List of No Such Thing as a Fish Episodes

Andrew edited this page Oct 15, 2018 · 61 revisions

1. No Such Thing as a Pilot Fish (2014-03-08)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The Large Hadron Collider was turned off for a short period of time because a piece of baguette was found in the machinery. (Harkin)
  • For the last month of his life, James A. Garfield ate everything through his anus. (Ptaszynski)
  • In 2013, six people in the United States named their child "Mushroom". (Harkin)
  • The person who found Richard III of England's bones, Philippa Langley, was not an archeologist, but a screenwriter. (Schreiber)

2. No Such Thing As Death By Acne (2014-03-14)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first ever sandwich that we know about contained wine. (Ptaszynski)
  • In 2003, three people in Mexico were officially listed as having died of acne. (Harkin)
  • Amongst the other scientists called Einstein there is M.E. Einstein who came up with a formula for predicting the composition of a pork carcass, and Rosemary Einstein who co-investigated the use of cannabis, alcohol and tobacco on 300 young persons at her university. (Schreiber)
  • The first contact lenses cost as much as a car. (Murray)

3. No Such Thing As The Middle Ages (2014-03-21)

Presenters: Harkin, Ptaszynski, Schreiber, Alex Edelman and Greg Jenner

  • The earliest known dentistry is 9,000 years old. (Jenner)
  • According to the phantom time hypothesis, the Middle Ages never happened. (Schreiber)
  • The most indispensable sea creature in the United States is the horseshoe crab, due to its blood being used for medical purposes. (Edelman)
  • 28 women were known to have slept in the same bedroom as Elizabeth I of England. (Harkin)

4. No Such Thing As The Mountains of Kong (2014-03-28)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • 30 million Chinese people live in caves. (Schreiber)
  • There is a banker in Latvia who will lend you money using your immortal soul as security. (Harkin)
  • For 100 years, almost all maps of Africa contained a mountain range that did not exist, called the Mountains of Kong. (Ptaszynski)
  • Male Pennsylvania grass spiders are more likely to approach a female for sex if she has recently killed and eaten another male. (Murray)

5. No Such Thing As A Kiss (2014-04-04)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Rats, namely Josephoartigasia monesi, were once the size of hippos. (Ptaszynski)
  • During his 27-year reign, Pope John Paul II took over 100 skiing vacations. (Schreiber)
  • 100 years ago a quarter of the residents of New York City would move house on every single 1 May, at exactly 9am. (Harkin)
  • Nobody knows why we kiss. (Murray)

6. No Such Thing As One Direction in North Korea (2014-04-11)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Molly Oldfield and Marc Abrahams

  • Some plastic surgeons operated on a Belgian man to make him look more like Michael Jackson. (Abrahams)
  • The largest Viking ship ever discovered was found when renovating the Roskilde Viking Ship Museum (Oldfield)
  • The tobacco hornworm uses extremely bad halitosis to protect itself. (Murray)
  • During this podcast you could have fallen asleep up to five times and not have known about it. (Harkin)

7. No Such Thing As The Loch Ness Monster (2014-04-18)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • A computer game has been invented that takes more than a lifetime to complete. (Harkin)
  • 2013 was the first year since 1933 where there has been no sighting of the Loch Ness Monster. (Schreiber)
  • The French government forced Madame Tussaud to make models of her friends' decapitated heads. (Ptaszynski)
  • During the Normandy landings the Allied Forces dropped dogs by parachute onto the battlefield. (Murray)

8. No Such Thing As A Swear Word on the Moon (2014-04-25)

Presenters: Harkin, Ptaszynski, Schreiber and Alex Bell

  • One of the last things that NASA had to do before launching space shuttles was to detach their inflatable owls that were used to scare woodpeckers. (Bell)
  • The music used on the You Wouldn't Steal a Car anti-piracy advert was stolen by the people who made the advert. (Schreiber)
  • According to the government website of the Czech Republic there are three symbols of Easter in the country: Easter eggs, the Easter lamb and whipping. (Harkin)
  • At Earl's Court tube station, in 1911, a one-legged man named "Bumper Harris" was hired to ride the escalator. (Ptaszynski)

9. No Such Thing As A Word For 'Silent Fart' (2014-05-02)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • It was fashionable in New York City at the end of 19th century for women to wear live lizards as brooches. (Harkin)
  • Codebreaker Alan Turing lost his buried treasure when he could not crack his own code. (Schreiber)
  • In 2011, the largest sperm bank in the world stopped accepting sperm from redheads. (Ptaszynski)
  • The English language has more words borrowed from the Hawaiian language than it does from the Welsh language. (Murray)

10. No Such Thing As A Soggy Monk (2014-05-09)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Schreiber, Anne Miller and Eric Lampaert

  • In 1923, jockey Frank Hayes won a race, despite dying of a heart attack while riding his horse. (Lampaert)
  • Some Buddhist monks run marathons to achieve enlightenment. (Schreiber)
  • The Slovakian and Slovenian embassies in Washington D.C. meet once a month to exchange wrongly addressed mail. (Harkin)
  • In the 18th century there were medicines called "Alan's Nipple Liniment", "Grimstone's Eye Snuff", "Miller's Worm Plums" and "Italian Bosom Friend". (Murray)

11. No Such Thing As A Doorknob in Vancouver (2014-05-16)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The words "Tory" and "Prime Minister" both started out as insults. (Murray)
  • In a 2005 questionnaire about substance abuse, almost one in five people taking part admitted to taking a drug that did not exist called derbisol. (Ptaszynski)
  • Sea otters have a secret pocket in their armpit where they like to keep their favourite stones. (Schreiber)
  • In Vancouver it is illegal to put a doorknob on the front door of a house as it is harder for people to open if they suffer from arthritis. (Harkin)

12. No Such Thing As A 164 Foot Tall Gorilla-Whale (2014-05-23)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • If the 2014 version of Godzilla really existed, it would produce 12.9 million gallons of urine a day. (Harkin)
  • The real Long John Silver – William Ernest Henley, was the father of the real Wendy Darling – Margaret Henley. (Ptaszynski)
  • The tin foil hat worn by conspiracy theorists to stop the government sending messages into their brains actually has the opposite effect. It amplifies the signal. (Schreiber)
  • Geese sometimes fly upside-down to lose height quickly when they come into land. (Murray)

13. No Such Thing As A Funny Nazi (2014-05-30)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski, Schreiber and Lieven Scheire

  • During World War II, the Nazi Party employed two official Nazi comedians called Tran and Helle. (Scheire)
  • The Philippine Basketball Association, the second oldest such association in the world, has ten teams in total, including the Rain or Shine Elasto Painters, the San Miguel Beermen, and the Talk 'N Text Tropang Texters. (Schreiber)
  • If you get a zebrafish drunk, and put that zebrafish in a tank full of sober zebrafish, the sober ones will follow the drunk one around. (Ptaszynski)
  • The youngest woolly mammoths are younger than the oldest Egyptian pharaohs. (Murray)

14. No Such Thing As A Dirty Pair of Jeans (2014-06-07)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski, Schreiber and Freddy Soames

  • The CEO of Levi's, Chip Bergh, hasn't washed his jeans in more than a year. (Harkin)
  • During the first successful transatlantic flight, by Alcock and Brown, the pilots got lost in midair, entered some cloud and fog, and when they got out of the cloud and fog, they found they were just 60 feet above the water, and flying at a 90° angle. (Schreiber)
  • In 2007, a woman called Evan Lattimer inherited Napoleon Bonaparte's penis from her father. (Ptaszynski)
  • To say "I don't care about something", a German has the option of saying: "das ist mir Wurst". This translates into English as: "It's sausage to me". (Murray)

15. No Such Thing As A Bulge in Ken's Groin (2014-06-28)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The Aztecs wore necklaces made out of popcorn. (Harkin)
  • In 2011, China tried to pass off a scene from the film Top Gun as footage from its own air force. (Ptaszynski)
  • In 2003, somebody misplaced the masterkeys to the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory, thus meaning they had to replace the locks, at a cost of $1,000,700. (Schreiber)
  • The children's toy doll Ken is officially an accessory to Barbie. (Murray)

16. No Such Thing As A Ghost in Poland (2014-07-05)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Anne Miller, Ptaszynski, Schreiber

  • The World Record for the most kicks to one's own head is 127 in a minute. (Harkin)
  • There is a bear in the Pyrenees which is facing castration because he has fathered nearly all the other bears in the area. (Miller)
  • Poland's only official ghost hunter thinks that ghosts have given up on haunting humans. (Schreiber)
  • Nuclear fallout from the Cold War is being used to solve murders. (Ptaszynski)

17. No Such Thing As A Bassoon in a Football Stadium (2014-07-11)

Presenters: Harkin, John Lloyd, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first known football chant was composed by Edward Elgar. (Ptaszynski)
  • Eric Cantona was raised in a cave. (Schreiber)
  • In the first World Cup final, Uruguay and Argentina could not agree on the size of the ball to use, so they used Argentina's small ball in the first half and Uruguay's big ball in the second. After half time Argentina were 2–1 up, but by the end Uruguay won 4–2. (Harkin)
  • FIFA has more members than the United Nations. (Lloyd)

18. No Such Thing As A Kilt on the Battlefield (2014-07-18)

Presenters: Harkin, Ptaszynski, Schreiber and Richard Turner

  • When Neil Armstrong stepped on the Moon and said "That's one small step for man", he was wearing ladies underwear. (Turner)
  • In 1963, Muhammad Ali released a stand-up comedy album. (Schreiber)
  • In 1325, in Italy, a war was declared and 2,000 people were killed because of a stolen bucket. (Ptaszynski)
  • There is a group of chimpanzees in Zambia who wear a blade of grass in their left ear as a fashion statement. (Harkin)

19. No Such Thing As Unicorn Stew (2014-07-25)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • A kangaroo's tail is used as a leg, so they have either three or five legs. (Harkin)
  • During the financial crisis of 1720, known as the South Sea Bubble, the Houses of Parliament called for stockbrokers to be sewn into sacks filled with poisonous snakes and thrown into the River Thames. (Ptaszynski)
  • There are three times as many estate agents in the UK as there are members of the British Armed Forces. (Murray)
  • Medieval manuscripts are littered with drawings of warfare between snails and knights. No-one knows why. (Schreiber)

20. No Such Thing As A Dangerous Daffodil (2014-08-01)

Presenters: Harkin, Anne Miller, Murray and Schreiber

  • The most painful place on the human body to be stung by a bee is the nostril. (Harkin)
  • For breakfast, Walt Disney ate fresh doughnuts dunked in Scotch whisky. (Schreiber)
  • The French word for arsenic used to be "poudre de succession" or "inheritance powder", because it was used in so many murders. (Miller)
  • Shouting at drivers improves their driving. (Murray)

21. No Such Thing As A Testicle-Retracting Sumo Wrestler (2014-08-08)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • "Made in Germany" product labels were originally invented to put people off buying the product. (Ptaszynski)
  • In 1991, Prof. Alexander Abian of Iowa State University proposed that we could solve virtually every problem of human existence by blowing up the Moon. (Schreiber)
  • In New York City, until 1925, drivers going east or west stopped at an amber traffic light and drove on green, while drivers going north or south drove on an amber light and stopped on green. (Harkin)
  • There are companies which lasso icebergs to stop them hitting oil rigs. (Murray)

22. No Such Thing As A Magic Camel Filter (2014-08-15)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In 1903, a man called W. Reginald Bray posted himself. (Harkin)
  • The world's oldest ham has just celebrated its 112th birthday. (Schreiber)
  • Orangutans like playing with iPads, but gorillas do not. (Ptaszynski)
  • In the 1888 edition of Encyclopædia Britannica the entry for Wales reads: "See England". (Murray)

23. No Such Thing As A Yawning Psychopath (2014-08-22)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Alexander the Great banned beards in battle to combat beard-pulling. (Ptaszynski)
  • Psychopaths do not experience contagious yawning as often as non-psychopaths. (Schreiber)
  • The Big Bang was quieter than a Motörhead concert. (Harkin)
  • Pixar accidentally deleted Toy Story 2 while they were half-way through making it. (Bell)

24. No Such Thing As A Malicious Robot (2014-08-29)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • When he was bored Calvin Coolidge used to ring a bell to summon his bodyguards and then hide from them under the Oval Office desk. (Bell)
  • Until 2011 the Sun was only in theory a sphere, but it has since been confirmed that it is actually a sphere. (Schreiber)
  • There are some bird's nests that contain over 100 rooms and are so heavy they cause trees to fall down. (Ptaszynski)
  • The worst baseball team in South Korea, the Hanwha Eagles, has replaced its supporters with robots. (Harkin)

25. No Such Thing As A Randy Rat in Polyester Pants (2014-09-05)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Rats that wear polyester trousers cannot get erections. (Ptaszynski)
  • During World War I entertainments for the troops included organised pillow fights, wheelbarrow races and wrestling on the backs of mules. (Murray)
  • The atmosphere of Venus is so hot that if you took a pizza out of a freezer there it would cook in three seconds. (Harkin)
  • In Iceland there is a phone app that tells you if you are related to the person who you are (contemplating) having sex with. (Schreiber)

26. No Such Thing As A Yeti Fact (2014-09-13)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski, Simon Rich and Schreiber

  • Koko the gorilla, who knows sign language, has owned and cared for three pet cats during her lifetime. (Rich)
  • According to yeti experts it is easier to escape from a female yeti than a male yeti, because females have such long dangling breasts, so before they can chase a human they need to chuck them over their shoulders, otherwise they might trip over them. (Schreiber)
  • The Kama Sutra suggests 64 arts to practice alongside sex including solving word puzzles and teaching birds how to talk. (Harkin)
  • There are more than 15 trillion tonnes of water above the Earth at any given moment. (Murray)

27. No Such Thing As An Egg and Cress Portsmouth (2014-09-19)

Presenters: Murray, Ptaszynski, Schreiber, Helen Zaltzman

  • LOL originally meant "Little Old Lady". It was a medical definition. Others included "LOLINAD", meaning "Little Old Lady in No Apparent Distress", and "LOLFDGB", meaning "Little Old Lady Fall Down Go Boom" (Zaltzman).
  • According to researchers at Glasgow Caledonian University listening to Billy Connolly can substantially increase your pain tolerance. (Schreiber)
  • The first woman to cycle around the world, Annie "Londonderry" Cohen Kopchovsky learnt to ride only the day before she set off. (Ptaszynski)
  • When California ground squirrels are attacked by rattlesnakes they increase their blood pressure so much that their tails give off more infrared radiation and makes them look bigger. (Murray)

28. No Such Thing As A Man-Eating Clam (2014-09-26)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Over 100 people used to watch Louis XIV of France getting dressed every morning. (Murray)
  • There is an original Picasso that no-one will ever see because it was eaten by his dog. (Harkin)
  • During World War II the US Navy diving manual contained detailed instructions for what to do if you were eaten by a giant clam. (Schreiber)
  • A "hundred" used to be 120. (Ptaszynski)

