Getting Started: The New Employee Guide
If you're reading this, you made it. And so did we, because we can apparently afford to hire people.
This guide should provide a way for you to get used to what we do here at #noided Media, and how we work on the ImageHex project.
Seriously, though, don't be a jerk to anybody. At the same time, remember that the true mark of the expert is the ability to take criticism.
We have a ping-pong table. Obviously, we are a cool, hip place to work. Now get back to your f*cking desk, code monkey, or I will have your ass for breakfast.
In reality, we're slightly different from a lot of places. We believe that work is a place to be comfortable. As such, we provide you with a large amount of privacy, and several nice amenities. What those amenities are, we have no idea. But it probably involves free food and drink.
We doubt that you'll ever see a water slide or a ball pit here. As fun as those things are, they tend to grow old fairly fast. Instead, we spent our money on more office space and more fun trips for you. Expect several company-wide vacations.
We don't want to use your free time. That's time you need to recharge and rejuvenate. You are (generally) not obligated to answer emails when you are away from work, and you shouldn't have to worry about things breaking while you're eating dinner with your significant other.
That being said, this is a startup. Sometimes shit catches fire, either metaphorically or literally, and we need you guys to put it out. If you get an email with [[OHSHIT]] as the first thing in the subject, you should probably open it, and prepare to get your evening ruined. Trust us, we won't send you one unless our evening is worse.
Our hours, as a startup, may also be longer than most. We believe that this is going to be worth it in the long-run, and hopefully you agree with us. The stock options you got should help with that.