pockets.
    This little girl had a pet kitten which her parents did not wish
    her to play with, and so her brothers coaxed the young man to
    kill it, thinking that she would think anything which he did all
    right. But the child's conduct towards him changed, and she
    didn't care for him as before. She is now nineteen years old, but
    whenever she sees him she thinks:--"He killed my pet."

    Case 3. I knew of a little girl not more than four years of age
    who became warmly attached to a young gentleman. He laughingly
    said to the child "I will wait for you." She did not forget the
    remark, but looked upon him as her ideal. Every act of friendship
    between him and other lady friends was noticed with a jealous eye
    by the child. The young man travelled through the West, and while
    there met a lady who later became his wife. When the child
    learned this she was very angry and hated the lady. She did not
    feel differently about it until she was grown.

    Case 4. A girl ten years old became very fond of a young man of
    nineteen while they both were attending school. She would wait
    for him to walk home with her from school. She took great pride
    in her personal appearance, and would always wonder if it would
    please him. This affection lasted through one winter and the next
    summer. After that the girl seemed to care for the boys of her
    own age.

    Case 5. The last year I taught there were two little boys,
    Lambert, aged seven, and Frank, aged six, who fell in love with
    me. Lambert was very demonstrative when alone with me or when
    only grown folks were around, but did nothing in the presence of
    his schoolmates. He would put his arms around me, kiss me, and
    was very happy when he could sit on my lap. He gave me very few
    presents, but dearly loved to be with me, and often asked me to
    wait until he grew up so that he could marry me. He very
    frequently told me how much he loved me, and would ask me if I
    loved him, and if so whether I loved him more than I did others.
    Frank was very bashful, and though he would stay near me, would
    never come very close. He would watch my actions very closely,
    and tried to please me in every particular. Nearly every day in
    spring he would bring me a bouquet either of wild or tame
    flowers. Quite frequently he brought me fruit. If he had only one
    apple or banana he was never satisfied until I had taken a bite.

    Case 6. A boy about ten years old loved a young lady of twenty
    during two years. Jealousy conspicuous. Expressions of love in
    the giving of small gifts, such as fruit, flowers, etc. Actions
    of the boy quite free and gallant in the presence of others. No
    tendency to withhold demonstrations and be satisfied with love at
    a distance. On the contrary, he seemed to seize every opportunity
    to show the lady attention. At about twelve years of age the boy
    began to hate her as extremely as he had formerly loved her.

    Case 7. A little girl three years of age claimed me as her lover.
    Whenever I called on her parents she rushed to me and wanted me
    to hug and kiss her, and was never backward in doing her part. If
    at any time I did not notice her solicitations she would turn
    away from me and, going to some remote corner of the room, would
    cry as if her little heart would break. Jealousy was very
    prominent in her.

    Case 8. A little girl three years old and a young man between
    twenty-five and thirty. It has continued now for about six or
    eight months and is mutual. The little girl says she is going to
    marry Mr. ----, and he says he wishes he could find a big girl
    that he thought as much of or that she was a young lady. She is
    very careful to always be nice in his presence. Will sit on his
    lap and love him, and seems happier than with any one else. She
    will ask her mamma "When will Mr. ---- come to see me?" One day I
    met him and he told me to tell her that he would be in that
    afternoon. I did so, and she was very much delighted--ran and
    told the other members of the household. She seated herself in
    the parlor and would look at her clothes and brush them and sit
    in as prim a position as possible. She seemed to want to look her
    best. Her kindergarten teacher tried to coax her to go to her
    room; she said, "Oh no, Mr. ---- is coming to see me," and would
    ask impatiently when I thought he would come. She acted the same
    when alone or with others. She was very jealous, and never wanted
    any other lady to sit nearer him than she was. She would often
    say "He is mine." She did not object to gentlemen sitting by him.
    No gifts on either side.

