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Deactivation

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frammenti edited this page Jul 2, 2026 · 3 revisions

We all make rash decisions sometimes, and we don't want to risk deleting our history in a fit of anger.

There is a grace period of 30 days before destructive actions (user deletion, relationship deletion) take effect.

During this period, these actions can be undone without consequences (from the app's POV; we cannot guarantee for other users). Others can continue recording their feelings; you simply step away from participation. Reactivating then deactivating again resets the 30 day timer.

The lifecycle is:

Active
    ↓
Deactivated
    ↓ (30 days)
Deleted

Once the grace period has expired, the user will no longer be able to recover the relationship or profile as the data will be anonymized. However, the relationship history will remain visible to the partner and, in the case of relationship deletion, to the user as well.

Important

In the database, deactivation and deletion propagate differently through the relationship pair: deactivation is asymmetric, affecting only the initiator's relationship row; deletion is symmetric, as it cascades through other_relationship_id. This means that the partner's relationship row will end up with deleted_at set and deactivated_at still NULL, and this is necessary for the UNIQUE(user_id, partner_id) WHERE deleted_at IS NULL constraint to hold.

When a user deactivates their whole account, their Relationships rows do not get deactivated_at stamped too (cascade write), but rather the relationship-active-status is always computed from both the row's own status and the users' status. This ensures that user deactivation does not affect their deactivated/deleted relationship status and is fully reversible.

Deactivated relationship

  • Their name appears in a faded color to the partner
  • The user cannot add new entries to the relationship
  • The partner can add new entries but the user won't be notified nor can see them

Deleted relationship

  • The relationship name for both the user and the partner is set to "Deleted relationship" (brutal) and cannot be edited
  • Both user and partner cannot add new entries to the relationship
  • Relationship history remains visible
  • A new relationship between the same users can be formed but won't be linked to the old one

Deactivated user

  • Their name appears in a faded color to other users
  • They cannot add new entries to their relationships
  • Relationships towards them can still receive new entries but they won't be notified nor can see them
  • They cannot create or join new relationships or groups

Deleted user

  • Their user name and partners' relationship name with them is set to "Deleted user" and cannot be edited
  • All their devices are unlinked and partner recovery is blocked
  • They cannot have the same identity ever again
  • Other users can still see the relationship history but cannot add new entries
  • They leave all active groups
  • All their active invites are revoked

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