29. No Such Thing As Terrestrial Sweetcorn (2014-10-03)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In 19th century America you could be committed to a mental asylum for reading a novel. (Ptaszynski)
  • The Greenland shark is so slow it needs all of its food to be asleep in order to eat it. It can only swim at 1mph, so if the prey moves it will outrun the shark. (Schreiber)
  • The head of the International Chess Federation, Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, believes chess was brought to Earth by aliens. (Harkin)
  • The yakuza has its own website that has a theme tune designed to attract new members. (Murray)

30. No Such Thing As A Song in the Sound of Music (2014-10-10)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first BBC radio presenter with a northern accent, Wilfred Pickles, was given the job to make it more difficult for the Nazis to impersonate news readers. (Harkin)
  • In China, if you want to empty a building of people, or indeed if you want to end anything, play the song "Going Home" by Kenny G. (Schreiber)
  • The two leading paleontologists of the 19th century, Edward Drinker Cope and Othniel Charles Marsh, used to destroy their fossil sites after excavating them so that their rival couldn't find anything about the site. (Ptaszynski)
  • In the Fulah language, a computer crash is known as a "hookii", which means: "a cow falling over but not dying". (Murray)

31. No Such Thing As A Snake in My Pie (2014-10-17)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In the 17th century there was a prophet called Dorothy Harling who would cure you of your sins by urinating on the offending body part. (Harkin)
  • Despite the fact that homosexuality is illegal in South Sudan a woman can have a female husband and a child can have a female father. (Ptaszynski)
  • Tommy Flowers, the designer of the Colossus computer, discovered that the way to prevent the valves from blowing up was not turning it off and on again. (Schreiber)
  • Botanists in Kew Gardens checked a £1.29 bag of supermarket mushrooms and found three species of mushroom previously unknown to science. (Murray)

32. No Such Thing As A Good Gift For Gordon Brown (2014-10-24)

Presenters: Harkin, Ash Gardner, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In 1060 BC, the entire Egyptian city of Pi-Ramesses was moved 20 kilometres to the north because part of the River Nile dried up. (Gardner)
  • In 1864 a friend of Charles Dickens had a flatpack Swiss chalet sent to his home as a Christmas present. (Ptaszynski)
  • Neuroscientists can tell if you are a musician simply by looking at your brain. (Harkin)
  • Jack L. Warner, head of Warner Bros., spotted that from the air his studios looked identical to a nearby aircraft factory, so on the roof he painted an arrow and the words "Lockheed: That Way". (Schreiber)

33. No Such Thing As A Clairvoyant Chicken (2014-10-31)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Until the year 635 AD Halloween was celebrated on 12 May. (Murray)
  • Witches used broomsticks to put hallucinogenic drugs up their bottoms. (Schreiber)
  • The woman who played the voice of Regan MacNeil in The Exorcist only agreed to play the part on the condition that she had two priests in her sound booth at all times, could be constantly drinking whisky, chain-smoking cigarettes and eating raw eggs. (Ptaszynski)
  • The secret of youth is drinking the blood of the young, if you happen to be a mouse. (Harkin)

34. No Such Thing As A Giant German Sandcastle (2014-11-07)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Comets stink of rotten eggs, cat urine and bitter almonds. (Harkin)
  • Ranulph Fiennes used to suffer from such bad vertigo that he used to have to get his wife to climb ladders to clear the gutters. (Murray)
  • A Ryanair crew member hired today could not possibly be the same height as a crew member from the first Ryanair flight. Today crew members have to be at least 5'2", but when it started you had to be less than 5'2". (Ptaszynski)
  • According to his website Steven Seagal is the only private US citizen to have paid someone to destroy a nuclear device. (Schreiber)

35. No Such Thing As A Good Sloth Onesie (2014-11-15)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Viking names included "desirous of beer", "squat-wiggle", "lust-hostage", "short penis", "able to fill a bay with fish by magic" and "the man without trousers". (Harkin)
  • You Only Live Once is Katie Price's fourth autobiography. (Schreiber)
  • William Morton, the father of anaesthesia, first experimented on himself but kept falling asleep before he could describe the results. (Ptaszynski)
  • Chessington World of Adventures has banned animal-print onesies to stop the animals there getting confused. (Murray)

36. No Such Thing As A Game of King's Footsie (2014-11-21)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • If you got into an argument in 18th century Abyssinia you could resolve it by, "blaming everything on the camel". (Ptaszynski)
  • In Ancient Greece they used to play with yo-yos. (Schreiber)
  • Most honey bee hives in the USA live on flatbed trucks. (Murray)
  • The Sacramento Police Department get at least one phone call a week from people stuck in the world's largest corn maze. (Harkin)

37. No Such Thing As The Kevin Olympics (2014-11-28)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In 1874 there was a plan to transport dead bodies from all over Europe to Mount Vesuvius and throw them in. (Ptaszynski)
  • In 2010 an abandoned waste-water treatment plant in Baltimore was found to be home to an estimated 107,000,000 spiders. (Harkin)
  • According to Vatican City's official newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano, the greatest pop album of all time is Revolver by The Beatles. (Schreiber)
  • For the first fifty years the Ancient Olympic Games the only event was the 200 metres (or to be precise, 192 metres). (Murray)

38. No Such Thing As A Super Mario Love Hotel (2014-12-06)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski, Lieven Scheire and Schreiber

  • Ant nests can become infested by ants. (Scheire)
  • In Cambodia a teenage girl's parents might build her a "love hut" where her parents encourage her to sleep with as many boys as she wants until she finds the one that she likes. (Ptaszynski)
  • The longest canyon in the world is 50% longer than the Grand Canyon and it was not discovered until August 2013. It is buried under 1.9 miles of ice in Greenland. (Murray)
  • In 2008 the University of Bath invented a 3D printer that could print a copy of itself. Within three minutes that copy had copied itself to make a third copy and today nobody knows how many of these printers exist in the world. (Harkin)

39. No Such Thing As A Rocking Chair in Space (2014-12-12)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski, and Schreiber

  • The San Francisco Fire Department's ladders are made from wood. (Harkin)
  • Astronauts do not snore. (Schreiber)
  • In March 1876 it rained mutton-tasting meat in Kentucky. (Ptaszynski)
  • The Victorians invented a coat which doubled-up as a boat. (Murray)

40. No Such Thing As Captain Trousers (2014-12-19)

Presenters: Anne Miller, Murray, Ptaszynski, and Schreiber

  • In 18th century France tooth-pullers were entertainers who would perform in front of live audiences. (Murray)
  • In World War I the Romanian army issued an order that only officers above the rank of major had the right to wear eye shadow in battle. (Ptaszynski)
  • The most borrowed children's author in British libraries, Daisy Meadows, doesn't exist. (Miller)
  • It would cost $850 quadrillion to build the Death Star. (Schreiber)

41. No Such Thing As Reginald the Red-Nosed Reindeer (2014-12-24)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski, and Schreiber

  • Before going on stage to read A Christmas Carol Charles Dickens had a warm-up routine of drinking a pint of champagne. (Schreiber)
  • Crap Christmas jumpers date back to the Romans. (Harkin)
  • Male turkeys blush when they see female turkeys. (Ptaszynski)
  • The composer of the song "Jingle Bells", James Pierpont, also wrote a song called "We Conquer or Die". (Murray)

Special 1. No Such Thing As Unbroadcastable Material (2014-12-31)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Anne Miller, Murray, Ptaszynski, and Schreiber

This is a special "Worst Of" episode, consisting of clips removed from the original podcasts.

42. No Such Thing As A Bloober Reel (2015-01-09)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski, and Schreiber

  • Franz Kafka once convinced his entire family that Einstein's theory of relativity was going to cure his tuberculosis. (Ptaszynski)
  • Dead geckos still stick to walls after they die. (Murray)
  • The active ingredient in the first ever homeopathy treatment was the blood of Thomas Becket. (Harkin)
  • In 2013 a group of people attempted to crowdfund London's first UFO museum. They needed $1,000,000 but after 30 days they only raised $370. (Schreiber)

43. No Such Thing As A Human Cigarette (2015-01-16)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Murray and Ptaszynski

  • Cows have friends and they get sad when they are separated. (Bell)
  • It is illegal to take a selfie with a tiger in New York City. (Harkin)
  • Morgue refrigerators in Turkey are equipped with motion sensors, alarms and handles that open them from the inside in case anyone wakes up inside. (Ptaszynski)
  • When he was a baby Henry VIII of England had two official cradle rockers who were paid £3 a year each to rock his cradle. (Murray)

44. No Such Thing As A Vegan Fryup (2015-01-23)

Presenters: Harkin, Anne Miller, Murray and Ptaszynski

  • Between 800–1349 the Colosseum was used as an apartment block. (Ptaszynski)
  • You can be fined for swearing in Australia. In the last financial year people in Northern Territory were fined A$48,372 in total. (Harkin)
  • When the first transatlantic telegraph cable was laid in 1858 the reception on it was so bad that it took 17 hours to send the first message across. (Murray)
  • In 2014, to celebrate World Vegan Day, PETA asked the town of Fryup, North Yorkshire, to change its name to "Vegan Fryup" for a day. The locals refused. (Miller)

45. No Such Thing As A Travelator in Ancient Rome (2015-01-30)

Presenters: Harkin, Greg Jenner, Murray and Ptaszynski

  • In 1960s America one bus route that was only 35 miles long went through seven different time zones due to the way daylight saving time was adopted across the country. (Jenner)
  • If a predator gets too close to a limpet then the limpet will lift up its shell and stamp on the predator's foot. (Murray)
  • After landing on the Moon, Buzz Aldrin worked in a car dealership where he failed to sell a single car. (Ptaszynski)
  • The Cathars get their name from being cathartic and pure, but during the Middle Ages some people thought they got their name from the belief that they liked to kiss a cat's arse. (Harkin)

46. No Such Thing As An Apostle Called Scrotum (2015-02-06)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • There have been three Top 50 songs in the British charts that have been sung exclusively in Latin: "Gaudete" by Steeleye Span; "Choral in Latin" from Evita; and "Pie Jesu" from Requiem, sung by Charlotte Church. (Murray)
  • The way to recognise the Buddha is to look out for his webbed feet, his tongue that can reach his ears, and withdrawn genitalia. (Ptaszynski)
  • The whoopee cushion was invented by the Roman Emperor with the birthname Bassianus. (Schreiber)
  • The oldest known purse is decorated with dogs' teeth. (Harkin)

47. No Such Thing As A Lonely Starbucks Customer (2015-02-14)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • According to a 2011 YouGov survey 27% of Britons neither love or hate Marmite. (Harkin)
  • The Knights of the Round Table included Lancelot, Gawain, Galahad and Gareth. (Schreiber)
  • The Ministry of Defence owns 15 golf courses. (Murray)
  • The rise in the use of female contraceptive pills is causing fish to become too effeminate. (Ptaszynski)

48. No Such Thing As A Pokemon-Playing Goldfish (2015-02-20)

Presenters: Victoria Coren Mitchell, Harkin, Miller, Murray, and Schreiber

  • Charles Hawtrey hoarded bedsteads, believing that they would help make his fortune. (Coren Mitchell)
  • In 1937 you could visit Romford Dog Track and watch cheetahs racing. (Harkin)
  • In 2010 the US Military built a supercomputer using 1,760 PlayStation 3s. (Miller)
  • In 1552 a man in England managed to shoot himself to death using a bow and arrow. (Murray)

49. No Such Thing As A Buff Panda (2015-02-25)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Until the mid-2000s the best method for finding out how many pandas there were alive was to sieve through their faeces. (Murray)
  • Since 2007 the Wikipedian Bryan Henderson has made more than 50,000 edits, all of which are exactly the same: tracking down articles using the words "comprised of" and changing them to "consists of". (Schreiber)
  • The world's largest saw is used to cut through mountains in Kazakhstan. (Harkin)
  • In the early days of racewalking the competitors were allowed to jog as necessary to relieve cramp. (Ptaszynski)

50. No Such Thing As Doing It Dinosaur-Style (2015-02-27)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The 2012 law prohibiting nudity in San Francisco was proposed by a politician named Scott Wiener. (Harkin)
  • Charles Darwin's grandfather, Erasmus Darwin, got so large that he could not sit at his dinner table any more. Rather than exercising or dieting, he cut a semi-circle in his dining table so he could fit his stomach in. (Schreiber)
  • Spotify's random function is not random. (Murray)
  • The animal kingdom forgot how to have sex for 40 million years. (Ptaszynski)

51. No Such Thing As Dodecahedral Shredded Wheat (2015-03-06)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The son of Henry Perky, the man who invented shredded wheat, was also an inventor. He invented round shredded wheat. (Ptaszynski)
  • In the 1960s a Canadian psychologist visited cafes across the world counting how much couples touched each other. In Puerto Rico it was 180 times in an hour; in Paris it was 110; in London it was zero. (Murray)
  • In a particular time and place in history, you could avoid castration by shouting the word "Soho". (Harkin)
  • Matthieu Ricard, named the happiest man in the world, is unhappy that people call him the happiest man in the world. (Schreiber)

52. No Such Thing As A Worthless Bucket of Urine (2015-03-13)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The route for the Hong Kong ultramarathon is to run up and down the same stretch of road 25 times. (Murray)
  • The metre is wrong. It is 0.16mm out. (Ptaszynski)
  • St Andrews Aquarium currently has three meerkats called Churchill, Admiral and Sheilas' Wheels. They also had two other meerkats called Aviva and Direct Line, but these have since died. (Harkin)
  • The only ancient Egyptian socks that we know of all belonged to Tutankhamun. Also, he wore sandals, so he may have worn socks in sandals. (Schreiber)

53. No Such Thing As A 3000km Tall Statue of Liberty (2015-03-20)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Finnish budget meatballs have so little meat in them that they have had to be renamed "balls", or pyöryköitä in the Finnish language. (Murray)
  • Lady Florence Dixie once had to apologise to Queen Victoria after her pet jaguar killed three of Victoria's pet deer. (Ptaszynski)
  • The Statue of Liberty originally wore a headscarf. (Schreiber)
  • A Polo mint takes 42.5 minutes to dissolve if you stick it up your nose. (Harkin)

54. No Such Thing As Domesticated Furniture (2015-03-27)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • When you have a tattoo lasered off you end up pooing it out. (Murray)
  • The man who invented the airship, Alberto Santos-Dumont, used to hold dinner parties with 10ft high chairs so his guests could experience the joy of flight. (Ptaszynski)
  • A new scientific study has concluded that there are too many scientific studies. (Schreiber)
  • You should never pick up a desert tortoise. If you do it can urinate itself to death. (Harkin)

55. No Such Thing As Samurai Nail Clippers (2015-04-03)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Firefighters use wetter water than most people. (Harkin)
  • Plants have their own internet made of fungi. (Ptaszynski)
  • In 1710 the boys of Winchester College rioted over insufficient beer rations. (Murray)
  • The first man to discover the clitoris was Colombo. (Schreiber)

