consumer: use dml message instead of dml event (#5590)

[ti-chi-bot]

This is an automated cherry-pick of #5590

What problem does this PR solve?

Issue Number: close #5587

What is changed and how it works?

• DML decoding now returns DMLMessage instead of eagerly building DMLEvent. NextDMLMessage() only exposes metadata such as tableID, schema, table, rowType, and commitTs.

• DMLEvent construction is deferred until flush time. Event groups store DMLMessage and sort/resolve by commitTs. Only when DML is actually flushed does the consumer call message.ToDMLEvent().

• Simple protocol cached DML now also uses DMLMessage. If a simple DML arrives before its table info, it is cached as the raw message. After the DDL/table info arrives, the cache releases DMLMessage, not prebuilt DMLEvent.

• The deferred toDMLEvent callbacks were made safe for delayed/asynchronous use. They no longer restore data into decoder cursor fields such as d.msg, d.keyPayload, or d.valuePayload. Instead, they convert using data captured by the DMLMessage itself.

• Message payloads are no longer mutated during conversion. Simple and canal-json column formatting now returns new maps instead of modifying the original message maps in place.

• Shared codec caches were protected. The fake table ID allocator and canal-json table-info/DDL commit-ts caches now use locks so deferred conversion cannot race with later decoder/cache updates.

• Kafka partition validation is still preserved. messageWithPartitionCheck wraps DMLMessage.ToDMLEvent() so the partition check runs only when the DML is actually converted at flush time.

Check List

Tests

• Unit test
• Integration test

Questions

Will it cause performance regression or break compatibility?

Do you need to update user documentation, design documentation or monitoring documentation?

Release note

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Summary by CodeRabbit

• New Features

  • Added a message-based DML flow to unify buffering, grouping, and emission across Kafka, Pulsar, and storage pipelines (with assembly deferred until flush for batching consistency).

• Bug Fixes

  • Improved DML flush correctness by resolving per table/group and computing batch totals consistently.
  • Strengthened routed DML fallback/ignore behavior with stricter partition validation.
  • Pulsar consumer now uses cumulative acknowledgments for more reliable progress tracking.
  • Enhanced DDL-aware table metadata routing by tracking DDL commit timestamps.

• Refactor

  • Updated decoders and pipelines/tests to use the new DML-message API and convert to row events at the appropriate stage.

[ti-chi-bot]

This cherry pick PR is for a release branch and has not yet been approved by triage owners.
Adding the do-not-merge/cherry-pick-not-approved label.

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[ti-chi-bot]

@wk989898 This PR has conflicts, I have hold it.
Please resolve them or ask others to resolve them, then comment /unhold to remove the hold label.

[ti-chi-bot]

@ti-chi-bot: ## If you want to know how to resolve it, please read the guide in TiDB Dev Guide.

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