    Case 9. Last October a boy of four met for the first time a young
    lady of eighteen. He at once became strongly attached to her, and
    during the week they spent visiting the same family he was almost
    constantly at her side. He would sit on her lap with his arms
    around her neck, and sometimes shyly kiss her. He would leave his
    mother and go with the young lady in preference. He wanted to be
    doing everything that she did. The older boys teased him, but he
    did not care. Said she was his girl, and always would be. He
    cried for her to go with him when he went home. He has not seen
    her since that time, but they have her picture, and he takes it
    and kisses it and calls her his sweetheart.

    Case 10. A little cousin named Blanche when about two years of
    age became greatly attached to a man who worked for her father
    and lived with the family. He was probably thirty years her
    senior. The feeling continued growing stronger for about four
    years, when it was broken off by her finding out that he "had
    another girl." She told me once that she loved him more than she
    did her papa or mamma, and that when she grew up would go and
    live with him. When she got presents for any of her friends he
    was always remembered. She was very demonstrative, sitting on his
    lap and in many other ways showing her feeling for him.

    Case 11. A young lady of twenty years and a boy of six. We all
    boarded in the same house. He was so attached to her that he
    would never go to sleep without kissing her good-night. The very
    coldest day in winter if his mamma didn't have his coat and
    mittens on him when the bell rang for twelve o'clock or for six
    o'clock he would go without them to meet her, for he knew that
    she came at that time. He was always asking if she loved him, and
    if she would wait until he was a man and marry him. This
    continued for nearly three years when, one day, a lady whose hair
    was gray called on his mamma. He didn't like her, and after she
    left said to the young lady "I won't marry you when I am a man
    for your hair will be gray." After that he never cared
    particularly for her.

    Case 12. I know of one case where a little boy about six years
    old fell in love with a lady about twenty years old, and always
    used to call her his girl. He used to go and put his arms around
    her and kiss her at any time; it did not embarrass him if some
    one was looking at him. He is about eighteen now, and seems to
    think a great deal of her yet.

Cases showing the continuity of the emotion through the first three
stages of its development.

