Dear Designer - The "Screw You Guys" Portfolio

Alright?

Look, I don't know why you're here. Presumably, you want a website. Or you're just nosy. Either way, here it is. The pinnacle of human achievement: a portfolio that actively mocks the very industry it's trying to get hired in. Brilliant strategy, that.

What is this rubbish?

It's a single-page scrolling website. It's got "South Park" style animations, a bit of satire about the soul-crushing reality of creative work, and some code I probably stole from Stack Overflow.

It features:

• Infinite Revision Swing: Watch a CEO flap his head while demanding changes. It's like a documentary.
• Budget Seesaw: A visual representation of your dreams dying as the budget shrinks.
• Deployment Slide: The terrified scream of a developer pushing to production on a Friday.

How to run it

Right, it's just HTML, isn't it? You don't need a degree in rocket surgery.

1. Download it. Clone the repo. Or don't. I get paid either way. (I don't).
2. Open index.html in a browser. Chrome, Firefox, Edge if you're a masochist.
3. Scroll. That's it. Just scroll down.

For the Nerds (Local Development)

If you absolutely must use a terminal because it makes you feel like you're in The Matrix:

# Install a simple server because opening files directly is for peasants
npm install -g serve

# Run it
serve .

Then go to localhost:3000 or whatever magic number it spits out.

Deployment

You want to put this on the internet? Brave.

It's ready for Netlify, Vercel, GitHub Pages, or a floppy disk if you can find one.

• Vercel/Netlify: Just drag the folder into their dashboard. Done.
• GitHub Pages: Enable it in settings. Boom.

Contributing

Don't. I've got enough problems.

But if you spot a bug, just pretend it's a feature. That's what I do. "It's not broken, it's avante-garde."

License

Do whatever you want with it. Copy it, sell it, print it out and eat it. I don't care. Just don't blame me when your client asks why the logo isn't bigger.

Cheers.