benthecoder · benthecoder · Jul 18, 2025 · Jun 30, 2025 · Jul 18, 2025
diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
@@ -2,6 +2,8 @@
 
 ![home](public/images/home.jpeg)
 
+test
+
 A minimalistic blog built with Next.js, React, and TypeScript. It uses Markdown for content and features search functionality powered by vector embeddings.
 
 Design inspired by [James Quiambao](https://www.jquiambao.com/) and [Lee Robinson](https://github.com/leerob/leerob.io).

diff --git a/posts/160525.md b/posts/160525.md
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+---
+title: 'graduation day'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 16, 2025'
+---
+
+today is the big day. i didn't feel much excitement for it. but i'm happy my parents are here to experience it.
+
+woke up at 10 am and everyone was blasting my phone. brian came over and took meetings at my house. my parents came in. W came in after as well.
+
+we took the waymo to the st ignatious church. i went to pick up my regalia. it took a while to figure out how to put on the neck "scarf" thing.
+
+it was overwhelming outside the library, there were 3 ceremonies happening on the same day
+
+i saw my friends all in one room. everyone making sure they were well-dressed in their regalia.
+
+we walked into the church and everyone was filming at us and celebrating.
+
+after the long ceremony we all took photos with our loved ones.
+
+i'm glad i met everyone here.
+
+W's family and mine ate dinner at capitol restaurant.
+
+we got 2 plates of fried chicken wings, bitter melon with beef, pork ribs with black bean, red braised tofu, and deep fried cat fish.
diff --git a/posts/170525.md b/posts/170525.md
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+---
+title: 'llm for charts'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 17, 2025'
+---
+
+it took me an entire day just to refine plots for my presentation. i was drilling into every detail, the size of the axis, the labels, the color of the bars, the size of the bars, the alignment and spacing. LLMs are terrible at making nice plots on their first try. perhaps i was just missing the right prompts.
+
+i've been telling everyone i'm planning to do a PhD. and i'm starting to wonder if i truly know the weight of those words, and the responsiblity and stress that might come with actually commiting to it. i do enjoy research, and i love consuming info, and acting on it. but i'm also wondering if there are alternative options, not for comfort or sense of safety and security, but the ones that maximizes agency. how do i know if i'm on the right path unless i start on it? and when is it too late to figure it out?
+
+made a weekly review list of 10 questions, inspired by [b.k.](https://www.benkuhn.net/weekly/)
+
+1. what were my top 3 accomplishments this week?
+2. what did i read?
+3. what distracted me?
+4. how was my sleep? health?
+5. what am i grateful for this week?
+6. what challenge did i overcome?
+7. what did i learn this week?
+8. what surprised me?
+9. what brought me joy?
+10. am i progressing towards my long-term goals?
diff --git a/posts/180525.md b/posts/180525.md
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+---
+title: 'sunday links #13'
+tags: 'journal, links'
+date: 'May 18, 2025'
+---
+
+making
+
+- [Solution-space Taste](https://grantslatton.com/solution-space-taste)
+- [Handmade wonder • Buttondown](https://buttondown.com/thesephist/archive/handmade-wonder/)
+
+learn
+
+- [The Throughput of Learning](https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2017/01/31/the-throughput-of-learning/)
+- [How I think about learning - by Saurabh Shah](https://learnycurve.substack.com/p/how-i-think-about-learning)
+- [Q&A with William Stout: From our Friends at the Eames Institute — William Stout Architectural Books](https://stoutbooks.com/blogs/news/from-our-friends-at-kazam)
+
+ai
+
+- [My path into AI - by Nathan Lambert - Interconnects](https://www.interconnects.ai/p/my-path-into-ai)
+- [Improving Retrieval on Ramp with Transaction Embeddings — Ramp Builders Blog](https://builders.ramp.com/post/transaction-embeddings)
+- [Why We Think | Lil'Log](https://lilianweng.github.io/posts/2025-05-01-thinking/)
+- [A Meticulous Guide to Advances in Deep Learning Efficiency over the Years | Alex L. Zhang](https://alexzhang13.github.io/blog/2024/efficient-dl/)
diff --git a/posts/190525.md b/posts/190525.md
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+---
+title: 'japanese tea garden'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 19, 2025'
+---
+
+we rode the waymo to japanese tea garden before 9 am so it's still free to enter.
+
+we then walked to conservatory of flowers, hoping for flowers, but it's tropical plants instead. the flowers outside were still being planted.
+
+we took the second waymo to city hall to take some pictures. many happy couples were taking wedding photos.
+
+we left to eat at zen yai, a thai restaurant in tenderloin. i had pineapple fried rice, reminds me of the thai food i used to have back at home.
+
+we walked to books inc. parents were falling asleep at a bench. the shop owner held a dog in his arms. i want to own a cat bookstore / cafe.
+
+we took our third waymo back home.
