First tranche of EKR's editorial pass, through 7.3.2 #2087

ekr · 2018-12-01T02:35:50Z

No description provided.

not when you create it.

rpaulo · 2018-12-02T18:28:43Z

draft-ietf-quic-transport.md

@@ -834,7 +835,7 @@ commitment.
 ## Controlling Concurrency {#controlling-concurrency}

 An endpoint limits the cumulative number of incoming streams a peer can open.
-Only steams with a stream id less than
+Only streams with a stream id less than


Capitalize ID while there?

martinthomson · 2018-12-02T23:16:51Z

draft-ietf-quic-transport.md

 operating systems and middleboxes.  QUIC authenticates all of its headers and
-encrypts most of the data it exchanges, including its signaling, to avoid
+encrypts most of the data it exchanges -- including its signaling -- to avoid


I hate em--dashes done this way.

Do you mean you don't want to use em-dashes here or that you would like me to use some other typographical convention than --

We're using hyphens instead of em-dashes... I used to write em-dashes, but @martinthomson normalized it all to hyphens, so he'll have to explain :-)

That said, I think commas seem more appropriate here. Ultimately, I suspect the RFC-Editor will want to say something here.

This is just what I learned from Professor Schulzrinne. If we had real em-dashes, I'd use them, but the budget version is just bad.

martinthomson · 2018-12-02T23:17:43Z

draft-ietf-quic-transport.md

@@ -383,7 +383,7 @@ data to a peer.
 ~~~
       o
       | Create Stream (Sending)
-       | Create Bidirectional Stream (Receiving)
+       | Remote Creates Bidirectional Stream


s/Remote/peer

Change the text below as well, for transition from Ready to Send

janaiyengar · 2018-12-05T00:32:11Z

draft-ietf-quic-transport.md

 operating systems and middleboxes.  QUIC authenticates all of its headers and
-encrypts most of the data it exchanges, including its signaling, to avoid
+encrypts most of the data it exchanges -- including its signaling -- to avoid


We're using hyphens instead of em-dashes... I used to write em-dashes, but @martinthomson normalized it all to hyphens, so he'll have to explain :-)

That said, I think commas seem more appropriate here. Ultimately, I suspect the RFC-Editor will want to say something here.

janaiyengar · 2018-12-05T00:51:06Z

draft-ietf-quic-transport.md

@@ -383,7 +383,7 @@ data to a peer.
 ~~~
       o
       | Create Stream (Sending)
-       | Create Bidirectional Stream (Receiving)
+       | Remote Creates Bidirectional Stream


Change the text below as well, for transition from Ready to Send

janaiyengar · 2018-12-05T00:51:42Z

draft-ietf-quic-transport.md

 that sends a STOP_SENDING frame can ignore the error code carried in any
 RESET_STREAM frame it receives.

 If the STOP_SENDING frame is received on a send stream that is already in the
-"Data Sent" state, a RESET_STREAM frame MAY still be sent in order to cancel
-retransmissions of previously-sent STREAM frames.
+"Data Sent" state, an endpoint which wishes to cease retransmission of


Suggested change

"Data Sent" state, an endpoint which wishes to cease retransmission of

"Data Sent" state, an endpoint that wishes to cease retransmission of

janaiyengar · 2018-12-05T00:53:02Z

draft-ietf-quic-transport.md

 connection to be delivered to the wrong endpoint.  Each endpoint selects
 connection IDs using an implementation-specific (and perhaps
 deployment-specific) method which will allow packets with that connection ID to
 be routed back to the endpoint and identified by the endpoint upon receipt.

-Connection IDs MUST NOT contain any information that can be used to correlate
+Connection IDs MUST NOT contain any information that can be used by to correlate


Suggested change

Connection IDs MUST NOT contain any information that can be used by to correlate

Connection IDs MUST NOT contain any information that can be used by an external observer to correlate

janaiyengar · 2018-12-05T00:54:40Z

draft-ietf-quic-transport.md

@@ -1337,7 +1339,8 @@ Source Connection IDs during the handshake.
 On first receiving an Initial or Retry packet from the server, the client uses
 the Source Connection ID supplied by the server as the Destination Connection ID
 for subsequent packets.  That means that a client might change the Destination
-Connection ID twice during connection establishment.  Once a client has received
+Connection ID twice during connection establishment, once in response to a
+Retry and once in response to the server's Initial. Once a client has received


Suggested change

Retry and once in response to the server's Initial. Once a client has received

Retry and once in response to the server's Initial packet. Once a client has received

janaiyengar · 2018-12-05T00:55:19Z

draft-ietf-quic-transport.md

@@ -1377,7 +1380,8 @@ of duplicate transport parameters as a connection error of type
 TRANSPORT_PARAMETER_ERROR.

 A server MUST include the original_connection_id transport parameter
-({{transport-parameter-definitions}}) if it sent a Retry packet.
+({{transport-parameter-definitions}}) if it sent a Retry packet, in
+order to enable validation of the Retry, as described in {{packet-retry}}.


remove "in order"

martinthomson · 2018-12-12T05:50:43Z

Merged manually.

ekr added 5 commits November 30, 2018 17:56

Punctuation

2fcfe3b

You transition to Ready when the remote creates a bidirectional stream,

c828c2d

not when you create it.

More clarifications

29aef24

Some more editorial cleanup and clarification

a6d479e

Fix build error

fcf2016

rpaulo reviewed Dec 2, 2018

View reviewed changes

martinthomson approved these changes Dec 2, 2018

View reviewed changes

janaiyengar reviewed Dec 5, 2018

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martinthomson added editorial An issue that does not affect the design of the protocol; does not require consensus. -transport labels Dec 11, 2018

martinthomson closed this Dec 12, 2018

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First tranche of EKR's editorial pass, through 7.3.2 #2087

First tranche of EKR's editorial pass, through 7.3.2 #2087

ekr commented Dec 1, 2018

rpaulo Dec 2, 2018

martinthomson Dec 2, 2018

ekr Dec 3, 2018

janaiyengar Dec 5, 2018

martinthomson Dec 12, 2018

martinthomson Dec 2, 2018

janaiyengar Dec 5, 2018

janaiyengar Dec 5, 2018

janaiyengar Dec 5, 2018

janaiyengar Dec 5, 2018

janaiyengar Dec 5, 2018

janaiyengar Dec 5, 2018

janaiyengar Dec 5, 2018

martinthomson commented Dec 12, 2018

	"Data Sent" state, an endpoint which wishes to cease retransmission of
	"Data Sent" state, an endpoint that wishes to cease retransmission of

	Connection IDs MUST NOT contain any information that can be used by to correlate
	Connection IDs MUST NOT contain any information that can be used by an external observer to correlate

	Retry and once in response to the server's Initial. Once a client has received
	Retry and once in response to the server's Initial packet. Once a client has received

First tranche of EKR's editorial pass, through 7.3.2 #2087

First tranche of EKR's editorial pass, through 7.3.2 #2087

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ekr commented Dec 1, 2018

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martinthomson commented Dec 12, 2018