56. No Such Thing As A Killer Tomato (2015-04-10)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • For 200 years after tomatoes made it to England, they were grown almost entirely for ornamental reasons. (Ptaszynski)
  • NASA is planning on giving the Moon a moon. (Schreiber)
  • Basil Rathbone, one of the first men to play Sherlock Holmes on film, spent much of World War One dressed as a tree. (Murray)
  • Abraham Lincoln used his stovepipe hat to keep important documents hidden. (Harkin)

57. No Such Thing As A Hoverhorse (2015-04-17)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Monorails were originally horse-drawn. (Schreiber)
  • The Great Smog of 1952 was so bad that blind people led sighted people home from train stations. (Murray)
  • On 24 March 2015 the temperature in Antarctica was higher than that in Malta, Madrid and Marrakech. (Harkin)
  • Jesse Bogdonoff, Tonga's official finance minister, was also the official court jester. (Ptaszynski)

58. No Such Thing As Van Gogh the Elephant (2015-04-24)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Kaiser Wilhelm II once lost a valuable arms contract for Germany because he slapped Ferdinand I of Bulgaria on the bottom. (Ptaszynski)
  • "Beware of Pickpockets" signs attract pickpockets. (Murray)
  • No-one is quite sure how to pronounce Louis Armstrong's name. (Schreiber)
  • The man who holds the Guinness World Record for the lowest voice can hit notes that are so low only elephants can hear them. (Harkin)

59. No Such Thing As Old Mother Bastard (2015-05-01)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first thing was a parliament. (Harkin)
  • One of the largest majorities in a Brazilian local election was won by a rhino. (Ptaszynski)
  • Finland's parliament sometimes makes decisions in their sauna. (Schreiber)
  • In British electoral history 8 candidates have been awarded no votes at all in a general election. (Murray)

60. No Such Thing As An Unenjoyable Bowel Movement (2015-05-08)

Presenters: Harkin, John Lloyd, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The final McDonald's burger ever sold in Iceland can currently be watched decomposing on a webcam. (Harkin)
  • In 1851 Prince Albert commissioned a ballroom in Balmoral Castle made entirely out of corrugated iron. (Lloyd)
  • During the 19th century Saddlers Wells Theatre was routinely flooded to stage fake naval battles. (Ptaszynski)
  • The practice of dog owners pretending that they have not seen their dogs defecating is technically called "strategic non-knowledge". (Murray)

61. No Such Thing As Jesus's Magic Wand (2015-05-15)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Instead of being one of the founders of the USA, Benjamin Franklin almost stayed in Britain to found a swimming school on the River Thames. (Ptaszynski)
  • Sumo wrestling referees carry a knife on them so in the event they make a bad decision during a match they can kill themselves. (Schreiber)
  • The trailer for the longest movie ever made, Ambiancé, is 72 minutes long. (Harkin)
  • In the Middle Ages lots of churches had statues of Jesus Christ which had moving arms so that Christ could be taken down from the cross and carried around the church. Other statues had the Virgin Mary with a working belly from which you could take a model of the infant Christ. (Murray)

62. No Such Thing As The Ugly Panda (2015-05-22)

Presenters: Harkin, Rufus Hound, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Twice in its history the United States has been run by a shepherd: Thomas Jefferson and Woodrow Wilson both kept sheep. (Hound)
  • There is a village in rural Russia where every single person knows how to tightrope walk. (Harkin)
  • In Britain pedestrians step to the right to avoid each other and in Japan they step to the left. No-one knows why. (Ptaszynski)
  • Half of all California condors were raised by glove puppets. (Murray)

63. No Such Thing As An Anti-German Sock (2015-05-29)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first ever novel, The Tale of Genji, ended mid-sentence. (Ptaszynski)
  • J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis both once went to a party dressed as polar bears. It was not a fancy dress party. (Harkin)
  • Agatha Christie thought that Hercule Poirot was a "detestable, bombastic, tiresome, egocentric, little creep". (Murray)
  • Before inventing television, John Logie Baird invented a pair of socks to wear underneath your usual pair of socks. (Schreiber)

64. No Such Thing As An Honest Saiga (2015-06-05)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Bananas emit antimatter. (Harkin)
  • Slovenia's largest lake, Lake Cerknica, disappears every year. (Ptaszynski)
  • Half the world's saigas have died in the previous month and no-one knows why. (Murray)
  • Barbra Streisand had a shopping mall built for her sole use under her house. (Schreiber)

65. No Such Thing As A Chickenosaurus (2015-06-12)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Cleaner fish can cheat their bosses, and their bosses can punish them. (Murray)
  • Al Qaeda's job application form has a question asking who should be contacted in the event that the applicant becomes a martyr. (Schreiber)
  • The single biggest expense for the computer game Lego Universe was to hire human moderators to make sure people were not making Lego penises. (Harkin)
  • Jack Horner, the man who inspired the main character in Jurassic Park, is now building a chickenosaurus. (Ptaszynski)

66. No Such Thing As A Robotic Margaret Atwood (2015-06-19)

Presenters: Harkin, Anne Miller, Murray, and Schreiber

  • In the 1840s London buses has straps attached to the driver's arms that the passenger would yank if they wanted the bus to stop. (Harkin)
  • Standing like Superman, with hands on hips, chest up and head tilted-up, can make you more successful. (Miller)
  • Margaret Atwood's latest novel, Scribbler Moon, will not be released until 2114 as part of the Future Library project. (Schreiber)
  • The Japanese are planning to install toilets in their lifts. (Murray)

67. No Such Thing As The Hoo-Hah Monologues (2015-06-26)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Guantanamo Bay has a gift shop. (Schreiber)
  • The Natural History Museum, London is turning moths gay to stop them from destroying the exhibits. (Ptaszynski)
  • The word "marvellous" has fallen in use from 155 times per million twenty years ago, to only 2 times per million today. (Harkin)
  • In preparation for the National Day of the People's Republic of China 100,000 pigeons have had anal security checks to make sure they are not carrying anything suspicious. (Murray)

68. No Such Thing As A Friendly Face Fondle (2015-07-03)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Only 28% of people know when they have been flirted with. (Ptaszynski)
  • Ancient Sumerian beer was as thick as porridge and was drunk through a straw. (Harkin)
  • Baby turtles co-ordinate when they are going to hatch from within their eggshells. (Murray)
  • Henrik Ibsen's last words were to his nurse. She said to him that she thought Ibsen was getting better, to which Ibsen replied: "On the contrary", and then he died. (Schreiber)

69. No Such Thing As The Pamplona Guinea Pig Run (2015-07-10)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In Peru depictions of the Last Supper show Jesus Christ and the disciples eating a guinea pig. (Murray)
  • The Citigroup Center skyscraper has a 400 tonne weight at the top of it to stop it from falling over. (Bell)
  • Canadian crime writer Howard Engel lost the ability to read while also not losing the ability to write. (Ptaszynski)
  • Apple Inc. co-founder Steve Wozniak met his wife via a Dial-A-Joke call. (Schreiber)

70. No Such Thing As A Rat Multiborg (2015-07-17)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Babies practice saying their first words before saying them out loud. (Murray)
  • The first pair of Nike trainers were made with a waffle iron. (Ptaszynski)
  • Rats dream of places that they want to visit. (Schreiber)
  • Humans used milk as paint for 40,000 years before anyone thought to drink it. (Harkin)

71. No Such Thing As A Somersaulting Long Jumper (2015-07-24)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The world record for the horse long jump is shorter than the record for the human long jump. (Schreiber)
  • Every time Alfred Hitchcock had a cup of tea he always smashed the teacup afterwards. (Ptaszynski)
  • The Romanian equivalent of comparing apples and oranges is to compare grandmothers and machine guns. (Murray)
  • Replacement eyelids can be made from foreskins. (Harkin)

72. No Such Thing As A Bacon Telescope (2015-07-31)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first item to be sent by New York's pneumatic post system was an artificial peach. The second thing to be sent was an alive black cat. (Ptaszynski)
  • Scientists have made a form of algae that tastes like bacon. (Harkin)
  • Telescopes have a "new telescope smell" that can break them. (Murray)
  • There is a museum in North Korea that has a scaled-down replica of the world's largest table. (Schreiber)

73. No Such Thing As A Useless Condom (2015-08-07)

Presenters: Harkin, Miller, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • As part of the preparation for the D-Day landings the Allied Forces used condoms to collect soil and sand from the Normandy beaches. (Ptaszynski)
  • Every second at least one star in the universe explodes. (Schreiber)
  • Cannibals in ancient Mexico ate their human flesh with chilli sauce. (Harkin)
  • Dogs are not allowed in Selwyn College, Cambridge, so the master's Basset Hound has been reclassified as a really large cat. (Miller)

74. No Such Thing As A Computer in the Oval Office (2015-08-14)

Presenters: Bell, Harkin, Murray, and Schreiber

  • According to the diary of the first chief of MI6, Mansfield Smith-Cumming, this is how the first day went: "Went to the office. Saw no-one, nor was there anything to do there." (Schreiber)
  • There is a distillery in Kentucky that claims that playing Bruce Springsteen to the whiskey improves the ageing process. (Harkin)
  • There is a statue of Nikola Tesla in Silicon Valley that radiates free wi-fi. (Bell)
  • A third of people in Britain have almost written nothing by hand in the last six months. (Murray)

75. No Such Thing As Diarrhea Drive (2015-08-21)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The Scrooge Effect states that if you make someone think about death, that person is more likely to be more charitable and get more satisfaction when making charitable donations.
  • If you like grilled cheese you will have 32% more sex.
  • In 1567 the man with the longest beard died when he tripped over his own beard while running away from a fire.
  • In 2009 two French mayors declared the same street a one way street, but in different directions.
  • Canadian $1 coins are called "loonies" and $2 coins are called "toonies".
  • The Danish word for "fifty-eight" translates "eight and half-three twenties".
  • Jelly babies were originally marketed under the name of "unwanted babies".
  • A rhinoceros beetle strength capacity is the same as a human lifting nine male elephants over his head.
  • In 1958 Nikita Khrushchev met Mao Zedong, and Mao suggested a meeting while swimming, knowing that Khrushchev could not swim. Aides then appeared with water wings for Khrushchev and the meeting took place with Mao swimming up-and-down and Khrushchev flailing around.
  • The police department in Cambridge, Massachusetts requested that when the Harvard Bridge was refurbished in the 1980s that the graffiti on it was maintained by the people who created it because it became useful in identifying when acts of vandalism were committed on the bridge.
  • F. Scott Fitzgerald bitched to Ernest Hemingway that his dick was too small, then he went to the bathroom, Hemingway looked at it and pronounced it fine.
  • The name "Gary" is as of 2013 less popular in the UK than both the names "Thor" and "Loki".
  • When the tooth of a mastodon was once found in North America it was identified by the tooth of a giant.
  • According to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
  • The first ICBMs placed outside of the Soviet Union could never be used because the Soviets in charge of them drank the rocket fuel because it was made out of alcohol.
  • Bucharest and Budapest are the fifth most mixed up places in the world.
  • The wages in Chelsea and Fulham are so high that it is the only constituency in the UK where the average wage is higher than the wage of their MP.
  • Apollo 13 nearly ended in disaster before it got to space because of a malfunction, but a second malfunction occurred which prevented the ship from being destroyed.
  • If you wanted to recreated the entire Lego Movie with actual Lego you would need 15,080,330 pieces.
  • When a dog enters a room it knows what has happened two hours before, because of its sense of smell.
  • Baby koala bears cannot digest eucalyptus leaves when they are first born, so they have to get the bacteria from their mother's poo to digest eucalyptus.
  • The milk used to make Ben & Jerry's ice cream comes from massaged cows.
  • The motto of the Salvation Army is: "Blood and fire".
  • Since 1945 all British tanks must come equipped with tea making supplies.
  • Josef Stalin had some scientists attempt to create an ape-human hybrid because he thought it would be useful in Russian industry and could withstand more pain.
  • In 1953 NASCAR driver Tim Flock raced for eight races with a rhesus monkey named Jocko Flocko as his co-driver.
  • There is a consultant urologist at Musgrove Park Hospital in Taunton, Somerset, named Nicholas Burns-Cox.
  • The only man to stick his head into a particle accelerator not only lived to complete his PhD but has also not aged since the accident.

76. No Such Thing As Mould Juice (2015-08-28)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first man to swim the English Channel, Captain Matthew Webb, later had a show where he floated in a tank for two hours. (Murray)
  • The first item sold on eBay was a broken laser pointer. It was bought by a man who collects broken laser pointers. (Schreiber)
  • When Alexander Fleming's neighbours foiled a burglary at his house, as a thank you gift Fleming gave them some mould from the first penicillin. (Ptaszynski)
  • The earliest known ice cream recipes suggest flavouring with ambergris, which is whale poo. (Harkin)

77. No Such Thing As Pee-Bay (2015-09-04)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Dog urine makes street lights collapse. (Harkin)
  • After the button was invented it took over 1,000 years for someone to invent the buttonhole. (Schreiber)
  • As a baby Saint Nicholas refused to drink his mother's breast milk on fast days. (Murray)
  • When Ronald Reagan left office, he left a note on the White House lawn for the squirrels warning them to beware of George H. W. Bush's dogs. (Ptaszynski)

78. No Such Thing As An Ugly Pair of Eyes (2015-09-11)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Las Vegas holds an award ceremony for people who make awards, presented by the Awards and Recognition Association. (Harkin)
  • Napoleon Bonaparte loved roast chicken so much that his household chefs were constantly cooking some in case he decided he wanted any. (Murray)
  • IMDb was originally just a list of actresses with beautiful eyes. (Schreiber)
  • The word "fascinate" literally means: "the embodiment of divine phallus". (Ptaszynski)

79. No Such Thing As A Sad High Five (2015-09-18)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The current French Scrabble Champion, Nigel Richards, does not speak a word of French. (Schreiber)
  • The world's only venomous frogs headbutt their enemies to death. (Harkin)
  • When the film All Quiet on the Western Front was released in Germany, Joseph Goebbels went to see it at the cinema and within 10 minutes he had released stink bombs, itching powder and white mice in order to make people flee from the cinema. (Ptaszynski)
  • Defunct sports from the early 20th century include archery golf, boxing on horseback, and competitive flagpole sitting. (Murray)

80. No Such Thing As A Mousetrap-Remote-Control (2015-09-25)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first ever pencils were used to draw on sheep. (Murray)
  • Drinking alcohol makes you more attractive. (Schreiber)
  • The National Giant Vegetable Championships had to move venues in the mid 1980s as the pumpkins started to get too big to fit through the doors. (Harkin)
  • The Beaded Lacewing insect incapacitates its prey by farting on it. (Ptaszynski)

81. No Such Thing As A Jellyfish Jelly (2015-10-02)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Anne Miller and Ptaszynski

