Make not slow

[BigSpaceships]

What

Improves various logic to speed up loading conditional, especially dashboard

On CSH ethernet
Before: 6.3 seconds
After: 1.4 seconds

On VPN to my home in state college
Before: 6.5 seconds
After: 1.5 seconds

(After I thought about this, not sure if the vpn test is doing what I want because I would've thought that I couldn't reach the db since I wouldn't have been on cshnet but idk)

Why

Conditional was painfully slow to load before, especially when loading a fresh instance

Test Plan

Compared all the various stats on dashboard with both spring and fall semester data
What I checked:

• Active member count
• Voting member count
  • Actually these are different but this is due to Gatekeep check doesn't actually check for house meeting attendance #455
  • If the constitution is interpreted as you have to attend 6 meetings and excused doesn't count this is implemented right
  • If not, then it's a one line change
• All evals data
• Committee data
• Housing queue site (/housing)

Env Vars

nope

Checklist

• Tested all changes locally