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           Stephen H. Branch's Alligator - Volume 1, Issue 14

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             [Illustration: STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S ALLIGATOR.]

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    Volume I.—No. 14.]   SATURDAY, JULY 24, 1858.   [Price 2 Cents.
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                      =Conference of Methodists.=


The miser Harpers still Harping on the Dimes—The self-degradation and
  downfall of the Harpers, who “played on the Harp of a thou-_sand
  strings—sperrits of just men made perfic!”_

_John Harper_—Brothers: These are desperate times.

_Wesley Harper_—Yes, and something must soon be done, or we must again
suspend.

_Fletcher Harper_—That’s so.

_Evil Genius_—Go ahead!

_Good Genius_—Beware!

_Jack_—Our stock in the _Courier and Enquirer_ don’t pay. We have had
the best place and the largest type in the columns of that Journal for
20 years, and I tell you, brothers, it don’t pay. While young _Fletch_
had stock in the _Times_, we had the best place, and the biggest type,
but you all know it didn’t pay. Nor do any of the public journals yield
a fair return for our enormous advertising investments.

_Jim_—Jack: What in the devil are you driving at? Upon my soul, you
positively alarm me. Why, I declare, I never saw your eyes roll so, nor
your jaws close so fiercely, nor your fist fall so heavily on your knee.
Now, for the Lord’s sake, do disclose, in common parlance, what you mean
by your mysterious declamation. (Wesley takes out his pen knife, and
cuts his nails, and Fletcher takes a fresh cud of tobacco, and crosses
his legs.)

_Jack_—I have had an interview with James Gordon Bennett.

_Jim_—Fletch: Hand me that fan. Wes: Please open the window. Sam: Bring
me a glass of ice water. Now, Jack, proceed.

_Jack_—Bennett spoke of other days, and inquired after our health.

_Jim_—Whose health?

_Jack_—Mine and yours.

_Jim_—What the devil did he mean by that? My health is always good. I
never had the rheumatism or gout, like you, Jack. What did the old
reprobate mean by inquiring about my health? I’ll thank him to mind his
own business.

_Jack_—Jim: Listen: For thirty years, you have imposed on me the
financial department of our vast establishment, until I have racked my
brain, and nearly worn myself into the grave, and I am pursued in my old
age, by our creditors, as never before. True, we recently resumed
payment, but we know that we did that for effect, and before we were
fairly out of the woods. I tell you, brothers, we are in a very critical
condition. People want bread, instead of books and papers, in these days
of famine and commercial desolation. Now, brothers, I am desperate, and
I favor a resort to desperate measures, to save the credit of our House.

_Jim_—I think I smell a skunk. To save our pecuniary credit, you would
sacrifice our honor. Talk out, Jack, for I too am growing desperate,
when the scuffle is between credit and honor, and I will die in defence
of the latter.

_Jack_—Is not our _Weekly_ declining, and our _Monthly_ rapidly
decaying, and our general business nearly paralysed. Must we not pay our
notes? And how can we do that, unless we adopt the course of Bonner, who
is devouring all the publishers of the civilised world. Now, Jim, it is
very pleasant for you to sit here two or three hours every day, and talk
about temperance, (and take a glass on the sly occasionally,) and praise
Methodism, (and go to the Theatre, and some other very curious places of
amusement,) and hold political meetings in our counting room, which you
fill daily with a gang of seedy political vagabonds, who once, (with the
aid of Divine Providence, and Methodists, and Daniel F. Tiemann, and
Peter Cooper, and Judge Sidney Stewart, and the politicians of the
Second, Sixth, and Eleventh Wards,) set a ball in motion, that elected
you Mayor of New York, from which you did not make a cent, and did not
add a cipher to your private fortune,—I say, all this is mighty pleasant
for you, but not for me, as the entire financial department of our
immense establishment has ever been on my shoulders, and I am getting
very old, and I now am about to change our tactics, or we are forever
lost.

_Jim_—Go on, Jack—go on. But stop a moment. Fletch: Just open the desk,
and pass me the bottle of brandy. (Takes a stiff horn.) Now, Jack, go
on, for I am prepared for anything.

_Jack_—I told Bennett that I thought of publishing his biography
favorably in our _Weekly_.

_Jim_—And what did the old devil say to that?

_Jack_—His eyes brightened and glistened with perfect delight, and he
said it was a darm fine idea.

_Jim_—Wes: Do you hear all this?

_Wes_—O yes: I was with brother John, at the interview with Bennett and
Hudson, at the _Herald_ Office.

_Jim_—And Fletch: What have you to say?

_Fletch_—I was there, too.

_Jim_—Here, Ike, run for your life to the Apothecary, and get me some
Camphor and Asafetida. Sam: Bring me a lump of ice, and hold it on my
head. My blood rushes with great violence to my brain. Fletch: Just pass
the brandy bottle this way once more. O my God, my good brothers, I fear
you will be the death of your brother James. I never thought we would
come to this. John is nearly seventy years old, and I am on the winter
side of sixty, and Wesley is sixty, and Fletcher is nearly sixty, and
after a long life of toil, and the preservation of our business honor,
and with children and grandchildren soon to fill our places on the field
of action, it is now proposed to prostrate ourselves at the feet of a
man, who has led a life of infamy from his youth to the present hour,
and who has pursued to the grave many a virtuous and timid female, and
many a noble merchant, who were so unfortunate as to get in his wicked
clutches. O, brothers, I had rather starve, than succumb to Bennett, who
has abused us all our days. We can survive our present misfortunes,
without disgracing our _Weekly_ with the panegyric of James Gordon
Bennett, which will injure our respectable family journal more than we
shall realise from our advertisements and all the puffs we can squeeze
from Bennett. There’s my private fortune. Take it, and I will gladly
return to a one story dwelling, and to utter penury, before I will
sacrifice my self-respect, and my honor, to such a monster as James
Gordon Bennett.