  • Ruby, a sheep genetically engineered to glow in the dark, was accidentally sold to an abattoir. (Miller)
  • During the launch of BBC Two in 1964, a live kangaroo got stuck in a lift at BBC Television Centre. (Bell)
  • Dr. Seuss once wrote a Warner Bros. film called Going Home, that was banned because it accidentally predicted the Manhattan Project. (Ptaszynski)
  • The phrase: "Why is my poop green?" is Googled most commonly between 5am and 6am. (Harkin)

82. No Such Thing As A Sentient Iceberg (2015-10-09)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In winter we should all wear our socks outside our shoes, because they are grip more on ice. (Schreiber)
  • Ancient Jerusalem's lost property office just involved shouting about what you lost in the hope that somebody had found it. (Murray)
  • Charles Blagden, the man who discovered why we sweat, found it out by getting into a sauna with a dog, a beef steak and an egg. (Ptaszynski)
  • Stick insect sex can last for 79 days, and the insects are stuck together the whole time. (Harkin)

83. No Such Thing As A Flying Sniffer Dog (2015-10-16)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The seventh time park ranger Roy Sullivan was struck by lightning coincided with the 22nd time he fought off a bear with a stick. (Schreiber)
  • In 2015, America's "Hero Dog of the Year Award" was won by a cat. (Harkin)
  • The earliest known penalty of illegal parking, dating back to Assyria in the 7th century BC, was to be impaled on a stake. (Ptaszynski)
  • Female corn earworm moths go invisible after sex. (Murray)

84. No Such Thing As A Donkumentary (2015-10-23)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Karl Kruszelnicki, Murray, and Schreiber

  • Two people in Sydney every week get bitten by ticks and shortly afterwards become allergic to meat for the rest of their lives. (Kruszelnicki)
  • The Millennium bug is going to hit in 2038. (Murray)
  • Buckminster Fuller's complete diaries take over 18 metres of shelf space. (Bell)
  • Australian scientists have recently named a new discovered species of fish: "blue bastard". (Schreiber)

85. No Such Thing As Michaelangelo's Snowman (2015-10-30)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • During the Miracle of 1511 the people of Brussels protested against the government by filling the city with dozens of pornographic snowmen. (Harkin)
  • Harris hawks stand on each others shoulders to get a better view. (Ptaszynski)
  • Pope Innocent VIII was given the nickname "The Honest" because he was the first pope to acknowledge that he had illegitimate children. (Murray)
  • Spanish construction workers recently accidentally destroyed a 6,000-year-old neolithic tomb that looked like a picnic table and replaced it with a new and better-looking picnic table. (Schreiber)

86. No Such Thing As Ghost Nipples (2015-11-06)

Presenters: Harkin, Mark Mason, Murray and Schreiber

  • For the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II people dressed up as television sets. (Murray)
  • The world puddle jumping championships bans fizzy drinks in case they improve the participant's performance. (Harkin)
  • The shuttlecocks used in professional badminton are made using real goose feathers which are always taken from the bird's left wing. (Mason)
  • The Ancient Egyptians had a pornographic papyrus, known as the Turin Erotic Papyrus. (Schreiber)

87. No Such Thing As The Pajama Police (2015-11-13)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The world's only Cornish pasty museum is in Mexico. (Ptaszynski)
  • 20% of people wake up wearing fewer clothes than they went to bed with. (Harkin)
  • There are people who mine for jeans. (Murray)
  • Jesus Christ had a monobrow. (Schreiber)

Special 2. The One Show Special (2015-11-19)

Presenters: Matt Baker, John Bishop, Harkin, Alex Jones, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The total number of hours spent by people watching The One Show this year is the same as the total number of hours that have passed since humans left Africa. (Harkin)
  • The largest object ever discovered is a hole: the supervoid. (Ptaszynski)
  • In 2012 a kestrel was arrested in Turkey on suspicion of spying. (Schreiber)
  • The phrase "van man" pre-dates the invention of the van. (Murray)

Vinyl. No Such Thing as John Johnson (2015-11-20)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Swiss cheese is losing its holes. (Ptaszynski)
  • There is a ski shop in the middle of the Sahara desert. (Murray)
  • The world's only firework-boxing match took place in London in 1937. (Harkin)
  • You have a cell in your brain specifically dedicated to Jennifer Aniston. (Schreiber)

88. No Such Thing As A Moon Sausage Bullet (2015-11-20)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Lord Byron's nickname for William Wordsworth was: "William Turdsworth". (Murray)
  • If you grow a cos lettuce in a spaceship it tastes like rocket. (Harkin)
  • Scientists have grown an ear using Vincent Van Gogh's DNA. (Schreiber)
  • The larger Pacific striped octopus catches its prey by sneaking up behind it and tapping it on the shoulder. (Ptaszynski)

89. No Such Thing As Utah Fried Chicken (2015-11-27)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Before trains had corridors guards had to climb along the outside of the carriage to check your ticket. (Murray)
  • The names given by Ernest Shackleton to his dogs included Slippery, Slobbers, Satan, Painful, Swanker, Bomber and Bob. (Harkin)
  • According to a recent theory, Stonehenge was built as a part of a team building exercise. (Schreiber)
  • Utah has a 106 acre forest that is made out of one tree, Pando. (Ptaszynski)

90. No Such Thing As The Brilliant Billion (2015-12-04)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The Great Wall of China is held together by sticky rice. (Harkin)
  • The world's largest single-cell organism, Caulerpa taxifolia, can get up to 12 inches long. (Murray)
  • If you are bitten by the boomslang snake you bleed from every orifice. (Ptaszynski)
  • Albert Einstein has a social media team. (Schreiber)

91. No Such Thing As Apocalypse 1988 (2015-12-11)

Presenters: Harkin, Anne Miller, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The Very Hungry Caterpillar was originally called A Week with Willi the Worm. (Harkin)
  • During World War II the XX Committee, or "Double-Cross Committee" was in charge of turning German spies. (Miller)
  • Houses in Bali are built in proportion to the owner's body. (Ptaszynski)
  • According to Isaac Newton the world is going to end in 2060. (Schreiber)

92. No Such Thing As A Frozen Chicken Haunting (2015-12-18)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • There is only a 1 in 800,000 chance of nobody will cough during the recording of this podcast. (Harkin)
  • The Colosseum has recently banned centurions. (Schreiber)
  • From 1978 to 1991 tens of thousands of chicken heads were dropped from helicopters over Switzerland. (Ptaszynski)
  • In 2015 a ten-year study concluded that punching glass is very dangerous. (Murray)

93. No Such Thing As A Christmas Treenis (2015-12-25)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The oldest turkey in the UK is called Dinner. (Harkin)
  • Cary Grant and Clark Gable used to meet up once a year at Christmas to exchange unwanted monogramed gifts they received. (Ptaszynski)
  • When it gets really cold Christmas trees can turn into glass. (Murray)
  • One of the contenders for this year's Christmas charts is a prog rock album by Pope Francis. (Schreiber)

94. No Such Thing As Sexy Mucus Pajamas (2016-01-01)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • There is a chemical called arsole.
  • In the late 1950 and early 1960s, comics with gorillas on the front cover sold considerably more than comics without them.
  • The 25th Amendment allows US vice-presidents to take over as president when the president becomes incapacitated. It has happened three times, and each time the president was having a colonoscopy.
  • There is a scene in the movie Léon: The Professional where lots of police cars are parked outside a building. While this scene was being filmed a man who had just robbed a shot ran onto the movie set, thought it was the real police, and handed himself in.
  • Gary Numan is three weeks older than Gary Oldman.
  • The new organist of Leeds Cathedral is David Pipe.
  • There was a ghost army in World War II. The Allies used rubber inflatable tanks and recorded the sound of troops to trick the Germans into thinking the enemy was there.
  • Parrot fish wear protective pyjamas at night, which they eat in the morning.
  • The parents of fringe-limbed treefrogs grow extra layers of skin to feed their tadpoles.
  • The new tallest building in London is going to be named "Undershaft".
  • In 1774, one newspaper estimated that out of the 872,564 married couples in England only nine entirely happy.
  • At the Admiralty Office Lord Nelson has a small mahogany box to stand on because he was short and the admirals sat on a raised platform to make themselves higher before everyone who came before them to speak.
  • When Prince Charles married Princess Diana the TV cables put in place during the wedding were run through small holes by ferrets.
  • A ferret called Misty ran cables from the United States Space Command at the Y2K Centre. Her fee was a strawberry pop tart.
  • When a new HQ of the London Underground was opened in 1929 the statue on the front of the building of a naked boy was so controversial and there was so much public outcry that the sculpture had to reduce the size of the statue's penis by 1.5 inches.
  • Claire Danes and all of her movies were banned from the Philippines after she insulted the country in an interview.
  • The Korean term for the grinding dance is: "bubibubi".
  • Ottoman Emperor Abdul Hamid made it illegal to use the words "sibling", "star", "bedbug" and "nose".
  • Once, in order to send paper money through the post, people used to tear the money into two pieces and use the halves separately.

95. No Such Thing As A Millipede Embassy (2016-01-08)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Murray and Ptaszynski

  • Czech deer still avoid crossing the Iron Curtain. (Murray)
  • If every car in Monaco decided to go for a drive at the same time, they would not fit on the roads. (Harkin)
  • Centralia, Pennsylvania has been on fire since 1962. (Ptaszynski)
  • The first recorded traffic casualty was a Roman pig that was run over by a chariot carrying an ornamental phallus. (Bell)

96. No Such Thing As A Touch of Worms (2016-01-15)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Socrates had a spirit who spoke to him through the medium of sneezing. (Ptaszynski)
  • People used to hang their refrigerators from the ceiling. (Murray)
  • David Frost used to host live TV shows 8 nights a week, by travelling via Concorde. (Schreiber)
  • The original chill pill was a pill you took when you had a chill. (Harkin)

97. No Such Thing As Andrew Diplodocus Carnegie (2016-01-22)

Presenters: Helen Arney, Harkin, Murray, and Schreiber

  • Tomorrow will be the longest day of your life, because days on Earth are getting longer. (Arney)
  • In 1457 men with moustaches were banned from Dublin. (Harkin)
  • Diplodocuses could break the sound barrier. (Schreiber)
  • More and more scientists are just describing their finds as "astounding". (Murray)

98. No Such Thing As Planet George (2016-01-29)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Even though we are not sure if it exists, the possible Planet Nine is the most planety planet of all the planets. (Schreiber)
  • The first use of the word "snowmageddon" came in the same press release as for the apology for the first use of the word "snowmageddon". (Harkin)
  • The week this podcast was recorded, the largest known prime number ever discovered was found. It would have been discovered in September 2015, but the computer which found it forgot to tell anybody. (Murray)
  • In a press release for the new English language test for migrants, the British government misspelt the word "language". (Ptaszynski)

99. No Such Thing As Bread Civilians (2016-02-05)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • A New Zealand firm has developed an irrationally angry robot to train telesales staff. (Murray)
  • A fifth of the United States of America's meals are eaten in cars. (Ptaszynski)
  • The most dangerous job in Britain is that of a hairdresser. (Harkin)
  • Elvis Presley once started a riot at the end of his show by saying to the crowd: "Girls, I'll see you all backstage." (Schreiber)

100. No Such Thing As A Zillion and One (2016-02-12)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski, Schreiber and Corey Taylor

  • A million seconds is 11.5 days. A billion seconds is 32 years. (Taylor)
  • Star Trek was almost not commissioned because the pilot was considered too erotic. (Ptaszynski)
  • Lausanne, Switzerland, has banned silent discos for being too loud. (Harkin)
  • The giant squid's brain is wrapped around its throat, so if it eats anything too large it risks brain injury. (Murray)

101. No Such Thing As A Giant Robot Michael Jackson (2016-02-19)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In 2005, there were plans to make a 50-foot tall robot Michael Jackson that would roam around the Nevada Desert. (Harkin)
  • In the 16th century people disliked hedgehogs because it was believed they sucked cows udders. (Murray)
  • Herbert Spencer had an "angry suit" specially made which he only wore when he was feeling irritable. (Ptaszynski)
  • In order for Spider-Man to climb buildings, he would need Size 89 feet. (Schreiber)

102. No Such Thing As A Water Mortar (2016-02-26)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first water balloons were made out of socks. (Harkin)
  • You cannot write properly in French on French computer keyboards. (Schreiber)
  • Archers at the Battle of Agincourt had three arrows in the air at any given moment. (Murray)
  • Right-handed marmosets are braver than left-handed marmosets. (Ptaszynski)

103. No Such Thing As A Boa Constructor (2016-03-04)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky used to hold his head while conducting, because he was afraid it would fall off. (Schreiber)
  • Asthmatic otters can be taught to use inhalers. (Harkin)
  • Your appendix can be turned into a sphincter. (Ptaszynski)
  • The founder of Crufts designed special train carriages for celebrity dogs. (Murray)

104. No Such Thing As A Herd of Koalas (2016-03-11)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • When something thought to be a meteorite actually turns out to be an ordinary rock, it is called a "meteorwrong". (Schreiber)
  • Brown falcons commit arson. (Murray)
  • In 1461, the mayor of Jaén, Spain, donated 10,000 eggs to his citizens so that they could have a huge food fight. (Ptaszynski)
  • In 1951, Australia's football team played against England and lost 17–0. Their goalkeeper was called Norman Conquest. (Harkin)

105. No Such Thing As Pancakes for Perverts (2016-03-18)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Grumpy from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is not nearly grumpy enough, according to researchers from Duke University. (Harkin)
  • The Ancient Romans had party bags. (Murray)
  • Ernest Hemingway once stole a urinal from a bar, saying that he pissed away so much of his money into it that he owned it. (Schreiber)
  • The official medical diagnosis code for being struck by a chicken is different to the official medical diagnosis code for being pecked by a chicken. (Ptaszynski)

106. No Such Thing As A Six-Tier Japanese Human Pyramid (2016-03-25)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The frog whose Latin name means "blue frog" is actually green. (Schreiber)
  • You can surf on mushrooms. (Ptaszynski)
  • If you are allergic to cats, you are also allergic to lions. (Murray)
  • It is illegal in Japan to make a human pyramid higher than five tiers. (Harkin)

107. No Such Thing As Gorillas on the Beach (2016-04-01)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In Utah, it is illegal to wear a hat in your driving licence photo, but you can have a photo of you wearing a colander on your head, for religious reasons. (Schreiber)
  • There was a Victorian job that consisted solely of pushing people into the sea, known as a "dipper". (Murray)
  • Desperate Dan stopped eating cow pies because of mad cow disease. (Ptaszynski)
  • The oldest sperm is worm sperm. (Harkin)

108. No Such Thing As Samurai Olaf (2016-04-08)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • For just a penny, you can rent a bee for a month. (Murray)
  • Iceland imports ice. (Schreiber)
  • The most dangerous invasive species in Britain is a poo-eating mussel from Transylvania. (Harkin)
  • Until about 4,000 years ago, humans did not notice the colour blue. (Ptaszynski)

