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[Illustration: Front Cover]



FUN & NONSENSE

By Willard Bonte




[Illustration: Frontispiece]

[Illustration: By Willard Bonte]





INTRODUCTION


  Fun and Nonsense are a pair
    Of merry little twins,
  And when they come to visit us
    They bring their friends, the Grins.

  They're coming now to visit you.
    This page we'll call the door.
  To open wide, just turn the leaf.
    Why, we have met before!

[Illustration: Introduction]




THE BARBER


  Said Chocolate Drop the Barber,
  "Why, bless my ugly soul!
  I'll ask that stick of peppermint
  To be my Barber pole."

[Illustration: The Barber]




THE REFUSAL


  "Dear, sweet Lady Cracker,
  My passions you know."
  "And I scorn them, Judge Wafer,
  As you're lacking in dough."

[Illustration: The Refusal]




A HOPELESS CASE


  "What is the use?" quoth the Whitewash Brush,
  "I'll comb my hair no more;
  For try as I will to make it lie,
  It still stays pompadour."

[Illustration: A Hopeless Case]




THE GREENHORN


  A lettuce walking out one day,
  Lost his head, so lost his way;
  A Pumpkin happened on the scene,
  And said it came from being green.

[Illustration: The Greenhorn]




OLD MR. MATCH


  Old Mr. Match gave his head a good scratch,
  And his face lighted up with a smile;
  "It is getting quite dark, but with my cheery spark
  I will lengthen the day for awhile."

[Illustration: Old Mr. Match]




THOUGHTS UNSTRUNG


  "Alas! I fear my mind doth wander.
  As o'er this narrative I ponder;
  I usually know what I have read,
  But this time I have lost the Thread."

[Illustration: Thoughts Unstrung]




THE MISER


  The Pocketbook has money,
  On that subject he is daft;
  But when one strikes him for a loan
  He answers, "I am strapped."

[Illustration: The Miser]




DR. KEY'S ANSWER


  "Shine?" inquired the Monkey Wrench
  Of Stately Doctor Key;
  "No!" replied that haughty soul.
  "No Monkey-shines for me."

[Illustration: Dr. Key's Answer]




THE CHASE


  Mr. Brush on his steed, dashing with speed,
  Was asked if he had time to spare;
  Said he, with a smile, "I'll be back in a while,
  But at present I'm hunting the hair."

[Illustration: The Chase]




A RISING DOCTOR


  "Dr. Yeast-Cake, it's hard for me to speak,
  As I haven't risen for more than a week."
  "Take this, Mr. Roll, and never you fear;
  You'll rise before morning, so be of good cheer."

[Illustration: A Rising Doctor]




THE SAILOR BOLD


  Pilot Von Pretzel's a crusty old salt
  Who wears a rich shade of tan;
  Which he did not acquire at sea, by the way,
  But in a warm baking-pan.

[Illustration: The Sailor Bold]




OVERHEARD IN THE CORN-FIELD


  Said young Mr. Pumpkin,
  To old Mr. Squash,
  "Do you think Mr. Corn overhears
  What we say when we talk
  Of his self-conscious stalk,
  And his moving Miss Melon to tears?"

  "I cannot decide,"
  Mr. Squash then replied,
  "But I've had my suspicions for years;
  Because he's so tall
  He can lean over all;
  Then look at the size of his ears."

[Illustration: Overheard in the Corn-field]




TWINS


  "There go the Scissor twins.
  Cutting as ever.
  Some think them sharp.
  But few think them clever."

[Illustration: Twins]




A SHARP LOVER


  "I dread you much, my little miss,
  You're such a dainty thing,
  I fear although quite sharp myself,
  You've got me on the string."

[Illustration: A Sharp Lover]




THE GREEDY LITTLE PITCHERS


  "Now, my pretty little dears,
  Little Pitchers have big ears;
  But never let me hear it said
  That your mouths are big instead."

[Illustration: The Greedy Little Pitchers]




OBLIGING MR. HAMMER


  Old Mr. Hammer
  Was so very, very good,
  That he gave Mr. Shingle Nail
  A drive through the wood.

[Illustration: Obliging Mr. Hammer]




THE MALICIOUS BRUSH


  When poor little Hand-Glass
  Was loudly berated
  For casting reflections,
  The Brush was elated.

[Illustration: The Malicious Brush]




THE WISE PEN


  There was a Pen in our town
  And he was wondrous wise;
  He knew just when to cross his T's
  And when to dot his I's;
  But one small thing he did not know,
  A simple thing at that;
  He did not know 'twas nice to wipe
  His feet off, on the mat.

[Illustration: The Wise Pen]








End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fun and Nonsense, by Willard Bonte

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