A simple PHP extension to annoy your coworkers, now in a handy object-oriented style. The original PHP Arse extension is available at (http://github.com/simpleigh/php-arse/).
You can use the phpize facility to install the extension (http://php.net/manual/en/install.pecl.phpize.php).
phpize
./configure
make
sudo make install
This will create a shared library and install it to the PHP extensions directory. To load the extension within PHP add the following line to php.ini:
extension=arse2.so
Alternatively, on Debian systems, you might prefer to create a separate configuration file within /etc/php5/conf.d.
The extension creates a class Arse within the PHP global namespace with one method, output. This can be used to echo some offensive text:
$ php -r '$a = new Arse(); $a->output();'
You're an arse!
Passing an integer parameter to the function allows you to print more statements:
$ php -r '$a = new Arse(); $a->output(3);'
You're an arse!
You're an arse!
You're an arse!
Passing a non-integer parameter raises a PHP warning. Passing an integer less than zero raises a fatal error.
To deploy the extension on a similar system is easy: simply drop the extension and php.ini directive onto the target machine (you will need root access).
After a suitable interval (to avoid suspicion) commit a file including the new function, and watch as your colleague discovers what you really think of them.