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Firearms

Tenshi Hinanawi edited this page Apr 19, 2012 · 1 revision

Ah guns, they're a giant metal penis that shoots bullets into other men. If you use them you are a fag for touching a metal penis. Most anonymous are skinny little fags who have never seen or held a gun before.

But lets talk about them anyway.

Choosing your Weapon

  • Handguns - Includes semi-autos and revolvers. These are are the only choice if you want to carry concealed. This is a small, versatile gun. There are also many calibers you can chose from for fucking someone up. Readily available in the U.S at your local pawn shop, or a bi outdoors store, such as Sportsman's Warehouse. Use most handguns at short to medium ranges. Some larger cartridges, such as a .44 Magnum, you could probably use to take somebody out at a 100 yards if you are a really good/lucky shot. It all depends on what you use and how familiar you are with your weapon.

Common Handgun Calibers

  • 9x19mm - Very cheap and available round. Even the U.S. Military uses it. Good stopping power, good penetration, mild recoil. If you are getting your first handgun, get one in 9mm, even if its just for the inexpensiveness of the round.

  • .45 ACP - Also very common, but not nearly as cheap. Great stopping power, mild penetration. Great for self defense as it will usually drop people fast. Heavier recoil than the 9mm, but still not bad.

  • .380 Auto - Not as cheap as the 9mm, doesn't have the stopping power or the penetration either. But very mild recoil. Great for smaller/weaker people.

  • .357 Magnum - Made for revolvers, but there are some semi's out there that will take it. More expensive, about .70 cents or so a round, compared to the 10 cents per 9mm round. Great stopping power, great penetration. Recoil is a little heavy, but more of a push than a snap like the 9mm.

  • .500 Smith and Wesson Magnum - Completely, totally unnecessary. The goal is to shoot something not rip your hand off (some critics say it is comparable to the .357 mag; I have shot both guns, I think the critics are fucking retarded). This is currently the most powerful factory-made handgun in the world and you will have to pay out the ass for the cartridges ($3 per round). If you decide to purchase this firearm and use it, then please remove your asshat and try again.

Now, that list isn't even close to describing all the handgun rounds available, or even the commonly found ones. If you really want to know about a certain round, I hear that a place named Google is pretty good.

  • Rifles - These are big, unwieldy, larger caliber weapons. Mostly used for hunting(man and beast), you aren't going to be hiding this without a large flowing trench coat or something. Rifles aren't as expensive by the way, so anonymous might want to check these out. Always either in bolt action or semi automatic. Use these at long to medium range unless you've bought a military rifle that has a bayonet lug on it. Even then, unless you know how to handle it, don't try to close in and finish someone off with a bayonet. Terrifying as it may be, you fuck up your bayonet strike and you're up to your eyeballs in shit.

Rifle Calibers - Remember that rifle bullets are in a totally different class than handgun rounds, so a medium power handgun bullet does not have the same power as a medium power rifle bullet. Rifle cartridges are generally much more fast moving and hard hitting that any common handgun round.

  • 5.56 NATO - In the medium power range as far as rifle cartridges go. Used by many rifles, such as the AR-15 and all its offshoots. Decent stopping power, great penetration, low recoil.

  • 7.62x39mm - Very common round used by a wide variety of Eastern Block assault rifles, such as the infamous Ak-47. Despite its popularity, its not that great of a round for firing at anything under 300 yards, due to the heavy bullet and low powder charge. But it will go through just about anything, including steel plate body armor, due to its weight and design. Good stopping power, great penetration, mild recoil.

  • 30-06 One of the best rifle cartridges of our time, with great stopping power, great penetration, and great availability.

Recoil is moderate to heavy, depending on the rifle you use.

  • .308 Winchester - Flat trajectory, better than that of the 30-06 similar penetrating power to the 30-06 but slightly more lacking in power due to a shorter cartridge. Both are fine for long-distance shots but past 500 yards the .308 is much more consistent and is more energy retentive.