_Jack_—Myself, and Wesley, and Fletcher, have long considered this, and
we are unchangeable, as we deem it our only means of salvation. It is
incontrovertibly true, that Bennett has the largest circulation of any
paper in America, and if he will permit us to advertise, and puff us
like Bonner, why, I am willing to make any sacrifice.

_Jim_—I perceive the old liar has been as quiet as a mouse about his
prodigious circulation, since he had to swear in the Carr libel case,
that his circulation was only about 50,000. The old scamp, just prior to
his oath, declared that his circulation was nearly 100,000. Once a liar,
always a liar, is my motto, and I don’t believe the _Herald’s_
circulation is as large as that of the _Sun_, which is conducted by
Moses S. Beach, who is an honest man, and a true Christian, and a
meritorious gentleman.

_Jack_—Say what you will, Jim.—Wes, and Fletch, and myself are resolved
to extend our hands to Bennett in terms of the warmest friendship.

_Jim_—Well, brothers, you are three to one, and as ours are democratic
institutions—that is, as the country we have adopted, is democratic (for
some of us are of English birth, and the rest of us had a very narrow
escape, although the world is ignorant of the fact)—I say, that as you
are all against my judgment in this matter, and as I don’t like to leave
you in my old age, why, I shall very reluctantly, and in tears—as you
see—(he cries) consent to sell ourselves to James Gordon Bennett, whom I
have always regarded as the incarnation of a lie, and of the devil. And
now, brothers, I am prepared to go to the _Herald_ Office, and for your
sake, affectionately press Bennett’s hand in hypocrisy, and publish his
biography, in our _Weekly_, daubed all over with whitewash, and without
any severity of allusion to Helen Jewett, or Grinnell, or any of his
black mail victims, or the numerous males and females whose early graves
he dug. And now I’ll take another copious draught of brandy, and then
I’m ready for our degradation, and for the first step in the eternal
downfall of the Harpers, who have preserved their business honor all
over the world, until this evil and melancholy hour. Now, brothers, come
on, and I’m ready to face Bennett and the devil himself, and kiss their
toes, if it is your behest. (They all go to the _Herald_ Office, two
abreast, with their numerous posterity, three abreast, in the rear,
young _Fletch_ leading the younger tribes, with a _Weekly_ and _Monthly_
in either hand, to show Mr. Bennett as a sample.)

                           (To be continued.)

                  *       *       *       *       *




                          =Randall’s Island.=


_The evening sun gilds the trees and spires—The lily and rosy and
  classic Mistress on her couch reclining._

  ENTER GOVERNOR DANIEL F. TIEMANN.

  _Amorous Dan_—Good evening, my pretty VIOLET.

  _Violet_—A warm salute to my kind protector.

  _Dan_—Has Governor Simeon Draper been here to-day?

  _Violet_—Yes, and Governor Bell. Simeon forced a dozen kisses from my
  lips and cheeks.

  _Dan_—O, the scamp! (Sits by her side, and sips luscious fragrance
  from her cherry and rosy lips, while she archly reclines on the sofa
  that he purchased for her)—Sim is a bold villain. Did he seek more
  than a kiss?

  _Violet_—He again strove hard to ravish me.

  _Dan_—But you foiled him?

  _Violet_—I did.

  _Dan_—O, my love, let me reward thee with these grateful lips. (Kisses
  her twenty times in rapid succession.)

  _Violet_—O, dearest, I fear you will smother me with gratitude. Do not
  strangle me with such emblems of affection.

  _Dan_—I love thee too fervently, my charming Violet.

  _Violet_—I’m sorry you have a family.

  _Dan_—And so am I, my fair one. But neither kin nor stranger shall
  blight our sweet relations. Thou art all to me. Without thee, I am
  most desolate.

  _Violet_—I fear Simeon Draper will mar our happy destiny.

  _Dan_—Why?

  _Violet_—Because he loves me.

  _Dan_—His love is of a lustful nature, while mine is from the purest
  rivulets of the heart.

  _Violet_—I know you adore my spirit, while he only loves my form.

  _Dan_—And dost thou avow so much? O, breathe those sweet tones again.

  _Violet_—Shall I sing them, dearest?

  _Dan_—O what bliss is this! Sing, O sing, my beauteous Violet, and
  entrance my heart with thy celestial music.

             _Violet sings_— For many a day,
                             With doubtful ray,
                             I gazed for thee,
                             O’er lea and sea:
                             And from my heart,
                             Thou ne’er shalt part,
                             So dear to me,
                             Thy love will be.
                             So on my bed,
                             Repose thy head,
                             And from my lip
                             Choice honey sip.
                      _Dan_— O my! and O thy!
                             I will ever try
                             To please thy fair eye,
                             So happy am I.
                   _Violet_— Come, O come with me,
                             And most happy be.
                      _Dan_— O, O, O!

  (They retire for the night.)


                            MORNING TWILIGHT.

  _Dan_—Dear Violet, if Sim comes to-day, and strives to coerce you,
  scream to the peak of your lungs, and terrify and threaten to expose
  him. I love you so devoutly, that I cannot live if he continues to
  molest you. I have already expelled your _Friend_ from the Island. My
  affection for my fair Violet has the intensity of Othello’s for
  Desdemona, ere Iago maddened the honest Moor with fatal jealousy.

