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The unofficial patch notes for Windows 69, which may or may not exist. If you want to contribute, open a PR.

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Windows 69 Patch Notes (Unofficial)

Quality of Life

  • Due to users commonly forgetting keyboard shortcuts, pressing any non-letter key will now open a keyboard shortcuts list in a new window. This window will appear on top of all active windows and will automatically focus itself.
  • Users are now able to set animated wallpapers, however, this addon will cost $50 USD.
  • To make the screen feel less cluttered, users can now have a maximum of 3 windows open at a time.
  • All text is now displayed in Comic Sans for better readability.
  • Command Prompt and Powershell have been removed to make it easier for new users.
  • All apps and features are now set to light theme for better visibility.
  • Passwords are now displayed on the lock screen to prevent users from forgetting them.
  • Solitaire is now the only game because it is fun and people should play it more.
  • Since file extensions are too confusing, all files now have the same format.
  • The date and time on the right side of the taskbar will now be displayed as a Unix Epoch timestamp to the nearest nanosecond for more accuracy.

Security

  • Windows Defender will now take up more CPU to make it look like it's doing something useful.
  • All apps that download data from external sources are now blocked due to potential security risks. This includes web browsers.
  • To make sure viruses cannot hide files, all files are now stored in the root directory.
  • If a potential security threat is detected, the entire PC will be factory reset immediately.

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The unofficial patch notes for Windows 69, which may or may not exist. If you want to contribute, open a PR.

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