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IRC Quotes

Antonizoon edited this page Aug 13, 2014 · 3 revisions

Amusing Quotes Page

From Jonathan's Reference Pages

I've collected a bunch of amusing things people have said over the years and thrown it together in the form of this page. A lot of it is prime comedy that turned down, and some of it I don't expect that you'll "get". Essentially, I'm cut-and-pasting huge chunks of other people's humour from IRC. Hooray!

16th August, 2004

<Roger> Hey JD.
<Roger> Update your gay quotes page with some faggy #finalfight quotes, you homo.

<Talath> bwahahahahahaha
<Talath> "How do you write women so well?"
<Talath> "I think of a man, and I take away all reason and accountability."

<Sharkey> "Can I see your ID?" "Jesus Christ, Jamie. We went to high school together." "Yeah, but you skipped a lot of grades." "Not eight of them. I didn't go to college when I was fucking ten."
<Sharkey> Me at the store two minutes ago.

<JDigital> I didn't know the Virgin Islands had their own domain.
<Zaratustra> They'd hardly be the Virgin Islands if they shared a domain with someone else, would they?

*** JDigital is now known as PingTimeout
*** Signoff: PingTimeout (Ping timeout)

<Brentai> But yeah, read a book. People say it makes you smart.
* Brentai cracks open a Playboy.

<Kazz> When a Japanese girl sees a penis for the first time, is she confused by the fact that the tip isn't blurry?

* Brentai finds his life partner!
*** McDohl has joined #finalfight

<Araph> Everyone mock Daidoji's lack of an S key.
<Araph> [04:38] <Daidoji> buy me a keyboard damn it
<Araph> [04:38] <Daidoji> I'm ure you are amued by it
<Zigmidge> hahahaha
<Daidoji> hut up

<JDigital> I just got the dumbest e-mail ever to my Olsen twins countdown. You know how kids keep e-mailing me via the link on the page thinking for some obscure reason that it's Mary-Kate and Ashley's own e-mail address?
<JDigital> I just got someone e-mail saying "hello Marykate and Ashley olsen. Hello. How old are you?"

13th July, 2004

--- You are now known as []D`[]`[]V[]`[]D`[]`[]\[]
* []D`[]`[]V[]`[]D`[]`[]\[] AIN'T EASY
<[ADMIN]Core-Commander> dvds ain't easy?
<[ADMIN]Core-Commander> i don't get it
--- You have been killed by terra (hurt my brain))

<hi> I'm going to make a GTA3 mod. If you drive more than 88 in a delorian, you end up in GTA:VC

<[SA]Yaos> So guys do you name your sperm?
<T> yeha
<T> I still miss charles...

<mard> what're you going to do after otakon, disi?
<Disillusion> mard: sit around for 364 days

<AFK> m y s p a c e b a r i s s t u c k d o w n
<AFK> t h i s i s n ' t a s f u n n y a s i t l
o o k s
<AFK> ha h a h a h a h a
<AFK> y e s i t i s

<Envy> my new gimmick will be copying RH regulars while they are away
<Envy> let's try it out
* Envy is now known as hannibal
<hannibal> HELP ME GUYS
<OGT> sup hanny
<hannibal> lol
<hannibal> nmu
<hannibal> i'm piloting a desk
<hannibal> 8)
<hannibal> now here are some pictures of planes
<hannibal> [img-planes]
<OGT> oh wow, those are some sexy planes
<hannibal> you know it
<OGT> I wish I could pilot those suckers

<Neko_Ali> heh... here's a good quote: "When the only tool you've got is a shotgun, all problems start looking a lot like zombies."

25th May, 2004

<Lost_Technology> HA HA HA HA. A few ads later, "I'm looking to buy an engine for a 1974 VW Super Bug. " All we need now is another ad reading, "SELLING: Engine for 1774 Super Bug" and the circle will be complete.
<rizzov> 1774 super bug?
<HentaiTentacleDemon> Wasn't the 1774 super bug the black plague?
<rizzov> clever
<HentaiTentacleDemon> That joke gets two fingersnaps
<Piston> more like two bowel movements

<Siphon3D> (>")> (^")> (^"^) <("^) <("<) <("v) (v"v) (v")> (>")>
<mrpeabody> I bet with japanese fonts you can make a kirby that grabs his crotch

<Chikushou> hay otaku, nice post in the free hentai thread
<otaku> thx chik
<otaku> i dunno which one you mean tho
<Chikushou> unless those are boys
<Chikushou> which they probably are
<otaku> those are boys
<Chikushou> o

<Tobita> Saying penny arcade is better than megatokyo is like saying being poked in the eye is better than being kicked in the balls

<[SA]Vmalloc> is the most fascist web site in the world. First, they delete the Diary of Anne Frank furry fanfiction. Then, they delete the one where Goku goes back in time and saves her

<Fantastic_Dan> lawn bowls is pretty Xtreme

<Thrush.web> Oh (Angsty Main Characters Name Here), you have to save us from (big huge disaster), you are the only one who can do it! I, predictible female lead, will be here to assist you and engage you in petty squabbles until we fall in love!

