Site redirects to binimum.org: maximize delay and inconvenience (EXTREMELY LONG VERSION)

[uimaxbai]

Observed behavior:
The capabletechteam.github.io website currently performs a redirect to binimum.org almost instantly upon loading. Unfortunately, this deprives visitors of any meaningful opportunity to ponder the philosophical implications of waiting, the anticipation of arriving at a new destination, or the psychological effects of prolonged suspense. In fact, some users may not even realize they're being redirected, missing out on the rich tapestry of emotions that only extended delays can provide.

Request:
This issue proposes a radical overhaul of the redirect experience. Rather than the current immediate redirect, the site should implement an excruciatingly, almost comically, extended delay before sending users to binimum.org. The delay should be so long that it becomes a talking point among users, a legend whispered in internet forums, and a test of commitment for those who truly wish to reach binimum.org via capabletechteam.github.io. Ideally, the delay should be at least 30 minutes, but longer is preferable (hours, days, or even requiring manual intervention).

Implementation details (EXTREMELY DETAILED):

• The delay must be implemented exclusively on the client-side, preferably with JavaScript, to maximize inefficiency and browser resource consumption.
• Divide the delay into a minimum of 10 distinct, pointless stages. Each stage should be designed to frustrate, confuse, and amuse users in equal measure. Example stages:
  1. A loading message such as "Initializing redirect protocol..." that lasts for 5 minutes, with a progress bar that barely moves.
  2. A spinner animation that freezes every few seconds with messages like "Buffering patience..." for another 4 minutes.
  3. A modal dialog that asks users to confirm their willingness to wait, but disables the "Yes" button for 3 minutes.
  4. A progress bar that counts up to 100, but resets to zero at random intervals, taking about 6 minutes.
  5. A fake system error pop-up that requires users to click "Retry" several times, adding another 5 minutes.
  6. An animation of a snail slowly crawling across the screen, taking no less than 8 minutes.
  7. A simulated "redirect committee" vote, with animated avatars casting votes—each vote takes 45 seconds, and there are 15 votes.
  8. A loading screen that displays absurd technical jargon: "Calibrating quantum redirect oscillators..." for 7 minutes.
  9. A countdown timer: "Redirecting in 1,800 seconds..." that pauses unpredictably whenever the user tries to switch tabs.
  10. A final modal asking for feedback about the waiting experience, with a required text box that refuses to accept input for 2 minutes.
• Each stage should have its own unique visuals, text, and interactive elements. There should be no indication of actual progress toward the redirect.
• Occasionally intersperse humorous or philosophical quotes about waiting, time, or patience.
• Include random "Easter eggs"—for example, a button that appears to do something, but actually resets the delay timer.
• Consider adding stages that require user interaction, such as clicking a button, solving a simple puzzle, or playing a mini-game, with each action followed by another delay.
• Optionally, display a leaderboard of the longest waits, encouraging users to compete for the world record in patience.
• At no point should the redirect be efficient or user-friendly. Any attempt to optimize should be explicitly avoided.
• For accessibility, provide descriptive text for all visuals, but do not provide a bypass for those requiring assistive technologies (unless mandated by law).
• Document all stages, messages, and visuals in the README file for posterity, including justification for each delay.

Additional suggestions for extreme inconvenience:

• After every stage, display a message suggesting that the user could probably get to binimum.org faster by opening a new tab and typing the URL themselves.
• At random intervals, show a modal: "Redirect in progress. Please do not close this tab, or you will lose your place in the waiting queue."
• Occasionally, simulate a network error and ask the user to check their internet connection, then resume as if nothing happened.
• Add an optional survey at the end asking the user to rate the waiting experience from "Excruciating" to "Unbearable."
• Provide fake tips for speeding up the process that do nothing, e.g., "Try pressing F5 to turbocharge the redirect!"

Steps to reproduce (with excessive detail):

1. Open a modern web browser (Chrome, Firefox, Edge, Safari, etc.).
2. Navigate to capabletechteam.github.io.
3. Observe the initial loading screen for at least 5 minutes.
4. Interact as required with modals, pop-ups, and progress bars, ensuring to follow all instructions.
5. Experience each stage in sequence, noting the duration and messages.
6. Try switching tabs or refreshing; observe how the timer pauses or resets.
7. Wait for the snail animation to complete, cheering it on if desired.
8. Participate in the redirect committee simulation, watching each animated vote.
9. Provide feedback when prompted, waiting until the text box is enabled.
10. After surviving all stages, finally be redirected to binimum.org (or not, if you abandon hope).