109. No Such Thing As A Speared Shrimp (2016-04-15)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In 1921, the News of the World gave away a free tea tray to any mother on the birth of their tenth child. (Harkin)
  • Belgian fishermen go fishing on horseback. (Murray)
  • 68% of mountains don't have pointy peaks. (Schreiber)
  • The oldest "Your mum" joke appears on a 3,500-year-old Babylonian tablet. (Ptaszynski)

110. No Such Thing As A Dull Post Box (2016-04-22)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Sara Pascoe, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In the 1920s scientists concluded that menstruating women wilted flowers. (Pascoe)
  • One proposed solution to plane hijackings in the 1970s was to build a pretend Havana airport in South Florida. (Murray)
  • In 2016 an organisation will finish a 40-year-long study of Britain's post boxes, at which point it will immediately start again. (Ptaszynski)
  • In the Middle Ages, people slept with cow dung at the foot of their beds to keep bugs away. (Harkin)

111. No Such Thing As A Snappedy Chat (2016-04-29)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The week this episode was recorded, Elizabeth II will celebrate her 669th birthday. (Harkin)
  • Brazilian Vice President Michel Temer accidentally released his presidential acceptance speech by sending it to the wrong WhatsApp group. (Ptaszynski)
  • Marburg, Germany is fighting global terror by banning number plates starting with the letters IS. (Murray)
  • The North Pole is on a head-on collision course with Greenwich, London. (Schreiber)

112. No Such Thing As A Lego Aircraft Carrier (2016-05-06)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Antarctica exports used toilet paper. (Murray)
  • Planes are launched off aircraft carriers via catapult. (Ptaszynski)
  • Apple used to give out an annual award to the employee who best stood up to Steve Jobs. (Schreiber)
  • There are Japanese rock bands called Abingdon Boys School, Mass of the Fermenting Dregs and Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her. (Harkin)

113. No Such Thing As A Flycycle (2016-05-13)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • When you are 30 metres underwater your lungs are only a quarter of their normal size. (Murray)
  • Online shopping was predicted by in 1857. (Ptaszynski)
  • The word "pants" comes from the Greek word for "all compassionate". (Harkin)
  • All new emojis are approved by one 63-year-old man, named Mark Davis. (Schreiber)

114. No Such Thing As A Tantrump (2016-05-20)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first thing that Ted Cruz did after dropping out of the Republican race was elbowing his wife in the face. (Ptaszynski)
  • Scientists have discovered that we still haven't discovered 99.999% of life on Earth. (Schreiber)
  • As well as winning the Premier League title, the owners of Leicester City F.C. also won the World Elephant Polo Championships. (Harkin)
  • Britain's first ever robot was designed to replace the Duke of York. (Murray)

115. No Such Thing As A Hummingbird Pilot (2016-05-26)

Presenters: Harkin, Anne Miller, Murray, Ptaszynski

  • The alarm clock on the Mir Space Station made the same noise as the emergency alarm. (Miller)
  • The Bosnian national anthem is almost exactly identical in melody to the theme from National Lampoon's Animal House. (Harkin)
  • Crows can bear a grudge for nine years and over two generations. (Murray)
  • In 1959, the man who set the record time for swimming the Panama Canal was declared an honorary ship by the Panama Canal Authority. (Ptaszynski)

116. No Such Thing As Notting Mountain (2016-06-02)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first performance-enhancing drug to be used in baseball was pulverised guinea pig testicles. (Ptaszynski)
  • There is a power station buried inside a Welsh mountain that is only turned on during TV advert breaks. (Bell)
  • 85 million years before butterflies existed, there was another animal that looked and acted exactly the same as butterflies. (Harkin)
  • The Longquan Buddhist Temple in China has a monk called Worthy Stupid Robot Monk. (Schreiber)

117. No Such Thing As Dr No Teeth (2016-06-09)

Presenters: Harkin, Tim Minchin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Bulgaria has an agency that shoots rockets to kill hail. (Minchin)
  • We judge music more on how it looks than how it sounds. (Ptaszynski)
  • The BFG's dream powder also helps against constipation. (Harkin)
  • Britain has only one performing circus raccoon. (Murray)

118. No Such Thing As Dinner on a Spider (2016-06-16)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The fear of lifts can be cured by starving the subject and forcing them to eat all of their meals in lifts. (Harkin)
  • The Russian Space Agency light their rockets using giant wooden matchsticks. (Schreiber)
  • The film Who Framed Roger Rabbit is based on a true story. (Murray)
  • The first ever wristwatch doubled-up as a thermometer. (Ptaszynski)

119. No Such Thing As 4D Surgery (2016-06-24)

Presenters: Stevyn Colgan, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Heart surgeons now perform surgery while wearing 3D glasses. (Schreiber)
  • One day we may all be drinking pigeon milk. (Colgan)
  • Books used to be stacked with the spines facing inwards. (Ptaszynski)
  • In May 2016, an internal memo from the Egyptian Government on how to crush the press was accidentally sent out to the press. (Murray)

120. No Such Thing As HMS Kevin (2016-07-01)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The way to defeat the Royal Navy's most advanced destroyer is to put it in warm water. (Schreiber)
  • In 1998, Singapore held a beauty contest where 60% of the judging marks were awarded for how good a contestant's website was. (Harkin)
  • There is a network of fully furnished fake apartments in the UK, whose sole is to get burgled. (Ptaszynski)
  • The world's biggest skywriting firm recently turned down a request to draw the largest ever penis in the sky. (Murray)

121. No Such Thing As The Sword in the Carbon Fibre (2016-07-08)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The reason Merlin isn't called "Merdin" is to avoid confusion with a 12th century word for faeces. (Ptaszynski)
  • Mate tea leafs sometimes flow upstream from the cup to the teapot. (Harkin)
  • Butchers in Ancient Egypt wore high heels. (Schreiber)
  • There is a fish called the Amazonian wood-eating catfish, but it is unable to digest wood. (Murray)

122. No Such Thing As A Sticky Shell Spoon (2016-07-15)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Farmers in Botswana have started painting eyes on their cows bottoms to stop lions from attacking them. (Murray)
  • James Harkin's top speed running in armour is the same as the top speed of a snowflake falling to Earth. (Harkin)
  • Archeologists have started throwing finds into skips because there is now too much history for them to store. (Schreiber)
  • Restaurants in 1950s Vietnam used to put holes in their soup spoons to stop people stealing them. (Ptaszynski)

123. No Such Thing As A Molten Lava Football Pitch (2016-07-22)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • A group of scientists are currently making their own lava. (Murray)
  • The word "Timbuktu" means "woman with a sticking-out belly button". (Harkin)
  • Lovers' hearts beat in sync. (Ptaszynski)
  • This year Hugh Hefner sold the Playboy Mansion. It comes with 30 rooms, a pool, a tennis court, a zoo licence and Hugh Hefner. (Schreiber)

124. No Such Thing As A Screaming Scream (2016-07-29)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first trampolines were made of walrus skin. (Ptaszynski)
  • One proposed solution to the problem of storing nuclear waste for thousands of years is putting up warning signs with Edvard Munch's The Scream on them. (Murray)
  • Karl Marx used to do London pub crawls. (Schreiber)
  • There is a glowworm in New Zealand that catches its pray by pretending to be a star. (Harkin)

125. No Such Thing As An Upside-Down Grand Prix (2016-08-05)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • 18th century hairstyles included "The Spaniel's Ears", "Mad Dog" and "The Drowned Chicken". (Murray)
  • The 1959 Formula One championship was won on foot. (Schreiber)
  • The earliest known mention of the balalaika is for someone being arrested for playing one. (Harkin)
  • Lemurs and lorises like their liquor as strong as possible. (Ptaszynski)

126. No Such Thing As A Boy Named Blclintn (2016-08-12)

Presenters: Harkin, Anne Miller, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The Olympics used to have a race which was just for old ladies. (Schreiber)
  • There was a Victorian comic song called "Tony Blair". (Miller)
  • The first president of the UK's Women's Institute used a frying pan as a whip, wore an entire stuffed owl on her head, and officially named the city of Canberra. (Ptaszynski)
  • You can make yourself more attractive to members of the opposite sex by giving them a magnet. (Harkin)

127. No Such Thing As 'Carry On Colliding' (2016-08-19)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • This episode of No Such Thing as a Fish is going to the Moon. (Bell)
  • Geologists have made an earthquake by dropping something heavy from somewhere high. (Ptaszynski)
  • Until 1970 you could still buy men-only flights from United Airlines. (Harkin)
  • The discovery of the Higgs boson was announced in Comic Sans. (Schreiber)

128. No Such Thing As A Million Dollar Bill (2016-08-26)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The controls in the world's first combat submarine, the Turtle, were lit up with glowing mushrooms. (Bell)
  • While he was president, Woodrow Wilson played more than 1,200 rounds of golf. (Harkin)
  • When Percy Shelley and Lord Byron went on a writer's retreat to Lake Geneva in 1816, the hotel opposite them hired out telescopes to their guests so that they could spy on them. (Schreiber)
  • Famous historical games of Go include the blood-vomiting game, the ear-reddening game, the famous killing game and the atomic bomb go game. (Ptaszynski)

129. No Such Thing As Jack The Stripper (2016-09-02)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Neanderthals wore capes. (Harkin)
  • When the first ballpoint pen was launched in the US, riot police had to be deployed to restrain the crowds. (Ptaszynski)
  • Not only was Lady Chatterley's Lover banned from Australia, but a book about the band was also banned. (Schreiber)
  • Henry VIII contributed to NASA's space suit design. (Murray)

130. No Such Thing As Train Jam (2016-09-09)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • On 13 July 1930, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle headlined a show at the Royal Albert Hall, despite having died six days before. (Schreiber)
  • Dutch trains are fitted with lasers to fire at leaves on the line. (Ptaszynski)
  • To avoid catching malaria you should carry a live chicken with you at all times. (Murray)
  • All of the sandals worn by the Puebloan peoples of New Mexico had enough space for six toes. (Harkin)

131. No Such Thing As Walking the Life Jacket (2016-09-16)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • When she was prime minister, Margaret Thatcher ordered that all government documents should have slightly different word spacing, so if a letter was leaked to the press they would know who it came from. (Harkin)
  • Duct tape should not be used on ducts. (Bell)
  • Oxford University's first ever professor of chemistry, Robert Plot, believed that fossils were actually frozen urine. (Schreiber)
  • Leonardo da Vinci made sculptures out of marzipan and got angry when people ate them. (Ptaszynski)

132. No Such Thing As A Creepy Weather Forecaster (2016-09-23)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The least creepy job in the world is weather forecaster. (Harkin)
  • Self-driving cars are playing Grand Theft Auto in order to learn how to drive better. (Schreiber)
  • Kookaburras are born with a hook in their upper beak which is specifically for murdering their siblings. (Murray)
  • The first ever mention of paper recommended it as a cure for frizzy hair. (Ptaszynski)

133. No Such Thing As Paranoid Ants (2016-09-30)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The first 2016 US presidential debate was best watched with the sound turned off. (Harkin)
  • A frog has vomited up a new species of ant. (Ptaszynski)
  • A group of Saxon soldiers is marching 300 miles towards Hastings, to commemorate the Battle of Stamford Bridge. (Murray)
  • Scientists have concluded that objects look smaller when viewed from between the legs. (Schreiber)

134. No Such Thing As Sauce For The King Of Sweden (2016-10-07)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • One of the stalls at the 2016 Conservative Party conference is a grouse shooting simulator. (Ptaszynski)
  • Comets sound like a cross between a cat and a dolphin. (Murray)
  • Nobel Prize winners always immediately return their award so they don't lose it in the subsequent party. (Harkin)
  • Two recently recovered stolen Van Gogh paintings would buy you enough cocaine that you could snort a continuous line from Greenwich to Moscow. (Schreiber)

135. No Such Thing As Queen of Clean, the Sausage Machine (2016-10-14)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Scientists have developed barcodes for zebras. (Murray)
  • Agatha Christie was once turned away from a party held in her honour. (Bell)
  • Different species of dolphin babysit each other's children. (Ptaszynski)
  • Jackie Stallone is a bum-reader. (Schreiber)

136. No Such Thing As A Wolf Diving For Clams (2016-10-21)

Presenters: Piers Fletcher, Murray, Justin Pollard and Ptaszynski

  • The first person ever recorded buying a pornographic book in England was Samuel Pepys. (Pollard)
  • If 50 people swam continuously for 15 months in an Olympic-size swimming pool, the water would boil. (Fletcher)
  • In Wales, the size of garden used to be determined by how far you could throw an axe. (Ptaszynski)
  • Some caterpillars find new friends by drumming on their anuses. (Murray)

137. No Such Thing As Churchill's Secret Parrot (2016-10-28)

Presenters: Harkin, Anne Miller, Murray, and Ptaszynski

  • Four-year-old mice are less common than 100-year-old humans. (Harkin)
  • The detective agency that hunted Butch Cassidy also worked for Coca-Cola. (Ptaszynski)
  • You cannot get to the highest point of Mauritania, Kediet ej Jill, with a compass. (Murray)
  • In 2015, a plane had to make an emergency landing after the smoke alarm was triggered by 14 sheep. (Miller)

138. No Such Thing As Fluff Island (2016-11-04)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Ed Brooke-Hitching, Murray, and Ptaszynski

  • In 1875, the British navy erased 123 islands from their charts because they didn't exist. (Brooke-Hitching)
  • The White House only got the ability to print on double-sided paper in 2016. (Murray)
  • World War II Morse code operators could recognise each other's accents over the line. (Bell)
  • Braver snails have thicker shells. (Ptaszynski)

139. No Such Thing As A Lobster Nappy (2016-11-12)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Schreiber and Ptaszynski

  • Smooth fan lobsters travel round the sea inside jellyfish, eating their rides as they go. (Harkin)
  • In 1892, France built a telescope that was so long it couldn't actually be pointed at the sky. (Murray)
  • The first gentlemen's club in America was formed for the purpose of eating turtle soup. (Ptaszynski)
  • When Evel Knievel starred in the 1977 film Viva Knievel! he used a stunt double. (Schreiber)

140. No Such Thing As As Books for Pirate-Children (2016-11-18)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Schreiber and Ptaszynski

  • A pub in London has just renamed itself "The Bill Murray". However, because they couldn't get his permission, they had to name it after William Murray, whipping boy to Charles I of England instead. (Schreiber)
  • It is impossible to paint a picture with the world's blackest black and the world's pinkest pink. (Harkin)
  • At least 30% of the cocaine in America arrives by submarine. (Ptaszynski)
  • In the Greek Odysseus myth, he escapes from the Cyclops by hiding under one of the Cyclops's sheep. In the Apache version of the same myth, he escapes by hiding in the anus of a buffalo. (Murray)

141. No Such Thing As As Ancient Roman Pictionary (2016-11-25)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Schreiber and Ptaszynski