<Spawn> heh my mums threating to turn the electric off
<Spawn> so if im gone that's why
<Spawn> the light doesnt work in the hall so she cant find which one it is
<Spawn> ^_^
<-- Spawn has quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)

5th April, 2004

<terra> Go back to lusting after pandagirls or whatever it is you guys do
<Arcturus> Oh, shaddap. I haven't had lunch yet.
<terra> And?
<terra> Would you like a medal or something?

<Korangar> knights of the square rulz
<Korangar> or ..what its called

<quinn> dice, fetch out pants
* Dice shrugs.
<Dice> sec.
* Dice wanders off, and returns with out pants

<Prettz> i am a Cambodian
<Rick_Feynman> do you have dsl?
<Prettz> no, comcast
<Rick_Feynman> dark skinned ladies?

<Xerox> Well, if you use the code, you have to pick up the ice beam before you go to Tourian.
<Mediocrity> I had the Ice Bream.
<Elfin> Ice Bream! New! Fish and milk, together at last!

<[SA]EvilCanadian> hey baby, whats your armour class, I want to know what I have to roll to hit that ass
<[SA]EvilCanadian> best nerd pickup line ever

<Moebius> if you cat into /dev/null long enough, /dev/null begins to cat back into you

<Endril> jdigital: elements get named by some chemistry committee, not by the guy who makes them.
<Potato> Fuck that, if I discover a new element, I'll feed it to that council.
<Potato> The last person to die will have it named after him.
<Potato> Hopefully it's Dr. Fagnostrio.\

--- shut sets ban on fat_chicks*!*@*

<NeonId> I'm in Austin.
<doobedoobedoo> Named after the famous Steve Austin.
<doobedoobedoo> As found in Austin 3:16.
<memo> Haha. That would so rule.
<Match> Steve Austin founded the Lone Star State.
* NeonId punches three people at once.
<Match> He defeated Mexico in a cage match.

<Roger> Which reminds me. My house has no ramen or canned peaches. How did this happen?
<Random-Guy> You were invaded by college students.
<Roger> Random, since your answer doesn't place me at fault, it must be the right one.
<Random-Guy> Well then, I suggest you lay out traps with beer and porn as bait.\

* doobedoobedoo changes topic to 'Death - The only solution to life.'
* Nimduin changes topic to 'Death - The only solution to life. | You forgot to solve for imaginary roots'
* doobedoobedoo changes topic to 'Death - The only solution to life. | You forgot to solve for imaginary roots | It's a linear function.'
* Nimduin changes topic to 'Death - The only solution to life. | You forgot to solve for imaginary roots | It's a linear function. | We're so never going to get laid'
* doobedoobedoo changes topic to 'Death - The only solution to life. | You forgot to solve for imaginary roots | It's a linear function. | We're so never going to get laid | I concur'

<doobedoobedoo> Circle jerk.
<Wynter> ...Better than a square wank.
<Donut[AFK]> Or a pentagonal jack.
<Wynter> Or a hexagonal pull.
<Donut[AFK]> Or a septagonal whack.

* Geothermal has quit IRC (Quit: best thing to do when you have to fight someone is to say, "Time to punch some throat!" before you fight them. Then, when you wind back a punch and they try to guard their throat you punch them right in the peeny!)

--> You are now talking on #finalfight
--- Topic for #finalfight is When you create a movie based on a videogame, it's like playing Russian roulette. When you create a sequel to a movie based on a videogame, it's like pulling the trigger all six times.
--- Topic for #finalfight set by Sharkey at Fri Mar 19 05:18:08

<rizzov> holy shit
<rizzov> someone hacked their james brown
<JDigital> They must have gotten in via his guitar
<JDigital> by hacking his Gibson
<rizzov> i believe you win the (dis)honor of having jokes worse than my own.

<Sharkey> I... HATE... this internet. This, world wide web. Whatever you want to call it...
<Sharkey> It's the porn pop ups! I feel... saturated by them. Everytime I open a window I fear that I have somehow become infected by them.

<polychronopolous> Tom, go ahead and pull up a chair and make yourself an op
* [Jay] hides all the chairs
<Tom> What?
<Tom> I don't have to op myself to get rid of you.
<<-- polychronopolous has quit (Local kill by Tom (I can do it from down here.))

<Wolf> The ants in France are prancing up my pants

<HentaiTentacleDemon> Man Assault is the best mode ever
<HentaiTentacleDemon> That doesn't sound right
<HentaiTentacleDemon> Man, assault is the best mode ever.

<MightyQuinn> Well, with C, you have the international obfuscated C contest. With perl, you have the international human-readable perl contest.

<Zaratustra> If you get a GPA of 4.0, you unlock secret classes and alternate teachers.

