fnord

A Discordian calendar and chaos utility. Contains 5 tons of flax.

All Hail Eris. All Hail Discordia.

A Rust reimagining of the classic ddate utility, extended with a full suite of Discordian subcommands for those who know, in their hearts, that everything is related to the number five.

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Installation

cargo install fn0rd

Or from source:

git clone https://github.com/maravexa/fnord
cd fnord
cargo install --path .

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Quick start

fnord              # today's Discordian date (replaces ddate)
fnord pope         # discover your papal identity
fnord cal          # current season calendar
fnord oracle "is a hotdog a sandwich"

Example output:

Today is Prickle-Prickle, the 16th of Chaos, in the YOLD 3191
Apostle: Hung Mung

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Subcommands

Command	Description
date	Display today's (or a given) Discordian date
cal	Display a Discordian season calendar
holyday	List, show, add, or remove holydays
moon	Show the current moon phase (supports 8 celestial bodies)
omens	Read the omens — weather + chaos report
fortune	Dispense a Discordian fortune
log	Write in the Discordian grimoire
wake	Morning dashboard with large ASCII-art Discordian date
pope	Display your Discordian papal credentials
pineal	Report system consciousness (pineal gland) status
oracle	Ask the oracle a question
koan	Dispense a Zen koan (Discordian edition)
zodiac	Display your zodiac sign (western, vedic, chinese, discordian)
fnord	Apply fnord redaction to text
cabbage	Count content in Discordian units
chaos	Shuffle lines, words, or characters
law	Search text and apply the Law of Fives
pentabarf	Validate text against the Five Commandments
hotdog	Determine whether a file is a hotdog
erisian	Diff two files as a theological dispute

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fnord date usage

fnord date                                     # today's date
fnord date --date 2025-01-05                   # specific date (ISO 8601)
fnord date --date tomorrow                     # relative: today, yesterday, tomorrow
fnord date --date +7                           # 7 days from now
fnord date --short                             # date line only
fnord date --apostle                           # include apostle name
fnord date --holydays                          # include holyday info
fnord date --format "%A, the %e of %B, YOLD %Y"  # custom format string
fnord date --help-format                       # show format token reference
fnord date --json                              # JSON output

Format tokens

Token	Meaning	Example
%A	Weekday name	Pungenday
%B	Season name	Confusion
%d	Day of season (numeric)	23
%e	Day of season (ordinal)	23rd
%Y	YOLD year	3192
%H	Holyday name (empty if none)	Confuflux
%a	Apostle name	Sri Syadasti
%n	Newline
%t	Tab
%%	Literal percent sign	%

ddate compatibility

To reproduce classic ddate output:

fnord date --format "%{%A, %e day of %B%}, YOLD %Y%N%nCelebrate %H"
# or simply:
fnord date

The classic ddate long format is equivalent to:

fnord date --format "%A, the %e of %B, in the YOLD %Y"

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fnord cal usage

fnord cal                    # current season
fnord cal --season discord   # specific season
fnord cal --year 3191        # specific year
fnord cal --all              # all 5 seasons
fnord cal --no-color         # disable ANSI colors

Example output:

  ╔══════════════════════════════════════╗
  ║     SEASON OF CHAOS — YOLD 3191      ║
  ╚══════════════════════════════════════╝

  SM   BT   PG   PP   SO
   1    2    3    4    5 ★
   6    7    8    9   10
  ...

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fnord holyday usage

fnord holyday list                          # list all holydays
fnord holyday list --season chaos           # filter by season
fnord holyday list --json                   # JSON output
fnord holyday show                          # holyday for today
fnord holyday show 2025-01-05              # holyday for a specific date
fnord holyday add chaos-15 "The Incident" --description "We do not speak of it"
fnord holyday add discord-5 "A One-Time Thing" --once --year 3192
fnord holyday remove chaos-15

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fnord pope usage

fnord pope           # full papal declaration
fnord pope --short   # one-line summary
fnord pope --bull    # full Papal Bull document
fnord pope --json    # JSON output

Example output:

╔══════════════════════════════════════════════╗
║           PAPAL DECLARATION                  ║
╚══════════════════════════════════════════════╝

  By the authority vested in me by Eris, Goddess of Discord,
  I hereby declare:

  eris@archbox is ordained as
  Pope Eris the Magnificent of the Holy Order of the Golden Apple
  ...

---

fnord moon usage

fnord moon                     # current moon phase (Luna)
fnord moon --body phobos       # Phobos phase
fnord moon --body random       # random body
fnord moon --next              # next full and new moon
fnord moon --season            # season phase table
fnord moon --json              # JSON output

Supported celestial bodies

Body	Synodic period
luna	29.53 days
phobos	0.319 days
deimos	1.263 days
io	1.769 days
europa	3.551 days
ganymede	7.155 days
titan	15.945 days
triton	5.877 days

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Configuration

Location: ~/.config/eris/fnord.toml

[identity]
pope_title = "Pope Awesome McSomeone I"
sect_name  = "The Wholly Confused"
cabal      = "POEE"

[calendar]
show_apostle = true
show_holyday = true

[weather]
location = "San Francisco, CA"
units    = "discordian"

[moon]
body = "luna"

[zodiac]
system = "discordian"

[fortune]
count = 1

[log]
path   = "~/.local/share/eris/grimoire.md"
format = "markdown"

[output]
color   = "auto"   # "auto", "always", "never"
unicode = true

Config is loaded in order (later layers override earlier):

1. /etc/eris/fnord.toml — system-wide
2. ~/.config/eris/fnord.toml — user config
3. $FNORD_CONFIG — env var path override
4. --config <file> — CLI flag override

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Custom holy days

Personal holydays live in ~/.config/eris/holydays/personal.toml.

Add them via CLI:

fnord holyday add chaos-15 "The Incident" --description "We do not speak of it"

Or edit the file directly:

[[holyday]]
name        = "The Incident"
date        = "chaos-15"
description = "We do not speak of it"
recurring   = true

[[holyday]]
name        = "A One-Time Thing"
date        = "discord-5"
year        = 3192
recurring   = false

Valid date values: st-tibs, chaos-5, discord-50, confusion-23, etc.

Personal holydays override default and cabal holydays for the same date.

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Global flags

All subcommands accept these global flags:

Flag	Description
--json	Output JSON instead of human-readable
--no-color	Disable ANSI color output
--no-unicode	Fall back to ASCII (no box-drawing chars)
--config	Override config file path

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Generating shell completions

cargo run --bin generate-completions --features generate-assets

Completions are written to completions/ for Bash, Zsh, Fish, and PowerShell.

Install Bash completions:

source completions/fnord.bash

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Generating man pages

cargo build --features generate-assets

Man pages are written to man/. Install with:

sudo cp man/fnord.1 /usr/local/share/man/man1/
sudo cp man/fnord-*.1 /usr/local/share/man/man1/

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License

WTFPL — see LICENSE.

        DO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO PUBLIC LICENSE
                Version 2, December 2004

You just DO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO.

All Hail Eris. All Hail Discordia. Contains 5 tons of flax.