  • The word "wow" has been popular in Scotland for 400 years before it caught on in the rest of the English speaking world. (Harkin)
  • At least 61 species live in elephant footprints. (Ptaszynski)
  • The original edition of Wisden Cricketers' Almanack was 112 pages long, and because the author wasn't sure what to put in it, was padded it out with the accounts of the trial of Charles I. (Schreiber)
  • Fossilised poo is worth more of if it has what one collector has called: "The classic poo look." (Murray)

142. No Such Thing As As Edward Bin Bag Hands (2016-12-02)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Schreiber and Ptaszynski

  • The Oval Office is a giant weighing scale. (Schreiber)
  • Because male bumblebees rely on sight to find females, they sometimes find themselves chasing after aeroplanes. (Harkin)
  • Running a leaf blower for 30 minutes creates more emissions than driving a pick-up truck 3,800 miles. (Murray)
  • Early humans had spiky penises. (Ptaszynski)

143. No Such Thing As As Chariots in Space (2016-12-09)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Schreiber and Ptaszynski

  • Scientists at MIT have invented an artificial intelligence that can see into the future, but only by two seconds. (Harkin)
  • Big Ben is falling over. (Bell)
  • When aspirin tablets were first introduced, people were unsure how to take them, so one patient ended up strapping them to his head to cure a headache. (Ptaszynski)
  • The first British plans to put a human on the Moon were made by Oliver Cromwell's brother-in-law. (Schreiber)

144. No Such Thing As As Garlic Superman (2016-12-16)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Murray and Schreiber

  • In 1851 all of the 436,800 sandwiches sold on the streets of London were ham. (Murray)
  • Since 2003, the UK has eaten £1.5 million in cash. (Bell)
  • A day on the Sun lasts both 25 and 38 Earth days. (Schreiber)
  • In 1945, police in Halifax, Nova Scotia initiated a campaign to stop people from beeping their car horns in Morse code to signal out vile and filthy language. (Harkin)

145. No Such Thing As E.T. Part Three (2016-12-23)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The word "soon", can mean "right now", but people misused it, so it came to mean, "in a bit".
  • The number plate of the car in which Franz Ferdinand was shot is the date that World War One ended: A111118.
  • Australian bush rangers would put the horseshoes on their horses backwards so the tracks would appear to be going in the opposite direction.
  • The US military blared out AC/DC music at Manuel Noriega for two days continuously to remove him. He surrendered.
  • Symptoms of asthma can be treated with a roller coaster ride.
  • Viagra is an excellent cure for jet lag in hamsters.
  • Sean Connery was once pulled over and fined by a police officer for speeding. The officer's name was Sgt. James Bond.
  • VfL Wolfsburg's longest-serving manager is Wolfgang Wolf.
  • BSC Young Boys used to play at Wankdorf Stadium.
  • The flag that flies over Big Ben is the same size as Wimbledon Centre Court.
  • The reason scuba divers roll out of the boat backwards is that if they rolled forwards they would fall into the boat.
  • Major League Baseball umpires are required to wear black underwear in case they tear their trousers.
  • When the world's largest rocking chair was built, it was immediately welded to the ground because the sight of it rocking in the wind scared the locals.
  • Adam Ant used to walk Paul McCartney's dog, because Ant's mother was McCartney's cleaner.
  • The kakapo evolved out of itself the ability to fly, but they have also forgotten that they can't fly.
  • When the ancient Romans deployed lions against enemy tribes, the tribes assumed the lions were large dogs.
  • John le Carré's father once seduced a lady on a night train by claiming to be John le Carré.
  • In 1996, two neighbours in Devon spent a year hooting at owls, unaware of the fact they were hooting at each other.
  • People in Churchill, Manitoba, leave their doors unlocked in case people need to make a quick escape from polar bears.
  • "Oxy" is Greek for "sharp" and "moron" is Greek for "dull", so the term oxymoron is an oxymoron.
  • During the Christmas truce, the Germans put up a sign facing the British troops saying, "Gott ist mit uns", meaning "God is with us". The British replied with a sign saying: "And we've got mittens too."
  • In 2010, Fiji lost their declaration of independence and had to ask the British for a photocopy.
  • If too many pistachio nuts are shipped in the same container, they will spontaneously combust.
  • The German International Development Agency is called "GIZ".
  • The German word for "squirrel" literally means "nut croissant".
  • A kangaroo licks its arms to stay cool.

Special 3 No Such Thing As A Fish: Extra Bits (2016-12-30)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Piers Fletcher, Harkin, Anne Miller, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

A collection of previously unreleased material from 2016.

146. No Such Thing As A Queen Orca (2017-01-06)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Sara Pascoe and Schreiber

  • Jonas Hanway, the first man to use an umbrella in London was pelted with rubbish for doing so. (Harkin)
  • The male brain changes when his partner is pregnant. (Pascoe)
  • A fifth of all the species of coral on the planet have been named by the same man, John Veron. (Murray)
  • The first female British playwright was called Joanna Lumley. (Schreiber)

147. No Such Thing As Burrito Party Boy (2017-01-13)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Murray and Ptaszynski

  • In 1683, it was reported that some people were ice skating in the Netherlands, when the ice broke away and they floated all the way to Essex. (Harkin)
  • Carlos Menem had such a reputation for bad luck that people would touch their left breast or testicle while shaking his hand. (Bell)
  • Isambard Kingdom Brunel once spent six months with a coin stuck in his windpipe as the result of a magic trick that backfired. (Ptaszynski)
  • To deal with violent or drunk people, Japanese police carry massive futons and roll the offender up in them to calm them down. (Murray)

148. No Such Thing As A Plummeting Moose (2017-01-20)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Murray and Ptaszynski

  • John Adams, the second president of the United States, used to inspect London's dung. (Ptaszynski)
  • You can be blocked from getting a Swiss passport if your neighbours find you too annoying. (Harkin)
  • There are people in the Houses of Parliament who are constantly looking for fire. (Murray)
  • The Cookie Monster is not allowed to eat cookies because it damages the fabric made to use the puppet. (Bell)

149. No Such Thing As The Train King of Europe (2017-01-27)

Presenters: Harkin, Anne Miller, Murray and Ptaszynski

  • In 1758, there were two camels on display in London, one with a single hump and one with two humps. They were advertised as "the surprising camel" and "the wonderful camel". (Harkin)
  • Before they are launched, London sends all its trains to Austria to be beaten up at the Rail Tec Arsenal. (Murray)
  • The oil company Shell used to sell shells. (Miller)
  • When Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart first performed in Naples, he had to stop to take his ring off half-way through because the audience complained it was a magic ring. (Ptaszynski)

150. No Such Thing As A Helium Filled Pufferfish (2017-02-03)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In the final years of its construction, Mount Rushmore was built by baseball players. (Schreiber)
  • On some train journeys in China, passengers are forced to take it in turns to use the seats, so that everyone gets the chance to sit down for some of the journey. (Harkin)
  • The Moon has been collecting tiny bits of Earth for the last three billion years. (Murray)
  • The most deadly user of Portuguese man o' war venom is not the Portuguese man o' war, but the blue dragon sea slug. (Ptaszynski)

151. No Such Thing As A Komodo Dragon Restaurant (2017-02-10)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • A frog's tongue is 10 times softer than a human's tongue. (Ptaszynski)
  • During the Second World War, Britain invented chocolate bars infused with garlic to give to pilots who were shot down, and who needed to make their breath authentically French. (Murray)
  • A komodo dragon can taste its meal two-and-a-half miles before it gets to the restaurant. (Schreiber)
  • You can improve your darts game by training yourself to dream about darts. (Harkin)

152. No Such Thing As A Sleepover With Lions (2017-02-17)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The Doomsday Clock was originally set at seven-minutes-to-midnight because the artist responsible for it thought it looked good. (Murray)
  • Some villages in the Central African Republic deliberately allow lions to live nearby so that they can steal their food. (Harkin)
  • There is a Victorian time capsule under Cleopatra's Needle in London that contains photographs of the 12 best looking women in England. (Schreiber)
  • After women stop breast-feeding their breasts eat themselves. (Ptaszynski)

153. No Such Thing As Mulled Wine at the Dawn of Time (2017-02-24)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The smallest football league in the world, the Isles of Scilly Football League, consists of two teams who play each other 22 times every season. (Murray)
  • In the 1940s in America, if you wanted to play a recording of a band's song on the radio, the entire band had to be present in the studio while you played it. (Ptaszynski)
  • The British Library has a collection of over 60 million newspapers, and none of them can catch fire. (Schreiber)
  • The man who invented mulled wine also invented an aphrodisiac sorbet. (Harkin)

154. No Such Thing As A Submarine Shepherd (2017-03-04)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • British warships are so noisy that enemy submarines can hear them from 100 miles away. (Harkin)
  • The first account of Europeans smoking cannabis reported that one man hid in a jar for four hours and another man got into a fight with a pillow. (Ptaszynski)
  • Glowworms fish with their own urine. (Murray)
  • According to the Endangered Language Alliance, more languages are spoken in Queens, New York than anywhere else in the world. (Schreiber)

155. No Such Thing As Hurricane Schmurricane (2017-03-10)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Scientists can now predict when someone is going to fall over three weeks before it happens. (Schreiber)
  • When he became president, Lyndon B. Johnson installed a special shower in the White House that fired a jet directly at his penis. (Harkin)
  • Rejected names for British storms include Baldrick, Noddy, Megatron and Branchwobbler. (Murray)
  • Boxer crabs use sea anemones as boxing gloves. (Ptaszynski)

156. No Such Thing As A Limited Edition (2017-03-17)

Presenters: Dr. Erica McAlister, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • A vinegar fly's sperm is so long that if a human had a similar sperm-to-human size ratio, human sperm would be the size of a sperm whale. (McAlister)
  • Whenever he got angry, Winston Churchill would throw his false teeth across the room. (Schreiber)
  • Art galleries put glass marbles between the paintings and the walls to deter thieves. (Ptaszynski)
  • Prisoners in Siberian Gulag used to eat prehistoric animals they found frozen in the ice. (Murray)

157. No Such Thing As High Fiving The Beatles (2017-03-24)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The man who popularised the high five, Wiley Brown only has four fingers on one of his hands. (Schreiber)
  • When Sally Ride went into space, NASA designed a make-up kit for her. (Ptaszynski)
  • The Indian justice system has a backlog of 31 million cases. (Harkin)
  • Scientists are building a special bunker in Antarctica to store bits of glacier from the Alps. (Murray)

158. No Such Thing As A Weasel's Fridge (2017-03-31)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Sometimes racing ferrets fall asleep half-way along the course. (Murray)
  • According to Venezuelan law, 90% of wheat must be made into loaves of bread rather than cakes or pastries. (Harkin)
  • GCHQ has an internal ghost hunting club. (Ptaszynski)
  • There are washing machines in India that have a button specifically for curry stains. (Schreiber)

159. No Such Thing As An Edible Jockey (2017-04-07)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In 1966, the Chinese press reported that a 73-year-old Chairman Mao had swum 15km of the Yangtze river in 65 minutes. That's twice the speed that Michael Phelps has ever swum. (Harkin)
  • Seahorses greet their partners every day to make sure they are still alive. (Murray)
  • Falcon experts put on a special hat when they want to collect falcon semen. (Schreiber)
  • Mayan women had to prove they could make cocoa with the right amount of froth before men could marry them. (Ptaszynski)

160. No Such Thing As A Sausage Jacuzzi (2017-04-14)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • At rush hour, there are more people under the ground in London than there are people above the ground in Edinburgh. (Schreiber)
  • Every month, the same number of people on average Google "How to make love" as "How to make slime". (Harkin)
  • Old Faithful used to be used as a washing machine. (Ptaszynski)
  • There are three world's largest porch swings, in Louisiana, Nebraska and Ontario, and none of them is on a porch. (Murray)

161. No Such Thing As A Magic Donkey (2017-04-21)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The person who invented the lie detector, John Augustus Larson, married the first person he interrogated with it. (Ptaszynski)
  • Liechtenstein has roughly two companies for every person who lives there. (Murray)
  • In 47BC there was a giant robot Cleopatra walking the streets of Alexandria squirting milk from her breasts onto the heads of onlookers. (Schreiber)
  • Manatees control their buoyancy through flatulence. (Harkin)

162. No Such Thing As Catastrophic Shoelaces (2017-04-28)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The largest diamond ever found in Russia is called the 26th Congress of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. (Ptaszynski)
  • Scientists have announced that they finally know why shoelaces untie themselves. (Schreiber)
  • HMS Victory nearly didn't get out of the dock it was built in because it was too big. (Murray)
  • In a chocolate Hobnob the chocolate is on the bottom of the biscuit. (Harkin)

163. No Such Thing As Too Fast For A Fish (2017-05-05)

Presenters: Harkin, John Hodgman, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • One of the conspiracy theories as to why the RMS Titanic sank is not because it hit an iceberg, but because so many time travellers visited it that it caused it to sink. (Hodgman)
  • During the California Gold Rush, a pair of boots could cost the equivalent of $2,300 in today's money. (Harkin)
  • The area of Australia owned by British people is larger than Britain. (Murray)
  • In the first half of the 20th century, multiple countries considered draining the Mediterranean Sea. (Ptaszynski)

164. No Such Thing As A Poo Powered Plane (2017-05-11)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Ideas proposed for the US border wall include a trench full of nuclear waste, a one-way mirror and three million hammocks. (Murray)
  • North Korea's national airline Air Koryo, owns ten times more taxis than it owns aeroplanes. (Harkin)
  • All NASA astronauts are wearing hand-me-downs. (Schreiber)
  • As of last week, whenever state media in Tajikistan mentions the president, they now have to legally refer to him by his full title: "The Founder of Peace and National Unity, Leader of the Nation, President of the Republic of Tajikistan, His Excellency, Emomali Rahmon." (Ptaszynski)

165. No Such Thing As A Spider The Size Of A Sheep (2017-05-19)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The Chinese government are planning on giving their national anthem, "March of the Volunteers", a speed limit. (Schreiber)
  • In 1921, 78% of shaving brushes sold in New York contained anthrax. (Harkin)
  • The cargo hold of the largest plane in service, the Antonov An-225 Mriya, is longer than the first flight taken by the Wright brothers. (Murray)
  • Poo on a table will look closer to you than it actually is. (Ptaszynski)

166. No Such Thing As A Courgette In Your Ear (2017-05-26)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Chicken eggs turn from pointy-end first to blunt-end first just before they come out. (Murray)
  • Former Prime Minister of Georgia, Bidzina Ivanishvili, has started taking famous trees from around the country, digging them up and planting them in his own garden. (Harkin)
  • US military medics use longer needles than normal because soldiers are often too buff for the regular ones. (Schreiber)
  • If you drew a dot in indelible ink on your eardrum, it would appear on the outside of your ear in a few weeks. (Ptaszynski)

167. No Such Thing As Milk From a Yak (2017-06-02)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Tibet is suffering from a shortage of butter sculptors. (Ptaszynski)
  • You can email any of the 70,000 trees in Melbourne, Australia. (Schreiber)
  • The world's hottest chilli, the dragon's breath, is not meant to be eaten. It is meant to be used as an anaesthetic. (Harkin)
  • One of Napoleon's admirals, Georges René Le Peley de Pléville, lost three legs in battle. (Murray)