<Vorbis> I'd fuck Saber's mom just to fuck Saber.
<Vorbis> fuck WITH Saber
<Vorbis> WITH

<Doom> Psychick lives in her own 200 person island nation.
<Doom> I hear she's a princess.
<memo> Yes, she's the princess of Michigan
<memo> the royal family crest is a pair of monkey wrenches crossed in front of a dilapidated warehouse

26th February, 2004

<Sharkey> How many fish would a blowfish blow if a blowfish could blow fish?

<Romosome> "take tooth past and rube it on the croth of your pants so it lookes like jiss!"
<Romosome> genius prank there

<terra> I'm speaking UTF-8, fag.
<Daidoji> more like WTF-M8
<Daidoji> am I rite

<R^2> For some reason, my ROM of Yoshi's Island is suddenly in French.
<R^2> ZSNES suddenly begins speaking French. Yoshi's Island surrenders.

<Chikushou> :( my college cut my network drive from 1 gig to 10 megabytes when they discovered i had linux mounted on my share
<Chikushou> owned

<NotFabio> C-Dawg ++ !
<C-Dawg> /msg dem_bones Please change my username to C-Dawg+2

--> Adrock ( has joined #crystal
<Adrock> wb Adrock

<Tass> anyone know where the feat 'awesome blow' comes from?
<DeoRex> The Book of Erotic Fantasy?

<Fantastic_Dan> damn that was fun
<Fantastic_Dan> i can catch knives with my face

<Brentai> There's some little snot named NotCricket, who thinks dirty rhymes are the ticket. I'll give it a pass, but I'll show him my ass, and tell him that he can just lick it.

* JDigital Quit (Quit: "Say "Chii" one more time, I dare ya!")
<sede> chii
* JDigital has joined #neverwhere
<sede> chii?
<JDigital> "Chii" ain't no country that I ever heard of! They speak english in "Chii"?
<sede> They speak Chiinglish

<NotCricket> Shinra: you don't really have a right to criticise unless you can pull your ass that wide.
<NotCricket> Otherwise, it's hypocrisy.

<Detonator> Oh boy, goth Brentai.
<Brentai> Oh sweet pain, thou art my truest companion. For in thee, I find truth; truth is only pain, pain is only truth. I seek truth, but want it not; I seek it only for it is man's nature and purpose; man's purpose is pain. Pain, come to me, and make me whole.
<Brentai> I wish to escape this wretched lifespan, but I cannot, for it would invoke God's fury; God meant for me to feel pain. God wanted me to see the truth. I love God because he hurts me.
<Brentai> reveal to me that feeling of life; fire thine stinger, serpent; hurt me more.

18th January, 2004

<NotCricket> I had a nice bowl of kittens for breakfast today.
<NotCricket> I do that instead of a good deed whenever I need a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

<cwgerard> i am gay
<cwgerard> Now, that was Michael.
<hngkong> Sure...
<hngkong> "Michael"
<hngkong> Does "Michael" have anything else he wants to say?

<Roger> Brentai, wouldn't online SSBM be awesome?
<Brentai> Fuck no. Even a little ping would make it totally random and... oh wait.
<Brentai> Well, still.

<MonkeyDLuffy> In Soviet Russia, bad jokes make people!
<Friday> Sigh.
--- Friday is now known as Dead_Horse
* Dead_Horse has joined #soviet russia
* Dead_Horse beats MonkeyDLuffy\

<Moebius2288> meh, conversions are for people who care how tall, fat, or hot people in other countries are

<JDigital> Cool. Micronesia is a real place.
<Fantastic_Dan> yeah
<Fantastic_Dan> it's where micro machines come from

<Brentai> I still can't decide whether Otacon had the blood trick in mind when he did that or if he really thought Snake was going to eat a packet of ketchup. One of these days I'll flip a coin.

<Fantastic_Dan> we should build more toxic waste dumps
<Fantastic_Dan> more toxic waste dumps = more superheroes = safer world

<Geothermal> Pffft, who wears pants while on the computer? I've been asked to leave many a computer lab for my lifestyle, but that's their rule, not mine!

9th December, 2003

<Brentai> I could never DDR naked. Flappaflappaflappaflappa.
<Brentai> NO.

<Brentai> I wanna be bitten by a radioactive plastic spider.
<Brentai> I'd get plastic spider powers.
<Brentai> Like, er, scaring little girls. Wait, no, I already have that one.

<Detrafilia> One time i was so tired, i had asked 'how are you?' in rpgamer, and then i looked in a diff query, went back to rpgamer, saw the 'how are you?' and i go 'oh fine, just a little sleepy. thanks. You?'

<Fantastic_Dan> see, us australians and irish are sensible people
<Fantastic_Dan> NOBODY KNOWS
<Fantastic_Dan> AFRO
<Fantastic_Dan> AFRO
<Fantastic_Dan> AFRO
<Fantastic_Dan> AFRO
<Fantastic_Dan> NOBODY KNOWS
<Fantastic_Dan> NOBODY KNOWS
<Fantastic_Dan> PEASANT...GO OUT!

<Honey_Badger> How do I change topic...
--- MightyJDigital has changed the topic to: You don't.