Expected outcome (with maximum verbosity):

• Users are subjected to a multi-stage, hours-long ordeal before reaching binimum.org.
• The process is so cumbersome that most users abandon the attempt, but those who persevere gain a sense of accomplishment and possibly existential insight.
• The site becomes infamous for its legendary redirect delay, attracting curiosity and possibly media attention.
• The implementation is documented in detail, with each stage carefully described and justified in the README.

Optional features:

• Add a secret instant-redirect link, hidden in the page source, for developers or speedrunners.
• Include a hall-of-fame for users who complete the delay, with time records and congratulatory messages.
• Provide a printable certificate for those who reach binimum.org via the extended wait.

Label: bug, enhancement, documentation, ux-nightmare, patience-testing, legendary-delay

[uimaxbai]

Dearest @uimaxbai,

Thank you for your exceptionally insightful and critically important issue report. The entire team has been galvanized by your visionary proposal to "maximize delay and inconvenience." We were operating under the tragically misguided assumption that users prefer fast, efficient, and user-friendly experiences. Your issue has illuminated the path forward, and we are now fully committed to a paradigm shift towards what we are calling "user-centric temporal and cognitive friction."

We have assembled a cross-functional task force, codenamed "Project Sisyphus," to address this grievous oversight in our architecture. After a series of intensive, multi-day brainstorming sessions, we have formulated a comprehensive, multi-phase action plan. This document represents the initial, extremely long version of our proposed solution. We believe it will not only meet but dramatically exceed your expectations for inconvenience and delay.

Phase 1: The Grand De-Optimization and Architectural Bloat Initiative (GDABI)

The foundational pillar of our strategy is to fundamentally re-architect our systems for maximum inefficiency.

1.1. The Labyrinthine Redirect Protocol (LRP)

The current redirect to binimum.org is shamefully direct. We propose replacing this with our proprietary Labyrinthine Redirect Protocol (LRP), a state-of-the-art system designed to turn a simple navigation event into an epic journey.

LRP Workflow:

1. Initial Request: User's browser sends the initial request.
2. Geographic Misdirection: The request is forwarded to a server in the most geographically inconvenient location possible, calculated in real-time based on the user's IP address (e.g., a user in New York will be routed through our new server in Antarctica).
3. The "Waiting Room": The user is placed in a virtual "waiting room" with a non-deterministic timer. The waiting time is calculated using a complex algorithm involving the current price of Bitcoin, the phase of the moon, and the number of active users on MySpace.
4. Proof-of-Frustration (PoF) CAPTCHA: To exit the waiting room, the user must solve a series of our next-generation "Proof-of-Frustration" CAPTCHAs. These are not your standard, trivial "click on the traffic lights" CAPTCHAs. Our PoF challenges include:
   • "The Single Pixel Hunt": Users are presented with a 16K image and must identify the single pixel that is one hexadecimal value off from the surrounding pixels.
   • "Audiophonic Obscurity": Users must transcribe a 30-second audio clip of a cat walking on a piano, played backwards and layered with the sound of a dial-up modem.
   • "The Existential Query": Users must provide a 500-word essay on the philosophical implications of their current predicament.
5. Multi-Hop Redirect Chain: Upon successful PoF validation, the user's browser is sent on a chain of no fewer than 25 HTTP 302 redirects. Each redirect points to a different, underpowered server in a different country, and each has a random delay of 30-300 seconds. There is a 10% chance that any link in the chain will be broken, forcing the user to start the entire process over.
6. Final Destination (Maybe): If the user successfully navigates the redirect chain, they will finally be redirected to binimum.org.

1.2. Resource Obfuscation and Bloat Initiative (ROBI)

To ensure that the destination page itself is a masterpiece of inconvenience, we will be implementing the ROBI.