    W., 18. I cannot remember a time before I was fourteen years old
    when there was not some little boy whom I loved. The first case
    that I can recall occurred when I was five years old. I know that
    I was five for I have heard my parents say how old I was when
    they moved away from that place. After we moved away I never saw
    him any more. We came to another town and I started to school. I
    was rather afraid of all the little boys, but some of them I
    liked very much. I can remember one big boy whom I didn't like.
    He was always trying to play with me, but I thought that I just
    hated him. One day he caught me and kissed me. It didn't frighten
    me, it simply made me very angry. I was so provoked that I cried
    and slapped him in the face as hard as I could. The little boy
    that I did like at that time was a red cheeked boy with dark hair
    and blue eyes. I do not remember any particular incident, but I
    know that we played together all of the time and thought a great
    deal of each other. I was then about seven years old. By the next
    year of school this boy had moved away, but another little boy
    came to school whom I liked better. His name was Ray. I can
    remember him better than I can the others. For a long time I
    thought that he didn't care for me, and while I thought that I
    was afraid of him;--that is, when I met him I was so bashful and
    trembled so, because I was afraid that he would find out how I
    loved him and would make fun of me. Our teacher believed in
    having little boys and girls sit together in school so that they
    would not be bashful. I had always sat alone, but now for some
    reason or another she put Ray in the seat with me. I could not
    study or do anything with Ray so close to me. I was almost afraid
    to look up till one day he told me that he loved me. Then I found
    out that he had been afraid all of the time that I didn't like
    him. I was over most of my shyness then. I suppose that my
    teacher concluded that she had cured me of my bashfulness. I wore
    short dresses then that just came to my knees. I was good at
    wearing out my stockings at the knees, but my mother was such an
    excellent darner that it took the closest scrutiny to find the
    darned places. One day Ray noticed this darning and asked me if
    my grandmother did it. I told him that my mamma did it. "I wish
    that I had some one to darn for me like that," he said. I told
    him that mamma was teaching me to darn that way. "Well," he said,
    "when we are married you will know how and can darn mine that
    nice." That was the first that I had thought of our getting
    married, and I can remember how proud I was to think that he
    cared so much for me. He was always very good to me, and we never
    quarrelled. Our love continued about two years. He moved to the
    city when I was ten years old. He was about a year and a half
    older. I have seen him only twice since then. The summer that I
    was eleven years old I met a little boy who was visiting his
    aunt, our neighbor. He was a year older than I. I cannot remember
    his name, but can remember how he looked. I loved him the same as
    I did Ray, except at the time I thought I loved him much better.
    I didn't know whether he loved me or not, but I thought that he
    did, because I noticed that he was just as nervous when we were
    together as I was, and turned his eyes away when I looked at him
    just as I couldn't help doing when he looked at me. One day I
    told Grace, his cousin, that I liked him better than I did any
    one else I knew. I said that I believed that I liked him better
    than I did my mamma. He had been at his aunt's two months, and I
    told Grace this just the day before he was going away. On the
    next day he came over in the forenoon and found me standing alone
    by the rain-barrel, thinking about him and almost crying because
    he was going away so soon. We stood and talked awhile, and then
    he said "Say, did you really mean what you said to Grace
    yesterday?" I can remember just how he looked at me when he said
    it. I wanted to tell him that I did. Then I thought that I would
    tease him. So I pretended that I did not know what he meant and
    tried to get him to tell me what it was. He kept telling me that
    I knew what it was and to please answer him. But I kept
    pretending that I did not know. I remember that I thought that I
    had better not say that I did because he hadn't yet said that he
    loved me. At last he said, "Please do tell me, I would be _so_
    happy if I knew that you meant it." I was just going to tell him
    that I did mean it when mamma called me to come in and help her,
    so I had to go without telling him. He went away that afternoon,
    and I have never heard of him since. I cried that night because I
    had not told him what he wanted me to instead of teasing him. The
    last boy that I fell in love with had twinkling blue eyes, dark
    hair and dozens and dozens of freckles. He was what the people
    call a "holy terror," but every one liked him because he was so
    free-hearted and ready to help everybody. I do not know how I
    happened to fall in love with him nor when, but I did, anyway. He
    was a favorite with the girls, and that is what spoiled him. He
    got into the company of bad girls and boys, and before he was
    fifteen years old he was the worst boy in town. He is now about
    twenty-one or twenty-two, and no respectable girl will have
    anything to do with him. I prayed and prayed that he might be
    changed, but it seemed that it was not to be. I was only a child
    then, but I loved as earnestly as any woman ever did. After
    awhile my feelings changed. For a time I hated and loved him by
    turns. Then I began to feel sorry that he could not be good, and
    so finally I only felt pity for him.