<Fantastic_Dan> meal of honor has good music
<Fantastic_Dan> hgehe
<Fantastic_Dan> medal
<Fantastic_Dan> meal of honour, even if it's your last meal, damn it's honourable

<Sharkey> !quote *cunt magnet*
<myew> Sorry, there were no quotes found matching *cunt magnet*
<Sharkey> How disappointing.

<Guildenstern> I had a dream once where you all ate my shit and it made you fly.
<Xerox> Red Bullshit gives you wings!

27th November, 2003


--> ArmyOfJDigital ( has joined #finalfight
<ArmyOfJDigital> Hi there.
<JD> Mwahwahwa! My creation lives!
<-- ArmyOfJDigital has quit (Quit: Leaving)
<JD> huh
<JD> stupid bot
<sede> What was that, a quitbot?
<JD> Shut up.

--> You are now talking on #finalfight
--- Topic for #finalfight is ~-_-~83 GiGaByTeS oF WaReZ ---- tYpE !list fOr InDeX~-_-~ RP MODE: ON
--- Topic for #finalfight set by terra at Thu Nov 06 17:06:10
<Semi> !list
<-- myew has kicked Semi from #finalfight (FANTASTIC MYEW TRIGGER ATTACK)

<JDigital> I don't care what some stupid lecturer says, "Node jehuty" is a perfectly meaningful variable name.

<hngkong> So I was taking notes on my cock, and this classmate asked me is she could copy my notes, so I smacked her in the face with my penis.
<hngkong> Wait, what were we talking about?

<ToG> I wanna see Neo have breakfast...'There is no spoon'..the cornflakes fall everywhere

<JDigital> Mushroom mushroom = new Mushroom();
<JDigital> BadgerBadgerBadgerBadger badgerBadgerBadger = new BadgerBadgerBadgerBadger (Mushroom mushroom);

6th November, 2003

<Steerpike> Squiz, what's your quit message from?
* Squizzle ( Quit (Ping timeout)
<JDigital> Steerpike: RFC1459, most probably

<Fantastic_Dan> "they have weapons of mass destruction, apparently ours are weapons of growth and nurturing"

<JDigital> Cool. Kansai airport was built offshore, on a man-made island.
<Fantastic_Dan> it's built on the sunken remains of 5 other airports :P

* Nyphur|Sleep sets mode: +o dregan
<cwgerard> Nonono, cwgerard is spelled c-w-g-e-r-a-r-d

<Jay Digital> Aw, how to make a statement with a straight razor" was deleted? I liked that writeup.
<Klaproth> There, there, Jay. Chin up,
<MALTP> Yeah, I liked that one too.
eliserh doesn't think she's ever seen Klap be reassuring
<Jay Digital> *sniff*

<Friday> What game are you playing?
<Rosencrantz> Pokemon Sapphire.
<Friday> ...
* Friday goes to get the rifle, sadly.
<Friday> I'm sorry, Rosen, but it's for the best.
<Rosencrantz> THE GAMES ARE FUN

<Roger> Terra, I want catboys. You have any that look like me?
<terra> No. Catboys are good looking by default.

<Friday> I have a confession to make. I'm 3 dimensional.
<Brentai> My God, she has three different measurements!
<Friday> FUCK YOu.

<Zaratustra> don't read text, people cyber in it!

23rd October, 2003

<Fantastic_Dan> i reckon, to save space, we should dig up all the bodies, take them to the car yard, crush them into cubes, and bury the cubes stacked on top of each other
<Fantastic_Dan> cubes are good for saving space

<Elfin> Does your mother watch porn too?
<hngette> No. But my soon to be stepdad does.
<hngette> He's got the biggest collection I've ever seen.
<JDigibed> hng, I've never heard it called that before

<skwid> ls
<skwid> where'd my xterm go?

<sede> Megaman!! How did you get past the energy powerups I hid in the walls?!

<JDigital> Do you guys say "Mountain Dyew", or "Mountain Doo"?
<MonkeyDLuffy> I alternate.
<sei|idle> we say "mow-uh uhh!" at the convalescent home
<sei|idle> and then i have to remind the denizens, 'what do we do for it?'
<sei|idle> and then he tries to kick flip and breaks a hip, which is just Xtreme enough for me to give him the soda

<MALTP> My car is powered by - wait, I don't have a car. My skateboard is powered by caffeine.

* countess_eimear Quit (Quit: If you strike me down now, I shall become more dead than you can ever imagine.)

* Dragon^^ has joined #finalfight
<Dragon^^> !sex
* Dragon^^ has left #finalfight
<Xerox> ...That's a trigger now?
<JDigital> !sex
<JDigital> Damnit, he must have used up the last of it.
<JDigital> Fucker.
<sede> This is why we can't have nice things

<Kayumi> I'm going to name one of my children Doctor. Or Master.
<Kayumi> Largely for the kindergarten teachers saying "yes, Master?"
<sede> I'm gonna name my kids in morse code so when I get mad at them I can bang their full name on the wall with my head

25th September, 2003

<JDigital> So my mum comes in to the room, right? And she's like "What's that syringe doing there?"
<Kayumi> what WAS it doing there?
<JDigital> And I'm like "It's for refilling the ink with the printer ink cartridge refilling kit thing I bought the other day."
<JDigital> (It's sitting next to the printer cartridge, and a box marked PRINTER INK REFILL KIT)
<JDigital> And she's like "Are you sure?"
<Brentai> Oh God, JD! Are you hopped up on printer ink?