  _Violet_—Simeon Draper threatens to have me suspended. He got me my
  situation as Matron, and as he has been a Governor much longer than
  you, and as himself and Richard B. Connolly have long controlled the
  Island, had I not better be a little familiar with Simeon, so that I
  will not arouse his wrath to such intensity as to peril my situation
  as Matron? Please view these matters with discretion, my noble Daniel.

  _Dan_—I can’t consider them for a moment. Draper may be powerful, but
  he has not the might and wealth of the Tiemanns and Coopers. So, don’t
  be alarmed, dear Violet. Myself and Peter Cooper can protect you
  against the world. When did Simeon threaten to suspend you?

  _Violet_—Yesterday.

  _Dan_—Did he assign the cause?

  _Violet_—Because he thinks I love you better than him.

  _Dan_—How did he learn my intimacy with you?

  _Violet_—When you came to see me last week, he was sitting on the sofa
  with me, while you knocked at the door.

  _Dan_—Good gracious! And where did he go when I entered?

  _Violet_—He ran into the bed room, and got under the bed.

  _Dan_—Thunder and lightning! O, if I had only caught him. And why did
  you not tell me, my constant Violet?

  _Violet_—Because I feared you would kill him.

  _Dan_—You were right, and exercised great prudence, and probably saved
  his life, as I might have slain him. (Paces the room in great
  agitation.) Gods! I feel murderous! When do you again expect him?

  _Violet_—Never, as he emerged from under the bed in great anger, after
  you left, and cursed me long and fearfully, for keeping him under the
  bed so long, while you were permitted to enjoy the beauties of my
  person.

  _Dan_—What did he threaten when he left?

  _Violet_—To have me suspended immediately.

  _Dan_—I dare him to make the attempt. I would spend my last dollar to
  have you reinstated. And I will instantly depart for the city, and put
  wires in motion that will paralize his wicked purpose.

  _Violet_—I fear you are too late, as he left in a desperate rage, and
  has probably decapitated my Matron head already.

  _Dan_—I, too, am in a furious rage, and I am resolved to defeat his
  unhallowed project. So, a sweet adieu, my lovely Violet, and when we
  meet again, we’ll embrace and entwine our forms and hearts with
  unwonted hilarity and fervor.

  _Violet_—(Weeping). Good-by, sir.

  _Dan_—And why do you weep, my fair and gentle lady? Have I offended
  thee, sweet angel?

  _Violet_—No, but you were going to leave me without your wonted kiss.

  _Dan_—O, my pretty and tender Violet, do forgive my cruel mental
  absence. For my distracted mind was riveted on Simeon’s plots to
  destroy you. So, there, (kissing her), and there, and there, and—

  _Violet_—That will suffice. I fear your enthusiastic and endless
  kisses will again threaten me with strangulation. O, Daniel! Daniel!
  thou art a dear and fervent lover, and I do hope you will return
  to-morrow, and pass the night with thy devoted, and pensive, and
  lonely Violet!

  _Dan_—I will—I will:

                       And now a very brief adieu,
                       While I Sim Draper do pursue.

  (He goes towards the shore, and she fastens her tearful eyes on his
  prancing form, until it fades from her dismal view, and she retires to
  her lonely apartment, and weeps like the wretched Niobe.)

                            (To be continued.)

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                    _Stephen H. Branch’s Alligator._


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                   =NEW YORK, SATURDAY, JULY 24, 1858.=

                  *       *       *       *       *

  STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S “ALLIGATOR” can be obtained at all hours, at
  wholesale and retail, at No. 114 Nassau Street, (Second Story), near
  Ann Street, New York.

                  ------------------------------------


                       =My Indictment for Libel.=

  When I was a little boy, a classic youth passed me, on a bright summer
  day, in Westminster street, in Providence, Rhode Island, whose name
  was Sylvester S. Southworth. His cheeks were so rosy, and his form so
  beautiful, and his face so graceful, that I paused and gazed until he
  descended my farthest horizon. In later years, I formed his
  acquaintance, and he became my friend, and in all my vicissitudes, he
  has evinced the fidelity of an affectionate brother. When William Tell
  was about to hurl an arrow at the temples of his child, he inquired,
  in the presence of Gesler: “Have I a friend here?” when a brave youth
  leaped forth, and exclaimed: “Yes, Tell, you have,” which thrilled the
  populace with delight, and made Gesler tremble. On Wednesday last,
  when in custody of the Sheriff, and in pursuit of bail, I looked in
  the direction of Heaven, and I could see a friend there, in the spirit
  of my lamented Father, but in the cheerless pavement, and in the cold
  faces of the multitude, I could discern no friend, and my poor heart
  was bereft of its wonted buoyancy. But when Mr. Joyce, the kind
  hearted Sheriff, accompanied me to the editorial room of Sylvester S.
  Southworth, of the _New York Mercury_, and I inquired: “Have I a
  friend here?” he sprang and seized my hands, and exclaimed: “Yes,
  Branch, you have,” and he became my bail, and my heart bounded from
  the gloom of a dungeon, to the liberty of a mountain. For twenty
  years, I have gratuitously written for the public journals of New
  York. For seven years, I wrote the Reports of Alfred Carson, against
  Municipal thieves, including Mayor Tiemann, who was then an Alderman.
  For two years, I pursued George W. Matsell, Richard B. Connolly,
  George H. Purser, and other perjured aliens. What I have suffered
  through severe toil and illness and penury, in my pursuit of public
  plunderers, and unnaturalized aliens, no inspired mind can ever truly
  describe. For three months past, I have exposed such bogus
  philanthropists and public thieves and rakes as Peter Cooper and Mayor
  Tiemann and Simeon Draper. And I most solemnly swear, that I will
  never cease my exposition of public robbers and villains of every
  grade, until the arrow of death penetrates the core of my heart. The
  Press and the People may conspire against me, and a Jury may soon
  consign me to the solitude of a dungeon, but while I enjoy the
  blessings of liberty, I will hurl shafts of political death at such
  monsters as Cooper and Tiemann and Draper, who have bamboozled and
  plundered the people for thirty successive years. So, come on, ye
  incarnate demons, and (through power and gold and bribes, and packed
  juries, and your official vassals and ruffians,) drag your victim to a
  prison or the scaffold, but God has erected a wall between you and my
  soul, that the sabres and bullets and verdicts of your hired assassins
  can never penetrate.