+
+i cooked w mom and watched some of mission impossible rouge nation. we talked of watching the last ever one in the series when i go back home to malaysia.
diff --git a/posts/200525.md b/posts/200525.md
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+---
+title: 'first day of summer mod'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 20, 2025'
+---
+
+i went to see my parents at hotel des arts and ordered lyft for them to the airport, they're going to iowa to be with my sister.
+
+i watched final destination during lunch, the curiosity drove me to watch it. it's an itch that i wanted to scratch, to see how gory it can get. the mri scene will stick in mind whenever i go to the hospital. i wonder how realistic it is.
+
+it's my last semester of the program, and my last class ever. the semester passed by quickly, most of it was stressing out about jobs. now the final summer module will be about finalizing my plans.
+
+i started coding the tauri app for papertrail but i kept facing 500 errors.
+
+i also couldn't sleep this night. i laid awake fearing death and not amounting to anything before i die again. i felt like i wasted the entire year accomplishing nothing. i felt like i've grown too dependent on others and that my life revolves around T and my goals are too attached to her. if she's gone from my life, what happens to me? how do i self-differentiate?
diff --git a/posts/210525.md b/posts/210525.md
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+---
+title: 'yes man'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 21, 2025'
+---
+
+> "Love her."  
+> "You don't understand. the feeling of love just isn't there."  
+> "Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."  
+> "But how do you love when you don't love?"  
+> "My friend , love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”
+>
+> ― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
+
+i watched yes man and liar liar. both are comfort movies that brings laughter to my soul. i like the concept of yes man, that to an extent, saying yes to more things will get you out of your shell, and lead you to unexpected connections and opportunities. it's a promise to yourself to change.
+
+i walked to ferry building to get some work done. i wrote up notes for what to say in my presentation tomorrow and caught up on my blogs. i walked around the shops, looking for things to buy for T's parents. everything is pricey here. i wish they had free wifi, ferry building would be the best (free) cowork space if so, i like watching the sea and the island and the bridge.
diff --git a/posts/220525.md b/posts/220525.md
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+---
+title: 'practicum presentation'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 22, 2025'
+---
+
+i felt nervous, i've never presented my research before. but this served as a good practice for my presentation at AAPM. the stakes are higher there. i was practicing on the way to campus, and continued doing so by entering into a private room. the entire presentation is 15 minutes, and i kept failing to practice until the end because of how long it is. i kept improvising and adapting, thinking how this could be explained simpler, how to make it less strenuous for the audience to understand, and have it be lighter for them, after a day of presentations. i did not want to increase their cognitive load, so i introduced more examples, more explanations in simple terms, more rhetorical questions.
+
+when it was my turn i felt calm, just seconds before i went up i decided i would share my presentation was accepted into AAPM, i felt it would boost the look on MSDS and the practicum. i do believe i lucked out, or more accurately, i believe it was God's provision that i got to partner with UCSF, which led me down this potential road of PhD.
+
+i remember minutes into my presentation, i started getting tired. i wonder how professors lecture for 2 hours, and that's just one class, how they do it the entire day i do not understand. 10 mninutes in, i wanted to stop speaking, i was listening to my own voice, cringing at how it sounds and vibrates across the room, i thought about how people are getting bored, and i should wrap it up quickly. i thought about how people don't care about what i have to say at all. but stripping away all the insecurities, i felt at peace, i wasn't nervous, only careful about what i had to say. since i didn't practice the ending enough, and fumbled it, but the entire presentation went well. i was apparently one of the finalist for bets presentation, and a director even reached out for an interview.
+
+i wonder how different the AAPM one would be, would i be on stage? would i get tougher questions that i can't answer? there will be a lot of uncertanties, but one thing i can be sure is i will be well-prepared and groomed by my professor, and that i will do my best.
diff --git a/posts/230525.md b/posts/230525.md
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+---
+title: 'sharing burdens'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 23, 2025'
+---
+
+i stressed about lc because of the news of the interview. it's all a matter of perspective, i can see it as a good thing that i got an interview, but it's also a bad thing that i might fail, and i see all the time that i have to pour into practicing, and it may not deliver the results i expect. everything is about sacrifice, and what i decide to invest my time in, it determines the person i become. every choice holds weight, and that gives me the hardest time when making decisions. sometimes all i should do is take a leap of faith.
+
+i felt down again and didn't feel like talking. we all went to play trains at J's. i got to meet miso. i did not know poodles like eating chestnuts. i'm glad to have friends who care, i always feel deep down that nobody cares, and my problems are my own to bear. but that's a failure mode, because if someone is willing to listen, don't shut them off. the world is cruel and dark, and if you have even one person to bear your burdens with with, that's one of the greatest blessings in the world, better than what the riches of the world can offer. and it's a glimmer of what jesus offered when he walked on our world.
diff --git a/posts/240525.md b/posts/240525.md
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+---
+title: 'vibe blogging'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 24, 2025'
+---
+
+> “Happiness is really just about four things: perceived control, perceived progress, connectedness (number and depth of your relationships), and vision/meaning (being part of something bigger than yourself).”