<JDigital> Lemme know when you've finished downloading it so I can delete it from my webspace.
<hngkong> Done.
<JDigital> That was quick.
<hngkong> Yeah, so?

<Fantastic_Dan> !google Fantastic_Dan's Brain
<Hathor> GOOGLE : Not Found
<Drethelin> heh
<Fantastic_Dan> eh-oh


<Phantom> I donated blood!
<Zaratustra> what type?
<JDigital> Uh, the red type?

<Majnen> my friend just told me over MSN that he was walking in the city, so he walked up to some random chick, yelled 'STOP!' when she pauses, he yells 'HAMMERTIME!' and keeps walking

<Raven> St:25 Le:38 Wi:37 Dx:30 To:17 Ch:26 Ap:17 Ma:43 Pe:28 L+
* Raven wishes his Ma would stop going down, though

<hoe4> talk about how sailor moon fights evil by moonlight and wins love by daylight
<whispersnlace> i'd rather fight evil by daylight and win love by moonlight. it's easier to see during the day, and moonlight is more romantic.

<thegreattony> my wrists hurt from X Box volleyball
<silveronigeosong> Well, you're not supposed to hit the X Box with your wrists. Use the flat of the forearm.

[00:00] <RushMore> Day++

27th August, 2003

*** CWGerard changes topic to 'I AM SPECTACLES, KING OF MYOPIA!'


<JDigital> -snerk-
<JDigital> Kayumi on @#hogwarts-rp #finalfight
<Kayumi> Shut up.
<Kayumi> it's supposed to be set to +s.

<Roger> Transformers had those "XTREME" streamlined bots in the Mid-90's, but now we're back to clunky bot.
<JDigital> Clunky bots were easier to make as toys.
<Roger> And make better clubs.
<Roger> ...not that I ever clubbed my younger brother with a Shockwave figure.

"Today Square even applies the title to games not originally designed for the FF series, because of the tremendous name-recognition it's acquired. For instance, IIRC, either the Final Fantasy Legend or Final Fantasy Adventure games for the Game Boy were actually from the Seiken Densetsu series. Also, Final Fantasy Mystic Quest for the SNES was actually from the Crap series."\

<penance> what is th trigger
<penance> !help
<penance> !rules
<MightyQuinn> !piledriver
<penance> thnx
<penance> !piledriver
<penance> nothing happened

<kashan> (<>) <- this is you, as in taking it up the ass.
* MonkeyDLuffy wonders if it's possible to take it DOWN the ass.

<Zaratustra> I downloaded the internet! I have it on CDs at my house.

"Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit." (There is no great genius without madness.)
-- Seneca

<NapkinEater> I had a dream about a game show where parents compete to see who can keep their baby in the freezer the longest.

<Kain> My grandma wants me to have a disco ball at her funeral.
<Kain> And she wants me to attach those invisible ropes to her corpse, and when the priest finishes the disco ball will come down, and disco will come on, and she'll start flying around the room.
<Kain> Seriously, this is what my grandma wants.
<SoulBain> Best.
<SoulBain> Grandma.
<SoulBain> Ever.

[This quote first appeared on Sharkey's quotes page, and has since appeared in several people's message board signatures as well as a popular games magazine. Sharkey is mildly bemused doesn't care that his IRC channel never gets the credit for it.]

<MightyQuinn> You know about those roman hackers.
<MightyQuinn> THey were I III III VII.\

14th August, 2003

*** Now talking in #finalfight
*** Topic is 'Do not attempt to fuck the catgirl. That is impossible. Instead, you must try to realize the truth: there are no catgirls. Then you will find that it is not the catgirl you fuck. It is only yourself.'
*** Set by Brentai on Wed Aug 13 04:39:09

<JDigital> private String Digi = "foo"; private int nyo=1;
<JDigital> System.out.print(Digi.charAt(nyo));\

<MightyQuinn> mayaka, play 666
<mayaka> Hai! Playing 666. harper's_bizarre_-_fifty-ninth_street_bridge_song
<MightyQuinn> ...bah.
<MightyQuinn> That's the old playlist.
<Fry> Heh. Something about "fifty-ninth-street-bridge-song" lacks the evil that a 666 song should deserve.
<MightyQuinn> mayaka, play 666
<mayaka> Hai! Playing 666. happatai_-_yatta

<thoughtbandit> when I delivered flowers, I had a grand total of 3 dollars in tips after 3 years of work, my dad got 100 dollars or so, he thinks its because he looks like a homeless person

<Brentai> I should name one of my PSO characters Gay. All of the conversations in that game seem to start with either "Are you Gay?" or "Oh, it's you! Gay!"