168. No Such Thing As Lord Cauldronhead (2017-06-09)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • All forfeited election deposits go straight to the Queen. (Ptaszynski)
  • Only one political party in the 2017 United Kingdom general election, the Church of the Militant Elvis Party, offered to do anything about yetis. (Schreiber)
  • There is a problem with the forthcoming Kenyan general election, as they are running out of symbols for their candidates. Candidates are now using a milk packet, a termite and a robot as symbols. (Harkin)
  • In the 19th century, one of England's constituencies had no people living in it and another was underwater. (Murray)

169. No Such Thing As Constantly Awake Beauty (2017-06-16)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski

  • Baby elephants suck their trunks for comfort. (Bell)
  • Movie goers blink in sync. (Harkin)
  • If you buy an apple today it might have been taken off the tree in May 2014. (Murray)
  • The first Western eyewitness account of India described it as having ants the size of foxes. (Ptaszynski)

170. No Such Thing As A Love Potion for a Vole (2017-06-23)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski

  • Early ice skating rinks stank of pig fat. (Murray)
  • In 1912, the Toronto government ran a flyswatting competition. It was won by a 12-year-old girl who killed 500,000 flies. (Ptaszynski)
  • When animating One Hundred and One Dalmatians, Disney photocopied the dogs. (Bell)
  • Seeds have brains. (Harkin)

171. No Such Thing As A Half-Ape Vampire (2017-06-30)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The Icelandic version of Agatha Christie's Lord Edgware Dies took over ten years to complete because the translator could not work out how to translate two words. (Schreiber)
  • Out of the 360 million Camemberts made every year, less than 1% are actually Camembert. (Harkin)
  • Norway's coastline is so long that if you took a piece of string along it and stretched it out, it would run along the whole planet 2.5 times. (Murray)
  • Beef stroganoff is named after the great-grandson of the person who brought human chess to Russia. (Ptaszynski)

172. No Such Thing As A Cat-a-Cops Cartoon (2017-07-07)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In China, you can hire mistress dispellers, to lure away your husband's mistress. (Ptaszynski)
  • Richard Nixon's chair was 2.5 inches higher than everyone else's in the cabinet room. (Harkin)
  • There is a special police unit in France whose job is to monitor six million dead people, called the "Cat-a-Cops". (Murray)
  • The No. 1 place to by CDs in Indonesia currently is KFC. (Schreiber)

173. No Such Thing As Symphony For Sizzurp in D Minor (2017-07-14)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • To be a US tennis umpire you need to learn a 230-page book. (Murray)
  • In Mexico, artists can pay their taxes in the form of artwork. (Ptaszynski)
  • The size of a rainbow can tell you how polluted the air is. (Harkin)
  • A new study has revealed that the genre of music with the most references to drugs is country music. (Schreiber)

174. No Such Thing As A Manta Ray (2017-07-21)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Guinness World Records have entries for "Most mousetraps released on the tongue", "Most matchsticks extinguished by the tongue" and "Most fan blades stopped by the tongue". (Harkin)
  • Pope John Paul II's popemobile can be hired out for stag dos and hen dos. (Schreiber)
  • There is no such thing as a manta ray. (Murray)
  • The former mayor of Bogotá, Antanas Mockus, once hired 420 mime artists to make fun of traffic violators, because he believed that Colombians feared ridicule more than punishment. (Ptaszynski)

175. No Such Thing As A Rice Krispie With Feelings (2017-07-28)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • It takes 10 years to learn how to make artificial sushi. (Murray)
  • When Mount Vesuvius erupted, it created a mini-volcanoes in some peoples heads. (Ptaszynski)
  • The first bendy straws were used by people in hospitals. (Harkin)
  • Bomb detectors in America work 16 times better when they are fitted with a fake dog nose on the end. (Schreiber)

176. No Such Thing As A Communist Caterpillar (2017-08-04)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In America, you get traffic jams caused by people chasing tornadoes. (Schreiber)
  • There is a special quarantine centre for chocolate in the English countryside. (Murray)
  • To celebrate the Communist revolution, the Bolsheviks planned to build a tower in St. Petersburg that projected the news onto the clouds. (Ptaszynski)
  • Caterpillars are more likely to vomit when they are on their own. (Harkin)

177. No Such Thing As A Barking Spy (2017-08-11)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • In 1957, America developed a shouting bomb, that would lecture the enemy for three minutes as it dropped from the sky. (Schreiber)
  • In 2017 a book called Forty Minutes Late was returned to a library in San Francisco 100 years late. (Harkin)
  • The person who invented crowd control barriers did so because so many people were flocking to see his giant balloon. (Ptaszynski)
  • Volkswagen sells more sausages than cars. (Murray)

178. No Such Thing As A Cup Full of Nessie (2017-08-18)

Presenters: Harkin, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • One of the costume designers on Star Wars also made a "moose suit" for scientists to help them sneak up on moose. (Ptaszynski)
  • Switzerland has 18 living ex-presidents. (Harkin)
  • A New Zealand scientist is planning to hurt for the Loch Ness Monster inside of a cup. (Schreiber)
  • Our liver grows and shrinks by 40% every 24 hours. (Murray)

179. No Such Thing As A Stare-Boxing (2017-08-25)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Harkin, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • 10% of the UFC is owned by UAE. (Schreiber)
  • Palau is about to pass a law meaning that every hotel in the country has to be five star. (Harkin)
  • Every Canadian citizen is entitled to a free government-issue portrait of Elizabeth II. (Bell)
  • The first ever Encyclopædia Britannica said that humans were divided into five categories: American, European, Asiatic, South African and monstrous. (Ptaszynski)

180. No Such Thing As Stare-Boxing (2017-09-01)

Presenters: Harkin, Anne Miller, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • Genoa Airport has relaxed its liquid ban, but only for pesto. (Miller)
  • It has been scientifically proven that The Beatles were an average band that didn't really influence music. (Harkin)
  • When the first pilgrims went over on the Mayflower, one of them brought 139 pairs of shoes with him. (Ptaszynski)
  • A new scientific paper on why horses only have one toe has been published. The author is Brianna McHorse. (Schreiber)

181. No Such Thing As Playing Snakes on a Plane (2017-09-08)

Presenters: Alex Bell, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The original director of Jaws was a man called Richard Richards, who was fired because he kept referring to the sharks as a whale. (Murray)
  • Until the 1960s, high speed trains in Britain would drop carriages off in stations that they weren't stopping at. (Bell)
  • Birds in cages hop in the direction they are meant to be migrating. (Ptaszynski)
  • Each year 26 tonnes of clothing is left behind at the starting line of the Boston Marathon: that's one tonne for every mile of the marathon. (Schreiber)

182. No Such Thing As An Auction for Auction School (2017-09-15)

Presenters: Jason Hazeley, Murray, Ptaszynski and Schreiber

  • The curator of the British Lawnmower Museum is allergic to grass. (Hazeley)
  • Jimmy Carter once gave a speech in Poland where he accidentally said he wanted to have sex with all Polish people. (Ptaszynski)
  • Narcissists don't like looking at themselves. (Schreiber)
  • Clenching one's buttocks is a technique Christie's auctioneers are taught to stop their hands shaking. (Murray)

183. No Such Thing As A Bouncy Theatre

  • 1% of the entire planet's wood supply is turned into Ikea furniture (Alex)
  • The Nazca people would employ someone to walk around with a dead fox on their head (Harkin)
  • Instead of going outside, the painter Gainsborough painted outdoor scenes by making a little model with moss and broccoli. (Murray)
  • The US Navy's submarines are starting to control their periscopes with Xbox controllers (Schreiber)

184. No Such Thing As Dinosaur Diaries

  • Avril Lavigne is the celebrity most likely to give you a virus. (Harkin)
  • There is a type of dinosaur which is almost always found on its back. (Murray)
  • Snakes that eat snakes can eat snakes that are 139% of their body length. (Schreiber)
  • Medieval street performers multiplied numbers together for entertainment. (Ptaszynski)

185. No Such Thing As Scottish Snow

  • Unity Mitford was the only person to be BFFs with Churchill and Hitler (Cariad Lloyd)
  • In the 1920s, doctors prescribed intentionally terrifying flights on aeroplanes to cure deafness (Ptaszynski)
  • There is a patch of snow in Scotland that fell eleven years ago and just melted this week (Harkin)
  • The first person ever to use the word "spongecake" was Jane Austen (Schreiber)

186. No such thing as Russian hacking in the cockroach election

  • Humans should be able to sense magnetic fields (Alice)
  • The army has tanks that carry fold-out bridges for when they meet a river they can't cross. (Ptaszynski)
  • A new law in Oregon has banned a game called Big Injun. There is no evidence anyone has played Big Injun since the 1950s, and no living person appears to know the rules. (Harkin)
  • African wild dogs have a sneeze-based voting system. (Murray)

187. No such thing as an ant on its gap year

  • When a prince in the Byzantine empire was ready to marry, court officials would walk around the land with an imperial shoe which they used to check the foot size of potential princesses. (Harkin)
  • China has built an exact replica of an Austrian village so that tourists don't have to fly all the way to Austria. (Anna)
  • Ants have self control. (Murray)
  • When filming the famous hill scene at the beginning of The Sound Of Music, the helicopter downdraught would knock Julie Andrews over after each take. (Alex)

188. No such thing as a mouth-propelled grenade

  • Mo Farah has only one Guinness World Record, and it is in the one-hundred meter sack race. (Harkin)
  • The inside of a Kit-Kat is made of more Kit-Kats. (Murray)
  • The first hamsters to come to the UK arrived in a coat pocket. (Anna)
  • An effective way to treat snoring is to regularly play the didgeridoo. (Dan)
  • The North-East has the greatest variety of ginger hair in the world, with forty-seven shades. (Jess)

189. No Such Thing As A Meringue-utan

  • This year, the phrase "Make America Great Again" adorned half a million hats and one anus.
  • EastEnders star Adam Woodyatt was beaten in the London Marathon this year by a man in a sleeping bag, a woman in a full-body dinosaur suit, and a man carrying a tumble-dryer.
  • The Queen's nickname is Gary.
  • Australian Queensland police successfully lowered crime rates this year by asking victims to stop reporting crimes.

190. No Such Thing as a Magic Oven for Chimps

  • Britain exports over fifty thousand boomerangs every year to Australia.
  • The Catalan region does regular checks of websites that end in .cat to check that they're about Catalonia and not about cats.
  • When Wal-Mart opened in Germany, it scrapped its policy of making employees smile at customers because the Germans found it too weird.
  • It is really easy to beat chimpanzees at the game Rock Paper Scissors.
  • Cleaning your teeth is the only time you get to clean your skeleton.

191. No such thing as a cannibal squirrel

  • It is easier to speak Dutch if you're drunk.
  • American president Calvin Coolidge used to ride a robot horse inside the White House three times a day.
  • A member of Iceland's Pirate Party just injured her eye and had to appear on TV wearing an eyepatch.
  • The man who invented email later changed career to become a sheep's semen importer.
  • The inventor of the bra had a pet whippet named Clitoris.


  • Mountains are partly shaped by salmon
  • The oldest surviving Sooty puppet has just been bought at auction, and it was bought by Sooty.
  • When King George VI married the Queen Mother, the Archbishop of Canterbury wouldn't let them broadcast the ceremony on the radio in case people listened in the pub without removing their hats.
  • The Brazilian frog known as the Pumpkin Toadlet has a mating call that can be heard by every animal out there except for one: other Pumpkin Toadlets.
  • British Army soldiers can wear the same underwear for three months straight.


  • The leading investigator of the Trump-Russian investigation is called Bobby Threesticks.
  • Donald Trump this year confused Theresa May with a glamour model.
  • An Archbishop in Sicily has banned Mafia members from being godfathers.
  • The Bank of England's gym lockers didn't accept the new £1 coins.


  • It used to be thought that you couldn't testify in court if you'd seen a crime through a window.
  • American pioneering explorers Lewis and Clark have been tracked via their poo.
  • The authors Thomas Hardy, Rudyard Kipling and Joseph Conrad have all written books the size of postage stamps.
  • Army ant nests are made of other army ants.


  • Michigan banned plastic bag bans.
  • In Italy, fishermen went on strike to protest against extremely intelligent dolphins.
  • In China, Winnie the Pooh was censored because he looks too similar to Xi Jinping, the President.
  • In 1766, there was a cheese riot in Nottingham where the mayor of Nottingham was knocked over by a large cheese.
  • Baby robins sometimes eat so many caterpillars they turn green.
  • The Russian communist leader Vladimir Lenin spoke with an Irish accent.
  • In Japan, if you make a mistake at work you can hire someone to get told off by your boss, so you don't have to.


  • This year, a zookeeper performed mouth-to-mouth on an aardvark for an hour.
  • The CIA has hacking programmes called Panda Poke, Panda Flight and Panda Sneeze.
  • A hotel called the Niagara had to close because it was flooded.
  • The first loop-the-loop rollercoaster closed because so many riders were passing out.
  • America has a national grocery bag packing competition.
  • One of the things you need to know in order to become a British Citizen is who introduced shampoo to the United Kingdom.
  • If your metabolism was as fast as a hummingbird's, you'd need to drink a can of Coke every minute to stay alive.
  • In 1993, San Francisco held a referendum over whether police officer Bob Geary was allowed to patrol while carrying a ventrilloquist's dummy called Brendan O'Smartie.


  • Two thousand bees were stolen in Beeston this year.
  • Game of Thrones has set a world record for most stuntmen on fire at the same time.
  • The telephone dialling code for Cape Canaveral, the famous rocket-launch site, is 3-2-1.
  • The world's largest honey bees make hallucinogenic honey, and you're only allowed to collect this honey if you've had a specific dream.
  • The man who invented the pink flamingo garden ornament dressed in matching clothes with his wife for 35 years.
  • When Winston Churchill made his first radio address to the people of occupied France, he had his male French coach sitting on his lap.
  • Meghan Markle's ancestors were executed by Prince Harry's ancestors.


  • As well as getting a visit from Santa Claus at Christmas, Icelanders also get a visit from the spoon-licker, the door-sniffer and the sausage-swiper.
  • An ancient Greek form of contraception was a suppository made of frankincense, myrrh and blister beetles.
  • Oregon has twelve times as many Christmas trees as humans.
  • The man who brought the phrase "Merry Christmas" to English was also the first Englishman to use the word "Prosecco".


  • Archaeologists have just dug up, in the middle of the desert, an enormous Sphinx statue. It is believed to be anything up to 95 years old.
  • When British author William Haslet died, his landlady was so keen to re-let his room that she hid his body under the bed while she showed new tenants around.
  • Unicef has a nutrition ambassador called Poopy.
  • The first ever sports bra was two jockstraps.