    M., 34. I remember that when I was three years old I was very
    much in love with a young lady of eighteen, the grocer's
    daughter, who was one of our neighbors. She was especially fond
    of me, and came for me nearly every day to spend a part and
    sometimes the whole of the day with her. My sister was married in
    the month before I was three, and I remember many of the
    incidents of the wedding. That event marked the first that I can
    remember about my love for Miss Carter. This love lasted during
    three years,--until I started to school. Then I soon fell in love
    with another young lady,--a very beautiful and popular French
    girl of eighteen. I asked my teacher if I might sit by her. He
    told me that I might if she were willing. I at once asked her,
    and she made me very happy by giving her consent. I was her
    seatmate during all of the remainder of that school year. I was
    very jealous about the attentions which she received from her
    many admirers, and was thoroughly miserable during the days that
    she was absent from school. There was another young lady in the
    same school whom I loved at the same time, but not with the
    intensity of my love for my seatmate. In my seventh year I fell
    in love with a little girl about my own age. I loved her very
    much, and she loved me in return. We were free and natural in our
    demonstrations of kissing, embracing and exchanging gifts and
    attentions. In the case of the two young ladies who were free and
    even excessive in fondling me, I was relatively passive, but
    enjoyed all their expressions of love very much. During the years
    from eight to twelve I was very desperately in love with a girl
    three years older than I, but about the same size. She was a very
    beautiful girl with expressive brown eyes and dark but clear
    complexion. She liked me very much, and it was understood among
    our playmates that we were lovers, although we were more reserved
    toward each other than we were toward any of the other school
    children. I do not know how my secret was discovered, because I
    had not told any one. I wouldn't have told her for anything. I
    couldn't have. It was very embarrassing for me to speak to her,
    although in Blackman I always tried to catch her, and usually
    succeeded for she didn't try very hard to get away. In playing "I
    Spy," if I was "it," I always allowed her to get to the home goal
    without spying her. In other games, such as "Dropping the
    Handkerchief" or choosing games she was the one whom I favored.
    Any little courtesy that I could show her filled me with keen
    delight, although I never wanted her to take any notice of it. I
    wanted her to understand it but not to mention it. The secret
    understanding between us was not the embarrassing thing,--it was
    any expression of our love toward each other that we could not
    stand; any reference to it by others was also very embarrassing.
    I do not think either of us was teased much. I could not easily
    keep my eyes off of her during school sessions, and in the
    recitations, if I chanced to sit or stand by her, I was very
    nervous and could feel my heart beating with great violence. I
    never corrected her in class, and have purposely missed many a
    word in spelling to keep from turning her down. I never wrote her
    a note nor in any way confessed my love for her except in such
    acts as those which I have enumerated. She moved away from our
    town when I was twelve. I grieved over it for a year or
    more,--until I fell in love with another girl. This was my first
    adolescent love, and came over me with great power. The girl was
    about my own age and loved me as much as I did her. During the
    first year of this love we were both somewhat shy. We wrote notes
    and made the most extravagant confessions on paper, but would
    carefully avoid such in our conversations. In the choosing games
    we nearly always chose each other. In the kissing games I was the
    only boy whom she would kiss. There was one other boy whom she
    would allow to kiss her. I was very jealous of him although he
    was my chum. At fourteen we had passed our shy stage, and then
    became very demonstrative and sought each other's company outside
    of school. We exchanged love-letters very frequently. Some of
    these were twenty to thirty pages long, and were more poetic and
    beautiful than anything that I have been able to write since. I
    have some of them yet, and read them with much pleasure. My love
    for this girl lasted through more than three years, during which
    I was never absent from her home on Sunday. Our relations were
    encouraged by her parents. We had the usual love quarrels and
    temporary estrangements on account of jealousy, but they were
    soon over. At seventeen I left that town to teach school in
    another town fifteen miles away. She was attending school in the
    academy. While I was away two of my rivals perfected a plot that
    effected our estrangement. For a year we did not speak to each
    other. Then there was a sort of reconciliation, but nothing could
    undo the harm that had been done. I have not seen her for
    thirteen years, but I still think of her very kindly and recall
    our youthful romance as a pleasant and sacred memory.