<Fantastic_Dan> wish i had money
<Fantastic_Dan> i would be out there, purchasing goods and services right now

<JDigital> Say, how long would 600Mb take to download on a 1.5Mb connection? Lets assume I were to download an entire CD from

<Xerox> !quote *thor*
<myew> (107) <Gothor> So basically there are just a bunch of Zar and Brentai quotes? [Date: 22 Dec 2002] (1/1 matches found)
<Xerox> ...That's it? God, you are so unfunny...
<Gothor> !quote *xerox*
<myew> (38) <Xerox> Hey, I can fit my fist inside my own ass!

<Nyphur> I think IP should stand for Internet Pillow. then i wouldn't mind getting a new IP every time I reconnect to the internet.

<Menacer> "ALSO, I LOOK AT CHILD PORNOGRAPHY" <-- could the daily stats have picked a worse quote for me?

26th July, 2003

<Eurakarte> No, you're a cart.

<MightyQuinn> Happy smile hello?
<Internutt> :-)
<@terra> Happy smile my ASS
<McDohl> ?
<McDohl> WHy so mean?
<@terra> Ever since they finished panyopanyo
<Daidoji> ;>
* MightyQuinn hides.
* Brentai grabs terra's asshole and pulls it into a smile.
<JDigital> Heh.


[from a discussion on whether or not elves have pubic hair]
<Celyr> Why would a race that lives in the woods be more likely to have pubic hair?
<CrossNightwalker> There's a joke somewhere there about venturing out into the bush, but I'm trying really hard not to make it.

<Xerox> The human female mating call: "I feel so vulnerable now!"
<Friday> The human male mating call: "____ has joined #finalfight

<JDigital> Fool. Earthquake is a Ground type attack, not Rock.
* JDigital stamps GEEK across his forehead.

<Donut[AFK]> You know what I'd like to see?
<mOdac> #finalfight gladiators?
<Donut[AFK]> Retard racing with souped-up moto-wheelchairs.
<sei|idle> it's called 'nascar,' isn't it?
<terra> *snicker*

<Siarin][> Easy enough to ident on-join anyways.
<Zaratustra> Siarin: Not on stupid Linux clients.
-> [Zaratustra] VERSION
<JD> [Zaratustra VERSION reply]: mIRC v6.01 Khaled Mardam-Bey

<Nyphur> I don't wanna buy a skatch pad with a good ssketch on teh front. people'll go "Did you draw that?! COOL!" and I'll flip the page and say "No, I drew this piece of deformed shit here! :D"

<shodan> I need to upgrade my computer
<shodan> the porn I downloaded last night is all JERKY
<shodan> XD
<JDigital> I can see why you'd have a BEEF with that.
* shodan cracks JD's face open with a baseball bat.

<skwid> 10 SIN
<skwid> 20 GOTO HELL

22nd June, 2003

* hngkong goes to commit seppuku but misses and commits bukakke

"The expression "a picture is worth a thousand words" is worth 0.7% of a picture."
-- Veloso

* dregan is now known as dgi|feedingthemasses
<RushMore> dgi|feedingthemasses
<RushMore> is it dgi| feeding the masses
<RushMore> or dgi| feeding them asses

<Romosome> Dead or Alive Xtreme tetherball
<sede> Dead or Alive Xtreme Pi�ata
<Kazz> Dead Or Alive Xtreme Dreidle
<Romosome> Dead or Alive Xtreme Pro Skateboarder
<Romosome> Dead or Alive Xtreme Blatant Lesbian Sex
<Kazz> Dead Or Alive Xtreme Dead Or Alive Xtreme
<Romosome> Dead or Alive Xtreme Oregon Trail
<Romosome> How many pairs of clothing are you taking with you? NONE
<sede> With her implants it is physically impossible for Kasumi to sink
<Romosome> sede she just washed downriver I didn't say drown
<sede> The oxen could float to safety on her tits\

<JD> I, or one of my teammates, shall cause you to become electroencephalographically challenged.
<Rushmore> ill kill you
<JD> No, I like the way I say it better

<JDigital> I recall declaring the bottom bunk of my bed as an independant state, then declaring war on the top bunk for violating my airspace.

<DepressedGoth|InLove> What the hell does []D [] []V[] []D mean anyway?

<Sharkey> May you be cursed with a Chinese salary, a Japanese apartment, and an American wife.

<JDigital> A lot of SNES RPGs seem to start with you as a kid, waking up in bed with your mum/sister/girlfriend next to you and some old guy tells you not to go to place X.
<JDigital> When you return safely from place X, you're scolded by the old guy, who then congratulates you on finding item Y.
<JDigital> Gah, don't spoil it!
<JDigital> You just spoiled FIFTEEN RPGs for me. Thanks a lot. ;)
<McDohl> Heh.

8th June, 2003

<Sharkey> Alright, I've cobbled together something resembling a computer.
<Sharkey> It has no mouse, and it probably shouldn't be relying so heavily on tin foil for its connections, but It'll do.