  • Shotguns - These are essentially rifles, except instead of firing a single bullet, they fire a shot that spreads anywhere from a hundred BBs to one big bullet, called a slug. Slugs enable a shotgun to be used at a longer range that normal buckshot would. I'm not going to list the different shogun gauges there are, since the most common is the 12 gauge. Shotguns have heavy recoil, and should probably not be used by midgets, because it would roll them over. At close range some of them can blow a huge hole into your target. Shotguns (particularly pump-action models) are ideal as defensive weapons by virtue of their stopping power alone.

  • Sub-Machine Guns - A small rifle firing pistol bullets. Usually have a high capacity magazine. Some ones I can name of off the top of my head are the MP-5, P-90, MP-7, AK-74, Tec-9, IMI UZI, and the Mac-10. All vary heavily in what ammo they use, accuracy, and rate of fire. Pretty low recoil.

  • Automatic Rifles - A automatic rifle firing large caliber bullets. Usually have a large magazine, and high rate of fire. Common examples are the M4 and the Ak-47 and its variants. Accuracy also varies heavily here. Heavier recoil, but manageable. To quote Jackie Brown: "AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes."

Some of these are hard to come by, unless you know an arms dealer. This isn't GTA, you can't just go down to Ammu-Nation and pick one up. Make contacts, deals, shady friends in low, low places. If you need it, you'll be persistent and you shall find a dealer.

CHARGIN your LAZAH

Guns are very simple to use. Just follow these steps.

  1. Point at what you want to shoot, KEEP BOTH EYES OPEN IF YOU CAN. Look down the sights. Unless your target has a gun himself, hes going to be pissing his pants right about now.
  2. Hold your breath.
  3. Pull the trigger.
  4. Breath out as you release the trigger.
  5. Repeat step 3 until needed results are obtained.
  6. Say some witty line about your target dying.
  7. Clean up crime scene.
  8. ????
  9. Profit!

FIRIN' your LAZAH

However, you can not just point and click anywhere. Aim for these spots.

  • The head - Hard to hit, but will kill him or put him down in a coma.
  • The knees - Best used if you catch your target off guard. Run up behind him and put your gun under his knee, in the fleshy bit. Fire away and his knee will be utterly destroyed. He will need a wheelchair for the rest of his life.
  • The center of mass - This is almost always the chest. Dead on the center of the chest. This is where all the organs are. It will rip through his heart and several arteries. Unless he gets to a hospital that instant, hes a goner.
  • The calf - One of the biggest arteries in the body is here, not only will he fall down, but he will likely bleed to death.

(It is important to note that some people can withstand a single gunshot to the chest and still come at you. It is important, when in a firefight, to squeeze off two rounds into the chest within 1.5-2 seconds of each other so as to maximize the trauma to the nervous system. The more trauma to the nervous system, the more likely they are to fall on the spot.)

Ammo

If you're just going to kill one person, you don't need to look like Rambo with tons of ammo hanging over you chest and everything. If you're just going to kill the person and get the hell out, take one magazine, put it in your gun, and maybe take another magazine just in case. You don't need to shoot the person twenty times, and if you were paying attention to the article and not drooling like a moron on the computer desk, you should know where to shoot.

But, if there are a few guys, let's say three or four (and you think you can take them - nobody need a dead anon) then you might need to take a few magazines. Because if you run out of ammo in the middle of the fight, you're done for buddy. But, if they don't have weapons, and they don't suspect someone's after them, you have a much better chance.

Proper use of your LAZAH in a gunfight.

If Anonymous ever finds himself in some grand gunfight against furfags, Mudkipz, SPARTANS, or Slowpoke. Use these tips.

  • Cover, cover, cover - Find some cover Anonymous ! Anything that can stop the bullets that are coming towards you. Find something made of concrete or stone.

  • Yes, do it like John Woo - However unrealistic it sounds, try leaping through the air, doing back flips, cartwheels, all that shit. It will make you hard as hell to hit and you'll freak out the enemy when you fly around the place like Keanu Reeves.

  • Like Legion, security in numbers - If you've got a bunch of people with guns, trying to take down one person with one gun will be simpler and the success rate climbs. If you're alone, and get ambushed, you're fucked unless you're James Bond, Tony Montana or Chuck Norris.

  • Above all, run - Try to get out of the gunfight situation as soon as possible. Most likely you will die if you fight.

This Anonymous is not responsible if you Charge, fire, or swallow a lazah weapon on another person. Use your head Anon.

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