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US and Japan

Antonizoon edited this page Aug 13, 2014 · 3 revisions

This is a thread where enterman_tulsa makes a crazy analogy as to how US and Japan became important allies after the initial conflict in WWII.

enterman_tulsa(OP)

It sounds like an abusive couple. One day they are literally at each others' throats, honestly wanting to kill one another. The next day they are cute and cuddly together, totally forgetting about yesterday's fight and ignoring the still visible black eyes.

I don't think that the US and Japan were a couple before the war, and I don't think our 60 years of peace constitute a mere day.

If anything, to use your relationship metaphor, the US and Japan had seen each other out a few times and never hit it off, until one night Japan was drunk at a bar and tried to stab the US. Luckily the US happened to have a gun in his jacket and he shot Japan right in the knee.

While Japan was laying there, bleeding out, the US felt compassion and when he moved to helped Japan, like the lion with the thorn in his paw, he learned to love.

The US then kissed Japan on the face and mouth. Tenderly at first, but soon with an intensity that shocked Indonesia and made India cover its eyes. The US unzipped its coffers and bared its throbbing economy, then began to softly stroke Japan with injections of cash and sweet propaganda. Japan sighed as the US entered it, and their love making continued for decades... until the 80s when the US blew its load and started seeing China.

BenBenRodr

until the 80s when the US blew its load and started seeing China.

POW! Right in the Kissinger!

are_you_trolling

Dude, you need to stop reading Axis Powers Hetalia...

possiblegoat

Came here for the US-Japan yaoi and was massively disappointed.

ZappBrannigainsEgo

To be fair, China is a much cheaper mistress who will do just about anything for a little cash.

dwntwn_dine_ent_dist

Yeah, but if we keep buying her services, she will eventually be rich enough make us her bitch.

IntentionalMisnomer

Some would argue that the only reason the US pulled out a gun and shot instead of carefully disarming japan and stabbing her back was because the US knew that Russia was going to come into the bar at any minute with a fire axe and would straight up kill Japan if it didnt see it was already bleeding from the knee, which would cause a lot more damage to everyone.

Besides, if Russia had shown up then they would have to split up the corpse in some sort of a "Keep what you kill" philosophy that wasn't working so well with Germany (who was tied up in Russia's basement)

dahooruu

honestly...im pretty sure Russia wouldn't have straight up killed Japan...they would have Brainwashed cough cough er, I mean converted it to their way of thinking, just as they had brainwa- cough cough cough... converted their half of Germany...and then the US would have lost their new bottom bitch and the world would have been a worse place (in the eyes of America)

sanph

Consider the mentality of the japanese at the time. A land invasion by Russia would have been a horrifyingly bloody affair. Most of the japanese population would have died fighting, or killed themselves.

Japanese people drowned themselves, blew themselves up, shot themselves etc rather than let themselves be captured by Americans on the islands. This includes regular non-military people. Mothers killed their own children then killed themselves. The guy on the loudspeaker saying if they turned themselves in they would be given food and water and medical aid must have been lying, right?

And these weren't even mainland japanese. Imagine how much worse it would have been.

cofnisseur

Yeah, but the US is one of those bizarre perpetual victims. I had to shoot Japan, it was self-defense! I also had to shoot Korea! I had to shoot Vietnam! I had to shoot Cuba! I had to shoot Iraq... and then come back and shoot Iraq again! Afghanistan too!

Eventually you're left with a room full of bodies and the US, looking innocently at you. You're left to wonder if maybe the US had some role in all this, since the average country doesn't seem to find a need to use their gun like this on a near daily basis...

My point is that if after shooting the first 5 people you go "aw shucks, had to do it" and don't really contemplate how to prevent situations like that in the future, you shouldn't be surprised that you continue to constantly be engaged in firefights out of 'necessity'.

quantumchaos

China was a kinky one though and used to like bringing others into bed with the US. but the US didn't seem to care they were having fun right? it wasn't until years later did US realize after years of letting China pick the partners over and over again that US wasn't actually in control in fact one day the US woke up with a collar around its pretty little neck and it finally dawned on him that he was the sub in a rather abusive bdsm relationship,and not the kind that came from a loving and trust filled home. but one of underhanded money exchanges,cheap thrills,and worst of all mistress china selling off US's "services" to the lowest bidder for their own amusement and to keep US from escaping from shame alone.

the below posts come from the frontpage comments

veshneresis

Japan still keeps an inflatable USA pillow doll for when it gets lonely.

GenTso

It's not a doll, it's a robot!

TheDeadVirgin

Still a better love story than twilight.

Default650

Actually the US was rather supportive of Japan in the time pre-WWII going so far as to bail them out of the Russo-Japanese war in 1905, even after Japan's (earily similar to Pearl Harbor) surprise attack of Port Arthur. The US liked to think of Japan as a mini US, finally fulfilling their manifest destiny. It wasn't until Japan started threatening China that the US started to object. So it wouldn't be unfair to call them a "couple".

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