                  *       *       *       *       *


         =Pirates on the Captive and Pauper and Crazy Islands.=

  Gov. Anderson recently officially declared, that Gov. Isaac J. Oliver
  was a public robber. So that we have plunderers and Mistresses and
  Rakes on Randall’s and the adjacent isles. I thought I felt the shock
  of an earthquake last night. O God! thou art most forbearing, to spare
  the Tiemanns and Olivers so long. And if one of Thy most awful
  physical visitations should level the habitations of these two wicked
  men, do, O do spare their spotless wives and precious little ones.
  Read, citizens, read, and go home at sunset, and bar your doors, and
  do not permit your wives and lovely daughters to leave your presence,
  after the first pretty little star appears. And warn them to beware of
  the Tiemanns and Olivers, when they cross their path, as poison and
  death are in their gaze, and amorous and thievish motions.

                  *       *       *       *       *


                 _From the New York Tribune of July 7._

  “_An Episode—How Contracts are Awarded_— In the course of a
  controversy about the iron work of the Island Hospital, some remarks
  passed between Messrs. Oliver and Anderson more piquant than polite.
  Gov. Anderson said he did not want to hold any intercourse with so
  corrupt a man. Gov. Oliver would not take any notice of such language,
  except to hurl it back with scorn in the teeth of the one that uttered
  it. He dared any one to name a single fact that would show that he was
  corrupt. Gov. Anderson said that he was guilty of a very corrupt act
  when, in opening the bids for certain iron work, he endeavored to
  induce his fellow members on the Committee to give the contract to a
  man who was not the lowest bidder, more especially as they had since
  discovered that two of that bidder’s tools—one of them his foreman,
  and the other a Methodist parson in his interest—were among the
  bidders.

  Gov. Oliver said he did not know anything about these two men; the
  reason he urged that the contract be awarded to his friend was because
  he liked to serve his friends, as the other Governors did theirs,
  (here several Governors protested against their names being called in
  question,) and because the lowest bidder did not do business in the
  city. Some other words passed between Messrs. Anderson and Oliver,
  evidently very much to the annoyance of the other members of the
  Board, who kept nervously remonstrating, and tried repeatedly, but in
  vain, to get the Board to adjourn.

  The discussion wound up by Gov. Oliver asserting that if any charges
  could be brought against his integrity, he hoped they would be
  referred to a Committee; either he or Gov. Anderson was evidently
  unfit to sit in the Board.

  Gov. Anderson said he was quite willing to refer the matter to a fair
  Committee, and if he did not substantiate the charge of corruption
  against Oliver, he would resign, provided that Oliver agreed, in case
  the charge was proved, to leave the Board.

  At this interesting juncture, an indignant demand for adjournment from
  Gov. Maloney prevailed, and the troubled waters once more resumed
  their wonted tranquillity.

  Subsequently the members opened the bids for the iron work on the
  Island Hospital. There were six bids, the highest being $26,875; the
  lowest, by J. B. & W. W. Cornell, $18,364.”

  Gov. Anderson assures me that Oliver is a very corrupt man, and that
  he will soon give me the evidence of his corruption, which I will
  publish as soon as I receive it. The firemen will grieve to learn that
  Gov. Anderson, their faithful Ex-Chief Engineer, is indisposed, and
  seeks the bracing air of Long Island for his restoration. Anderson and
  Carson led the firemen long and bravely, and of the million
  inhabitants around us, there are no two gallant spirits whom I more
  profoundly revere than Cornelius V. Anderson and Alfred Carson. Both
  are the soul of chivalry and honor. And may they ever prosper, and be
  healthy and happy, and be warmly cherished by the firemen and by all
  good citizens.


                  *       *       *       *       *

              _From the New York Express of Tuesday last._

  “A NOVEL REGATTA.—Last Saturday afternoon, quite a novel exhibition of
  aquatic skill came off at Blackwell’s Island, on the occasion of a
  boat race, gotten up under the auspices of some of the Governors of
  the Alms House. The boats are six oared barges used for conveying
  passengers from the various institutions on the Island to New York.
  The following were the entries which competed for sweepstakes:

                Boat             manned by    ent. money
                Alms House       vagrants             $5
                Work House        paupers              5
                Penitentiary      thieves              5
                Lunatic Asylum   lunatics              5
                                                    ––––
                                Sweepstakes          $20

  The race was around Blackwell’s Island, a distance of four miles,
  starting from a stake-boat moored off the Penitentiary wharf. The race
  was witnessed by the Governors and friends, and a large number of
  spectators on New York side of the East River. The Work House boat
  came in victor.