+>
+> – Tony Hsieh
+
+i got an idea from YC's [Startup Ideas You Can Now Build With AI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4s6Cgicw_A&t=1s) video. Gary talked about a blogging platform you can vibe blog. it was inspired from this blog post by [Pete Koomen](https://koomen.dev/essays/horseless-carriages/), about horseless carriages.
+
+i believe the premise is think of a blog platform where writers can "vibe" their way through writing by applying different prompts that are tuned to their writing style? it would be powerful if the reader also has their own custom promtps that are tuned to their reading preferences. a platform that adapts to whoever is laying eyes on it.
diff --git a/posts/250525.md b/posts/250525.md
@@ -0,0 +1,15 @@
+---
+title: 'sunday links #14'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 25, 2025'
+---
+
+a few youtube videos i found interesting this week on ai for science, creativity, storytelling, and more.
+
+- [How Does Claude 4 Think? – Sholto Douglas & Trenton Bricken](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64lXQP6cs5M)
+- [AI for Science with Sir Paul Nurse, Demis Hassabis, Jennifer Doudna, and John Jumper](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQKmVhLIGcs)
+- [Building Confidence In Yourself and Your Ideas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al-15mMAS18)
+- [Behind the lens: AI, creativity, and the future of filmmaking tools](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNwaU0w3NS8)
+- [Darren Aronofsky and Demis Hassabis on storytelling in the age of AI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJllI3jMEb4)
+- [Demis Hassabis and Veritasium's Derek Muller talk AI, AlphaFold and human intelligence](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fe2adi-OWV0&t=552s)
+- [Is Human Data Enough? With David Silver](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzXyPGEtseI&t=300s)
diff --git a/posts/260525.md b/posts/260525.md
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+---
+title: 'ritual coffee roasters'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 26, 2025'
+---
+
+went to valencia st to cowork with adrian. we went to ritual coffee. a fair warning to those who decides to work out of this cafe, there is no wifi.
+
+i came here with the purpose of buying SF coffee for T's parents. i took pictures of all the coffee and chocolate and sent it to her. to make sure my gift aligns with their taste profiles.
+
+later this day, J came with W to discuss about the offer. the negotiation happened in person. it's tough to navigate around money talk.
+
+after that we went to dog eared books for a postcard for the parents. and j gave us a ride home. i talked about how i wanted to start as soon as possible to start getting paid. but i had a feeling i just wanted the money and assurance more than anything.
diff --git a/posts/270525.md b/posts/270525.md
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+---
+title: 'mailing taxes'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 27, 2025'
+---
+
+i didn't earn any income in the past year during my masters. so taxes were a lot simpler. i just had to file the 8843 document. i went to USPS with A to mail the tax forms. i had to google what to write on the front of the letter. an american woman arrived 5 mins after USPS closed, she tried to enter the building, but a worker told her it's closed. the woman proceeded to argue that people were still in the building, and she was frustrated, she banged on the door a few times and left in anger. i don't think that behavior is something i will ever see in asia.
diff --git a/posts/280525.md b/posts/280525.md
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+---
+title: 'dinner w inklink'
+tags: 'journal'
+date: 'May 28, 2025'
+---
+
+> What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?
+> – Mark 8:36, NIV
+
+went to cowork at clement st with A. we went to [Diamond Coffee n' Pastry](https://maps.app.goo.gl/dWxRaZQS6y74pC9k8). i was working on homework. i can't wait for these easily ai solvable assignments to be over. my dad paid $80k for my past year in SF not for my education, but for working with UCSF. this research opened so many doors for me.
+
+a little girl came in with his dad with glee. she was singing a tune. 5 minutes later, a homeless man came in near closing time and asked for coffee, and when denied, started to swear. and banged on the door as he left. i thought this was the nice part of SF.
+
+i had dinner at [Pasta Supply Co](https://maps.app.goo.gl/4xxFTrMgFHtpu8eg9). they welcomed me. we talked abou the most exotic foods we've had. C drove us home and asked me about where i worked at before this. i realize i'm a one question one answer guy. i'm not usually inclined to tell people more than what's necessary. i'm not a yapper. and that is a good thing in some cases, and a weakness in others. i'm learning how to be warm and likable at the right times. i'm very selective to who i interact with, because my energy is scarce. it's a tough life being an introvert in an extroverted world.
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     ![home](public/images/home.jpeg)
+    test
     A minimalistic blog built with Next.js, React, and TypeScript. It uses Markdown for content and features search functionality powered by vector embeddings.
     Design inspired by [James Quiambao](https://www.jquiambao.com/) and [Lee Robinson](https://github.com/leerob/leerob.io).
@@ Expand Down @@