    W., 31. When I was about three years old a little boy of two
    lived near us. Our parents were warm friends and encouraged the
    love affair that soon sprang up between us. Our love was open and
    quite as a matter of course, we were very demonstrative and not
    in the least embarrassed by observers until I was about six, when
    we became more shy. We played house, and were always man and
    wife. Scarcely a day passed which we did not spend playing
    together from morning until night. Neither of us cared anything
    about playing with others. Once I remember as I was going home
    from the store carrying a little basket, Walter's cousin, a boy
    of about the same age, offered to carry it for me. He had no
    sooner taken it than Walter overtook us and commanded him to give
    him the basket saying that he _always_ took care of me. When the
    young gallant refused to give up the basket Walter took it from
    him and, putting it at a safe distance, proceeded to give him a
    pounding. Then he took up the basket and walked home with me. I
    remember that I enjoyed this scene very thoroughly. We were
    almost inseparable for five years, when my family moved out West.
    We exchanged gifts and promises of eternal love, but the parting
    was very sad. We promised to wait for each other and marry some
    day. Within the next two years he sent me gifts and I sent him
    gifts and letters. His mother said he enjoyed getting the letters
    but was too shy to answer them, and was very easily teased about
    me. I was very proud of my lover, and told my new little friends
    about him. I was very happy when he sent me a photograph of
    himself neatly framed when he was about nine years old. Although
    we still considered ourselves sweethearts we were each enjoying
    love affairs at home. During my ninth year I had a lover about my
    own age. He was very popular among all the girls because of the
    gifts he distributed liberally. I was decidedly his favorite, and
    was proud of the distinction. We were shy before grown people,
    but at school were acknowledged lovers. While not openly
    demonstrative, we took advantage of our games to show our love by
    choosing each other and giving the kiss or other mark of
    affection required by the game. We especially enjoyed walking
    home from school together or playing together when no one else
    was by. My heart was almost broken when it was discovered that he
    had been stealing small sums of money for some time in order to
    give me the gifts which had made me so happy. I was not allowed
    to have anything more to do with him, and he soon moved away.
    About this time I fell in love with a young man twice as old as
    I. He worked in my father's office and boarded with us. I loved
    to be with him, and was especially happy when he took me with him
    to church or some entertainment. When he would take me by the arm
    and help me through the deep snow I felt very grown up and proud
    of his attention. He cared for me as a little girl and I
    worshipped him as my knight. I was very jealous when he showed
    any young lady attention. Soon after this my father died and we
    moved to a lonely station on the prairie. Again I fell in love
    with a man more than twice my age whom I saw very seldom. I was
    very happy when he took me on his lap or caressed me. I was very
    shy both with him and about him, but magnified every look and
    word and act until I convinced myself that he loved me as much as
    I did him. I was intensely jealous, and when I did waken to the
    fact that he loved a young lady I was nearly heart broken. No one
    dreamed of this except a girl confidant. His marriage several
    years after hurt me. I think he never suspected my feelings. When
    about thirteen a boy a little older than I moved into our town
    from the East, and we proceeded to fall in love with each other
    at once. We wrote long letters to each other daily,--although we
    sat across the aisle from each other--and handed them to each
    other slyly when we thought no one was looking. When I was
    obliged to remain at home one week he brought me a long letter
    each evening after school. These letters were full of love and
    jealousy, and were read over and over, and were often carried
    next the heart. We took long walks and rides together, but I
    cannot recall a single caress given or received during the two
    years we were acknowledged lovers. I had received very strict
    teaching in regard to such things. Both of us were easily teased
    and very bashful when observed by others. When he was sent to a
    town fifteen miles away he felt sure I would forget him and that
    this meant the end of our beautiful love. I grieved over his
    leaving and because we were not allowed to correspond, but was
    really beginning to love a young man somewhat older so much that
    I was not inconsolable. We were very jealous of each other; and
    the news which came to each did not contribute to our peace of
    mind until we gradually grew apart. This affair was renewed
    later, and was of quite a different character.




NOTES


1: It should be borne in mind by the reader that this
article is a preliminary study. It forms a part of one chapter of a
relatively comprehensive study of some of the aspects of the
Psychology of Sex. The writer appreciates the fact that there may be
a number of questions suggested to the reader, the satisfactory
answer to which cannot be found in the data submitted here. It may
also seem that too much is made of some of the facts and that certain
interpretations are unwarranted. This effect is almost always
inevitably the result of isolating any phase of a subject from its
settings in the whole to which it belongs. Several points merely
touched upon in this article are to be exhaustively treated in other
sections of the same study.

2: Ribot: The Psychology of the Emotions, p. 248.

3: Psychology of Sex, Vol. III; Alienist and Neurologist,
July, 1901, p. 500; American Journal of Dermatology, Sept., 1901.

4: Principles of Psychology, Vol. I, pp. 487, 488.

5: The Emotions and the Will, Chap. VII.

6: The Play of Man, p. 254. New York, 1901.

7: Zeitschr. f. Psychol. u. Physiol. d. Sinnesorgane, Vol.
II (1891), p. 128. (Quoted by Groos.)

8: The Emotions and the Will, pp. 126, 127.

9: American Anthropologist, Vol. I, pp. 243-284. Also see
Lippincott's Magazine, March and September, 1886.

10: McClure's Magazine, February, 1897, p. 322.




Transcriber's Note


This eBook was transcribed from The American Journal of Psychology,
vol. XIII, no. 3, July 1902.

Quotation marks have been added to the beginning of each paragraph in
long quotations.






End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Preliminary Study of the Emotion of
Love between the Sexes, by Sanford Bell

*** 