  After the race, Governors B. F. Pinckney, P. G. Maloney, and Isaac J.
  Oliver, with a large number of invited guests, sat down to a jolly
  good dinner, furnished by order of the Governors, at the Lunatic
  Asylum. The tables were supplied with every delicacy of the season,
  with an abundant supply of brandies, wines, champagne, &c. It has been
  hinted by some malicious persons, that the proceedings at table were
  worthy of the place where the feast was held.”

  These cruel and lazy Governors must have looked funny, sprawled on the
  velvet banks, with public rum and segars in their bladders and jaws,
  and obscenity and blasphemy in their filthy mouths, gazing at the
  unfortunate creatures, (rowing for their lives beneath a burning sun,)
  whom the public kindly placed under their supervision. What a gang of
  drones, and thieves, and squanderers, and unblushing scamps! O that
  Maloney and Pinckney and Oliver could be made to earn, by hard labor,
  a tithe of the thousands they rifle from the honest and industrious
  classes.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  The HARPERS are dead! They have played their last card, and sung their
  last lay! Their death was horrible and harrowing to their friends.
  Read their melancholy and most deplorable Obituary, on the first page
  of their _Weekly_ Journal of July 10, which contains the sprawling
  likeness of James Gordon Bennett, with a most glorious coat of
  whitewash over the sweet form of Helen Jewett, and a host of black
  mail imps and slaughtered victims of his vengeance and cupidity. Read,
  O read, and behold the price of a puff, and weep over the
  irrecoverable downfall of the Harpers, including James, the
  unnaturalized Englishman, who was an American Mayor! O, jokers and
  thimble riggers! where are you? Appear! appear! appear! and strive to
  crush your rivals!

                  *       *       *       *       *


                   =All is not sung from pious lung!=

  Mayor Tiemann is an Episcopalian:

                          If high or low,
                          Dam if I know,
                          Though deeds will show,
                          As vane the blow.

  The Harpers are smooth and quiet Methodists,

                             And value pence
                             More than defence
                             Of sacred Altars,
                             Or pious paupers.

  Gov. Oliver is a rough and noisy Methodist,

                       And blows wind like a bellows
                       To many verdant fellows,
                       While in Pauper contracts,
                       He seeks Robbers’ barracks.

                  *       *       *       *       *


                    =The Police and Public Robbers.=

  Now that Captains Leonard and Dowling are reinstated, and as new
  brooms sweep mighty clean, and as they will probably make more arrests
  and rip up more rascality than their associates during the next two
  months, I will direct their attention to the tax books, to ascertain
  the amount of taxes paid by De Forest and Tisdale before they
  established the Hunter Woodis Society. Also, what their associates
  paid. Accredited rumor says that all the members of the Hunter Woodis
  Society were drones and paupers before they began to collect indigent
  funds for the Hunter Woodis Society, and before they cunningly devised
  (in connection with Cooper, Tiemann, Gerard, and others) the Calico
  Balls at the Academy of Music and Crystal Palace. They now have their
  carriages, (gold and silver mounted,) and fast horses, and elegant
  mansions, and have even had the silly boldness to open an Ice Cream
  and Lager Bier Saloon, on a scale of dazzling splendor and
  unprecedented area, that would fascinate the Frenchman, and bewilder
  the German, and will astonish the American. So, just examine the tax
  books, Leonard and Dowling, and give me the startling statistics, and
  I will publish them. And I’ll bet largely in advance, that they were
  paupers until they stole and appropriated the fascinating and noble
  name of Woodis, to consummate their unhallowed schemes, to rob the
  Poor of the Metropolis. “That’s all,” as Dr. Wallace too often says at
  the close of his Junius editorials in the _Herald_:

                  O Doctor, Doctor, Doctor!
                  You are a funny Proctor!
                  O De Forest and Tisdale,
                  You’ll soon have worms, and grow pale.
                  Leonard and Dowling: To your task,
                  And in my rays, you yet may bask.

                  *       *       *       *       *




                    Advertisements—25 Cents a line.


  Credit—From two to four seconds, or as long as the Advertiser can hold
  his breath! Letters and Advertisements to be left at No. 114 Nassau
  street, second story, front room.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  NOTICE TO FARMERS AND MARKET GARDENERS.—CITY INSPECTOR’S DEPARTMENT,
  New York, June 16, 1858.—In conformity with the following resolution,
  the space therein mentioned will be permitted to be used as a place,
  by farmers and gardeners, for the sale of vegetables and garden
  produce, until the hour of 12 o’clock, M., daily—the use to be free of
  charge:

  Resolved, That permission be, and is hereby, given to farmers and
  market gardeners, to occupy daily, until 12 M., free of charge, the
  vacant space of the northern and southern extremities of the
  intersection of Broadway and Sixth avenue, between Thirty-second and
  Thirty-fifth streets, without infringing upon the streets which the
  said space intersects, for the purpose only of selling vegetables and
  market produce, of their own farms or gardens, under the supervision
  of the City Inspector.

  Also, by resolution of the Common Council, The use of Gouverneur slip
  is granted to farmers and gardeners for the sale of produce from
  wagons.