<Fantastimus_Dan> remember, if you download games, you're downloading communism
* Fantastimus_Dan shrugs
<Fantastimus_Dan> not really enough to stop you, is it
<Fantastimus_Dan> i mean, if communism is all about downloading games, i think its a great kind of government

<Sharkey> fuckhelldamnshitinahatcuntmagnetfagragbagtag

*** Now talking in #finalfight
*** Topic is 'The Pope said everything you read in the internet is true.'
*** Set by Zaratustra on Wed Jun 04 04:17:05

<sede> !list
*** sede was kicked by myew (That was the wrong trigger.)

<Brentai> Remember, when sword fighting with an evil wizard, don't attack if he's just standing there. It means he erected a force field around himself, dumbass.

<JDigital> Hacking dates back to early Roman times. However, back then there was very little to 'hack' - only stone tablets.
<JDigital> People who would sneak in at night and change the contents of a stone tablet by 'hacking' at it with a hammer and chisel... hence the name, 'hacker'.
<JDigital> Those who did only damage were known as 'crackers', since they'd just run in a smash the stone tablets.

<Zaratustra> JAVA - DON'T USE IT
<StarDonut> Yeah, that's about right.
<StarDonut> Imagine C is a man, okay?
<StarDonut> Give him a fancy suit and cane and mess with his mind some until he is smarter but difficult to understand and useless for basic stuff now. Now he's C++.
<StarDonut> Now take a bat to his knees.
<StarDonut> Now he's Java.
<StarDonut> If you keep hitting him until he dies, he becomes applications with Java.


26th May, 2003

<terra> I don't get home until after mydad has dinner. And then I have a passover seder to attend.
<hngkong> Jewish?
<terra> No, we just like passover.

<Kazz> I'm calm now.
<Donut[AFK]> Kazz.
<Donut[AFK]> Connect to and join #main.
<Kazz> It's not connecting.

<MightyQuinn> w00t. The Quinnmobile is fixed.
<MightyQuinn> That's what I call my room.
* sedeoROdeo slides down the QuinnPole
<JDigital> You don't want to know what he calls the QuinnPole.

<Donut[AFK]> For the last time, it's not even really leaving.
<Donut[AFK]> All I do in here is idle.
<JDigital> !top
<SweetJesus> Total Top10(words): 1. Donut[AFK] (44888) 2. terra (28086) 3. Brentai (27055) 4. Su-Zaku (26154) 5. JDigital (24952) 6. Roger (23710) 7. Kain (23638) 8. Geothermal (20972) 9. NotCricket (16779) 10. McFrugal (16240)

<hngkong> io rttyopwed tyhjuisde wekiogh mjhyu fc lolockl\
<hngkong> I typed that with my cock.
<JDigital> <hngkong> ii tyhp;edrdf this with m yh pedn iks

"The book of infinite spells contains 1d8+22 pages."
-- D&D third edition, Dungeon Master's Guide

<sede> I'd think they'd have to give the dolls sexual organs before they could declare their sexuality
<Zaratustra> have it built in either the body or the head. So when one of them is reduced to 0 health you can attack the cockpit.
<ZedPower> I hope there's at least two separate conversations going on here.
<Siarin> They're separate only to the casual observer.
<JDigital> hehe

21st May, 2003


<Kashan> Giving the dog a handjob is the worst chore in my opinion.

<JDigital> The RIAA coulda just gone in and run AG from behind the scenes, using it to catch music thieves and draw people away from putting anything good up on other filesharing software.
<JDigital> Instead they have to put up with Kazaa now. That's like going on a mission to kill Hitler, finding him, and shooting a random peasant instead just to keep Hitler on his toes.

<hngkong> More games need a masterbate button
<kashan> masturbate hng.
<hngkong> I did a bit ago.\

<sei|idle> Shoujo Manga philosophy can be summarized as follows: "Who needs plot when we have overly detailed eyes and lots of dramatic poses?"

"Yeah, I heard that too. And since I read it on the internet, it must be true, right?"
-- Wil Wheaton, on rumours that he's gay

"It has been rumored that we have fired scud missiles into Kuwait. I am here now to tell you, we do not have any scud missiles and I don't know why they were fired into Kuwait."
-- Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraqi Information Minister

<NotCricket> JDigital is either powering up to go super-saiyan, or taking a really big dump. Possibly both. I never could tell the difference.

<terra> Kain, becomming a normal member of society like that is the worst kind of death ever. God bless you.
<Kain> I know, I know. Your pity is well-taken, as is your sympathy. Thank you, oh holy one.
<JDigital> Kain, it could be far worse. You're alive, you're not unemployed, and you have a girlfriend you're happy to spend the rest of your life with.
<JDigital> Not everyone can say that.
<JDigital> Especially not the ones that aren't alive.

