„Maximilian ist dir eine Nasenlänge voraus."
A satirical iOS gag app — built as a joke gift for a friend who enjoys snuff tobacco (Schnupftabak). It recreates, feature for feature, the fictional app pitched in a German stand-up bit: enter your body data, get your "official" line, sniff it off the screen at zero, get praised by a flying crowned nose, lose to Maximilian forever, and receive a Spotify-Wrapped-style year recap of your Nasenkilometer.
Credit / inspiration: the original sketch — https://www.instagram.com/p/DbBXNMXi5J2/ — go watch it, the comedian's hand-drawn mockups are this app's entire design spec. (His material is deliberately not mirrored in this repo; it's his, not ours.)
This app is satire. Adults only, never distributed on any store, and it works exclusively with legal snuff tobacco. Don't be weird about it.
Demo video (muted, 1.2×): MP4 · WebM (all preview media downscaled and metadata-stripped)
- Onboarding — 18+ satire splash (with the rejected „Schneekönig" icon gag), then height + weight: science needs data, your line is personal.
- Ziehen — the tobacco goes into a hand-drawn box rendered at true physical size (points-per-cm), marked out like a construction site. A parallel purple nose track shows where the nose glides — next to the tobacco, not through it. Film-style countdown 3→0, then the challenge: the line must be completely gone — every dash of the track nose-covered — while the mic listens as an anti-cheat gate. A botched pull doesn't fail; the stopwatch just runs (finish within 1.5 s of zero for „PERFEKT!"). The little shoveler follows your nose the whole way and sweeps up on success — „Du bist spitze!". Screen stays awake, rotation is locked, system edges are deferred; the only exits are finishing, giving up for 45 s, or holding the little lock. A nose fat enough on the glass earns „WÜRDIG 👃"; a finger gets called out as cheating. The acoustic analysis even guesses Röhrchen vs. Direktzug, and your actual nose path is drawn on the result screen as evidence.
- Bestenliste — podium of „Die schnellste Nase". Maximilian is pinned exactly one Nasenlänge (7 cm) ahead of you. Forever. That's the joke.
- Wrapped — year totals converted at the official rate of 1 cm Line = 1 km Fußweg, with a destination ladder ending in Peru, an Alleine/Mit-Freunden doodle pie, and share-as-image.
- Einstellungen — profile, data reset, satire small print, and a
Debug section that records the detection window as
.caffiles (Files-app accessible) for calibrating the sniff detection.
Everything mimics the sketch's overlays: crumpled-paper background with procedural creases, wobbly seeded-jitter shapes, iOS built-in handwriting fonts (Chalkduster / Chalkboard / Bradley Hand), doodle noses everywhere. Pure SwiftUI — zero external dependencies.
- Xcode 26+, iOS 26.0+ deployment target, Swift 6 toolchain
just build(simulator),just check(format + build),just open- Mic permission is requested at first „Ziehen"; denial degrades gracefully to touch-only judging.
Real hardware varies — these constants are meant to be tuned with recordings from Settings → Debug:
| Knob | Where |
|---|---|
| Spike threshold / absolute gate | Core/Audio/SniffAudioService.swift |
| Tube-vs-direct ZCR threshold | Features/Sniff/SniffSessionViewModel.swift |
| Coverage %, nose radius, window | Features/Sniff/SniffSessionViewModel.swift |
| Points-per-cm (true line size) | Shared/Sniffonomics.swift |
- ARCHITECTURE.md — layers, data flow, patterns
- CLAUDE.md — AI assistant guidance
CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 — share it, tinker with it, remix it, but:
- Attribution: credit by linking back to this repository.
- NonCommercial: no selling, no commercial use, in any form.
- ShareAlike: anything built on it carries these same terms — it stays free, forever.
The original comedy sketch this app is based on belongs to its creator — credit and source: https://www.instagram.com/p/DbBXNMXi5J2/.