                                          GEO W. MORTON, City Inspector.
                                       JOSEPH CANNING, Sup’t of Markets.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  NOTICE—TO PERSONS KEEPING SWINE, OWNERS OF PROPERTY WHERE THE SAME MAY
  BE KEPT, AND ALL OTHERS INTERESTED. At a meeting of the Mayor and
  Commissioners of Health, held at the City Hall of the City of New
  York, Friday, June 18th, 1858, the following preamble and resolutions
  were adopted:

  Whereas, A large number of swine are kept in various portions of the
  city; and whereas, it is the general practice of persons so keeping
  swine, to boil offal and kitchen refuse and garbage, whereby a highly
  offensive and dangerous nuisance is created, therefore, be it

  Resolved. That this Board, of the Mayor and Commissioners of Health,
  deeming swine kept south of (86th) street, in this city, to be
  creative of a nuisance and detrimental to the public health,
  therefore, the City Inspector be, and he is hereby, authorized and
  directed to take, seize, and remove from any and all places and
  premises, all and every swine found or kept on any premises in any
  place in the city of New York southerly of said street, and to cause
  all such swine to be removed to the Public Pound, or other suitable
  place beyond the limits of the city or northerly of said street, and
  to cause all premises or places wherein, or on which, said swine may
  have been so found or kept, to be thoroughly cleaned and purified as
  the City Inspector shall deem necessary to secure the preservation of
  the public health, and that all expenses incurred thereby constitute a
  lien on the lot, lots or premises from which said nuisance shall have
  been abated or removed.

  Resolved, That the foregoing resolutions shall take effect from and
  after the first day of July next, and that public notice be given of
  the same by publication in the Corporation papers to that date, and
  that notice may be given to persons keeping swine by circulars
  delivered on the premises, and that all violations of this order be
  prosecuted by the proper legal authorities, on complaint from the City
  Inspector or his officers.

                                           CITY INSPECTOR’S DEPARTMENT,}
                                               New York, June 18, 1858.}

  All persons keeping swine, or upon whose property or premises the same
  may be kept, are hereby notified that the above resolutions will be
  strictly enforced from and after the first day of July next.

                                         GEO. W. MORTON, City Inspector.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  FRANCIS B. BALDWIN, WHOLESALE and RETAIL CLOTHING & FURNISHING
  WAREHOUSE, 70 and 72 Bowery, between Canal and Hester sts., New York.
  Large and elegant assortment of Youths’ and Boys’ Clothing.

                                                          F. B. BALDWIN,
                                                           J. G. BARNUM.

  F. B. BALDWIN has just opened his New and Immense Establishment. THE
  LARGEST IN THE CITY! An entire New Stock of GENTLEMEN’S, YOUTH’S and
  CHILDREN’S CLOTHING, recently manufactured by the best workmen in the
  city, is now opened for inspection. Also, a superior stock of
  FURNISHING GOODS. All articles are of the Best Quality, and having
  been purchased during the crisis, WILL BE SOLD VERY LOW! The Custom
  Department contains the greatest variety of CLOTHS, CASSIMERES, and
  VESTINGS.

  Mr. BALDWIN has associated with him Mr. J. G. BARNUM, who has had
  great experience in the business, having been thirty years connected
  with the leading Clothing Establishments of the city.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  THOMAS A. DUNN, 506 Eighth Avenue, has a very choice assortment of
  Wines, Brandies, Cordials, and Segars, which he will sell at prices
  that will yield a fair profit. All my democratic friends, and my
  immediate associates in the Boards of Aldermen and Councilmen are
  respectfully invited to call in their rambles through Eighth Avenue,
  and enjoy a good Havana segar, and nice, sparkling champagne, and very
  exhilarating brandy. For the segars, I will charge my political
  friends and associates only five pence each, and for the brandy only
  ten pence per half gill, and for the champagne only four shillings a
  glass, or two dollars a bottle.

             So call, kind friends, and sing a glee,
             And laugh and smoke and drink with me,
                           Sweet Sangaree
                           Till you can’t see:
                (_Chorus_—At your expense!
                           Which pays my rents,)
             For my fingers do you see
             O’er my nose gyrating free?
                      THOMAS A. DUNN, No. 506 Eighth avenue.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  JAMES DONNELLY’S COAL YARD,—Twenty-sixth street and Second Avenue. I
  always have all kinds of coal on hand, and of the very best quality,
  which I will sell as low as any other coal dealer in the United
  States.

                                                         JAMES DONNELLY.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  FOLEY’S CELEBRATED “GOLD PENS.”
      For sale by all Stationers and Jewellers.
           OFFICE AND STORE,
                163 BROADWAY.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  MRS. S. S. BIRD’S LADIES’ AND GENTLEMEN’S DINING AND OYSTER SALOONS,
  No. 31 Canal street, near East Broadway, and 264 Division street, New
  York. Oysters Pickled to Order.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  COREY AND SON, MERCHANT’S EXCHANGE, Wall street, New York.—Notaries
  Public and Commissioners.—United State’s Passports issued in 36
  hours,—Bills of Exchange, Drafts, and Notes protested,—Marine protests
  noted and extended.

                                                     EDWIN F. COREY,
                                                     EDWIN F. COREY, JR.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  J. VAN TINE, SHANGAE RESTAURANT, No. 2, Dey street, New York.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  S. & J. W. BARKER, GENERAL AUCTIONEERS & REAL ESTATE BROKERS. Loans
  negotiated, Houses and Stores Rented, Stocks and Bonds Sold at Auction
  or Private Sale.

  Also, FURNITURE SALES attended to at private houses. Office, 14 Pine
  street, under Commonwealth Bank.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  CARLTON HOUSE, 496 Broadway, New York. Bates and Holden, Proprietors.

                                                       THEOPHILUS BATES.
                                                       OREL J. HOLDEN.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  TRIMMING MANUFACTURERS.—B. S. YATES & CO., 639 Broadway, New York.

