spank

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Slap your MacBook, it yells back.

"this is the most amazing thing i've ever seen" — @kenwheeler

"I just ran sexy mode with my wife sitting next to me...We died laughing" — @duncanthedev

"peak engineering" — @tylertaewook

Uses sensors to detect physical hits on your laptop and plays audio responses. Single binary, cross-platform.

Requirements

macOS

• macOS on Apple Silicon (M2+)
• sudo (for IOKit HID accelerometer access)

Linux

• Linux with PortAudio support
• libportaudio2-dev and portaudio19-dev packages
• Microphone (to detect slaps via audio)

Windows

• Windows 10/11
• Microphone (to detect slaps via audio)
• No additional dependencies required

Install

Download from the latest release.

Or build from source:

go install github.com/taigrr/spank@latest

Or clone and build with Make:

git clone https://github.com/albertofwb/spank.git
cd spank
make build

Usage

macOS

# Normal mode — says "ow!" when slapped
sudo spank

# Sexy mode — escalating responses based on slap frequency
sudo spank --sexy

# Halo mode — plays Halo death sounds when slapped
sudo spank --halo

Linux

# Normal mode — says "ow!" when you make a loud sound
spank

# Sexy mode — escalating responses
spank --sexy

# Halo mode — Halo death sounds
spank --halo

# Adjust detection threshold (default: 2000, higher = less sensitive)
spank --threshold 3000

Linux Note: The microphone is used to detect loud sounds (like slapping the laptop). Make sure your microphone is not muted and has reasonable volume.

Hide ALSA warnings: PortAudio may output ALSA debug messages. Run with 2>/dev/null to hide them:

spank 2>/dev/null
spank --threshold 3000 2>/dev/null

Windows

# Normal mode — says "ow!" when you make a loud sound
spank.exe

# Sexy mode — escalating responses
spank.exe --sexy

# Halo mode — Halo death sounds
spank.exe --halo

# Adjust detection threshold (default: 2000, higher = less sensitive)
spank.exe --threshold 3000

Windows Note: The microphone is used to detect loud sounds. Make sure your microphone is enabled in Windows Privacy settings.

Threshold tuning: If detection is too sensitive, increase --threshold (e.g., 3000-5000). If not sensitive enough, decrease it (e.g., 1000-1500).

Hide ALSA warnings: PortAudio may output ALSA debug messages. Run with 2>/dev/null to hide them:

spank 2>/dev/null
spank --threshold 3000 2>/dev/null

Modes

Pain mode (default): Randomly plays from 10 pain/protest audio clips when a slap is detected.

Sexy mode (--sexy): Tracks slaps within a rolling 5-minute window. The more you slap, the more intense the audio response. 60 levels of escalation.

Halo mode (--halo): Randomly plays from death sound effects from the Halo video game series when a slap is detected.

Building

Auto-detect platform

make build

Cross-compile (from Linux)

make cross-compile

Install to system

make install

Run directly

make run          # Normal mode
make run-sexy     # Sexy mode
make run-halo     # Halo mode

Running as a Service (macOS)

To have spank start automatically at boot, create a launchd plist. Pick your mode:

Pain mode (default)

sudo tee /Library/LaunchDaemons/com.taigrr.spank.plist > /dev/null << 'EOF'
<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>
<!DOCTYPE plist PUBLIC "-//Apple//DTD PLIST 1.0//EN"
  "http://www.apple.com/DTDs/PropertyList-1.0.dtd">
<plist version="1.0">
<dict>
    <key>Label</key>
    <string>com.taigrr.spank</string>
    <key>ProgramArguments</key>
    <array>
        <string>/usr/local/bin/spank</string>
    </array>
    <key>RunAtLoad</key>
    <true/>
    <key>KeepAlive</key>
    <true/>
    <key>StandardOutPath</key>
    <string>/tmp/spank.log</string>
    <key>StandardErrorPath</key>
    <string>/tmp/spank.err</string>
</dict>
</plist>
EOF

Sexy mode

sudo tee /Library/LaunchDaemons/com.taigrr.spank.plist > /dev/null << 'EOF'
<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>
<!DOCTYPE plist PUBLIC "-//Apple//DTD PLIST 1.0//EN"
  "http://www.apple.com/DTDs/PropertyList-1.0.dtd">
<plist version="1.0">
<dict>
    <key>Label</key>
    <string>com.taigrr.spank</string>
    <key>ProgramArguments</key>
    <array>
        <string>/usr/local/bin/spank</string>
        <string>--sexy</string>
    </array>
    <key>RunAtLoad</key>
    <true/>
    <key>KeepAlive</key>
    <true/>
    <key>StandardOutPath</key>
    <string>/tmp/spank.log</string>
    <key>StandardErrorPath</key>
    <string>/tmp/spank.err</string>
</dict>
</plist>
EOF

Halo mode

sudo tee /Library/LaunchDaemons/com.taigrr.spank.plist > /dev/null << 'EOF'
<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>
<!DOCTYPE plist PUBLIC "-//Apple//DTD PLIST 1.0//EN"
  "http://www.apple.com/DTDs/PropertyList-1.0.dtd">
<plist version="1.0">
<dict>
    <key>Label</key>
    <string>com.taigrr.spank</string>
    <key>ProgramArguments</key>
    <array>
        <string>/usr/local/bin/spank</string>
        <string>--halo</string>
    </array>
    <key>RunAtLoad</key>
    <true/>
    <key>KeepAlive</key>
    <true/>
    <key>StandardOutPath</key>
    <string>/tmp/spank.log</string>
    <key>StandardErrorPath</key>
    <string>/tmp/spank.err</string>
</dict>
</plist>
EOF

Note: Update the path to spank if you installed it elsewhere (e.g. ~/go/bin/spank).

Load and start the service:

sudo launchctl load /Library/LaunchDaemons/com.taigrr.spank.plist

Since the plist lives in /Library/LaunchDaemons and no UserName key is set, launchd runs it as root — no sudo needed.

To stop or unload:

sudo launchctl unload /Library/LaunchDaemons/com.taigrr.spank.plist

How it works

macOS

1. Reads raw accelerometer data directly via IOKit HID (Apple SPU sensor - Bosch BMI286 IMU)
2. Runs vibration detection (STA/LTA, CUSUM, kurtosis, peak/MAD)
3. When a significant impact is detected, plays an embedded MP3 response
4. 500ms cooldown between responses to prevent rapid-fire

Linux

1. Captures audio from microphone using PortAudio (continuous stream)
2. Analyzes audio amplitude in real-time to detect loud sounds (slaps)
3. When a sound exceeds the threshold, plays an embedded MP3 response
4. 500ms cooldown between responses

Platform Differences

Feature	macOS	Linux	Windows
Sensor	Accelerometer (IOKit HID)	Microphone (PortAudio)	Microphone (PortAudio)
Requires sudo	Yes (IOKit access)	No	No
Hardware	Apple Silicon M2+	Any with microphone	Any with microphone
Trigger	Physical impact	Loud sound	Loud sound

Credits

• Sensor reading and vibration detection ported from olvvier/apple-silicon-accelerometer
• Cross-platform adaptation with microphone support for Linux

License

MIT