  • Walker's Crisps only source potatoes that are grown far away from golf courses because their factory machines can't distinguish between golf balls and potatoes.
  • During World War I, truces would occasionally be called in the trenches so both sides could yell insults at one another.
  • 14% of all California's firefighters are in prison.
  • Meerkats can turn their bottoms inside-out.
  • Guide runners for sight-impaired runners can't use elasticated tethers at the Paralympics any more, after the Chinese started catapulting their runners across the finish line at the last minute.


  • In Brussels, there is a commemorative statue to where Peter the Great once vomited.
  • Only one study has ever found that men are better than women at recognising faces. It was a study looking at the recognition of the Transformers.
  • There is a woman whose job for the last thirty years has been squatting above the Queen's throne so the TV cameras can get their angle right.
  • US President Jimmy Carter once sent the nuclear launch codes to his dry cleaner.
  • The game Cluedo was invented by A Pratt from Birmingham.


  • King Ferdinand of Bulgaria was so scared of being murdered on the Orient Express that he locked himself in the toliet.
  • The new goalie of the ice hockey team, The Belfast Giants, is allergic to ice.
  • After every festival, the founder of Glastonbury has to drive around his farm with a giant magnet.
  • During World War II, the owners of Foyles bookshop protected the store from Nazi bombs by covering the roof in copies of Mein Kampf.
  • The French language has seventeen different words for "surrender".


  • In the annual Lady Godiva parade, which famously celebrates a lady who rode naked through Coventry, not only does the rider always wear clothes, but one year even the horse wore trousers.
  • The worst basketball coach in the history of the University of Kansas was James Nasmith, the man who invented basketball.
  • Blowing out the candles on a birthday cake increases the number of bacteria on it by 1400%.
  • The first person to swim the Atlantic said "never again" as soon as he was finished. He is now planning to swim the Pacific.
  • Tigers always get in the water backwards because they love swimming but they hate getting their eyes wet.


  • Scientists have finally worked out why the four of us, and all humans, are not constantly leaking.
  • The iconic green code at the start of the Matrix movie is made from sushi recipes.
  • The longest ever kayak trip was completed by a man who couldn't swim.
  • Make butterflies use fake sperm to trick each other into thinking they're extra fertile.


  • Due to climate change, nine out of the 21 cities that have hosted the winter Olympics will be too warm to do so by 2050.
  • Canada has a strategic maple syrup reserve, and in 2012 a quarter of the maple syrup in it was stolen.
  • When Russia invaded Finland in 1940, they were so convinced that they would be welcomed with a celebration that they to musical instruments with them as they invaded.
  • Greek gods of the ocean include Poseidon, Triton, Oceanus and Doris.


  • If all the bacteria in the world disappeared, we wouldn't notice for about a week.
  • The world's largest wine cellar has tunnels 150 miles long, and it's so big it has to have traffic rules for people who drive through it.
  • Before the settled on the name 'Windsor', surnames that were considered by the royal family included Guelph, Whipper, Wettin, Tudor-Stuart and England.
  • In 2012, thieves stole an entire ski-lift from the Czech Republic.


  • The dome of the Taj Mahal is held together with sugar, fruit juice and egg white.
  • There is an ice-golf championship held each year in Greenland, 600km north of the Arctic Circle. However, because of the constantly shifting ice shelf, no players hold any records on that course, because it changes on a daily basis.
  • In the 14th century you could be executed in France for wearing stripes, because they were the clothing of the devil.
  • Victorian Britain had such a fern mania for so many years that some species were almost completely wiped out.


  • Until the 17th century, mothers hung their babies up on hooks while they worked.
  • There is a man in Brazil who has been living in a sandcastle for 22 years. He has to constantly water his house to stop it collapsing.
  • Queen Elizabeth I was a man. According to the Dracula author, Bram Stoker.
  • When a computer tried to come up with romantic messages for Love Hearts sweets, based on existing ones, it came up with "bear wig", "meat mate", "bong lov" and "you are bag".
  • If a human could move their arm one tenth as fast as a mantis shrimp, they could throw a baseball into orbit.


  • The Victorian Soldier Major Charles Bendiar once braved enemy fire to get an egg from a tree, then held it in his mouth while he climbed down, and on finding that it was stuck inside his mouth, removed one of his teeth to free it.
  • If a woman left her husband in 18th Century England, the husband would often put a lost and found advert in the local newspaper.
  • There is a bell that has been ringing in Oxford non-stop for 178 years.
  • King Edward VII had a liqueur invented specifically for him to drink while driving.
  • In 2005, Baboo, a male red panda at Birmingham Nature Centre in Birmingham, escaped. He was subsequently named Brummie of the Year.


  • When a very large star quietly turns into a black hole without the usual explosion, the official term used by astronomers is a Massive Fail.
  • Levi jeans are set on fire before they are sold.
  • Thomas Edison tested over 1,600 different materials to find the right filament for the inside of his light bulbs, including fishing lines, cardboard and hairs from the red beard of an old friend.
  • It is only worth leaning over to pick up a 1p coin if you can do it in less than three seconds.
  • Glasgow was once voted the friendliest and most dangerous city in the UK in the same year.


  • The first hydraulic lift was invented to carry sheep onto a roof.
  • Pope Leo XIII was once the face of a wine and cocaine cocktail.
  • Tunnocks Teacakes aren't allowed in RAF planes in case they explode.
  • When Louis XIV, the French king, needed an operation, his doctor was so nervous that he practice it on 75 people beforehand, many of whom did not have the condition the operation was meant to cure.
  • In 2004, a boat capsized in Texas because all the people on board ran to one side to get a glimpse of a nudist beach they were passing. All 60 passengers ended up in the water.


  • Unmarried people are more likely to fall down stairs than married people. And previously married people fall down more than both of them.
  • There was a tanning salon in Saint Andrew's called Sun Tan Drew's.
  • During the Second World War, the US government considered making all American shoes deliberately ugly.
  • The etiquette experts Debrett's run classes that teach five-year-olds to have strong handshakes and navigate dinner parties.
  • A the first Robot Olympics held in 1990 in Glasgow, the English competitor was disqualified from the climbing event because of "inappropriate behaviour in front of children". It tried to mount the Russian robot.


  • There are a number of chickens in California that have their own personal chefs.
  • The Victorian cat-burglar Charles Peace could supposedly disguise himself just by changing the shape of his face.
  • If the British treated their monarch the way that the Ancient Egyptians did, Queen Elizabeth II would have to run around a racetrack every three years to prove she was still fit for the job.
  • People who smuggle drugs one way across the Sahara Desert often smuggle pasta the other way.
  • When filming the battle scenes for Game of Thrones, the fighting was so intense that they had to create a safeword in case someone got hurt. So the safeword for Game of Thrones is "banana".


  • The world record for most beer mats flipped and caught in one hand is held by a man called Mat Hand.
  • Pandas have their own Harvard.
  • The American flag was designed by a 17 year old student, and his teacher gave him a B- for it.
  • The inventor of waterskiing started out being pulled along behind a boat standing on his head on a wooden chair.
  • When Alan Jones won the 1977 Austrian Grand Prix, they didn't have the Australian National Anthem. Instead, a drunk man played Happy Birthday on a trumpet.


  • Blue whales are born backwards, tail first, so they don't down during birth.
  • During the Qing dynasty in China, when the weather got hot in the summer, people would swap their pillows for ceramic ones.
  • Oscar Wilde ate his books as he read them.
  • The New York Police have a casting director for their line-ups.


  • Every competitor at the world's longest dog sled race brings about six hundred spare pairs of shoes with them. And they're for the dogs.
  • 3,000 feet up a mountain in France is a block of sandstone commemorating the exact spot where the author Victor Hugo's parents conceived him.
  • In the event of a zombie apocalypse, only hi one country will survive, and that country is North Korea.
  • The 1930s actor George Arliss once booked himself into the left luggage office at Charing Cross as a parcel on order to escape people who wanted his autograph.
  • Adolf Hitler's brother, Alois, used to work at the Shelbourne Hotel, Dublin, where he was known as Paddy Hitler.


  • In the 1960s, Brazil and France almost went to war with each other over whether lobsters crawl or swim.
  • In 1350 there was a man called William Standupright, and he annoyed everyone else in his village so much that every single one of them moved away.
  • The man who invented the Australian labradoodle deeply, deeply regrets it.
  • The word "shit-faced" originally meant "having a very small face".


  • The ancient Greeks wiped their bottoms with pebbles.
  • In 1860 there was a woman in Paris who made a living by blowing the noses of war veterans who had lost their arms in battle.
  • When avocados were first sold in the UK, they came with a leaflet explaining what they were and how to eat them.
  • In the late 90s, Microsoft successfully acquired the extremely valuable domain name from a man called Bob Kerstein. In exchange they gave him
  • Astronauts have to re-learn to play the guitar on the space station, because they overshoot the frets due to their weightless arms.


  • In an attempt to work out who the murderer in Charles Dickens's last, unfinished novel was, the main character was put on trial?
  • In the past ten years, the number of registered pinball players worldwide has gone from 500 to over 10,000.
  • The Victorians had better reaction times than we do today.
  • The first people to live on the moon might be cavemen.


  • In Singapore, pet fishp have plastic surgeons.
  • According to scientists, you are more likely to win the Tour de France if you are good looking.
  • In the 19th century, setting type for newspapers was a competitive sport.
  • Britain exports fresh air to China.


  • Usain Bolt could fly on Titan.
  • In 1604, one of King James I's grooms rode from London to York and back five times in the space of five days for a bet
  • There are species of wasps the size of amoebae
  • When pétanque players get into fights, it is known in the French press as "bouliganism".


  • Austria qualified for the 1938 World Cup, but then had to withdraw because it stopped existing as a country.
  • This year, Argentina's football association gave its players a World Cup Manual with a chapter on how to pick up Russian women.
  • Scientists have invented anti-diving shinpads.
  • In April, police in Lima seized over 20,000 counterfeit Panini football sticker albums with a street value of $350,000.


  • There was a showman in the 1930s whose act consisted of repeatedly crashing his plane into the ground.
  • Stronger chimps help weaker chimps to cross the road.
  • A new scientific study has shown that people who claim to know a lot of facts don't actually know as many facts as they think they do.
  • In the first major battle of World War I, the soldiers arrived by taxi. And the taxi drivers duly charged the government 70,012 Francs for the journey.
  • The gulf corvena fish has such loud sex that it can deafen dolphins.


  • The only known modern death due to meteorite was a cow who was hit in the neck in Venezuela in 1972. We didn't know about it for a decade because the farmer ate the cow and used the meteorite as a doorstop.
  • There is a unique species of ant that only lives in ten blocks of New York City. They call it "the Manhattant".
  • The Slinky business almost went bankrupt because the Slinky's inventor kept giving the proceeds away to religious cults.
  • When zebras are running away from a lion, they fart loudly with every stride.


  • During prohibition in America, the cops responsible for busting speakeasies did so dressed as gravediggers, farmers, statues, opera-goers, cowboys, judges, bums and old Italian matrons.
  • Spider wrestling was banged in the Philippines because children found it more entertaining than going to lessons.
  • There are more people pretending to be Vikings in the game "Vikings: War Of Clans" than there were ever Vikings on Earth.
  • Ozzy Osbourne's 1992 tour was called "No More Tours". His 2018 tour is called "No More Tours 2".


  • The BBC has sound effects including indisposed chicken, more or less normal chicken, standard orgy and comedy orgy.
  • In the first Olympic marathon in 1896, the same stopwatch was used at the start and finish line, so had to be carried from one to the other, ahead of the runners, by bicycle.
  • In first century Denmark, if you were really rich, you were buried with a chicken. if you were really, really rich, you were buried with a goose.
  • Before magician PT Selbit invented the famous "sawing a woman in half" illusion, his big trick was called The Mighty Cheese, which saw him daring members of the audience onto the stage to try to push over his massive block of cheese.


  • In 2004, Moscow's politicians were told to stop kissing each other, because it took up valuable time that could be spent having more meetings.
  • The Northern Ireland Assembly building was camouflaged during World War II by covering it in cow manure.
  • According to the best available study, men think about sex between once a day and 388 times a day.
  • In 1565, Pope Pius IV commissioned artist Daniella del Volterra to add to Michaelangelo's Sistine Chapel fresco by painting underwear on all the naked people.


  • If a lamb starts being born the wrong way up, the farmer pushes it right back up into the womb and gets it to start again.
  • The Netflix category "Gory Canadian Revenge Movies" only has one film in it.
  • In sacred Moche combat, the aim was not to kill your opponent but to knock his hat off. And the loser didn't get off that easily, though, because he would immediately be sacrificed.
  • Pseudonyms that Elton John has used when checking into a hotel include Sir Binky Poodleclip, Judas Fart, and the Marquis of Minge.


  • The first hot-air balloon flight in Bristol was indoors.
  • In "Rage Rooms", where people pay to smash things up, the things people want to smash up the most are printers.
  • One of the first things that McDonald's founder Ray Krok did when he bought the baseball team San Diego Padres was to sign a player called Big Mac.
  • The yellow-billed oxpecker bird sleeps in giraffes' armpits.


  • The Swiss flush about two million dollars' worth of gold down the toilet every year.
  • Robert Burns made his own ink out of old beer, lard, elephant tusk and sulphuric acid.
  • Sweden's highest point is now it's second highest, after the top of it melted.
  • When financier William C Ralston modestly refused to allow a town to be named after him, the town instead named itself Modesto


  • According to a new scientific study, the best way to perform CPR is to do it while humming the Macarena.
  • Donald Trump negotiated an extremely bad deal for himself when he wrote The Art Of The Deal.
  • On the Bayeux Tapestry, you can tell how important someone is by the size of their horse's penis.
  • If you're a sloth, every time you go for a poo, it's more painful than childbirth.


  • The world record for the longest time spent holding one's breath is exactly the same length as this podcast episode.
  • Nikola Tesla was one of the guests at the first ever party with a stripper jumping out of a cake.
  • When in London, Queen Louise of Sweden always carried a card saying "I am the Queen of Sweden", in case she was hit by a bus.
  • Last year in the UK, two eight year olds were caught speeding.


  • The legendary sumo wrestler Mainoumi Shūhei injected silicone into his scalp so that he could meet the height requirements to become a sumo.
  • A quarter of all mentions of teeth in the Bible also include the word 'gnashing'.
  • If you bought land in Australia before 1891, you had the legal right to the land stretching all the way to the centre of the Earth.
  • Jumping spiders that wear eyeliner are more likely to be eaten by their mate.


  • On their birthday, every beefeater at the Tower of London gets a gift of a free bottle of Beefeater Gin.
  • The economic activity of the Roman Empire can be measured by studying thousand-year-old ice in Greenland.
  • The umlauts that are used for the band Mötley Crüe are purely decorative. They're not intended to have pronunciation. However, when Mötley Crüe first performed in Germany, the crowd didn't know that, and chanted "/mœtli ˈkʁyːə/!, /mœtli ˈkʁyːə/!"
  • Traditionally, indigenous Hawaiians had personalised chants for their genitals.
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