<JDigital> Want some sweets, Jessanne?
<SoulBain> Want some vague sexual innuendo, Jessanne?
<Jessanne> um
<Jessanne> yes an yes
* JDigital trades Jessanne some sweets for her clothes
<Jessanne> hahaha
* JDigital trades Jessanne more sweets for a picture
<Jessanne> hahaha\

<LunA_SilveR> he gave birth to a snake. a wolf. and a corpse.
<LunA_SilveR> and the wolf eat's big-daddy odin
<LunA_SilveR> thor must fight the snake, kills the snake, and dies in the attempt
<Brentai> BY NOVA!
<LunA_SilveR> Somebody better warn antrim not to play in the woods. he might see a snake.
<Brentai> ...or a tree.\

<rarrfzerofEXE7> "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance,
<rarrfzerofEXE7> Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in
<rarrfzerofEXE7> America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?"\

<hngkong> Wait... That was funny?
<Alexx> not really
<Alexx> but you complimenting yourself was
<hngkong> Yay!
<hngkong> I love you hng.
<hngkong> I love you too.
* hngkong hugs hngkong.\

<AnBolb> my grandad once planted some plastic daffodls in his garden one winter and told everyone how amazing it was that his flowers were growing. he'd come in and laugh his head off at all the people who fell for it
<AnBolb> he'd then get a wet cloth and play Mozart on his nylon washing line
<tetrisboy> how did it sound
<AnBolb> Nothing like Mozart unfortunately. The washing line isn't a good medium for classical music\

* Brentai shoves Kunio into a wall.
<Brentai> Where's my money, ho?
<Brentai> Where's my fat cash loaves?
* Kunio removes small wallet from ass crack
<Brentai> ...
* Brentai beats Kunio with his own pirated copies of Bushido Blade.\

<Doom> Maybe they could show 8BT to the creator of Final Fantasy. I know I'd be pissed to see anyone mishandle one of my creations.
<Lobst> Square ain't suin' ME, Rico. I alter my sprites enough so they look like hand-drawn animals.\

<mirv> I sincerely hope this France -> Freedom thing doesn't go on for long.
<Palpz> And in the news today, the United States Congress passed legislation renaming the Country of France to "Freedom".
<DyRE> i'm so glad the people running my country are actually 12-years old. i'm sure it won't be long now before some noted US politician calls Iraq "gay."\

<shounen-chan> hehe..

<JDigital> Dude! Dude! SUMMON ELMINSTER 3
<Nyphur> Great, have a 3 HD Eliminster
<JDigital> Wiz3. Goody.
<Nyphur> He stares blankly up at you and wets his pants. he's 8 years old and casts prestidigitation on you. you are blue
<JDigital> NOOOO\

<dregan> Computer's about to crash. I can feel it.
<Nyphur> Heh
<JD|workworkwork> "My mind is going..."
<JD|workworkwork> "Daisy, daisy..."\

"Be careful when you wrestle with monsters, lest you thereby become one. For, if you stare long enough into the abyss, the abyss also stares into you."
-- Friedrich Nietsche

<NotCricket> This guy needs to be included as an advisor in a 4X game.
<NotCricket> "The capital city has not fallen." GAME OVER
<JD|writing> Heh.
<Donut[AFK]> The information minister guy?
<Donut[AFK]> Isn't he the best?
<JD|writing> "The princess IS in this castle."
<Donut[AFK]> I hope he's still OK. Haven't heard much from him recently.
<JD|writing> He'd be there, after the end sequence of Quake 1. "Shub-Niggurath is alive and well. The soldier will soon be stopped by the demon hordes. He is stupid and has nearly run out of ammunition and guns."
<McFrugal> hahahah
<Donut[AFK]> Heheheh.\

<Kazz> Hey, did anybody hear about how the dinosaurs became extinct?
<Kazz> I found out the true story.
<Daidoji> eloh ate some beans
<terra> They smoked weed until their brains turned into shriveled into peas.
<Kazz> There were dinosaurs, and then there were vampire dinosaurs.
<kashan> Masturbation?
<Kazz> The vampire dinosaurs sucked the other dinosaurs blood.
<Daidoji> vamposaurus
<MightyQuinn> Lesbian space vampire dinosaurs who shat pterodactyls?
<Zaratustra> where did they find coffins their size?
<Rico> And then there was Denver! ~The Last dinosaur... he's our friend and a whole lot more!
<Siarin> Kazz: Then the vampires turned on each other?
<Kazz> The vampire dinosaurs reproduced like mad, and eventually all the other dinosaurs became extinct.
<Kazz> The vampire dinosaurs had no more dinosaurs to suck the blood of.
<Siarin> I mean, vampires are theoretically immortal, so that means..
<Siarin> ..DAMN IT KAZZ
<Zaratustra> where did they find coffins their size?
<Kazz> Driven mad by starvation, they stayed out until sunrise.
<Kazz> Then, the sunlight caused them all to turn to dust.
<Kazz> Because there were so many, the dust covered the entire Earth, causing the ice age.
* Kazz bows.\

More of the funny

Computer Stupidities
If you ever thought you were bad with computers, look at these people. They'll cheer you right up.

How to say "Oh my God! There's an axe in my head!" in over a hundred different languages.

Last Updated: 16th August 2004

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