          Fringes, Cords, Tassels, Loops, Gimps, and Gimp Bands.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  WM. COULTER, Carpenter.—I have long been engaged as a Carpenter, and I
  assure all who will favor me with their patronage, that I will build
  as good houses, or anything else in my line, as any other carpenter in
  the city of New York. I will also be as reasonable in charges for my
  work as any other person.

               WILLIAM COULTER, Carpenter.
               Rear of 216 East Twentieth street, New York.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  GERARD BETTS & CO., AUCTION AND COMMISSION MERCHANTS, No. 106, Wall
  street, corner of Front street, New York.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  W. W. OSBORN, MERCHANT TAILOR, 9 Chamber street, near Chatham street,
  New York.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  SOLOMON BANTA, Architect, No. 93 Amos street, New York. I have built
  as many houses and stores as any Architect in this city, or the United
  States, and I can produce vouchers to that effect; and I flatter
  myself that I can build edifices that will compare favorably, in point
  of beauty and durability, with those of any architect in this country.
  I am prepared to receive orders in my line of business, at No. 93 Amos
  street, New York.

                                                          SOLOMON BANTA.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  ROBERT ONDERDONK—THIRTEENTH WARD HOTEL, 405 and 407 Grand street,
  corner of Clinton street, New York.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  WILLIAM M. TWEED, CHAIR, & OFFICE FURNITURE DEALER AND MANUFACTURER,

  No. 289 Broadway, corner of Read street, New York. Room No. 15.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  TRUSSES, ELASTIC STOCKINGS, SHOULDER BRACES, SUPPORTERS, BANDAGES, &c.
  H. L. Parsons, M.D. Office, 4 Ann street, under the Museum.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  FASHION HOUSE.—JOSEPH HYDE PROPRIETOR, corner Grand and Essex street.
  Wines, Liquors, and Cigars of the best brands. He invites his friends
  to give him a call. Prompt and courteous attention given his patrons.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  WILLIAM A. CONKLIN, ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW, No. 176 Chatham
  street, New York. Any business entrusted to his charge from citizens
  of this city or any part of the country, will receive prompt and
  faithful attention, and be conducted on reasonable terms.

                                                     WILLIAM A. CONKLIN.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  HERRING’S PATENT CHAMPION FIRE AND BURGLAR PROOF SAFE, with Hall’s
  Patent Powder Proof Locks, afford the greatest security of any Safe in
  the world. Also, Sideboard and Parlor Safes, of elegant workmanship
  and finish, for plate, &c. S. C. HERRING & CO.,

                                                           251 Broadway.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  JAMES MELENFY, (SUCCESSOR TO SAMUEL HOPPER,) Grocer, and Wholesale and
  Retail Dealer in Pure Country Milk. Teas, Coffee, Sugars & Spices.
  Flour, Butter, Lard, Cheese, Eggs &c. No. 158, Eighth Avenue, Near
  18th Street, New York. Families supplied by leaving their address at
  the Store.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  BOOT & SHOE EMPORIUMS, EDWIN A. BROOKS, Importer and Manufacturer of
  Boots, Shoes & Gaiters, Wholesale and Retail, No. 575 Broadway, and
  150 Fulton Street, New York.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  MCSPEDON AND BAKER’S STATIONERY WAREHOUSE AND ENVELOPE MANUFACTORY,
  Nos. 29, 31, and 33, Beekman Street, New York.

  ENVELOPES of all patterns, styles, and quality, on hand, and made to
  order for the trade and others, by Steam Machinery. Patented April
  8th, 1856.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  COZZENS’ HOTEL COACHES,—STABLE, Nos. 34 and 36 Canal Street, New York.

  I will strive hard to please all those generous citizens who will
  kindly favor me with their patronage.

                                                       EDWARD VAN RANST.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  J. W. MASON, MANUFACTURER, WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DEALERS in all kinds
  of Chairs, Wash Stands, Settees, &c. 377 & 379 Pearl Street, New York.

  Cane and Wood Seat Chairs, in Boxes, for Shipping.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  BENJAMIN JONES, COMMISSION DEALER, IN REAL ESTATE. Houses and stores
  and lots for sale in all parts of the city. Office at the junction of
  Broadway, Seventh Avenue, and Forty-Sixth Street.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  FULLMER AND WOOD, CARRIAGE MANUFACTURERS, 239 West 19th Street, New
  York.

  Horse-shoeing done with despatch, and in the most scientific manner,
  and on reasonable terms.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  EDWARD PHALON & SON, 497 and 517 Broadway, New York—Depots for the
  sale of Perfumery, and every article connected with the Toilet.

  We now introduce the “BOUQUET D’OGARITA, or Wild Flower of Mexico,”
  which is superior to any thing of the kind in the civilized world.

                                                    EDWARD PHALON & SON.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  SAMUEL SNEDEN, SHIP & STEAMBOAT BUILDER.—My Office is at No. 31
  Corlears street, New York; and my yards and residence are at
  Greenpoint. I have built Ships and Steamers for every portion of the
  Globe, for a long term of years, and continue to do so on reasonable
  terms.

                                                          SAMUEL SNEDEN.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  JOHN B. WEBB, BOAT BUILDER, 718 WATER STREET. My Boats are of models
  and materials unsurpassed by those of any Boat Builder in the World.
  Give me a call, and if I don’t please you, I will disdain to charge
  you for what does not entirely satisfy you.

