v1.0.0: The Slop Goblin

The first tagged release of the Slop Goblin: a goblin that walks down your LinkedIn feed eating buzzwords, gets fatter with every bite, and spits the plain-English version back into the post.

Install: open slopgoblin.pharmatools.ai on a desktop browser and drag the green button to your bookmarks bar. No extension, no account, no network requests.

What he does

• Eats 235 phrase patterns and 83 buzzword families, phrases first: “leverage synergies” is one bite, not two.
• Translator mode spits the plain English back into the sentence. “I’m thrilled to announce that” → “News:”. “A strategic rightsizing of our talent landscape” → “layoffs”.
• Servings and girth. Longer phrases are worth up to 3 servings; eight girth levels from Peckish to Visible from space.
• Opens a “… more” when slop is hiding behind it, scrolls on by himself, and pauses so you can read his work.
• The bill: press Esc for an itemised receipt you can save or copy as an image.
• Runs under strict Content Security Policy and Trusted Types, LinkedIn included. Nothing leaves your tab.

For developers

• dist/goblin.min.js to put him on your own page, also on jsDelivr: https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/gh/nickjlamb/slop-goblin@v1.0.0/dist/goblin.min.js
• SlopGoblin.translate() and SlopGoblin.bites() work in Node, and examples/slopify.mjs turns any text into plain English from the terminal.
• Translator, docs and build tests, plus an end-to-end smoke test in Chromium, Firefox and WebKit on every push.

Fixed since the site went live on 28 September

• “an innovative solution” now becomes “a product”, not “an product”.
• “a unicorn hire” no longer becomes “a perfect hire hire”.
• “innovation” now reads “progress”, so “Innovation matters” stays grammatical.

Assets

• bookmarklet.txt: the javascript: URL behind the green button, if you’d rather make the bookmark by hand.
• goblin.min.js: the embeddable build.

Full notes in CHANGELOG.md.