Submit a Zazen

Open a pull request that adds a single YAML file under content/zazen/. That's it.

Quickstart

git clone https://github.com/ahoward/a16zee
cd a16zee
npm install

Create content/zazen/<your-slug>.yml:

slug: your-slug              # url-safe, lowercase, hyphens. matches the filename.
title: "Your Title Cased"    # displayed on the permalink page and in the OG image
author: "Punny Authorname"   # phonetic homophone of a real venture-adjacent figure
author_real: "real name"     # who you're parodying. lowercase. no link, no @.
body: |                      # exactly three lines. 5 / 7 / 5 syllables, traditional.
  line one. five.
  line two should be seven, yes
  line three. five again.
motif: "rolled-bill"         # one of the available motifs (see below)
caption: "EXHIBIT XIII · YOUR CAPTION HERE"
created: "2026-05-08"

Then build and preview:

npm run build
# open public/zazen/<your-slug>/index.html and .../og.png to eyeball the result

Open a PR. We'll review for:

• 5/7/5. Traditional haiku syllable count. We will count.
• It's actually funny. Mid haikus get rejected. Mid is the enemy.
• Punny but not punching down. Homophones of real figures, fine. Real figures with sex-crime convictions, jail time for fraud-against-people, or otherwise documented-victim issues — no. We're parodying the aesthetic, not licensing libel.
• No slurs, no harassment, no targeting private people. This site exists to dunk on a particular class of public-figure VC, not on individuals' families, employees, or bystanders.

Available motifs

Each motif maps to a different cocaine-pastiche illustration in the OG image:

motif	what it draws
rolled-bill	rolled bill with $1M / SAFE NOTE / NO DECK
polaroid	polaroid frame, blank, "developed in the bathroom"
mirror-rails	tabletop with two horizontal rails
ledger-paper	green ledger sheet with absurd line items
stack-of-paper	a deck v47 nobody will read
chain-pendant	gold chain with terminal-cursor pendant
speech-bubble	giant pull-quote in monospace
calendar-grid	10-week curriculum, every day x'd out
parking-stripe	dark parking lot, spot 47, 3:00 am
gift-wrap	"platform" wrapped in a bow
x-marks-spot	giant red X over the word MID
git-graph	branching graph ending in push --force

Want a new motif? Add it to scripts/build.js (motifs object) in the same PR. SVG art only. Black on white. No raster, no glassmorphism.

What gets generated

For each content/zazen/<slug>.yml:

• public/zazen/<slug>/index.html — permalink page with full OG/Twitter card meta
• public/zazen/<slug>/og.png — 1200×630 PNG used in social unfurls
• public/zazen/index.html — re-rendered index of all haikus
• public/zazen/manifest.json — used by the landing page modal to pick a random one

You don't commit the generated files in public/zazen/. CI handles that on merge.

Style notes

• All-lowercase haiku body. Capital letters break the trance.
• Periods optional. Em-dashes welcome. Semi-colons forbidden.
• Don't use the word "disrupt." We mean it.
• Rhyming is allowed but suspicious.

Secrets / forking

If you fork this repo and want CI to deploy your own preview, copy .env.example to .env, fill in the values, and run gh lockbox dotenv push .env. See .env.example for what each secret is for and how to provision it. .env is .gitignored — never commit it.

Licensing

By submitting, you agree your contribution is licensed under MIT (same as the repo). You also accept that some VC associate may see this and tweet about it, which is karma you're choosing to invite.

#vcevil