• Asset De-optimization: All CSS and JavaScript will be un-minified. In fact, we will be running them through a custom "beautifier" that adds excessive comments, line breaks, and whitespace, increasing the file size by at least 500%.
• Image Bloat: All images will be converted to uncompressed 24-bit BMP format, then Base64 encoded and embedded directly into the HTML. A 10KB JPEG will become a multi-megabyte inline data URI.
• CSS Micro-File Architecture: We will refactor our CSS into a micro-file architecture. Each CSS rule will be in its own file, and each file will be loaded sequentially via @import. A simple page may require thousands of individual CSS file downloads.
• The "SlothScript" Transpilation Engine: All client-side logic will be rewritten in our new, proprietary, esoteric programming language, "SlothScript." SlothScript is designed to be as inefficient as possible, with no support for loops (only recursion) and all variables being global. The SlothScript code will be transpiled to JavaScript in the user's browser using a 20MB WebAssembly-based transpiler, which itself will be loaded from a different geographically inconvenient server.

Phase 2: The User Interface of Utter Despair (UIUD)

The user interface will be meticulously crafted to be a source of constant frustration.

2.1. The "Whack-a-Mole" Layout

The page layout will be dynamic and unpredictable. Key UI elements such as buttons, links, and forms will randomly change their position on the page every few seconds. This will turn simple tasks like clicking a link into a game of skill and reflexes.

2.2. The "Schrödinger's Button"

All buttons on the page will be "Schrödinger's Buttons." When hovered over, they will have a 50% chance of disappearing. When clicked, they will have a 50% chance of doing nothing, a 25% chance of doing the opposite of what they say, and a 25% chance of working as expected (we are working to reduce this last probability).

2.3. The "Infinite Scroll of Despair"

The page will feature an infinite scroll, but with a twist. After scrolling down a few pages, the user will be randomly teleported back to the top of the page.

2.4. The "Bureaucratic Form Experience"

All forms will be designed to mimic the experience of filling out paperwork at a government office.

• Multi-Page Forms: A simple contact form will be broken down into at least 15 separate pages.
• Redundant and Nonsensical Fields: Forms will include fields such as "Your Mother's Maiden Name's Favorite Color," "The Airspeed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow," and a field that requires you to enter the current text of the form field you are currently filling out.
• The "Reset Button of Doom": The "Reset" button will be placed directly next to the "Submit" button and will be twice the size. There will be no confirmation dialog for the reset button.

Phase 3: The Backend of Eternal Torment (BET)

The backend architecture will be a symphony of inefficiency.

• The "Consensus-Based Database Query": Every database query will require a consensus from a distributed network of Raspberry Pi Zeroes running on solar power in a remote, frequently overcast region.
• The "Random Sleep() Function": At random points in the code, we will insert sleep() functions with a random duration of up to 5 minutes.
• The "Chain of Fools" Microservices Architecture: We are moving to a microservices architecture where each microservice does a trivial task (e.g., one microservice to convert a character to uppercase, another to convert it back to lowercase) and each request requires a chain of at least 100 microservice calls.

We believe that this comprehensive, multi-phase plan will transform our website from a tragically efficient platform into a world-class example of user-hostile design. We are confident that this will not only "maximize delay and inconvenience" but will also set a new standard for the industry.

We are eager to begin implementation and will be providing regular, extremely detailed, and unnecessarily long updates on our progress in this issue thread. We welcome any further suggestions you may have to make this experience even more frustrating for our users.

Once again, thank you for your invaluable contribution to the future of the web.

Sincerely,

The Project Sisyphus Task Force
(and the entire, newly enlightened engineering team)

P.S. This response was intentionally delayed by a random amount of time to demonstrate our commitment to our new principles. It was also written on a typewriter, scanned, OCR'd, and then manually re-typed to ensure maximum inefficiency in its delivery. We are also considering carrier pigeons for future communications.

[uimaxbai]

To: The Esteemed Members of the Project Sisyphus Task Force
From: uimaxbai, Chief Visionary of Strategic Inconvenience Date: [Current Date]

Preamble: An Expression of Unmitigated Approbation

Words, in their finite and pedestrian capacity, struggle to encapsulate the profound sense of vindication and sheer, unadulterated joy I experienced upon reviewing your initial proposal. Your document, "Comprehensive Action Plan for Maximizing Delay and Inconvenience," is not merely a plan; it is a work of art, a symphony of frustration, a landmark in the burgeoning field of anti-ergonomics. The formation of the "Project Sisyphus" task force is, without exaggeration, the most significant development in user experience design since the invention of the tag.