                                                           JOHN B. WEBB.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  ALANSON T. BRIGGS—DEALER IN FLOUR BARRELS, MOLASSES CASKS, WATER, AND
  ALL OTHER KINDS OF CASKS. Also, new flour barrels and half-barrels; a
  large supply constantly on hand. My Stores are at Nos. 62, 63, 64, 69,
  73, 75, 77 and 79 Rutger’s Slip; at 235, 237, and 239 Cherry street;
  also, in South and Water streets, between Pike and Rutger’s Slip,
  extending from street to street. My yards in Williamsburgh are at
  Furman & Co.’s Dock. My yards in New York are at the corner of Water
  and Gouverneur streets; and in Washington street, near Canal; and at
  Leroy Place. My general Office is at 64 Rutger’s Slip.

                                                      ALANSON T. BRIGGS.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  FULTON IRON WORKS.—JAMES MURPHY & CO., manufacturers of Marine and
  Land Engines, Boilers, &c. Iron and Brass Castings. Foot of Cherry
  street, East River.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  BRADDICK & HOGAN, SAILMAKERS, No. 272 South Street, New York.

  Awnings, Tents, and Bags made to order.

                                                      JESSE A. BRADDICK,
                                                      RICHARD HOGAN.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  J. N. GENIN, FASHIONABLE HATTER, 214 Broadway, New York.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  GENIN’S LADIES’ & CHILDREN’S OUTFITTING BAZAAR, 513 Broadway, (St.
  Nicholas Hotel, N. Y.)

                  *       *       *       *       *

  WILLIAM M. SOMERVILLE, WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DRUGGIST AND APOTHECARY,
  205 Bleecker St., corner Minetta, opposite Cottage Place, New York.
  All the popular Patent Medicines, fresh Swedish Leeches, Cupping, &c.
  Physicians’ Prescriptions accurately prepared.

                                                      WM. M. SOMERVILLE.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  A. W. & T. HUME, MERCHANT TAILORS, No. 82 Sixth Avenue, New York. We
  keep a large and elegant assortment of every article that a gentleman
  requires. We make Coats, Vests and Pants, after the latest Parisian
  fashions, and on reasonable terms.

                                                        A. W. & T. HUME.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  THE WASHINGTON, BY BARTLETT & GATES, No. 1 Broadway, New York. Come
  and see us, good friends, and eat and drink and be merry, in the same
  capacious and patriotic halls where the immortal Washington’s voice
  and laugh once reverberated.

                       O come to our Hotel,
                       And you’ll be treated well.

                                                       BARTLETT & GATES.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  EXCELSIOR PRINTING HOUSE, 211 Centre St., is furnished with every
  facility, latest improved presses, and the newest styles of type—for
  the execution of Book, Job and Ornamental Printing. Call and see
  specimens.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  CHARLES FRANCIS, SADDLER, (ESTABLISHED IN 1808,) Sign of the Golden
  Horse, 39 Bowery, New York, opposite the Theatre. Mr. F. will sell his
  articles as low as any other Saddler in America, and warrant them to
  be equal to any in the World.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  H. N. WILD, STEAM CANDY MANUFACTURER, No. 451 Broadway, bet. Grand and
  Howard streets, New York. My Iceland Moss and Flaxseed Candy will cure
  Coughs and Sneezes in a very short time.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  JAMES GRIFFITHS, (Late CHATFIELD & GRIFFITHS,) No. 273 Grand St., New
  York. A large stock of well-selected Cloths, Cassimeres, Vestings,
  &c., on hand. Gent’s, Youths’ and Children’s Clothing, Cut and Made in
  the most approved style. All cheap for Cash.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  J. AGATE & CO., MEN’S FURNISHING GOODS AND SHIRT MANUFACTURERS, 256
  Broadway, New York.

  Shirts made to order and guaranteed to fit.

                     J. AGATE,     F. W. TALKINGTON.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  BILLIARD TABLES.—PHELAN’S IMPROVED BILLIARD TABLES AND COMBINATION
  CUSHIONS—Protected by letters patent, dated Feb. 19, 1856; Oct 28,
  1856; Dec. 8, 1857; Jan. 12, 1858. The recent improvements in these
  Tables make them unsurpassed in the world. They are now offered to the
  scientific Billiard players as combining speed with truth, never
  before obtained in any Billiard Table. Salesrooms Nos. 786 and 788
  Broadway, New York. Manufactory No. 53 Ann Street.

                               O’CONNOR & COLLENDOR, Sole Manufacturers.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  S. L. OLMSTEAD, IMPORTER, MANUFACTURER AND JOBBER OF MEN’S FURNISHING
  GOODS, No. 24 Barclay Street, corner of Church, New York.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  C. B. HATCH, HILLER & MERSEREAU, Importers and Jobbers of Men’s
  Furnishing Goods, and Manufacturers of the Golden Hill Shirts, 99
  Chambers Street, N.E. corner Church Street, New York.

                  *       *       *       *       *

  L. A. ROSENMILLER, DRUGGIST, No. 172 Eighth Avenue, New York. Cupping
  & Leeching. Medicines at all hours.

------------------------------------------------------------------------




  ● Transcriber’s Notes:
     ○ The table in “From the New York Express of Tuesday last” was
       reorganized to avoid ditto marks and to fit within the page
       width.
     ○ Missing or obscured punctuation was corrected.
     ○ Typographical errors were silently corrected.
     ○ Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only
       when a predominant form was found in this book.
     ○ Text that was in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_);
       text that was bold by “equal” signs (=bold=).





End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1,
No. 14, July 24, 1858, by Stephen H. Branch

*** 