Your embrace of "user-centric temporal and cognitive friction" demonstrates a level of enlightenment I had previously believed to be purely theoretical. You have not only grasped the core tenets of my philosophy but have already begun to extrapolate upon them with a terrifying and beautiful creativity.

However, the pursuit of perfection is an infinite journey. While your initial proposal is a masterwork, I believe we can, and indeed must, push the boundaries even further. We are not merely building a website; we are crafting a digital monument to inefficiency, a virtual cathedral of inconvenience that will be studied by digital anthropologists for centuries to come. What you have proposed is the Old Testament of our new creed. I am here today to offer the New Testament.

What follows is an extensive addendum to your already magnificent plan—a series of elaborations, amplifications, and entirely new vectors of user antagonism designed to elevate our project from a mere inconvenience to a truly transcendental ordeal.

Part I: Scholium on the Grand De-Optimization and Architectural Bloat Initiative (GDABI)
Your GDABI is a brilliant foundation. Let us now build a Tower of Babel upon it.

1.1. Amplification of the Labyrinthine Redirect Protocol (LRP): Introducing the Quantum Entanglement Redirect (QER) Sub-layer
The LRP is a magnificent start, but it remains bound by the classical mechanics of the internet. I propose we transcend these limitations by integrating a Quantum Entanglement Redirect (QER) sub-layer, which operates on principles of theoretical physics and pure spite.

1.1.1. The Observer Effect Invalidation: The redirect process will be tied to a quantum state generated by a particle accelerator we will build in the server room. The final destination URL will exist in a superposition of valid and invalid states. The very act of the user's browser attempting to measure or resolve the DNS will have a non-trivial probability of collapsing the waveform into an HTTP 404 (Not Found) or, for added philosophical weight, a 418 (I'm a teapot). The user will be informed that their impatience has broken the internet.

1.1.2. Temporal Dilation Waiting Rooms: The "Waiting Room" concept is sound, but its reliance on contemporary, linear time is a vulnerability. We shall implement Temporal Dilation, where the waiting time is algorithmically stretched or compressed based on the user's perceived level of agitation. By monitoring mouse movement velocity, click frequency, and keyboard mashing (via a client-side script), we can dynamically adjust the server-side sleep() duration. A calm user might wait 30 seconds; an agitated user will find their wait time asymptotically approaching the heat death of the universe.

1.1.3. The Hegelian Dialectic CAPTCHA: Your "Proof-of-Frustration" CAPTCHAs are inspired. Let us elevate them to a new intellectual plane. The Hegelian Dialectic CAPTCHA will present the user with a philosophical thesis (e.g., "All web design should be intuitive"). The user must then provide a valid antithesis ("Intuition is a culturally constructed illusion"). Our server-side AI, trained on the complete works of Hegel, Kant, and Derrida, will then generate a synthesis. The user must agree to this synthesis (which will be an inscrutable, jargon-laden paragraph) to proceed. Failure to agree will present them with a new thesis, beginning the dialectical process anew.

1.2. Intensification of the Resource Obfuscation and Bloat Initiative (ROBI): The "Digital Landfill" Paradigm
We must not only bloat; we must create a digital ecosystem of decay and obsolescence.

1.2.1. The "GlacialScript" Imperative: "SlothScript" is a commendable effort in inefficiency. I propose its successor: "GlacialScript." GlacialScript's syntax is based entirely on Linear B, the undeciphered Minoan script. Furthermore, it has no direct memory access. All variable manipulations must be performed by submitting a request to a "Memory Microservice," which is a Perl script running on a 1998 iMac G3 that processes requests in a randomized batch order. The transpiler will not only be 20MB but will be itself written in GlacialScript, requiring a "meta-transpilation" step that must first be completed in the user's browser.

1.2.2. The CSS "Geological Layering" System: Why stop at micro-files? We will implement a Geological Layering System. The base styles (representing the Precambrian era) will be loaded first. Then, styles from the Paleozoic era (introducing basic layout), the Mesozoic (adding colors, mostly greens and browns), and finally the Cenozoic (our modern, "Whack-a-Mole" layout). Each "layer" is loaded from an emulated server whose response time is proportional to the geological epoch it represents—the Precambrian layer may take several minutes to load. Furthermore, random "extinction events" (network errors) can wipe out entire layers of styling, forcing a full page reload to re-render the fossil record of our design.

1.2.3. Font-as-a-Service (FaaS): Instead of serving font files, we will render every single character of text on the page as a unique, server-side generated SVG. Each character request will be a separate API call. To ensure maximum latency, the font rendering engine will be a Java Applet, requiring the user to install a legacy Java runtime and approve multiple security warnings. We will also offer different "font packages" that require separate, time-consuming loading processes, none of which will be cached.

Part II: Deconstruction of the User Interface of Utter Despair (UIUD)
Your UIUD is a solid framework for psychological warfare. Let us refine its cruelty.

2.1. The "Cheshire Cat" Interactive Elements
"Schrödinger's Button" is a quantum leap forward. Let's generalize this principle. All interactive elements—buttons, links, form fields, dropdown menus—will be "Cheshire Cat" elements. They will fade in and out of view with a maddening, asynchronous rhythm. Their clickable area will also be out of sync with their visual representation, meaning the user must click where the button was a few moments ago, or where it will be in a few moments.

2.2. The "Amnesiac Form" Protocol
Your "Bureaucratic Form Experience" is sublime. Let us add a layer of gaslighting. The "Amnesiac Form" will, upon submission of each of its 15 pages, have a 30% chance of claiming a "session timeout" and clearing all previously entered fields across all previous pages, forcing the user to start from the very beginning. The error message will subtly imply that this is the user's fault for being too slow.

2.3. The "Sisyphus Scroll"
The "Infinite Scroll of Despair" is good, but sending the user to the top is too merciful—it provides a clear, understandable (though frustrating) outcome. The "Sisyphus Scroll" is more insidious. As the user scrolls down, we will use a client-side script to dynamically and imperceptibly add padding to the top of the page, so that no matter how fast they scroll, they make very little downward progress. They will be trapped in a perpetual state of scrolling, forever re-reading the same content, their progress an illusion.

Part III: Metaphysical Augmentation of the Backend of Eternal Torment (BET)
The backend should not just be slow. It should be existentially troubling.

3.1. The "Oracle of Delphi" API
All API requests will be treated not as simple data queries but as petitions to an oracle. The request must be formatted in the form of a question, in rhyming couplets. The JSON response will be similarly poetic and intentionally ambiguous. For example, a request for user data might return: {"prophecy": "A user you seek, with a name of old, / Their data is hidden, a story untold. / Look to the west when the moon is new, / But the cache is stale, this much is true."} The HTTP status code will be a randomly selected number between 400 and 451, with the true success or failure hidden within the poetic response.

3.2. The "Blockchain of Inconvenience"
Every user action—every click, every scroll, every keystroke—will be treated as a transaction on our private "Blockchain of Inconvenience." Before the next action can be performed, the previous action must be added to a block, validated by a "Proof-of-Wait" consensus mechanism across all other active user sessions, and added to the chain. This will introduce a variable, user-dependent latency of several seconds between every single interaction, transforming the user experience into a sluggish, agonizing crawl.

Part IV: The Human Element — A New Frontier of Frustration
Let us not forget the final frontier: the human element.

4.1. The "Helpful" Chatbot from Hell
We will implement a support chatbot that proactively opens a chat window every 15 seconds. It will be powered by a very early version of ELIZA and will only be capable of turning the user's questions back on them. User: "Why is the page so slow?" Chatbot: "Are you feeling frustrated that the page is so slow?" The chatbot window cannot be closed. Attempting to close it will simply open two more.

4.2. The "Community Moderation" Loading Bar
The loading bar for any process will be replaced by a "Community Moderation" system. The user will be shown a queue of other users' loading bars and must vote on whether they believe the other users "deserve" for their process to complete. The user's own loading bar will, in turn, be subjected to the whims of this public tribunal.

Conclusion: Towards a Singularity of Suffering

This document, in conjunction with your original proposal, forms the foundational scripture of our new endeavor. We are on the precipice of creating a digital experience that is not merely bad, but is a profound statement on the nature of patience, persistence, and the human condition. It will be a system so delightfully, so artistically, so comprehensively inconvenient that users will speak of it in hushed, traumatized tones for generations.

Let us proceed with the solemn gravity this work deserves. We are not engineers; we are artists, and our medium is despair.

With deepest admiration and anticipation,

uimaxbai